Psmiths v Oscar Men Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect.

Sorry we're a bit late starting.

Just as I was leaving my dressing room,

I had a phone call from a lovely young man

who said I might be in line for some compensation,

and asking if I'd had an accident in the last couple of years.

Well, that led to a long conversation about

whether getting pregnant counted.

Anyway, I'm here, now,

so let's meet the teams.

On my right,

Mark Smith,

an archivist and keen musician,

who's written a song about two mutual stalkers for the ukulele.

Nick Holland,

a copywriter and tortoise fan,

who wrote and performed a one-man play

on the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square,

while wearing a papier-mache mask.

And their captain, Nick Reed,

a charity administrator and fundraiser,

who's driven across America in a station wagon,

which twice caught fire.

United by a weakness for Wodehouse,

they are the Psmiths.

Now, in your earlier rounds, you won two games.

You described your team as the One Direction of Only Connect

because you were put together by our producers.

How's the team bonding?

Well, you'll have seen

the paparazzi pictures of us

on private jets, frolicking in the sea, etc,

and only tomorrow we're going to see a jazz-influenced folk singer.

Well, have a lovely time!

Tonight, you'll be having a lovely time with, on my left,

Howard Freedman, a taxi driver

with an IT degree from the Open University,

who doesn't own a television.

Adrian Knott, a civil servant,

whose mother's second cousin is Jimmy Krankie.

And their captain, Michael Slowey,

a data analyst who got drunk at a Holiday Inn bar

with Snoop Dogg's backing band.

United by a fascination with films,

they are the Oscar Men.

Now, you had a slightly bumpier journey.

You lost your first heat against The Part-time Poets,

then you beat The Monsters And The Genealogists

as a higher scoring second-place finisher.

Has the Only Connect experience been everything you hoped for,

or a terrible disappointment?

It's been great,

we've loved Cardiff, and we've met

some very nice and interesting people along the way.

Not here?! In your gaps, I suppose?

Well, you won the toss, Psmiths,

so you're going to be going first.

What is the connection between four apparently random clues?

That is what I want to know.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What connects these little clues?

Here's the first.

-BEEP

-Oh!

Oh, dear.

You've pressed the bell.

I'm afraid I must ask you for an answer.

What connects these clues?

They're all North American sporting associations.

It's a good guess, but unfortunately not the answer.

So, I'm going to show the other clues to the Oscar Men

for a possible bonus point.

We believe they all incorporate human beings on their logos.

Not it, I'm afraid, and for a bonus point,

it really does need to be perfect. The logos all contain silhouettes.

Ah...

-Do you know that, over there?

-Yes!

Talk me through the clues that you should have seen.

The National Basketball Association has a silhouette

of someone slam dunking.

Yes, what are the other ones?

-DreamWorks is a child on a half moon, fishing.

-That's right.

And Kappa... Does Kappa have...

-Two back-to-back?

-Two people back-to-back.

-Yeah.

That's right. Swimwear models, relaxing after a photo shoot,

a familiar scene to us all, I know.

And what about Dr Oetker?

-Nope.

-Nope.

They have a silhouette of the artist's daughter,

it's just the bust of a child.

So, no points, unfortunately, but I do like your gambling spirit.

Oscar Men, what would you like?

Eye Of Horus, please.

The Eye Of Horus. OK.

These are going to be picture clues.

Let's see if you too can come in after two and a half seconds.

First one, coming up...

now.

OK, I'm not sure of the politician.

-Erm...

-Another one.

Next, please.

OK, that's the Rev Richard Coles.

Yeah, used to be in The Communards, Could be bands.

Could be bands. Shall we go for the next, please?

-Yes.

-Used to be in a band, didn't he?

-BEEP

-Yeah, we believe

these people have all had

a former life as a member of a band.

Again, I need to hear something specific.

They were the keyboardists.

Yeah, so, the middle two, such famous musicians,

so I need to hear keyboards,

which is what all of these people formerly played in bands.

Well done.

Back to you, Psmiths,

-for a choice.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

What is the connection between these Lion clues?

Here's the first.

Oh...

-It's sagas, I think.

-Right.

Next.

Oh...

-He dislocated his jaw shouting at a defender.

-Oh, wow!

OK, that sounds good enough.

-Unusual causes of injury?

-Is it unusual...

Yeah, shall we go for that?

-Let's go for that.

-Yes, let's go for it.

BEEP

We think these are unusual causes of injury among football players.

That's absolutely right.

You recognised Alex Stepney

of Manchester United was just shouting so angrily at the defenders

from the goal that he actually dislocated his jaw.

David Batty, he missed a lot of matches.

His Achilles tendon was injured

by his own toddler riding a tricycle at him.

Steve Morrow, he was lifted in triumph by Tony Adams, and dropped.

And the first one, do you know who this is, in the first clue?

-No.

-Yeah, he's Norwegian.

He was out running in the woods and just bumped into a moose,

and caused him to miss an international game. Yes.

Well done,

all odd footballing injuries.

Oscar Men, what would you like next?

Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper, OK.

What connects these clues?

Here's the first.

It's Not Unusual.

-Tom Jones.

-It's Tom Jones, isn't it?

-'64.

-That wasn't the Eurovision song contest, was it?

-No.

-OK.

Can we go for the next, please?

Mull of Kintyre, 19...

Oh, right.

I don't think...

It's not the same one, though, is it?

-Because he wrote that, didn't he?

-He did.

Yeah, I thought he did as well.

It's Not Unusual... Mull of...

Can we go for the next one, please?

Martha's Harbour.

-Is that a good one?

-Let's go for it.

Yeah? These are all films.

-Well, well...

-No.

BEEP Yep?

We believe they're names of films

as well as famous songs,

they came prior to the song.

And I'm going to ask you

to tell me something specific.

Number one songs?

That is not the thing

that I want to hear so I have to show the last clue

to the Psmiths for a possible bonus point.

The title of the film may have been changed to accommodate the song.

That's not it.

Now, where you're unlucky, Oscar Men,

and I'm surprised, from you, you didn't get the specific thing.

It's that the performers share their names with Best Picture winners.

That's what the dates are, that's why we've got 1964 and so on,

it's the performers have the same name as what won

the Best Film Oscar that year.

Tom Jones.

Wings, that won the Best Picture in 1929,

All About Eve in 1951 won the Best Picture Oscar,

and If You Leave Me Now...

-Nilsson?

-Chicago?

-Chicago.

Nilsson, not one of the great films.

Chicago, very well done.

So, no points there.

Psmiths, what would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

OK.

Next.

-No, got no idea.

-Next?

That's... Three units? Oh...

Is its...

Are they divided into units?

Are they divided into three?

A game of three halves?

-Oh.

-Could be.

Should we have the other one?

-I think we definitely should have the other one.

-Next.

-1.5.

-One and a half.

-Oh, OK, but...

Yeah, so...

-An extra half, three halves?

-BEEP

Three halves.

Yeah, we think these are things

which have three halves.

Three halves is the connection, very good.

Tell me about some of the clues you're looking at.

1.5 is obviously the three halves.

Speculating, without having the faintest sort of direct knowledge,

the recommended daily beer intake for men might be three halves.

It is. I mean, I'm assuming that's one and a half pints rather than,

you know, a half for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

But perhaps you can have it however you want.

What about the Eton school year?

Is it a quaint and curious anachronism

-that they have three terms and they are all called halves?

-That's right.

Because private schools used to have two terms,

they were divided into two halves,

and when it moved to three school terms,

Eton thought it would keep the word halves for them

because they like to have a bit of language that they understand

that other people don't quite.

And do you know anything about this football match?

Presumably by accident or design,

it went on too long.

It wasn't that it went on too long.

It's that the referee missed his train,

so they started the match without him,

and then when he arrived at half-time,

Derby were already three nil down,

and he said well, would you like to start again?

LAUGHTER

And they, understandably, said yes, they would,

so they started again and at the next half-time

they were three nil down again,

and they ended up losing the match eight nil.

So there were three halves in that particular football match.

Well done. Back to you, Oscar men,

for the last question. Water. BING

There's the music question. It was waiting 'til the end.

What connects these pieces of music?

Here's the first.

FEMALE VOICE SINGS WITH PIANO

-That's German.

-I don't know it.

-Next, please.

-JAUNTY SOLO PIANO

That's some sort of Ragtime music.

When you put it that way, maybe...

Next, please.

MEDITERRANEAN STRINGS

Matavani, I think that is.

Yes, I think it's Matavani.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. Next, please.

MALE VOICE SINGS MODERN BALLAD

Right, Kiss From A Rose by Seal.

-So...

-Yeah, go on?

-Yeah, so we can put that.

-Kisses?

-Kiss From A Rose. Right.

Two seconds. BEEP

-OK. Kiss from a Rose.

-Yeah...

We're going to go for they all contain...

Kisses.

That's a lovely guess!

I'm afraid it's not the right answer, but it's very nice.

So, Psmiths, you have the chance of a bonus point.

We think they all contain roses.

They all contain roses. Now if you only recognised

Kiss From a Rose, unfortunately, you lost

the 50-50. Roses is the link. Did you know any

-of the other songs?

-The first one was

-Heidenroslein by Schubert.

-That's right.

-Rose of the field or heath.

-You thought...

I thought Honeysuckle Rose could be the second one.

That's right, absolutely.

And the third one, The White Rose of Athens.

All the titles contained roses.

That means at the end of round one the Oscar Men have two points,

the Psmiths have five.

Sequences round now,

and Psmiths you'll be going first again. So please

-choose a sequential hieroglyph.

-Two Reeds, please.

Two Reeds. Well, well. It's a music sequence.

OK, you're going to be hearing the clues.

I want to know what kind of thing you'd expect to hear

in fourth place. First one coming in now.

# Sisters are doing it for themselves... #

Next.

# When the river was deep I didn't falter

# When the mountain was high I still believed... #

Next.

# Don't let the sun go down on me

# Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see... #

So this is George and Elton, so we need Elton and someone else.

BUZZER

We think we're going to hear Don't Go Breaking My Heart

by Elton John and Kiki Dee.

That is absolutely right as one of a couple of

possible answers. Why? What's the sequence?

Erm, we're sort of swapping partners.

We started off with Eurhythmics and Aretha Franklin.

Then went with Aretha and George Michael.

Then George and Elton. Then Elton and someone else.

That's exactly right, we're taking one person

from each half of a duet and moving along.

So we wanted to hear a duet

with Elton John. Now, we actually don't have that

to play. I'm trusting that you'll be able to

help the viewers at home. OK, one, two, three...

# Don't go breaking my heart

# I couldn't if I tried

# But honey if I... Dun... Dun...

# Baby, I'm not that type. #

Oh, that's lovely, lovely. That kind.

But I quite like your half-rhyme, I actually think it's more

-sophisticated and Yatesian.

-It's what I was going for.

A lovely chorus, thank you very much.

Oscar Men, what would you like?

Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax, OK. This one's a picture question.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

It looks like a zero. It could be a symbol for something else.

Next, please.

Right, OK, these are stylised letters.

Next, please.

I'm at a loss for this.

Seems to be, they're not letters, they are outlines

of something, aren't they?

They're letters, with things missing, so I think that looks like

-almost an outline...

-Seems like a B with a bit missing.

Yeah, so... So let's see.

Inside of the O, inside of the P, inside of the Q.

So the inside of an R.

BUZZER

So, we're going to go for

the converse inside of an R as the diagram.

That's right. It would be the missing bit from

inside an R, what would that look like?

It would look like the second clue.

That's right, it's pretty much identical to that second one,

the inside of a P. Well done.

-Psmiths, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next.

Some sort of sporting tournament.

We need another. Next. OK. OK.

-Rugby has cups, plates and bowls.

-Yes, true.

Calcutta Cup. They could be in the order that

-they are played in the season.

-Yes, the order of the event.

Calcutta Cup.

Two seconds.

BUZZER

-Trophy is the... Trophy?

-Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Oscar Men, do you want to have a go

-for a bonus point?

-We'll handover to Howard.

At the moment I'd come up with trophy myself.

Unlucky, Howard, you've been handed over to.

-What's the answer?

-Masters, did you say?

-Say masters.

-Masters is not the answer, I'm afraid.

I think you muttered it over there,

the answer is shield. What it's actually to do

with is rugby sevens. Most rugby sevens have a

particular series of cups, and you are

competing for the cup if you're at the top.

The two teams at the top, then the quarterfinal

losers go for the plate, then the teams in third

and fourth place compete for the bowl,

so we're going downwards.

Rugby sevens descending order of prestige.

Shield is what would come next.

-Oscar Men, what would you like?

-Can we go for Lion, please?

Yes, you absolutely may.

What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

OK, it means nothing to me.

Means nothing to me either.

Next, please.

This could be something else.

Nicto, halco.

-It's not a connection, it's a series.

-OK, next please.

Ah, right.

So it's...

These are possibly parts of the periodic table.

So probably not a halogen, as we've got...

Noble gases maybe.

BUZZER

Can we go for noble gases, please?

You can go for whatever you like, and in this

case it's the right answer.

-Noble gases would come next. And why?

-They are all parts

of the periodic table going from left to right,

-we believe, is it?

-It's not going from left to right,

its numerical, so the pnictogens, I'm sure you'll appreciate,

probably your favourite group, pnictogens,

that's group 15. Then we're going group 16

and 17, group 18 is the noble gases.

Back to you, Psmiths, for the last choice for the round.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-Eye of Horus.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next.

Oh, right, OK.

The masculine plural.

Next.

It is going to be first of five.

In Spanish you have the masculine plural "los".

O, los...

Is it just A, do you think?

It's got to be the first of five.

That's a pronoun.

BUZZER

First of five significa "A".

I'm afraid that is not the right answer,

so, Oscar Men, you have the chance of a bonus point.

We're going to go first of five and...

-If it's Spanish it's "O", "los"...

-I don't believe I

invited you to have a chat. Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Although, I love the way you sort of have come up with the answer

but you're not quite sure, you look at Howard each time.

Howard, you do seem like the kind of person one

would just look to in a crisis.

-What was that noise...Howard?

-I don't know why.

No, that's not what it is.

Now, what there are five of is vowels.

So, the fourth vowel of five would be "O",

the letter O. Which Italian, means, or significa,

as the Italians would say, "or".

O translates as "or". Then, going backwards,

the letter I, "I" in Italian. "The" - masculine plural.

"I" something. Then the letter E, second of five,

significa "and". "E" - "and" in Italian.

And I want to hear first of five significa "to",

is the most common one. It gets less fun, doesn't it,

somehow, as the show goes on?

You start to look up train times and wonder if you really want to stay.

So no bonus, Oscar Men, but you get the last question,

the Horned Viper. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Sounds like some queen or consort or something like that.

OK, next please.

-Queens?

-I'm sure there's somebody called Caroline Ansbach.

-You ready for the next?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

OK, these could be consorts of South African...

-Are they King Georges'?

-Could be, yeah.

Because one of them was married to...

OK, so what would you, where would you be going in that area, then?

I think, I think it's either another Caroline

or another Charlotte. But I don't know which one.

Two seconds.

BUZZER

OK, we're going to go with another Caroline...

-of, we're not sure.

-Howard.

Caroline of Medici.

-Brunswick.

-Not it, I'm afraid.

Caroline of Medici is not the right answer.

-Psmiths, do you know?

-Is it Caroline of Brunswick?

It is Caroline of Brunswick.

Unfortunately, Caroline of Medici you beat him to the answer.

Caroline of Brunswick is it. Why?

These are the spouses of the four Georges in order.

That's right, the wives of George I, II and III.

I want to hear the wife of George IV.

Caroline of Brunswick. That means at the end of round two

the Oscar Men have six points, the Psmiths have eight.

Time for the Connecting Wall now,

and Oscar Men you'll be going first this time,

so please choose Lion or Water.

We'll go with Lion.

OK. Two and a half minutes to solve the Lion wall starting now.

OK. Wilson. That's a tennis racket, type of one.

-Sahzia Mirza, that's a female comedian.

-Head is a tennis racket.

Head, Wilson. We've got Dunlop... Let's go for Point.

-Nope.

-Is Mirza?

-It's worth a shot, we'll try it if you want.

So, shall we go with Wilson, Dunlop, Head, Cape?

Wilson, Dunlop, Head... Ras.

Infante, Prince, Ras...

-Head?

-Mirza?

Brilliant. Fantastic. So have we got anything that goes with Babolat?

-Doesn't mean anything to me.

-Loch Ness... Head...

Do you want to go for Head again?

Head, Wilson...

Dunlop and Ness.

Let's just try...

Ness and Cape and Head are types of...

What else would they be?

A Babolat, perhaps? Ness, Cape, Point. Miss out Point.

Ness, Cape and...Head?

Miss out Ness.

Miss out Cape.

Babolat, Wilson, Head and... Brilliant.

Three lives now.

-Right, OK, so we've got...

-Ness, Point, Cape.

-Number and Sin.

20 seconds.

Cape, Point.

Let's go for Bill and Sin.

Number, Point, Cape, Bill.

Flower, Number.

Five seconds.

KLAXON

No, that's your third life. The Wall has frozen.

But you get points for the groups you found

and what about the connections? Ras, Prince, Mirza, Infante?

They're all designations for royaly, perhaps.

They're all junior royalty around the world. Different languages.

That's right. And the green group. Wilson, Dunlop and the rest?

They're all tennis racket producers.

They are the tennis racquet manufacturers and you can

still get points for the connections in the groups you didn't find

so let's resolve the wall.

There we go. Bill, Ness, Point, Cape.

We believe they're all geographical.

So, you have for example, Loch Ness, Portland Bill...

Yes, again I'm going to have to ask you to tell me something specific.

They're all located on the sea?

-Or by water? Water features, if you will.

-It's just not enough!

At this stage, playing for a place in the quarterfinals,

-I need to hear, "They are promontories."

-Ah, OK.

Specifically, that is the shape they make going out into the sea.

Promontories. And the last group. Flower, Number, Sin, Beetle.

-I don't know. Any of you guys?

-Erm...

They could all be preceded by Cardinal.

But two points for the groups you found and two points

for the connections. That's a total of four.

Let's bring in their opponents now,

give them a new Connecting Wall, see what they can do with it.

Welcome back Psmiths. You'll be getting the Water wall.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it starting now.

Cheviot, Malvern, Chiltern, Quantock.

OK, what about Preseli?

-Preseli, OK.

-So miss out Quantock.

Miss out...

Maybe try something else.

Ile de France, Martinique, Reunion.

-These aren't bits of France, are they?

-No.

Windermere and Bracknell are both Oscar Wilde.

-Is there a lady Hunstanton in something?

-Yeah, I think so.

-And Lady...

-Malvern?

-Corriedale?

OK...

Are we going back to France or...

OK, erm, that could be...

-OK.

-Do you want to keep trying hills?

-Hills, right, OK.

-Are these all right? Are these all hills?

-Yeah.

I'm not brilliant on hills. What's Corriedale?

Corriedale's a lake as is Windermere, as is Preseli, maybe.

I don't know.

Try cows or sheep or something.

30 seconds.

Let's go back to Oscar Wilde after this one, just for the last one.

OK, so Windermere, Bracknell.

Ten seconds.

No. You're out of time and the wall has frozen.

What a horrible wall! My goodness!

Like the old Berlin wall, only worse.

Nevertheless, you can still get points for the connections

so let's resolve the wall.

There we go. That's what we were hoping to see.

Windermere, Hunstanton, Bracknell, Chiltern.

-These are aristocratic characters in plays.

-Can you be more specific?

-Oscar Wilde plays?

-Oscar Wilde plays.

They are ladies from Oscar Wilde productions.

And the next green group starting Malvern.

-They are groups of hills.

-They're ranges of hills. And the next one.

-Cheviot, Rambouillet and so on.

-Are they sheep?

They are all breeds of sheep. And what about the last turquoise group?

Martinique, Reunion, Mayotte, Brittany.

They are all regions of France.

They are administrative regions of France even though only

Brittany is actually in France. The others are abroad.

But they are all officially regions of France.

So that's four points. Let's have a look at the scores.

The Oscar Men have ten points, the Psmiths have 12.

So, it's pretty neck and neck as we go into the missing vowels round.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

The first group are all phrases expressing happiness.

-Oscar Men.

-Tickled pink.

-Correct.

No? This one is "On cloud nine". Next clue.

-Oscar Men.

-Over the moon.

-Correct.

-Psmiths?

-Pleased as punch.

-Correct.

Next category, women and their fathers.

-Psmiths?

-Norah Jones and Ravi Shankar.

-Well done.

-Psmiths?

-Nigella Lawson and...

No, no, no. Oscar Men, do you know?

Yes. It's Angela Jolie...

No, I'm afraid it's not. It's Angelina Jolie and Jon Voight.

Next Clue.

No? This one is Indira Gandhi and Pandit Nehru. Next clue.

-Oscar Men?

-Helen of Troy and Zeus.

-Correct.

Next category, Scout Acivity Badges.

-Psmiths.

-Martial arts.

-Correct.

-Oscar Men?

-Orienteering.

KLAXON

No. I'm afraid for orienteering, you'd need the R before the -NT.

This is entertainer.

So, that is it.

The bell has gone and looking at the final scores, the winners with

14 points and straight through to the quarterfinals are the Psmiths.

Very well done to you.

And with a close-run 12 points, it's the Oscar Men.

You're not going home, of course.

You'll get another chance to play your way into

the quarterfinals a little later on.

So, well done, everybody. Thanks for watching.

And to those who've been writing to ask what's happened to our

charity specials this series,

I can tell you the answer is, we just can't get the teams any more.

For example, Zippy and George both said yes but Bungle replied

with just four words - "it's still too raw."

Goodnight.