Gwlad Beirdd: Dilys Cadwaladr Gwlad Beirdd

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-If Hebog is present,

-we ask him to be upstanding.

-Hebog!

-There's a commotion

-at the far end, on the left.

-Oh! She's a lady.

-A woman! Yes, indeed, a woman.

-For the first time ever,

-a woman will wear the Crown.

-The excited commentator...

-..shows the importance

-of Dilys Cadwaladr's success...

-..at the Rhyl National Eisteddfod

-in 1953.

-She was the first woman

-to win the Crown.

-But beyond that prize, her work

-has been given little attention.

-She was a relatively prolific poet.

-The story of her life

-has also been rather overlooked.

-Yet, how many poets...

-..have their portraits

-hanging on a pub sign?

-Come to wander

-the lands of the dawn

-And our green years

-Her success in life

-was counterbalanced by frustration.

-In reading her work, one senses

-a personality split into two.

-She's a poet and a housewife

-living under the same roof.

-She can't decide which one

-is the real Dilys Cadwaladr.

-The housewife likes the poet.

-But the poet bemoans the housewife.

-In her words, she complains

-about "being perpetually on the go."

-Her conscience nags her

-to be always "mending and tidying.

-"Busy fingers

-that steal each precious second."

-When you consider her words,

-you can appreciate her dilemma.

-London attracted her,

-but so did Bardsey Island.

-The poet had to do the housework.

-Tensions arose in choosing between

-unconventional romance and marriage.

-You see these tensions

-permeating her poems.

-It's always the same confusion,

-and it's evident in Y Gwcw.

-That was the title of the poem.

-What lies at its heart

-is her own inner turmoil.

-It's a poem about the choice

-facing a traveller.

-You can turn right or turn left.

-The choice is open to each of us.

-She talks of turning right,

-with a sensible and orderly mind.

-Then she mentions turning left

-and how things are so different.

-Dilys took several left turns.

-"Is this to be my fate

-Each day between eight and nine?

-"Be it June, a sky blue day

-"Or February, rainy and grey

-"I go towards the crossroads

-"And there I shall turn right

-"My hair is neat and tidy

-"And my mind is quite alright.

-"Or will a morn arrive perhaps

-"When comes a mild madness

-"Like youth's carefree thrill,

-to meet me on a hill?

-"I approach the crossroads,

-and ponder.

-"I take the turning left

-"My hair a priceless tangle

-"And my step splashing the dew.

-"Be my love messenger, cuckoo

-"To the gods of my future.

-"Take my request before them

-"One very blessed day

-"Be it June, a sky blue day

-"Or February, rainy and grey

-"And I'll approach the crossroads

-"Sometime between eight and nine."

-What came after the left turn?

-There would be freedom, of course.

-But because of her nature,

-because of her upbringing...

-..because of her background,

-she couldn't enjoy it fully.

-She couldn't relax in that freedom.

-Dilys was brought up

-in a comfortable environment.

-Her school friends

-remember her as a pretty girl.

-She wore clothes of quality.

-She had a bike before others did.

-She went on her holidays

-to her grandmother's in Cricieth.

-When she was eleven, the death

-of her mother was a turning point.

-She recalls her mother's illness

-in the following words.

-"The noise of the cruel cough

-was a nightmare to me as a child.

-"I called out to her from my bed

-to ask if she was still alive."

-When her father died,

-many years later...

-..she wrote a poem

-which suggested...

-..that she was still grieving

-for her mother.

-"This is his sweetest ever journey

-"He puts his best foot forward.

-"Don't stop him. Dad wants to go.

-He's on his way home to Mam."

-From a very young age,

-she reveals her wish to write poems.

-The young girl is an avid reader

-of works in Welsh and in English.

-At the age of 16,

-she arrives at Bangor University.

-She was quite happy

-as a student in Bangor.

-She made lifelong friends

-at college.

-I think that having a good time

-at college was the priority.

-In the final year,

-it overshadowed their work.

-She preferred to escape

-to Glyn Ogwen woods.

-She would write here,

-rather than attend lectures.

-Creativity, she said,

-was "heavenly".

-After qualifying as a teacher,

-she went to teach in Nant Gwynant.

-She said

-that she was "blissfully happy".

-But she didn't stay there long.

-London was calling.

-Her next move was to leave Wales.

-She went to the big city,

-which she described in this way.

-"A city full of after-dark horrors."

-Was this perhaps

-her way of venturing...

-..to turn left at the crossroads?

-I can understand fully

-Dilys's desire to go to London.

-It's the type of thing

-she would have wanted to do.

-There was an urge to be

-a part of a different kind of life.

-It would have been a strange thing

-had Dilys not gone to London.

-For some, the adventure

-might lead to a creative awakening.

-Unfortunately, for Dilys Cadwaladr,

-it had quite the opposite effect.

-She was bored with all company,

-and nothing excited her.

-What kept her as a living spirit

-had all but been extinguished.

-But one Saturday afternoon...

-..she heard a story

-that would change everything.

-In the Welsh section

-at Foyles bookshop...

-..she heard of a Pembrokeshire poet

-who roamed the streets of London.

-He would sleep on the Embankment.

-She made a decision there and then.

-This was to be her mission.

-She would find and care for him.

-She says...

-.."I knew suddenly that I was

-no longer the same person."

-In one of her

-Taith Yr Anialwch essays...

-..she describes so vividly

-her first sight of Dewi Emrys.

-It's about her reaction to the man,

-his voice and his personality.

-Clearly, something happened

-during those moments.

-Going to London,

-meeting Dewi, their relationship.

-Each one signified a small turn

-to the left, one after the other.

-Although they met in London,

-the romance blossomed in Wales.

-She refers to this Pontneddfechan

-beauty spot as "The Cathedral".

-She recalls one visit here

-with Dewi Emrys.

-Emrys, as she called him...

-..insisted that she should cross

-behind the waterfall's veil.

-He'd then beseech the Celtic gods

-to turn her into a water goblin!

-No wonder, years later,

-she wrote these words.

-"That romantic place

-has remained a haven of dreams...

-"..in my imagination, to this day.

-"A moment of heaven

-within weary hours

-"And a flood of glory

-fills the valley

-"The aromas of paradise

-flow through my head

-"And the hands of angels

-tear through the veil

-"A flash of intimacy

-"Your clear face to hand

-"Then silence,

-as night falls on the land."

-At the Llanelli National Eisteddfod

-in 1930...

-..Dilys Cadwaladr faced

-the biggest crisis of her life.

-Dewi Emrys had just won the Chair.

-Dilys had come to tell him

-that she was pregnant.

-A decision needed to be made

-about the way forward.

-The two lovers

-have reached a crossroads.

-Here is her description

-of the roads, years later.

-"One was even and free of obstacles,

-the other dangerous and winding."

-Dilys wrote a poem

-that reflected her predicament.

-We associate the poem with freedom.

-It's also about confinement

-and danger.

-It's about the quest for freedom,

-and the results of securing freedom.

-It's about all those things.

-Maybe she saw herself

-as the rabbit trapped in a net.

-It was certainly so at one point.

-By her own admission later,

-she didn't know where to turn.

-"A little rabbit

-on a delightful wander

-"With the urge

-of a new freedom in her leap

-"Hers was a world

-with no doors nor limits

-"Sweet was her speed

-over crooked slopes.

-"A man came to the slope

-with a deceptive tread.

-"The huntsman's hunger

-was in his hot eyes

-"The wilderness force

-rushed to their eternal holes

-"But she was in a quandary

-on an isolated bank

-"The dreams

-of winding pathways disappeared

-"The memory of captivity

-froze passion

-"The fainting of fear

-entered luxurious eyes

-"And nothing moved under the net."

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-There came sad hours

-The ebb tide came.

-Undeniably, her relationship

-with Dewi Emrys...

-..had a huge impact

-on the life of Dilys Cadwaladr.

-The search for him, the meeting,

-the friendship, the separation.

-They lived together,

-but separated again.

-She revisits the tale

-of this journey countless times.

-Years later,

-she writes a letter to a friend.

-She illustrates literally

-the pattern of this journey.

-In sketch form, she shows

-the couple coming together...

-..after a period in the wasteland.

-Then, by 1945, the paths diverge.

-They each turn for home.

-She asks if both paths

-lead to the same home.

-She herself replies

-in the affirmative.

-She explains

-that home in this world...

-..is not the same

-as one's eventual home.

-What a clear echo of Dewi Emrys.

-These were his words to her.

-"I don't blame you,

-nor will I try to persuade you.

-"Choose your path

-"But when tiredness

-wearies your step

-"Come back to the old paths."

-It was in a London bookshop...

-..that Dilys Cadwaladr

-first heard about Dewi Emrys.

-But it's in another bookshop,

-this time in Cricieth...

-..that she meets

-a new friend and partner.

-She was to describe him later

-as "a solid tower after insecurity."

-I believe that she and Leo

-had a very special bond.

-He was a character.

-A strong personality

-who had witnessed much suffering.

-There was a tremendous amount

-of mutual understanding, certainly.

-It was a pivotal point in her life.

-There's no question of one thing.

-Dilys was a firm believer in fate.

-She responded to it instinctively.

-She says that she had a dream,

-years previously.

-It was about Shon, her son.

-At long last, he came.

-With him came a new family

-to Tynygroes.

-It was near Nant Bwlch yr Heyrn

-and Llyn Geirionydd.

-Shon, Leo and Dilys...

-..Lotty the goat,

-and Piggy the corgi.

-I think that, and indeed

-by her own admission...

-..she had been adrift

-for much of her life...

-..until she met my father.

-They settled first on Bardsey,

-although she found it hard there.

-There was a calmness and beauty

-surrounding this place.

-It suited her down to the ground.

-She was very happy

-and settled here, definitely.

-Dilys's happiness was sporadic.

-She experienced

-intense moments, certainly.

-But it was in Nant Gwynant

-and in Nant Bwlch yr Heyrn...

-..that she enjoyed

-her happiest times.

-She used to roam the hills

-with her dog and her goat.

-That was her favourite pastime.

-A note of contentment

-is found in her writing.

-She publishes

-a volume of short stories.

-A novel of hers

-wins at the National Eisteddfod.

-But despite her literary prominence,

-she has no sense of belonging.

-Despite being a mother once more,

-she still longs for her own mother.

-"I am a son of the sturdy

-"Of the race of the jagged rocks

-"Men who not once conceded any sin

-"Heroes who bowed only to heaven

-"Men with little mortal weakness.

-"An ancestor of mine

-was his religion's first martyr

-"My great grandfather

-was a hero of his time

-"As for my grandfather

-"I well know

-that only the chill wind of death

-"Could extinguish

-his faith's flame.

-"My father all his life

-fought for principles

-"He trod the narrow path

-without stumbling

-"I heard his prayer a hundred times

-"But I never saw

-a tear of regret on his cheek.

-"I am a son of the sturdy

-"But the unflinching ages

-could not mould a hero out of me

-"Only a mother

-can forgive me for my sins

-"She is not one of the sturdy race."

-She once said that she wasn't

-overly fond of the sea.

-But it was to a seaside town

-that Dilys Cadwaladr came...

-..to be crowned,

-at the Rhyl National Eisteddfod.

-The subject for the 1953 Crown poem

-was Y Llen - the curtain.

-Hebog was called to stand.

-Dilys Cadwaladr answered the call.

-The first woman ever

-to win the Eisteddfod Crown.

-Dilys Cadwaladr.

-I was a five-year-old boy.

-I recall the bard

-being asked to stand.

-Mam stood up on her feet.

-A man told her to sit down,

-"They're looking for a man."

-I remember that.

-"I persecuted a mystery

-beyond the rainbow

-"In the gloom of my cell I hid

-"But I turned

-when the imagination

-"Of what they

-call the muse of love ceased.

-"I went back

-to handling vegetables.

-"But I know by rummaging

-through lineage and ancestry

-"That the depth of pain

-is the depth of creation".

-Pain is mentioned often in the poem.

-Dewi Emrys

-had died the year before.

-It's hard not to detect

-a longing for him in certain lines.

-"I remembered Dafydd

-and the warmth of his religion.

-"The old religion

-of the vale and the river.

-"There is neither a dream

-nor a free imagination.

-"If only I could remove

-the curtain drawn before my eyes

-"The curtain

-trembling by the hand of peace

-"Trembling as it illuminates

-"Just as a sickbed lightens

-at death's retreat."

-At that time, she being

-the first female winner...

-..I believe it may not have been

-very well received...

-..that she had prevailed

-over the male poets.

-In my view,

-she was an exceptionally good poet.

-I think it's because

-she was so exceptionally good...

-..that she was able to overcome

-the problems that arose.

-She revealed

-her innermost feelings to people.

-Once they grasped

-the importance of her themes...

-..she was alright.

-She had something to say...

-..because she was

-a strong personality.

-She's worth reading,

-that's for sure.

-She had a happy time here

-amid the beauty of Llyn Geirionydd.

-She did, and when her son Shon

-returned here to live...

-..it's little wonder

-that she wrote an englyn for him.

-He's urged to live freely,

-as she would have liked to live.

-"Allow the mist at night

-"To fondle you in your cosy cottage

-"Come, it's better you stay

-"To live freely in a heath's haven."

-S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.

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