Meeples v Belgophiles Only Connect

Good evening. Is there life after death?

Do our souls go on into heaven?

Is it possible we pass into a sort of purgatory,

still leaving a footprint on reality?

Or when we pass on, is it absolute? Do we cease to be?

Is there nothing but dust?

At which point, the man from Natwest Online Banking said that

the security question could only be a maximum of 18 characters.

I just went with my first pet's name.

But there are no restrictions on the complexity of the questions

we ask here at Only Connect, and God knows no limit to the characters.

Let's meet the teams.

On my right, Tom West,

a practising solicitor who once performed a can-can wearing

only leather hot-pants, a bow tie and fake cobwebs.

Hugh Trimble, an English graduate who's been pushed through

a glass door by his sister.

The team captain, Gail Trimble,

a classics lecturer who once lectured Boris Johnson on how

classical poetry might help him to run London better.

United by a fascination for board game figurines,

they are the Meeples.

Now, you won your opening heat against the Tequila Slammers.

How are you feeling about tonight's game?

Well, we felt a bit put through the wringer by that one,

so we're hoping tonight will be a bit less stressful.

You will be facing, on my left...

Helen Fasham, a keen musician who plays the clarinet, bassoon,

cello, piano, guitar and recorder.

Phil Small, a pharmaceutical worker with a degree in molecular

and cellular biochemistry who won a colouring

competition for his portrait of He-Man.

And their captain, Ben Fasham, a modern languages graduate who

has survived car crashes in Morocco, Nigeria and Rwanda.

United by a taste for Tintin, they're the Belgophiles.

Now, you beat the Lapsed Physicists.

What do you think about tonight's opposition?

We're massively respectful of their quiz credentials,

but we're hoping to get the wringer out.

Well, you won the toss, you'll be going first.

I like it, it's two family teams, there's real tension in the studio.

-What hieroglyph would you like first?

-Eye of Horus, please.

What is the connection between these apparently random picture clues?

Here's the first...

THEY CONFER

Next.

Bee, monks, a bumblebee, bumble...

Bumble, monks, OK...

-Next?

-OK, next.

-That's Richard Dawkins.

-That's Dawkins. Erm...

-Erm...

What did he write?

Selfish Gene? Blind Watchmaker?

-God Delusion?

-God Delusion.

-Next.

-Next.

Two seconds... BELL RINGS

Erm, the sweet stuff.

Lovely... But no!

Possible bonus chance

for you, Meeples.

-No.

-Unless the...

No, genes...

Erm, they all have something to do with genes.

I mean, we all have something

to do with genes, don't we?

That's very true.

What do you recognise?

Er, some monks, bees...

Mm-hm, Bumble. Monks, Bumble...

Monks, Bumble...

Dawkins. And what's happening

in the last picture?

-Dancing?

-Chubby Checker there doing the twist.

Monks, Bumble, Dawkins, Twist.

They're characters

in the novel Oliver Twist!

Mr Bumble the beadle, Dawkins,

that's the name of the Artful Dodger, Jack Dawkins.

Oliver Twist, of course.

Monks, well, he's not

in the musical, Monks.

I think he's Oliver's half-brother.

There's something in the will where if Oliver becomes a criminal, he

doesn't get the money, so Monks

is a very sinister chap who pays

Fagin to criminalise the boy

to get his hands on some money.

Monks, Bumble, Dawkins, Twist,

all characters in Dickens'

Oliver Twist.

No bonus point, then, Meeples,

but your own question. What would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first...

-Do you know what Bernanos is?

-No.

-No, OK, next.

Well, where does home...?

Yeah, there's also, there's the band.

Oh, yeah, there is. OK, fine. Erm, next.

Ooh...

Song Of Oneself? No.

No, that's something else entirely.

-Erm...

-THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next.

-Hell is...

-Yeah.

-Yeah, OK.

-BELL RINGS

-Hell is...

They are definitions of hell.

You recognised that last one,

L'enfer, c'est les autres.

Do you recognise any of the other clues?

No, not even now.

"Hell is oneself", probably true if

you're TS Eliot, that was his quote.

Hell Is Home is a song by Judas Priest, 2001 song.

And, "To love no longer",

George Bernanos,

a French philosophical writer.

All definitions of hell.

What would you like next,

-Belgophiles?

-Horned Viper, please.

OK.

-It's the music question.

-Great.

Sighing with pleasure.

You will be hearing your clues,

they all have something in common, what is it?

The time starts now.

CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

-I don't know what that is.

-OK. Next.

# Musical demon Set your honey a-dreamin'

# Won't you play me some rag? #

Next.

BIG BAND JAZZ PLAYS

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

-Next.

-# Oh, my love... #

-Oh, that's...

-Unchained Melody.

-Unchained Melody, so melodies?

-Unchained Melody...

-Chains?

-Chains?

-Righteous Brothers?

What about brothers?

-Don't know.

-Chains.

-Yeah, I don't know, so...

BELL RINGS

-Chains.

-I'm afraid that's not it.

Bonus chance again for you, Meeples.

-Melodies.

-I'm afraid you jumped

the wrong way, it is melodies.

-What did we hear?

-Well, the last one was Unchained Melody.

-Mm-hm.

Erm, yeah, I mean the second one sounded like it was also

talking about being music but, no, we don't really know.

The first one,

Melody In F, Rubinstein.

Play A Simple Melody was the second one, Irving Berlin.

And the third one, Broadway Melody, from the film.

Did you know that Irving Berlin

only liked to use the black keys

on the piano, so most of his pieces were in F sharp?

He said once, "The key of C

"is for people who study music."

All melodies, well done.

And you get your own choice

of question, what's it to be?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first...

That was Arthur Sullivan's brother. No, he was...

OK, we don't know who he is. Next.

Erm, there's like pesto secco or something...

-Yeah, OK.

-Next.

Yes, not pret-a-manger?

They're all... Are they all like trans...?

-Well, yeah, I don't know, it could be.

-Could be.

-Further on?

-Shall I just go for next? Yeah, OK, next.

-The opposite way. They look like pop groups, don't they?

-Yeah, they do.

Two seconds.

BELL RINGS

It's the opposite.

Er, Hugh.

It's the opposite. Eve the Ants, it's like Adam and the Ants.

-It's the opposite.

-Dried is

the opposite of paste, of course.

Absolutely, cos you have to have

wet paste, otherwise it's just...

It can't exist.

Nice try, but I'm afraid

I can't accept it.

Belgophiles, your chance for a bonus.

We haven't got one.

I said nobody would get this,

I thought this was really difficult.

I hoped someone would get it

so I wouldn't have to explain it.

They are pairs of balancing phrases,

but we've taken out the joint bit.

So, Adam and Eve, Adam and the Ants.

Take out Adam Ant,

you get Eve the Ants.

Gilbert and George,

Gilbert and Sullivan.

Cut and dried, cut and paste.

Rough and tumble, rough and ready.

Take out the matching bit,

that's what's left behind,

a fiendish word puzzle.

So you don't get the bonus, Belgophiles,

-but what would you like next?

-Water, please.

-The Water question.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first...

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next.

Words with a lot of similar letters.

-I can't think of anything.

-Yeah, OK. Next.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

-Is it they're not allowed to... Not allowed to vote?

-No way, no.

Not allowed to take...

-There's something they're not allowed to do.

-OK. Next.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Two seconds. BELL RINGS

Er, they are not allowed to play the lottery.

Au pairs, not allowed to play

the lottery? That would be cruel.

Good guess, but I'm afraid

that's not the answer.

Meeples, you can have a go for a bonus point?

Are they all exempt from jury service?

That would be a bit harsh if, er,

everyone who was self-employed

could get out of jury service and all employed people couldn't.

Another reasonable guess, but no.

These are people

who are not entitled

to the national living wage.

Minimum wage, people sometimes say,

but erroneously.

Minimum wage is actually technically

if you're 24 and under.

Once you're 25 it's the same thing

but they call it the national

living wage, but, er, all of these

people don't have to get it,

so no bonus points there either.

One question remains - Lion.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first...

Margarine, yellow, sounds like Yellow Submarine. Next.

Well, red four-star petrol.

The colour of the... What's 1948 got to do with it? Next.

Oh, it's... For St Patrick's Day, it's dyed that colour!

-Is it...?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, just... OK.

BELL RINGS

Things that have been dyed the colour that they're appearing in.

Absolutely right, you didn't need

to see the last clue...

What can you tell us about the stories behind these clues?

Well, the Saturday in mid-March must be St Patrick's Day,

or the nearest Saturday they must dye the river green in Chicago.

That's right.

Margarine, I guess, has to be dyed yellow to look more like butter.

And no doubt there's some amazing rationing story about red petrol.

Well, it was that red dye was

put into petrol that could only

be used for commercial vehicles

in the Motor Spirit Act, 1948.

Yes, margarine certainly doesn't have to be dyed yellow,

it was a decision that was taken

in the 19th century

to make it more appetizing

for people to sell more.

By the way, I will be singing

"We all live in a yellow margarine"

for the rest of the night, thank you for that.

And Marge Simpson dyes her hair

with blue dye number 56.

Homer Simpsons said, "She's been

grey as a mule since she was 17."

All dyed the colour of the text, well done.

That means at the end of Round One,

the Meeples have four points,

the Belgophiles are yet to score.

On to Round Two, the sequences round.

What comes fourth in a sequence, I will be asking the teams,

and Belgophiles are going first again.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus, OK.

You'll be seeing the first in a sequence,

I want to know what comes fourth.

The time starts now...

Next.

This is Philip K Dick, Man In The High Castle, is it not?

No, there's no sequence, is there?

Next.

Two seconds. BELL RINGS

Tina Mountain.

I love that guess. Wouldn't you be

-amazed if it was right, though?

-Yes.

I'm afraid it isn't. Meeples,

do you want to have a go for a bonus?

No.

Is this ringing no bells with you?

-Not really.

-No.

Not even the name Dinah?

-No?

-Shore?

The Island Of Adventure,

The Castle Of Adventure,

-The Valley Of Adventure!

-Oh...

Those Enid Blyton books,

the sequence is the adventure

books going forward and the children getting younger.

Jack, Philip, Dinah, Lucy-Ann, and The Sea Of Adventure.

The name Dinah I really thought

was the giveaway one there

because who's called Dinah apart from the girl in the book?

Yes, now, we are going with,

by the way, Enid Blyton enthusiasts

may want to know, Philip's opinion

that Jack is the oldest child.

Philip says he thinks that

Jack is the oldest one,

and we're getting younger as we go through the books.

People at home will have been

shouting at the screen there, I think.

No bonus points, then, Meeples,

but what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first...

Next.

Next.

Two seconds.

BELL RINGS

21.

And why would that be?

It's a number featuring some numbers that are on the screen.

You've not persuaded me

that's a sequence, I'm afraid,

-so Belgophiles, another bonus chance.

-We think it's 1.

The answer is 1,

and why would that be?

This is the history of Central London phone codes

without zero.

That's exactly what it is,

and of course, 020

and 01 was all of London but we're

going through the Central Line.

020, 0171, 071, and going backwards it was previously 01.

You forgot the old adage, when you

don't know in a number question

in a quiz, just say 1! It usually is 1!

But you reasoned correctly, Belgophiles.

Well done, and you get the bonus point.

What question would

you like for yourselves?

-Water, please.

-Water, OK.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first...

Next.

BELL RINGS

-Blair, zero.

-Is the right answer.

Very well done for three points.

What is the sequence?

These are Labour leaders, the number of elections they lost.

That's right, Labour leaders

in order of general elections lost,

and Tony Blair lost none.

Of course, there's other

leaders who didn't lose

an election by virtue of not having contested one.

Margaret Beckett, Keir Hardie...

Various Labour leaders who didn't lose a general election.

Blair is the one that we went with, well done.

Meeples, what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds, OK.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next...

Next...

Two seconds. BELL RINGS

1st - Mary (1920).

And why would that be?

Big ocean liners, we've decided.

I like it, you have a reasoning, but

I'm afraid that's not a sequence.

So, Belgophiles,

you've got another bonus chance.

Winston, 1945.

That would be amazing. But no.

That would require Winston to be the first

child of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, which he is not.

Now, this is fiendish.

It's the Queen's children,

but fourth refers not just to the

number of the child but the name.

So the fourth name of the Queen's

fourth child is Louis, third name of

the third child Christian, second of the second child Elizabeth.

So first, Charles, Prince Charles' first name,

followed by Anne Elizabeth Alice Louise,

Andrew Albert Christian Edward,

and Prince Edward,

the fourth child, his name

is Edward Anthony Richard Louis,

easily remembered

because he has the initials EARL -

The Earl of Wessex. Names of the

Queen's children going towards

1st - Charles.

So again no bonus points, but

Belgophiles, what would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax, how twisted is this one going to be?

They are picture clues.

What sort of thing would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first...

Next.

BELL RINGS

Erm, Desmond Dekker.

-And why would that be?

-We have A-A, B-B there, so D-D.

I'll accept it.

For a perfect answer,

I'd have wanted

a D and a D, for example

Dick and Dom that we went with,

but you've solved the puzzle.

We are looking at Anni-Frid and Agnetha, Bjorn and Benny,

we went with Cheech and Chong

in the third one, and D-D,

so Dick and Dom or Desmond Dekker,

I'm glad you didn't name me

a page three model

going by those measurements.

-Well done.

-Thanks.

There is one question remaining,

and that will go to you, Meeples.

It's the Lion question.

What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first...

Next.

Next.

BELL RINGS

We = All Together.

Is the right answer,

and why is that?

Because I Am The Walrus.

Exactly.

I am he, and you are he, and you are me, and we are all together.

It continues...

See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly?

See how they fly, I'm crying!

Magnificent.

-Would you like to sing it?

-It's not really got a melody at that stage.

Well, it's early in the competition,

I'll let you off.

Very good answer, and that means,

at the end of Round Two,

the Meeples have six points,

the Belgophiles have seven.

Time now for the Connecting Wall. And, Meeples,

it's your turn to go first, so please choose - Lion or Water?

Water, please.

OK, you've got two-and-a-half minutes to solve the Water wall,

starting now.

OK, vinegar, so balsamic, sherry, spirit, and white wine.

So, oh, yeah, exactly, so I'll keep circulating.

BUZZ

Prydz...

Er, Prydz and Guetta and Tong are all DJs,

so's Cox and possibly Oakenfold?

Sherry you got, did you?

There must be another kind of vinegar,

so maybe it's Panam or something.

-OK.

-Panam-A, Chin-A, Malt-A, Tong-A...

OK, erm...

There are airlines, United, Delta...

-Oh, yeah, Delta, American airlines, Frontier?

-Could be, could well be.

And...

-Well done, good work.

-OK, so does that...?

Three lives now.

Cox, Prydz, Guetta and someone else,

Oakenfold, I think, are DJs.

And then that would give you

Kombucha vinegar,

-which is worth a go.

-Yeah, Cox is definitely a DJ,

so are we going to go for DJs?

-Any other ideas?

-Well, you know...

-Not keen on DJs?

-No, no, just...

Well, do the DJs first, yeah, OK.

-Songs and things.

-Right.

It could be electronic artists or something.

You've solved the wall, my goodness!

Like me with a lunch, you made short work of it!

So, four points immediately for the groups, what about the connections?

Chin, Tong, Panam, Malt?

If you put A on the end of them you get the name of a country.

Countries without As - China, Tonga, Panama, Malta.

And the green group, Frontier, United, Delta, Spirit?

-All airlines in the US.

-They are American airlines.

-White wine, Kombucha, I suppose, Balsamic, Sherry?

-Kinds of vinegar.

They are kinds of vinegar, like my lunch -

just different kinds of vinegar!

And the turquoise group - Cox, Guetta... I give up!

-DJs?

-They are club DJs, a specialist subject of yours?

-Er... No.

Better watch him, although it's lovely to see these elderly

-High Court judges discussing popular music.

-What do DJs do?

I literally don't understand what they are,

so I'm glad you used the word DJs, because yes!

So you get all the points for the connections as well,

and the bonus for getting it all right, that is a maximum of ten.

Let's bring in the Belgophiles now, give them the other

Connecting Wall, the Lion wall, see what they can do about solving it.

You have two-and-a-half minutes, starting now.

Right, cities in Italy...

THEY CONFER

-Madeleine's a cake. Fairy cake.

-Fairy cakes...

-Fairy cake...

-Genoa is a cake.

-Genoa cake...

-Dundee cake.

-Dundee.

-Yeah, try those.

OK...

Sly and the Family Stone, Florence and the Machine.

-Doctor and the Medics.

-Katrina and the Waves.

-Yeah...

Venice, Bari, Milan, Rome...

Get them out the way.

-Do you want them out the way?

-Yeah.

Three lives, now, plenty of time.

-Pap, Tang - I think there's a word in here.

-Julie...

Hang on, you can add a letter on the end and you get

something in the NATO phonetic alphabet.

Papa, Tango, Juliet

and probably Romeo.

-Yeah.

-But then, what are the others?

-Italian cities.

-Yeah, got ya.

You've solved the wall, very good. Quick quizzing.

So that's four points immediately for the groups

and I'll give you more if you can tell me the connections -

Genoa, Madeleine, Fairy, Dundee?

-Cakes.

-That's right.

Simply an assortment of different cakes.

Doctor, Florence, Sly, Katrina?

The first words of musical acts that follow on with "and the".

That's right. How would the acts be completed?

Doctor and the Medics. Florence and the Machine.

Sly and the Family Stone. Katrina and the Waves.

Excellent. Do you know the surname of Katrina?

Wave! No.

I wish I hadn't asked you that question, now that I see it's

Leskanich. What year did they win the Eurovision Song Contest?

-'97?

-Yes, but you shouldn't have to think that long!

Every self-respecting quizzer can do every Eurovision win,

going back hundreds of years.

That's right, they are musical acts and the something.

And the next group - the one I always say pink and then

people at home say, "No, it's maroon..."

Add a letter on to the end of it and you get the NATO,

letters in the NATO alphabet.

That's right. So,

Romeo, Papa, Juliet, Tango.

I think sometimes Juliet is spelt with two Ts

but more commonly with one T.

Take the letter off the end to get the NATO alphabet.

And Milan, Ancona, Bari, Venice?

-Cities in Italy.

-They are cities in Italy. Can you be more specific?

-Cities on the sea?

-No...

It doesn't matter, you can have it for cities

but they are actually all regional capitals.

Italian regional capitals.

So that is four more points for the connections,

plus I can give you a bonus of two for getting it all right.

That's the maximum of ten points.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

And if you were shouting, "Yes, yes, best known for their cover

"of Norman Greenbaum's Spirit in the Sky," then perhaps you'd like

to take part in the next series of Only Connect.

Go to...

..to find out how to apply.

But things are neck and neck here,

it will be decided in the missing vowels round.

And when I say it will be decided, I mean nothing will be decided

cos you've both won matches already, you won't be knocked out,

it's all, ultimately, meaningless.

But enjoying ourselves, we've taken the vowels out of well-known names,

phrases and sayings, squidged up the consonants

and I want to know what are the disguised clues.

On the plus side, I will tell you the connections upfront,

on the minus side, if you get it wrong by so much as one letter,

I will take a point away. So, buzz with care.

Fingers on buzzers, teams, the first group are all...

In Dubai.

In Kuala Lumpur.

In London.

In New York City, correct.

Next category...

Next category...

Too long, I'm afraid.

Meeples, do you know?

No, it's a tricky one...

Next clue...

Well spotted.

Next category...

END OF GAME JINGLE

Too late to tell me...

Because the buzzer's gone for the end of the quiz.

And looking at the final scores...

The winners and through to the next round with 22 points are

the Belgophiles.

And also the winners - cos nobody's

going home - with 21 points,

it's the Meeples.

I don't know if you're through to the next round

or stay in this round, or go back to an earlier round,

no-one's explained it to me,

but never mind, we'll be seeing you again, which is great news,

and well done, Belgophiles, on an excellent victory.

Thank you for watching and please join me next time,

for another episode of the quiz so labyrinthine that if a

Minotaur were on one of the teams, then, for once,

I wouldn't be the hairiest person here. Goodnight.