Episode 6 Celebrity Mastermind

Four celebrities who claim to know everything there is to know about their specialist subject

but can they cut it on television's toughest quiz?

They've agreed to put themselves in the hotseat

for their chosen charity.

But only one person can be the winner.

Who will be crowned tonight's Celebrity Mastermind?

The first celebrity in the spotlight tonight is the actress Jessica Hynes.

She answers questions on the life and poetry of Pam Ayres.

The Politics Show presenter Jon Sopel takes questions on Tony Blair.

Divine Comedy front man Neil Hannon takes on the sitcom Frasier.

And Michelin-starred chef Michel Roux Junior

on Auguste Escoffier's Guide to Modern Cookery.

APPLAUSE

Hello. I'm John Humphrys and welcome to Celebrity Mastermind.

Four more victims have agreed to 90 seconds of questions

on their specialist subject followed by two minutes on general knowledge.

The winner will walk away with this fine trophy

and far more importantly, the title of Celebrity Mastermind.

So let's get on with it and ask our first contender to join us please.

-And your name is?

-Jessica Hynes.

-Your chosen charity?

-Action For Children.

-And your chosen subject?

-The life and poems of Pam Ayres.

Pam Ayres in a minute and a half. Starting now.

Pam Ayres came to public attention when she won in which television talent show in 1975?

-Opportunity Knocks.

-She wrote a poem before a dental appointment

which was voted in the top ten of a poll to find

the UK's 100 favourite comic poems. What was its name?

-I Wish I'd Looked After My Teeth.

-After working as a clerical assistant

in the Central Ordinance Depot in Bicester,

Ayres joined which of the services in 1965?

The women's RAF.

Ayres won opportunity knocks with a poem about

an embarrassing experience with which bird?

-A parrot.

-The man for whom the late night knitter

knitted seven jerseys went off with whom?

-Don't know.

-After Ayres's appearance on Opportunity Knocks,

she appeared in a television advert for which food stuff

and gave up her secretarial job shortly afterwards in 1976?

-Custard.

-Cream cheese. Close.

Ayres spent her childhood in which village, then in Berkshire,

now Oxfordshire, in the Vale of White Horse?

-Stanford in the Vale.

-In Ayre's poem, In the Merc,

the driver's got the car of his dreams

but thinks he pulled more birds when he was in which type of car?

-Morris Minor.

-No, a Renault Five.

Ayres's poem Walking to Falkirk is written

from the perspective of what animal?

-A badger.

-A cow. After leaving Stamford

in the Vale Church of England Primary School in 1958,

she continued her education at the secondary modern school in which local town?

-Faringdon.

-In her poem, The Wonderbra, how much does the new bra cost,

bought to replace the one in constant use since 1982?

-Three shillings.

-No, £14.99, unbelievably.

-Which poem does Ayres say she wrote to be sung...

-BEEP

..to the Ballad of Jimmy Brown also known as The Three Bells.

I don't know. Tom Brown's...

No, it was The Insect's Anthem.

You never know with Pam Ayres. You had one pass.

The man for whom the late-night knitter knitted seven jerseys went off with Mary Stone.

You have, Jessica, six points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Jon Sopel.

-Your chosen charity?

-Save the Children.

-And your chosen subject?

-Tony Blair.

Tony Blair. I've heard of him. Minute and a half, starting now.

Which north-east constituency did Tony Blair

represent from his first entry to Parliament in '83 until 2007?

-Sedgefield.

-In the speech he gave after Princess Diana died

what two word term did he use to describe her?

The People's Princess.

When John Smith was elected Labour leader after the 1992

general election defeat, he appointed Tony Blair to which post?

-Shadow Home Secretary.

-Which two words did George W Bush greet him with

at the G8 summit in 2006, not realising the microphones were on?

-Yo, Blair.

-In 2000, Blair was heckled and slow hand-clapped

at Wembley Arena when his speech was felt to be

a little party political. Which organisation was he addressing?

The Women's Institute.

When he first joined the Labour Party in '75,

Blair was affiliated to which constituency?

-Islington.

-No, Chelsea. Blair was visiting a hospital during the 2001

general election campaign when he was confronted by Sharon Storer,

the partner of a cancer patient who criticised the treatment

her partner had received. In which city was this?

-Birmingham.

-In December 2009, Blair told which television interviewer,

I would still have thought it right to remove Saddam Hussein from power,

even if he'd known there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?

-John Humphrys.

-No, unfortunately. Fern Britton.

Blair was lead singer with which rock band while at Oxford?

-The Ugly Rumours.

-As part of Blair's modernisation, he reformed

which section of the party's constitution referring to the common

ownership of means of production?

-Clause four.

-In which year did Blair negotiate the signing

of the Good Friday agreement that paved the way

for power-sharing in Northern Ireland?

-1998.

-What was the name of the Anglican priest...

-BLEEP.

..who became a key influence on his religious and political

beliefs when they were both at Oxford?

-Peter Thompson.

-No passes, Jon.

You've got ten points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Neil Hannon.

-Your chosen charity?

-The Alzheimer's Society.

-And your chosen subject?

-Frasier.

-Frasier. 90 seconds, starting now.

What was the former occupation of Frasier's father, Martin? He comes

to live with his son because an injured hip means he can't live alone.

-Police officer.

-Frasier asks no Noel to translate the blessing for his son

bar mitzvah into Hebrew. But in what language

does Frasier end up delivering it?

-Klingon.

-In Shut out in Seattle, after Martin, Frasier and his brother,

end their relationships on the same day,

they end up singing which Bond-film theme-song in a bar?

-Goldfinger.

-Which item do Frasier and Niles first discover under the floorboards

of their childhood home in the episode, Death-trap?

-A skull.

-What price does Niles win for scoring a basket from

the half court line at Seattle Sonics basketball game

he later donated to the Police Activities League?

-A 4x4 SUV.

-A pickup truck. After Martin bumps into the reclusive author

TH Houghton in a bar, they find they have

a shared affection for which television series?

-Pass.

-What item does Niles lend to Maris which

she uses to kill her Argentinian boyfriend?

-An antique crossbow.

-In The Perfect Guy, the radio doctor Clint Webber

is handsome and very accomplished but is found to have what flaw?

-He can't sing.

-No, he can't. Niles has the task

of disposing of Aunt Louise's ashes in a respectful manner.

What does Martin suggest he should do with them?

Pass.

What is the name of the dog kennels in which Niles placed

Eddie without Martin's permission in The New friend?

-Pass.

-What unusual confession does the political candidate

Phil Paterson make to Frasier causing him

to reconsider publicly endorsing his campaign?

-He was abducted by aliens.

-In Series three, Diane Chambers comes

to Seattle to see her play being produced. She had been working

in Hollywood as a writer for which series before she was fired?

-Dr Quinn Medicine Woman.

-Is exactly right. You had three passes.

The name of those dog kennels, inevitably, was Bark Avenue.

I'm not sure I should tell you this.

Disposing of the Ashes in a respectful manner...

Martin suggested they flush them down the toilet.

When you said "pass" in answer to that question...

After Martin bumps into the reclusive author

TH Houghton in a bar, they find they have a shared affection for Bonanza.

You now, Neil, have nine points.

APPLAUSE

And our final contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Michel Roux.

Your chosen charity?

Visually Impaired Children Taking Action.

And your chosen subject?

The Culinary Bible, Escoffier, Le Guide Culinaire.

Escoffier, in a minute and a half.

Escoffier was based in which London hotel from 1899 to 1919

where he completed his Guide to Modern Cooking?

-The Savoy.

-At the Carlton.

"Bombe nesselrode" consists of a mould lined with vanilla ice-cream

and filled with a mixture of creme chantille and a puree of what?

-Raspberry.

-Says chestnuts here. Beurre de Provence is the alternative name

used by Escoffier for which cold sauce?

-Pass.

-What is prepared by frying chopped onion and shallots in oil

and butter, adding finely chopped mushroom trimmings and stalks

and a pinch of parsley and cooking until the moisture has evaporated?

-Pass.

-In the glossary, what term is defined as,

vegetables cut into small square, round or triangular slices?

-Paysan.

-What French term is used for a saddle of hare comprising

the whole of its back from the beginning of the neck to the tail?

-Baron.

-Rable.

Escoffier's recipe for which regional dish from Languedoc

includes mutton, haricot beans and equal quantities

of blanched belly pork and garlic sausage?

-Cassoulet.

-Which garnish for soup is composed of finely shredded sorrel

and lettuce leaves stewed in butter?

-Geminy.

-Chiffonade. What name is given to small, veal fricandeau,

cut from the cushion and larded with rows

of very pink strips of salt pork fat?

-Pass.

-Which spice used in goulash is added to a sauce hongroise

to give it a delicate pink colour?

-Paprika.

-Bigarade sauce which includes orange and lemon juice

is said to accompany braised what?

-BEEP Duck.

-Duck, indeed.

You had three passes. That name given to the small veal fricandeau,

is grenadin.

Dried duxelle is prepared by frying the chopped onion

and all that stuff.

And Beurre de Provence is the alternative name for aioli.

Three passes. Michel, you have four points.

APPLAUSE

Right. That's the first round done, the specialist subjects.

Let's have a look at the scores. In fourth place, four points, Michel Roux Junior.

In third place, six points, Jessica Hynes.

Second place, nine points, Neil Hannon.

In the lead, just, ten points, Jon Sopel.

APPLAUSE

Round two now. General knowledge. If there is a tie at the end

then the number of passes get taken into account

and the person with fewer passes will be the winner.

So let's get on with it and ask Michel to join us again, please.

And the question that a lot of people ask

is why, if you believe this to be the case and most of us do, I think,

has British food got better over the years?

Is it because of the French influence or something different?

I think it probably is the French influence and probably down to my father and uncle...

-That's very modest of you!

-..the forerunners of French gastronomy, I suppose.

Seriously, things are, food-wise, sensational now in Britain.

What makes a good meal? What is good food?

I think good food is, first of all great ingredients,

beautiful ingredients, which Great Britain is blessed with, that's for sure.

The rest of Europe, even in France, we buy Scottish lobsters,

Scottish langoustine, beef from all over Britain,

hill lamb from Wales and such like.

In Britain, we have got a beautiful larder.

Purely from the food point of view, forgetting everything else,

your idea of the perfect meal, what would it be?

Roast lobster with garlic butter and fat chips.

That's it?!

-I could cook that!

-There you go. Invite me!

Well, maybe. You've got four points. Let's see how you do

with general knowledge. Two minutes starting now.

In cricket, what does the abbreviation LBW mean?

-Leg before wicket.

-What name is given to the small glass reflectors set in a frame

in the road surface that indicate traffic lanes?

-Cat's eyes.

-Which literary post was held successively

by Sir John Betjeman, Ted Hughes and Andrew motion?

-Pass.

-The Piazza San Marco, the Bridge of Sighs

and the Doge's Palace are all in which European city?

-Rome.

-Venice. By what codename

is Judy Dench known in the James Bond films?

-M.

-Which California group had hits with Barbara Ann,

Good Vibrations and God Only Knows in 1966?

-Pass.

-The name of which tiny dried fruit made from a small grape

is derived from Corinthe in Greece where it was first grown?

-Raisin.

-Currant. What word is used for an article in

a newspaper announcing a person's death that usually includes a short biography?

Pass.

Which French politician married the model Carla Bruni in 2008,

three months after his divorce from his second wife?

-Sarkozy.

-In Chinese cuisine, the name of which small snack,

often served as an appetiser, means "touch the heart" in Cantonese?

-Dim sum.

-What natural disaster caused severe damage in San Francisco

and neighbouring towns in April 1906?

-Earthquake.

-At which Hammersmith Theatre have a series of

stand-up comedy show's been recorded for BBC television since 2004?

-Pass.

-The young of which animal is known as a leveret?

-Hare.

-In the detective novels by Agatha Christie, what is the first name

of the elderly busybody and amateur sleuth Miss Marple?

-Pass.

-Which long-running American political drama about the lives

of staff in the White House stars Martin Sheen as President Bartlet,

Stockard Channing as his first lady?

-Pass.

-Which river famed in a song by Gerry and the Pacemakers

separates Liverpool from Birkenhead and Wallasey?

Erm... Across the Mersey?

Mersey is correct. Sir Elton John wrote

-the music for the stage version of which film about a young boy...

-BLEEP

..in County Durham who aspires to be

a professional ballet dancer?

-No, pass.

-I'll tell you. Billy Elliott.

I'll give you your other passes.

The West Wing is that American political drama.

Miss Marple is Jane Marple.

The Apollo is the Hammersmith Theatre that's been around so long.

Obituary is what you get if you in the newspaper if you die.

The Beach Boys had hits with Barbara Anne, Good Vibrations and so on.

And Betjeman, Hughes and Motion were all poets laureate.

-You have now, Michel, 12 points.

-APPLAUSE

And now Jessica Hynes, please.

And since we were just talking about poets laureate,

you choose a poet for your specialist round.

Pam Ayres. Why? What is it about her that really appeals?

Well, she just has, erm... It's her humour. And her wit.

Erm, I just think she's clever and funny.

-I see you have in your hand a book, there.

-Well, yes.

Because I was going to read a... Well, I...

Give us a little bit. One that really turns you on.

This is from a poem called They Should Have Asked my Husband.

"Present it to my husband, he will solve it at a stroke.

"He'll clarify the situation, he will make it crystal clear,

"You'll feel the glazing of your eyeballs and the bending of your ear.

"Corruption at the top, he's an authority on that,

"And the Mafia, Gadafia and Yasser Arafat.

"Upon these areas he brings his intellect to shine,

"In a great, compelling voice, that's twice as loud as yours or mine.

"I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong, infallible,

"Articulate, self-confident, and wrong."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

If we had a post of People's Poet, she'd be it, wouldn't she?

Well, yes. You know, I'd love to see her as poet laureate.

I think if John Betjeman can become poet laureate,

I think Pam Ayres could.

Now, you've got six points, Jessica, with your knowledge of Pam Ayres.

General knowledge. Two minutes, starting now.

Which 1978 film features the teenage gangs the T-birds and the Pink Ladies?

-Grease.

-Which American soccer club did David Beckham agree to join

in January 2007 for a reputed salary of £128 million over five years?

-Manchester United.

-LA Galaxy.

-LA Galaxy! Sorry! I thought you said pounds!

If you said dollars, I would have known. That's a trick question.

I did say, "Which American soccer club..."

-There was a wee bit of a clue in that.

-I was going to say LA Galaxy.

-Come on, you are wasting your own time!

-I'm going to lose. It's fine.

What bird used for racing and delivering messages is kept in a loft?

-A racing pigeon.

-Yeah, homing pigeon.

Which Royal Family member called herself Tillabet as a small child?

The name eventually became Lillabet, by which she's still known to friends and family?

Erm, er... Princess Margaret?

The Queen. Heathrow and Gatwick are two of London's passanger airports.

Where in Essex is the third?

-Stamford.

-Stansted. Which TV drama series created by Julian Fellowes

has a story line that begins leading up to the First World War

and centres on the Crawley family and their servants?

-Downton Abbey.

-In which ballet by Tchaikovsky is the heroine Princess Odette

turned into a bird by the evil magician, Rothbart?

-Swan Lake.

-Who wrote the original series of children's books

set in Malory Towers boarding-school?

Malory Towers boarding school.

Erm... oh, I don't know.

-J.K.Rowling. I'm not going to pass.

-Enid Blyton.

-So embarrassing.

Which all-female pop band originated in Popstars: The Rivals in 2002

has been listed by the Guinness World Records as Most Successful Reality TV Group?

The one with Cheryl Cole. Girls Aloud.

The name of which large animal found in Africa and Asia means nose horn in Greek?

-Rhinoceros.

-The Parliament Act of 1911 reduced the maximum duration

of a parliament in the United Kingdom from seven years to how many?

-Four.

-Five.

It feels like four. Which 2011 film, a spin-off from an E4 comedy series,

-depicts four teenagers on a trip to Crete?

-The Inbetweeners Movie.

-BEEP

-And I've just started so you can have this one.

Tampa, Jacksonville and Fort Lauderdale are cities in which American state?

Atlanta... No, no! That's not a state, is it?

-No, it's not. I'll have to tell you, it's Florida.

-OK.

You have, now, Jessica, with those correct answers, reached 13 points.

APPLAUSE

And now Neil, again, please.

And you'll have been asked this before

but it's a fascinating business.

The name of your band was Divine Comedy. Why?

Well, my father says it's his fault

because I came down to his study saying,

"Dad, I want to call my band The Passion."

He came up later and said, "I'm afraid that deeply offends my faith."

-Really?

-And I just went to the first thing I saw on the bookshelf,

which was Dante's The Divine Comedy, the Inferno, Paradiso, etc.

I thought, "That'll do," and stuck it on the first record.

-That was that.

-And it worked, didn't it?

-It seemed to.

But you've changed. The whole music scene has changed, of course, and you've changed with it.

In such a way that I won't have a Top 30 hit any more.

But that's not a problem because I've developed a nice niche,

a fan base that will keep buying my idiotic records

every three or four years.

Even if you tell them they're idiotic?

Especially if I tell them they're idiotic. I'm the Pam Ayres of rock!

-LAUGHTER

-Now, there is a claim!

Let's see how you do with your general knowledge.

You have nine points. You get two minutes to pile up a huge score.

In the 1960s, a beehive, as worn by Dusty Springfield,

was a kind of what?

-Hairstyle.

-Which security service featured in the television series Spooks

has its headquarters at Thames House?

-MI5.

-In Test cricket, which country did England beat 4-0 in 2011,

replacing them as number one team in the world?

-India.

-In the film Free Willy and its sequels, who or what was Willie?

-Killer whale.

-Pete Townshend of the Who delivered a lecture on the 31st October,

2011 on BBC Six music that was named after which broadcaster?

-I don't know.

-Which sea separates the east coast of Britain

from the mainland of north-western Europe?

-North Sea.

-Yes.

In the Pirates of the Caribbean adventure films,

which British actress plays the role of Elizabeth Swann?

I can't remember her name. Pass.

What reference book did Dr Samuel Johnson

write in the mid-18th Century?

-The dictionary.

-Which US singer who's had hits with the songs Beautiful

and Fighter is the vocalist on the 2011 Maroon 5 track, Moves Like Jagger?

-Christina Aguilera.

-Which duke led the British forces who,

along with the Prussians, defeated Napoleon at Waterloo?

-Wellington.

-What's the name of the diarist created by Sue Townsend

whose first entry is dated 1st January 1981?

-Adrian Mole.

-The title of which television series starring John Barrowman

as captain Jack Harkness is an anagram of Doctor Who?

-I don't know.

-Which Welsh poet wrote the play Under Milk Wood

about inhabitants of the imaginary small village, Llareggub?

-Dylan Thomas.

-Who was a major figure in the Russian Revolution

and the first head of the Soviet state from 1917-24.

-Lenin.

-In the traditional pantomime,

what did Jack trade for the magic beans that grew into the beanstalk?

-A goose.

-A cow.

Which Dutch artist who lived from 1853-1890

painted Self-portrait With Bandaged Ear and Pipe?

-Van Gogh.

-In 2001, which pop star and songwriter

published a book of lyrics and poems called Blackbird Singing

that he'd started to write in 1965?

-Paul McCartney.

-Which lake straddling the French-Swiss border

-BEEP

-is the largest of the Alpine lakes?

-Lake Constance?

-Lake Geneva. Three passes.

Doctor Who is an anagram of Torchwood. Yeah.

It was Keira Knightley who played the role of Elizabeth Swann in the Pirates of the Caribbean

and that lecture Pete Townsend delivered was the inaugural John Peel Lecture.

Three passes but you now have 22 points.

APPLAUSE

And finally, Jon, come and join us again, please.

And, er, when we first met, you were a political correspondent.

-I was.

-Yeah, pounding the beat at Westminster,

getting to be friendly with all those nice politicians.

How friendly do you have to be with them?

Well, I think politics is a game played by consenting adults,

broadly speaking. And I think that if a politician

has told you something that is clearly newsworthy,

er, my duty is, broadly speaking,

to broadcast it - on the Today programme, on the news, wherever it happens to be.

-Do you like them? Do you like politicians?

-Do you know what?

I know this is not a very popular thing to say,

but I think politicians - for the most part...

I think there are some that are venal and all the rest of it.

But for the most part, I think politicians are trying to do a difficult job,

have probably got the best interests of the country at heart and occasionally take the wrong turning.

Mm, I agree with that. Right. Let's see how you do with your general knowledge, Jon.

22 is the score to beat.

You start with ten points. Will you become a mastermind? Here we go. Two minutes.

What name is given to trees such as conifers that are in leaf all year?

-Evergreen.

-Which playwright died on St George's Day 1616 in Stratford-on-Avon?

-William Shakespeare.

-Which Australian golfer, twice winner of the British Open,

was known as The Great White Shark?

-Pass.

-According to the saying, the road to where is paved with good intentions?

-Er, Damascus. No.

-Hell.

In which 2010 film about the founding of Facebook

does Jesse Eisenberg star as Mark Zuckerberg?

Er...

-Something Generation. No.

-No, Social Network.

Who sang the praises of Deputy Prime Minister Willie Whitelaw

by claiming, "Every prime minister needs a Willie"?

-Thatcher.

-Which Wiltshire town was granted the prefix "Royal" in October 2011,

in recognition of its support for members of the Armed Forces

-who died in Iraq and Afghanistan?

-Wootton Bassett.

Which 19th-century English artist, known for his paintings of animals,

also sculpted the lions at the base of Nelson's Column?

-Pass.

-Who had a number-one hit in December 1969

with Two Little Boys, a song about friendship in battle?

-Rolf Harris.

-Which football club was taken over by Mike Ashley in 2007?

-Newcastle United.

-Which humourist caused ill feeling in Britain

for his wartime broadcasts from occupied Europe during the Second World War?

-PG Wodehouse.

-Adrian Edmondson plays the anarchic punk Vivian

in which offbeat comedy series?

-The Young Ones.

-What's the name of the vast Asiatic region of Russia

that extends from the Ural Mountains to the Pacific Ocean?

-Siberia.

-What's known in Spain as "vino tinto"?

-Red wine.

-The news editor George Dent worked in the cut-throat environment

of the GlobeLink newsroom in which sitcom, created by Andy Hamilton and Guy Jenkin?

-Pass.

-King Richard I of England, the hero of many romantic tales,

-was known by what nickname?

-The Lionheart.

In cookery, hat name is given to all the internal edible parts of poultry?

-Gizzards.

-Giblets.

-Of course.

-On which African river are the Victoria Falls?

-The Nile.

-The Zambezi.

In 1957, Patricia Bredin was Britain's first representative

in which musical competition?

BEEP

-Which musical competition?

-Oh, you've got to be quick.

Top Of The Pops. No, Opportunity Knocks!

No, neither of those. Eurovision Song Contest.

Oh, Of course!

Three passes, Jon.

-That sitcom - you'll know it when I tell you. Drop The Dead Donkey.

-..Donkey, yeah.

-Of course.

Landseer was the artist - you know that, as well - who did the lions.

-And Greg Norman.

-And the Great White Shark was Greg Norman.

Unfortunately, that information has come to you a tiny bit late.

Because, Jon, you have 21 points.

APPLAUSE

Well, so close but he didn't quite make it. Let's have a look at the final scores.

In fourth place with 12 points, Michel Roux.

In third place - 13 points - Jessica Hynes.

Second place - 21 points - Jon Sopel.

First place - 22 points - Neil Hannon.

Come and join us, Neil.

There we go.

-Congratulations.

-I'm a very happy boy.

So, er, how does that compare with a musical award, then?

-It is ten times better.

-Oh!

You know, I've watched this programme since I was three.

-So this is remarkable!

-Wonderful. Can I just make a point?

I wasn't doing it when you were three! Possibly.

-The wonderful Magnus Magnusson.

-Exactly. Anyway, well done.

Thank you for watching.

Do join us again for more Celebrity Masterminds. Good night.

You don't have to be a celebrity to appear on the show,

so if you would like to appear on the next series of Mastermind

on BBC Two, then do visit us online at bbc.co.uk/mastermind.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]