Eco-Warriors v Escapologists Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect,

coming to you from a studio haunted by the gaunt figure

of our former question editor, Mr Connor,

who has sadly passed over to the other side...

ITV, where his mental acuity and intellectual rigour

have proved a ratings disaster.

Two new teams tonight.

On my right, Jonathan Kershaw,

a self-described tree-hugging petrolhead

who works as an assistant manager in a betting shop,

Peter Barlow, a keen hill walker

who was photographed by a convoy of Japanese tourists

while patting a red deer on the nose,

and their captain, Brett Bostock,

a retired mental health manager

who has been appointed Grand Consorting Wizard

at Rochdale College.

United by a reverence for recycling,

they are the Eco-warriors.

I hear your Only Connect journey has already been a bit of an odyssey.

-What's that about?

-Well, our motto is "If at first you don't succeed,

-"try another five times."

-So you've auditioned five times before?

No, we applied five times,

we've auditioned three times

-and this time, we're here.

-Excellent.

Well, our standards have really gone down. No, they haven't!

You've got much better as a team.

Let's see how you fare tonight against, on my left,

Frank Paul, a pub quiz master

with a degree in Arabic and Islamic Studies,

who enjoys creating strange and surreal works of art using Biros,

Tom Rowell, a high school teaching assistant

who competed in the Great North Run

and was beaten by a man carrying a fridge on his back,

and their captain, Lydia Mizon,

an American Studies graduate,

who once came third in a competition requiring her

to guess the weight of a nun on a bicycle.

United by an appetite for escapology,

they are the Escapologists.

So, you're a team that enjoys cracking escape rooms.

What does that mean?

So, they are buildings where you are put in a room for 60 minutes

and you have to try and get out

using all the instruments at hand.

-Genuinely? It's not online? Real?

-No, you go to them in cities.

We try and do one in every city that we go to.

I'm very impressed.

Our escape route is not always 100% successful but it's good fun trying.

Normally, if you see a team name like Escapologists on this show,

it means they like to escape a thorny quiz question.

No, actual escapologists. Very impressive.

Eco-warriors, you won the toss. You'll be going first,

so please choose

-an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Lion.

Lion. That will be the first question of the game.

Four apparently random clues

all have something in common.

What is it?

Here's the first.

INDISTINGUISHABLE

-Italian artists.

-Yeah, shall we get another?

-Yes, I think so.

-Next.

-Airports.

-No, I think they're brothers-in-law.

-Ah.

-I'm going for it.

-Go on, then.

-BELL

I think these people are brothers-in-law.

Very well done.

Coming in after two clues,

you get three points.

You didn't need to see the next two clues.

What can you tell me about these people?

Who are the people in the first clue?

Well, Bellini was the Italian...

I presume, because it's Mantegna,

he'd be the sculptor, wouldn't he?

Renaissance. As in he was married

-to the painter's sister.

-Yeah.

Peter Lawford from the Rat Pack...

-Yeah. Was married to Kennedy's sister.

-That's right.

Frank Sinatra used to call him the Brother-In-Lawford.

Yes, Patricia Kennedy, he was married to.

And who are those people in the next clue?

The two England cricketers.

And I think everybody knows Prince Edward and Tim Laurence.

Vice Admiral Tim Laurence, married to Princess Anne.

Well quizzed, coming in early.

Escapologists, what would you like?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-Eye of Horus.

MUSICAL NOTE

Oh, it's a music question.

It's nice to get that out of the way, isn't it?

You'll be hearing your clues.

What links them? Here's the first.

# Within the woodlands, flowery gladed... #

Next, please.

# You're the top

# You're the Coliseum... #

Next? Next, please

# Abra, abracadabra... #

Steve Miller Band.

# I want to reach out and grab you... #

-Steve Miller Band?

-# Abra, abracadabra... #

Next, please.

# School's out for summer... #

-Is that Alice Cooper?

-Yeah.

# School's out forever... # Three seconds.

BELL

Go for it.

Do they all share their names with Labour MPs?

That's not the answer I'm looking for

and I'm just having a quick think.

No, they do not all share their names with Labour MPs.

So, Eco-warriors, chance of a bonus point.

We think they all have names

which relate to occupations.

Their names are those

of traditional trades.

Now, you, I think, recognised the Steve Miller Band

and were thinking of that old joke.

We thought you might be being clever.

Us, being clever?

We're far too clever to spell "Miliband" like that,

if it's names of MPs. Good guess though. What else did we hear?

-Alice Cooper.

-Mm-hmm.

-And...

-You're The Top's Cole Porter, isn't it?

Yeah, so porter, miller, cooper

and the first one, Dame Janet Baker.

-Ah.

-Yes, it's the names of traditional trades.

Did you know that a baker's dozen doesn't mean 13,

or it doesn't have to?

Do you know where it comes from, baker's dozen, the expression?

I believe it's to make sure

-that they made the agreed weight of bread.

-That's right,

because they'd be penalised

if they undersupplied,

if they sent underweight goods, so they added an extra loaf,

but sometimes it would be two loaves to go over the weight,

so it could be 14 or 15. It doesn't have to be 13.

My interesting fact of the day.

Well done, you get a bonus point.

Surnames of traditional trades.

-And you may now choose your own question.

-Horned Viper.

The Horned Viper. These are going to be picture clues.

Something connects them. What is it?

Time starts now.

THE ECO-WARRIORS LAUGH

Which car is it?

-Are they going to be musical terms?

-I have no idea.

-Next.

-I'm not even sure who he is.

-Oh...

He's the Italian singer chap, isn't he?

-Joe Dolce. Is it?

-Yeah?

-It might be.

-What's "dolce"?

-It's musical terms.

-Let's just go for it.

-BELL

We think they get their names from musical terms.

They share their names with musical terms. Very well done.

It was quite alarming the way they cackled at the first picture,

-wasn't it?

-It really was.

-Something chilling about that.

Why were you laughing when you saw the first clue?

-My dad had one and I learnt to drive in one.

-In one what?

-An Austin Allegro.

-It is an Austin Allegro.

I will always have a soft spot. They are much derided

but I'll always have a soft spot for the Austin Allegro.

Has the cruel nickname of All-aggro.

All-aggro.

Also an anagram of "A slug relation".

So, you recognised the Allegro and Joe Dolce,

and what about these clues you didn't need to see? What are they?

Oh, that's Largo from Thunderball.

-Mm-hmm.

-And piano.

Piano, that's exactly right.

Again, very well buzzed after just two clues.

So, some catching up to do, Escapologists.

Which question would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

-So, he's...

-Hamlet.

-Yeah.

Next.

-Who's that?

-I don't know.

-Do you know who that is?

-No.

-I know the name. Next.

Oh, he was the guy that died in EastEnders.

He was murdered in the first episode.

OK, was Polonius the first person to die in Hamlet?

-He might be.

-Right...

Shall we do it?

I don't... So... Reg Cox was

the first ever person to die?

Yeah, he died in the first scene of EastEnders.

-OK, so maybe they're the first people to die...

-Oh, no, hang on.

BELL

-Go on.

-They're the first people

to die in whatever they're in.

They are the first people to die in famous works.

You didn't need to see the last one,

Abel from the Bible.

What can you tell me about these people?

Reg Cox dies in the very first scene

of the very first episode of EastEnders, I think.

-Who killed him?

-Was it Nick Cotton?

-It was Nick Cotton, yes.

-Oh, was it?

Bludgeoned him to death to steal

his war medals for drug money.

I don't think he dies in the show.

I think he's found dead

and Nick Cotton's done it.

What about that second clue?

I know the name but I don't... I can't put it to a...

-Game Of Thrones. First person to die in Game Of Thrones.

-Oh, my God!

-Polonius...

-Is Hamlet?

-Yes.

Polonius is in Hamlet.

Stabbed right through the arras. Very nasty.

First characters to die in famous works.

Eco-warriors, there is a last choice this round. What would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Why the V?

What's that for?

-Could be five...

-Yeah.

-So...

Next, please.

Ah! It's... Yes.

-Go on.

-BELL

They can be preceded by MP, the bit in brackets.

I've got another question for you.

Why did it take you five attempts

to get on this show?

This is amazing quizzing!

MP goes before V to make a people carrier,

before 3 to make an audio format.

You didn't need to see the next ones,

MPG and measurement of speed, miles per hour.

Very, very good quizzing.

One question left for you, Escapologists. The Water question.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

X and Y could be axis. They could be all X and Y,

-so it could be a Coldplay album.

-Next.

Oh. OK...

Axis... Shall we do next? Next.

It's the symbol for plus, minus, multiply and divide,

-so it's a line and two dots.

-It's not a sequence.

-Yeah, I think...

-BELL

You say it.

They're the symbols that make up

addition, subtraction,

multiplication and division.

That's exactly what it is. Very well spotted. Good quizzing from you too.

You didn't need to see the last one.

Can you just explain to me,

perhaps using a forefinger,

if you have to, how this question works?

So, vertical and horizontal

is like that.

-That's right.

-Horizontal.

-Yeah.

-Two diagonals.

-Yeah.

And horizontal between two dots.

That's a harder one to mime, the division sign.

Yes, basic arithmetic operators

represented by lines. Well done.

That means, at the end of round one...

Onto round two, the sequences round.

This time, the teams may see a maximum of three clues

because I want to know what would come fourth.

You'll be going first again, Eco-warriors.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Eye of Horus.

-The Eye of Horus.

You're going to see

the first in a sequence.

You may see two more if you like.

What comes fourth?

Your time starts now.

INDISTINGUISHABLE

We'll have to see how the sequence runs. Next, please.

INDISTINGUISHABLE

Do we think it's going to be

something like five vegetables, five fruit and veg a day?

-I think we'll have to see the next one before...

-OK.

-Yeah, next.

-Next.

-Oh, they're things to do for charity, aren't they?

-Oh, um...

What's next? Movember...

One second.

Oh, dear, the clock's run down.

That's the end of the question. I'm so sorry, you're out of time.

So, a bonus chance for you, Escapologists.

A charity challenge that you would do in December?

Well, I think you've solved the riddle,

so I'll give it to you but I'd love you to be more specific.

Can you think of one?

-Buy sponsored Christmas presents in some way?

-Good enough. Exactly.

Any kind of attempt to raise money

for charity in December. And why?

They are sponsored...

Well, not sponsored necessarily,

but personal challenges that you can set yourself in certain months.

So, Stoptober, Movember.

Do you know what the first one is?

-Steptember.

-Of course! Steptember, Stoptober,

Movember and, apparently,

-Decembeard is a thing.

-Ah.

Something you can do specifically in the month of December

to raise money for charity.

You get the bonus and would you like to choose your own question?

-Lion, please.

-Lion, OK.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Middle name...

-Or Trump's children.

-Oh, yeah.

-Next.

Yes, it is. Who's the oldest?

-Donald Jr.

-Barron Trump.

He's quite young though.

No, Tiffany's the youngest, Eric is older.

Then there's Ivana and Donald, but I don't know which one is older.

Next, please.

BELL

-Donald Jr.

-Is the right answer.

And why would that be?

They are the children of Donald Trump from youngest to eldest,

although I think there's some younger than Tiffany.

These are the children of Donald Trump that we know about.

There are younger ones before Tiffany.

We're starting at Tiffany and getting older

and the older one is Donald Jr.

Which is your favourite of the Trump children?

Oh, um...

-Eric.

-I like Barron. He doesn't appear in the sequence.

I quite like Barron Trump.

He seems like a character in Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

There's something about him.

He'd be falling into the sweets or something like that.

Yes, Donald Trump's children going up to the oldest one, Donald Jr.

Well done.

-Back to you, Eco-warriors, for a choice.

-Horned Viper, please.

Horned Viper, OK. These are going to be picture clues.

I want to know what sort of thing you'd expect to see

in the fourth picture. Here's the first.

-Nuts.

-Brazil nuts.

INDISTINGUISHABLE

Next, please.

-That's Sean Connery.

-And that's The Moscow House.

Right.

Oh... Um, I think...

INDISTINGUISHABLE

-Right, OK.

-Next.

Three seconds. BELL

I think we're going for anything with James Bond in.

I'm afraid that's not it.

Bonus chance for you, Escapologists.

-Something with China in it?

-For example?

-A china doll?

-A china doll.

There you go. We chose a china doll ourselves. And why is that?

-Um, what did we think?

-It's Brazil, Russia, India and then China.

It's population going up, is it?

Oh, it's not population.

It's the BRIC countries.

It's to do with countries of similar economic status,

so Brazil, Russia... It's a still from The Russia House, the film.

India pale ale. So, something from China. BRIC. A china doll.

Well done, you get the bonus point

and it's your turn for a question.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next.

INDISTINGUISHABLE

Next.

English jury has 12, so something with 13.

-Rugby league.

-A baker's dozen possibly.

BELL

A rugby league team.

And why would that be?

It has 13 people in it.

An acceptable answer. Well done.

I want to hear something with 13 people in it.

I heard you muttering about a baker's dozen. That's no good is it?

That could be 14 or 15 people,

not 13. What's going on here?

So, something with 10, 11,

12 and 13 people in it.

-A jury's got 12, field hockey team, 11.

-Exactly so.

A jury has 12 people in it

in Wales where we are.

I think it's 15 in Scotland.

Other parts of the world it's different, but here, it's 12 people.

-And what's a minyan?

-I have no idea.

-Do you know over there?

-No. Nine somethings.

-It's ten somethings.

-It's ten.

It's a quorum in Judaism.

You need ten men, if you're going to pray. A minyan. You need ten.

Very well done. And back to you, Eco-warriors. What would you like?

-Twisted Flax.

-The Twisted Flax, OK.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Which way is it going?

-We'll have to see the next one.

-Next, please.

-Ah.

-Um...

-Is it GoldenEye?

-GoldenEye was Pierce Brosnan's first one.

-Roger Moore's first one.

-Licence To Kill.

-No.

No, that's Roger Moore's first one, that's Tim Dalton's first one.

-Right, so it's going...

-I think you can say Casino Royale.

BELL

-Casino Royale.

-Is the right answer.

Although I'm rather sorry you didn't try, on this one,

to say "Something with James Bond in it?"

Casino Royale is the right answer. Why is that?

They're the first Bond films

of each particular actor in that.

Exactly. So, which Bonds?

Live And Let Die, Roger Moore.

Living Daylights, Tim Dalton.

GoldenEye, Pierce Brosnan.

-Casino Royale, Daniel Craig.

-That's it.

We needed to hear what is the first appearance

of the next Bond, Daniel Craig,

and that would be Casino Royale.

Well done. Escapologists, one question left - Water.

What would come fourth in the Water sequence? Here's the first.

-Encumber or cucumber, maybe.

-Next.

-So, aardvark. So, double A or...

-So, cucumber... Double A, R.

Or encumber.

-It's Q, R, S, T.

-Q, R, S, T.

Something with T at the start.

Yeah, or T-E-E at the start.

-So, Teesside. Sside, because...

-BELL

-Sside.

-And why would that be?

Q-cumber, R-dvark...

-S something.

-S-capologists.

-Then T-sside.

-T-sside.

Very good. We went with S-pionage.

Very well done. You spotted the sequence. And T-pot as the answer.

So, we're missing homophones for Q, R, S

and something that would have begun with T,

like "teapot", or "Teesside". Very well spotted.

That means, at the end of round two...

Connecting Wall time now. 16 jumbled up clues

that the teams need to sort into four connected groups of four.

Escapologists, you'll be going first this time.

You've got the choice - Lion or Water?

Lion, please.

OK, two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall, starting now.

-OK.

-They're pets from Blue Peter.

-Yeah, they are. Kari.

-Cookie was one.

-Yeah. Socks.

-BUZZ

-Socks became Cookie.

-They changed the name. Willow sounds like one.

-Go on, then.

Caroline Aherne, Ricky Tomlinson are from the Royle Family.

-BUZZ

-Yes, so's Craig Cash.

-And Sue Johnston.

-Nice.

OK, so you've got Kari and Oke. Cookie...

-And... We tried Willow, didn't we?

-Yeah.

-And Socks isn't right.

-BUZZ

-So, one of these must be.

-There you go.

-Three lives now.

-So, we've got...

-I can't remember where Bruton is.

-It's in the North somewhere.

-OK.

-In Cumbria.

-It's probably a person's name as well.

-Yeah.

There's a folk song called Bruton Town which is rather good.

Is he an actor?

INDISTINGUISHABLE

Are these things that are missing letters?

-Like Nort is North or Snort.

-Nort is a homophone for naught, the number.

-Oh, yes.

-But I can't think of another.

-Roe is another homophone.

-Well, Oke is a homophone of a tree.

-Roe is a homophone...

-Or is that just a tree?

-Um...

-Do you think there's four soaps?

-Yeah...

Karaoke...

-She designed a wedding dress for someone.

-No, that's Burton.

-You've got a minute left.

-OK.

-Cow-en or Coe-en. How do you pronounce that?

-I guess Cow-en.

-What about the bottom one?

-I don't know. Haughey.

They might be in Cumbria or somewhere, I don't know.

-I really think this is an anagram of "torn".

-Yeah.

An anagram of "Tron". That's an anagram of "ore".

Oke and Roe sound like they could be anagrams.

That's an anagram of Burton.

-Could they be surnames?

-Shall we guess at something?

-Yeah.

30 seconds.

Those four?

BUZZ

Rome would be missing...

There's an Oke for Oklahoma.

INDISTINGUISHABLE

-Ten seconds.

-Shall we try something else?

-Yeah.

-What shall we try?

We'd better do it quickly.

That's it, you've solved the Wall!

-Possibly by accident.

-Completely by accident!

Let's see, when we look for the connections.

The first blue group.

Surnames of actors in The Royle Family.

Actors in that TV show, The Royle Family. Quite right.

What about the green group, starting Kari?

-They are pets on Blue Peter.

-They are. Can you be more specific?

-Cats?

-They are cats, Blue Peter cats, absolutely right.

And the next group?

Bruton, Cowen, Kenny and Haughey?

Are they presidents of Ireland?

Ooh, I'm very sorry. You're so close, but it's not.

It's Irish Taoisighs and they're not presidents.

That is a completely different set of people.

I'm sorry, I can't take it.

Onto the next group. Oke, Roe, Little, Nort.

They can be followed by "hampton" to make place names.

-They absolutely can.

-Ah, that's good stuff!

Okehampton, Littlehampton, Nort becomes Northampton, of course.

But you found all four groups

and you got three connections. That is a total of seven points.

Time to bring in the Eco-warriors now,

give them a new Connecting Wall, the Water Wall,

see what they can do about solving it.

You have two and a half minutes

to attack this Water Wall, starting now.

Right, Chania's on Crete.

-Um...

-That's a bun, a bread thing.

That's a bread thing... Is there a Belgian one?

-Chelsea.

-Chelsea.

-Try that one again.

-BUZZ

-No, that's not it. Um...

-I need another bun.

-Sally Lunn.

-We have..

-She can't be anything else.

INDISTINGUISHABLE

-BUZZ

-Right, we have yoghurts.

We have Ski, Oykos, Muller and Onken.

-Onken at the top.

-BUZZ

-That's not it.

-Not that group.

-Right.

-Right, so we've got Patras.

-Yeah.

-Larissa..

-Chania.

-Chania.

And try Volos.

-Yes!

-Get the buns.

-Chelsea, Sally Lunn...

-Sally Lunn. Hot Cross...

-Hot cross.

Um...

-Colston.

-Try, yeah.

-BUZZ

-Not that one.

-Go-go.

-There isn't a Belgian one.

-We've had the Belgian one.

-Right.

-Cowboy.

-Yeah.

-Go-go...

Colston...

-Are they boots?

-Chelsea boots...

-BUZZ

-Chelsea boots, cowboy boots.

-Go-go boots, I'm guessing.

-Yeah.

-Ski boots.

-Ski boots.

-Yes, OK.

-Three lives now. Jab with care.

I think it might be Onken, Oykos, um, Muller and...

-Is there a Belgian?

-Oh, Total. That's Greek yoghurt.

-Total.

-Get the yoghurts.

-Muller, Onken and Oykos.

You've solved the Wall! Very well done.

And you'll get extra points if you can tell me the connections.

What about that first blue group?

I'm not even going to try to pronounce it.

Perhaps you'd like to have a go.

They are major towns on Greek islands.

-They're cities.

-Cities.

But towns are... A city's a sort of town, so I'll give you that.

And the green group?

They're all boots of one kind or another.

-You weren't familiar with the go-go boot?

-No.

-I vaguely remember them.

My card says they're women's knee-high boots

-but who's so specific these days?

-Ah, well.

-These days, yeah.

What about the next group? Onken, Muller, Oykos, Total.

-They make yoghurts.

-They are yoghurts.

And the last one, Sally Lunn, Colston, Belgian, Hot cross?

-They're buns.

-They are all buns, types of bun. Very well done.

Four points for the groups, four for the connections.

That is a total of eight

and the bonus for getting it all right, it's a maximum of ten.

Let's have a look at the scores as we go into the final round.

It is a very close match and, of course, in round four,

you can lose points as well as gaining them.

It's the Missing Vowels round, where we take well-known names, phrases

or sayings, take out the vowels and squidge together the consonants.

On the plus side, I will tell you the connections up front.

On the minus side, if you get it wrong by so much as one letter,

I will take a point away, so buzz with care.

Fingers on the bells then, teams.

I can tell you that the first group are all...

-Mobile phone number.

-Correct.

-Company logo.

-Correct.

-Twitter handle.

-You put that on a business card? Correct.

-Job title.

-Correct.

Next category.

-Sunderland and SR.

-Correct.

Swansea and S...A?

Not it, I'm afraid. Eco-warriors, do you know?

-Swansea and SA.

-Yes, that was too slow, I'm afraid. Next clue.

This is a tricky one.

Next clue.

No? It's...

Next category.

-Birth of Vera Lynn.

-Correct.

-The Balfour Declaration.

-Correct.

MUSIC SIGNALS END OF ROUND

That clue was...

The spy, of course. But too late

because the bell has gone. It's the end of the quiz

and I can tell you that the winners and through to the next round,

with 27 points,

are the Eco-warriors.

In second place, with 23,

it's the Escapologists.

Under our new system,

the highest-scoring finishers in round one, just two teams,

will go through to the next round.

Escapologists, that's a very good score.

I think it's a very good chance

that you will escape from exit

and get through to the next round,

so we might be seeing you again.

Thank you for playing. Thank you for playing too.

And as I alluded to, at the top of the show,

we have a new question editor, Mr Waley-Cohen,

so thanks to him too. "What's he like?", I hear you ask.

A god, magnificent, intense at first,

ultimately sensuous, a fabled swordsman.

Six letters. It's his favourite crossword clue.

He loves doing them as he rests his bad back.

The answer's Aramis, by the way. Goodbye.