Ocsiwniar Lisa: Y Dyn ei Hun

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-I'm Lisa Angharad.

-During this series, I'll experience

-mainly male-dominated worlds.

-This week,

-I'm trying to be an auctioneer.

-I'm used to the stage

-and comfortable around farmers...

-..but how will I deal

-with a combination of the two?

-I'll be meeting

-some experienced old heads...

-..who'll offer me some tips.

-I'll also see the world

-through the buyer's eyes.

-My journey begins in London, where,

-inexplicably, men run away from me.

-I'm attending

-one of Christie's auctions...

-..where lots have sold for 80m.

-Peanuts to you and me.

-They're selling jewellery today.

-Over the phone and the Internet.

-I'll be selling a cow

-in Gaerwen Mart.

-A cow!

-I imagine it'll be noisier there

-and significantly less stylish.

-I'm not quite sure what's going on.

-Yes, you heard me,

-I'm selling a cow.

-I'm off to talk to two brothers...

-..who know everything

-about selling in a mart.

-# It's mart day

-and everywhere's open

-# Walking down the street,

-I can hardly see my feet

-# It's mart day

-and it's hard to hear

-# The voices striking a deal,

-money changing hands

-# To the deafening sound

-of their shouts #

-With such sensible lyrics...

-..I was looking forward

-to hearing their advice on auctions.

-Hiya, boys. Here I am, with Brigyn.

-Since when have you been selling

-in marts?

-We sing in a band.

-What?

-Yes.

-What's up with her?

-What's up with her? Cheek!

-They wrote the song.

-After that misunderstanding...

-..it was time to discover

-what happens in an auction...

-..more akin to my budget.

-It's not Christie's but at least

-the men aren't running away from me.

-One man who's ready to talk

-is auctioneer Simon Bower.

-What's an auction?

-Tell me what's going on here.

-We're selling a mixture of items.

-We have antique and modern lots.

-If you spot something you like,

-grab a registration number...

-..bid in the auction

-and hopefully buy it.

-I've noticed this -

-I'd really like to have this.

-I'm just wondering

-how much it would fetch.

-Not much. That's why it's on a table

-with many other things.

-This doesn't even have a number.

-You'll find many things

-from house clearances here.

-You could have one good item

-in a group of not-so-good items.

-Buy the one good item

-and get rid of the rest.

-What's on offer today?

-What's on offer today?

-

-Not far off 850 lots.

-We'll begin at 10.00am

-and go through until 5.00pm.

-Is it similar to a mart

-with the speed of bidding?

-It's not quite as fast.

-I don't think I could handle

-the pace of the mart.

-I'm going to have a look around

-to see if anything takes my fancy.

-If I want to bid, I lift my number?

-Look out for me -

-I'm the one in the fur.

-I'm going to have a look now.

-I'll take this with me.

-I'm rather clueless...

-..but I know he'll make a hole

-in that bowl if he taps it anymore.

-What would you do

-with something like this?

-Each to his own.

-Simba. # Aaaah, saginia, gadabe #

-Look at the state of her -

-she's had a hard life.

-I didn't know you could bring

-broken items.

-I take it this hen

-comes with that hen.

-I'm bidding for the hen.

-3.00 bid, 2.00 bid...

-The auction starts

-and bidding is frantic.

-I'm really looking forward

-to the next lot.

-Lot 18/2, pottery hens on nests.

-5 I'm bid.

-5 bid, 5 bid,

-for the two hens, 5 bid.

-8 I'm bid.

-10. 10 bid.

-As clueless as Katie Price

-in a chemistry class...

-..but I'm still bidding, I think.

-18 bid. 20.

-At 20. Lady's bid. Lady's bid.

-20 - 79.

-Why did the chicken cross the road?

-To come home with me.

-No?

-Anyone? No? Oh.

-Right, I've just been

-to my first auction.

-It was exciting.

-I bought two hens.

-I'm happy with that.

-On TV, sometimes you have to

-recreate shots...

-..because they weren't

-quite right the first time.

-So off I went

-to film some false bids...

-..but either Simon

-or I got confused.

-I ended up buying this for a tenner.

-Watch out for these auctions,

-they're dangerous.

-Welshpool mart

-houses 1,200 cattle, 15,000 sheep...

-..and one thing is certain,

-there's a shed full of men here.

-500,000 sheep and 10,000 cattle

-are sold here annually.

-You won't find any horse meat

-in your burgers here.

-Me and my Ruby Woo lipstick

-stand out...

-..like Dai Jones in a salsa class.

-Dai was actually here

-and he agreed to talk to me.

-Hiya, Dai, how are you?

-Hiya, Dai, how are you?

-

-Very well.

-This is Europe's largest mart.

-Is that true?

-That's right, and the most modern.

-It's also the best.

-What do you think of the new mart?

-When I was little,

-I'd go to the mart in town.

-Were you little?

-Were you little?

-

-Yes, once!

-But I wasn't very small back then.

-It's like the Eisteddfod -

-when the place is packed...

-..and you're in the box,

-all the attention is on you.

-You wanted to be an auctioneer.

-When I was a schoolboy,

-I wanted to be an auctioneer...

-..but I diversified

-and I'm still working.

-If you become an auctioneer,

-phone me.

-I will.

-I will.

-

-You can sell my stock.

-I'm off now. Ta-ra.

-This site stands on 16 acres.

-It attracts farmers

-from all over Britain.

-I met one of them to find out

-why it was important to him.

-You've just sold these sheep.

-Why do farmers

-sell sheep in the mart?

-Some sell them

-straight to the abattoir...

-..but I prefer the mart.

-If you have good stock,

-you'll get the best price here.

-eBay is the in thing now.

-Why not sell them there?

-A lot of farmers

-aren't computer-savvy.

-It's difficult.

-The newspaper?

-Some do.

-They try and sell them

-through newspaper advertisements.

-This is the end of the road for

-these. I always bring mine here.

-It's a good mart?

-It's a good mart?

-

-One of the biggest in Britain.

-You'll find plenty of buyers here.

-You can hardly see the other end.

-I can hear someone selling...

-..and it makes me nervous

-just listening to them.

-I'll be selling stock for someone

-who's looked after it for a while.

-God help me.

-I needed a strong shot to settle my

-nerves and I hid it in a coffee cup.

-How can I sell someone else's cow?

-I needed to speak to an expert,

-and a real one this time, Brigyn!

-I'm here with Glandon. I'm told

-you're Wales' best auctioneer.

-Is that true? Dear me!

-What a compliment. Thank you.

-You don't have to believe

-everything you hear.

-Do some people lie?

-Do some people lie?

-

-Yes indeed.

-In a few days' time,

-I'll be selling.

-I have to do what you do.

-It's simple. You're an actress,

-you'll be well away.

-You're halfway there already.

-If you're an actress

-with plenty of energy, it's easy.

-You don't learn how to be

-an auctioneer through a textbook.

-You just need confidence to stand in

-front of people and take the job on.

-When you say... eeee, hoi, hoi, hai

-..what are you saying?

-We've already seen the animals

-in the pens during the morning.

-You assess them

-as they come into the ring.

-You think it'll fetch 240.

-You ask 240, 250.

-You come down to 225, 220,

-and away you go.

-22, 24, 26, 28, 230.

-You say 24 countless times.

-24, 24, 24, 24... Do it now.

-224, 224, 224...

-You're quicker than that.

-30, 22, 28,

-gonna bid 30, gonna bid 30.

-So, can I bid 30?

-You're doing the job very well.

-I'm afraid I'll get the sack

-I'll get sacked soon.

-Things are looking up.

-I've seen the auctioneer.

-I've met the buyer. Dai Jones

-and Glandon have given me tips.

-Apart from finding a pink one-piece,

-like that little girl...

-..there's little to do apart from

-playing hide-and-seek with sheep.

-They're good at this game.

-They must've done this before.

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-Subtitles

-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-Welcome back.

-In two days' time, I'll be selling

-a cow to Anglesey farmers.

-Glandon and Pup are helping me.

-We're selling this.

-We're in Crufts.

-Hello, Toots. Lovely.

-I'm on my stadium...

-I'm on my stadium...

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-Holding the dog.

-Like the Lion King?

-You should make around 200.

-You could start

-with a bid for 250.

-What are they most likely to do -

-raise a hand?

-Some will raise a hand.

-Others will wink.

-Wink?

-Wink?

-

-They're not chatting you up!

-They're buying the dog, not you.

-OK.

-I'd do this.

-That's not very clear, Glandon.

-I don't want anyone to see

-I'm bidding. It's secretive.

-Sometimes, when you catch someone's

-eye, they'll just look at you.

-They won't look away.

-When he stops bidding,

-he looks away.

-You then go on to the next bidder.

-Ready for my show?

-Ready for my show?

-

-I'm ready for the show.

-A couple of hundred pounds. Lovely

-pup. Good, nice, firm buttocks.

-Who'll give me 250?

-I'm not offering 250 -

-it's too expensive.

-100.

-100 I'm bid. 120, 120.

-120, 140? 160.

-160 I'm bid.

-180, 180, 180, 200.

-220, 240, 240, 260.

-280, 80, 80.

-300 I'm bid.

-320, 320. Come on, he's lovely.

-340.

-340.

-

-Deal.

-You didn't have a gavel.

-You didn't have a gavel.

-

-I'd forgotten it.

-8.00am. Morgan Evans mart.

-Gaerwen or Gaerwon!

-It's practically deserted.

-I thought there was a show here.

-I bet the men

-are in a warm room somewhere.

-Morgan Evans is a large company

-that covers Anglesey and Gwynedd.

-Simon's looking after me today.

-Good morning, Simon.

-Thanks for the invite.

-I've had some training

-but what will I be doing today?

-The livestock will arrive and we'll

-match them up with the paperwork.

-We send the paperwork to the office.

-We then prepare the paperwork

-for the auction.

-When the auction starts,

-listen carefully.

-If you feel confident, you can

-have a go at selling an animal.

-OK.

-Before selling,

-I get to know the stock...

-..and flirt madly

-with the farmers...

-..in the hope

-of selling one of their cows.

-Geraint's helping me find

-that unlucky farmer.

-This is where everything happens.

-We'll start our assessment

-in about ten minutes' time.

-Let's go around

-to meet some of the famers.

-You have to learn how to sell them

-and how to identify the breeds.

-These are all yours, yes?

-Which breed are they?

-Lim cross, Belgians...

-Lim cross, Belgians?

-Which breed is it?

-Which breed is it?

-

-British Blue cross.

-Which breed is this little one?

-What's its name?

-What's its name?

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-Black Beast.

-Black Beast?

-There's something sexy...

-..about a man with a wild animal

-in a confined space.

-What's wrong with you?

-Elfed, you're smarter than John.

-John?

-What's this - cow snot?

-What's this - cow snot?

-

-Yes.

-On you go. Oh, crikey!

-It's important to look smart.

-You look like a Cossack!

-What's that - a cow?

-This.

-This.

-

-It keeps my ears warm.

-I'll take this. You wear that.

-How do I look now?

-Better?

-There's no top on it!

-There's no top in it!

-I can't afford the top.

-After wrestling John

-to get my fluff back...

-..it was time to visit the circle

-which exhibited the best stock.

-Arwyn Morgan was on hand

-to help me out.

-Poke a little here and a slap there.

-That's it, is it?

-I'm squeezing here...

-I'm squeezing here...

-

-To make sure it's nice and firm.

-Nice and firm and not too much fat.

-Lift its tail up

-and look at the broad picture.

-Nice and curvy.

-From its tail, you want a good shape

-down to the second thigh.

-The standard is very high,

-fair play.

-The new judge

-has started in this class.

-She's practising now.

-By next year, I hope she's here

-next year to judge on her own.

-I'll find her a place to stay!

-With this man!

-Are they talking about me?

-What have you been saying?

-Oop! Yes, I did, I did tell him.

-She said this one would win.

-Why did you choose this one?

-Why did you choose this one?

-

-Quite fluffy, nice backside.

-Perfect. That's what you want.

-It's like looking for a wife.

-Fluffy with a nice backside.

-I really fancied Arwyn

-but I had work to do.

-We need to match the passports

-to the animal.

-It's important to match the passport

-with the number on the ear.

-UK number, herd number

-and match the individual number too.

-William Hughes is the owner.

-We need to ask him

-if he's farm assured.

-Are you farm assured? Honest?

-My number's on his computer.

-This one's 906.

-72 on its back.

-Whoo-hoo!

-Whoo-hoo!

-

-Don't put your hand there.

-7375.

-I understood

-about 3% of what he said.

-1904. 703042 there.

-76 on its back.

-I'm not quite sure what's going on.

-I'm not quite sure what's going on.

-

-Take those to the office.

-Give them to Maldwyn.

-Maldwyn, there you go.

-Champion.

-This is 100.

-Sorry, love - which way?

-That's it.

-101.

-Can I rub it here? Sorry, love.

-Crikey. Stand still, good girl.

-More glue.

-More glue.

-

-There's not a lot left.

-Are you paying for it?

-I've dropped the thing. Oh, my gosh.

-Oh, my gosh.

-She dropped it in the dirt.

-Simon's angry.

-Good, that's how I like them.

-OK, I'm here,

-on the rostrum, with Simon.

-What happens here?

-The auction starts

-in about 20 minutes.

-First up is the champion,

-the reserve champion...

-..the first prize winners

-and the second prize winners.

-I've chosen a heifer, No.5,

-belonging to John...

-..for you to sell at the end

-of the show cattle auction.

-John with the snot here?

-John with the snot here?

-

-Wearing your hat.

-Does John know about this?

-Does John know about this?

-

-Yes. He's over the moon.

-The pressure's on.

-He wants a good price for it.

-He won't sell

-unless he gets a good price.

-He can say, "No, I'm not selling."

-He owns that animal

-until this gavel goes down.

-These farmers won't give a damn

-that we're recording a TV programme.

-They're going to say,

-"Who the hell is this?

-"What's she doing here?

-"Why is she wearing

-that stupid thing on her head?

-"Why is she wearing lipstick?

-Why are her pants shiny?

-"Why isn't she getting

-a better price for this cow?"

-So, yes, I am nervous.

-To them, it's not a joke.

-"Can I buy little John a bike

-or can I only afford crayons?"

-I'm right.

-If I sell a cow for 50

-when it's worth 2,500...

-..it's not going to be funny.

-I feel horrendously nervous.

-I don't understand what he's saying,

-I can't see the bidders.

-I don't know if he's talking

-Welsh or English.

-I don't understand a word.

-How the hell am I going to do this?

-That sold for 236.

-Is that a good price?

-Are you expecting something similar?

-More.

-No pressure.

-No pressure.

-

-Pressure.

-If things go wrong, what do I do?

-If things go wrong, what do I do?

-

-It'll sell with you up there.

-Guaranteed.

-Everything Glandon taught me

-is no use to me now.

-I'm just about to do it.

-There's a change now.

-A guest auctioneer.

-I'm going to ask

-Lisa Angharad to come on board...

-..and see if she wants to be

-an auctioneer.

-Hello, good afternoon.

-Please be kind and please,

-can I ask you really nicely...

-..to make the bids obvious.

-I can only see this man,

-I can't see the others.

-Well done you.

-I can't see any of you.

-Very big gestures.

-OK? Otherwise, it's him.

-He's going home with it for 50p.

-We'll start on 240.

-Who'll give me 240?

-Thank you. You.

-24...

-24...

-

-240.

-He's given me 240.

-242. 244.

-244. 246. 246.

-248.

-248. 247.

-48. Yes.

-248. What's after 248? 249. 249.

-No laughing, please.

-249. 250.

-Come on, I'll take you

-on a night out. Come on! 251. 252.

-Man in the cap,

-you'll give me 252. 252.

-You're ready for it. 252.

-Sold.

-John, thank you very much. Without

-you, I wouldn't have had the chance.

-No regrets.

-No, it was a good price.

-You beat the other one. 236.

-My starting price

-was better than the other one.

-You'll have a good Christmas.

-A fatter turkey.

-And a new coat!

-That's it.

-I've done it. I'm glad John

-was happy with the price.

-Little John will have his bike

-after all.

-I've had new and different

-experiences but I enjoyed them.

-I showed the men

-that women can sell too.

-Fluffy and a nice backside.

-I'm here with the gang.

-How did I do, Simon?

-Well done, superb.

-A good price, a happy seller.

-You're welcome back here anytime.

-Happy auctioneer, happy buyer,

-they're all happy.

-Men are easily pleased!

-S4C subtitles by Adnod Cyf.

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