Maltsters v Oscar Men Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect and, Donald,

if you're watching, they're in the airing cupboard, that's where.

Returning tonight are two of our

highest-scoring, second-place finishing teams

and they are, on my right, Dan Jones,

a crown prosecutor with a degree in law who was expelled from

a road safety club for rolling up a plastic zebra crossing.

Raymond Baggaley, a train enthusiast who celebrated his 21st birthday

by sitting an eight-hour exam and is celebrating his 59th birthday today.

And their captain, Pete Mitchell,

a philosophy and computer science graduate who

has crossed the Gulf of Bothnia more than 100 times playing Irish music

to Swedes on a Viking Line ferry.

United by a weakness for whisky, they are the Maltsters.

Now, you lost your opening heat to the Policy Wonks,

but you're back via our new competition rules.

Have you been enjoying your time in Cardiff?

We've been taking in the cultural highlights,

-the National Museum of Wales and several interesting pubs.

-Excellent.

-There are many interesting pubs.

-Indeed there are.

Sadly, I never seem to get beyond the first one.

You are facing, tonight, on my left, Howard Freedman,

a taxi driver who has driven Ken Livingstone and Boris Johnson

in the back of his cab, but not at the same time.

Adrian Knott, an English graduate and former heliport cleaner who

gave Frankie Vaughan free admission to his local cinema.

And their captain, Michael Slowey, a data analyst who was run over

by a slow-moving car on the way home from his graduation ceremony.

United by a fascination with films, they are the Oscar Men.

And you lost your heat to the Part-Time Poets.

Have you practised for tonight's game?

Yeah, we've been Tipp-Exing vowels out of any piece of

literature we could get a hold of.

Excellent. Well, let's see how you fare against your new opponents.

They won the toss.

Maltsters, you will be going first,

so please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Water, please.

-Water.

What is the connection between these apparently random clues?

Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER

Next one, please.

Oh, they're, erm, they're, erm...

-Thomas The Tank Engine.

-It's the colours, isn't it?

-Shall we take another?

-OK, let's.

-Next one, please.

I think that's what we'll have to go for,

-unless you've got something else.

-Nothing else.

BELL

Are they characters in the Thomas The Tank Engine stories?

They are not, although it's a nice guess.

I'm going to show the fourth clue to the Oscar Men

for a possible bonus point.

Could these be code for types of cable of some sort?

-Electricity cable?

-I mean, I must say, for an all-male line-up,

you should be ashamed of yourselves! These are vacuum cleaners!

LAUGHTER Not one of you,

not one of you getting the old Hoover out on the stairs, no?

They're all actually sorts of Henry Hoover.

Other types of vacuum cleaner are available...they tell me.

I don't do it either, to be honest.

I like to let the dust build up and up and up and then,

every few months, just get a new carpet!

That's the best thing.

So, no points there, but, Oscar Men,

you may choose a question.

-Can we go for Eye of Horus, please?

-I don't see why not.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Right, Evolution: Selenium sulphide. Oh, OK, I think I know this one.

Right, selenium sulphide was used to kill the monster in the film

Evolution with Fox Mulder, what's he called...

So I think these are probably things that have killed monsters in

a particular film. Do you want me to go for it?

Do you want to go for the next one or do you want

me to take it on that one?

I think that's most likely going to be

-the thing that killed the monster.

-OK, let's...

-Shall we go for it?

-BELL

All right, we're going to take a punt on this one.

Given that in Evolution, selenium sulphide was from the

Head & Shoulders bottles used to kill the beast,

we think these are the film and the particular method of

dispatching that beast or enemy in the film.

Coming in after one clue, you get five points! Very well done.

What an excellent gamble.

They are the things that kill off the threat in these films,

-and what sort of monsters are they that are being killed?

-Mm...

Selenium sulphide, the one in Evolution is just basically

a big, blobby monster, I think.

-Signs is horrible big walker...

-Aliens, basically.

-Yeah, aliens.

Aliens is what they are, although I'm enjoying your impression

a great deal, there, Michael! Really bringing it alive.

Evolution, you're right,

the bottles of dandruff shampoo are killing those aliens.

What about the other ones? What are the deaths?

Erm, in Signs, the little girl leaves water all over the place

and her uncle slams the baseball bat into them to kill them.

What about The Faculty, what's that?

Oh, well, Adi, you know that one better.

It's some sort of drug they're using, the kids at school,

and they find out that it dehydrates them,

and so they stab them with it and that's how it kills them off.

That's right, that's a teen one, a sort of teen horror film,

and then Mars Attacks!, that's a sci-fi comedy,

and when they hear the Slim Whitman song Indian Love Call,

the Martians' heads explode, so manners of grisly deaths in films.

Very well gambled after one clue.

-Maltsters, what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds. OK.

Well, it's the music question.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

VOCAL SOLO

-It's The Great Gig In The Sky, I'm pretty sure.

-Take the next one?

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

# I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs... #

That's REM. I can't think what the song is, though. Can you?

# Over my shoulder, a piano falls

# Crashing to the ground... #

We'll take the next one, please.

# Just laughing and gay like a clown... #

It's The Great Pretender. It's all "the great" something.

BELL

-They're all "the great" something.

-Yes, they are.

You're going to get two points for coming in after three clues.

-What did we hear?

-The first one was The Great Gig In The Sky.

-That's right.

-Pink Floyd.

-The second was REM.

Was REM, but not sure on the title.

-The third one was The Great Pretender.

-That's right.

And The Great Beyond was the second clue,

that was used in the biopic Man On The Moon.

REM did the music for that, The Great Beyond,

and you didn't need to hear The Great Escape 2000,

which is a sort of football fan reworking of the theme from

The Great Escape, but, thankfully, we were spared a blast of that.

-So well done. Oscar Men, what would you like next?

-Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-Right, mother-in-law. Shall we go for next?

-Yeah.

OK, let's go for the next one, please.

Court-martial. Right, I think this is a words thing, isn't it?

Is it plurals? It's "mothers-in-law, courts-martial..."

-Go for the third one, shall we?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

-Lord-lieutenant, lords-lieutenant.

-Yeah.

So the actual letter S would be after the first word

-rather than the last one.

-Yeah.

-Shall we go for that?

BELL

Erm, the plurals for all of these appear after the first letter...

the first word of the compounded word, rather than the actual last,

so it would be "mothers-in-law" rather than "mother-in-laws",

"courts-martial" rather than "court-martials",

or "lords-lieutenant" rather than "lord-lieutenants".

That's absolutely right.

You didn't need to see "poet laureate" in the last space.

This is where you add the S after the first word,

rather than at the end.

This is one of those ones where you can actually do it either way,

I think, but we like to put this question out there.

Just to remind people, the elegant way

is to have the S after the first word.

Well done, Oscar Men. Back to you, Maltsters, for a choice.

-Er, Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER

Next one, please.

Next, please.

Next, please.

Three seconds.

BELL

-Major and minor.

-They all come in major and minor variants.

That's absolutely right.

Which are the major suits in bridge and which are the minor?

-Erm... I've no idea.

-It's spades and hearts are the two majors, are they?

That's absolutely right, yes, and diamonds and clubs are the minors,

and you get major and minor professional baseball leagues,

musical keys, of course, and the Great and Little Bear,

major and minor Ursa constellations. Well done.

One question remains for you, Oscar Men. It is the Lion.

I expect they're going to be picture clues

cos we haven't had those yet. First one coming up now.

Right, that's Jet from... What do you call it, isn't it?

I think it's Jet. Is it Jet? Gladiators?

Next, please.

-I don't know where that is. Oh, that's a difficult one.

-Erm...

-I don't know.

-Next.

-Next, please.

x + y, so, erm...

Anything? It looks like we've got Gladiator...

-Is it Jet? Do you know if it's Jet?

-I don't know if it is, no.

-x + y, Howard, on the maths front?

-It doesn't really...

-Doesn't ring a bell?

-Next one.

-Next, please.

-Shell.

-Two seconds.

BELL

Erm...

I think we could probably go with petrol oil companies,

so, I mean, we think the first one's Jet,

the last one is obviously Shell.

I know those are two major oil, petrol companies,

-so we'll go with that.

-They are all petrol stations.

It is Jet from the gladiators, Shell at the end,

-Gulf is the second one...

-Ah!

..and Total. I mean, I think when you say "On the mathematical front",

I think x + y is not an equation that many mathematicians

could solve with only that information available, but just

in itself would be a total, so they are all names of petrol stations.

Well done.

That means at the end of round one,

the Maltsters have three points, the Oscar Men have eight.

It's the Sequences round. What comes fourth in a sequence.

Maltsters, you'll be going first again.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Lion, please.

-OK. You'll be seeing the first in a series.

What might come fourth? Time starts now.

THEY WHISPER

Take the next one? Next, please.

E3...

THEY WHISPER

Postcodes?

Next, please.

S6.

They're points of the compass rather than postcodes.

Three seconds.

W4.

And why would that be?

We're thinking compass points due north, due east, due south,

due west as London postcodes.

Oh, I see. Yes, unfortunately for you,

that doesn't work as a sequence.

Oscar Men, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

Yeah, we think it's to do with points on the compass and the clock

as well, so west would be in the same position that nine

-would be on a clock.

-So the answer would be...?

-W9.

W9 would be the answer. That's what it is.

It's as if the compass were a clock face.

They are postcodes, but the first two would be in London and

then Sheffield and then we're going back to London, which I think

is not really a sequence, so I can't take that one. W9 is the answer.

Bonus point for you there, Oscar Men,

and which question would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Right, could be books of the gospel and big.

-You know about Big Matthew?

-Well, get the next one.

-Next, please.

OK, well, he was married to Princess Anne.

Something to do with Tom Hanks films?

Oh, yeah, yeah, it could. OK, so, next one.

So, Captain Phillips is the... Well, Big Matthew...

Yeah, yeah. Shall we go for the next one? Can we go for the next?

Three seconds.

Matthew, Mark, Luke, John...

Yeah, John.

I need an answer.

Saving John Private Ryan.

Would be an acceptable answer. Very well done.

Now, I think you've gone a little bit too sophisticated and that's

why you've hamstrung yourselves trying to give an example.

What is the sequence?

It's Tom Hanks films with the Matthew, Mark, Luke and John

-from the Testaments, isn't it?

-That's right.

It's Tom Hanks films with added evangelists, but the Tom Hanks

films are not in a sequence. There were a lot of films between

Big and Captain Phillips, I mean, he had a whole career.

The sequence is the Evangelists, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,

so any Tom Hanks film with John in the title,

we've gone with Turner John & Hooch.

So, well done.

-Maltsters, what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds. OK.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next, please.

Anything?

No?

Next, please.

They're not CSI...

THEY WHISPER

-Have you got anything?

-I haven't got anything.

Two seconds.

-Boston.

-Why would that be?

Erm, we think they may be iterations of a crime series

with locations in them, although I'm struggling to locate Cyber on a map.

Yes, I can't, I can't come up with a sequence where Boston would fit in

a crime sequence, I'm afraid,

so another bonus chance for you, Oscar Men.

Well, they're all parts of the CSI universe and the first one

-was set in Las Vegas.

-I'm afraid I can't take it.

You're closer, but look at that first one, Cyber.

You can't be set in Cyber, it would have to be cyberspace.

It's the titles we're looking at.

So CSI and we're going backwards, CSI: Cyber,

CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

It's as simple as that.

It can't be the location, because Cyber is not in itself a location,

but just Crime Scene Investigation is what we wanted to hear.

No bonus, then, Oscar Men, but you may choose a question.

-Can we go with Water, please?

-Water. You absolutely may.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

OK, next.

Karol with a K. Pope Karol.

-It's Popes' first names.

-Yeah. Pope Karol Wojtyla, wasn't it?

-Yeah, so...

-So...the next to Karol Wojtyla would be the...

The current fellow.

-It's the Argentinian guy, ain't it?

-Yeah, so...

Shall we go for next?

-No.

-I'm afraid I need an answer now.

The current Pope's first name which I believe might be...Miguel.

Not the answer, I'm afraid, so I'm going to show the third

in the sequence to the Maltsters for a possible bonus point.

Alfonso?

Why not Manuel? No, it isn't. Now, you're all right.

We're looking at the first names of popes

and Pope Francis is Jorge Bergoglio.

Jorge.

But not any of the Spanish names that you came up with there,

I'm afraid.

But you may have a question, Maltsters - which would you like?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-Eye of Horus. OK.

These are going to be picture clues.

What kind of thing would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

A chamber...

-OK. Next one?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

That's The Prisoner...

Yeah. McGoohan. The Prisoner.

He's Number Six. How many...? There's five in there.

He was Number Six. Do we need something that's number eight?

Shall we go for it?

THEY WHISPER

Yeah. Shall we go for it?

We'll say an eight ball from a set of pool balls.

And why would that be?

Because we think that Number Six certainly, Patrick McGoohan in

The Prisoner, the first one seems to be number five of the

chambers in the revolver.

Oh, gosh.

Unfortunately...I don't think you can say that about

a revolver, because it depends where you spin it, doesn't it?

They're not numbered officially in that way,

so that's just a particular one, so I see your logic, but I'm

afraid that's not a sequence,

so I'm going to show the third to the Oscar Men.

You'll see that wouldn't work in your sequence either.

There's a possible bonus point.

OK.

OK, these are the words that appear after the "The" in the

Harry Potter novels and we believe the next one would be order.

Is the right answer. Very well done.

Chamber as in The Chamber Of Secrets,

The Prisoner Of Azkaban,

The Goblet Of Fire and The Order Of The Phoenix.

They are Harry Potter books,

those titles, and the words that come after "The."

Well done for the bonus point and the last question of the round

does go to you. The Twisted Flax.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Right. Richard I gave to John. OK.

Can we go next, please?

Charles II to James II.

Right. Erm...

-Any ideas on that?

-Richard I and John were brothers, weren't they?

Were they? So can these brothers go into the next brother? So...

It would be...

Edward VIII to...George VI, I'd imagine, if that's the theme.

Oh, the final one would be...? OK.

So we're going to try for that, are we?

Do we go for that one? A lot history in between...

-Two seconds.

-OK.

-Howard, do you want to take that one?

-Edward VIII to George VI.

Is the right answer. Very well done for three points.

And what's the sequence?

The Kings were brothers, like, who followed on from each other.

That's right. British monarchs who are succeeded by their brothers,

rather than a child as is more normal,

and the next ones along would

be George IV William IV and then the answer Edward VIII and George VI.

Well done.

At the end of Round Two,

the Maltsters have 3 points, the Oscar Men have 15.

So it is the Connecting Wall now

and the Oscar Men will be going first this time.

-You have a choice - Lion or Water?

-We'll go with Lion, please.

-Lion.

You have two and a half minutes to solve this wall starting now.

You've got names for dogs as well.

Common name for animals.

-Dogs, Pooch.

-Nag for horse.

Kitty... You've got...

Shall we do Pooch, Nag,

Kitty and Jumbo?

OK. That's good, that's one

off the board there. Right.

Yeah, Walter Hill. What can be another one?

We've got Carpenter and Hill, those are two directors, aren't they?

What about Black?

-I can't see any others, no.

-No? OK.

-Anybody Bough?

-Frank Bough.

BUZZ

We'll go with that one for the moment.

-Pot Plant.

-Yeah.

-Pot Black.

-Pot Shot.

OK, we've got that one, as well.

Three strikes and you're out now.

So, let's make sure

we don't do any of that.

Slate you can mine...

Let's look at words. So Carpenter,

Carpet, Hill, Rider, Roast, Ash.

Oh, Ash, is there any trees in here we could have? No. No. OK. Late...

Can't we think about the directors again?

Carpenter, Hill.

Let's go for...

-No, it doesn't look very promising.

-BUZZ

OK. Bough. Carpenter...

Frank Bough, Carpenter, Hill...

-We need...

-Oh, Rider. Rider.

That's it, you've solved the wall. Very well done.

Now, what about some points for the connections?

The first blue group - Kitty, Jumbo, Nag, Pooch.

These are affectionate names for types of animals, so Kitty

being a cat, Jumbo, elephant, Nag, horse, Pooch, dog.

Slang names for animals, and the green group, starting Black.

-All can be proceeded with the word pot.

-They can.

Pot black, pot shot, potluck, pot plant.

And what about this next one starting Carpenter?

These are...

-basically sporting commentators.

-They are sports broadcasters.

And what about this final turquoise group, starting Carpet?

Erm...could they all be things that you sweep?

They are not all things that you sweep, although frankly,

my roasts are best swept straight into the bin.

No, you're not seeing it.

They're synonyms for each other, they mean to upbraid,

to carpet someone, to give them a roast, to trash someone's reputation

or slate, you know, to criticise or insult or otherwise upbraid

someone, but you found four groups,

three points for the connections, that is a total of seven.

Let's bring in their opponents now, give them a new Connecting Wall

and see what they can do about solving it.

Hello again, Maltsters.

The Lion's been taken, so Water is all that is available to you.

You have two and a half minutes to solve this one, starting now.

Drive roller, carriage release -

they look like part of some kind of...

We've got some 3D figures -

Spheroid, Cylinder, Prism, Cone.

-Shall we try those?

-Yeah, go for that.

BUZZ

No. Is there another one?

Tetrahedron.

Tetrahedron, Spheroid,

-Prism, Cylinder.

-BUZZ

Try it with Cone.

Yes. OK.

-So, Key...

-I think Suffolk punch, Rum punch.

Oh, yeah, that's not bad. Yeah.

Bolo punch? Rabbit punch.

-Yeah.

-Try those?

-Yeah.

-BUZZ.

-No. OK. Is there another one?

Key...

-Parts of a typewriter?

-Golf ball's part of a typewriter, isn't it?

Carriage release...Drive roller and Key.

-BUZZ

-OK. What about Cylinder in there?

Golf ball, Drive roller, Carriage release, Cylinder. Yes.

-Three strikes and you're out now.

-So, we've got...

-Wuss, Chicken, Rabbit, are all terms for coward.

-Yeah.

Suffolk Punch, Bolo punch, Key punch? That could be, I suppose?

Did you say rabbit punch? Because Rum can't be...

Well, there is rabbit punch, but it's more in this...

So I'm thinking those three and that one, and then the others -

are we happy with Punch for that, if that's right?

-Reasonably.

-OK.

That's it. You've solved the wall. Very well done.

Four points immediately and what about the connections?

Cone, Prism, Spheroid, Tetrahedron.

They are... What's the word?

Three-dimensional geometric figures.

That's it, they're solid shapes and figures in mathematics.

And the green group - Carriage release, Cylinder,

Drive roller, Golf ball.

-Parts of a typewriter.

-They are parts of a typewriter.

What about the next one, starting Rabbit?

-They are slang insults for cowardice.

-That's right, yes.

Being a bit of a scaredy-cat, that's that one.

And the turquoise group - Key, Bolo, Suffolk, Rum.

-We think they can all be followed by the word punch.

-They can.

You found all four groups and you told me all the connections.

I will give you a bonus for getting it all correct.

That is the maximum of ten.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

And if you know your rum punches from your Suffolks, then why not

apply to be a contestant on the next series of Only Connect?

Go to the website...

to find out how to do that.

The Missing Vowels round will decide who goes on to Round Two

and who goes home. Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group

are all winners of

Beard of the Year.

Maltsters.

-Jeremy Corbyn.

-Correct.

Maltsters.

-Rowan Williams.

-Yes, it is.

Oscar Men.

-Michael Eavis.

-Well done.

Oscar Men.

-Gerry Adams.

-Indeed. Next category.

Maltsters.

-Heresy and anger.

-Well spotted.

Oscar Men.

-Guilty, guilt and...

-Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Maltsters, do you know?

-Gluttony and lust.

-That's right.

Maltsters.

-Treachery and greed.

-Yes, it is.

Maltsters.

-Violence and fraud.

-Correct. Next category...

Maltsters.

-Great hammerhead.

-Correct.

Don't know this one? It's cookiecutter shark.

But there will be no more clues, because the bell has gone for

the end of the quiz and what a great Round Four

that was for you, Maltsters.

I can reveal that the winners with 23 points and going through

to Round Two are still the Oscar Men.

Very well played.

Well, that was fantastic stuff, Maltsters.

It wasn't quite enough to make up

for the deficit earlier,

but really great missing vowling

from you, and you know,

as you listed what it said on my CV -

the gluttony, the lust,

the treachery, the violence and fraud,

you know it brought a tear to my eye.

Thank you very much for playing and that's the end of the show.

Thank you for watching and for not switching over to ITV to see

someone fail to win a holiday off Ant and Dec.

Goodbye.