Episode 5 Celebrity Mastermind

Four celebrities who hope they know everything

about their specialist subject.

But can they cut it on television's toughest quiz?

They've agreed to put themselves in the hot seat for their chosen charity.

Only one person can be the winner.

Who will be crowned tonight's Celebrity Mastermind?

In the spotlight tonight, television presenter Richard Arnold.

He takes on the ultimate American soap opera, Dallas.

Former England cricket captain Michael Vaughan will be hoping to score a victory

with his specialist subject, the Premier League in the 21st century.

The life and work of poet Ted Hughes is the specialist subject

for the poet and fellow Yorkshireman Simon Armitage.

And comedian Andi Osho, for reasons best known to herself,

is answering questions on some bloke called Humphrys.

Hello. I'm John Humphrys and welcome to Celebrity Mastermind.

Four famous faces have agreed to put their reputation on the line

by answering one and a half minutes of questions on a specialist subject,

and two minutes on general knowledge.

At stake, the honour of becoming tonight's Mastermind.

And they will also go home, one of them anyway,

with this elegant trophy.

So let's get on with it and ask our first contender to join us, please.

Your name?

Your chosen charity?

And your specialist subject?

Dallas, the TV series, 1978 to 1991.

Dallas, in a minute and a half.

After the initial pilot episodes,

Duncan Acres became the location for which fictional ranch,

home of the Ewing family?

Southfork Ranch.

Whom did Joan Van Ark play in nine episodes of Dallas

before moving to Knots Landing in which she appeared for 13 years?

Valene Ewing.

How does Katherine Wentworth kill Bobby Ewing in the episode Swansong?

She mows him down with a car.

Which character's absence in the early part of season six,

after Barbara Bel Geddes' heart surgery, is explained by a long vacation?

Miss Ellie.

In the first pilot episode,

Bobby Ewing has married the daughter of his father's arch rival.

What's his name?

Digger Barnes.

What cliffhanger ended the second series

and sparked worldwide interest?

Who shot JR?

Which Oscar-winning actor joined in series 11 as JR's new nemesis, Carter McKay?

George Kennedy.

Who composed the theme music

and shared the 1987 BMI TV music award with Jerry Rubin?

Jerrold Immel.

Where does Bobby miraculously reappear live in Blast From The Past,

despite having been apparently killed previously?

In a shower.

Which cast member left Dallas at the same time as Patrick Duffy in 1985,

when her character moved to Atlanta?

Charlene Tilton.

When Victoria Principal suffered an injury,

a storyline was created in which Pamela Barnes Ewing was kidnapped

in which South American country?

Colombia.

In the 300th episode, where are Bobby and JR trapped

while they reminisce about their lives?

In a lift.

What was the ranch owned by Miss Ellie's second husband, Clayton Farlow?

The Southern Cross.

Which event...

BEEP

..a highlight of the Dallas social calendar,

features in several episodes, including the 1989 episode The Two Mrs Ewings?

Ooh! The annual barbecue?

-Oh, what a shame!

-Oh! Oil barons!

Yes, the Oil Barons Ball, but too late.

-You got 13 points.

-Thank you.

-And our next contender, please.

-No pressure!

-No pressure at all!

Only 13 points to beat at the moment.

And your name is?

Your chosen charity?

Your specialist subject?

The Premier League in the 21st century.

In the 2003-4 season,

who won the Premiership without losing a game?

Arsenal.

What happened to Sheffield Utd sub Keith Gillespie

10 seconds after coming on against Reading in January 2007?

He got substituted.

No, he was sent off for trying to elbow somebody.

Who handed in a transfer request after Wigan's loss to Arsenal

on the final day of the 2005-6 season?

Pass.

Hull players were lectured on the pitch by Phil Brown

after conceding four goals against which team on Boxing Day 2008?

Manchester City.

Which club set a Premiership record during the 2007-8 season

by only collecting 11 points?

Derby County.

In 2005, which team finished a game with only eight players

after one was sent off for handball

and two more for fighting?

Newcastle.

Which Argentinian player signed for West Ham from Corinthians

with Carlos Tevez, in a controversial deal, in 2006?

Mascherano.

In 2003, Man Utd striker Ruud van Nistelrooy

set a Premiership record by scoring in how many consecutive league games?

10.

Who scored all Leeds' goals in their 4-3 win against Liverpool in November 2000?

Mark Viduka.

What was the final score in Newcastle's draw with Arsenal on February 5th 2011?

4-4.

Who was named Manager of the Year in 2001

after his team, tipped for relegation, finished fifth?

Pass.

In the 2009-10 season, which manager won the domestic league and cup double

in his first season in the Premiership?

Ancelotti.

In 2005, which Norwich City director went on to the pitch with a microphone

during a game against Man City

and asked the fans to give more vocal support?

-Oh!

-You'll know this one.

-I know it.

-You do know it.

-It's the cook.

But I'm going to have to tell you if you can't name it.

-I know what she shouted as well.

-Go on. Guess.

"Let's be having you."

-All right, yes.

-What is the name?

-You've got to. Come on.

-I'll tell you.

-Tell me.

-Delia Smith.

-Delia Smith.

-Isn't that annoying?

Anyway, that's one of your passes.

The other, George Burley was named as Manager of the Year in 2001.

And the player who handed in a transfer request as he left the field was Chimbonda.

Pascal Chimbonda.

You have, Michael, nine points.

And our next contender, please.

And your name is?

Your chosen charity?

Specialist subject?

Ted Hughes in a minute and a half.

What's the title of Hughes' first book of verse, published in 1957?

The Hawk In The Rain.

Hughes was born in which Yorkshire town, where he spent his childhood,

before moving to Mexborough.

Mytholmroyd.

What was the name of the company founded by Hughes and his sister during the '70s?

Rainbow Press.

Hughes described what animal as the elastic boulder who vanishes as he approaches?

-Jaguar.

-Black rhino.

In the Birthday Letters, Sylvia Plath declaimed which poet to a field of cows?

-Yeats.

-Chaucer.

The poem Leaf Mould that appeared in Wolfwatching

was first published under what title in Remains of Elmet in 1979?

Pass.

In which poem from Lupercal does the title character lie

stretched flat as an old rough mat, no mouth and no eyes?

Pass.

Which Henry Williamson book did Hughes discover as a boy and re-read constantly?

Pass.

With which photographer did Hughes collaborate on Remains of Elmet,

published in 1979?

Fay Godwin.

The poem called 6 September 1997 was published on the occasion of whose funeral?

Pass.

At which artists' colony in New York

did Hughes and Sylvia Plath spend 11 weeks in 1959?

Yaddo.

In The Birthday Letters, what does Hughes describe as "a mad execution uniform,

"survived your sentence"?

Pass.

What's the title of the poem in Lupercal

about Parnell's bill to abolish the British Navy's cat-o'-nine-tails?

Er... Pass.

Which of his works was eventually published in 1977,

having been written as a potential film script in the early 1960s?

Gaudete.

In Epiphany from The Birthday Letters,

what animal is the young fellow carrying in his buttoned-up jacket?

A fox cub.

You had six passes.

Wilfred Owen's Photographs was the title of that poem in Lupercal.

The blue flannel suit was the mad execution uniform.

6th September 1997 was the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales.

Tarka The Otter was the Henry Williamson book.

In Lupercal, the character lying "stretched flat as an old rough mat", etc, was Esther's tomcat.

And the poem Leaf Mould had originally been published under the title Hardcastle Crags.

You have, Simon, seven points.

And our final contender, please.

And your name is?

Your chosen charity?

-And you want to stick with your specialist subject?

-Yes, I do.

Which is?

Here we go! A minute and a half.

Where in Cardiff was I born in 1943?

Splott.

Whose resignation as American President did I report

live on television by satellite in August 1974?

Richard Nixon.

When did I become presenter of the Today programme, succeeding John Timpson?

1987.

What did we call the peacock who turned up at our Greek cottage

with whom the killer cat fell in love?

Henry.

On Desert Island Discs in January 2008,

what was my luxury object?

A cello.

I did a series of interviews reviewed by a Conservative politician

who imagined a fictional series called God In Search Of John Humphrys.

Who was the politician?

Pass.

Who accused me of poisoning the well of democratic debate in 1995?

Jonathan Aitken.

What's the name of the charity I founded in 2005

to help unsung charities that help people around the world?

Kitchen Table Charities.

In an interview with Bryony Gordon I admitted learning which dance,

a speciality of Michael Jackson?

Moonwalk.

On which TV programme did I steal a tiny car from Jeremy Clarkson

and joy ride through the BBC?

Top Gear.

What's the title of my book about industrial farming?

Pass.

When I interviewed Margaret Thatcher on the Today programme,

I asked, "What is the essence of Christianity?"

What was her crisp reply?

Denis?

Very close. Choice.

On which local paper did I begin my career as a journalist

after Cardiff High School?

Penarth Times.

With which journalist did I present the Nine O'Clock News from '81 to '82?

1981, that is, in case there's any doubt.

All right, this is going to be a guess.

You'll offend him mortally.

-Offend him? Clue!

-Sorry, gave you a clue.

Um, um, um...

Oh, I've no idea. Peter Sissons.

-No, John Simpson.

-That's what I was going to say next.

I know! Anyway, you had two passes.

That book about industrial farming and all that is Great Food Gamble.

And Michael Gove was the politician who made that crack about me.

-You have, Andi, 10 points.

-Super, thank you.

It could have been worse. She might have got them all wrong.

Let's look at the scores.

In fourth place, Simon Armitage.

Third place, Michael Vaughan.

Second place, Andi Osho.

In the lead, Richard Arnold.

Now, it is the general knowledge round.

If there's a tie at the end of it then the number of passes

get taken into account and the one with the fewest is the winner.

So let's get on with it and asks Simon to join us again if you would, please.

And, look, people say they like poetry

but actually almost nobody reads it, do they?

It's not a front line art form, no.

It's a bit of an irritant, really, in the arts scene. It's always been like that.

But at the same time, I think it's Britain's oldest, most democratic and greatest art form.

It's often what we're known for when you travel the world.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-You say democratic.

-Yeah.

-Because?

Because anybody can do it.

Not anybody can write a great poem, but you only need the alphabet.

It's only 26 letters. You only need a pencil and pen.

It's not like putting an opera on. You don't need an orchestra and a theatre.

It's not like throwing a pot.

And a lot of people,

when they're upset about something or they're feeling passionate

can turn to poetry and produce something in which they invest their emotions.

You don't care that it's not in the front line of art?

Well, it would be all right if it was a bit more popular.

All right, this is a silly one. Greatest poet of all time?

Of all time?

Anon.

Well, he wrote an awful lot, or she. Absolutely.

Right, Simon, you have seven points.

Let's see how you do with general knowledge. Two minutes starting now.

Maid Marion Way is a road in the centre of which city?

Nottingham.

The storming of which prison in Paris on 14th July 1789

is celebrated every year in France?

Bastille.

Which bird has a large elastic throat pouch used for catching fish?

Its name is also given to a pedestrian crossing.

Pelican.

Who was known as Two Jags while Deputy Leader of the Labour Party?

John Prescott.

Which German composer became totally deaf for the last few years of his life?

Beethoven.

The BBC series The Hour, with Romola Garai and Dominic West, is set in which decade?

-'80s.

-'50s.

What's the name for the grasshoppers that are pests in many parts of the world?

In the Bible they're the eighth plague of Egypt.

Locusts.

Which South American nut is named after the biggest country on that continent?

Brazil.

Who topped the UK charts in '65 with Bob Dylan's Mr Tambourine Man?

The Byrds.

Life of Riley, which premiered in Scarborough in 2010,

is the 74th full length play by which dramatist?

Alan Ayckbourn.

In the Stanley Holloway monologue, what animal ate Albert Ramsbottom?

Lion.

The first Victoria Crosses were awarded during which war that lasted from 1853-1856?

The...

-Trafalgar.

-Crimean.

Which British film starring Colin Firth won four Oscars at the 2011 awards ceremony?

Best Film, Actor, Director and Screenplay?

King's Speech.

In 1988, Michael Edwards, better known as Eddie the Eagle,

became the first to represent Great Britain at which Winter Olympic event?

The ski jumping.

Under what pen name does Jim Grant write the Jack Reacher detective novels?

Pass.

Which city has been the capital of China since 1421, except between 1928-49?

Beijing.

Which story by Jerome K Jerome has the subtitle To Say Nothing Of The Dog?

Three men in a boat.

In 1976, after Bruce Springsteen played Memphis on his Born To Run tour,

he was apprehended for climbing into a private property.

Whose property?

Pass.

I was about to give you another. The buzzer's gone.

I can tell you that last one was Elvis Presley's. He tried to get into Presley's home.

And Jim Grant writes under the pen-name Lee Child.

You've now got... You did very well in that round... You've got 21.

-And now Michael Vaughan again, please.

-Thanks for that.

And I don't suppose there's anybody watching who doesn't know

that in 2005 you brought home the Ashes,

which will be sticking in your memory just a little bit, I imagine.

Yeah, just still sobering up, to be honest!

It's taken six years.

-You celebrated a bit.

-We did, yes.

We celebrated a bit too long and hard.

We went a bit downhill after that, lost a few players with injury.

But now we're back. England are the number one team in the world.

The last 12 months has been an exceptional time for England.

Why is it though that football always beats cricket in terms of popularity?

The basis is that more people play football than they do cricket.

Football is played pretty much on every street.

After 2005, cricket became a lot more popular

and a lot more people have started to play.

But the cricket team are successful.

The England football team haven't been for a while.

Maybe 2012 is the year that they go on and win the European Championships.

Right, you got nine points. At the moment, the top score is 21.

So see how you do with your general knowledge. Here we go.

Cardiologists specialise in which organ in the body and its diseases?

Heart.

What name's used for the horns on an adult stag, shed and grown annually?

Antler.

Which island, off the toe of Italy, is the largest in the Mediterranean?

It's home to Mount Etna.

-Sardinia.

-Sicily.

Which American rock band had hits with Losing My Religion and Everybody Hurts?

They announced they were splitting in September 2011.

-Bon Jovi.

-REM.

In which film is it always 2nd February for Bill Murray

who wakes to I Got You, Babe on his radio alarm?

Pass.

What's the name of the intersection in London's West End

where the Shaftesbury Memorial known as Eros stands?

Pass.

Which Austrian-born actor and bodybuilder

stepped down as Governor of California in January 2011?

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The national anthem of Wales, by Evan James, with music composed by his son,

is known in English by what title?

-Bread Of Heaven.

-Land Of My Fathers.

A statue of which silent screen star wearing his bowler hat,

carrying his walking stick was unveiled in Leicester Square in 1981?

Oh, God!

-I know it, I know it. Pass.

-I'm sure you do.

In 2011, who became the youngest golfer since 1923 to win the US Open

with a record lowest score of 16 shots below par?

Rory McIlroy.

The Boswell family were the stars of which sitcom?

Bread.

What's the unit of measurement for the height of horses and ponies?

Hand.

Al-Ahram, meaning "the pyramids",

is the most widely-read paper in which country?

Egypt.

What name's used in Britain for sausages cooked in a butter pudding?

Toad-in-the-hole.

The adjective lupine refers to which animal?

No idea.

In rugby union, what name's given to the players

who support the hooker in the front row of the scrum,

described as loose and tight head?

Props.

Which point did Captain Robert Falcon Scott's expedition reach in 1912?

Take a point. You haven't got many.

-I'll tell you. The South Pole.

-Oh! The South Pole!

Your other passes. Lupine refers to a wolf.

Funny hat, walking stick...

-Charlie Chaplin.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Lost it.

Piccadilly Circus is where

Eros stands, and that film,

Bill Murray, same thing happens every day -

-Ground...

-Groundhog.

..hog Day. You got it.

Too late, though. There we are.

Michael, you got 18 points.

APPLAUSE

And now Andi Osho again, please.

And you, a slightly unusual career change for you, in a way,

because you were an actress,

-I mean, a proper actress.

-Yeah.

And you became a stand-up comedian. And usually

it's the other way round, isn't it?

Yeah, I suppose it is a bit,

because some of them get little roles in sitcoms and

films and stuff like that - not that I was doing all that stuff before,

but I was more like a jobbing actress.

I was a nurse four times in EastEnders.

Yeah, I'm actually qualified now.

With stand-up, it's doing panel shows, really,

things like Mock The Week, cos a lot of people watch them,

so I think if you can get on one of them, you're doing all right.

Surely it's more scary than acting, because in acting,

somebody else writes the lines, you just learn them.

Absolutely, yeah. And with acting, if the script's not very good,

it's like, "Who wrote this?"

With stand-up, you're like, "Who wrote this? Oh, yeah, it was me."

-(LAUGHS) Right. You've got 10 points already.

-Cool, thanks.

21 is the score to beat. General knowledge.

-Yes.

-Two minutes. Here we go.

Sprigs of which plant are hung up at Christmas for people to kiss beneath?

Mistletoe.

What name for a large mass of snow, ice and rocks falling down a mountain

comes from a French word for "to descend"?

Avalanche.

Which musical is based on a play about the real-life trial of two women

in prison in the 1920s accused of murdering their lovers?

Chicago.

The fairy is the smallest and the emperor the largest of which

flightless birds found mainly in the Antarctic?

Penguins.

Which comedy actor, star of Gavin and Stacey, published his autobiography

May I Have Your Attention Please? in 2011?

-James Corden.

-Whose 2001 debut album Read My Lips features the single

Murder On The Dancefloor?

-Michael Jackson?

-Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

The New Forest National Park is mainly in which English county?

Can you repeat that?

The New Forest National Park is mainly in which English county?

Ooh. Hampshire?

In the Bible, who discovered the secret of Samson's strength was his hair?

-Delilah.

-Yes.

In the '97 film Titanic, who played Jack Dawson,

a pauper who won his passage on the ship in a poker game?

Leonardo DiCaprio.

In A Christmas Carol, what sort of bird did Scrooge buy for the Cratchit family

that was twice as big as Tiny Tim?

Turkey.

Which TV show where entrepreneurs pitch business ideas

is based on the Japanese show Mane no Tora, meaning Money Tigers?

Dragons' Den.

What name is used for a shoemakers' model of the foot on which

boots and shoes are made?

Pass.

Zurich is the largest city in which country?

-Austria?

-Switzerland.

What is the name of an Indian relish made from yoghurt and other ingredients

such as cucumber or mint? It often accompanies curry.

Raita.

The famous 1934 picture of which Scottish legend has been revealed to be

of a model made from Plasticine and a toy submarine?

Oh, pass.

What name is given to the annual musical concerts

first sponsored by the BBC in 1927

and now are mainly held at the Royal Albert Hall?

-Proms.

-The US government's legislative branch is the House of Representatives

and which other body?

-The Senate?

-Which common loose wide-sleeved Japanese robe is fastened

round the waist with a broad sash?

-Kimono.

-Who auctioned the headpiece...

BEEP

..that she wore at the Royal Wedding in April for charity,

raising over £80,000?

Hmmm... Princess Eugenie.

You were close. Her sister, Princess Beatrice.

Beatrice, ah.

The other one. Right. Two passes.

Loch Ness Monster was that famous...

Ah, right, OK.

And the shoemaker's model that he makes

the shoes on or the boots is a last.

-Oh, OK.

-You have now, Andi,

shot into the lead with 24 points.

Ooh!

APPLAUSE

And Richard Arnold again now, please.

And you've already got 13 points with your knowledge of Dallas...

It's a tragic indictment of the money spent on my education! LAUGHTER

I don't know, it got you 14 points!

-So it's coming back now?

-Next summer, yes.

-I'm very excited.

-Is that a good idea?

It is, actually. I mean, they all look... They're not quite as fresh

as we all were back then,

let's face it - yourself obviously not included.

So JR and Sue Ellen and Bobby are back,

and it's about the warring sons now,

Christopher - that foundling - who was adopted into the family,

and John Ross Ewing Junior,

JR's son, who is evil.

Just like his daddy, the human oil slick.

The only problem with it as I see it is that it's about

huge greed among very rich people.

That wouldn't fit into a modern setting in this country, would it(?)

No, there can't be an appetite for that(!)

When you think about Dallas in 1978 when it started,

it was very much born of an era very similar to now, you know.

The issues are writ large and much the same as we're

dealing with at the moment, so I think people need a bit of escapism.

Thank you, Richard. Now, 13 points

and 24 is the score to beat.

Here we go.

What do too many cooks do, in the proverb?

Spoil the broth.

Which Rolling Stones star was described by Joan Rivers as having "child-bearing lips"?

Mick Jagger.

What's the name of the square in Moscow which, with the Kremlin,

was listed in 1990 by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site?

Red Square.

Steve McQueen and Charles Bronson starred in which classic '63 film

about a break-out from a POW camp in the Second World War?

-Pass.

-What is traditionally the name of Prince Charming's

valet in the pantomime Cinderella?

-Buttons.

-Dandini.

What French term is used for a thin slice of veal or other meat

often beaten flat, coated in breadcrumbs and pan-fried?

-Carpaccio?

-Escalope.

Which wild plants are also known as Candlemas Bells

because their white flowers appear around that feast day at the beginning of February?

Snowdrops?

What's the surname of brothers Robert and Philip?

One plays Ash Morgan in Hustle, the other Gene Hunt in Ashes to Ashes.

-Glenister.

-Which fictional boy, created by JM Barrie, was the subject of a statue

secretly unveiled overnight in Kensington Gardens to surprise children?

-Peter Pan.

-Which blind Italian tenor duetted with Sarah Brightman

on Time To Say Goodbye, a number two hit in '97?

-Pass.

-What are classified by the Dewey Decimal System,

being divided into 10 main groups depending on subject?

Good luck with that! Pass.

Which large flightless bird from Mauritius became extinct in 1681?

Its name comes from the Portuguese for "stupid".

Er...dodo?

Edinburgh-based policeman John Rebus first appeared in the 1987 novel

Knots And Crosses. Who wrote the book?

Oh!

Ian Rankin.

Who was the vocalist in the band Soft Cell

alongside the keyboard player David Ball?

The '80s are a blur. It was all Dallas! Sorry, pass.

The 15th century struggle known as the Wars of the Roses

were fought between the House of Lancaster and which other royal house?

-The Lancasters and the Stuarts. Tudors!

-The York, York!

Which television personality has been married to Penny Calvert,

Anthea Redfern and Wilnelia Merced?

Bruce Forsyth.

Who managed Aberdeen...

BEEP

..when they won the Scottish League title in 1985, the last time a team

from outside Glasgow won it?

-Alex Ferguson?

-Is correct.

-Is that a sporting question?!

-A-ha! Well done.

-Thank you.

-Right.

Four passes - Marc Almond was the vocalist in Soft Cell

-with David Ball.

-Of course.

The Dewey Decimal System, believe it or not,

is to do with library books.

-Andrea Bocelli...

-Of course.

-..is the Italian tenor,

and Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson - The Great Escape.

Great Escape.

Yeah, you knew it.

Richard - 23 points.

APPLAUSE

Well, that was close. Let's have a look at the scores.

In fourth place with 18 points, Michael Vaughan.

Third place, 21 points, Simon Armitage.

Second place, 23 points, Richard Arnold.

First place, she just held on to the lead. 24 points, Andi Osho.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Andi...there you go.

-Oh, thank you!

-That's another one...

-Oh, wow.

-Another one to go with the one that you won

-for Children in Need Mastermind on that other channel.

-Yes, I did.

-So you've got a pair of them now.

-Look at this, book ends!

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

Thank you for watching. Do join us again

for more Celebrity Masterminds. Good night.

APPLAUSE

You don't have to be a celebrity to appear on the show,

so if you'd like to appear in the next series of Mastermind

on BBC2, then do visit us online

at bbc.co.uk/mastermind.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]