Quiz show in which links must be made between seemingly random things. Three fans of the Listener crossword take on a trio with a shared love of history.
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Hello and welcome to Only Connect. This is the semi-final.
It's here that medals become a genuine possibility.
Or they would if we actually gave out medals, which we don't.
But look on the bright side. It's only since Series Three that we've given them chairs.
But we do give them respect. It's not easy to get this far, and I say that as the host.
For a contestant, it's almost impossible.
Congratulations, then, on a return visit for,
on my right, Andrew Lyman,
a keen supporter of Yorkshire Cricket Club, who likes listening to Bob Dylan,
Jane Teather, an information design consultant and gardening enthusiast,
who's a big fan of Middlesex cricket team,
and their captain Dave Tilley,
a crossword compiler with a passion for Batman and The Avengers.
They love nothing better than completing the Listener Crossword. They are the Listeners.
You beat the Steel City Singers and the Rowers to win a place in the semi-final.
Have there been any surprises along the way?
I think the fact that we're here is the biggest surprise!
We've enjoyed it. It's been fun.
But we're genuinely surprised to be here.
I hope the fun doesn't grind to a terrifying halt this evening.
You will be facing, on my left,
Simon Belcher, an amateur filmmaker with an interest in family history,
Debbie Challis, an educational events organiser for UCL,
who enjoys 19th-century ghost stories,
and their captain Will Howells,
a freelance writer and digital media manager who's fanatical about Doctor Who.
United by an interest in all things historical, they are the Antiquarians.
You defeated the Social Networkers in your quarterfinal. How did you find that?
We thought it was really quite hard, so we're hoping for easier questions.
-Do you have any specific tactics?
-We're going to think about everything carefully, confer a lot as a team
-and if the worst comes to the worst, we're going to run for the exits.
Let's give you something to think about. We'll kick off with Round One, as is only traditional.
This is where I want to know the connections between four clues or fewer.
Listeners won the toss and are going first.
Please select your first hieroglyph of the semi-final.
Twisted Flax, please.
OK, you're going to get up to four clues.
What is the connection? Your time starts...now.
-The Amber Room.
-That's in the Hermitage at St Petersburg.
-The Hermitage at St Petersburg.
-We'll get one more.
-Next one, please.
-I'll hand to Jane.
-It's the Hermitage in St Petersburg.
What do you think that second clue has to do with the Hermitage in St Petersburg?
I think that painting's in it.
I'm afraid that is not the correct answer.
I'm going to show the next two clues to the Antiquarians.
There's a possible bonus point available.
Based on Jules Rimet Trophy, we're going to say they were stolen.
What I'll say is that, if Vermeer's 'The Concert' is in the Hermitage,
the police should go and get it!
These are things that have all been stolen
and never seen since.
Jules Rimet Trophy was stolen and found, but then stolen again.
The Amber Room, looted by the Nazis. Never traced again.
Vermeer's 'The Concert', still missing.
Worth about 200 million.
And The Little Mermaid's original head
was sawn off and never recovered.
Well done for a bonus point.
-Please pick your own question.
-The Eye of Horus, please.
Eye of Horus. First clue coming up now.
-He's the general from the first Iraq War.
-Ulysses S Grant. He was General Grant.
-Didn't he have a nickname?
-Erm... The Storm.
-The Storm, maybe.
Russell T Davies.
The "T" doesn't stand for anything!
-Does the "S" stand for anything?
-I don't know.
-I think that's worth a punt.
-Yes, go on.
We think, based on Russell, off of Doctor Who,
that the middle initials, or first initial don't stand for anything.
They are people whose names contain initials
that do not stand for anything!
Harry S Truman - that's a diplomatic thing.
He didn't want to offend either grandfather, so they made it "S".
Russell T Davies to distinguish himself from another Russell Davies.
Ulysses S Grant was a clerical error in his West Point nomination.
Norman Schwarzkopf, I think, was born with the name Herbert,
but removed it from his birth certificate.
Initials that stand for nothing. Well done.
Back to you, Listeners, to pick a question.
-Two Reeds, please.
-Two Reeds. What is the connection here?
Your time starts now.
"Water, water, everywhere" in Spanish.
Aqui... Next one?
Next one, please.
Are they the first lines of poems translated into Spanish?
-How about first lines of national anthems?
-No, I'm not keen.
Wait a minute. Aqui...
Can we have another one, please?
-Another one, please.
-It's the first...
-No, I'm afraid you're out of time.
Possible bonus for you, Antiquarians.
They're Beatles titles in Spanish.
They are the titles of Beatles songs in Spanish.
"Here, There and Everywhere", "When I Have 64 Years".
What's next? "All You Need Is Love."
-"Hello, Goodbye". Beatles song titles in Spanish.
Well spotted, Antiquarians. Your reward is another question.
-The Horned Viper, please.
It's the music question. What is the connection between these pieces?
The first one coming in...now.
RAPID ORCHESTRAL FLOURISH
THEY CONFER QUIETLY
-It sounds like...
-Is it Flight Of The Bumblebee?
-SASSY 60s-STYLE TRUMPET
# I feel it when you're with me
# It happens when you kiss me That rare and gentle feeling... #
-Next! RAPID ORCHESTRAL ARRANGEMENT
-That's the Flight of the Bumblebee.
-Shall we say insects?
It is. You did hear Flight of the Bumblebee.
The first one sounded a bit like it. It's Vaughan Williams The Wasps.
Similar principle. Music that sounds like the insect.
Spanish Flea and Love Is Like A Butterfly.
Insects is the connection. Well done.
Back to you now, Listeners.
-Water. It's about time you got some points.
-I hope it happens here.
-So do we.
First clue coming up now.
Angina treatment. Is it a spray? A GTN spray.
Next one, please.
-It's a spray -
-Whoa! Wait a minute!
It's some sort of solvent that they use for treating angina.
-They use nitro-glycerine, don't they?
-Something like that.
-Get another one.
-Next one, please.
-I don't think so.
-Last one, please.
-Ah, I know what they are!
They're the original uses for drugs.
That is what they are. The original uses for street drugs.
Angina treatment. Do you know what that is?
-Amyl nitrite, yes.
Graffiti remover is GBL.
Cattle worming treatment - BZP. I've never heard of that. You would think with my habit...!
And ketamine is the horse tranquiliser.
Misused social drugs, that's their proper use.
You're off the blocks. Well done.
Back to the Antiquarians for the final question. Lion. These are picture clues.
The first one coming up now.
That is an eclipse maybe?
It looks like a conjunction of some kind.
-That's a Siamese.
-Yes, it's a hairless cat.
-It could be an Egyptian cat, actually.
-That's some kind of sarcophagus.
It's not an Egyptian tomb. It's a Christian church.
Any particular...? Next.
-That's a caravan.
-Is it to do with...
What do you think the third clue is?
Someone who got it wrong.
That would be a loose connection!
It's not fortune telling. Possible bonus for the Listeners.
Inventions. Cat's eyes mainly.
Cat's eyes connects with the others how?
I've just realised it might be Turkey.
The Turkish bath... And the cat's a Turkish Van, I think.
Fascinating. So wrong.
I'll tell you what the cat is. The cat is a Sphynx.
Not spelt like the normal Sphinx.
It is spelt S-P-H-Y-N-X. That's a clue.
These are all things which can be spelt with no vowels, only a "Y".
You're looking at a Syzygy, a Sphynx, a Crypt
and a Gypsy, G-Y-P-S-Y, no vowels there, just "Y"s.
So we're up to the end of Round One. The Listeners have got one point,
but the Antiquarians are ahead with five.
Round Two is about sequences. You must work out the connections
but tell me not what they are, but what the fourth in the sequence would be.
Listeners, you'll be kicking it off again.
-Two Reeds, please.
-OK. What is the fourth in this sequence?
The first coming up...now.
Next one, please.
Is it two fluid ounces?
-No, no, no.
-One half is a pint...
Two pints is one quarter. Two quarters is one gallon.
-Get the next one.
Next one, please.
Three pounds, three pints...
-Another bonus chance for you, Antiquarians.
We think it might be 2T = 1S.
You are right about that. Why is that?
It's 2 farthings = 1 ha'penny,
2 ha'pennies = 1 penny,
-3 pence = 1...
-That's the word.
And 2 thruppence = 1 sixpence.
You are absolutely right. Predecimal coinage was the link.
That's what it was. 2T = 1S. The right answer for the bonus.
-Your turn to pick a question.
-We will have the Eye of Horus.
The Eye of Horus. What's fourth in this sequence?
Time starts now.
Ophiuchus is the extra zodiacal sign.
-It's the 13th sign.
Sagittarius. That's 12th. So the 11th is Scorpio.
-And before Scorpio, it's Libra?
-No, Leo's August.
-Er, Leo, Virgo, Libra, yes.
-Shall we go for Libra?
I'm afraid that's not the answer I'm looking for.
I'm going to show the third to the Listeners.
See if you can tell me what's fourth for a possible bonus.
It's Aquarius, isn't it?
-Are they fire signs or animals signs?
-This isn't a coffee morning. Do you have an answer?
Aquarius is the right answer. Can you explain why?
They're the constellations that the Zodiac signs are based on.
It's constellations on the ecliptic in the order in which the sun moves through them.
Next, after Capricornus, would be Aquarius.
You got the bonus point. Well done.
-You may pick your own question.
-Twisted Flax, please.
Twisted Flax. First in a sequence coming up.
What's fourth? Time starts now.
Randall Davidson? Randall Davidson?
Next one, please.
-Diary of a Nobody.
No, it's a connection.
The One something or whatever?
Next one, please.
Oh, Archbishop of Canterbury.
It would be, erm... Cosmo Lang was...
-Is it Coggan?
-What's before him?
Geoffrey Fisher is the right answer. Why is that?
Holders of the Archbishop of Canterbury post.
I heard you muttering that and that's not why.
Why would there be a Nobody?
-I assumed there was nobody at... Oh, at the coronations!
Specifically, who put the crown on the monarch's head.
Nobody crowned Edward VIII because he abdicated.
Would've been Cosmo Lang. He crowned George VI.
And the most recent, Geoffrey Fisher, crowned Elizabeth II.
Well done there. Back to the Antiquarians.
-Lion. First in a sequence coming up. You'll see images here.
The first one's coming up now.
-Do you know where that is?
-It looks like Indonesia.
-What are the red lines?
-That's the union.
-That's the rest of Indonesia.
-They're not moving or something?
-What would the sequence be?
-Is that pre or post Soviet Russia?
-That's gone there, there.
Er... What else would it be?
-That's gone back to them, as well.
Er, a red squiggly bit round the green bit in the middle
of the first and third pictures.
Is that a way of saying you don't know?
It's... Possibly, yes.
Is there any particular thing you would expect to see
-represented in the fourth picture?
-I thought not.
-Possible bonus for you, Listeners.
An outline of a map of India.
It isn't. Why do you think it would be?
What it is, is increasing coastlines.
You're looking at the Philippines, Russia, Indonesia,
but the one with the longest coastline would be Canada.
Canada would be the fourth answer.
No points there. Listeners, please pick a question.
-Horned Viper, please.
-All right. First in the sequence. What's fourth?
Here's the first one.
7 is Wipeout...
-Next one, please.
8 is Puppetry.
Puppetry has got eight letters.
-Wipeout has got seven letters.
-I don't think it'll be that easy.
-Nor do I.
-Next one, please.
9 is Etiquette.
There's still nine letters in "etiquette".
-Think of a 10-letter word?
-A 10-letter word?
This is the semi-final. Five seconds.
10 = Embroidery.
-That's not the answer.
-I'm going to the Antiquarians for a possible bonus.
We're pretty sure it's "10 =" and maybe a word with 10 letters in,
-but other than that, we don't know.
-That answer is even less impressive.
At least they came up with a 10-letter word.
Now, you see, it would be a 10-letter word,
but that's why I hinted to you "this is the semi-final".
There's another thing that these words have in common.
They can all be typed using only the top row on a typewriter.
-Of course. 10 would be Typewriter.
-What I wanted to know
was a 10-letter word using those keys.
Typewriter, for example. There are others, but more specific than you gave me.
You didn't give me a word at all, which is shocking!
Nevertheless, I'll forgive you long enough to give you the last question, which is water.
First clue coming up. What's fourth in the sequence? Here's the first.
ALL: Thomas Keller.
He wrote, erm, Hannibal Lector, didn't he?
No, that's Thomas somebody else. Next.
Chefs. Particular restaurants? A hotel maybe?
Er... He was at Claridges, wasn't he?
Alain Ducasse. Is he a chef, as well?
Isn't he a writer on food?
-What food in particular?
-Is it columnists?
-Would they be looking for somebody like Nigel Slater?
I've no idea. BELL
Nigel Slater would be so happy to hear you say that.
It absolutely is not him.
Possible bonus for you, Listeners.
-Not him, either, but it's a better guess.
-Why would you think that?
It is the order of the chefs with the most Michelin stars,
but the top one would be Joel Robuchon.
They can only get three stars per restaurant, but with a number of restaurants, they can have more.
Nigel Slater, tragically, so far, has none.
The one with the most is Joel Robuchon.
You guessed better, but still no bonus.
At the end of Round Two,
the Listeners are up to four points,
but the Antiquarians are ahead with six.
Time for the Connecting Walls,
very hard semi-final Connecting Walls.
If you want to have a go, it goes live at the same time online now.
Meanwhile, Antiquarians, it's your turn to go first.
Please choose Lion or Water.
-Water, please. OK.
-You have got two-and-a-half minutes to solve the Water Wall
Starbuck's a character in Battlestar Galactica.
Beaker's in The Muppets. Long John Silver's in Treasure island.
-ALL TALK AT ONCE
Flask, Chalice and Kylix are drinking cups.
Queequeg is in...
-Try it with Beaker.
-..Moby-Dick, isn't it?
Ahab and Queequeg are Moby-Dick. Er, Ishmael.
Ahab, Queequeg, Ishmael and Mazer or maybe Starbucks?
That maybe... Or Popeye Doyle maybe?
-Have a think about any other connections.
-That could be a red herring.
-Long John Silver, Treasure Island. Is it pirates?
-What's Cold finger? Is that a...?
-I don't know.
-I don't know.
Those are water.. BUZZER
Starbuck isn't the coffee shop. It doesn't have an "S".
Ahab, Queequeg, Ishmael and...
-There you go.
-Go back to the...
-OK, Chalice, Kylix, Beaker and Mazer?
-BOTH: We tried that.
-Try Quaich. I don't know what that is.
Burette and Condenser are used in chemistry, as is a Beaker.
-And probably a Cold finger.
-What, just to stir?!
We're left with Long John Silver... BUZZER
-..Wimpy, Popeye Doyle and Starbuck.
-They're not types of shops?
-One minute left.
Are they characters...
-Wimpy is also a restaurant, but a character. Starbuck...
Popeye's... ALL TALK AT ONCE
Are they restaurant chains that are also cartoon characters?
-Have they got restaurant chains named after them?
-They could do.
-Try that to complete the group.
You've solved the wall. Very well done.
Four points. Let's try and get some points for the connections.
Ishmael, Flask, Ahab, Queequeg.
-I think they're all characters in Moby-Dick.
You struggled with Flask. He's the third mate. Slightly more obscure character.
Mazer, Chalice, Quaich and Kylix.
-Kylix is a Greek drinking cup.
-They're drinking vessels. Exactly.
Cold finger, Beaker, Burette, Condenser.
They're all used in chemistry? Chemical equipment in labs?
I'll take it. Glassware in labs. That's the horror, that it's in the same group as drinking vessels.
And Starbuck, Popeye Doyle, Wimpy, Long John Silver.
We think chains, maybe restaurant chains, cafe chains are named after them.
That's exactly it. Characters who lent their name to fast-food chains.
The trick is that Starbuck is also in Moby-Dick.
The Starbucks chain named after him.
Popeye Doyle, not the cartoon character, it's a character from The French Connection.
Very tough wall, but you got all four points,
four for the connections and the bonus two points.
That is a maximum of ten.
Time to bring back the Listeners to see what they can do.
Different wall, of course. 16 new clues, same basic principle.
Listeners, you have got two-and-a- half minutes to solve the Lion Wall.
Your clues are coming up now.
-Right, Gallowgate -
-Brummie, Shed, Rufus and Gordius...
-They certainly are.
-We've got -
-Wait a minute. Hold on.
-Gallowgate is in Newcastle.
-Is it the nickname of a king?
Bolingbroke, Lackland, Beauclerc and Harefoot.
Nicknames of kings.
Right, OK. So Holte End is at Aston Villa.
-People from places...
-Loiners are from Leeds.
-Moonrakers are from Swindon.
-They're ends in football grounds.
-Wow! No time wasted. Marvellous.
-You must have a train to catch.
Very well done. You get four points for the groups that you found.
Let's see if you can get the connection points. Gordius, Brummie, Shed, Rufus.
-We know this.
-They are Guardian crossword compilers.
I thought you might get that one! Do you ever do that crossword?
Jane's husband is a setter.
But he's not up on there.
Wow! That's fascinating. I want to gossip about that, but we're making a TV show.
They are Guardian crossword compilers.
Your husband could've been a red herring.
Next group. Harefoot, Beauclerc, Lackland and Bolingbroke?
-Nicknames associated with kings.
You've got Harold Harefoot. Was it Henry Bolingbroke?
Richard Beauclerc and John Lackland?
-I don't think John was Lackland.
-John was Lackland.
Nicknames for English kings. It's Henry Beauclerc.
King Henry I. Well done.
Next group. Moonraker, Scouser, Loiner, Mackem.
Nicknames for people from different parts of the country.
Do you know what the name is for something like that?
-Well, yes, you're getting there.
It's a demonym. For someone from a particular place. Do you know which places those are?
-Moonrakers are from Wiltshire.
Scousers are from The Pool.
Loiners are from Leeds.
Mackems are Sunderland, not Newcastle.
That is absolutely correct. Well done.
And the last one. Copland, Gallowgate, Holte End, The Shelf.
-They're ends of football grounds.
-Stands at football grounds.
-They're stands. Do you want to tell me which ones?
Holte End is Hillsborough.
-Holte End is Villa Park.
-No! Holte End is Villa Park.
-Gallowgate is Newcastle.
The Shelf... Was that QPR?
I'm supposed to support QPR, although I haven't seen a match for 400 years.
-And Copland -
-No, The Shelf is at White Hart Lane.
-Once QPR's bitter rivals.
Those were the glory days. And?
-Copland, I don't know.
-Ibrox. Glasgow Rangers.
Stands at football stadia. You found all four groups.
You got all four connections. That is the maximum of ten points.
Let's see what that does to the overall scores.
The Listeners have got 14 points,
but the Antiquarians are ahead with 16.
That means it is very close.
A place in the final will be decided by Missing Vowels.
You know how this works now. I want the names, phrases and sayings, even though the vowels are missing.
Fingers on buzzers. The first category are all:
-Pelleas Et Melisande.
Too long. This is Les Troyens. Next clue.
-Your Country Needs You.
-Careless Talk Costs Lives.
-Is Your Journey Really Necessary?
-Dig For Victory?
-From Mansfield Park. Correct.
That is not the right answer. You lose a point. Possible bonus?
You missed the extra "L". Lorelei Lee, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.
A more obscure one.
Antoinette Cosway from the Wide Sargasso Sea. Next clue.
From Pygmalion. Correct. Next category:
-Hertz Unit Of Frequency.
-That is not the right answer.
There is no bonus chance. That is the end of the quiz.
Oh, Listeners, if that "D" had been a "T"...
But no. It's "Hertz and Frequency".
Wrong by one consonant.
That means that at the end of this semi-final,
the Listeners have got 18 points,
but the Antiquarians win it with 19.
Well done, Antiquarians. You're through to the final.
Listeners, brilliant, a very close match. It could easily have been either of you.
Very sorry to see you go. But you will be back for the third-place playoffs,
which many say is the most important we've got!
Please join me next time for another round of the quiz
that's more confusing than the route to the studio from the bar.
I swear, they keep adding corners! Good night.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
E-mail [email protected]
In the first of the semi-finals, three fans of the Listener crossword take on a trio united by their love of all things historical. They compete to draw together the connections between things which, at first glance, seem utterly random, from the Amber Room to Vermeer's The Concert to the Little Mermaid's Head to the Jules Rimet Trophy.