Vikings v Inquisitors Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect. Sorry I'm a bit out of breath -

I was running late for my weekly auto asphyxiation workshop,

and that turned into quite a session, so...

SHE EXHALES

Quizzing tonight, on my right,

Mark Oxley, a physiotherapist who's terribly

fond of his Bernese Mountain Dog Bentley.

John Wilson, a former IT professional, who was once asked

a question about coconut milk by Alan Hansen.

And their captain, Mick Lee, an engineering graduate, who

served a world tour of sausages in his sister's living room.

United by a yearning for York they are the Vikings.

You won you're last match against the Wanderers.

What have the Vikings been up to since then?

It feels like it was very recent but, yeah,

we've been hard at work in the training camp.

If you picture some kind of Shaolin monks of trivia,

that's essentially been us.

I'm enjoying picturing that right now. Well done.

Tonight you are facing, on my left, Luke Kelly,

a travel enthusiast, who shares his name with the lead

singer of The Dubliners.

Rob Cumming, a rabbit fan, who has a pet rabbit

and was born in the Year of the Rabbit.

And their captain, Julia Hobbs,

a marketing graduate, who owns a pig-shaped sandwich toaster

and has never used it to make a bacon sandwich.

All interrogators by trade, they are the Inquisitors.

You won your last match against the Eco-Warriors.

-What have you been up to since then?

-We've done a lot of sitting

in a darkened room watching old

episodes of Only Connect just to sort of get pumped.

Our viewers can relate to that. Many of them sit in darkened rooms -

not necessarily for that reason - but they like to sit there.

You won the toss, Inquisitors, so you'll be going first.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

Eye of Horus, please.

OK, what is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

Ah, yep.

So, it's, um,

the...Apple's design guru is Ives,

so it's I have, I've,

and we had, married is wed,

-so the...

-She'd and shed, so it's...

It's got an apostrophe in it

and then the bottom is with the apostrophe gone.

That's what it is, exactly.

The top bit, if you shorten it to "she'll"

and then take out the apostrophe, you get another word for "bombard".

So she'll/shell, bombard.

We had/wed, married.

She had/shed, lost hair.

And it's Ive, it's not Ives,

-Sir Jonathan Ive.

-Yeah.

-I have.

Well done spotting the word one.

Vikings, what would you like?

Water, please.

It's the music question.

What do these musical clues have in common? Here's the first.

# Libera me... #

Next, please.

# Guide me O thou great redeemer... #

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next one, please.

# Alleluia... #

We need to keep going, we can't even name that. Next, please.

# You were the grace that placed itself

# Where lives were torn apart

# You called out to our country... #

Two seconds.

OK, then. Flowers.

Not the connection, I'm afraid.

Inquisitors, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

Uh, wind?

That's not it, either.

You all recognised the last piece, what was that?

-Goodbye England's Rose.

-That's right, that was the reworking

of Candle In The Wind, Sir Elton John's

version for Princess Diana's funeral.

And all of the pieces were from the funeral

of Diana, Princess of Wales.

Libera Me from Verdi's Requiem.

Guide me O Thou Great Redeemer was the second piece.

And Song For Athene, John Tavener.

They were all pieces played at that funeral service

for Princess Diana.

-Inquisitors, what would you like?

-Lion, please.

What is the connection between these picture clues?

Here's the first.

Is that chicken?

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

-Yeah, go for it.

-Napoleonic battle...

Battles.

Very well done. They are named after battles.

Let me show you the two clues you didn't need,

and talk me through them.

I think the first one's chicken Marengo.

Exactly, and what is that battle?

-That's one of Napoleon's battles.

-1800, yes.

Then you've got Blenheim Palace, the Battle of Blenheim.

That's right, Blenheim Palace was given to the 1st Duke of Marlborough

after the Battle of Blenheim in 1704.

-And what else are we looking at?

-Is it the Kop?

Yes, that was nicknamed after Spion Kop, look-out hill,

because it sort of slanted, 1900 battle.

-And the last one is...

-The Marathon.

Named after the Battle of Marathon.

Very well spotted after just two clues.

-Vikings, what would you like?

-Horned Viper.

OK, what is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

OK, next, please.

That's when the dodo became extinct...

Oh...

-It's when birds became extinct.

-Oh, brilliant.

I'm not sure why I was quite that happy about it, but it's

when birds became extinct.

Brilliant! Extinction.

-Get in.

-But it is brilliant.

That's very well spotted, you only needed three clues.

-What birds are we talking about?

-The moa.

The moa is a sort of ostrich-like flightless bird.

-The great hawk.

-It would be the great hawk,

they were killed on Eldey,

a little island off Iceland in 1844.

-The dodo.

-Yeah.

-Passenger pigeon.

That's right, the passenger pigeon.

The last known one, do you know what it was called?

Lucky.

It was called Martha in honour of the First Lady Martha Washington.

Died at Cincinnati Zoo in 1914.

Do you know what's interesting about the Pyrenean ibex?

It's one of these Lazarus animals which was extinct

and then was kind of brought back.

That's it. It was the first-ever species to become un-extinct.

It was cloned in 2009.

Unfortunately, the clone only lived for seven minutes

and died again but it was made un-extinct.

Well done. Good extra knowledge.

So, 2 points to you, Vikings.

Inquisitors, what would you like?

Twisted Flax, please.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Next?

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Oh, OK.

I'm informed by my colleagues that these are what was done with

the remains of the person in...in the question.

It is about ashes. This is a cheery episode, isn't it?

We had a funeral, now we're talking about ashes.

Absolutely right. So, let's have a chat about these clues.

What's going on at clue one?

I don't know... Presumably they smoked him.

Yes, apparently in his song - do you say song, rap, piece? - Black Jesus,

he said, "Last wishes..."

And then something I think I don't want to say.

"Last wishes, my dear friends and colleagues, smoke my ashes."

And apparently his band Outlawz

mixed his ashes with dope

and smoked them.

Although wouldn't that just make more ashes?

-And who's Fred Baur?

-So he's the designer of the Pringles can

-and his ashes were put into a Pringles can.

-That's right,

he wanted to be buried in a Pringles can and his children

went to the supermarket to choose one and his son Larry said,

"My siblings and I debated which flavour to use,

"but I said we need to use the original."

To be buried in the cheese and onion flavour would just be undignified.

-And who's James Doohan?

-He is Scotty from Star Trek?

-That's right,

his ashes went into space.

And Hunter S Thompson, his ashes were fired from a cannon.

-Who paid for that?

-Johnny Depp. Cost him a mint as well.

So, very well done. 3 points after two clues.

Back to you, Vikings, for the last question of the round,

the Two Reeds. You'll be seeing a series of clues, what do they have

in common? Here's the first.

OK, well, we need the next... Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

-Shall we?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Don't.

This is some top quizzing.

"Don't" is the connection. I'm going to show you all four clues.

What's happening here?

Well, Don't Turn Around is Aswad.

Don't Look Back In Anger would be Oasis.

-Don't Cha would be the Pussycat Dolls.

-Yeah.

Don't Call Me Baby. Right, that's '80s, innit?

Voice Of The Beehive, maybe?

Yeah, Voice Of The Beehive or Madison Avenue from 2000.

-Yes.

-Exactly so. You put "don't" in front of all of them

and you get UK number ones. Very well done.

It means, at the end of a lovely round one,

the Vikings have 5 points,

the Inquisitors have 7.

Great relief for both teams as that round comes to an end and

we go on to round two.

Will there be a music sequence? Here's hoping.

Inquisitors, you'll be going first again,

-which hieroglyph would you like?

-We'll take Two Reeds, please.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Sunday...our fiends.

I need to hear something specific.

-Our best friends?

-Not it, I'm afraid.

Vikings, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

-Sunday...tea with our friends?

-It's not.

They are toasts.

-It's Sunday: absent friends.

-Ah!

These are Royal Navy toasts.

After dinner, in wardrooms on land or at sea,

on a Thursday they would toast a bloody war or a sickly season.

A sickly season meaning sort of high casualties

and the surviving members of the crew might be promoted,

so you'd sort of wish for that, oddly.

Friday...

Saturday...

And Sunday...

Now, it wasn't always our families. Do you know what it used to be?

-The Queen?

-Oh, something like mistresses and...

-Wives and mistresses.

-Well, they didn't say mistresses,

the official toast on Saturday was, "Our wives and sweethearts,"

and then the men would shout, "May they never meet!"

And they changed that in 2013 because of women at sea.

Though women had been at sea for 20 years or more, they changed it.

Although, I think that's so typical. They took the humour away.

They just made it "our families". Cos you could have said,

"Our spouses and sweethearts."

And then you could still say, "May they never meet!"

But, oh, no, they gotta take the joking away.

So it became "our families".

Royal Navy toasts and "absent friends" would have been next.

-Vikings, what would you like?

-The Eye of Horus, please.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

-Oh, it must be the...

-Is it The Very Hungry Caterpillar?

-No, it's the stages of a pupa and a butterfly.

-Caterpillar.

I think that's a good guess.

There's gotta be something that's a butterfly, then, other than,

well, a knife.

Swimming stroke.

-Right, shall we?

-Yeah.

Swimming stroke.

A swimming stroke or the back of an earring,

something like that would be an acceptable answer.

What's happening in this sequence?

That's the life cycle of a butterfly.

Blondie on Chrysalis.

-Oh, yes.

-It's exactly so.

Britain's first internet bank, as you spotted early, was Egg.

It did very well and then sort of disappeared in the dotcom boom.

It was a victim of that.

Continuous track on a tank is a caterpillar,

the rolling bit underneath.

Started on tractors and went on to tanks.

Blondie's record label was Chrysalis

and then butterfly.

-Back to you Inquisitors.

-Lion, please.

OK, what will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Uh...why selenium?

Is the right answer.

What's going on here, Rob?

Um, Why-Be, Why-C, Why-Au...

Why-because.

That's exactly so. We're shortening the elements, of course,

so beryllium becomes Be, carbon C, gold au.

B-E-C-A-U and selenium is Se. Why?

-ALL:

-Because.

Vikings, your turn for a choice.

Twisted Flax, please.

OK, these are going to be picture clues. What sort of thing would you

expect to see in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

Next, please.

Is that Quentin Willson?

I'm not sure it is, no.

I think we need the next, don't we?

Next, please.

That is Mark Lawson.

Is this Chancellors of the Exchequer?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Does that help?

-We've got Mark, John...

-Oh, so you want a Luke, do you?

Two seconds.

Luke Haines, lead singer of The Auteurs.

I'm afraid that would not complete the sequence.

Inquisitors, do you want to have a go for a bonus?

Naughtie.

Not it, I'm afraid. Vikings, what did you think the sequence was?

I now realise it's Matthew, Mark, Luke, John the wrong way round.

It's Evangelists. The problem is your second clue is Luke Harvey,

the jockey and broadcaster.

It is Evangelists and it goes John, Luke, Mark -

we're going backwards to a Matthew.

We've got Matthew Parris, best known for being

on the Goldfinger's Team of a charity special of Only Connect.

The former MP, a great Times columnist.

Did you ever see that episode?

He was on with Charlie Higson and Daisy Goodwin.

He was against Rosie Boycott, Richard Osman and Clarke Carlisle.

Richard Osman, of course, almost unbeatable.

He had a ridiculous round of ways to

leave your lover on the missing vowels.

He was shouting them before the clues had even come up.

No points there, then. Inquisitors, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

1 Cornwall.

Not the answer. Unless you've got an alternative sequence?

-We were thinking...

-Number of counties around them.

-Oh, no,

that doesn't work as a sequence.

Vikings, do you want to have a go for a bonus?

-1 Cleveland.

-And why would that be?

Cos we're swinging wildly at a guess.

Let me ask you this question.

How will you be getting home after the series is complete?

In my motorcar.

-And what route will you be taking?

-I'll be taking the M1.

The M1 towards West Yorkshire? Why didn't you say so before?

That is clue four. These are motorways and where they finish.

The M4 goes from West London to Pont Abraham in Carmarthenshire.

M3 also from West London to Southampton in Hampshire.

The M2, it's entirely in Kent.

And the M1 goes from London to Leeds in West Yorkshire.

How rueful you'll feel as you look at the signs on the way home.

But you may have the Horned Viper question that remains.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Yeah, OK, this is backwards in the Bourne films.

The first one, as you'll have seen in ITV a lot of times, is

Identity, is it?

Are you good with Bourne?

Um, Ultimatum, etc being in there.

-It's low stakes, we can hot dog a bit, shall we?

-Yeah.

-OK.

The Bourne Identity.

Nice hot-dogging but I'm afraid no buns for you because that is

not the sequence we have in mind.

So I'm going to show the next two clues to the

Inquisitors for a possible bonus.

Oh.

These are the last in...

-I can't give you long.

-Um... Oh.

-No, you don't know.

-No.

-What sequence were you thinking of?

We were thinking it was the Jason Bourne films in reverse order.

If that were the sequence it would have been Supremacy anyway.

But I'm afraid that's not the sequence.

It is the Bourne films part five.

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

was the fourth in that series, Bridget Jones's Baby was the third,

so we wanted to hear a film that was the second in the series.

For example, Basic Instinct 2 we went with.

Yes, it is fifth, fourth, third and second parts of a film series.

But I like your gambling.

And it's a new phrase to me - hot-dogging.

-Yeah.

-What does it mean? Gambling?

-Showboating.

-Oh, OK.

-I like it.

-You get it from...

..skiing and other sports.

That's why I don't know it, I stay away from those.

That means, at the end of round two, the Vikings have 8 points,

the Inquisitors have 9.

On to the Connecting Wall and, Vikings,

you'll be going first this time. Would you like Lion or Water?

-Water.

-OK, you've got two and a half minutes to solve the Water Wall,

starting now.

Erm...clip-on tie. Kipper tie.

Bowtie.

Bow.

Four in hand is a knot, yeah, so's ascot.

Oh, ascot is a tie...

Four in hand and... Bow I think could be a few other things.

Let's go kipper.

Bloater is also a smoked fish.

Is it?

It has the look of one.

Just one there...

Erm, right.

Have a play with this if you want to...

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Oh, yeah, a bolo tie, it's what the cowboys wear, innit?

Right.

Let's go fish.

Buckling? No.

Try surstromming.

Let's take bloater out, maybe.

Oh!

No, OK, right.

Buckling, bloater.

Anything else?

Life Of Brian?

-Those are...

-Anagrams.

But there's nothing else, is there?

Yeah, OK, so Life Of Brian...

-Take a photograph, take a chance.

-Great.

-You can take a bow.

-Yes, you can.

-Right.

-Three lives now.

Astrophysics, Astro Boy. Astro...

That's a kid's character.

So's Brian.

-Brain.

-Brain is in Thunderbirds, aye.

-Astro.

-Well, there's Astro Boy.

And the rest of them look kind of fishy,

but I think we've been round...

You've solved the Wall. Well done.

What about the connecting points?

Tell me about the first group starting ascot.

They are ties, neckwear.

That's right, they are all ties.

And the green group:

Taker.

Things you can take.

And the next one:

They are children's cartoon characters.

I need to hear something specific.

-Dogs.

-They are cartoon dogs.

And the last group:

Prepared fish.

-There is one word I need to hear.

-Smoked.

-Herring.

-Herring, yes.

-Herring.

Yes, we need to be specific now.

They are herring dishes.

Are you familiar with surstromming?

Is that the one that's pickled for years and it's awful

and it smells horrendous?

The smell is so foul that it can only be eaten outdoors.

They stopped serving it on planes.

It's illegal to carry it on buses,

-isn't it?

-Yeah.

I thought there was some in the

studio the other day. It was

just the crew.

You solved the Wall.

You found four groups, you got the four connecting points,

you get the bonus, that's a maximum of 10.

Let's bring in the Inquisitors now and give them the other Wall

and see what they can do about solving it.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall starting now.

Swinegate, Watergate.

-Uh...

-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

These are places in...York?

Swinegate. Shambles. Pavement.

Bunga Bunga was a scandal.

Watergate was a scandal.

Farrago?

It's a kind of a scandal.

Teapot Dome sounds like a scandal.

Jumble sale, car-boot sale, flash...

-Yeah, go for it.

-Flash sale?

So if we've got scandals, Rainbow Warrior was

kind of a scandal as well. Shall we go for sales?

Yeah, go on.

-Right.

-Right.

I still think Teapot Dome is a scandal.

Hodgepodge.

You can make a farrago of something.

And a gallimaufry has to be that cos

God knows what that other word's going to be.

So we think Rainbow Warrior must be part of the scandals with

Bunga Bunga, Watergate and Teapot Dome.

You've solved the Wall.

Amazing. Very well done.

Let's look for the connections.

Shambles...

-They are places in York.

-They are. Yes, I wonder

what would have happened if the other team had chosen that.

Mind you, they could hardly have solved it faster than you.

Have you been to York?

You have been literally everywhere,

every place that comes up.

"Have you ever been to Mongolia?"

"Actually, I worked there for a few years back in the day."

Amazing. You have the life of

somebody that is 400 years old.

And the skin.

And the green group:

-They are types of sale.

-Well done.

And the next group starting gallimaufry.

They are ways to make a mess of things.

Exactly. All things you didn't do with that Wall.

All words for muddle.

And the last one:

They are scandals of a political nature.

That's right.

Because the Rainbow Warrior,

that was when the Greenpeace ship

was sunk by French agents

and that caused a lot of political fallout.

And Bunga Bunga is what?

That's Berlusconi's parties.

Exactly. His "special" parties.

So 4 points for the groups you found,

4 points for the connections and the bonus.

That is a maximum of 10 points.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

So two perfect Walls means the pressure is on for round four,

the missing vowels round.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group are all...

-Inquisitors.

-Cents in a dollar.

-Correct.

Well, why would anyone know that here?

-Inquisitors.

-Sum of the first nine primes.

-Very well done.

-Inquisitors.

-Zeroes in a googol.

-Correct. Next category.

-Vikings.

-The Woman In Black Mirror.

-Correct.

-Inquisitors.

-Romeo And Juliet Bravo.

-Yes, it is.

-Vikings.

-Endgame Of Thrones.

-Correct.

-Inquisitors.

-A Doll's House Of Cards.

-Correct. Next category.

-Inquisitors.

-The Eternal City.

-Rome.

-Vikings.

-The City Of Light.

-Paris.

-Vikings.

-Auld Reekie.

-Cameraman two.

-Vikings.

-The Pearl Of The Danube.

Giving the answer just as the bell goes. That is correct. Budapest.

But it's the end of the quiz

and after some really brilliant quizzing by all six of you,

I can tell you that the winners and straight through to the

semifinal with 25 points are the Inquisitors.

And a brilliant 23 points

for you, Vikings.

You will get another chance to go

through to the semifinal later

in the series. But very well done, everybody.

Really great stuff from all of you.

Before we go, I just want to share a lovely message

I received from a group of viewers since last week.

"Hello, we are super-intelligent molluscs from the future

"who feast on human flesh and we'd just like to say how much

"we love watching reruns of Only Connect to whet our appetites

"for eating your descendants.

"We do quite well on the round one and two questions

"but, being molluscs, we do tend to get stuck on the Wall."

Isn't that nice? Goodbye.