Psmiths v Verbivores Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect,

where, like a night with the Krankies, everything's up for grabs.

Two fresh teams in contention tonight

and they are, on my right,

Mark Smith, an archivist

who used to work in a sponge factory

and is the second cousin of a prominent Bermudian ukulele star.

Nick Holland, a freelance copywriter

who was once mistaken for a professional football player

by his own brother.

And their captain, Nick Reed,

a charity administrator and fundraiser

who lives in Yorkshire and has a deaf whippet.

United by a passion

for PG Wodehouse,

they are the Psmiths.

Nick, I hear there's an interesting story

behind the formation of your team.

Oh, yes, we all applied

to your excellent organisation

as individuals

and were placed together by your excellent producers,

so we think of ourselves as the One Direction of Only Connect.

Do you know, that's the first thing I thought when I saw you.

Congratulations.

I hope you make beautiful music this evening.

You will be facing, on my left,

Phyl Styles, a home tutor with a passion for choral singing

and a fear of bridges.

Tom Cappleman, a software engineer

with a degree in maths

who lived for a year in the house in which Edmond Halley

discovered his eponymous comet.

And their captain, Graeme Cole,

a computer science graduate

who maintains a database of every Countdown episode since 1982.

United by a weakness for words,

they are the Verbivores.

How are you feeling about tonight's competition?

Well, we don't have much of a strategy beyond

try to avoid the music question,

avoid bridges, and what's the worst that can happen?

That sounds like an excellent strategy.

Well, you started well, Verbivores, you won the toss,

you'll be going first. So, we're going to play Round One.

What is the connection between four apparently random clues?

What's the worst that can happen?

Let's find out.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper.

OK. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Any idea of this one?

Next, please.

-I've not got this yet, no.

-No, not at all.

Next one, please.

Georgia's an American state.

Is it a town in Canada?

-Do we know anything that leads between these places?

-No.

No. Next one, please.

Is it Mount?

Like Mount... Is there a Mount Bass?

It could be discovered New Zealand

but I don't know if others tick that.

I would say, are they mountains in those countries?

Well, we've got to buzz something.

Three seconds.

Are these the highest mountains in these countries?

They are not, so I'm going to throw

it over to the Psmiths

for a possible bonus point.

We think they are as straits,

which separate bits of a country

from other bits of a country.

That is absolutely right.

They are all straits.

They separate an island

from the rest of the country.

Very well done. So, you get a bonus

point and you may choose

your own question.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

OK. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Taoiseach is Irish Prime Minister.

Next.

Shortest-serving in these roles.

-Possibly.

-Yeah, could be.

-Do you want another?

-I think maybe we should go for another.

What do you think?

-Shall we have a bash?

-Yeah.

Are they the shortest-serving people to hold these offices?

Yes, they are.

Coming in after two clues, you get three points. Very well done.

You didn't need to see the last two clues.

Talk me through what we're looking at.

Well, John Bruton is the Taoiseach -

was the Taoiseach.

For how long, do you know?

-I've no idea.

-Three years.

'94 to '97.

The Pope must have been...

Well, John Paul I was 70-something days,

so it must be less than that. Is it something like four days?

It was 12 days.

Yes, he actually died of malaria

before his consecration.

Very sad story.

George Canning was whom?

Primer Minister.

-In...

-1820s, something like that.

That's absolutely right. 1827.

Yes, a Tory Prime Minister, and Paul McGann appeared as the Doctor

in a single episode, a single

90-minute episode of Doctor Who.

All shortest-serving occupants.

Well done.

Back to you, Verbivores, for a choice.

Eye of Horus, please.

Ah. It's the music question.

You will be hearing the clues.

They all have something in common. What is it?

Here's the first.

# Question - how do you like this knowledge that I brought?

# Bragging on that cash that he gave you is a front

# If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt... #

Next, please.

# I've been a victim of A selfish kinda love... #

I know this but I don't know the name of it.

# It's time that I realise... #

It reminding me of Michael Jackson, isn't it?

Next, please.

# Come gather round people wherever you roam

# And admit that the waters around you have grown... #

Next.

# Read about the things that happen throughout the world... #

-News Of The World.

-Is it?

# Don't believe in everything you see or hear... #

-It's Jenny From The Block and News Of The World...

-Three seconds.

-Go on.

-It's something preposition the something.

I'm afraid that does not apply

to all the clues.

I'm sorry about that.

So, Psmiths, you have the chance

of a bonus point.

Newspapers, possibly. News Of The World, Times...

Yeah, Independent in the first one.

Is there a newspaper connection?

It is newspapers, you're right, Mark.

It's actually Independent Woman Part I,

that was the first clue,

from Destiny's Child.

So, Independent, the former newspaper, Man In The MIRROR,

The TIMES They Are A-Changin'

and News Of The World,

a selection of current

and former newspapers.

Well done for the bonus

and what would you like?

Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-Astronomy?

-INAUDIBLE SPEECH

-It'll be something like that, yeah.

-Next.

-No.

-No, I don't know.

-Yeah, I think we need another.

-Next.

Next.

-Almanacs.

-Almanacs, yeah.

These are almanacs

and the length of time

for which they ran

or continue to run.

They are all almanacs.

Very well done.

Yes, what's William Lilly, what's that referring to?

Lilly's almanac.

I mean, yes, I wonder if you know any more about it.

Is it to do with stars?

Well, it was an interesting

combination of facts

and his own sort of predictions

of what was to come. Apparently, according to my notes,

it was popular during

the 17th-century almanac boom,

which sounds like a good boom.

Very well done and back to you,

Verbivores, for the last choice of the round.

-Water, please.

-Water.

OK. These are going to be picture clues.

They all have something in common. What is it?

Here's the first.

Nicole Kidman.

Next, please.

Er, is that...?

Could it be Jennifer Saunders?

It looks like her but I don't know.

Next, please.

Is that Bruno Mars?

1985...

-Next.

-Next.

Is that the year he was born?

Assuming it's years born, but I don't know what the link is.

Erm...

OK. So, it might be that.

Three seconds.

Probably not good enough, but is it the years they were born?

Now, have another go.

There'll be a hidden connection.

Were they all born in Hawaii?

They were all born in Hawaii.

What?!

Very well found in the depths of your mind.

Yes, Nicole Kidman

was born in Hawaii

and has a Hawaiian name, Hokulani,

taken from a baby elephant that was born in a zoo

around about the same time.

Later, the elephant

was found dead in a moat.

So that's a nice story.

Bette Midler and Bruno Mars also

born in Hawaii and Barack Obama

famously, cos that was a controversy in America.

Very well done, you are off

the blocks with one point.

And back to you, Psmiths,

for the last question.

It's the Lion question.

What is the connection

between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next.

Is it to do with green crosses, do you think?

I don't know.

-Maybe we should get another.

-Let's have another. Next.

Oh, erm, rabbit... The, erm...

Playboy, something to do with...

I really don't know. What's symbolised by bunnies? I don't know.

Green-cross bunny.

-Next.

-Next one.

That's definitely got a bunny. Yeah.

Bunnies.

Promoted by bunnies.

Well, that's one way of putting it.

I will certainly give you the point.

They all have rabbit mascots.

Whether the rabbits consciously promote them, I'm not quite sure.

What are these clues referring to?

The well-known battery company

has a rabbit that carries on playing the drums

-longer than its competitors.

-It's OK, we can say Duracell.

There are other excellent batteries on the market

but that's the one with the rabbit logo.

The soft-porn empire is Playboy with its bunny ears.

Other excellent soft-porn magazines are available.

If only in my dressing room.

And the second one, that is Quicky,

the Nesquik Bunny

-is being talked about there.

-Oh!

-And the first one is

from the Tufty Club.

Do you remember that?

Tufty, the eponymous squirrel,

but the moral of the story

was imparted by Dr White Rabbit,

Tufty's friend.

So, yes, all represented by rabbits.

Very well done.

At the end of Round One,

the Verbivores have one point,

the Psmiths have seven.

Onto Round Two, the sequences round.

This time the teams must work out the hidden connection

and then tell me what would come fourth in a sequence.

Verbivores, you'll be going first again, so please

choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-OK, you'll be seeing the first in a sequence.

These are picture clues.

I want to know what sort of thing you'd expect to see

in the fourth picture.

Here's the first.

The Windows 10 logo, isn't it?

8 Windows logo.

Next.

Oh, is it Newfoundland?

Or is it? No, it's too far south.

New York, is it New York?

Next.

OS.

It's... It's...

Ordnance Survey, isn't it?

MS, NS, OS, PS - postcode.

Oh, well done.

Postscript, for example.

The thing on the end of a letter with a...

a picture of a letter with a thing on the end.

Would be an acceptable answer

for two points. Very well done.

And why's that?

MS for Microsoft,

NS for Nova Scotia,

OS for Ordnance Survey, did you say?

-Yeah.

-That's right, so, MS, NS, OS,

something with a PS, could be

a postscript, could be a person

with those initials, couldn't it?

Phillip Schofield.

Phil Silvers, Phil Spector.

Could've been a Patrick, Patrick Swayze, Patrick Stewart, Pat Sharp.

I've got a few possible alternative answers.

Could've been a Peter, couldn't it? Peter Sellers.

Peter Sarstedt, Peter Serafinowicz, Peter Saville,

Peter Shilton, Pete Sampras, Pete Seeger,

Peter Sutcliffe, Peter Stuyvesant or Peter Stringfellow.

Or a Paul, Paul Simon, it could've been,

Paul Smith, Paul Scholes, Paul Staines, Paul Sinha.

Patti Smith.

I never even thought of a woman.

Pauly Shore, Pamela Stephenson, Percy Sledge, Prunella Scales,

Preston Sturges, the film director,

Pharoah Sanders.

Percy Shelley, I don't know if that would have been an acceptable.

This is actually the initials quiz.

I don't know if you know, we've changed this series mostly,

it's about initials.

Very well done for two points.

Psmiths, what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

OK, what would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Don't know.

Next.

Presenters' names?

Yeah, that sounds likely. Don't know who they are.

Next.

Ed?

I'm thinking Ed Miliband, Nicola Sturgeon and don't know.

Nick and... Nick Clegg.

Three seconds.

With no confidence at all, Jeremy.

Is not the right answer, I'm afraid.

Verbivores, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

I think we're going to say David.

Is the right answer.

-Oh.

-And why do you say that?

Is that the first names of party leaders

going into the last election, presumably by the number of...

in ascending order, the number of seats they got?

That's exactly what it is.

And the strange one, Nick and Peter,

because it was Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats

and Peter Robinson of the DUP,

eight seats each.

And then you've got Nicola Sturgeon of the SNP,

Ed Miliband of Labour and David Cameron

with how many seats?

12 more than half of however many are in the Commons.

-What a beautiful way of putting it.

-330 something.

331 exactly

seats by the Conservatives.

It's leaders of political parties

in the order of the number of seats

those parties took at the 2015 general election.

Well done, you get a bonus point

and your chance to choose.

-Water, please.

-Water.

What will be fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

We could look at Grammy, Oscar and Tony.

I think E-G-O-T is an acronym.

Oh, E-G-O-T...?

I think each E-G-O-T is an acronym,

which would make Tony last.

We'll go. I think it's worth going for it, yeah.

We think Tony.

Is the right answer. Gosh, you've warmed up!

THEY LAUGH Why is that?

I'll defer to Tom.

Um, they're major awards in their areas,

I don't know if they're awarded every year, or...

but I know E-G-O-T is the acronym that they're known by as a group,

but I'm not sure why.

Well, it was coined by the actor

Philip Michael Thomas.

Do you member him, from Miami Vice?

He played Tubbs, and he was actor

and singer and stage performer,

he did these various things and

he said it was his aim to win

all four of these awards.

He had a necklace with "EGOT"

written on it cos he thought he

was eligible to win them all.

And how many of them did he win?

That's right, none.

He was once nominated for a Golden Globe,

that's about as close as he got, but...

EGOT. Some people have won them all.

Can you name anyone who's won them all?

Barbra Streisand?

Yes, Barbra Streisand is an example,

Whoopi Goldberg's another one,

John Gielgud, Harry Belafonte.

A few people have but not, sadly,

Philip Michael Thomas.

Well done, well spotted - and back

to you, Psmiths, for a choice.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

OK, what will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

He only once scored a goal, in which Liverpool lost.

-I don't know about...

-Mm.

-Next.

"Twice. EG: Thierry Henry."

-Mmm...

-How many times has he been top goal scorer?

Erm...

Next.

Oh, it was....

Must have been Golden Boot, wasn't it?

THEY TALK INDISTINCTLY

-Four times.

-So, maybe four times, Cristiano...

-Yeah.

Four times, Cristiano Ronaldo.

Is the right answer.

And why is that? What is the sequence?

Is it the number of times they have won

either the Golden Boot or the Ballon d'Or?

It's the Soulier d'Or,

it's European Golden Shoe,

or Golden Boot, that's right,

number of goals scored in Europe

in a particular season.

This is at time of recording,

I'm reliably informed that

one of these people

may win it for 2016.

I hope it's Ian Rush.

I'm not a big football follower,

but at time of recording,

Cristiano Ronaldo has won four times,

so he would be the fourth in the sequence. Well done.

Verbivores, the last choice for you.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

What would be the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER INDISTINCTLY

Next.

It's going to be... Yeah, erm....

Well, Churchill was Home Secretary way before then, wasn't he?

Could be...

Do we need the next person?

He could be the same person, I mean, I'm guessing,

-like, it's Churchill, Chamberlain. Do we need one more?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Next.

-Churchill?

-Yes, '40 to '45.

-Was he '45, was he? Yeah?

1940 to '45, um, Prime Minister.

Is the right answer.

And why is that?

We think it's posts held by Winston Churchill.

That's right, it's the Cabinet positions of Winston Churchill.

What accounts for this gap,

1922-1924?

He took a gap year? I don't know!

Well in a way, rather sadly,

in 1922, he lost his seat,

which was Oldham.

He'd had severe appendicitis

and was not really visible to anybody

until a couple of days before the election,

and then he campaigned in a wheelchair

and people didn't like it.

He lost his seat and there's this rather poignant quote

where he said he was, "Without an office, without a seat,

"without a party and even without an appendix."

-Aw!

-Rather sad.

Winston Churchill though,

Prime Minister, 1940 to '45. Well done.

Back to you, then,

for the final question, the Horned Viper.

What will be the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

"Elder daughter improvises music."

HE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

Next.

"Mother and a younger daughter." Is it...

Sounds like a scene from a language textbook.

Yeah.

-Want to get the fourth one?

-Next.

-Oh!

-Oh, it's from the Simpsons,

they all rush into the sitting room together

-and sit down on the couch.

-Erm...

Or he's writing out lines on the blackboard.

Son is writing out lines on the blackboard.

Son is writing out lines on the blackboard.

You're absolutely right.

What is this sequence?

-It is the opening credits of a Simpsons.

-Yes, it is.

The last one in this sequence would be Bart Simpson

writing lines on a school blackboard. Well done.

That means at the end of Round Two,

the Verbivores are up to nine points,

the Psmiths have 11.

Time now for our hideous Connecting Wall,

in which 16 clues are all jumbled up and the teams have to sort them

into four connected groups of four.

Your turn to go first this time, Psmiths,

so please choose Lion or Water.

Water, please.

OK, you have two and half minutes to sort the Water wall

into four connected groups, starting now.

-Foreign Secretaries.

-Oh, yes. Carrington.

-Major...

-BUZZ

-So, we missed out Major.

-Miss out Cook.

-BUZZ

Miss out Hammond.

BUZZ

-And miss out straw.

-Straw.

BUZZ

-OK. Erm....

-Miss out Carrington.

Yeah, well done.

Um...

-Towns?

-Chadwell Heath...

Chadwell Heath... Is it a Tube station on Central line?

Oh, no, these are

football training grounds.

Oh, well done.

Three strikes and you're out now.

You've got plenty of time.

Last Hurrah, last Post, last Word...

Last minute.

What else does that give us?

Malta, Mach...

These are things symbolised

-by the letter M.

-1,000.

Yeah, M thousand.

M in Roman numerals.

OK, let's go with that.

You've solved the wall. Very well and calmly done.

So that's four points immediately for the groups you found.

There are four points available for the connections,

and bonus points if you get it all right.

So the first blue group - Major, Hammond, Cook, Straw.

Recent Foreign Secretaries.

-Recent, did you say?

-Yes.

Well, they've certainly all been Foreign Secretary, so have a point.

Recent by my standards, yes.

What about the green group - Carrington, Cobham,

Chadwell Heath, Melwood?

These are the training grounds of Premiership football teams.

It's another football question.

You know what I'm going to ask, don't you?

Is Carrington Manchester United?

-Yes.

-Chadwell Heath is West Ham.

-Yes, it is.

-Melwood, Liverpool.

-Very good.

-Cobham, Chelsea.

Excellent.

They are all Premier League football training grounds.

What about the next group - Malta, Motorway, Mach,

or "mash" or "meck", and 1,000?

They're all symbolised by the letter M.

They can be represented by the letter M.

And the last turquoise group, starting "Post", what's that?

It is literally the last.

It is. Last group, last post, last hurrah, last-minute, last word.

So, on top of your four group points,

you get four connecting points, and two for getting it all right.

That is the maximum of ten.

Let's bring in the Verbivores now, give them a new Connecting Wall.

16 different clues but the same principle -

they need sorting into four connected groups of four.

Welcome in, Verbivores.

You're going to be getting the Lion wall, the Water's been taken.

You have 2.5 minutes to solve it, starting now.

Guantanamo Bay, Hudson Bay...

Hudson Bay, yeah.

Bantry Bay and San Quentin. Try that.

-BUZZ

-No... Carson Bay?

Or have I made that up?

What's False? What can that be?

It could be decree absolute or something.

January, March, October.

Oh, yes, nice one!

So, we've got December,

so let's try that one.

-BUZZ

-No. Have we got June?

We've got June.

OK, so...

I'm sure you're right with bays.

Will we try some others?

What was it? Hudson Bay,

-Bantry Bay...

-Guantanamo.

Ha Long Bay, is that one?

-BUZZ

-No.

That could be a bay, couldn't it?

-Ha Long Bay.

-We tried Ha Long Bay.

-Rikers?

-Rikers Bay.

BUZZ

Yeah, we don't really know, do we?

So what else have we got?

Lurch, False...

Carson, is it Carson the jockey?

Is it the former presenter of that American chat show?

-Attica, is that a part of Greece?

-Yes.

Pat Jennings, the goalkeeper,

or there's the guy who won

all that money on Jeopardy.

You've got a minute left.

So, what's...?

I keep looking at False.

What could that...?

This is going to be False something,

like a false friend,

or something like that.

-30 seconds.

-I think we might as well

try for these bays.

Hudson Bay, Guantanamo Bay,

Bantry Bay.

That one?

-BUZZ

-We tried that one, didn't we?

False...

BUZZ

BUZZ

That's only going to be a bay.

Hudson might be something else.

Ten seconds now.

-San Quentin?

-San Quentin. Nah.

BUZZ

And you're out of time.

But you found a group, so a point immediately for that,

and I'll give you another if you can tell me what connects

Decree, Junta, Janitor, Octopus.

They begin with an abbreviation of a month.

That's absolutely right.

Dec, Jun, Jan, Oct hidden at the beginning.

And you can still get points for the connections in the groups

you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

There we go. Carson, Jennings, Lurch, Hudson.

Are they characters in Downton Abbey?

I'm afraid they are not.

One of them is. "Oh, Carson."

Is it going to be butlers?

They're all butlers, but too late, I'm afraid.

Yes, Jennings is the butler in Gosford Park, played by Alan Bates.

Lurch, who's Lurch?

Oh, it's the Addams Family, isn't it?

In the Addams Family, exactly.

And Hudson is actually Upstairs, Downstairs, not Downton Abbey.

All butlers.

And the pink group, False, Bantry, Ha Long, Guantanamo.

-It's got to be bays.

-Yeah, they must be the bays.

Those are the bays. You really struggled with False.

-It's near Cape Town.

-Yes, that's the only word I thought couldn't

-have been a bay, False Bay, but...

-Yes, False Bay in South Africa,

I'm afraid it is.

And the last group - Attica, Rikers, San Quentin, Marion.

Are they prisons?

They are American prisons, that's absolutely right.

So one point for the group that you found and three for the connections.

That is a total of four points.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The Verbivores have 13 points, the Psmiths have 21.

So you've got some catching up to do, Verbivores,

but it is possible in our fast Round Four,

the missing vowels round.

This time the teams can lose points for a wrong answer.

We've taken the vowels out

of well-known names, phrases and sayings.

We've squidged up the consonants and you must tell me

what are the disguised clues.

I'm going to tell you the connections

in advance of each group. Fingers on buzzers.

The first four are all...

-Verbivores?

-Good Friday.

Correct.

-Verbivores?

-Good Vibrations.

Correct.

-Verbivores?

-Good Housekeeping.

Correct.

-Verbivores?

-The Good Samaritan.

Yes, it is. Next category...

-Verbivores?

-Great Yarmouth.

Yes, it is.

-Psmiths?

-Great Expectations.

There you go.

-Psmiths?

-Great Barrier Reef.

Correct.

-Psmiths?

-The Great British Bake Off.

Correct. Next category...

-Verbivores?

-Box Junction.

Correct.

-Verbivores?

-Pandora's box.

Correct.

Psmiths?

Black box flight recorder.

Yes, it is.

-Psmiths?

-Sky Red Box.

I'm afraid not, you lose a point. Verbivores, do you know?

Sexy Red Box?

It's not, but you don't lose a point. It's six-yard box.

Next category...

-Verbivores?

-Lithuania.

Correct.

-Verbivores?

-Burkina Faso.

Correct.

END OF ROUND MUSIC

No time to tell me that last one, which is Sierra Leone,

because the bell has gone for the end of the quiz.

Looking at the final scores,

the Verbivores have an excellent 22 points,

the Psmiths have 24.

So congratulations, you are through to Round Two, very good quizzing.

Verbivores, You may be coming back later in our new highest-scoring

loser round later in the competition. In the meantime,

thank you very much for playing, and thank you for joining us.

If you're the sort of person who watches the show on your phone,

I can only hope that you weren't interrupted

by too many friends calling.

Except of course you weren't,

because you're the sort of person who watches quizzes on your phone.

Goodbye.