Snake Charmers v Inquisitors Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect, the quiz so diabolical

that Professor Moriarty himself was scared to apply,

although that's mainly because he couldn't find

two other supervillains to join him. I don't know why.

The world is full of brilliant, creepy,

inspired yet malevolent creatures that rarely venture out in daylight.

Let's meet the teams.

On my right, Thomas Rychlik,

a software engineer and choral singer

who has performed for the High Commissioner to New Zealand

and serenaded a bat with a flute,

Kate Pfeffer, an English graduate

who has a pet snake named Air Chief Marshal Sir Jock Slithers,

and their captain, John Howe,

a PhD student who attended a week-long maths conference

in a remote monastery in the mountains of the Czech Republic.

United by a reverence for reptiles,

they are the Snake Charmers.

You won your first heat against the Extras

but you lost to the Eco-Warriors.

How have you prepared for this next crucial game?

Well, very significantly, Slithers shed his skin

so he's been promoted to Air Chief Marshal,

so we had to have a shedding party.

A lovely story. I hope that skin brings you good fortune.

You are playing, this evening, on my left,

Luke Kelly,

a European studies graduate who was recently driven across Latvia

at high speed by a man playing an air violin,

Rob Cumming, a quiz question writer

and rabbit enthusiast who runs a football predictions league,

and their captain, Julia Hobbs,

a modern languages graduate who, at the age of 11,

was a finalist in the Junior TV Newsreader of the Year competition.

All question setters by trade,

they are the Inquisitors.

-Now, you beat the Cricketers, but you lost to the Wanderers.

-Mm-hmm.

What's it like being on the receiving end of the questions?

Um, it's OK for the most part.

We've learned...

We've decided to avoid certain things, let's say,

but we'll see what happens.

My dressing room when I invite you in for a drink?

Never!

On with the quiz. Let's play round one.

Inquisitors, you won the toss so you'll be going first.

-Please choose the first hieroglyph of the game.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

What is the connection between these apparently random clues?

Here's the first.

Does it mean anything to you?

THEY CONFER

-SV...

-Swedish?

-Slovakian?

-Slovakian?

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Mr Muscle, Mr Strong. They're all Mr Men.

-Mr Men?

-Go for it.

-Go for it?

BELL

They are the names of Mr Men in other languages.

They are international Mr Men. Very well done.

You didn't even need to see Monsieur Bing

and Herr Dumpidump.

Who are those Mr Men?

-Er...

-Mr Small.

-Mr Small.

-Mr Small in...?

-In Swedish?

-In Swedish.

Gubben Knatte is Mr Small.

These aren't translations, they're the local titles.

That second one, actually, it's not Herr Muskel for Mr Strong

cos they've got an Unser Herr Stark.

But there's another one, Mr Muskel.

-They've got two different Mr Strongs.

-Mr Bounce in French.

-Mm-hmm.

-And I'm guessing Norwegian for Dumpidump.

It is. Herr Dumpidump.

Very well done. They are all international Mr Men.

Snake Charmers, back to you for a choice.

-Can we have Twisted Flax, please?

-I don't see why not. The Twisted Flax.

These are going to be picture clues.

Something connects them, but what? Here's the first.

Do we have any idea who that is?

Next, please.

Snatch... Next, please.

That's a Tesla.

-Are they all...?

-Anagrams?

-Yeah, they're all...

-BELL

Are they all anagrams of each other?

They are anagrams of each other.

You didn't need to see the last one, "slate". What are we looking at?

We're looking at a Tesla car,

we're looking at somebody stealing a handbag

and we're looking at a man who I'm going to guess is called Steal.

Jeff Astle, the former West Brom star.

No? Big football star there.

But, yes, very well done. Astle, Steal, Tesla, Slate - all anagrams.

Who founded the Tesla car, do you know?

-Er, Elon Musk.

-It is Elon Musk.

Elon Musk believes, according to an interview,

that we probably live in a computer simulation.

If we were inside a computer simulation,

would we be able to work out that we were?

But if we're in a computer simulation,

we might have a sense of purpose.

My word, that's nihilistic!

-Do you not feel you have a sense of purpose?

-No.

-Is that why you play quizzes?

-Yes.

It can be like that. I feel like that about crosswords.

It gives meaning and order to the universe.

On this gloomy note,

let's move on to the next question.

-Inquisitors, what would you like next?

-Eye of Horus, please.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Ooh, Portsmouth FC. What was on there in the 1980s?

I don't know, but it's got like a crescent.

Next, please.

-So, it's Brum.

-What's the assay mark for Birmingham?

Is that a moon or a star? Is it a crescent? Shall we go next?

Next, please.

Kuehne + Nagel - that's a brand of...

-It's a shipping brand, isn't it?

-Is it?

Next, please.

-Anchors.

-Are they all assay marks?

-BELL

-So, it's anchor.

-Anchors.

They all have anchors in common.

And how? Tell me about those clues.

I'm guessing at some point in the '80s,

-the Portsmouth FC crest had an anchor on it.

-Mm-hmm.

Birmingham silver - the assay mark for Birmingham

-on silver is an anchor.

-That's right.

-Popeye's arm has an anchor tattoo on it.

-Mm-hmm.

-And Kuehne + Nagel...

-Has an anchor as well.

Does it have an anchor in its logo?

It's a global logistics company based in Switzerland

and that is part of their logo. Let me ask you this question, John.

Do you know what the anchor signifies in heraldry?

Hope. It signifies hope.

Yes! It signifies hope.

So, if you have no purpose, the anchor signifies hope.

Although weirdly, often in heraldry,

you see an anchor with a rope tangled round it,

which is a fouled anchor,

which seems a bit less hopeful, doesn't it?

Yeah, but at least it's attached to something.

Maybe the anchor has a sense of purpose, even if we don't.

Let's move on. JOHN GIGGLES

Back to you, Snake Charmers, for a choice.

-Can we have the Water, please?

-I don't see why not.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Prater... It's nothing to do with Dudley Moore.

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Three seconds. BELL

Are these the surnames of lead singers and guitarists from bands?

Not it, I'm afraid, so a bonus chance for the Inquisitors.

We think these are singing duos

who are known by their first names.

That's what it is. They are lead singers in a way,

but there are only two of them

and they're better known by their first names, which are...?

We've got Robson Green and Jerome Flynn. For shame, knowing that.

-Sonny & Cher.

-Mm-hmm.

Moore & Prater rings a bell, but I'm not quite sure who they are.

-Sam & Dave.

-Ah, yes.

-Sam Moore and Dave Prater. And the first ones?

-Don't know. DiConcetto & Cruz.

-Now, her first name was Karen.

Karen DiConcetto, but otherwise known as Daphne.

It's Daphne & Celeste.

-Oh, wow!

-Daphne & Celeste, yes.

I'm going to have Ooh, Stick You

in my head for the rest of the day.

Well, if you win the game, don't sing it at your opponents.

That would be terrible.

That could push John over the edge, couldn't it? It would be awful.

So, you get the bonus point. And what would you like as a question?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

OK, what is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

That was... Oh!

-Was it the Tower of London?

-Yeah.

BELL

The Tower of London.

Very well done, for three points. That is good quizzing.

Let me show you the other two clues.

These are all things that have been found at the Tower of London.

For whose amusement was the menagerie?

Oh, I'm not entirely sure. Various monarchs.

For monarchs, the royal family.

There were elephants, tigers,

kangaroos, ostriches, all held in the Tower.

The Royal Mint was in the Tower.

Prison. It was a prison for all of those years.

The last person publicly beheaded at the Tower of London, Lord Lovat,

and on the day of his execution,

one of the scaffolds for spectators collapsed

and 20 more people died.

But it's hard to feel sympathetic, isn't it?

They gathered eagerly there to watch the execution. Live by the sword...

And what's happening in that fourth clue?

They are the poppies that were there

-for the First World War centenary installation.

-That's right.

All things found at the Tower of London

in the time period specified in the brackets. Well done.

Back to you, Snake Charmers, for the last question of the round,

the Two Reeds. MUSICAL NOTE

-Yes, I'm afraid it's the music question.

-Yay!

What do these musical clues have in common? Good luck. Here's the first.

# Still the same

# There's nothing left in me... #

Next.

# Mo ne si man, li ne si mane

# Moye dilene diapale

# Roughneck and rudeness We should be using... #

Next, please.

# I only see my goals I don't believe in failure... #

-This is 7 Years by Lukas Graham.

-# Cos I know the smallest voices

-# They can make it major... #

-Next, please.

# On my way to see my friends

# Who lived a couple blocks away from me, ow

# As I walked through the subway... #

BELL

A number of years.

I'm going to give you one more go.

Seven years.

I'm afraid that is not the connection.

Inquisitors, do you want a go for a bonus point?

-It's just seven.

-It's just seven, I'm afraid.

-Did you only recognise one song?

-Yeah.

Yes, Lukas Graham, 7 Years, the third clue.

What were the other clues?

Clue two was 7 Seconds by Youssou N'Dour and Neneh Cherry

-and number four was 7 Days by Craig David.

-Craig David.

7 Weeks by InMe, that's the first clue. Yes, unlucky.

7 Years was one of them,

but "7" is the only thing they all have in common.

That means, at the end of round one...

Onto round two, the sequences round.

This time the teams may see a maximum of three clues.

I want to know what comes fourth.

Inquisitors, you'll be going first again. Please choose a hieroglyph.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

These are going to be picture clues.

What sort of thing would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Two seconds. BELL

What do we say?

Um...a book.

I'm afraid I can't accept that as a sequence.

Snake Charmers have got the chance of a bonus point.

I'd expect to see a picture of some people.

It is a picture of some people. And why?

Because it's "Here's the church, here's the steeple,

-"open the doors and here's the people."

-That's exactly right.

Could you demonstrate that more accurately for me?

Here's the church, here's the steeple,

open the doors and here's the people.

There, the cheery counterbalance to "we all live in a matrix".

It's the children's rhyme "Here's the church, here's the steeple,"

and I wanted to hear "some people". Well done.

You get the bonus, and what would you like as a question?

-Can we have Lion, please?

-Yes, you can.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

That's a rollercoaster. The tallest rollercoaster?

But what's the sequence?

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

-Apple.

-The Big Apple.

-Apples, oranges.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Oh, it's The Big Red One. She Wore A Yellow Ribbon.

So, it's going to be something with green.

-Yeah.

-BELL

Er...How Was My Valley?

Is an acceptable answer, and why?

Because we're going red, orange, yellow, green,

-through the rainbow, but dropping the colours.

-That's right.

They are titles of fictional works of films, in fact,

from which we've taken out colours in a rainbow sequence,

and I wanted to hear something with green in the title.

Fried Green Tomatoes, How Green Was My Valley, acceptable answers.

Can you think of any more?

-The Green Grass Of Home.

-That would work.

-The Mile.

-The Mile. Card.

Berets. Street. Lantern. Hornet.

I could go on. I won't.

Well done for the points.

-Inquisitors, what would you like next?

-Twisted Flax, please.

Twisted Flax. What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

BELL

-Dmitry Medvedev.

-Is the right answer, well done.

And why? What's the sequence?

Because they were Prime Ministers of Russia

before they became president.

It's simply a series of Prime Ministers of Russia. That's it.

Mikhail Fradkov - that was after Vladimir Putin sacked

the entire government and started again

and he appointed Fradkov as Prime Minister.

Subsequent Prime Ministers - Zubkov, Putin.

Medvedev would be the next in the sequence, well done.

-Back to you, Snake Charmers, for a choice.

-Water, please.

-Water, OK.

What would come fourth here? First clue coming in now.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.

Oh, these are people Andy Murray beat

to win Wimbledon last time he did.

-I think he beat Raonic in the final.

-Go for it.

BELL

-7/7, Milos?

-Simple as that.

Very well done for three points. And what's the sequence?

These are people Andy Murray beat to win Wimbledon

-last time he won Wimbledon.

-That's right. Wimbledon 2016.

It was Andy Murray's opponents. Who were they?

Nick Kyrgios, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Tomas Berdych?

That's right. And then Milos Raonic in the final. Well done.

-Back to you, Inquisitors, for a choice.

-Horned Viper, please.

Horned Viper. What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

THEY CONFER

BELL

-23.

-23 or 2-3 is the right answer, well done.

-What's happening here?

-So, 8 x 2 is 16, but then reversed.

-8 x 3, 24.

-It's great, isn't it?

It's so beautifully annoying, this question.

It's just the eight times table but with the digits reversed,

so 16 becomes 61,

24 becomes 42, and I wanted to hear 32 reversed, 23.

Well done.

Snake Charmers, one question remains.

The Two Reeds, that will be for you.

What comes fourth in this sequence?

The time starts now.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

That's 11...

THEY CONFER

-Have you got anything?

-No, go for it.

BELL

-Number of people at the Last Supper.

-For what reason?

-It's 13.

-I'm afraid that is not the right answer.

Inquisitors, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

-Something with 14.

-That's not it either.

What do you think is happening in these clues?

The Countdown Conundrum has nine letters.

Tables tennis winning game total is 11.

Table tennis game winning total is 11 what?

Points.

And the Countdown Conundrum is...

-Ten points.

-Worth ten points.

A circle constructed for any given triangle.

That's a mathematical thing. Nine points.

We want to hear something that represents 12 points,

for example automatic UK driving disqualification.

Now, had you said that there were 12 people

at the Last Supper with Jesus,

I probably wouldn't have given it to you anyway

because it's points that I want to know about,

but the number 13 is certainly wrong.

Some viewers might wonder about that first clue.

I can't begin to explain it. Can anyone explain it?

-I have a vague idea. I was quite good at geometry.

-Give it a go.

You draw a triangle and then there are various points

you construct of the circle...

You have circles tangent to the edges of the triangle

and various points to do with those, you can draw a circle

-going through all of them, I think.

-This may or may not be correct.

If not, please write to anyone other than me.

Well done for having a go at explaining that.

That means, at the end of round two...

Connecting Wall time now and, Snake Charmers, it will be your turn

to go first, so would you like Lion or Water?

-Could we have Water, please?

-Yes, you could.

You have two and a half minutes to solve the Water Wall, starting now.

THEY CONFER

Just Seventeen, is that a magazine?

They are magazines. Mizz is one, Sugar is one,

Honey might well be one. Jackie was one, back in the day.

BUZZ

-I don't know.

-BUZZ

-Blue Jeans - is that a song?

-BUZZ

Blue Jeans is a song by Lana Del Rey. You should know that.

-BUZZ

-I should know that.

-270...

BUZZ

BUZZ

Oh, safety curtain, net curtain, shower curtain.

There are definitely magazines here.

Sweet Honey... Things that are sweet.

Caroline, Sugar...

BUZZ

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-Jackie?

-BUZZ

-Sweet Blue Jeans?

-BUZZ

-Bonecrusher.

I assume that's not a teenage girls' magazine.

Um...

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-Do we have enough...?

-BUZZ

-OK, so Honey pot...

Just Seventeen. Is that what you get in a game, a score in a game?

Bonecrusher - is that going to be a round

in some kind of game or something?

Seventeen, Blue Jeans...

-What are you going for?

-BUZZ

Things that seem similar.

Um... Just Seventeen, Sugar...

BUZZ

Smokin' and Marvelous could be a kind of team of some kind.

Marvelous Seven, something like that.

Alan Sugar...

BUZZ

BUZZ

THEY CONFER

BUZZ

BUZZ

Anything else?

BUZZ

-Ooh.

-Yay.

-Three lives now.

-Um... So...

-We don't have much time though.

We have "sweet". Sugar, Caroline...

-Sweet Caroline...

-Sweet 270.

-Sweet Caroline's a song.

-Yeah.

-Sweet London.

BUZZ

-London Bridge...

-BUZZ

One life left.

-Is that right?

-Yeah.

That's not it, so the wall has frozen.

But you did find two groups. What about the connections?

Iron, Shower, Net, Safety.

-They're all curtains.

-They're all curtains.

And the green group, starting Mizz?

They're all magazines aimed at teenage girls.

They are all the teen magazines, back in the day. Magnificent.

And you can still get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the Wall.

Here you go. Caroline, Jackie, London, 270.

-Um...

-Try this as "sweet"?

That's not it. This really IS back in the day.

These are pirate radio stations. You might know Radio Caroline.

That's probably the most famous one. Pirate radio stations.

And the turquoise group?

Sugar, Marvelous, Smokin', Bonecrusher?

-Compliments?

-LAUGHTER

-Could be.

-They are not compliments.

These are boxers.

Sugar Ray Leonard or Sugar Ray Robinson,

Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Smokin' Joe Frazier

and James Bonecrusher Smith.

They are the nicknames of boxers.

But you found two groups and two connections,

so that's a total of four.

Let's bring in the Inquisitors now, give them the Lion Wall

and see what they can do about solving it.

Two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall, starting now.

-Types of ship.

-Destroyer, cruiser, battleship.

Is that too obvious? What else is there?

Rubberneck, Eye, View...

-Observe.

-Observe.

THEY CONFER

-Cruiserweight, middleweight.

-Cruiserweight, middleweight?

-OK.

-Three lives now.

-OK.

Are they things on a ship? Galley...

Galley is a kitchen. Galley...

What have we got? We've still got Destroyer, Battleship...

Galley is a type of ship?

That's looking at things.

THEY CONFER

Money... Money shop, Galley shop, Monitor shop... I don't know.

-Milk monitor?

-Aces high, aces low...

Monitor... There's a lizard called a Monitor. Could it be that? No.

-I think we need to go for ships first.

-Corvette's a ship?

Corvette's a car.

THEY CONFER

Little Red Corvette?

There is Little Red Corvette

-but I can't see anything else.

-Red Aces?

-Red...

Watch, Monitor, but they're...

THEY CONFER

-Don't know.

-We're running out of time anyway, so...

-Corvette?

-I don't know why though.

-I feel like that goes with that for some reason.

30 seconds. BUZZ

-Corvette and Destroyer? Why?

-I don't know.

THEY LAUGH

-Why though?

-Just try it.

-Battleship...

-Monitor?

-Monitor?

-Yeah.

-But then...

-BUZZ

-One life.

Ten seconds.

No, that's your three lives, and the wall has frozen.

But you found two groups. What about the connections?

Tell me about the first group, starting Eye.

OK, that's words for looking at things.

To eye, to view, to observe, to rubberneck.

And the green group, starting Cruiser?

-Boxing weights.

-Boxing weights. Absolutely right.

And you can still get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the Wall.

And the pink group - Money, Aces, Battleship, Watch?

-Eye?

-No. It is a word one. "Pocket".

-Pocket money, pocket aces, pocket battleship, pocket watch.

-Oh, OK.

-Pocket battleship is literally a small battleship.

-Oh, OK.

And the turquoise group - Destroyer, Galley, Monitor, Corvette?

-I think they're something to do with ships.

-Yeah.

-Ships?

-Can you be more specific?

-Warships?

-They are warships. That's exactly right.

-OK.

So, you found two groups and you gave me three connections.

That is a total of five. Let's have a look at the overall scores.

Time for round four, the Missing Vowels round.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

In the first group,

you are in trouble when you are...

-Inquisitors.

-Backed into a corner.

-Snake Charmers.

-In dire straits.

-Snake charmers.

-In over your head.

-Charmers.

-Clutching at straws.

Next category.

-Snake Charmers.

-Calcium and California.

-CA, well done.

-Inquisitors.

-Neon and Nebraska.

-Snake Charmers.

-Indium and Indiana.

-Snake Charmers.

-Manganese and Minnesota.

Next category, idiomatic animals.

-Inquisitors.

-Cash cow.

-Snake Charmers.

-Elephant in the room.

-Inquisitors.

-Dog in the manger.

-Inquisitors.

-Tiger economy.

Next category.

MUSIC SIGNALS END OF ROUND

No time to tell me that is Drew and John Barrymore,

because the bell has gone for the end of the quiz.

And I can tell you that the winners, with 23 points,

and staying in the competition,

are the Inquisitors.

In second place, with 19,

it's the Snake Charmers.

What a shame. A great team.

Clever and funny, and you had a really good round four,

but I'm afraid not enough to go through. We're saying goodbye.

Thank you for watching and please join me next time

when, once again, our business is quizness.

Although, to be honest, I'm a bit disappointed

with how that slogan's been going.

I'm starting to regret ordering 10,000 T-shirts with it on. Goodbye.