Wanderers v Inquisitors Only Connect

The ghosts of past, present and future

appeared to me again last night.

I've begged them to leave me alone, but they just keep coming.

They're always there.

Around this time of year, it feels like I'm constantly staring

into the hollow eyes of a weird, chilling, mismatched trio.

Let's meet the teams.

On my right, John Payne,

a Surrey University student who buys his clothes

exclusively from charity shops,

Richard Arthur,

a geography and geology teacher

who stood on the Krakatoa volcano while it was erupting,

and their captain, Sanjoy Sen,

a chemical engineer who had a Scottish £10 note

stolen from a hotel safe in Paraguay.

United by a weakness for walking,

they are the Wanderers.

You won your opening heat against the Pedagogues.

-How did that match go?

-Well, we got off to a flying start,

and then the others came back

really strongly in the final round,

so we're just very pleased to be here.

Have you been practising the missing vowels since we saw you last?

We've done our best.

You are facing, this evening, on my left,

Luke Kelly, a European studies graduate

who once said, "Hello, Dolly!" to Dolly Parton in a corridor,

Rob Cumming, a football fanatic

who owns a pet rabbit named Buster,

and their captain, Julia Hobbs,

a travel enthusiast who owns over 200 bottles of nail varnish.

All keen quiz writers,

they are the Inquisitors.

You won your opening heat against the Cricketers.

Was that perfect strategy? Anything you'd do different?

Erm, I think we'll just play the same way we played last time.

We pulled together really well as a team, I thought,

and we'll just see how this goes.

I think we'll do our best to repeat that success.

Well, you've started well cos you've won the toss,

so you'll be going first.

Please choose

an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Lion, please.

-OK.

The Lion question.

It is the music question,

so that will be the first one

of this show.

You'll be hearing the clues.

They have something in common. What is it?

Time starts now.

# You got the money

# But who needs the tension?

# And fear's no cheaper

# On the old age pension

# There's just one thing

-# That I forgot to mention... #

-Next, please.

UP-BEAT MUSIC PLAYS

-That's Baby Elephant Walk.

-OK.

I don't know what it is.

-Another one?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Could it be animals?

HE WHISPERS

Animals? Another one? Next, please.

# Ho, the aim of our patrol

# Is a question rather droll

-# For to march and drill... #

-BELL RINGS

-Elephants.

-The answer is elephants.

I think you knew that quite early on.

After the second one, that was Baby...

I didn't know what the first one was, though, so...

-The first one - Boomtown Rats, Elephant's Graveyard.

-Ah.

-Second one - Baby Elephant Walk.

-Yeah.

And then the third one - the Elephant part

-of The Carnival Of The Animals by Saint-Saens.

-Yeah.

What was the last one?

-From The Jungle Book.

-That's right.

Colonel Hathi's March -

the elephant from The Jungle Book.

Well done for your first point.

Wanderers, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

What is the connection between

these clues? Here's the first.

I know nothing about Apple.

Next, please.

Irvin?

-I haven't got a clue.

-No. Makes sense with the...

-Next.

Oh, it's the font or something.

Is it the font that's used in the...?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shall we try it?

BELL RINGS

Fonts.

The answer is fonts and typefaces.

You didn't need to see the last one.

The Guardian, Guardian Family.

That's right, they are all the fonts

or typefaces used

for the thing above.

Well done.

Inquisitors, your turn again.

The Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus. OK, what is

the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

That's hygge. That's hygge,

-so that's got...

-So, comfy?

Comfort. Comforting. Your comfort.

Yeah, that's good.

-Shall we go for that?

-BELL RINGS

We're going to say comfort.

That is not really

an acceptable answer,

looking at the wording of the clues.

I can't give it to you, I'm afraid.

I'm going to show the next two to the Wanderers

for a possible bonus point.

Schadenfreude. Oh, it's all,

-like, German words.

-Yeah.

These are all German words

that are used in English.

They are all translations

of the concepts behind German words.

What are the words?

-BOTH:

-Schadenfreude.

And three other German words.

-Yes.

-Wanderlust is the third one.

Yes, wanderlust is the third one.

Fourth one - Schadenfreude,

malicious enjoyment of another's misfortunes.

What we feel when our opponents in a quiz

don't get a point, it's passed over

for the bonus - what we feel there.

State of wellbeing in a cosy environment.

Yes, I heard you thinking about the hygge in Danish.

Gemutlichkeit in German.

And the first one,

magnificent - Kummerspeck.

Literally grief bacon.

Absolutely delicious.

Just the food one eats

and gaining weight

from emotional overeating.

I saw the road to comfort there,

but it doesn't quite hold for the clues.

So, much Schadenfreude for you,

and a point,

and you may choose a question.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax.

What is the connection

between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

"British TV ads - Bird's Eye Peas."

THEY CONFER

Not sure.

Could be a composer or something.

Next, please.

"Queen's Christmas Speech."

It's the first in colour

-or something.

-Yeah.

-First done in colour?

-Go for colour.

BELL RINGS

First time shown in colour.

First time shot in colour.

Very well done. And the last one -

World Cup finals in Mexico.

Do you know what year that was?

-That was in...

-'70?

-1970, yeah.

1970. Yes, you might see clips

of football matches from before 1970

in colour, but it's either

little clips or amateur stuff,

or it's black and white footage

that was colourised.

The Hitchcock film Rope - that was the first film of

Hitchcock's that was shot in colour.

First British TV ad

was Bird's Eye Peas.

And in 1967, the Queen's Speech

was in colour for the first time.

Well done.

Inquisitors, what would you like?

Two Reeds, please.

Two Reeds. OK, these are

going to be picture clues.

They all have something in common.

Can you winkle it out?

The time starts now.

-Who's that?

-It's Gerald Ford.

-That's Gerald Ford.

-Next? What do you think?

-Next.

Next, please.

-Ooh.

-That's Betty Driver.

-And...?

-Is Betty Ford...?

-Yes!

They're all married to Bettys.

-Let's go for it.

-OK.

BELL RINGS

Married to Bettys.

Very well done, for three points.

They're all married to Bettys.

Two clues you didn't need to see.

Can you talk me through the clues?

So, the first one is Gerald Ford,

who was obviously married to Betty Ford.

She founded the rehabilitation clinics. That's right.

The second one is Betty Driver.

I've no idea of her husband's name.

Billy Williams. Married to Betty Turpin, I think,

-more commonly known as, in Coronation Street.

-Right, OK.

And the third one is Barney Rubble -

obviously married to Betty.

And the fourth one is Frank Spencer.

That's right. "Ooh, Betty!"

All married to Bettys.

Very well done.

And one question remains -

the Horned Viper.

That will go to you, Wanderers.

What's the connection between

these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

-Oh, erm...

-Levi-Strauss is...

-Yeah?

-United Nations, World Bank, kind of IMF.

-Yeah.

-Shall we get the next one?

-Go on.

Next, please.

-Ah, he was the...

-FIFA.

Left in disgrace or something.

He was 100 when he died, and he was the ex-president of FIFA,

-so maybe there were...

-Next, please.

Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

-Really?

-Yeah, it's 100.

BELL RINGS

They were 100 when they died.

These are the years when these people died,

aged 100. Well done.

Didn't need to see the last clue -

Bob Hope, 2003.

There's a great Bob Hope quote.

"You can always tell when

"a man is well-informed.

"His views are pretty much like yours."

Very well done. And I think

you spotted it after two clues.

Joao Havelange is, yeah,

the ex-FIFA president.

That's absolutely right.

And Levi-Strauss - a French social anthropologist.

Lord Denning - Master of the Rolls.

They all died aged 100. Well done.

That means, at the end of round one,

the Inquisitors have 4 points,

the Wanderers have 7.

Onto round two, the sequences round. What comes fourth in a sequence?

Inquisitors, I'll be asking you first again,

so please choose a hieroglyph.

-Lion, please.

-Lion. OK.

These are going to be picture clues.

What sort of thing would you expect

to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Who's that?

-Don't know.

-Don't know?

-No.

Next, please.

Bullion. Ingots.

Gold. Sword.

Oh, are they landing beaches?

-Sword.

-I'd like to go for it.

-Is that Juno?

-30 seconds. BELL RINGS

Omaha.

Is the right answer. Very well done.

A picture of Omaha.

What's going on in this sequence?

They are the Normandy landing beaches -

the operation names.

So, then Sword, Juno, Gold

-and Omaha, I think.

-That's right.

We're going east to west,

the Normandy landing beaches.

And the bloodiest of all - Omaha -

fourth. Well done.

Wanderers, what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-OK.

The snake is yours. What would

come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Erm, next.

Hump.

No? Next.

Skin.

HE EXHALES

THEY CONFER

Skin - I don't know. Erm, could be

something to do with camels?

Erm, it could be the Just So tales.

We can go for spots.

-Try spots.

-BELL RINGS

-Spots.

-Is the right answer.

Richard, I think

-you recognised that.

-Yeah.

What's going on here?

Is it how the animals got their...

From Rudyard Kipling?

It is the Just So Stories. That's right.

It's just in order of chapters.

So, what are the animals?

I couldn't remember the throat one,

but the camel got the hump,

and leopard got the spots and I....

That's why it took us so long to get it.

It's how the whale got his throat,

and how the rhinoceros got his skin.

Do you know how the rhinoceros got his skin?

-No idea.

-No.

It was a smooth creature at the beginning of the story,

and it had crumbs scattered on it, so it was all itchy,

and it rubbed itself against a tree and went wrinkly.

That's how the rhinoceros got his skin.

Next along, leopard and spots. Well done.

Back to you, Inquisitors,

-for a choice.

-Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax. OK.

What comes fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

-What, next?

-Well, that's 22 squared.

No, sorry. Try the next one.

Next, please.

Hmm. Are you both...?

I'm not... Anything?

THEY CONFER

Three seconds.

BELL RINGS

0.0001.

Not the answer, I'm afraid. So,

a bonus chance for you, Wanderers.

I thought we knew it. I'm sorry.

No, you don't know? It is 0.0005.

This is a nasty hidden question.

They are the decimals of pi.

-ALL:

-Oh!

-So, 3.1415 and so on,

but we've taken out all the numbers,

apart from the decimals moving along

one, two, three and four.

So, 0.0005 is what I needed to hear.

Isn't that horrible?

-What a nasty quiz.

-Yeah.

So, no bonus points for you, Wanderers,

but you may choose a question.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What will come fourth in this

sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

-In the Olympics, for the first time...

-So, it'll be...?

-So, what will we go for?

-Next.

No, no. No, no, no, no.

I don't need...

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

-Golf?

-Do you want to do it?

-Was it South Korea?

-No, no, golf.

Oh, it's long jump. Oh, sorry.

-I didn't see that. Oh, no.

-Next.

Sorry. Grenada.

It's when they won their first medals.

BELL RINGS

2016 and...

Central African Republic.

I can't give you long.

No, I can't, sorry.

Central African Republic.

No, that's not it.

Inquisitors, do you want

to have a go for a bonus point?

-Go on.

-2016 -

-Fiji (Rugby sevens).

-A perfect answer.

-That's the one we chose ourselves, actually.

-Well done.

So, I think you know what this is

over there, which is

first Olympic golds.

The years in which these countries

won their first golds. I needed

to hear one of the countries

that won its first gold in 2016,

for example Fiji in the rugby sevens.

So, very well done.

That's a bonus point to you, Inquisitors.

Which question would you like?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-Eye of Horus.

What would come fourth

in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

-Countries...

-It could be countries, it could be countries...

-Countries in...

-Yeah, cos all the islands count as North America.

-So, what's the next...?

-I think it's going to have to be...

Um...

It's going down.

THEY CONFER

Three seconds.

Oh, I'm afraid the time's run out,

and that's the end of your go.

Wanderers, another bonus chance.

Antarctica, zero.

Is the right answer.

-Oh!

-No, honestly...

And why is that?

This is the number of countries

in each one of those continents in descending order.

That's right, it's continents

by number of countries, going down.

And which continent has the most countries?

Africa.

It is Africa - and most people would guess Europe.

Do you know many countries are in Africa?

57.

It's 54. 54, though!

Countries in Africa.

People would guess Europe,

because they think it's sort of a blizzard of countries, but no.

Quite surprising.

If you put this in a pub quiz,

you'd see a lot of people crossing it out

and then going, "Wait, hang on, which...?"

Trying to write them all down.

Good luck trying to write down the 54 African countries,

if you're trying to do that now.

I used to work with a lady

who could recite the list of African countries.

I was most impressed.

That's my kind of work colleague.

-How the hours must have flown by.

-Indeed.

I'm not even joking.

I'm not even joking.

So, very well done,

and one question remains.

Again, the Water question,

that is yours, Wanderers.

What would come fourth

in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next.

-Oh, that's...

-HE WHISPERS

It's a pantomime...

Er, next.

The number of girls in each one.

So, there's four, three, two...

So, what's the name of the other one?

One girl, one woman...

-What, is it two in The Liver Birds?

-Yes.

Miranda.

Exactly what we chose ourselves, correct.

And why is that?

These are sitcoms with women in them in descending order -

so, four, three, two and one.

That's right. Girls, the American TV show,

there are four central characters.

Do you know their names?

No.

Hannah Horvath, Marnie Michaels, Jessa Johansson, Shoshanna Shapiro.

Four title characters in Girls.

Babes In The Wood was that show set in St John's Wood

in London, there were three central characters.

The Liver Birds, two, of course,

so, we needed a show with one central female character -

The Vicar Of Dibley, you might have said,

Miranda was an acceptable answer.

That means, at the end of round two,

the Inquisitors have 7 points,

the Wanderers have 12.

Time now for the Connecting Wall, where four groups of four

have been jumbled up to make 16 random looking clues.

The teams must sort them back into their perfect sets.

You'll be going first, this time, Wanderers,

so, please choose Lion or Water.

-Lion, please.

-OK.

You have two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall, starting now.

-Right...

-There's castles in Scotland...

Falkland...

-Linlithgow, yeah, Dunfermline...

-Either Scone or Holyrood.

Holyrood, yeah, OK.

Right, so, which one...?

Holyrood... Into Linlithgow.

Yeah, OK, there's, er...

The... Neverwhere is one, American Gods,

Good Omens...

Stardust, Neverwhere...

American Gods, Good Omens.

Three lives now.

-So, there's Marks...

-'70s singers.

-Bryan Ferry...

-Right, before we do it...

-Noddy Holder.

-Right.

-Iggy Pop.

-OK...

-Bryan Ferry...

-These are so different, though.

-Controversy, Scone, Uranus...

-OK...

-URanus or urANus...

-Yeah.

-So, we've got BOW-ie or BO-ie.

-Yeah.

Hang on, so...

-So, we've got Holder, Noddy Holder, Bryan Ferry, Iggy Pop.

-Right.

-Yeah?

And the others are pronunciation differences.

That'll do.

You've solved the Wall, very impressive stuff.

So, that's 4 points, immediately, for the groups.

Let's look for the connections.

The first, blue, group, starting Falkland.

These are palaces in Scotland.

They are Scottish palaces.

-Cos you initially said castles when you were playing the Wall...

-Yeah.

..but I couldn't have accepted it.

No, they're not castles, they are all palaces.

And the next, green, group...

They are novels by the superb Neil Gaiman.

I'm very impressed.

You see, I suppose that's something you've either read or you haven't.

-Mm.

-You're obviously a fan.

-Very good, yeah.

And the next, pink or purple, group,

or whatever colour you see at home, starting Holder. What's that?

'70s pop star surnames.

So, Noddy Holder, Bryan Ferry, Iggy Pop, Marc Bolan.

They are 1970s singers, or glam rock stars.

And the last, turquoise, group, starting Bowie.

Um... So, these were...

Have differences in pronunciation,

depending on where you come from or who you listen to.

Well, that's right.

I mean, of course, there is only one way of saying each of these things -

Bowie, scone, controversy, Uranus, of course,

but they are contentious because a lot of people make mistakes

and pronounce them the wrong way.

So, I'll accept your answer.

You found all four groups for 4 points,

you gave me all the connections for 4 points,

I'll give you a bonus of 2 for getting it all right.

That is the maximum of 10.

Let's bring in the Inquisitors now, and give them

the other Connecting Wall, see what they can do about solving it.

I can't remember - how did the Wall go in your first heat?

It was very frustrating.

It was quite frustrating - we got the first two groups quite quickly,

and then there were lots of things that would fit into the third group,

and we just kept putting the wrong things in.

-Oh, that's right.

-Yeah.

-You left yourselves with about nine clues.

We left ourselves with lots, yeah, so - better this time, hopefully.

-I wish you better luck on this Wall.

-Thank you.

You have two and a half minutes, of course,

to solve it, starting now.

Ooh, God.

-OK, Van der Graaf Generator, Curette...

-Prog rock bands, as well.

-OK, go for it, then.

-Um...

-Focus...

-Traffic...

-Procol Harum...

-Van der Graaf Generator...

-Traffic.

-Traffic?

No.

-Yes.

-Yes! Procol Harum, Van der Graaf Generator, Focus...

Yep.

-Lancet...

-Lancet, caliper, curette...

-Curette.

-Retractor.

-Retractor.

No.

Well, keep going.

-Retractor...

-Retractor.

-..Lancet, curette - it's maybe not caliper.

Er...

Oh, OK, what are they?

-Do you know?

-Three lives now.

-Plenty of time.

-OK.

-So, we've got...

Caliper is something that supports...

Are there any wordy things here?

Could this be a U-turn?

U-turn... No.

You got disc and drum are types of brakes, aren't they, in a car?

-Hydraulic brakes?

-Hydraulic brakes, yes.

Oh, no... Disc...

Disc, drum, hydraulic - so, what are we left with, then?

-Possibly caliper.

-But then what have we got with these?

-Egg...

-Egg, system, traffic and U.

-U...

-Is a caliper brake really a thing?

-Traffic lights...

-Egg... But, oh, no, cos...

No, cos we're only on one of three lives.

EG...

-Cal...

-No.

-I'm not seeing anything in there.

-What's U?

-U-turn, U-bend...

-U-bend.

Nothing else, really, that's bend.

U... Egg...

-Boil...

-Boiled egg. Egg cup.

-Timer.

-Egg timer.

-Egg...

-Traffic...

-Traffic light...

-Traffic light, traffic jam...

Egg jam...

-I feel like it...

-I don't know.

-OK, I think we need to go for it, and...

-Caliper?

-Yeah, and just...

No, it's not it.

That's not it. I don't...

Oh...

-No.

-One life left.

-We've got one life left!

-Oh, of course, sorry! Oh, dear.

System...

-Disc jockey...

-Disc jockey. No.

-Eardrum.

-Eardrum...

Caliper, caliper...

Slipped disc, slipped...

Brake system...

-Hydraulic, drum... Traffic... System...

-U brake.

-U brake?

-20 seconds.

-Did we not do that one?

-No, we didn't.

OK, well, give it a go.

-No.

-No.

-That's your third life, and the Wall has frozen -

but you found two groups. This is like last time, isn't it?

-Yeah, exactly like last time.

-You got two groups.

Well, let's see about the connections.

Procol Harum and so forth, at the top.

-They are prog rock bands.

-They are - and you got back quickly.

-Yeah.

Who's the prog rock fan?

I'm not a fan, but I know that Van der Graaf Generator

are a prog rock band.

My brother was a big prog fan.

The next, green, group. Rongeur, lancet, curette, retractor.

-They're medical instruments.

-Medical instruments.

-They're all medical instruments.

-Yeah.

-Do you know what they do?

A lancet is a long needle, isn't it?

It makes little incisions, yeah.

A retractor opens you up -

once they've sliced you, it puts your apart...

-Ooh!

-..to keep you...

-How nice!

-Cheery for the viewers. Lovely.

-This is Grey's Anatomy at work, here.

-Lovely.

-A curette's really horrible.

-A curette is something that cuts.

-A curette cuts.

-Slices.

-It scrapes.

-We'll gloss over that one.

-Rongeur?

-No idea what a rongeur is.

-I don't know what a rongeur is.

Heavy-duty forceps for removing small pieces of bone.

Medical equipment - and you can still get points

for the connections in the groups you didn't find.

So, let's resolve the Wall.

There you go.

Caliper, U, hydraulic, disc.

OK.

-I think they're...

-It's got to the brakes.

It must be. Are they braking systems?

They are brakes. I heard you asking, "Is a caliper really a brake?"

-It is, on a bicycle.

-Oh, OK.

-Rim brake on a bicycle.

-OK.

And the last, turquoise, group.

Drum, egg, traffic, system.

Anything?

-No.

-No. Things you beat?

-It is things you beat!

-Oh, wow!

-Where did that come from?

-Just sort of, beat an egg, beat a drum,

-beat traffic...

-Beat the traffic, beat the system.

-Oh, well done!

-Oh, God!

-Things you can beat. Very well done, at the last minute.

-Wow.

So, you found two groups

and you told me all four connections.

That's a total of 6.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The Inquisitors have 13 points, the Wanderers have 22.

If you'd like to take part in the next series of Only Connect,

then why not go to the website...

..to find out how to apply?

Missing vowels time, now, teams.

Of course, this is round two, you can't be knocked out.

You simply aren't able to leave.

The doors are locked, you're here until well into next year -

but we might as well play it. What do you think?

-Yeah, let's do it.

-Pass the time.

So, we will take well-known names, phrases and sayings,

we will take out the vowels, squidge up the consonants,

and I want to know, what are those disguised clues?

If you get it wrong by so much as a single letter,

I'll take a point away.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

The first group are all...

Inquisitors.

-Plum and Victoria.

-Correct.

Wanderers.

Apple and Cox's Orange Pippin.

Correct.

Inquisitors.

Avocado and Hess.

I can't give it to you.

Wanderers, do you know?

Avocado and...Hiss.

It's Avocado and Hass, that's the variety.

Next clue.

Inquisitors.

-Banana and Dwarf Cavendish.

-Very well done.

Next category...

Wanderers.

-Personal assistant.

-Correct.

Wanderers.

-Pennsylvania.

-Correct.

Inquisitors.

-Pascal.

-Correct.

Inquisitors.

-Press Association.

-Correct.

Next category.

Inquisitors.

Twenty Four Hours From Tulsa.

Correct.

Inquisitors.

-Walk On By.

-Yes, it is.

Inquisitors.

-Alfie.

-Very good.

Inquisitors.

-What's New Pussycat?

-If only we had time to sing them all.

Next category...

Inquisitors.

Tiananmen and Beijing.

Correct.

Inquisitors.

-Oh...

-TIME UP JINGLE

I'm afraid we're going to have to take a point away,

even though the bell has gone.

You clearly didn't know that one,

which was Tahrir in Cairo...

..but it does not affect the final outcome.

I can tell you that the winners,

and through to the next round, with 25 points,

are the Wanderers,

and, in an excellent second place,

with 20 points, the Inquisitors -

but you're not going home,

you're either through to the next round or a sub-round,

or still in this round, or going back to the first round.

I simply don't know.

We'll be meeting you again -

and you, very well played.

Thank you for watching.

I'm off to Cambridge, now, to visit the Seeley Library.

I don't know why they call it that -

it seems perfectly sensible to me.

Thank you.

Goodnight.