Episode 1 Celebrity Mastermind

First in the spotlight tonight is Jack Ashton from Call The Midwife.

His specialist subject, Ashes cricket.

APPLAUSE

Next, the comedian Rich Hall.

He'll be answering questions on Tennessee Williams.

APPLAUSE

Guy Mowbray, the Match Of The Day commentator, takes as his subject the band Iron Maiden.

And finally, the great Pam Ayres on British wildlife.

APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to Celebrity Mastermind, with me,

John Humphrys, and four people who may be wondering why

they volunteered to be here tonight, but one of them will become

a Celebrity Mastermind and that's an honour.

They get a minute and a half of their specialist subject

and then two minutes on general knowledge,

all in the glare of the spotlight and all for charity.

So, let's ask our first contender to join us, please.

-And your name is?

-Jack Ashton.

-Your chosen charity?

-Cystic Fibrosis Trust.

-And your chosen subject?

-The Ashes cricket.

In 90 seconds, starting now.

Who retired from Test cricket at the end of the 2006/07 Ashes series

after he took his 700th Test wicket?

Shane Warne.

Who made his Test debut at Lord's in the 2005 Ashes series

and was the top scorer in both of England's innings?

Kevin Pietersen.

In 2009, England beat Australia in an Ashes Test at Lord's

for the first time since which year?

1934.

In 2013, which English ground hosted an Ashes Test

match for the first time?

It was the fourth match in England's home series.

-Durham.

-Yeah, Riverside.

In the first Test at Cardiff in 2009,

how many deliveries did the last wicket

partnership of Jimmy Anderson and Monty Panesar survive

together to secure an improbable draw for England?

69.

In the first Test of the 2013 series at Trent Bridge, which teenage

bowler, who was making his Test debut, scored 98 runs off 101

balls, batting at number 11 in Australia's first innings?

Ashton Agar.

The first delivery of the 2006/07 series, bowled by Steve Harmison,

was extremely wide and went straight into the hands of an England

fielder standing in the slips. Who was the fielder?

Andrew Flintoff.

In 2015, who became the first English player

since Ian Botham to be part of an Ashes winning team for a fifth time?

Ian Bell.

What's the name of the medal that is awarded to the player of the series in the Ashes?

It was named after two great cricketers,

one from each side, and was first awarded in 2005 to Andrew Flintoff.

Compton-Miller.

In Mike Atherton's final Test match at the Oval in 2001,

which Australian bowler dismissed him for a record 18th time?

-Glenn McGrath.

-Glenn McGrath is correct.

No passes, you got them all right, Jack! Ten points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-Hello, John.

-How are you, Rich?

-I'm good, thanks.

-I'll ask you for your name because that's what we do.

-Right.

-And your charity.

-Rich Hall. Wildlife Trust.

-And your chosen subject.

-Tennessee Williams.

Tennessee Williams, in 90 seconds, here we go.

What is the name of the faded Southern Belle,

who alongside her crude brother-in-law Stanley Kowalski is

the principal character in the 1947 play A Streetcar Named Desire?

-Blanche Dubois.

-What was the name of Williams' troubled sister,

to whom he was devoted in his later years?

He used his wealth to pay for her private care.

Rose.

Audrey Wood was Williams' friend and adviser.

What role did she play in his professional career?

She was his agent.

In 1956, Williams' book, entitled In The Winter Of Cities, was published.

It was his first published work in what literary genre?

-Short stories.

-Poetry.

What was the name of the magazine for which the 16-year-old

Williams wrote a short horror story called The Vengeance Of Nitocris?

Pass.

Williams reported that a touring production of the play Ghost,

that he saw in the mid '30s, convinced him

that his future lay in writing works for the theatre.

Which Norwegian author wrote the play?

-Strindberg.

-Ibsen.

On which British interviewer's television show did

he coyly discuss his homosexuality for the first time in 1970?

David Frost.

His first successful play, which had its Broadway

premiere in March 1945, has strong autobiographical elements. What's it called?

The Glass Menagerie.

The first of the two novels written by Williams is a lightly

veiled autobiography that was published in 1950.

What's its title?

The Roman Spring Of Mrs Stone.

Williams won four awards from the Drama Critics Circle.

Which other prestigious literary prize did he win twice,

first for A Streetcar Named Desire, then for Cat On A Hot Tin Roof?

-The Pulitzer.

-What was the name of the man with whom Williams

shared his longest romantic attachment?

They remained together for 13 years.

-Frank Merlo.

-Is correct. You had one pass.

The name of that magazine for which he wrote a short horror story

was Weird Tales.

And you have scored, Rich, eight points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-And your name.

-Guy Mowbray.

-Your chosen charity.

-Is the Sporting Memories Network.

-And your chosen subject.

-Iron Maiden.

Iron Maiden, in 90 seconds, here we go.

What is the name of the East London bassist and founder member of Iron Maiden

who chose the band's name in the mid '70s because it just sounded right for the music?

-Steve Harris.

-For which former Iron Maiden drummer did the band perform various

benefit concerts after they learnt that he had multiple sclerosis?

-Clive Burr.

-What song did Iron Maiden refuse to mime

when they made their debut on Top of the Pops in February 1980?

Running Free.

What name was given to the Boeing 757 flown by Bruce Dickinson

on the band's 2008 world tour after fans were asked to name the plane?

Ed Force One.

In which Italian city did Bruce Dickinson

make his debut as the band's lead singer on the 26th of October

1981, during the Killer world tour?

-Turin.

-No, Bologna.

Which Iron Maiden single released in June 1983 inspired the name

of a beer created by Robinsons Brewery and Bruce Dickinson?

-The Trooper.

-Which artist created the monstrous picture of the band's mascot

Eddie on the cover of their 1980 debut album?

Derek Riggs.

What is the title of the band's first live album that was

largely recorded at the Long Beach Arena, California,

in March '85, during the World Slavery tour?

Live After Death.

Which instrumental track on the band's second album, Killers,

is named after a 13th century warrior?

Genghis Khan.

What is the name of the singer in the band Wolfsbane who

replaced Bruce Dickinson as Iron Maiden's lead vocalist in '94?

Blaze Bayley.

What is the title of the band's 16th studio album,

released in September 2015?

The Book Of Souls.

In which South American country was the band not allowed to

appear in concert on the 23rd of July 1992,

because of alleged satanic references in their music?

Brazil.

-Nope. Chile.

-Ah.

-Close.

You scored, though, Guy, no passes and ten points.

APPLAUSE

And our final contender, please.

And your name is?

Your chosen charity?

And your chosen subject?

-British wildlife?

-Yes.

-Here we go, 90 seconds.

The golden eagle is so-called because the plumage of part

of its body is a rich golden brown - which part?

-The head.

-What is the smallest and most common bat native to Britain?

The pipistrelle.

The pygmy is the smallest of three British species of a tiny animal

that has a long pointed snout adorned with bristling whiskers - what animal?

-The shrew.

-What bees lay their eggs in the nest of bumblebees

and sometimes kill the resident queen?

The bumblebee workers then rear the young as their own.

Mason...

No, cuckoo bees. Or parasitic bees.

What were reintroduced into the wild initially on a trial basis

in 2009 in the Knapdale forest in Argyll

after an absence of several hundred years?

-Beavers?

-Which animals alert

others of the species to their presence with scent marks

that consist of droppings known as spraints?

Otters.

Which breed of ponies found on the uplands of North Devon

and West Somerset has remained virtually unchanged

since its ice age ancestors?

-Exmoor.

-Smooth, great crested and palmate

are the three British species of which amphibian?

-Newt.

-Which very rare snake

found only on dry heathland gets its name

because its scales are flat, unlike those of the viper

and grass snake that are ridged?

The smooth snake.

Which creature from North America is thought to have been

first released in the grounds of Henbury Park in Cheshire in 1876?

Its import has been an ecological disaster.

The grey squirrel.

Which legless lizard is one of the three lizards

native to the Britain along with the common lizard and the sand lizard?

The slowworm.

A controversial cull of badgers was introduced

because they can supposedly transmit a disease to cows - what disease?

-TB.

-Yes, bovine tuberculosis.

Pam, no passes, you've scored 11 points.

Thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

Well, what a close round. Let's have a look at all of those scores.

In fourth place, eight points, Rich.

Joint second place, 10 points apiece,

Jack and Guy.

First place, 11 points, Pam.

APPLAUSE

So the general knowledge round now

and if there is a tie at end of it,

then the number of passes are taken into account

and the person with the fewer passes is the winner.

Let's get on with it and ask Rich to join us again, please.

And I spotted that you're probably American, Rich.

I don't know quite how that came across but it did.

Is there a gag or an approach that is absolutely guaranteed to work

with a British audience and not with an American audience

or vice versa, or is there a single gag that always works with both?

No, not really, no. No.

I have... I have jokes that can die on both sides of the ocean.

Have you ever done a joke that you...

It sounds like you're asking me to tell a joke.

Gosh, you got there ahead of me.

LAUGHTER

-No, no. I don't think this is the time.

-You don't?

-Yeah.

-Well, you'll be penalised.

I was going to give you the easy questions,

but now I'm going to have to...

You can't hurt me any more than you already have. I'm last place!

-You're a couple of points behind.

-I'm in the cellar.

You've got two minutes of general knowledge questions

-to prove that Americans...

-But I can already tell

they're going to be British questions about...

I'm just going to say Jim Callaghan to everything and hope I get it right.

-All right. Here we go, then.

-All right.

-Two minutes of general knowledge.

-OK.

And you have eight points and you're very close to the leader.

Here we go. H2O is the chemical formula for what liquid?

Water.

Hammerhead, basking and whale are all species of what fish?

-Shark.

-Which art gallery was founded in 1824

after the House of Commons voted to buy 38 paintings

for the nation from the banker John Julius Angerstein?

-Tate Modern.

-National.

Which American city has two major-league baseball teams,

the Yankees and the Mets?

New York.

What name for the strip on the side of a cinefilm

on which the audio part of the film is recorded

has come to be used generally for the film's music or dialogue?

Pass.

The Traverse, the Playhouse and the Festival

are among the theatres in which Scottish city?

-Edinburgh.

-Which French former Foreign Minister

was appointed by the European Commission

to head the Brexit negotiations with Britain in July 2016?

Pass.

What common name is given to the membranes in the larynx

whose vibrations produce speech and sound when air is passed over them?

-Pass.

-In bingo calling, which number

is traditionally referred to as clickety click?

Er...66.

What position did Tiberius hold from 14 AD

after he succeeded his adoptive father Augustus?

He was only the second person to hold the position.

Pass.

Which member of a famous musical family

had her first UK top 40 hit with What Have You Done For Me Lately?

It reached number three in 1986.

Pass.

What term for the Americas was first used

around 1502 in a letter by Amerigo Vespucci?

-The Americas?

-The New World.

What is the occupation of Oliver Mellors,

Lady Chatterley's lover in the novel by DH Lawrence?

-Shoe salesman.

-Gamekeeper!

The term Hellenic generally refers to the culture

or language of what ancient civilisation?

I'm sorry, can I... Can you repeat...

The term Hellenic generally refers to the culture or language

of what ancient civilisation?

Greek. Greece.

The scale that is typically used to measure the acidity

or alkalinity of soil is known by what two letters?

The values go from 0 to 14.

-pH.

-Yeah, pH is correct.

You have five passes.

Janet Jackson was the member of that famous musical family.

Tiberius was a Roman emperor.

Vocal cords is the membranes in the larynx and all that.

Michel Barnier was the... IS the European Commissioner

that's heading up the negotiations

and the name for the strip on the side of the cinefilm,

the soundtrack.

-Oh!

-You have now, Rich, a total of 15 points.

APPLAUSE

And now, Jack, again, please.

And you are the vicar in Call The Midwife.

The pretend vicar, yeah. Curate, still.

-Oh, you're just a curate?

-After five years.

You haven't done very well, then?

-No, I'm terrible at it.

-If you're still a curate.

It's going to go on forever, Call The Midwife, isn't it?

What is it about it?

I just think that, obviously,

there's a lot of nostalgia out there.

It's a really interesting time period,

obviously it's very much about the birth of the NHS,

going back to a period where people really went from having to

literally pay for medicine to having it given to them for free.

So it's a whole... It was a sea change in the political arena.

And I think what's happening now, in the world,

I think people are looking back to that time

and kind of going, like, what...

Why did they have it... It went very well in the 1960s, 1950s.

And it's all falling apart now.

There's a kind of reassuring thing about it.

There's a reassuring thing about it and it's a nice show, isn't it?

And you get to see your characters every week and...

-You ain't complaining.

-I'm not.

Anyway, you've got 10 points

and you now have the general knowledge round.

Two minutes of questions, here we go.

Which duo had their only number one single in the UK

in 1965 with I Got You Babe?

Sonny and Cher.

The adjective solar refers to what heavenly body?

Sun.

The series of dynastic civil wars

known as the Wars of the Roses was fought between

the forces of the House of York and which other royal house?

-Lancaster.

-Which edible nut,

with a hard three-sided brown shell,

grows on trees that can only survive in the Amazonian rainforest

because of their complex ecological requirements?

Pass.

What word for a heavy lorry comes from

an incarnation of Krishna whose image is dragged through the streets

in an annual festival in Puri in India?

-Arctic?

-Juggernaut.

Which comic book hero made his first appearance

in Action Comics in June 1938?

Superman.

Which Japanese dish, whose name translates as sour,

consists of boiled rice, flavoured with vinegar,

and served cold with a variety of vegetable,

egg or raw seafood garnishes?

Pass.

What number is at the bottom of a standard dartboard

opposite 20 at the top?

Three.

Imelda Staunton plays Martha and Conleth Hill plays George

in a 2017 London revival of an Edward Albee play

about marital strife. Which play?

Pass.

In 1888, while he was in Arles, Vincent van Gogh produced

several famous still-life paintings of what flowers?

Sunflowers.

What is the name of the characteristic loose draped

outer garment that was worn by Roman citizens?

Pass.

How is the Italian landmark known locally as

La Torre Pendente di Pisa known in English?

The Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Which actress won a Golden Globe and was nominated for

an Oscar and a Bafta for her role in Almost Famous?

She's the daughter of Goldie Hawn.

Um, er...

Kate Hudson.

The Queen officially opened a new road bridge

across a body of water in September 2017,

53 years to the day that she opened its predecessor.

What body of water?

-The Thames?

-Forth.

Which media mogul has children called Prudence, Elizabeth,

James, Lachlan, Grace and Chloe,

born between 1958 and 2003?

-Murdoch?

-Yeah.

Which television scriptwriter,

whose works include The Liver Birds,

Butterflies and Bread, died in May 2016?

-Oh...

-You so know that, don't you?

I do. But I don't.

No, have to put you out of your misery. Carla Lane.

Your other passes, the name of the loose draped outer garment -

-you'll be cross with this one, as well - toga.

-Toga, yeah!

-The play Imelda Staunton was in, Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?

-Yes.

That Japanese dish that sounds horrible when you spell it out...

-Sushi?

-Sushi.

-Yeah.

-And those nuts in... grown in Brazil, are Brazil nuts.

-Course they are!

-LAUGHTER

-Jack, you've got 19 points.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

And now Guy, again, please.

And, I was going to say, football is your trade,

-it's probably your life, as well, isn't it?

-Pretty much, yeah.

-Dominates everything.

-So let's do a bit of nostalgia.

-Mmm.

-It's not like it was, is it?

-Nothing is.

No, it's not and I do prefer it in the old days.

-Did you?

-I know I shouldn't say that.

I'm sounding very old and decrepit,

but I much preferred the '80s and the '70s, when it was a bit raw.

-It's a little bit too clean and sanitised now.

-Ah.

Oh, I thought you were going to sound off about things

like the amount of money involved...

And that, as well, yeah, absolutely, but money ruins everything.

And it's done that with football, undoubtedly.

But you can't change the actual game.

The game in essence from first whistle to last is still the same.

And that's the bit that I like.

What, even if players are falling over all the time?

Part of the theatre, John.

-Really?

-I've got to say that.

-LAUGHTER

-We don't like it, really.

All right.

You've got 10 points already, Guy.

The score to beat is 19.

So let's see if you can do it in two minutes starting now.

How many disciplines are there in a triathlon?

-Three.

-Yep. The name of what

large, extinct flightless bird that lived in Mauritius

is said to come from the Portuguese for fool or crazy?

-Dodo.

-Yep. Followers of which religion

abstain from food and drink from sunrise to sunset

during the holy month of Ramadan?

-Islam.

-Yep. What word derived ultimately

from the Latin for vessel

is used for a container for cut flowers?

-Vase.

-Yep. Alfred Bird,

who was born in Birmingham in 1811,

invented a product because his wife

was allergic to eggs. What product?

Pass.

On which stage musical, premiered in 1986,

did Tim Rice collaborate

with the male members of Abba?

Oh...

Dancing Queen.

Chess. In which sea are the groups of islands

known as the Greater and Lesser Antilles?

Pass.

Chuck is a familiar form, especially in North America,

of what male forename?

-Charles.

-Yep. The Battle of Spion Kop,

fought in January 1900,

was one of the bloodiest of which war?

-Boer War.

-Yeah, the second Boer War.

A 15-year-old from Swindon

reached number one in the UK charts

in July 1998 with her debut single

Because We Want To. Who is she?

-Billie.

-Yeah, Billie Piper. In which 2017 film,

directed by Christopher Nolan,

does Mark Rylance play the captain

of one of the small boats that took part

-in the evacuation of Allied soldiers...

-Pass.

-..from northern France in 1940?

-Pass. Pass!

What alternative name for a wizard

comes from the Old English for an oath breaker or liar?

-Soothsayer.

-Warlock.

In which Italian city is Shakespeare's play

Romeo and Juliet principally set?

-Verona?

-Yes.

What name was given to the once notorious

former Docklands area of Cardiff

that's now gentrified? It's the birthplace of

the singer Shirley Bassey.

-Tiger Bay.

-Yep. Which stamp dealer

first began his business in 1856

at a desk in his father's pharmacy shop in Plymouth,

where he worked as an assistant?

-Francis Drake?

-Stanley Gibbons.

Who was the King of France while the Palace of Versailles

was transformed from a hunting lodge to an immense

and extravagant complex

surrounded by stylised gardens?

-Louis XIV?

-Yes.

What 2004 film sequel,

with Julie Andrews as Queen Clarisse of Genovia

and Anne Hathaway as Mia Thermopolis...

BEEP ..is subtitled Royal Engagement?

The Princess Bride?

Oh, nearly! The Princess Diaries.

-Oh.

-Very close.

You had three passes.

-Dunkirk, it was.

-Yeah, as soon as I heard film, I gave up.

I noticed that, yeah.

Anyway, Dunkirk, very famous film, as you know.

Erm... The Greater and Lesser Antilles in the Caribbean Sea

and Alfred Bird invented custard powder.

-Bird's custard powder.

-Of course!

-Yeah, I know.

Anyway, Guy, you've got 20 points.

APPLAUSE

And now Pam again, please.

And...

..we all have the impression, rightly or wrongly, Pam,

that you can write poetry about anything.

Give you a subject and you'll write a poem about it.

-I don't think that's true, really, John.

-You don't?

No, it's got to be something that catches my imagination,

that I think I can get a bit of mischief out of.

-Ah...

-Yeah.

-So there has to be a bit of mischief?

-Yes.

-Right.

-So, have you considered writing one for us?

-Yes, I have.

I'll try and remember it,

otherwise I've got it tucked down my trousers.

-Well!

-It goes -

Here on Mastermind, I sit upon the fabled chair

I have to ask myself exactly what I'm doing there

John Humphrys I will boldly face with grit and fortitude

For all that lovely cash will buy a lot of hedgehog food.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-You manage to encapsulate so much in a few lines.

-Oh, thank you.

It's a great challenge to be succinct, if I can.

-Great. Yeah. Now, you've got 11 points.

-Yes.

And you've got to beat 20 to win this coveted title.

Here we go.

The name of what tinned meat is given to unsolicited

electronic junk mail?

-Spam.

-Yes. Which English queen famously said

that she had "the body of a weak and feeble woman

"but the heart and stomach of a king"?

-Elizabeth I.

-Yes.

What name is given to the soft-bodied, legless grub

of various insects such as the housefly?

They're typically found in decaying organic matter.

-Larvae?

-Maggots.

-Maggots, sorry.

Which political doctrine, first advanced by Karl Marx,

seeks to replace private property

and a profit-based economy with public ownership?

-Communism.

-Yes. Who was the lead singer

with the vocal group The Supremes

before she embarked on a successful solo

and film career?

-Dionne Warwick.

-Diana Ross. In Greek mythology,

the spots on the tail of a particular bird

are the 100 eyes of the all-seeing giant Argus.

What bird?

-Erm... Eagle?

-The peacock.

The Narnia Window was designed and made by Sally Scott

and installed in Holy Trinity Church near Oxford

in 1991 next to the pew where a writer habitually sat.

Which writer?

-CS Lewis.

-Yes.

Which pre-decimalisation coin was known as a tanner?

-Sixpence.

-Yep. What is the traditional name

given to a group or gathering of 13 witches?

-A coven.

-A coven, yeah.

What kind of prize-winning animal

is Lord Emsworth's beloved Empress of Blandings

in the novels by PG Wodehouse?

-She's a pig.

-Yeah.

Which television comedy threesome

consisted of Graeme Garden,

Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke-Taylor?

-The Goodies.

-Yup. What disease, transmitted to humans

in the bite of a species of mosquito,

takes its name from the Italian for bad air?

Erm...

-Malaria?

-Yes.

In April 1792, Nicholas-Jacques Pelletier

became the first person

to be executed in Paris by what means?

-A guillotine.

-Yes. Which classic 1960 Western

was based on the Japanese film the Seven Samurai?

Pass.

In which 2016 stage musical does Michael Crawford

play the older Leo Colston

in an adaptation of LP Hartley's classic novel?

Oh, erm...

I don't know, pass.

The murder of a European Archduke by Gavrilo Princip

in June 1914 was a contributing factor... BEEP

..to the outbreak of the First World War.

Who did he kill?

Hans Joseph. Franz Joseph!

It was actually Franz Ferdinand, the Archduke.

Yep, there we go.

Two passes. The Go Between was that film...

Oh, I loved that book!

I know, a great one.

And it was The Magnificent Seven

-that was based on the Seven Samurai.

-Of course it was.

However, Pam, you did it.

-21 points.

-Oh, gee!

-APPLAUSE

-Oh, gosh!

So, it stayed close to the end. Let's have a look at all the scores.

In fourth place with 15 points, Rich.

In third place with 19 points, Jack.

In second place with 20 points, Guy.

In first place with 21 points, Pam.

APPLAUSE

Pam...

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And you're now going to have to write a poem about this, aren't you?

I will, I really will, yes.

You've started working on it already?

Yeah, but I'm stunned, so you'll have to give me a little while.

Well, you don't have to be a poet or a celebrity to take part

in the regular Mastermind programme.

If you'd like to appear in the next series on BBC Two,

visit us online...

And you can follow us on Twitter.

And do join us again next time

for more Masterminds.

Thanks for watching. Goodbye.