Pennod 5 Darren Drws Nesa

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-# There's nowhere like home

-# Or so I'm told

-# There's nowhere like home

-# No

-# Home is just like you #

-Maybe I'm overreacting,

-but I'm not in a good mood today.

-They've all tried and failed

-to cheer me up.

-Here's your boiled egg, mate.

-And soldiers to go with it.

-You sit down there.

-The last thing I want is food.

-But you love a boiled egg.

-But you love a boiled egg.

-

-Not this morning.

-Ta-dah!

-Who am I then?

-Who am I then?

-

-Harry Potter's grandad?

-Are you still sulking?

-Are you still sulking?

-

-Yes.

-No party if you're in a foul mood.

-No party if you're in a foul mood.

-

-I don't want to come.

-You're not coming like that either.

-You've had weeks to find

-a better costume than that.

-I look great, don't I, Darren?

-If you say so.

-It's too late to get another one.

-Go and look for something.

-Go and look for something.

-

-Like what?

-Anything at all!

-Come on now, Darren.

-It could be much worse.

-How?

-We could have been your guinea pigs.

-You're not still upset

-after last night.

-It was a disaster.

-I've had worse meals.

-Have you? When?

-I can't remember right off,

-but there were good points.

-What?

-The portions weren't too big.

-I'm bound to fail the exam.

-I'm bound to fail the exam.

-

-Yes, with that attitude.

-Practise the three courses again.

-The exam's tomorrow.

-The exam's tomorrow.

-

-Tonight it is then.

-There's no-one home tonight.

-Oh.

-What am I going to do?

-I'll think of something.

-Have I chosen the wrong course?

-Maybe I'm not cut out to be a chef.

-You're overreacting.

-It wasn't as bad as all that.

-You didn't poison anyone.

-What do you think then?

-There are clean shirts and trousers

-in the airing cupboard.

-I know. It's my costume.

-Who are you meant to be?

-That's obvious, isn't it?

-Here's a clue.

-The name's Rees. Kevin Rees.

-The name's Rees. Kevin Rees.

-

-No.

-Daniel Craig.

-James Bond, 007.

-Casino Royale,

-coming out of the sea..

-In his pants?

-Bathing trunks.

-Bathing trunks.

-

-They were light blue.

-I'll put them in the machine,

-hot wash with jeans.

-No, Kev.

-Try again.

-Go! Off you go.

-We should have two bathrooms.

-What's Dyfrig doing?

-What's Dyfrig doing?

-

-Vomiting.

-Oh.

-Are you OK?

-No. It was the chicken.

-I can't face

-eating his food ever again.

-Hey. You remember John and Melissa

-are coming over tonight, don't you?

-Who?

-The boss, John Ashworth.

-The big cheese, a high flyer.

-According to Endaf,

-John sacked the nanny...

-..because she didn't make

-home-made mayonnaise.

-Honestly.

-Ruthless.

-I thought Endaf was your boss.

-No, no, John is Endaf's boss.

-Area supervisor. The top man.

-He makes that...

-..Alan Sugar look like a puppy.

-Don't forget now, Debs.

-Don't forget now, Debs.

-

-I won't.

-What will you make them?

-What will you make them?

-

-I'm not cooking tonight.

-Darren's having another go

-at his exam menu.

-Why are you laughing?

-Darren's cooking tonight.

-Darren's cooking tonight.

-

-You're not serious!

-Yes, absolutely serious.

-His exam's tomorrow.

-Please, Debs, no! No, no!

-He almost killed us last night.

-He almost killed us last night.

-

-Oh, Debbie, it was horrendous.

-Are we really

-having the same tonight?

-Yes, sorry.

-Health and safety?

-You've got a lot to study.

-Most of it's common sense.

-There are a few practical points,

-first aid...

-Right.

-How about this?

-George Best after a big night?

-George Best after a big night?

-

-George Best wasn't Welsh.

-Joe Allen?

-Joe Allen?

-

-Close.

-Gareth Bale.

-Gareth Bale.

-

-No, Terry Bach is Gareth Bale.

-Joe Ledley?

-Joe Ledley?

-

-Ken Mawr is Joe Ledley.

-Ain't nobody like Joe Ledley.

-Ken's been growing his beard

-since Christmas.

-What are you wearing?

-What are you wearing?

-

-I'm not telling you.

-I'm expecting a parcel.

-A costume for yourself?

-Yes.

-So you'll be fine, won't you?

-So you'll be fine, won't you?

-

-Yes, I will.

-Thanks a bunch.

-You're welcome.

-Poor dab.

-I've got a costume for him.

-I'll let him stew for a bit.

-It's a good job you're not coming.

-Your Mr Grumpy's unbeatable.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Postman!

-Oh, it's you.

-Oh, it's you.

-

-Debbie said you're cooking tonight.

-Do you really want to bother

-cooking again tonight?

-Not especially,

-but I don't have any choice.

-Could I borrow the recipe?

-I take it you did have one.

-What for?

-What for?

-

-I want to study it.

-I'll help you in the kitchen.

-Sous-chef.

-I'd rather cook on my own.

-We'd only get in each other's way.

-We'd only get in each other's way.

-

-You'd get on his nerves.

-It could end badly.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Listen, David...

-OK?

-Could you sign for it, please?

-Thanks.

-A very big parcel for you.

-Mam?

-There's a costume for you in it too.

-There's a costume for you in it too.

-

-For me?

-Oh, yes!

-What?

-What?

-

-You'll see, won't you?

-What are you wearing?

-What are you wearing?

-

-I'm not saying, but here's a clue.

-We'll be the heroes tonight.

-Heroes...

-Heroes...

-Give up! Tell me!

-Give up! Tell me!

-

-No, no, no.

-You're like a little boy, Kev.

-A little boy? Nicw Nacw!

-That wasn't a clue.

-That wasn't a clue.

-

-What then? Open it!

-Open it so that I can try it.

-What now?

-What now?

-

-I've had a great idea.

-Says you.

-Says you.

-

-Yes.

-What if you practise cooking

-after John and Melissa go home?

-I don't get it.

-Your mother can cook

-for them, as arranged.

-Then the kitchen is yours

-to make as much mess as you want.

-That's a rubbish idea.

-Whoa! Don't say that.

-Take your time to consider it.

-No, it's still a bad idea.

-No-one will be hungry

-because they'll have eaten.

-They wouldn't eat it

-even if they were starving!

-You need to practise making it,

-not practise eating it.

-Have you been crying?

-Have you been crying?

-

-No, vomiting.

-What do you write in that?

-What do you write in that?

-

-Personal thoughts.

-Leave it alone.

-I'd never forgive you

-if you peeked at it.

-Is that the stuff Mam bought for me?

-Is that the stuff Mam bought for me?

-

-Yes.

-I hear you're having

-another go at killing us.

-Oh, no!

-I have to vomit.

-What's the latest with the bullying?

-What's the latest with the bullying?

-

-Wild Adrian's still on the case.

-Go, Adrian!

-Go, Adrian!

-

-What?

-Dyfrig started it.

-Dyfrig started it.

-

-Act your age.

-He's really scared of Wild Adrian.

-He's really scared of Wild Adrian.

-

-Sorry.

-Get a grip, moping

-as if it's the end of the world.

-What if you had Dyfrig's problems?

-What if you had Dyfrig's problems?

-

-I did say sorry.

-Upset about soft carrots.

-Get a life, Darren.

-Sorry.

-Was it OK apart from the carrots?

-Was it OK apart from the carrots?

-

-The carrots were the highlight.

-Hey!

-Have you tried your costume?

-Have you tried your costume?

-

-We need a laugh.

-It didn't fit. The top's fine

-but the bottom's too tight.

-I can't close the button.

-I can't close the button.

-

-A safety pin?

-I've tried. It didn't work.

-It'd be too tight

-to dance, do my moves.

-Pressing on my belly, I'd be more on

-the bog than the dance floor.

-Shame.

-Shame.

-

-Yes, shame. The top's so nice.

-And the bra.

-There's a nail varnish kit

-and a headband and tights.

-And the heels are really nice.

-It is a shame.

-I've said sorry.

-Listen.

-How are you helping him?

-How are you helping him?

-

-I can't be in the exam with him.

-John and Melissa

-are used to the best.

-Michelin star restaurants.

-Darren's hopeless.

-He needs to practise

-and he'll try his best.

-His best isn't good enough

-to give John Ashworth.

-I couldn't care less

-about John Ashworth.

-I care about Darren's feelings.

-I care about Darren's feelings.

-

-I'm going to tell John that I'm ill.

-Or the truth -

-we all have food poisoning.

-If you do that, I'll be very angry.

-Darren's cooking tonight,

-and that's it.

-Oh, Debs...

-Sorry on his behalf, Darren.

-It's true.

-You said the same earlier.

-I didn't mean it.

-It was your first attempt.

-Maybe you were a bit ambitious.

-Maybe the chicken was old,

-or the prawns were off.

-Thanks for trying, but no.

-I can't do it.

-I'll tell them I'm dropping out.

-Maybe Dad was right.

-A mechanic's course

-might have been better.

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-Don't let a few prawns and a chicken

-get the better of you.

-Don't let David decide your future.

-David wants to impress

-on his big night.

-Gemma says she likes to stare

-out of the window at night...

-..counting the same stars as you.

-Stop doing that, Dad.

-Is she alright?

-Is she alright?

-

-Look for a skirt for your costume.

-Cheer up, Darren,

-things aren't as bad as that.

-Come into the kitchen

-to see what we can do.

-Shut the door behind you.

-Did you have to be so mean?

-Did you have to be so mean?

-

-Maybe not, but it was the truth.

-The truth can hurt sometimes.

-I just wanted a good night

-with nice food.

-Sucking up to John and Melissa.

-Sucking up to John and Melissa.

-

-A little, yes, probably.

-Is that unreasonable?

-NOISE FROM WARDROBE

-Oh!

-Hey, OK?

-Hey, OK?

-

-Kevin!

-Have you seen Debbie's

-little blue skirt anywhere?

-Oh, here it is.

-Alright.

-Bye now.

-What do you want?

-As you're not cooking tonight...

-As you're not cooking tonight...

-

-Go away, please.

-..can you help me

-with your old chest of drawers?

-Go away.

-Go away.

-

-I want to move it.

-Oi!

-I don't like it where it is.

-I'm sorry for earlier.

-I'm worried about tonight.

-We all get that, I think.

-Where's the food from the bags gone?

-Where's the food from the bags gone?

-

-Have you checked the bin?

-It's empty.

-What am I going to do, Debs?

-You'll have to order a takeaway.

-Yes! I'm better. I'd love

-a shish kebab, extra chilli.

-A takeaway isn't good enough

-for John Ashworth.

-Endaf said that he complained about

-the food at Rick Stein's restaurant.

-What am I going to do, Debs?

-How about apologizing to Darren

-and asking him nicely to reconsider?

-Why don't you bribe him?

-Offer him money?

-He won't do anything for me.

-He won't do anything for me.

-

-Go and try.

-He just threw me out.

-He just threw me out.

-

-Go and try again.

-Up to here.

-Is it going well?

-No, not really.

-Was that in the big parcel?

-Was that in the big parcel?

-

-Yes.

-And the costumes for tonight.

-I'm going to look fantastic.

-The most handsome there, guaranteed.

-I don't know

-if I'm doing this right.

-What does it say in the book?

-What does it say in the book?

-

-Blow into the mouth.

-That's what you're doing.

-That's what you're doing.

-

-Nothing's happening.

-He's not going to wake up

-and chat to you, is he?

-Then how do I know

-I'm doing it right?

-You won't, not until it happens

-in real life.

-So, I won't know I can do it

-until someone's dying?

-No, basically.

-That's not ideal, is it?

-Not really.

-You're supposed to exert pressure

-on the heart as well.

-CPR.

-CPR.

-

-Oh, clever.

-Cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

-Ooh, very clever, Kevin Rees.

-I did the course a while back.

-My name's on the wall

-of the bar at the Lion.

-First aid qualified.

-One.

-You have to press harder.

-Shift. I'll show you.

-You must have rhythm.

-One, two, three, push.

-One, two, three, push.

-One, two, three...

-One, two, three...

-

-ESCAPING WIND

-What have you done?

-I think I've killed him.

-Give him mouth to mouth.

-Ugh!

-Well?

-I didn't like to disturb them.

-I didn't like to disturb them.

-

-What were they doing?

-Snogging, I think.

-Snogging, I think.

-

-Who?

-Gwenllian.

-Gwenllian.

-

-And Kevin?

-I think so. She must be desperate.

-Where have you been?

-Where have you been?

-

-At the food bank.

-Was there anything there for dinner?

-Was there anything there for dinner?

-

-What were you doing there?

-I took the food

-Debbie bought for Darren there.

-It was a shame to waste it.

-It was a shame to waste it.

-

-Oh, I don't deserve this.

-You do. You were mean to Darren.

-Just so some stuck-up snobs

-could stuff their faces.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha.

-Thanks for the lesson in ethics.

-It doesn't help me now.

-Please, Debs,

-please, please, please.

-What?

-What?

-

-Will you cook for John and Melissa?

-It's too late now.

-It's too late now.

-

-Oh...

-Come with me.

-Oh, give me the money back.

-And the other one.

-What's the plan?

-The only option is to appeal

-to Darren's better nature.

-Eat a bit of humble pie.

-Whatever humble pie is,

-it's better than Darren's cooking.

-Hey, where are you going?

-Dad's going to suck up to Darren.

-Oh, and what did you see

-Gwenllian and Kevin doing?

-Does it matter? Come on.

-What the hell...

-Sorry, we have to save the world.

-Is Darren in?

-Is Darren in?

-

-No.

-Where is he?

-Where is he?

-

-I don't know, do I?

-If only Superman was here

-with his X-ray vision!

-Is Darren alright?

-Is Darren alright?

-

-No, he's very upset.

-And it's no wonder,

-after this one was so mean to him.

-Ooh, look, John.

-Oh, heavens, they're early.

-Everyone, behave. No swearing.

-They hate that. Endaf said.

-Why did you lie

-that Darren wasn't in?

-It'll do David good

-to suffer a bit longer.

-To the Batmobile!

-John, is it?

-Hello. Donald, is it?

-Weren't they characters?

-Sorry, we don't know them.

-They've just moved in.

-How are you, Melissa?

-How are you, Melissa?

-

-Sorry for being early.

-I've bought these

-so that we can have cocktails.

-This is Debbie.

-This is Debbie.

-

-Hello.

-And Dyfrig.

-And Dyfrig.

-

-Good evening.

-I hope you're not starving.

-Food isn't quite...

-We're alright for food.

-We're alright for food.

-

-No food?

-No. Didn't Endaf explain?

-We had chips on the way.

-We always have chips on a Friday.

-We always have chips on a Friday.

-

-Melissa grew up in a chippy.

-And proud of it. I can't stand

-people with airs and graces.

-Let's have a booze-up!

-You've got a nice place.

-You've got a nice place.

-

-Lovely.

-Thank you. We love it here.

-White wine, John?

-White wine, John?

-

-Have you got any cider?

-I hear you've eaten

-at Rick Stein's.

-Good grief, no. The only stein

-I like is one that's full of ale.

-Shall we go through?

-Well, what's this?

-The starters. Take a seat.

-The starters. Take a seat.

-

-Who made them?

-Darren made them all himself.

-And who's Darren?

-My son.

-They look nice.

-Thank you.

-Fine cuisine!

-We're not used to this.

-Do you have room, Melissa?

-Of course.

-You must be very proud of him,

-Donna.

-Yes. Yes, I am.

-And me. He's a good boy.

-Shall we sit down?

-I'll look for the cider.

-This'll do.

-I took everything to the food bank.

-I took everything to the food bank.

-

-Mam had enough stuff for him.

-Why didn't you say you were cooking?

-I never said I wouldn't, did I?

-So, you're sticking to your course?

-So, you're sticking to your course?

-

-I had two choices.

-Give up or accept

-Gwenllian and Mam's advice.

-That's what I did.

-Go to the table.

-It looks as if Endaf

-wound up David big time.

-So they tease him at work too!

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

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