Pennod 1 Darren Drws Nesa

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-# There's nowhere like home

-# Or so I'm told

-# There's nowhere like home, no

-# Home is just like you #

-That was Gemma.

-Things have changed here.

-Mind you, some things

-haven't changed at all.

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

-

-Alright, lad?

-This from your mother.

-Lots of fun, sun and wine.

-She can't spell cider. C-I-D-RE.

-Uh-uh. Wrong, Debbie.

-David says something in French.

-Je t'aime le fromage bleu.

-What?

-Sorry, but I am a massive idiot.

-No.

-I love you, the blue cheese.

-What do you want me to do with it?

-What do you want me to do with it?

-

-Put it in the bin?

-Um, as you've got a day off, Kev...

-..why don't you finish that project

-you abandoned months ago?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-

-Yes. You can help him, Darren.

-Your Uncle Edgar

-must have thought the world of you.

-A wealthy farmer, hundreds of acres,

-thousands of beefs and lambs.

-But what does he leave you?

-Does he know how to fix it?

-Do I know how to fix it?

-No, no idea, sorry.

-Shall I try to fire it up?

-Shall I try to fire it up?

-

-Or just set it on fire?

-Start it, Darren!

-Don't just sit there.

-I'm trying to.

-What does that say?

-What does that say?

-

-You like books with more pictures.

-It'd help

-if you did a mechanic course...

-..instead of faffing about

-with cooking.

-Right.

-Right, right, right.

-I don't know much,

-but I'd say that this wire...

-..is supposed to be stuck somewhere.

-Look in the manual

-to see where it should go, Dad.

-H, I, J, K, L.

-L.

-No, there's nothing

-under loose wires.

-CAR HORN

-Hello!

-Hello!

-

-Bonjour, bonjour.

-Hiya, Mam. Did you have a good time?

-Hiya, Mam. Did you have a good time?

-

-Yes, thanks, love.

-A great holiday.

-Tres bon. Exceptional.

-Did you have fun, Angharad?

-Did you have fun, Angharad?

-

-Lovely, thanks.

-You haven't caught much sun.

-You haven't caught much sun.

-

-It was just nice.

-Not too hot.

-It rained all day at the theme park.

-It rained all day at the theme park.

-

-Oh, shame.

-It's been lovely here.

-Phew, heatwave.

-Did you get the postcard?

-Did you get the postcard?

-

-No.

-Haven't you fixed that yet?

-Haven't you fixed that yet?

-

-It's been too hot to work lately.

-Oppressive, actually.

-Oppressive, actually.

-

-The new car's running smoothly, Kev.

-Like sauce de chocolat.

-Hello. Welcome home. Cuppa?

-Hello. Welcome home. Cuppa?

-

-Thanks, Chloe. OK, Gwenllian?

-Fine. Welcome back.

-And thanks for the postcard.

-And thanks for the postcard.

-

-You can send us one when you go off.

-You are going somewhere, aren't you?

-Well, we...

-Well, we...

-

-Yes.

-Yes, later on.

-Oh, yes? Where are you going?

-Surprise! Why tell him that?

-We'll go somewhere.

-Have I ever let you down?

-Yes.

-We'll go somewhere.

-It'd be nice

-to go somewhere sunny.

-Or to go further than them.

-Or to go further than them.

-

-Whoa, whoa, whoa. Get a grip.

-You can have fun close to home

-without throwing cash around.

-The Land Rover's big enough

-to take us somewhere.

-Nice idea, but check the manual,

-under N for nackered.

-I can't fix it, can I?

-I'll do it, and you can help.

-I'll do it, and you can help.

-

-I think I've got tennis elbow...

-Come on!

-Kev is sweet and all, but...

-Kev is sweet and all, but...

-

-He's hopeless, isn't he?

-But I still like him...

-..even though he doesn't want me.

-You do get to live with him.

-You do get to live with him.

-

-Yes, but...

-..it's not enough sometimes.

-I want him...

-..in a different way.

-D'you know?

-I'm going to help

-with the Land Rover.

-Oh, I'm lucky.

-A new job, a better salary.

-A new car.

-One of the best caravans around.

-And the prettiest girl

-in the whole of France.

-Things couldn't be better.

-Then try to be the same here

-as you were in France.

-Don't worry.

-From now on, I'll be tres relaxe.

-Very relaxed,

-not letting Kevin wind me up.

-The yoga seems to be doing you good.

-Yes. Yes, it is.

-Namaste.

-I might ask Gwenllian

-if she's free later on.

-No, they're off on holiday.

-They're not going anywhere.

-Kev will be over soon

-with some story.

-Like what?

-Oh, I don't know.

-Holiday company gone bust.

-Gastroenteritis

-has closed the place.

-A shark in the swimming pool.

-I know him too well.

-Can we move house, please, Debs?

-No, David, sorry.

-I only agreed to leave Kev

-as long as I didn't leave Darren.

-Having him next door

-is working fine.

-Well, will you agree

-to something else then?

-Gavin from the caravan next to us

-has stolen my console.

-Have you looked everywhere?

-Have you looked everywhere?

-

-I don't have to. He's texted me.

-"I've got your console, Dyfrig."

-He spelled Dyfrig with a V.

-He seemed so nice.

-There must be a way to get it back.

-There must be a way to get it back.

-

-Yes.

-"If you want it,

-it'll be on eBay, you loser."

-Oooooh.

-How did you manage

-to hold onto Gemma then?

-There are only three other boys

-on the course.

-One's like Chewbacca, one's like

-a pepperoni pizza, and one's 53.

-Angharad found a boy in France.

-Angharad found a boy in France.

-

-Don't tell me. Jean-Pierre?

-No, Garmon, from Cardiff.

-No, Garmon, from Cardiff.

-

-Cardiff?

-Like when Chloe copped off

-with Arwel from town in Llangrannog?

-He sounds much better than Arwel.

-He sounds much better than Arwel.

-

-What's so great about him?

-He's handsome.

-He's handsome.

-

-Describing me?

-He's clever, and he's mature.

-Darren, what are you doing?

-Recording my fart to send to Iwan.

-Maybe Garmon just about

-beats me on maturity.

-Still no luck, Kevin?

-Still no luck, Kevin?

-

-You'll see now.

-Start it, Gwenllian.

-Very disappointing.

-How long are you keeping

-that ugly caravan there?

-It makes the place look untidy.

-And it blocks the sun.

-And it blocks the sun.

-

-Darren?

-Where can we keep it, Debs?

-It looks untidy.

-I don't know. Darren!

-Come and get your present.

-Close your eyes.

-Are you serious?

-Are you serious?

-

-Every chef needs a pancake pan.

-Why?

-Why?

-

-To make pancakes.

-David got something for you too.

-Wow. Thanks, David.

-To dry the pan after using it.

-Darren's wanted a Paris landmarks

-tea towel since he was a little boy.

-Thanks, David.

-Thanks, David.

-

-Thanks on his behalf, David.

-Fantastic.

-Back to the caravan.

-I'm phoning Garmon.

-I'm phoning Garmon.

-

-Back to the Land Rover.

-I'm going to play

-with my pancake pan.

-OK?

-Do you think Daz liked his present?

-Do you think Daz liked his present?

-

-Of course. Don't let Kev rile you.

-No. No, I know.

-Tres relaxe.

-Leave that. I said I'd clean it.

-No, love is clearing up

-your girlfriend's vomit.

-I'll do it, I said.

-I'll do it, I said.

-

-No.

-We had a good time, didn't we?

-I've never had

-proper champagne before.

-We had fun.

-Yes.

-I love it when you laugh.

-I love you, Debs.

-Do you love me?

-Do you love me?

-

-Yes, I do.

-Enough to marry me?

-Are you serious?

-Are you serious?

-

-Completely serious.

-Will you marry me?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-

-Oh! Oh!

-Oh, Debs.

-Oh, Debs.

-

-But...

-..let's keep it quiet.

-Just...

-OK.

-Ugh! A French kiss.

-I feel like

-hitting myself with this pan!

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-Subtitles

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

-Spanner.

-Screwdriver.

-And a cloth.

-How's the patient, doctor?

-How's the patient, doctor?

-

-Out of intensive care.

-Right, start it, Kev.

-Stand back, friends.

-Back from the dead,

-like Lazarus at Sunday school.

-Ten.

-Nine.

-Eight.

-Eight.

-

-Get on with it...

-# Here we go,

-here we go, here we go

-# Here we go,

-here we go, here we go #

-What about the console?

-What about the console?

-

-What can I do?

-He's not answering his phone.

-We don't know where he lives.

-We don't know where he lives.

-

-London.

-Oh, let's look for him in London.

-You start at the top, me at the

-bottom and we'll meet in the middle.

-And that's it?

-Yes. Sorry, Dyfs.

-Life isn't fair.

-No, it isn't fair.

-Right, I've checked the oil

-and the tyres.

-Yoga with David next.

-Can you bend him in half

-and send him back to France?

-It says here

-that the cheapest holiday option...

-..is to buy a roll of foil

-and lie on the beach.

-On the foil by day,

-under the foil at night.

-Well, there's some in the kitchen.

-I wish I hadn't talked

-about a holiday.

-I'll need an excuse

-for them next door now.

-What will you say?

-Something truly creative...

-..like the holiday company

-went bankrupt.

-Clever.

-I'd like to go to Blackpool.

-And me!

-Kiss me quick,

-candy floss, fish and chips.

-A sing-song with Tony ac Aloma.

-# I've got a girlfriend #

-# And I'm her #

-Thanks.

-Where are you going then?

-Somewhere nice.

-Hot, far away.

-You don't know, do you?

-It's a surprise.

-What's that?

-What's that?

-

-A diary.

-Dyfrig's diary.

-What does it say?

-What does it say?

-

-Don't, fair play.

-Yes.

-Oh, we're bad!

-"Charlotte said hello to me today."

-Who's Charlotte?

-Who's Charlotte?

-

-Next caravan but one.

-"Or maybe to Dad,

-over my shoulder.

-"Never mind, she's lovely. Hot."

-"Never mind, she's lovely. Hot."

-

-Hot!

-"I can see her eating her breakfast

-through the gap in the curtains...

-"..if I stand on tiptoes

-in our caravan's toilet."

-Oh, poor Dyfrig.

-Oh, poor Dyfrig.

-

-Did he get stuck in the toilet?

-"I wanted to come home.

-Gavin's been mean all week."

-"Dad doesn't want to know, Darren

-and Chloe weren't interested."

-Where is he?

-Where is he?

-

-Why?

-I might bake him

-a welcome home cake.

-And a card. "We've read your diary

-and told Charlotte to steer clear."

-Yes, you're right.

-If we say anything,

-he'll know we read it.

-I'm going to treat him better.

-And you, Darren?

-Yes, I'll try my best.

-Very hot!

-Darren!

-This is nice.

-I relax, and my problems

-melt away and disappear.

-I think I can make

-your other problem disappear.

-I know where you

-can keep your caravan.

-Where?

-Uncle Edgar's place.

-He's left the farm

-and the land to Edna.

-Edgar's brother's wife's sister.

-Understand?

-No, but it doesn't matter.

-There's a shed by the farmhouse,

-a roof over it.

-It'd cost something,

-but I'd haggle on your behalf.

-What's in this for you?

-All I want

-is peace between you and Kevin.

-Then everything will be fine.

-MOBILE RINGS

-It's work.

-Endaf, the big boss man.

-Endaf, the big boss man.

-

-Leave it.

-No, I'm food hygiene deputy.

-What if there's a crisis?

-Salmonella, cryptosporidium.

-Or one of the big ones.

-Endaf, how are you?

-Hey!

-I've had a brilliant idea

-for a holiday.

-I'm sure it's not brilliant,

-but tell me anyway.

-What if we stay

-in the pub for a week?

-The Lion?

-The Lion?

-

-Yes.

-It's a bit small, we'd have to hide.

-not make a noise and not go out.

-At all?

-At all?

-

-Yes.

-In case David or Dyfrig sees us.

-What do you think?

-Dad, of all the awful ideas

-you've ever come up with...

-..that's the worst yet.

-Have you got another one?

-Have you got another one?

-

-Yes.

-Going to the beach

-with a roll of foil.

-I've got to go into work.

-I've got to go into work.

-

-Eh? You don't start until Monday.

-Sorry, Debs, I insisted.

-I want the job done properly.

-I refuse to play ping pong

-with the public's health.

-David? Edna has agreed.

-Sorry?

-Sorry?

-

-The woman with the farm.

-You can keep the caravan there,

-but you have to take it there today.

-I can't today. Tomorrow?

-I can't today. Tomorrow?

-

-No, she's going away tomorrow.

-The place will be locked up.

-Shame. She wanted much less

-than I meant to offer as well.

-You can take it, Debs.

-You can take it, Debs.

-

-I've never towed a caravan.

-Shame. A nice, dry place.

-Oh, well...

-Sorry, David, I didn't think.

-Would you like me to take it?

-I could hitch it to the Land Rover.

-Is the Land Rover up to it? Are you?

-The best trailer reverser around,

-that's what Uncle Edgar said.

-Well, I...

-MOBILE RINGS

-Work again!

-Work again!

-

-Shall I tell Edna you can't go then?

-What do I do, Debs?

-Gwenllian, don't speed.

-Gwenllian, don't speed.

-

-I won't. I'm a careful driver.

-Take care while reversing.

-Take care while reversing.

-

-I will.

-And if the road's narrow

-for a Land Rover and a caravan...

-..scratch the Land Rover!

-It's hitched.

-Whoa, what's going on?

-How many does it take

-to park a caravan?

-We're going for chips,

-to give it a run.

-MOBILE RINGS

-MOBILE RINGS

-

-I hope you don't break down.

-Not on the way there, anyway. Hello?

-Yes, I'm on my way.

-Don't start without me.

-Right, bye.

-Slowly, Gwenllian.

-Debs, am I doing the right thing?

-Slowly, Gwenllian!

-Right, phone satnavs for Blackpool!

-Eh?

-We're off on holiday!

-We're off on holiday!

-

-We?

-Now.

-Come on, David. Tres relaxe.

-Blackpool?

-Yes.

-Kiss me quick! Ha ha!

-This Gwenllian's good.

-Much too good for Dad.

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

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