Former home secretary Jacqui Smith, actor Nathaniel Parker, Strictly Come Dancing's Erin Boag and comedian Jason Manford are the contenders.
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Four celebrities who hope they know everything there is to know about their specialist subject...
but can they cut it on television's toughest quiz?
They've agreed to put themselves in the hot seat
for their chosen charity,
but only one person can be the winner.
Who will be crowned tonight's Celebrity Mastermind?
First in the spotlight tonight, the former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith.
Her subject is the world's longest running soap, The Archers.
The actor Nathaniel Parker on the comic genius of the Marx Brothers,
comedian Jason Manford takes on the idiosyncrasies
of the time travelling sci-fi series Quantum Leap
and Strictly star Erin Boag,
she'll be tackling the history of New Zealand.
Hello, I'm John Humphrys and welcome to Celebrity Mastermind.
As always, we're joined by four contenders
who will each face two vigorous question-and-answer rounds,
but only one can be tonight's Celebrity Mastermind.
Before we find out who, there is one and a half minutes of questions on their specialist subject
and then two minutes on their general knowledge.
The winner will take home this fine trophy,
much more importantly the title of Mastermind.
So, let's get on with it and ask our first contender to join us, please.
-And your name is?
-Your chosen charity?
-And your chosen subject?
-The Archers from 1980 to the present day.
The Archers in a minute and a half, starting now.
Listeners were stunned when which long-serving character died
falling off the roof of his house, Lower Locksley Hall, in January 2011?
What's the name of the department store in Borchester,
one of the earliest stockists of Bridge Farm's organic dairy products?
-Yes. Lynda Snell has three llamas,
Wolfgang and Constanza are two of them, what's the name of the third?
-Yes. What was the nationality by birth of Laura Wilson,
who married Dan Archer's brother Frank
and lived in Ambridge Hall until her death in 1985?
What was the name of the doctor who left
after having had a brief and scandalous affair with Shula,
whose son was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis?
-Yes. For what crime was Susan Carter sent to prison in 1993?
Harbouring her brother.
Perverting the course of justice, but same thing.
What is the name of the nursing home near Ambridge
whose current residents include Jack Woolley?
Fallon Rogers is the singer with which band?
-Little White Lies.
What is the name of Eddie Grundy's older brother
who has spent time at Her Majesty's pleasure?
-Yep. Marjorie Antrobus was a breeder,
exhibitor and owner of which breed of dog?
Her last one was called Bettina.
-Yes. What's the name of the child
born to Tony and Pat Archer's only daughter Helen
who became pregnant by a sperm donor in 2010?
Which retired architect did Julian Pargetter marry in May 2005,
just a few months before she died?
From which of her aunts did Schula buy the stables in 2001?
Kate and Lucas Madikane have two children,
their daughter is called Noluthando, Nolly for short,
what's is the name of their son?
-Yes. The Duchess of Cornwall recently appeared at Grey Gables
-in a role as president of the National...
Finish the question, ..of the National Osteoporosis Society.
Which charity was Princess Margaret supporting
when she appeared in 1984?
No passes, Jacqui Smith,
indeed a perfect round, you got them all right, 14 points!
And our next contender, please.
-And your name is?
-Your chosen charity?
-The Young Epilepsy.
-And your chosen subject?
-The Marx Brothers films.
The Marx brothers, in a minute and a half, starting now.
In Horse Feathers, which of the Marx Brothers plays Frank Wagstaff,
the son of Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff?
Which noted African explorer does Groucho play in Animal Crackers?
-Yeah, what is the profession of Groucho's character,
Wolf J Flywheel in The Big Store?
A production of which Opera, at the New York Opera House,
provides the setting for the climax of A Night At The Opera?
Which statuesque actress was the butt of Groucho's humour
in several of the films as well as his love interest in some of them?
In Horse Feathers, at his inauguration as college president,
Professor Wagstaff, played by Groucho Marx,
sings Whatever It Is, I'm Against It,
what's the name of the college?
Which actress plays Christine Marlowe,
who finds a possible backer for the play being produced in Room Service?
In Duck Soup, Rufus T firefly is appointed as the leader of which mythical Republic?
Who wrote both the music and lyrics
of the songs used in The Cocoanuts?
The action in Room Service centres on an attempt
to put together a production of the play Hail And Farewell
by a producer and his cast based in which hotel in New York?
Who appears as the nightclub singer Gil Stewart in A Day At The Races?
-Erm, Allan Jones.
In A Night In Casablanca what number comes up three times in succession for Rusty
on the hotel's roulette wheel, so breaking the bank?
Which circus puts on a show in the grounds of Mrs Dukesbury's mansion
when she is expecting a symphony orchestra?
-A Day At The Circus.
-A Day At The Circus?
-No, Wilson's Wonder. In Monkey Business...
..whose stolen passport do the stowaways try in turn to use to get off the ship?
I'm sorry, could you say that again?
I'm afraid we're out of time now, so I can't.
-Oh, I know, Maurice Chevalier!
-You've got it!
You see, you didn't need me to tell you again.
Anyway, no passes and 13 points.
And our next contender, please.
-All right, no pressure!
-Absolute pressure. Oh!
Don't worry about it.
-It is a requirement.
-Your chosen charity?
-The Children's Adventure Farm.
-And your chosen subject?
-The TV series Quantum Leap.
Quantum leap, in a minute and a half, starting now.
In Quantum Leap, Dr Sam Beckett is a physicist
who becomes lost in time following an experiment
and temporarily becomes other people, who plays Beckett?
The top secret Quantum Leap Project facility
is based in Stallion's Gate in which American state?
In Honeymoon Express, the opening episode of the second series,
the funding for the Quantum Leap Project is secured
after Sam makes sure his new bride passes which exams?
What is the name of the young man with Down syndrome
whom Sam becomes twice, once in season two and again in season five?
What food analogy do the characters repeatedly use
to refer to the holes in Sam's memory?
Sam eventually finds out that his mission had not been
to prevent the assassination of President Kennedy,
but to prevent Lee Harvey Oswald from killing whom?
What's the title of the episode
in which Sam leaps and becomes a woman for the first time?
In Double Identity, what is Theresa's favourite phrase?
It roughly means, I'm telling the truth.
-If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
In the episode entitled The Wrong Stuff,
Sam finds himself wearing nappy when he has become what animal?
When Sam becomes Marilyn Monroe's chauffeur in Goodbye Norma Jean
he keeps her alive long enough so that she can make which film?
-The last one she did?
-I can't member what it's called, sorry.
-All right, we'll take it as a pass.
In Last Dance Before An Execution,
the second bullet had not been found in the church
because it was hidden behind what?
-A picture of Madonna.
What reason does Angelita the Guardian Angel
-give for stating that Al will never get to heaven?
-Well, I'll tell you because you are out of time.
There's a dress code in heaven, apparently!
And that other one about Sam becoming Marilyn Monroe's chauffeur,
he keeps alive long enough so that she can make The Misfits.
And the title of the episode in which some becomes a woman for the first time,
What Price Gloria? Jason, three passes, nine points.
DROWNED BY APPLAUSE
And our final contender, please.
-And your name is?
-Your chosen charity?
-And your chosen subject?
-The history of New Zealand 1642 to 1872.
New Zealand in 90 seconds, here we go.
Which Dutchman was the first European to discover New Zealand in 1642?
What's the meaning of the word Maori,
which came into common use in the 1860s?
It was used to distinguish them from the newcomers.
-Who was appointed the first British resident in 1833?
His major achievement was the design of Maori flag for shipping.
According to legend, what did Captain Cook give to Horeta Te Taniwha
when he was a small boy?
Which fearsome warlord went to London in 1820
where he managed to meet George IV?
-Yes. What breed of sheep
was the first to be imported on a large scale into New Zealand,
arriving in Nelson in the early 1840s?
-Which French explorer entered New Zealand waters
at the same time as Captain Cook in his ship the St Jean-Baptiste?
What name is given to the incident in June 1843
when both Europeans and Maoris were killed
in a clash between armed New Zealand company settlers
and the Ngati Toa?
-The Flagstaff War?
-No, the Wairau Dispute.
By what name are the intertribal wars, fought between about 1815 and 1840,
commonly known because of the weapons used?
-The Musket War.
Who chopped down the British flag above Kororareka now known as Russell,
several times before sacking the town in 1845?
In 1867, while exiled in the Chatham Islands,
Te Kooti experienced a spiritual awakening,
-by what name did his new faith come to be known?
-Well, I can tell you cos your time is up. Ringatu.
And your other passes,
it was Marino sheep that were the first to be imported on a large scale.
According to legend, Captain Cook gave Horeta Te Taniwha a nail when he was a small boy
and the meaning of the word Maori, normal.
Four passes, Erin, six points.
Well, some very high scores there. Let's have a look at all the scores.
In fourth place, with six points, Erin Boag.
Third place, nine points, Jason Manford.
Second place, 13 points, Nathanial Parker.
In the lead with a very big 14 points, Jacqui Smith.
So, round two now, general knowledge,
and if there is a tie at the end of it,
then the number of passes get taken into account
and the person with the fewer passes is the winner.
Let's get on with it and ask Erin to join us again, please.
-It was a big subject, New Zealand, wasn't it?
-Yes, it was, 230 years!
Anyway, Strictly, that's what people want to know about, isn't it?
I've always been intrigued, you don't get usual partners, do you?
-No, no, we don't get to choose our partners.
-You are told?
-We are told.
So, what if you are partnered with some horrible, slimy, smelly...you know.
-Did you ever say, "Urgh, not him!"
-No, actually, I've had, erm...
Well, nine partners now and they've all been wonderful
and they've all smelt great!
-You'd have to say that, wouldn't you?
-They have! LAUGHTER
-You could do it next year.
-I have been invited, and...
HE LAUGHS We could have a little try-out here.
Look, I'm up for most things, but not...
I mean, that's kind of humiliation I can do without.
-No, you do, you dance well.
-I can dance well in my dreams.
Do you reckon you know who's going to win, him or her?
Well, I think you have a fair idea, maybe not who's going to win,
but you have a fair idea who is probably going to do well.
And can you really, you as the partner, can you really improve them?
Well, I'd like to think so, yeah!
With got to coach them, sometimes you've got to counsel them because...
-Well, you see their every emotion.
I've seen men weep because it's quite scary.
-Would he give us a few names of the weepers? Go on!
Let's get to the business. You've got six points,
let's see how you do with your general knowledge.
Two minutes this time, starting now.
Which member of the horse family, native to Africa,
has a distinctive striped coat?
What name is usually given to songs
that are intended to soothe babies and send them to sleep?
Nicole Scherzinger, a judge on the American version of the X Factor,
was formerly a member of which girl band?
46 Albert Square, Walford, is the address of which television pub?
-No, the Queen Vic.
What is the capital of the Australian state of New South Wales?
-Nearly, it's Sydney, but it was close.
Which star of the television series ER plays Governor Mike Morris,
an American presidential hopeful in the 2011 film The Ides Of March?
The cynical and disillusioned teenager Holden Caulfield
is the hero of which classic novel by JD Salinger?
Which thick stew-like North American soup
is usually made with fish or seafood, especially clams?
Erm, a...fish chowder.
Yes. In which ballet, with music by Tchaikovsky, does the Sugar Plum Fairy
dance in the Kingdom Of Sweets?
Which R&B singer who had a hit with Umbrella
and topped the charts in October 2011 with We Found Love
was born in Barbados in 1988?
Where on a rattle snake's body are the horny plates
that it shakes to warn off enemies?
Which ill-fated Queen who died in Paris in October 1793,
was the wife of King Louis XVI of France?
In which Caribbean country did both ska and reggae music originate?
What name is given to the simple instrument consisting of a magnetised needle
used in navigation to find directions?
Which Hollywood actor stars in Mr And Mrs Smith,
Fight Club and the Curious Case Of Benjamin Button?
-Yes. In which country did Fidel Castro...
I'll finish the question.
..permanently hand over power to his brother Raul in February 2008?
-Well, I'll tell you cos your time's up. It was Cuba.
And your other passes, Marie Antoinette was that ill-fated Queen,
the Nutcracker was the Tchaikovsky ballet,
Catcher In The Rye was JD Salinger's book
-and the horse family with the striped coat, zebra.
-But, look, you did very well, you now have a total of 15 points.
-There you go!
And now Jason Manford again, please.
-Have you recovered now?
-All right now.
Well, we'll talk a bit about comedy before we ask the questions
cos, I mean, what's extraordinary is the way that
people are turning out in huge numbers at live shows
and we have a recession on.
Yeah, I think that actually plays a part, to be honest.
The last time there was a boom was, sort of, in the '80s.
You know, unemployment, and minor strikes, and Thatcher and that.
I think there's similar things happening now.
-Cos the audiences are huge, aren't they?
I suppose is a guaranteed good night, isn't it?
If you already like that person then you know you're going to have a good time.
Isn't a big audience less frightening than a relatively small one?
Because if 10% of 10,000 people laugh, that's 1,000 people.
If 10 percent of 500 people laugh it's only a handful.
Yeah, I mean, there is an element of that
and also there's a sort of pack mentality as well, I think,
where, you know, laughter, and sometimes you see people laughing and they don't even get the joke,
they just think, "I'd better not be left out here!
"Oh, yeah, good one! I'll Google that when I get in."
-Anyway, you survived this ordeal so far and you've got nine points,
let's see how you do with your general knowledge. Two minutes, starting now.
In which film does Cliff Richard play a London mechanic
who travels across Europe with three friends
in a converted double-decker bus?
Erm... Oh, that holiday one.
-Oh, what's it called, now?
Oh...it's gone out me head.
All right, we'll make it... I'll tell you, it's Summer Holiday.
According to legend, which Swiss national hero
was ordered by the Austrian government
to shoot an apple from his own son's head with a crossbow?
-Yes. What word, originally referring to a wooden device used by clowns
to make a smacking noise, is now used for other type of knockabout comedy?
"Cooking doesn't get any tougher than this."
that's a frequently heard expression on which television show?
-MasterChef Goes Large.
The plot of which Shakespeare play
centres on the confusion caused by the presence in the same town
of to sets of identical twin brothers?
Who lost his 100 metres World Athletics title
after false starting in the final in August 2011?
Whose recording of Love Is All Around
from the film Four Weddings And A Funeral spent 15 weeks at number one in '94?
-Wet Wet Wet!
At a Burns Night Supper,
which food item's addressed as, "Great chieftain of the pudding race"?
-Sorry, can you say that again?
At a Burns Night Supper, which food item's addressed
as, "Great chieftain of the pudding race"?
I didn't know the first time,
I just wanted to hear you say it again!
-Yeah, well, I did it straight that time.
-I don't know.
Who was president of The National Union of Mineworkers from 1982 to 2002,
leading them into the great strike of 1984?
Astigmatism is an irregularity affecting what part of the body?
The Soviet Union's foreign intelligence and domestic security agency,
established in 1954, was known by what three-letter abbreviation?
The Birmingham toolmaker Joseph Hudson
produced the first effective type of what object,
still used today by football referees?
Which chart-topping single by Wings features the bagpipes and drums
-of the Campbeltown Pipe Band?
-Mull of Kintyre?
-Mull of Kintyre is correct.
You had two passes.
-The haggis, of course.
-Oh, yeah, of course.
-And that Shakespeare play, Comedy of Errors.
-You've got now, Jason, 15 points.
-That'll do, I'll take that! APPLAUSE
And now, Nathaniel Parker again, please.
-The Inspector Lynley Mysteries.
Very well known as a result of it, but now you're playing a baddie on telly, in Merlin.
-Oh, it's overused word, baddie. Misunderstood.
-What, he's a nice guy really?
-Nice guy, hard childhood.
-Lovely to children?
-Yeah. He's a sweetheart.
Yes, well, they thought,
"Who can we have with black hair rides a black horse
"and wears black clothes and has a deep voice?"
-So they got me.
-So they got you.
Actually, I'm just desperately trying not to be Alan Rickman, that's what it is!
LAUGHTER Because it would be... He sets the bar, he is fantastic.
The baddies fandom, really, isn't he?
He's brilliant at it. I'm doing some comedy now.
Well, some people talk about Inspector Lynley as comedy, but... LAUGHTER
I think you've got, you know, it's lovely to be able to be bendy and plastic like that.
It's the whole point of the game, that's why we went into it, really.
Let's see how you do with your general knowledge now.
13 points already, here we go.
Which plant is said to be lucky
when it has four leaves instead of the normal three?
-Yes. On 27 April 1992 Betty Boothroyd became the first woman
to be elected to which post in the House of Commons?
-Speaker of the House.
Who wrote the series of seven Narnia stories for children?
Which long-handled tool with a curved blade,
often associated with the Grim Reaper,
was one of the implements used for cutting grass
before the invention of the lawnmower?
-Yes. In Japanese cuisine,
what name is given to a dish of seafood or vegetables
deep-fried in a light batter?
-Sashimi? No, tempura!
Mick Hucknall was the lead singer with which band,
formed in the mid-80s?
-The famous illuminations in which seaside town
date from this display put up to celebrate the visit of Princess Louise in 1912?
What was the first Bond film with Daniel Craig in the title role?
Which 18th-century Scottish political economist and philosopher
wrote the Wealth of Nations,
laying down the philosophical foundations of modern capitalism
and the modern market economy?
-No, Adam Smith.
Which disease is transmitted to humans
by the female Anopheles mosquito?
-Oh, pass! I know it!
-All right, you pass.
What day is called Poisson D'Avril in France
and Gowkie Day in Scotland?
Don't know, pass.
In classical music, what term for a large orchestral work,
typically divided into three or four movements,
comes from the Greek for "sound together"?
Which popular houseplant that has large, leathery, glossy leaves,
gets its name from its milky sap
that can be made into a low-grade elastic substance?
-Yep. What is known as "Kensington Gore" in theatrical slang?
In which country did the 2010 football World Cup Finals take place?
In which 2011 film starring Matt Damon, Kate Winslet and Jude Law among others,
do a team of doctors attempt to deal with a new deadly virus?
-I'll give you that.
According to the authorised version of the New Testament,
who wrote letters to the Galatians, Thessalonians,
Corinthians and Romans amongst others?
-Yes. Which fish...
Started so I'll finish,
..found in the Amazon and Orinoco basins in South America
is capable of reducing a shock strong enough to stun a human?
The stinging fish of South Africa, South America!
Nearly, but not quite, it's the electric eel, in truth.
-Poisson D'Avril and Gowkie Day is April Fools' Day!
-Malaria is what you get...
-Yes, by a mosquito and all that.
Casino Royale was the first Daniel Craig Bond film and Mick Hucknall -
So, you have now rocketed up to 24 points.
APPLAUSE More than I thought, oh, right.
And finally, Jacqui Smith, again, please.
And it's not going to be possible to talk to you
without mentioning THAT business when you were Home Secretary
and expenses and all that sort of stuff.
What's interesting about it, in a way,
is that you didn't just, sort of, but your tail between your legs,
you went on Radio 5 Live and made a show called Porn Again.
Kind of, reminding everybody about what had happened to you. Why?
Well, there's two ways of dealing with this.
You know, similarly as I decided to fight my seat in the general election
when quite a few people said to me,
"Well, why get you just go off now and not go through that?"
In the same way, I thought, "Well, I want to actually take this issue,
"that everybody has got all these weird ideas
"and prejudices and views about,"
and it was so interesting to be able to go and talk to people
on all sides of the argument
and come to a conclusion and I hope to be doing some more of them.
What do you miss most out of politics?
Cos you were there for quite a long time
and you rose to a very high office.
Do you know, I miss our early morning, you know, how can I put it?
-Jousting, I suppose is a nice way to put it.
-Yes, we had a few.
Some of them more friendly than others, as I recall.
I don't remember the friendly ones, actually!
-You'll have to send me the recordings of those ones!
I miss some of the comradeship of people, some of the people,
I was there in Parliament with,
but I don't miss it as much as I thought I would miss it.
What you think about this coalition government?
We'll just have a little bit of the old Jacqui Smith politics interview!
What do you think of them?
Well, I didn't vote for them
and the sooner they are not the government any more the better,
-as far as I'm concerned.
-Now, why did I think you were going to say that?
Right, the top score at the moment is 24 points,
you already have 14, here we go, two minutes, starting now.
The little dog Toto belongs to the heroin Dorothy
in which 1939 classic film?
-The Wizard of Oz.
The fresh leaves of which herb
are crushed with pine nuts and olive oil to make traditional pesto?
-Yes. In Roman mythology,
who was the god of the sea, usually depicted holding a Trident?
-Yes. The title music for the television series The Apprentice
comes from a ballet by which Russian composer?
-Who was sworn in as American President
on board the presidential plane Air Force One
after the assassination of John F Kennedy?
Which a boy band represented the United Kingdom
at the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest with this song I Can?
On the Royal Coat of Arms the shield is supported by a lion representing England
and which mythical animal representing Scotland?
What mountain range contains most of the world's highest peaks, including Everest?
-Yes. Which comedian and actor's literary works include
The Liar, The Hippopotamus and Moab Is My Washpot?
-In August 1941, a German spy a named Josef Jacobs
became the last person to be executed at which historic London landmark?
-Erm... Tower, the Tower of London.
In 1961 the International Council for Bird Preservation
chose which bird, commonly seen in Winter Gardens,
as Britain's national bird?
Which former Today presenter now hosts Radio 4's The Reunion,
bringing together people who have lived through an important moment
of recent history?
Which scientific instrument gets its name
from the Greek words for "at a distance" and "to look"?
-Yes. What literary prize did Julian Barnes describe as,
"posh bingo," before he finally won it in 2011?
Which musical family, brought up as Mormons,
first entered the UK top 10 with Crazy Horses in November 1972?
Which English archaeologist discovered the tomb
of the ancient Egyptian King Tutankhamen in 1922?
What was the name of Britain's first offshore pirate radio station,
which started broadcasting in March '64?
-Yes. In which North Yorkshire seaside resort...
..is the Stephen Joseph Theatre, where most of
Alan Ayckbourn's plays are first performed?
Three passes. Sue MacGregor!
-She'll be so upset!
-I know, I know! LAUGHTER
Stephen Fry wrote Moab Is My Washpot and all of those,
and Prokofiev wrote the music for The Apprentice.
And you'll never live down the Johnson one, will you?
-But I got Blue!
-The Eurovision Song Contest!
How about that? How about that? And here's the point, you got 26 points.
Well, how close was that? Let's have a look at all the scores.
In joint third place, with 15 points apiece,
are Jason Manford and Erin Boag.
In second place, with 24 points, Nathaniel Parker.
In first place, with 26 points, Jacqui Smith.
-Thank you very much.
-Well done. How does...
How does winning that compare with winning an election?
-You can be honest.
-Well, I lost the last election,
so this is a massive, big improvement, thank you very much!
Well done, well done!
Thanks to all very much indeed for watching,
do join us again for more Celebrity Mastermind.
You don't have to be a celebrity to appear on the show.
So, if you would like to appear in the next series on BBC Two,
then do visit us online at bbc.co.uk/mastermind.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
E-mail [email protected]
Former home secretary Jacqui Smith, actor Nathaniel Parker, Strictly Come Dancing's Erin Boag and comedian Jason Manford are the contenders. They answer questions on The Archers, the Marx Brothers, the history of New Zealand and TV series Quantum Leap.