Quiz show in which links must be made between seemingly random things. A team of rowers plays three fans of the Listener crossword in the second quarter-final.
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Hello and welcome to Only Connect,
the quiz show recently described
as the finest programme on British television.
I'm not sure by whom, since it was anonymous and on the internet.
But then, any opinion worth listening to nowadays usually is.
The show has also been described by some commentators
as strangely free from applause and laughter.
Happy now? I know I'm not.
This is a quarter final, so we've got some returning teams.
Starting with, on my right,
Andrew Lyman, chemistry graduate
and rugby league fan,
who now works as a shift manager in a chemical plant.
Jane Teather, a Cambridge graduate
and crossword obsessive
who now works as an information design consultant.
And their captain, Dave Tilley,
a Liverpool supporter who assesses football referees
and enjoys playing bridge.
They all enjoy The Listener crossword.
They are the Listeners.
Dave, you beat the Steel City Singers in your heat.
How have you prepared for this?
After the group therapy we went into because we were surprised at winning,
we then spent a lot of time tackling more crosswords, surprisingly.
Well, you may be using those skills tonight to beat, on my left,
Jason Gray, an Oxford history graduate
and dedicated supporter of Harlequins Rugby Club.
Dominic Guinness, a keen chef,
gardener, swimmer and triathlete,
who also works as an IT development manager.
And their captain, Chris Harrison,
an amateur athlete with a PhD in computing,
currently training for the London Marathon.
They've come ashore to join us in the quarter finals.
They are the Rowers.
Chris, you beat the Linguists in your heat. How did that match go?
Um...reasonably well until the wheels almost came off
in the last round, but we held onto it.
Well, let's see how you manage to cling on in these quarter finals.
Later on in the show the connecting wall will be going live online.
So if you fancy playing along,
you'll probably need some form of electronic equipment.
But as long as you've got a television you'll love round one,
This is where I want to know the connections between various clues.
Rowers, you won the toss, but you put the Listeners in first.
So Dave, please pick an Egyptian hieroglyph.
-Twisted facts, please.
The music question immediately.
You'll hear the clues. What's the connection?
The first one coming in...now.
Music: "Fanfare for the Common Man" by EMERSON, LAKE AND PALMER
Next one, please.
# All aboard the train
# All aboard the train
# I've been saving all my money... #
Bands known by their initials. Crosby, Stills and Nash, CS...
I'm going to stop you. I'm afraid that's not the right answer.
So I'm going to play a blast of each of the remaining two clues
to the Rowers for a possible bonus.
Have a listen to this.
# After the love has gone. #
Three words - Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Earth, Wind and Fire..
# Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail. #
This is Peter, Paul and Mary, isn't it?
Is it bands that are three words? Three names?
It is bands that are referred to by three names.
The trap you fell into there, Listeners, is the second one.
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young,
but old Young not credited on that particular track.
So we heard Emerson, Lake and Palmer,
Crosby Stills and Nash,
Earth, Wind and Fire, Peter, Paul and Mary, three names.
So a bonus point to you, Rowers. You may now pick your own question.
First clue coming up, now.
Spanish prisoner. Dilemma. Puzzles.
-Will we just go with that one?
-Let's try one more.
One more? One more, please. Next.
-It's hoping you're not going to win, isn't it?
-So they're puzzles - philosophical puzzles?
They're all sort of philosophical puzzles
around being locked in a room?
Or thought experiments inside your own head?
I'm afraid that is not the correct answer.
Time for some thought experiments
in the heads of the Listeners. Here are the other two clues.
They are...they are...
buying and selling shares.
I'm afraid they're not. Now this is the quarter final.
So I'm not going to be lenient. A couple are to do with shares.
More generally they are financial swindles.
Mock auction is where someone is put in the crowd at an auction,
a friend of the seller, to make a bid.
Pump and dump, inflating share prices, selling them off.
Boiler room also to do with shares,
that's an artificial high pressure environment against gullible people.
And Spanish prisoner, that's the old one,
somebody in prison in Spain or a foreign country,
if you pay their bail, you get money later.
You, I think, were thinking of the prisoner's dilemma.
-No, financial swindles.
But in a way, I'm reassured that none of you knew them.
What lovely people you are.
For me, of course, amazingly familiar.
Listeners, it's your turn to pick a question.
-Two reeds, please.
-OK. What's the connection here?
They're going to be picture clues. Here's the first one.
-No, it's not.
-It's the snowboarder.
-No, I can't remember his name.
Next one, please.
-It's not Guernica, is it?
-No, it's definitely not Guernica.
Next one? Next one, please.
-Next one, please.
Spitfire, Wellington, Lancaster. Dukes?
-Dukes of Wellington, Lancaster.
-Ah, the old Duke of Bat!
I'm afraid you're miles away, so there's a possible bonus for the Rowers.
Not a possible social gathering.
Um, bat, White, Turner.
No, I'm sorry, that's far too long. That first picture is a fellow called Sean White,
a snowboarder more commonly known as the Flying Tomato.
Next along is a painting of the Flying Dutchman.
A fruit bat, otherwise known as a flying fox,
and the B12 bomber, flying fortress. Flying is the connection there.
So no bonus for you, Rowers, but you may pick a question.
-The Horned viper, please.
-OK. First clue coming up, now.
Steiff, they're teddy bears, aren't they? Yeah.
Veuve Clicquot. Are they brands?
Or are they eponymous brands named after things?
Let's get the next one. Next please.
Next please. We've got the next one.
-Deutsche Grammophon isn't...
I'm afraid you're out of time. So, possible bonus again now, Listeners.
They were all founded in the same year.
They were not all founded in the same year.
This is the kind of one that is easier when you look back
than when you look forward. These all have yellow labels.
Steiff Teddy Bears have the little yellow label. Deutsche Grammophon,
Boddington's, Veuve Clicquot drinks with yellow labels.
It's all very well sighing and kicking yourselves now.
What about the points, points, points?
Listeners, can you get some on the next go?
-We'll try. Eh, with the eye of Horus, please.
Eye of Hours winking at you any second now.
Next one please. Impeachment?
I don't think Adams was impeached, was he?
-I'm not good on history.
-Next one please.
-Ah! Are they all roles played...
-Yeah, go on, yeah.
They're roles played by Anthony Hopkins.
Coming in after three clues, you get two points.
The last one would have been CS Lewis.
They were played by Sir Anthony Hopkins in Amistad, Nixon,
The Road to Wellville and Shadowlands.
Well done. You're off the blocks at last.
With only one question remaining for the Rowers, it's lion.
First clue coming up now.
-It's Dr Seuss, isn't it?
Yeah, but that's not going to be the link, is it? Next please.
Oh, it's questions asked of...
-It's books, isn't it?
-Was that a comedian?
-That was Tony Hawks.
Books by comedians.
Very much not.
Listeners, a chance for a bonus.
-Jane, take it.
-Is it questions...
..terms typed into Google that don't yield... Googlewhacks.
I know what you're thinking of, Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure.
That was his next book.
It's not that.
These were all things that were written as the result of a bet.
There were comedians involved. Tony Hawks took a bet
that he couldn't go round Ireland with a fridge.
Dave Gorman was bet by a friend he couldn't find 54 people with his name.
Green Eggs And Ham by Dr Seuss,
you're meant to pronounce it "soice" but nobody does.
That was bet that he couldn't only use 50 words throughout a book.
The first one, not a comedian.
Ernest Hemingway was bet
that he couldn't write a short story
in six words only.
And that story is the result.
'For sale: baby shoes, never worn'.
Right, that is the end of Round One.
Our teams have struggled a bit.
The Rowers have got one point.
But The Listeners are ahead with two.
It's not getting easier in the next round, because here,
the teams have to work out the connections and then tell me what comes fourth in a sequence.
Listeners, going first again.
Which hieroglyph would you like?
The two reeds, please.
OK. What is fourth in this sequence?
The first one coming up now.
Next one, please.
1415. 1215, 1415, 1615. What happened in 1815?
Was that the Battle of Waterloo or Austerlitz, or...
Don't do me on dates.
It's something that happened in 1815.
We don't need to get another clue.
-...started in 1812.
I think it's just something that follows from that.
-Just make a guess.
-Duke of Wellington died?
Waterloo, Battle of.
Good decision. I think you know
they are things that happened in 1215, 1415...
In 1615, the next clue, Volume Two of Don Quixote was published,
and in 1815, yes, that's what happened. The battle of Waterloo.
You got the points. Well done. Back to you, Rowers, to pick a question.
First in a sequence coming up. What's fourth? Time starts now.
McKinley. It's the highest point on that continent.
But what's the sequence? Next, please.
Vinson Massif, that's...also the highest point, isn't it?
-That's in Antarctica.
-The four highest points...
-..leading up, so...
-It'll be Everest.
Will it be Everest next?
-No, Everest last.
-Yeah, will Everest come last?
Yeah, but. No, but... I don't think they're going to necessarily...
-Do you want to go next?
OK. Ten seconds. Next.
I'm afraid not.
Bonus opportunity for The Listeners.
That is the right answer. Do you know the reason?
They are, respectably, the highest points in various continents,
going from the lowest to the less low. Higher.
That's broadly right.
Just biggest ones, that wouldn't be the right sequence.
They're the highest mountains on their respective continents
going west to east.
So, Mount McKinley for North America,
then going to Antarctica, South America and Mount Kilimanjaro,
highest in Africa.
Well done for the bonus.
Your turn, Listeners.
The Eye of Horus, please.
OK, first in a sequence coming up. What's fourth?
Time starts now.
I don't know which...
The books of the New Testament.
Corinthians, the epistles.
Next one, please.
The books going backwards.
Third epistle of Corinthians, second epistle,
first epistle of the Corinthians...
-Or is it Acts?
Acts of the Apostles.
Acts and Romans?
Romans, first Romans.
I'm afraid not.
I'm going to show the third in the sequence to the Rowers.
Is it Olympic? Yeah, but is it Corinthian...
-That's enough chat. Do you've an answer?
You're right, it is Doric. That came from nowhere.
Yes, it's nothing to do with the Bible.
This is architectural styles of the Coliseum.
The clue, third, second, it's going downwards so down from first.
If it were a lift, it would be the ground or bottom, would be Doric.
Did you just guess that from nowhere?
-I was being advised from my left.
-It was good advice.
You should ask him about your love life.
Very well done, you get the bonus. You may now pick your own question.
-Twisted flax, please.
-OK. First in a sequence coming up,
I can tell you these are going to the picture clues.
What might you expect to see in the fourth picture?
The first one coming up now.
Is it a roll cage?
Is it going to be chassis or something?
-It's a raccoon.
Is it Safari, Chrome, Firefox?
-I'm going to give it to you.
I'd have liked to hear I'd expect to see a picture
of an explorer or perhaps a man with a nice hat
and a magnifying glass. They are the four main internet browsers,
increasing order of popularity.
Safari, Chrome, Firefox, and Internet Explorer. Well done.
Back to you now, Listeners.
-Horned viper, please.
What's this sequence and what comes fourth?
First one coming up now.
Next one, please.
Is it not a granule of wheat?
Let's carry on.
Next one, please.
-I can't see anything there at all.
That's not the correct answer, so there's a bonus chance
for you, Rowers.
And what do you think the sequence is?
We'd like you to answer that for us.
You might have been able to work it out from the moment when you said
doglike is canine. That's right.
Another way to express millstone would be molar.
That would mean before millstone, premolar.
And continuing along the mouth, incisor translated as cutter.
They are the meanings for the words describing human teeth.
So no points there. Rowers, what can you do with the last question?
It's water. That should suit you. The first clue is coming up now.
Could be anything.
Could it be clubs and suits? Is that the name of...?
The words? Brain...
-I'm afraid not. Possible bonus, Listeners.
-Time, eh? I'm surprised you haven't got this one.
I think even I would have got this one.
These are things sought by the characters in that the Wizard of Oz
in the order they come up in at the story.
Dorothy simply wants to go home, the Scarecrow wants a brain,
the Tin Man wants a heart,
the next one along, the Cowardly Lion wants courage.
So no points there. Looking at the scores then.
At the end of round two, the Rowers have improved to four points,
the Listeners are ahead with six.
Round three is the connecting wall and this wall will be going
live on the internet if you fancy playing at the same time.
Rowers, your turn to go first. Please choose lion or water.
OK, 16 clues.
Two and a half minutes to sort them out.
You poach eggs.
Boot Camp. Nudist camp. Fat camp. Summer camp.
OK, so you coddle eggs. Poached eggs. Devil's eggs.
And do you blanch them?
OK, knee kicker... is that when you're laying...
OK, so pontil.
-Is that carpeting...?
Sous-vide is unseen, isn't it?
OK, so these are terms in flooring, I suppose.
I've got to know idea what Fenwich-Symes is.
-So, I think that's camp. You've got prison camp...
You've used a minute.
There we go.
So, there's eggs then. Poach, coddle...
I think Devil has got to be one.
Devil and then what's pontil?
Fenwick-Symes, that's going to be a hero, isn't it?
-A hawk could be a tool.
-Hawk is a tool...
You've got a minute left.
So poach eggs, coddle.
These are definitely in flooring.
-That's a cobble's last.
A boot is cobbling...
Boot and then...
You've got 30 seconds.
We're struggling here.
We are indeed an we're also running out of time.
There's another one here. Eggs still.
-We've tried Blanche.
-You've 10 seconds now.
Hey! Very good, very good.
No, that's it. You're out of time. The wall's frozen.
OK, well, you got two groups. That's two points.
Let's see if you can get the connections.
Prison, summer, fat, nudist.
-They're simply camps.
Devil, sous-vide, poach, coddle.
Ways of cooking eggs.
I'm going to give it to you.
Sous-vide would be a nasty way of cooking eggs.
They're just methods of cookery.
You get the point.
You can also get points for the connections you didn't find.
Let's resolve the wall.
OK, what about this group?
Fenwick-Symes, Last, Boot, Blanche.
-The last one...
I've got to tell you.
You're miles away.
They're characters in the novels of Evelyn Waugh.
Fenwick-Symes in Vile Bodies, Tony and Brenda Last
in A Handful Of Dust, William Boot in Scoop
and old Anthony Blanche in Brideshead Revisited.
The last one, Pontil, Hawk, Knee kicker, Jointer.
We think they're carpet laying.
-Is it carpet laying?
Or tools in carpet laying, flooring and so on?
I'm just not going to be able
to accept that.
I was lenient with the eggs
but they just aren't all used by a carpet fitter.
A knee kicker is used when laying carpets
but they're just generally professional tools.
The pontil is used by a glass maker, hawk used by a plasterer
and a jointer used by a stonemason.
You did get two points for the groups you found
plus two more connection points. That's four.
It's time we brought back the Listeners to see what they can do
with the connecting wall.
Another difficult quarter-final wall. 16 new clues.
But of course you want to solve it in the same way you did in your heat.
Right, you're going to get the Lion wall.
You've got two-and-a-half minutes starting... now.
Shanghai Express was a Madonna film.
Cemeteries, Highgate, Bunhill Fields, Pere Lachaise...
Bunhill Fields, La Recoleta.
Leave that one.
Perhaps Highgate is...
..Tube stations, yes.
French Connection is a perfume, Desire is a perfume...
Monsoon is a clothes label. Clothes labels.
Jigsaw, Monsoon, French Connection...
Oasis is a clothes label.
Cemeteries. Let's think about this.
It's to be those four.
Kismet, Morocco, Shanghai Express...
That's a Madonna film.
Kismet is a musical set in...
It's obviously those three.
Shall we try those four and see what we get?
You've solved the wall.
Try those four, see what you get, you get a solved wall.
That's four points immediately. Let's look for connections.
Oval, Bank, Highgate, Angel.
Single name Tube stations.
Do you want to be any more specific?
-On the Northern Line.
I'd have taken Tube stations but they're all on the Northern Line.
Oasis, French Connection, Jigsaw, Monsoon.
Clothing labels or shops.
I'll take it.
They're not so much labels, they're not designer labels,
they're high-street clothing chains. I'll take that.
Desire, Kismet, Morocco, Shanghai Express.
Are they films that have won Razzies?
I can't give you any more time.
Films that have won Razzies.
No, they're films starring Marlene Dietrich.
Of course, yes.
-Bunhill Fields, La Recoleta, Pere Lachaise, Arlington.
They are famous cemeteries.
Pere Lachaise in Paris, La Recoleta in Buenos Aires, Bunhill Fields
in Islington, Arlington military cemetery in Washington.
So you've got four points for finding those groups
and three more points for the connections.
That's a total of seven.
Let's see what that does to the scores going into round four.
The Rowers have got eight points. But the Listeners are ahead with 13.
So, time for the missing vowels round.
Fingers on buzzers.
I'm going to want to know what the disguised names,
phrases or sayings are.
The first group are all... geological processes.
Too long here. Diagenesis. Next clue.
-Yes, it is.
Next category, they married royalty.
-Yes, it is.
A more obscure one, Lisa Halaby who became Queen Noor of Jordan.
Next clue. Rowers.
-Yeah, she did.
Next category, the song title isn't in its lyrics.
-The Ballad of John and Yoko.
-Viva La Vida.
-Yes. By Coldplay.
-I'm afraid you lose a point.
-Possible bonus, Rowers.
-Yes, by Arctic Monkeys.
No time for Smells Like Teen Spirit
because it smells like the end of the quiz.
Looking at the final scores,
the Rowers have improved to a very impressive 13 points
but it's not enough because the winners with 16 points
are the Listeners.
Well done, Listeners. You are through to the semi-finals.
Rowers, I'm afraid it's goodbye to you.
Thank you very much for playing.
Join me next time when I'll be armed with more connections,
more questions, more clues
and of course the attache case full of high-performance weaponry
that I keep under my desk.
But you don't need to know about that,
it's between me and my conscience. Goodbye.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Email [email protected]
A team of rowers encounter three fans of the Listener crossword in the second of the quarter-finals. They compete to draw together the connections between things which, at first glance, seem utterly random, from Steiff to Veuve Clicquot to Deutsche Grammophon to Boddingtons.