Episode 11 Great TV Mistakes

Hello, I'm Robert Webb.

Welcome to Great TV Mistakes.

Now, I know what you're saying - "But people in telly don't make mistakes.

"They're all perfect, like you, Rob."

Not true. Everyone makes mistakes.

You just called me Rob, for instance.

And no-one but no-one calls me Rob unless I give them permission. Understand?!

Don't worry. People in telly are just like you.

They mess up. A crew member appears in the back of shot, a prop changes colour,

someone commissions another series of My Family.

Mistakes get made, and that's where we come in.

We find these embarrassing errors and make a show out of them.

Some people might call that schadenfreude. I just call it funny.

Enjoy.

This is X-Files rain, heavy and persistent, like Mulder,

apart for the heavy bit.

Dana and Fox are in hot pursuit of a woman doing some top-notch driving-in-heavy-rain acting.

Moving the steering wheel about, frowning at rain...

and then she hits a cloudy ghost. Bosh!

But when Mulder and Scully pull over seconds later, all the rain has gone. Spooky.

# Da-da-da-doo, da-da-da-doo... # Sorry, that's The Twilight Zone, sorry.

-I can see her.

-Michelle!

-Help!

A high-speed chase

in Knight Rider and Michael is in pursuit

of two blokes who have kidnapped a lady.

Oh, she's a terrible back-seat driver.

That car is all over the shop.

Three drivers, one steering wheel, that's asking for trouble.

Oh, no, no, no, no, leave it.

Sit down, you silly cow! Oh, too late, she's jumped.

Well, somebody did.

-Crazy broad jumped out!

-I'm afraid that was your unconscious female.

No it wasn't, KITT, you're talking out of your tailpipe.

That's her stunt double in an ill-fitting blonde wig.

She's less lookalike and more look nothing like.

A clip from classic Dr Who episode Genesis Of The Daleks,

and keep your eyes on the Dalek chatting with Davros

and the light bulb flashing on his head.

That's how deaf people know that a Dalek is talking, by the way, it's a courtesy thing.

Hold on a sec, his light's gone out.

Maybe he forgot to pay the Da-lecky bill.

But then, between takes, while Davros practises his shouting...

You will obey me!

..there's a chance to unscrew the bulb and pop a new one in.

We are the superior beings.

On with the serious business of mass extermination and sink plunging.

Exterminate!

The Doctor again, and this is what I call thrilling stuff.

There again, I'm quite easily thrilled.

Oh, look, the Doctor is climbing up that giant television aerial,

trying to stop Maureen Lipman being transmitted.

You cannot stop the wire. Soon I shall become...

Then, as Dave's a-dangling from the pylon, his foot suddenly disappears.

Here it is, here it isn't.

Yes, the BBC's blue screen is no larger than a tea towel.

A thrilling FX scene from Blake's 7,

the doddery senile granddad of the TV sci-fi family.

Once again, the audience at home are on the edge of their seats, getting up to leave the room.

But gasp as the bad guy is sucked into space.

Although, he's not so much being sucked as dangled by that highly visible safety harness.

Wheeee!

TV shows are a huge investment of time, money and effort,

but you can spend months and months getting something right,

hiring the very best actors, camera persons, writers and crew,

only to have the whole thing ruined by some extra in the background being a tit.

These people are a menace, wandering in and out of the back of every shot,

trying to be ordinary members of the public, who are the only things worse than extras.

Nothing causes more trouble on set than members of the public.

I hate them all. Apart from you, obviously.

Some classic muscle Mary slow mo running now from legendary

beachfront twaddle merchants Baywatch.

See their toned torsos as they pound along the sand,

see their hair blown by the gentle Pacific breeze,

see the kid in the background pulling a moonie.

That's worth a second look.

Everyone's a critic.

You don't even have to. I'm sure you were pretty freaked out.

Totally.

See this woman with the tartan top?

Now remember her, cos this lady is about to take the art

of the attention-seeking TV extra to a whole new dimension.

This is Buffy's high school, of course, and she is presumably the most mature student.

I...think you're the coolest.

There she is again, drawing attention to herself with that big red bag.

Now, spin on. And there she is again, walking in the opposite direction.

No, she's not. She's over there, walking up some stairs,

drawing attention to herself just like those extras aren't supposed to.

Back for more stair climbing, this time without the bag. Clever.

Still going up the stairs.

Mind you, at least we know where she is. No we don't.

Buffy, now she's behind you.

"Right, I've had enough of this," said the director, "Get that woman out of my sight.

"Nobody lets her back on this set."

Whoa, how did that happen?

Crafty cow, she's taken off her horrible tartan jacket and given the red bag to someone else.

Damn you, nightmare tartan extra lady!

Still, the jacket's gone, the bag's gone, and, finally, so is she.

Or not.

Sex And The City, a show about four single young women.

Well, three young women and the one who plays Samantha.

But let's rewind and look at those two extras on the left of picture sitting side by side.

Now, spin on and clearly one of them has dropped a massive guff

because next time we see them, they're sitting miles away from each other in separate rows.

Poor Sam. Must have been a pretty serious guff. Someone open a window!

The X-Files, and Scully has a mysterious dead body to investigate.

In this case, the mystery is why they chose the most fidgety man in North America to play the corpse.

See how the faintest prod from Scully makes the big wuss blink.

Not so much dead man's body, more big girl's blouse.

But just in case anyone missed that, moments later,

he leaves everyone at home in no doubt that this is just acting as Scully unwisely decides to

balance this heavy plastic ruler on his tummy-wummy. "Ow, it's cold!"

We've got a breather!

I love Lost. It's top-notch

allegorical surrealist drama with a satirical subtext.

Plus, it's got that funny fat bloke with a beard in it.

Yeah, he's got boobs like a lady.

In fact, the only problem with this show is that it makes no sense.

That, and their decision to use an extra with chronic asthma

to play a corpse and then put him in the front of shot.

Just look at this.

ROBERT BREATHES HEAVILY

Mind you, that fat bloke's funny. Oh, dear...

I mean, dogs can find pot and bombs so...

Time for more weird goings on in Lost, and look out for the lovely

couple walking past in the background. There they go.

Probably off to catch some fish.

Wish they'd walk past again. Oh, lovely.

That's the trouble with being marooned on a desert island, nothing to do but walk round in circles.

Thanks to all our contributors for being so sloppy.

It's a good job it's telly and nothing more important

like a paper round, otherwise you'd have been fired. Bye-bye!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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