Pennod 3 Darren Drws Nesa

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-# There's nowhere like home

-# Or so I'm told

-# There's nowhere like home

-# No #

-Brilliant! David's going to go nuts!

-I love you.

-You make me so happy.

-You make me so happy.

-

-Hm.

-You make me happy too.

-Breakfast in bed for you.

-Good morning, Angharad.

-Good morning, favourite son.

-Good morning, favourite son.

-

-OK?

-It's a lovely morning, Dyfs.

-Fine weather.

-The beach for you, if you like.

-Picnic, frisbee...

-Gulls stealing my chips.

-Gulls stealing my chips.

-

-No, no, no, not today. Not today.

-Ice cream, candy floss.

-Ice cream, candy floss.

-

-Why are you so happy?

-Because the world's

-a wonderful place, Angharad.

-The sun's shining

-and beaming its magic onto life.

-Oh!

-Oh, no!

-No, no, no!

-What's wrong?

-What's wrong? Are you alright?

-What's wrong? Are you alright?

-

-No, I'm not!

-Look!

-Come on, wake up. Get up.

-Come on, get up!

-Come on, Dad!

-What's wrong?

-What's wrong?

-

-I've got something to show you.

-Dad, hurry up! It's worth seeing.

-Dad, hurry up! It's worth seeing.

-

-What? Where?

-My room.

-Can I go back to bed afterwards?

-Can I go back to bed afterwards?

-

-Yes.

-This had better be good.

-Well, what do you think?

-Superb!

-Superb!

-

-Shame.

-Did a cow do that?

-Did a cow do that?

-

-A mole!

-Moles, more like.

-Look! He's coming out.

-And Debbie too.

-And Debbie too.

-

-Hilarious!

-He's gutted!

-He loves his garden.

-His pansies are knackered.

-His garden's fine.

-They've picked on me!

-Don't take it personally, David.

-Don't take it personally, David.

-

-This is deliberate.

-They don't know where they are.

-It's dark underground.

-There must be loads of them.

-There must be loads of them.

-

-An army!

-Let's take a photo.

-Hiya, David!

-Good morning, David.

-Have you had visitors?

-Have you had visitors?

-

-Shut up!

-Moles look nice,

-but they're a real pest.

-Close the window, Kevin!

-Vandals!

-You need a Keep-Off-The-Grass sign.

-Vandals!

-Ignore him.

-Ignore him.

-

-I won't let anything spoil my day.

-Chill, OK?

-Chill, OK?

-

-I'll try to relax.

-I'm relaxing!

-Oh, well, enjoy yourself.

-Alright, bye.

-Will you go out, please?

-Yes, sorry.

-Are you OK?

-Are you OK?

-

-Yes.

-But peace and quiet would be nice.

-I can't get any privacy here.

-Mud and dirt are sure to be carried

-into the house sometimes.

-Animals are responsible, usually.

-But you needn't be overly worried.

-Let the dirt dry then clear it...

-..with a vacuum.

-Or should I say vacuum cleaner?

-Or should I say vacuum cleaner?

-

-No, no. Carry on.

-Do you have specialist equipment?

-Do you have specialist equipment?

-

-Yes, I have just purchased...

-Purchased?

-Purchased?

-

-It means to buy.

-Yes, I know what it means.

-Buy would be better, Mam.

-But I haven't bought it, have I?

-My friend, Kevin, has stolen

-next door's Hoover for me to use.

-I don't think you should say that.

-Mrs Davies, we've looked closely

-at your business plan...

-..and it all looks in order.

-We have no doubts...

-..about giving you a grant

-to start your business.

-Many congratulations.

-Thank you, Kev!

-What should I wear?

-Dress like a cleaner.

-Dress like a cleaner.

-

-Like Mrs Mop.

-A suit would be best.

-A suit would be best.

-

-Yes, a suit.

-What time is it?

-What time is it?

-

-I've got plenty of time.

-I'll do some yoga first.

-And we can celebrate tonight.

-And we can celebrate tonight.

-

-The home brew will be ready.

-Gwenllian, garage?

-Gwenllian, garage?

-

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Stay there.

-What's wrong?

-What's wrong?

-

-Are your feet clean?

-Come in then.

-I've designed and printed labels

-for the bottles.

-Stick them on then.

-Don't bother with this one.

-Yes, I want to tickle your feet

-with a feather too, Gemma.

-I'd better go now.

-Kisses to you too. Bye.

-What?

-What?

-

-Nothing.

-We'd better try one.

-It'll be perfect.

-Mam followed all the instructions.

-It's disgusting.

-It can't be.

-It can't be.

-

-Let me try it.

-Disgusting.

-It's like sweaty feet...

-..with a sprinkling

-of cheese sticks.

-I wouldn't say that.

-Are you pulling my leg?

-You're not keen either!

-What if we tried another one?

-What if we tried another one?

-

-You can. It'll be the same.

-Someone

-must have done something to it.

-Or in it.

-Who'd do that?

-Why look at me?

-Dad!

-Dad!

-

-Someone must have done something.

-It wasn't me.

-It wasn't me.

-

-Or me.

-All I did...

-All I did...

-

-Here we go.

-All I did was add a bit more sugar.

-All I did was add a bit more sugar.

-

-Why?

-To make it a bit stronger.

-To make it a bit stronger.

-

-You've spoilt it.

-Sorry. What are we going to do?

-What are you going to do, you mean.

-FART

-More stressed than usual, David.

-I feel the negative vibes wafting.

-I'm contemplating

-the best way to get rid of moles.

-Don't let them worry you.

-No, no, it's too late.

-Kill them slowly,

-in a toaster, maybe.

-And take a deep breath.

-Or full power in a microwave.

-That would be cruel.

-I'm sure there's an easier way.

-Another breath, and down.

-FART

-Oh, sorry. Sorry.

-It's just not working today.

-It's not your fault.

-No, I know.

-You'll have to get rid of them.

-But how?

-Uncle Edgar used to set traps...

-..and leave the corpses

-as a warning to the others.

-It was gruesome.

-Phone him.

-Phone him now

-and tell him to come over.

-Too late, David.

-Uncle Edgar's

-like a mole himself now.

-Buried.

-You're determined to find

-one drinkable one, aren't you?

-This one's the same again.

-This one's the same again.

-

-Why would it be any better?

-Have you considered

-what you're going to do?

-Not yet.

-So it's a good job

-I've given it some thought.

-These moles have made me

-tense my shoulders.

-It's stress.

-Let me see.

-Oh, yes.

-Hard nodules.

-Sorry, do you mind if I...

-Listen, David, you have to relax.

-That's the point of yoga.

-Oh, yes.

-Is that better?

-I'm still a bit tense.

-There?

-There?

-

-Yes, there.

-Oi!

-What do you think you're doing?

-Debs!

-I thought yoga

-was meant to be relaxing.

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-You're not still angry, are you?

-You're not still angry, are you?

-

-Yes.

-You're overreacting.

-You're overreacting.

-

-Am I?

-How would you react if you found me

-rubbing against Kevin in the garage?

-Well, that would be suspicious,

-but we were doing yoga.

-That was a massage, David.

-Ooh, yes, that's it. There, ooh.

-It was entirely innocent.

-You haven't got rid

-of the molehills, I see.

-I'm just back from work, Darren.

-Can't you get rid of them?

-Can't you get rid of them?

-

-I don't know.

-It's a dirty job, and difficult.

-It's a dirty job, and difficult.

-

-I'd pay.

-That's a different story.

-That's a different story.

-

-David can do it.

-He's the man of the house,

-or he thought he was this morning.

-And again in the garage.

-And again in the garage.

-

-Have you argued?

-No.

-No.

-

-Yes.

-Have you been a naughty boy?

-I haven't done anything wrong.

-Why was your mother angry?

-Why was your mother angry?

-

-I don't know.

-But David's done nothing wrong.

-Are you alright, Debbie?

-Are you alright, Debbie?

-

-What?

-Are you alright?

-Are you alright?

-

-Yes.

-Do you want to talk to me about it?

-Do you want to talk to me about it?

-

-No.

-Are you sure, Debbie?

-Are you sure, Debbie?

-

-Yes.

-Sure, sure?

-Yes, she is.

-Has Dad sent you to practise?

-Has Dad sent you to practise?

-

-No, but he's sure to ask if I have.

-He'll be angry if I haven't.

-He'll be angry if I haven't.

-

-I'll say you have, if you like.

-Why would you do that?

-Why would you do that?

-

-Because I know you hate the piano.

-I've never said that.

-I've never said that.

-

-You said so, yesterday.

-Don't you remember?

-Don't you remember?

-

-No, but I might have done.

-Whatever, I'll lie for you.

-Why are you being so nice to me?

-I've read his diary.

-I know who's picking on Dyfrig.

-He's in Year 11.

-No problem.

-I'll sort it out in two ticks.

-You're a star.

-I'll come with you to school

-so you can point him out.

-He's not hard to spot.

-He's spotty and he swaggers.

-He won't swagger

-when I've finished with him.

-He fancies himself as a boxer.

-He fancies himself as a boxer.

-

-He won't know what's hit him.

-And he lifts weights.

-And he lifts weights.

-

-He won't lift a finger afterwards.

-Maybe you know him. Adrian?

-Adrian...

-Wild Adrian?

-Yes, I think they call him that.

-He punched his big brother, I heard.

-His big brother?

-His big brother?

-

-Put him in hospital, apparently.

-You should try to charm him first.

-I'm relying on you, Darren.

-You are hard, aren't you?

-Well...

-Well...

-

-Thank you, Darren. You're a hero.

-What are you making?

-A Victoria sponge.

-A Victoria sponge.

-

-Nice.

-If you have any sponge mix left,

-will you make me some fairy cakes?

-Thanks, Darren.

-Finally.

-Finally.

-

-It's not easy.

-Where's your mother?

-Where's your mother?

-

-She's not answering her phone.

-Maybe she's had bad news

-and can't face coming home.

-After all the trouble I've gone to?

-Oh!

-What you saw was totally innocent.

-I was stressed.

-I had a massage.

-That's it.

-You have to believe me.

-I love you, you know that.

-I've just asked you to marry me.

-Deb...

-..it was nothing.

-I don't think of Gwenllian

-in that way.

-Really?

-Really?

-

-I swear.

-Does Gwenllian think the same way?

-What? Gwenllian fancies me!

-Well, it's possible.

-I don't think so, no.

-Will you talk to her,

-in case she gets any ideas?

-Tell her to steer clear.

-I don't think there's any need.

-I don't think there's any need.

-

-So I'll tell her.

-No, no, it's best to forget it.

-Less embarrassing.

-I think you're making

-a mountain out of a molehill.

-Because of...

-Talking of molehills,

-I'll sort them out.

-What are you going to do?

-What are you going to do?

-

-I'm going to dig holes.

-What for?

-What for?

-

-To scare them.

-You haven't got a clue, have you?

-I haven't come across them before,

-I must admit.

-A mate of mine lives on a farm

-and they get them all the time.

-I phoned him for advice earlier.

-I phoned him for advice earlier.

-

-Thanks, Daz.

-What did he say?

-Well, he says they're nocturnal.

-His father goes out

-in the middle of the night...

-..about two in the morning...

-..when they think it's safe

-to come up for fresh air...

-..then he gives them a slap

-on their heads with a spade.

-A big spade like that one.

-A big spade like that one.

-

-Can I do it?

-No, I'd better do it.

-You shouldn't treat

-innocent animals like that.

-If they were really clever moles,

-he'd gas them.

-I've got gas with the barbie.

-I've got gas with the barbie.

-

-Or drown them.

-A hosepipe down one of the holes

-and flood everywhere.

-Whatever you do has to be humane.

-Catch them alive and release them.

-Catch them alive and release them.

-

-Yes, in the sea.

-You need traps. I'll get them

-from my friend. He lives on a farm.

-Thanks, Dyfs.

-But it'll cost, probably.

-Farmers won't give you anything

-free of charge.

-Gwenllian's back.

-We've finished.

-We've finished.

-

-Has she got the grant?

-I don't know.

-Oh, here we go.

-We'll be drowning our sorrows.

-I got the grant!

-I knew you'd get it. Well done.

-I knew you'd get it. Well done.

-

-Well done.

-Thanks to me and the fake interview.

-No, thanks to David

-and the real interview.

-David?

-David?

-

-Yes. He was on the panel.

-Fair play to him.

-What are they celebrating?

-I'm not sure, but maybe Gwenllian

-has got a business start-up grant.

-How do you know?

-As it happens,

-I was on the panel that awarded it.

-You? When?

-Today.

-Today.

-

-Why didn't you mention it?

-I didn't think it was important?

-Oh.

-Not important.

-Yes.

-The moles had upset me.

-I was filling in for Endaf.

-I just forgot.

-I just forgot.

-

-You forgot.

-You forgot that you did a favour...

-..for a woman I found rubbing

-your shoulders in the garage.

-You forgot.

-Well, are you going to join in

-the celebrations then?

-I hadn't intended to, no.

-David, Mam's asking

-if you'd like some home brew.

-How lovely. You'd better go.

-Gwenllian wants to show her

-appreciation for all you've done.

-You can come too, Debbie.

-I don't think we'll come.

-I don't think we'll come.

-

-Of course we will. Come on, David.

-She wants you, and it'd be

-a shame to disappoint her.

-Do you like it then?

-Do you like it then?

-

-It's lovely.

-Your mother likes the home brew,

-Chloe.

-What about everyone else?

-David, do you like it?

-Yes, it's very nice.

-I'd like to offer a toast

-to Gwenllian.

-To Gwenllian.

-To Gwenllian!

-To Gwenllian!

-

-To David!

-What do you think of it, Darren?

-Yes, nice.

-Like what Dad drinks in the pub.

-Like what Dad drinks in the pub.

-

-It's much nicer than that.

-You're not really

-going to use these traps, are you?

-I've considered every option.

-I've considered every option.

-

-It's cruel.

-It's not my fault.

-I didn't invite them here.

-Why not use those sensors that scare

-them off? Much more humane.

-But much less effective.

-Well, they did the job here.

-What?

-What?

-

-Look.

-I use a sensor.

-I haven't had a sniff

-of a mole since.

-You!

-You sent the moles to my garden.

-I didn't want them here, did I?

-Sometimes, just sometimes,

-Dad isn't as daft as he looks.

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

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