Surrealists v Korfballers Only Connect

Hello. Sorry if I'm looking a bit the worse for wear,

I mixed my drinks at the preshow party.

Turns out that cream sherry does not sit well with a pint of my own

home-made bathtub turnip moonshine.

So, no more sherry for me.

Oof!

On my right, Jeremy Partington.

A geography graduate who,

while attending the 60th anniversary of the D-Day landing,

found himself inexplicably involved in the medal ceremony.

Chris James, a software developer

whose greatest wish is to invent a time machine,

travel back to the 1970s and watch a set by the legendary

comedian Norman Collier.

And their captain, Jonathan Carter.

A civil servant who came third

in a national geography quiz and was given an award by Michael Fish.

United by a willingness to be weird,

they are the Surrealists.

So you've done very well on your trip here. You've had several wins.

Most recently against the Verbivores.

How have you been decompressing between games?

Well, we went back and read Is There A Text In This Class

and it turns out the answer's no.

Excellent. That was a tough group.

That was one tough group.

You are facing this evening, on my left,

Taissa Csaky - a museums interpretation planner

who once steered a tall ship safely into Cardiff Harbour.

Niall Sheekey, a librarian,

who shares a birthday with Joss Stone and is named after a renowned

architect and Joycean scholar.

And their captain, Michael Jelley.

A maths graduate who has co-devised a mathematical theorem called

the Bowler-Jelley theorem.

United by a soft spot for sport,

they are the Korfballers.

You won your last game against the Fire-Eaters.

There was a bit of fighting talk before that match.

How competitive are you feeling tonight?

Well, I've conferred with the team

and we are still prepared to do literally anything to win.

Excellent. But what if we made a note of that last time and we've got

literally anything ready?

Well, then we'll hopefully be prepared.

Let's get on with the quiz.

Now, Surrealists, you won the toss,

but you've decided to put the Korfballers in first.

So, Michael, please choose a hieroglyph.

Two Reeds, please.

Now, the Two Reeds requires you to climb into a bath of green mould

and find the hidden mathematical theorems within it.

-Again?

-What links these pictures?

Here's the first.

-Shelley.

-OK.

Next, please.

That's a ray.

Sting?

Fish.

Next, please.

Oh, Lord.

-Was that supposed to happen?

-Yes.

-That's odd.

-Kate Moss.

Kate Moss. Catherine Thomas.

Is that four Kates?

-I think it's Kates.

-Four Kates.

Next, please.

Steak.

Three seconds.

They're all anagrams of each other.

They're all anagrams of each other.

What are we looking at?

We are looking at Keats, it turns out,

rather than Shelley. A skate.

-That's right.

-Kates. And some steak.

That's absolutely right -

Keats, Kates, Skate, Steak.

They are all anagrams of each other.

Well spotted. Back to you, Surrealists, for a choice.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

OK. What connects these clues?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

Next, please.

Defra...

Rural affairs, environment and rural affairs.

TV is there.

-Defra...

-Next, please.

Nope.

Open?

Three seconds.

Anything?

Nothing? OK.

There is a possible bonus chance

for the Korfballers.

Are they all words that have been extended?

No, although you started in

the right area - it is a word one.

And it is to do with contracting them.

They all start with three

consecutive letters.

T-U-V, H-I-J, D-E-F, N-O-P.

What's good is that due to the

blossoming of quizzes in the world,

particularly Pointless, I think,

Tuvalu is now so familiar.

They don't think, that's a weird

word, what's going on?

When you are looking at the letters,

you're thinking of the things you know about that place.

So nobody spotted that one.

I did like it, by the way, that during the Kates question you said,

was that supposed to happen?

After a while on Only Connect,

on our sort of wonky sets and dodgy cameramen, people start going,

is this deliberate? Is any of this meant to be happening?

Is it a mistake? But no, it's all real.

Back to you, Korfballers, for a choice.

-What would you like?

-I think we'll have the Lion, please.

Why not? What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

In red.

Pink-ish.

Next, please.

-OK, so that's blue.

-Are these...

-A change?

-Flamin' hot...

-Would that be something to do with Burger King, or McCains, or...

-Oh!

Yeah, flamin' Burger King.

Next, please.

Oh, yeah, so that's a crisp flavour.

Monster Munch flavours.

Yes, it's not a secret, is it?

We think they are flavours of Monster Munch

in the colours of the packets.

Well, I'll take that, but there is

something I'd rather have heard

than the colours of the packets.

The colours of the monsters on the packets.

The monsters, absolutely right. The creatures.

You didn't need to see the big orange one at the end there,

pickled onion. But, yes.

What's this going...

What's happening in brackets here?

The monster is retired and moved on.

The yellow monster's now in charge of pickled onion.

That's right, the monsters were

originally employees

of Smiths Crisps,

and they were later rehired by Walkers.

And some of them changed a bit.

The blue monster lost his hat,

the yellow monster took over

the pickled onion brief

of the orange monster

when they changed jobs.

That's what's going on there.

But well remembered, we love those guys.

Surrealists, what would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax, OK.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

Anything?

What's dry bob? Yeah, but what's dry bob?

I think we'd better have one more.

Next, please.

Just do it.

Yeah?

-They all went to Eton.

-They are old Etonians.

Very well done.

You didn't need to see the last one,

Commander James Bond,

who was removed during the first

year for various nefarious things.

That's absolutely right. When did you recognise it?

I think Chris had it after Captain Hook.

I think you did. Are you familiar

with the term dry bob?

-No, not at all.

-Dry bob means

that you don't row.

That's what that means at Eton.

At most schools, you don't row!

But at Eton, if you don't row,

you get a special name, dry bob.

And Captain James Hook,

ironically, was one of those.

The others, all old Etonians. Well done.

-Korfballers, what would you like?

-The Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper. OK. Ah, it's the music question.

What connects these clues?

Here's the first.

# As time goes by... #

Next, please.

# ..Under the covers,

# And I guess that's why they call it the blues... #

Elton John.

Next, please.

# Let me rock you, Chaka Khan

# Let me rock you, that's all I wanna do

-# Chaka Khan, let me rock you... #

-I Feel For You.

# Let me rock you, cos I feel for you... #

Blues?

Next, please.

# La da dee da da da da, da da... #

-It must be names of band members.

-Three seconds.

-Yes, I think so.

-Is it bracketed number ones

and they've got two sets of brackets?

It's a good guess, but that does not

apply to all the clues, I'm afraid.

So there is a bonus opportunity for the Surrealists.

They all feature harmonica parts.

I need to hear something

more than that for a bonus point.

Stevie Wonder playing the harmonica.

Very well done, they all feature

Stevie Wonder guesting on the harmonica.

What are the songs?

The last one was Annie Lennox,

There's an Orchestra of Angels. Playing With My Heart...

There Must Be An Angel.

There Must Be An Angel,

(Playing With My Heart).

The Elton John one was, Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues.

I Feel For You. Chaka Khan,

the last one. Rufus and Chaka Khan.

I Feel For You,

just Chaka Khan on her own.

First one, As Time Goes By, covered

by Carly Simon with Stevie Wonder

on the harmonica.

So, well done, you get the bonus and you get your own question.

Water. What is the connection between these Water clues.

Here's the first.

Anything?

Next, please.

Anything? Next, please.

Poly. With poly in front.

Polymath.

They can all be preceded by poly, P-O-L-Y,

to give you the answer underneath.

-The definition.

-Yeah.

-Very well done.

You didn't need to see the last one,

which hinted at Polynesia, the subregion of Oceania.

Very well done. Well spotted.

Polyp - an abnormal growth.

You get them in your nose

if you have breathing disorders.

I think I share with many Only Connecters.

Terrible history with polyps.

Oh, I'm a slave to my polyps.

Polymath - a Renaissance man,

which we hope we have many of here.

Man in the more general sense, of course.

Polymnia -

what can you tell me about that?

It's presumably a love of a muse.

-What sort of muse?

-An artist's muse, I presume.

One of the original nine Muses

in Greek mythology.

That's absolutely right. Well done.

That means, at the end of round one, the Korfballers have 3 points,

and the Surrealists have 5.

On to Round Two, the sequences round.

You sneeze a lot, you get polyps -

that's the sort of sequence I'm talking about.

Korfballers, you'll be going first again. Which question

-would you like?

-The Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

OK, what would you expect to come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

THEY MUTTER

Is it F: Australia?

It is not F: Australia.

Good gamble, but not the right answer,

so I'm going to show the third

in the sequence to the Surrealists

for a possible bonus point.

Haven't got that long.

I can't give you long.

F: New Zealand.

Not it. It's F: Belgium.

What do you think the sequence is?

Well, we did think it was

the England World Cup run in 2005...

2003, sorry.

And now we think it might be tennis.

It is tennis. It is the 2015

Davis Cup opponents of Britain.

And in the final, they were up against Belgium.

How did they get on against Belgium?

-They won.

-They won. The first time

they'd won the Davis Cup since 1936.

Excellent. That's why

you should have remembered it.

So, no points there, but Surrealists,

you may choose a question.

Two Reeds, please.

Two Reeds. What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY MUTTER

Next, please.

I don't know why it's two of four.

What's the sequence?

Try the next one.

Next one, please.

THEY CONFER

It would be N-something.

Three seconds.

Four of four: U-u-n,

large U and then small u-n.

Not the right answer, I'm afraid.

So, Korfballers,

you have the chance of a bonus.

H? H?

We think 4 of 4: U-u-h.

That's not it, either. What do you

think the sequence is, over there?

Chemical elements for the ones, transuranic ones, but I don't know.

That's right. They're elements that

have been added to the periodic table.

At time of recording,

they simply have the names 113-ium,

115-ium, and so on.

And the last one is 4 of 4: U-u-o,

because we're translating numbers

into Latin, and 118-ium,

ununoctium, Uuo.

It reminds you of the Tom Lehrer song.

Do you know the Tom Lehrer song?

Not well enough to sing it!

"These are the only ones of which

"the news has come to Harvard,

"And there may be many others,

"but they haven't been DISCARVARD."

The Elements Song, and these are new

elements not yet permanently named.

Korfballers, what would you like next?

I think we'll revert to type and have the Lion, please.

The Lion, OK. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

-Is she...?

-She's done other things as well.

No, no, really?

INDISTINCT

-Who played the most recent one?

-Oh, it's Halley Berry.

-Ann Hathaway.

-Is the right answer.

Well done. What are we looking at?

We are looking at various stages of Catwoman.

That's absolutely right. Well, not necessarily stages,

these are all Catwomen.

They are the four people to play

Catwoman in live action cinema

release films and the next would be Anne Hathaway.

Well done.

Which is the best Catwoman?

-Anne Hathaway.

-Really?

Michelle Pfeiffer.

Obviously, Michelle Pfeiffer!

Possibly Lee Meriwether.

She was a great Catwoman.

You're too young.

I'm also too young by the way,

I've just seen old repeats,

that's all that is!

Surrealists, what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

With population... It's population.

California is the most populous state.

Yeah?

First, Alaska, California.

Well done, that is the right answer,

and why?

So, the state on the top is going backwards in order of size,

so it finishes with the largest

and the state underneath is going upwards

in size of population, so it finishes with the most populous.

That's right. So they are sizes

of American States going backwards

and the top one is the size geographically

and the lowest one by population.

Alaska for example, like my last

birthday party, huge with no people.

And California is full of people,

but not as big.

Very well calculated.

Well done to you.

Korfballers, what would you like next?

-The Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax, OK.

These are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here is the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Next, please.

So is it just the decreasing...?

Is it going to be the microscope?

Is it a magnifying glass, possibly with the letter I in it?

It is a magnifying glass

with the letter I in it.

Very well done.

What are we looking at?

Concentric parts of the QI logo.

That is absolutely right.

We are going into the QI roundel.

Do you know what features in

these images of the outer circles?

I'm sure they are extremely clever people's writings.

Well, it depends on your point of view.

The first one is the Dead Sea Scrolls.

That's in that circle.

Then Newtonian scientific formulae, and then clue three, that white one,

that's an astrological clock going in

towards the QI logo of the "i" in the middle. Well done.

Surrealists, one question remains.

It is Water again.

What would you expect to see fourth in this sequence?

Here is the first.

Next, please.

Is it something with one...

-Try another one.

-Sure?

Yeah, OK.

Yeah?

-D'Artagnan.

-And why would that be?

Because he has one sword.

I will accept that answer,

even though I expect D'Artagnan

probably has millions of swords.

If you mean the one primary sword -

one at a time, often the rule, with swords. That is the right answer.

Very well done.

Can you describe the recuperation card in the tarot?

-Must have four...

-Don't know!

It's a knight with one sword, but three swords hanging above.

The flag of Essex, three Saxon swords.

And what about battlefield on an Ordnance Survey map?

Two crossed swords. Exactly.

And something with one sword, like

the Statue of Justice or D'Artagnan,

or me when I'm in

an old-fashioned mood. One sword.

Something with one sword is correct.

That means at the end of Round Two the Korfballers have eight points.

The Surrealists have 11.

Time now for the Connecting Wall and, Surrealists,

you will be going first, this time, so please choose Lion or Water.

-Lion, please.

-OK,

you have two and a half minutes to solve the Lion wall, starting now.

I think the theme is Calypso, so...

BUZZ

-So was Nestor.

-Which one?

-Nestor.

BUZZ

BUZZ

Fuchsia pink, coral pink, shocking pink...

oyster? No,

cos I think that is a card.

Octopus pink?

BUZZ

-Oyster card... Which is a card? Get Me There"?

-Yeah.

And your Oyster card.

No.

Navigo?

-Try octopus.

-Oh, yes, that rings a bell.

-Calypso rings a bell, actually.

-Try that.

Three lives now.

Travelcards and pinks.

-We've got...

-So we've got Polyphemus and Circe...

All from the Odyssey.

-So is Nestor.

-So what's Santeria and Ackee?

-These are Jamaican...

-That's Caribbean.

Is it Jamaican or Cuban?

Caribbean.

That's Caribbean, that's Caribbean.

-That's Caribbean.

-That's a kind of fish.

Go on, then.

We think that's the Odyssey.

What's...?

What are we going to say for this? From the Caribbean.

-What is Ackee?

-It's a fish.

You solved the wall, very well done.

That is an immediate four points.

What about the connections?

Tell me about the blue group.

Coral, oyster, shocking, fuchsia.

They are all types of pink.

They are all types of pink.

And what about the green one, starting Navigo?

-They are forms of travel card.

-Electronic travelcards.

That's right. Smart travelcards from around the world.

And what about the next group, starting Nausicaa?

They are in Homer's Odyssey.

They are characters in the Odyssey.

Absolutely right. And the last turquoise group, starting Santeria?

They come from the Caribbean.

They are all from the Caribbean.

Four points for the groups you found,

four more for the connections and the bonus for getting it all right.

That is the maximum of ten, very well done.

Let's bring in the Korfballers and give them the other Connecting Wall

and see what they can do about finding the hidden groups.

It will be the Water wall for you, the Lion has been taken.

You have got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Frink is a sculptor.

He is also a fictional professor.

Oh, OK.

-And Van Helsing?

-Van Helsing.

Shall we start with those?

Yeah.

INDISTINCT

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-Shall we try the Romans?

Or Consul... There's lots of them. Try the actual...

-BUZZ

-Nope.

What else is a centurion, then?

Shuttles, challengers?

-Paper chase, paper tiger, paper trail.

-Yeah, lovely.

-Paperclips.

So there are five of those.

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

Three lives now.

So, fictional professors. We've done...

INDISTINCT

-..we didn't look for?

-Yes, we did.

-OK.

Which...?

We need to get those three.

INDISTINCT

-Let's get your...

-So which would you...?

Let's try these professors again.

I think Centurion, Tiger and Challenger are...

BUZZ

So, we've missed out those two each.

So let's try missing out Frink.

BUZZ

So we're just going to go for Van Helsing?

Is there anything you can think of?

30 seconds.

What's the film called with Van Helsing?

-Dracula.

-Interview With A Vampire.

Let's just put them in and be ready to press.

Ten seconds.

No, that's your third life.

The wall has frozen.

But you found two groups, so that's two points immediately.

What about the connections?

Tell me about the first blue group, starting Praetor.

They are officers in the Roman army.

I'm sorry, they are Roman officials, but not in the military.

Aedile was actually a magistrate,

Consul was also a magistrate. I think a Legate is in the army,

but they are not all military, just Roman officials.

What about the green group? Clip, chase, money, trail.

They can all be preceded by "paper".

That's right.

Paperclip, paper chase, paper money and paper trail

And you can still get points for the

connections in the groups you didn't find.

So, let's resolve the wall. There we go.

Centurion, Tiger, Abrams, Merkava

Er...

Strange versions of world leaders.

Strange versions of world leaders?

Do you know, in a weird way, it almost is world leaders.

They are military tanks.

So if you are going to say that the weaponry rules us all,

which I'm not going to say, I can't give you the points,

they are various types of military tanks.

And the turquoise group? Challenger, Langdon, Van Helsing, Frink.

I think they are fictional professors.

They are all fictional professors.

So, you found two groups and two connections,

that is a total of four.

Let's have a look at the overall scores.

But of course, this is our new format where somebody goes

to the semifinal and nobody goes home, so none of this matters.

With that in mind, let's play Missing Vowels.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group are all varieties of sunflower.

Correct.

Lovely.

Yes, it is.

What a lovely group. The next category,

films with a word changed for its opposite.

Correct.

Correct.

Not it, I'm afraid.

To be an opposite it must be Mary Popp-OUTS.

Next clue.

Yes, it is.

Next category.

Correct.

Well done.

Yes, it is.

Correct.

END OF SHOW JINGLE

There will be no new category

because the bell has gone for the end of the quiz

and after a rather impressive Round Four, I can tell you that

the winners and straight through to the semifinals with 26 points are

the Surrealists. Very well done.

In second place with 17, it's the Korfballers.

But of course, you are not going home, nobody ever goes home now,

welcome to the Hotel California.

Thank you very much for watching

and I am terribly sorry about those weird noises from my stomach

during the wall round.

I made the mistake of trying to improve my hangover by having

a knocklewurst from the German cold cut platter at lunch.

I'm actually going to go off now and have another one.

That will sort me out.

Like getting a second bang on the head in a cartoon.

Goodbye.