Cricketers v Escapologists Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to the Only Connect cookery special.

Tonight, in the style of The Great British Bake Off,

we will be presenting a signature dish,

a technical challenge

and a show-stopping fruitcake.

Let's meet the teams.

On my right, Andrew Burford,

an enthusiastic home-brewer who was disappointed by Rome.

Simon Williams, a Cambridge law graduate who has written

a play about Big Brother in iambic pentameter,

and their captain Neil Clarke, a chartered accountant

who has played outdoor chess with the Gambian national champion.

United by a fondness for fielding, they are the Cricketers.

Now, you are our lucky losers.

You lost your opening heat against the Inquisitors

but you got back in anyway because of your high score.

How's the team morale ahead of the game?

It's actually pretty good, I think.

We're just very pleased to have got this far.

We played against a great team and...

..quite proud of ourselves.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you.

This time you're facing, on my left,

Frank Paul, an artist and pub quiz host

who was surprised by an intimate prophecy while sketching a camel,

Tom Rowell, a former prison worker

who went on a ride at EuroDisney with Bobby Davro,

and their captain Lydia Mizon, a university course administrator

who recently appeared on the front page of her local newspaper

holding a meerkat.

United by a love of locked rooms, they are the Escapologists.

So, you're the other lucky losers.

You lost to the Eco-warriors but have made it back in.

What have you been doing since we met last?

Well, the first time we did a lot of revision,

which then proved no help at all,

so this time we have been very assiduously not revising.

Excellent. Let's see how you fare.

Cricketers, you won the toss

but you have elected to put your opponents in first,

so, Escapologists, choose a hieroglyph.

Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these apparently random clues?

Here's the first.

Robin Masters... Do you know who that is?

HE WHISPERS

OK, next.

Magellan was...

-Laura?

-I don't know...

-She was Jonathan Creek's partner.

Oh, Madeline Magellan, yes, she was.

Do you think they're all Jonathan Creek?

-Shall we get the next one?

-I don't know.

-Go for it.

Next one, please.

Do you know who that is?

I don't know who that is.

Shall we go?

Are they sidekicks of Jonathan Creek?

They are not all sidekicks of Jonathan Creek

so I am going to show the fourth clue to the Cricketers

for a possible bonus point.

-Murder She Wrote.

-Murder She Wrote.

Authors, they're all authors.

-I can't give you long.

-All authors?

-Fictional.

-Fictional authors.

They are all fictional authors, that's right.

Can you tell me anything else they have in common?

I just recognise Robin Masters from being Magnum PI,

and I believe he was, Magnum was Robin Masters.

Oh, no, Robin Masters is the mysterious author

who owns the estate.

-Oh! Your theory is that Magnum is also him?

-Is also him, yes.

-Yeah.

-Is that just you or is it in the show that it might be?

No, I think that's just me

and, yeah, the internet conspiracy theorists.

Ah, I've never heard that theory.

And Maddy Magellan you recognised, that is the one from Jonathan Creek.

-Jessica Fletcher you must know.

-Yes.

-Murder She Wrote.

-Murder She Wrote.

Temperance Brennan is the forensic anthropologist

and bestselling crime novelist in Bones.

They are all fictional authors,

and in fact they all appear in crime series.

So, well done, you get the bonus point and you may choose a question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion, OK.

What is the connection between these picture clues?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

Gazelle?

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

-Blood...

-Blood.

-Death mask...

-Triple blood. Is that Harry Potter?

Nothing like that, is it?

Next, please.

Fox...

Fox, mask, gazelle...

Three seconds.

-Any idea?

-No, no idea whatsoever.

-Do you want to have a guess?

-No, nothing.

Found in streets.

I don't know!

Well, I suppose in theory they are all found in streets,

but I don't think I can really accept that as an answer.

-A deer shouldn't probably be in the street.

-No.

Escapologists, do you want to have a go for a bonus?

What do we think?

They all start with red?

-What do you think you can see?

-Red fox...

-Oh, I see, and red blood.

-Yeah.

And the well-known red pharaoh, of course.

We didn't have any idea, to be honest.

Do you know who that is in the first picture?

-Tutankhamen.

-It is.

As in pharaoh, as in Pharaoh Hound.

Deerhound, bloodhound, foxhound.

All types of hound, that's what that is.

So, Escapologists,

you don't get the bonus for that but you may choose a question.

-Water, please.

-Water.

OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next.

THEY WHISPER

Are they translations of something?

Seems like translations of something, but I don't know what.

-Holding your... Like an inventory, maybe.

-Yeah.

-Ventriloquism is talking...

-Next? Next.

That should have fire in it.

-Baptism should be 'baptism of fire'.

-Oh, yeah.

-It's hold fire.

-But why drill?

Why drill and belly?

These are the beginning of and end of phrases

that have got 'fire' in them.

So baptism of fire, firearms.

-Firearms, firearms.

-St Elmo's Fire...

-And fire drill.

That's exactly what it is.

It's pairs of phrases involving the word fire

but we've taken the word fire out.

So, hold fire, fire in the belly.

Baptism of fire, firearms.

St Elmo's Fire, fire drill.

And you didn't need to see like a house on fire, fire sale.

Fire has been removed from these pairs of phrases.

Well calculated.

Cricketers, what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

THEY MOUTH

Next, please.

-Bundestag...

-It's parliament buildings from different places.

-Possibly.

-What do you reckon?

-Parliament buildings?

-Government buildings.

-THEY WHISPER

Government buildings in different countries.

I need to hear something specific.

-Parliament?

-Parliament.

I'm not hearing what I need to hear.

-Escapologists, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

-Houses of...

We think they might be the two houses of...

-The two chambers.

-Chambers of government.

It is about two chambers of government.

You see, your answer, they could be one house each.

It's about bicameral parliaments

and we are looking at the upper house and lower house.

Which did you recognise?

The German one is...

Yes, the Bundesrat is the upper house,

the Bundestag the lower house.

-The Irish one as well.

-Yeah.

Seanad and Dail, the Irish ones,

and the Afghanistan

and India parliamentary houses I'm not going to try and pronounce

but it's to do with upper and lower houses,

and the layout of the clues was a little extra clue there.

So, a bonus to you, Escapologists,

-and which question would you like?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-JINGLE PLAYS The Eye of Horus.

-Sorry, guys.

It's the music question, yes,

I would think an apology would be in order.

You'll be hearing your clues.

What do they have in common? Here's the first.

# Crash and burn

-# All the stars... #

-The Cranberries?

# ..explode tonight... #

Next? Next.

# Let me beat my feet up and down market street

-# I'm gonna... #

-Next.

# He's alive, alive... #

Oh, that is Drinking In LA by Bran Van 3000.

-Wow! Bran Van?

-Bran Van 3000.

Cranberries and bran are both used in breakfast cereal.

-OK. Shall we get the next one?

-Yeah.

-Next.

# Fame and fortune is a magnet

# It can pull you far away from home... #

-Is it by Dionne Warwick?

-Yeah.

Is it definitely?

Two seconds.

-Are they all food?

-Asking directions, maybe?

If you were going to my place...?

I have to take your first answer.

Yeah, they're not.

They are not all food.

Cricketers, you've got the chance of a bonus point.

Places in America, it refers to.

Maybe California?

Californian cities is what they are.

What did we hear?

Bran Van 3000, Drinking In LA.

That's right.

-Do You Know The Way To San Jose?

-That was the last one.

-Anything else?

-Two others.

Certainly more obscure.

Malibu by Hole, that was the first one.

And the second one, from the film San Francisco,

a Judy Garland number from San Francisco.

-Have you ever been to San Jose?

-No.

-No.

-Anyone there been to San Jose?

-No.

-You literally don't know the way?

-No.

I went once, I went with a friend of mine who was speaking at

the international John Steinbeck conference in San Jose,

and his opening words

to a room full of really devoted Steinbeck fans,

many of them military people, some academics,

his opening words were, "Ladies and gentlemen,

"I flatter myself that I am the only person in this room

"who has not read The Grapes Of Wrath."

It didn't go down well.

And he really hadn't.

Still, we got a free trip to San Jose.

So, well done, Cricketers, you get a bonus

and the last question of the round, the Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-Our Town Story?

-THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

Next, please.

Time travel?

-That's the time travel one, isn't it?

-Yeah, yes, it is.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

INDISTINCT CONFERRING

Three seconds.

Time travel?

Not the connection, I'm afraid, so, Escapologists, another bonus chance.

Are they all to do...?

Are they all special spin-off episodes?

Yeah, special spin-off episodes of shows?

No, they're not.

Now, the Blackadder one, it's to do with where it was shown.

This is a Blackadder episode you might not have seen.

It's a specially commissioned one for the Millennium Dome,

which also featured 14 zones,

and the play area Timekeepers of the Millennium,

and Our Town Story,

that was a project where local education authorities

were invited to put on a play about their hometown and its characters.

Lydia, if you had to put on a play about your hometown

and its characters, which character would you play?

I would play my old music teacher, Mr Jones.

I'd like to see that play.

What instrument?

I think he played piano very aggressively,

so I would continue in his honour.

That's the best way to play the piano, isn't it, really?

All things that featured at the Millennium Dome.

That means at the end of Round One the Cricketers have two points,

the Escapologists have three.

Round Two, the sequences round,

the sort of thing that happens

if you play your old music teacher on stage and he doesn't like it.

Sequences.

Escapologists, you'll be going first.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

-Giver of myrrh? One of the Three Kings.

-So,

it's Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar.

-I think accounts vary about...

-Next.

-That's Methuselah, isn't it?

-I can't...

-I mean, there are lots of people who...

-The numbers.

Yeah, what are the numbers about?

Oh, no, Jared was the second oldest...

Next, please.

Are these to do with syllables, maybe?

-Why are they halving each time?

-Maybe it's to do with syllables.

Oh, no, they're... It's champagne bottles.

-Oh.

-No, it will be 2...maybe Magnum?

So, ice lolly, ice cream.

Chocolate coated ice cream.

-Two, chocolate coated ice cream.

-2: Chocolate coated ice cream.

I will accept that answer.

We had 2: Latin for great.

What do we both mean?

Champagne bottles.

It's champagne bottle sizes,

so what are the other clues?

Frank.

OK, so, the eight is a Methuselah, I believe, isn't it?

That's right, Methuselah, eight bottles.

Is the 16 a Balthazar?

It is, 16 bottles in a Balthazar, and four...?

Four is Nebuchadnezzar or something?

It's not, it's Jeroboam.

And I want to hear Magnum,

so it could be an ice cream,

Latin for great

or, of course, Magnum PI.

Could be Robin Masters, we don't know.

Very well done.

Cricketers, what would you like?

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

OK, what will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

Is this...

..where US presidents have been assassinated?

-Yeah.

-OK...

Next, please.

So, Elm Street in Dallas...

A street in Dallas? In a car?

-In a car in Dallas.

-Yeah.

In a car in Dallas.

I'll accept that answer. I mean, if you look at the other clues,

I'd like to hear something that slightly resembles them more.

Do we think...?

Well, we've got plaza, because it's more general locations.

But I know you have solved the riddle,

if you say in a car in Dallas. What's going on?

It's successive assassinations of US presidents,

the last one being Kennedy.

That's right. And what are the other assassinations?

Well, the first one would be Lincoln.

Yes, John Wilkes Booth shot Abraham Lincoln.

I can't remember the other two.

Andrew Garfield was shot in a railway station.

He didn't die immediately, he died sometime later.

And the concert hall, that is William McKinley.

Successive assassinations.

The boarding house where John Wilkes Booth plotted to kill Lincoln

has now changed into a Chinese restaurant and karaoke bar.

What do you think it's called?

Lincoln's?

No, the Chinese restaurant and karaoke bar

is called Wok And Roll!

Wok And Roll, of course.

That's cheery, isn't it, for the descendants of Abraham Lincoln.

So, well done. Escapologists, your turn.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-Eye of Horus.

OK, what will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

OK, next.

Street, ST...

Oh, of course.

So it's ST, then ND, then three RD, then four TH.

So it'll be something that has the TH and four.

Tower Hill?

OK.

Four, Tower Hill, assuming that it can be abbreviated to TH.

Very well spotted after two clues, well done.

What's happening here?

It's first, so first is one and then S-T.

Second is written two and then N-D.

Three... Third is written three, R-D. And then...

That's it, they're known as ordinal indicators.

It's one S-T, first, North Dakota indicating N-D for second,

and we wanted to hear something that would be T-H for fourth.

We had Thursday, but Tower Hill, if it was being abbreviated,

I suppose that works. So well done. Good spot.

-Cricketers, what would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax, OK. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

That's Chaucer.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

-Six wives...

-OK.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Is it Zsa Zsa Gabor with eight?

Who's been married eight times? Zsa Zsa Gabor...?

Maybe...

Who's been married eight times?

Two seconds.

Eight times, is it Zsa Zsa Gabor?

Elizabeth Taylor.

Elizabeth Taylor?

Is an acceptable answer.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is not.

Tell me about the sequence.

It's number of marriages, we believe, going up.

So we think Elizabeth Taylor's got eight.

That's right. The Wife of Bath in the Chaucer, five marriages.

Henry VIII, six wives, of course. Jerry Lee Lewis, seven marriages.

We need someone who'd been married eight times, Elizabeth Taylor.

-Zsa Zsa Gabor would come after this sequence, with nine.

-Oh.

A wonderful housekeeper.

Whenever she got divorced, she always kept the house.

Well spotted. Escapologists, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water, and what would be the fourth in the sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

Gower Street...

Rada?

Next.

THEY CONFER

Is it Rada, radar...?

Maybe.

Raid?

-It might be just Ra.

-Yeah.

Egyptian sun god?

Shall I guess?

The Egyptian sun god?

Or the symbol for radium. We will accept that answer, and why?

It is something, Rada, rad and Ra.

-What do you think...?

-So it's going down.

-That's right, it's words getting shorter.

-Radar?

-Radar, he's in M*A*S*H, have you ever seen M*A*S*H?

-No.

Cpl Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Reilly from M*A*S*H,

and you take off the last letter, you get Rada, the drama school.

Take off the last letter, rad, for that symbol,

and radium, or a sun god, for Ra. Well done.

Back to you, Cricketers, for the last question.

It's the Viper again, that's been left till last.

These are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the last picture?

Here's the first.

That's, uh, Butch...Butch Dingle.

Next, please.

David Cassidy...

Yeah, David Cassidy.

Butch Cassidy. Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.

-Shall we go for it?

-Yeah.

Picture of a baby goat.

Is exactly what we've got ourselves.

Very well done, and what's this?

We think it's Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.

That's exactly right.

I think the key is you recognised Butch Dingle.

Who's the Emmerdale fan?

Simon. I had no idea.

It paid off, suddenly.

All those years of watching Emmerdale paid off.

Yes, Butch, then David Cassidy,

and do you know what's happening in this third clue?

Sundance Film Festival.

-That's right.

-Robert Redford's, is it?

Robert Redford has a film foundation and they have a festival.

And, actually, the town, the area in Utah where it is,

is now called Sundance.

So Butch Cassidy, Sundance, we want to hear kid. Well done.

That means, at the end of round two,

the Cricketers have nine points,

the Escapologists have ten.

Time now for the Connecting Wall, the 16 jumbled clues

that need sorting into four connected groups of four.

You'll remember this with a shiver of horror from your last game.

You'll be going first this time, Cricketers.

Would you like Lion or Water?

-Lion, please.

-The Lion Wall.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Coronation Street...

Sesame Street, Pigeon Street...

-TV chefs.

-What are...?

-Rhodes, Ramsay...

OK. What are the streets, Jump Street...?

Which one...?

Pigeon Street.

OK...

Drop sesame...

-OK. So, Roux, Kitchin...

-Rhodes.

-Rhodes.

And...

Scofflaw?

No. What else is there?

So...

Three lives now.

-Scofflaw, crook, felon, they're all...

-And malefactor, maybe.

-They're all old words for criminal.

-Yeah.

OK, so what's that, then? Sunflower...

-Seeds?

-Sesame seeds, palm...

Oil, they're oil. Sunflower oil, palm oil, sesame oil...

-And argan oil?

-Yeah.

-Do we want to go with it?

-Yeah, go with it.

That's it, you solved the wall. Very well done.

Let's have a look. Jump, Pigeon, Coronation, Ramsay.

They're all streets.

Jump Street, Pigeon Street, Coronation Street, Ramsay Street.

That's exactly right.

And the green group, Outlaw, Roux, Rhodes, Kitchin?

Celebrity chefs, we believe.

They are chefs. There's something else about them, do you know it?

Own restaurants? Michelin star?

They've all won a Michelin star, that's exactly right, yes.

Tom Kitchin is the youngest Michelin-starred chef in Scotland.

Gary Rhodes, of course, the Roux brothers and Nathan Outlaw,

-we're talking about, in that first clue.

-I pressed him by mistake.

Really?

And what about the next group? Crook, felon, scofflaw, malefactor.

They are old words for criminal.

That's right. Just means criminal, absolutely right.

And the turquoise group, sesame, palm, sunflower, argan.

I believe they're oil. Sesame oil, sunflower oil.

There is something else I want to hear.

Are they cooking oils?

Yeah, cooking oils. They're edible oils. That's the thing.

Not oils that you'd put in a car.

Or maybe you would put them in a car and the car would run,

but edible oils is what they are.

So, four points for the groups,

four more for the connections, and you get the bonus,

maximum of ten. Very well done.

Let's bring in the Escapologists now and give them the other wall,

the Water Wall, and see what they can do about solving it.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve the Water Wall,

starting now.

-OK. So there's... Walter...

-Gropius is an architect...

Walters... Walter Gropius?

Yes, Walter Gropius.

OK. Poseidon, he was a God.

-Gods of the sea...

-Great Dane...

Njord?

-I don't know what Njord is.

-Not Njord.

-Spread like wildfire, but...

-Yeah.

-Have the unwashed masses?

-But I don't know what...

-OK.

..what else could be unwashed.

-Triton is a god of the sea, did you...?

-Yeah, we got...

-We've got Triton and Poseidon.

-Yeah.

Oh, OK.

-Three lives now.

-OK.

-Plenty of time.

What have we got left? So we've got...

Could it be great Sultan, great...is it great unwashed?

Yes, there's the great unwashed.

-OK. So we've got Great Dane...

-Great unwashed...

-Great... Is there a Great Seal, maybe?

-A Great Wildfire, possibly.

-Great.

-There's always a Great Year.

-Is that not enough of a phrase?

-What about Raleigh and...?

SHE PUFFS

-Sultan, Neptune...

-Right, I mean, Raleigh is a make of bicycle.

-Are there any other makes of bicycles?

-Don't know.

-OK.

-So we've got Great Dane, Great Unwashed.

-Sultan ends in "tan".

-Great Sultan?

-There's nothing else that ends in mathematical functions.

OK.

Shall we have a go at Seal and Wildfire?

You can have a go if you want.

-BUZZ

-OK, so it's not that.

Year ends in "ear".

-I don't know. I'm trying to think of wordy ones.

-Yes.

OK, well, we've got Great Dane and Great Unwashed. Great...

Raleigh? Great Year.

Did we have Sultan on that one?

Great Sultan? No, we did Seal and Wildfire.

Shall we try...Wildfire?

-Yes?

-Yeah.

-BUZZ

-OK, it's not that.

So one go left, I think.

-One go, and 20 seconds.

-So we've got some time, so...

We've got Great Dane, Great Unwashed.

-Ten seconds.

-OK.

BUZZ Nope, that was your last life.

But you found two groups, and what about the connections?

Swinburn, Gropius...

I won't pronounce anything for fear of extra clues.

Famous Walters.

They are all Walters. Who are those Walters?

Walter Swinburn.

-Walter Swinburn was a jockey.

-Yep.

Gropius?

The founder of the Bauhaus.

Yeah, so a German architect.

Walter Matthau, of course, the actor,

and Walter Scott, the poet.

And the green group - Varuna, Triton, and so on?

Are they sea gods?

They are sea deities, that's right.

In a selection of various mythologies -

Norse, Greek and so on.

They are sea gods.

And you can still get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find. So let's resolve the Wall.

There you go. Sultan, Neptune, Raleigh, Wildfire.

Are they types of bicycle?

They are not types of bicycle.

-No, now these are Royal Navy land establishments.

-Oh.

HMS Sultan, HMS Neptune and so on.

-You weren't close to that one, were you?

-No.

Land establishments for the Royal Navy.

And the last group - Dane, Seal, Year, Unwashed.

Could they all be preceded by Great?

You can put Great in front of all of them.

So that is two points for the groups you found,

and three for the connections. That's a total of five.

Let's have a look at the scores going into Round Four.

The Escapologist have 15 points. The Cricketers have 19 points.

Now we're going to play the Missing Vowels round.

It's Round Four.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group of disguised clues are all...

Escapologists.

-GB sticker.

-Correct.

Escapologists.

-Headlamp converters.

-Well done.

Escapologists.

-Breathalyser.

-God forbid!

Escapologists.

-Warning triangle.

-Good category.

Next category.

Cricketers.

The Phantom Of The Opera and the Paris Opera House.

Very well done.

Escapologists.

-Grease and Rydell High School.

-Correct.

Escapologists.

-Cabaret and Berlin.

-Yes, it is.

Cricketers.

-Oklahoma! and Oklahoma.

-Quite right.

Next category.

Escapologists.

-Pound of flesh.

-Yes, it is.

Escapologists.

-Leave no stone unturned.

-Correct.

Escapologists.

-Like a ton of bricks.

-Yes, it is.

Escapologists.

Grain of earth.

END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

It's not. It's a grain of truth.

So you lose a point there.

But I can't throw it over

for a bonus,

because the bell has gone

for the end of the quiz.

And I can tell you that, after a very exciting night's quizzing,

the winners and staying in the competition

are the Escapologists.

What a turnaround in Round Four!

Very close second with 21 points,

it's the Cricketers.

You guys did so well to come back.

You've quizzed really well.

Sadly, it's goodbye.

Well played and unlucky.

Well done to you, Escapologists.

-Thank you.

-Great Round Four.

We'll see you next time.

That is the end of the show.

All that remains is for me to say,

"Fanny Cradock, this is your life!"

Are we using the haunted Autocue again?

Goodbye.