Quiz show in which links must be made between seemingly random things. A team of professional analysts pit their wits against a trio of editors.
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I don't want my pain taken away.
I need my pain.
So said Captain Kirk in Star Trek V, The Final Frontier.
He'd just heard that Only Connect might be axed
due to the budget cuts. But don't worry, James!
The quiz is back and the pain is deeper than ever.
And with that welcome ringing in their ears, let's meet the teams.
On my right, Paul Steeples,
a civil servant with a passion for architectural photography.
William De Ath, a business analyst
who enjoys scuba diving and reading Kurt Vonnegut novels.
And their captain, David Lea, a political and security risk analyst
who plays cricket for his local team and is a keen supporter of Liverpool FC.
They all work as professional analysts.
No surprise to learn that they are the Analysts.
So is an analytical mind useful for playing quizzes?
Erm, I think it's all about picking the salient nugget out of a wider field of information,
so that might come in handy here.
Everything comes in handy here. There will be salient nuggets wherever you look.
-Not least on the dinner break.
-We like a good salient nugget.
You are facing tonight, on my left, Wendy Toole,
an English graduate who works as a freelance editor and proofreader.
Rod Cuff, a copy editor with a PhD in human computer interaction and an interest in astronomy,
And their captain, Ali Turnbull,
a web content editor who enjoys fell walking
and is a dedicated campaigner for improving rural broadband.
They spend their working lives dotting the Is and crossing the Ts. They are the Editors.
So, I'm expecting meticulous attention to detail from you.
-What else are you bringing to the table?
we cover a wide range of topics from, for example, chicken boning machinery to extreme fire juggling,
so we hope we'll find something up there to grab hold of and make a connection.
I believe that is one of the connections in Round One. Let's find out by playing it.
Round One. What is the connection between four apparently random clues?
But if you see fewer clues than that and give me the right answer,
you get more points. Analysts, you won the toss, you are first.
So please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.
-OK, the quiz starts here.
Good luck. Time starts now.
It could be anything. Next, please.
-The Tim Burton film is spelt like that.
-I don't know what Ho is.
Three times? Things said three times?
-I divorce you. Ho-ho-ho.
-Yes, things in threes.
BELL Things that are said three times.
That's exactly right! Well done! Three clues, you get two points.
-Can you tell me a bit more?
You summon Beetlejuice by saying his name three times
and you divorce people in Islam by saying "I divorce you" three times.
Ho-ho-ho, of course. Father Christmas. Beetlejuice.
I won't say it three times.
White rabbits is the last one you didn't need to see.
Said at the start of the month. And I divorce you.
In Malaysia, you can divorce someone by saying that three times.
These days, apparently, you can do it by text message, as well!
-Imagine the confusion if one of the texts didn't arrive.
Three separate texts or three times in one text?
I believe three separate texts. I haven't tried it.
I wouldn't dare marry anyone, never mind divorce them by text.
You could play with their minds. You send two.
"Did the third one not get through?" See how they react.
Anyway, you've got the points. Well done.
-Over to you, Editors, to choose a question.
-Twisted flax, please.
That's going to be the music question.
You'll hear the clues. The first one's coming in now.
# Sweetheart, bitter heart, now I can't tell you apart
# Cosy and cold, put the horse before the cart
-# How I love you
# How I love you
# Don't try to fight it cos it's easy
-# It's so easy
-Like taking candy from a baby? Next.
# My boot-scooting baby is driving me crazy
# My obsession from a western, my dance floor date
-# My rodeo Romeo...
# Always onward rode the 600, 5-4-3-2-1
They're to do with numbers of some kind,
Erm... What was that?
-Oh, it's 1, 2, 3.
-Try and be more specific.
-1, 2, 3.
-Yeah. Sequential numbers.
They are numbers consecutively, forwards or backwards.
You're absolutely right. We heard 1234 by Feist.
1-2-3 by Len Barry. 5, 6, 7, 8 from Steps.
And the last one, 5-4-3-2-1 by Manfred Mann. Consecutive numbers.
Well done. Back to you, Analysts.
-Two reeds, please.
-OK. Your first clue is coming up now.
THEY LAUGH Next, please.
-Oh, she was one of the...
-She was one of the spies.
-The Rosenbergs were spies.
-Don't know anything about Sarah Good.
Go on, then? Next.
-They were executed.
-For spying, or just executed?
I don't know. Just say executed.
Women who were executed for spying.
It's grizzly but it's right. Women who were executed.
You didn't need to see Catherine Howard, beheaded for treason.
-What about the others?
-Edith Cavell was a spy.
She was a British nurse in Brussels.
Yes. The Germans said she was a spy and executed her.
A British nurse, yes. Ethel Rosenberg?
-She was a spy in America with her husband.
In the McCarthy era.
She was executed in America for spying in 1953.
-And you don't know Sarah Good?
-Do you know Sarah Good, Editors?
-No, we don't.
-From the Salem Witch Trials.
Executed for being a witch. Well, for people saying she was a witch.
Or was she a witch? No, she wasn't a witch.
Editors, your turn to choose a question.
-Horned viper, please.
These are picture clues. Here's the first one.
OK, poker. Blackjack.
It's soft. Soft. Soft pedal.
OK. Erm... Next.
Soft egg. Softness.
Soft-boiled egg. Soft.
-You should've gambled and come in after two clues.
The answer is soft. The first one is soft 17 in blackjack.
They say, "Always hit soft 17." They also say, "Never play blackjack."
Ace and a 6 is soft 17. Soft pedal on the piano. Soft-boiled egg.
We would've seen softball. Well done. Back to you, Analysts.
-OK. Here's your first clue.
The shell game.
Hm. I don't know.
The Queen's Twelfth cake?
-Erm... Oh, this is a new one.
-Has it got a pea in?
-Yes, the shell game's got a pea.
-Things that have a pea in.
Things that have a pea in them. The fourth clue would've been
the bed of the princess in the fairytale.
Shell game is walnut shells and one of them has a pea under it.
It's a con. The Queen's Twelfth cake. Do you know what that is?
-Couldn't tell you.
-Something with a pea in.
Cakes, I think, eaten on Twelfth Night.
If you have the one with a pea in it, you get a prize.
A referee's whistle does. You didn't need the last clue.
Peas was the answer. Two points to you. Back to the Editors.
-Eye of Horus, please.
-That is the final one.
First clue coming up now.
-He was a blind seer. He changed sex.
-Were they blind?
-They were witches, weren't they?
-Were they transgender, as well?
-We'll have to go for the third one.
-I think so. Next.
-She's in, erm, vampires. The moonlight things.
-Right. So are they witches of various kinds?
I think they must be.
-We'll have to go for it.
-Fiver. The bunny. A rabbit.
-They're all blind.
-I'm afraid that is not the answer.
Analysts for a possible bonus.
Erm, ability to see the future.
That's what it is. They're all prophets.
Tiresias the prophet is blind. The others, I don't think so.
The Weird Sisters, the witches from Macbeth. Alice Cullen from Twilight.
And Fiver is the seer rabbit from Watership Down.
So you get the bonus. Well done. At the end of Round One,
the Editors have three points but the Analysts are ahead with seven.
On to Round Two, the sequences round.
There are four clues but they come in a sequence. I want you to tell me what the fourth clue would be,
so you may only see up to three. Analysts, you're first.
-OK, first in the sequence coming up.
These are picture clues. What would you see in the fourth picture?
First one coming up now.
-What's he doing? Gardening?
Blood, sweat, tears and toil.
-Toil and tears, is it?
-Is it toil and...?
-I think it's toil and tears, is it?
-Do we want to go?
-I'll buzz in. BELL
Somebody crying, producing tears.
I'm afraid that's not the answer.
I'll show the third in the sequence to the Editors.
There's a possible bonus point to you if you tell me what's fourth.
-Toil. Go for toil.
I'm afraid that's not it, either. Toil is the second picture.
You're all in the right area. Blood, toil, tears and sweat.
Winston Churchill, it was a speech that he made
on his first day as prime minister
and the outgoing prime minister, Neville Chamberlain,
got huge cheers, he was popular. A muted response for Churchill.
He said, "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat"
and it made him much more popular. The confusion is
it's often misquoted. Blood, sweat and tears has become the phrase.
-But the order is as appears in front of you. So no points there.
-Editors, you may choose your own question.
-Twisted flax, please.
OK. First in a sequence coming up now.
-Are these people in, er, erm...
-..the Dragons' Den?
-Oh! No. No, I don't think.
-It's a sequence.
It's a sequence.
-Is there a new Dragon, then?
-I don't know.
It'll be... OK. Erm...
Vanessa. I don't think... It's... I don't think...
We're going that they might be Dragons
but I can only recognise one of them, so...
So, as I think you suspect, Peter is not the answer.
Possible bonus to the Analysts.
-..and Theo was his brother.
-Erm...that's just a name we've alighted on
-and that's that.
-I'm a horrible person.
I make you explain the reasons for the wrong answers. No, it's Rudy.
They are the children from The Cosby Show.
Bit of an old one if you weren't a fan. The Huxtable children,
Bill Cosby's pretend children, going downwards. The youngest was Rudy.
I do like a wrong answer. I like hearing your working.
My favourite answers along the way so far,
"Are they all Dragons?" and "Do they all have Myxomatosis?"
I was really hoping you were going to go with that. But no.
So no points there. Not Cosby Show fans. Analysts, choose a question.
First in a sequence coming up now.
-Category 4, professional.
Er, next, please.
-It still could be anything.
-It could be. No idea.
-Category 1, home?
-Types of flowers?
BELL Category 1: Home.
That's not it, I'm afraid. Possible bonus to the Editors.
-Category 1: Ordinary?
-Category 1: Ordinary.
-Levels of competence or...
..degrees of complexity of software.
-Oh, I see.
-Common and garden...
-It's not right.
It's not right, no, but I can see your logic.
No. It's sort of home, but you're not getting it exactly right
cos you don't know the connection. They are grades of firework
and Category 1 is indoor.
Grades of firework getting decreasingly serious.
It's illegal for a non-qualified person
-even to own a Category 4 firework.
Luckily they haven't raided my house yet. It is illegal.
-No points there, then. Editors, your turn.
-Eye of Horus, please.
OK. First in a sequence coming up now.
-There's a Donald Dewar.
-He was the first minister.
-Similar sort of...
Scotland seems to be the connection.
-Who's the current Scottish...
Is it Scottish Nationalists or Scottish parliament speakers?
-This time you should've come in after two clues.
It is Salmond. First Ministers of Scotland going forwards.
Donald Dewar, Henry McLeish, Jack McConnell and then Alex Salmond.
Well done for the points. Analysts.
-Two reeds, please.
First in the sequence coming up. What's fourth? Time starts now.
-Could be anything.
Weak and gravity, but is there an order to them?
-Shall we get the next one so that...
-I think gravity.
It is gravity or gravitational. Can you tell me why?
They're the four fundamental forces of physics...I think.
You think rightly. They are the four fundamental forces getting weaker,
as they're usually categorised in an encyclopaedia.
It could be affected by the distance between the objects, but broadly,
it would go like this, weaker than weak is gravitational. Well done.
Editors, back to you. There's only one left. It's the horned viper.
-We'll have the horned viper, then.
-I think you should. Here's the first.
-Capital letters underlined.
Why have they got the underline on them?
Seven. We've got four...
They're five-letter words.
-What other five-letter numbers are there?
What is the next five-letter number?
Forty, is it? Forty?
Spelling forty, that's absolutely right.
Well done, Wendy. I could sense you doing the work there.
Five-letter numbers going forwards. The next one after eight is forty.
Well done. So at the end of Round Two,
the Editors are up to seven, but the Analysts are ahead with nine.
Time for the Connecting Wall. Four connected groups of four
but all jumbled up this time. 16 clues in a blaze
and the teams have to sort it back into those connected groups.
OK, Editors, you'll be going first this time.
I'm going to give you the choice of lion or water.
You've got two and a half minutes to solve this wall starting now.
Hijack, Lumos, Alamo, erm...
The Wilderness. Are these films?
-The Wilderness, Alamo?
-Yes, I think they are.
-Tuvalu is the name of an island.
-Helena? St Helena?
-Battle. Gettysburg, Alamo, Shiloh.
Gettysburg, Alamo, Shiloh.
The Wilderness, was that a battle?
Alamo, Shiloh, er...
-Helena? Battle of Helena, anyone heard of that?
-I don't know.
Oh, there are car firms here. There's Hertz, Avis...
-But you carry on with that.
-No, let's do this. Hertz.
-Alamo is a rental firm, as well.
-Hertz, Avis, Budget, erm...
-OK, what have we got here?
-Keep going with your battles.
-You've used one minute.
I don't know. What else haven't we tried?
-I can't think of anything else that works.
Battle of Nox? Battle of Shiloh? No.
Budget. Deface. What about that? Is there anything to do with words here?
-You've got a minute left.
Lumos is actually Greek, but maybe that works.
Yep. Good. Well done.
Hijack. I wonder if it would be hijack...
-Things that stupefy, things that deface.
-That's a Neil Diamond song.
-Is it? OK.
-But I don't think anything else is.
-The Wilderness, what on earth could that be?
-You've got 30 seconds now.
40 days. 40. Something to do with 40?
-Hijack? Why Hijack?
-I don't know.
-Did we not have all those before?
-Oh, wow, well done!
-Ten seconds now.
-Think about your battles.
-The Wilderness and Tuvalu. No.
No, that's it, I'm afraid. The grid has frozen.
But you found two groups and you get points for the connections.
Nox, Lumos, Avis, Reducto.
They're all, erm, Latin, Greek terms. Latin terms, words.
You see, they're not, although they are based on a version of them.
People at home will be shouting at the screen. Oh, yes.
-These are spells in Harry Potter.
-JK Rowling did borrow from Latin and Greek
to make the names of the spells. Harry Potter there.
Alamo, Enterprise, Hertz, Budget.
-Car and van rental firms.
-Car rental firms.
And I think nobody would have a car rental firm called Hijack.
-That doesn't sound good at all.
-I did wonder.
You can still get points for the connections of the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.
Hijack, Stupefy, Deface, Tuvalu.
SHE WHISPERS Erm...
-I can't give you too long.
-I have no idea.
They all begin with three consecutive letters.
-So they do!
-H-I-J, S-T-U, D-E-F, T-U-V. Consecutive letters.
Shiloh, The Wilderness, Helena, Gettysburg.
-They are battles.
-They are battles in the American Civil War.
So, you found two groups and you got two connections.
That is a total of four. It's time to bring back their opponents
to see what they can do with the connecting wall. 16 fresh clues
still need sorting into four connected groups of four. Analysts, you have the water wall.
You've got two and a half minutes to solve it starting now.
There we are. Erm...
Spyri. Are they Swiss?
-Spyri's Swiss, Euler's Swiss, Jung's Swiss.
-And Chevrolet, maybe?
-Do you want to try it?
Third Man, Omega Man, Running Man, Invisible Man, the Elephant Man.
-Right, OK. We'll leave the first one out for the time being.
You solved the wall in remarkably quick time! Well done!
That is four points immediately for the groups you found.
Let's look for some connections. The Barber of Seville,
Cinderella, William Tell, Othello.
-Paul, this is your territory.
-They're operas, Italian operas
-of the 19th century. They're not by...
-I want more specifics.
-All operas by Rossini, that's what I was looking for.
I might have taken "operas". I'm not in a bad mood.
But Rossini is what I wanted to hear. I've been to one opera.
Somebody who thought I should've seen some opera said, "I'm going to make you fall in love with it"
and took me to a four-hour production of Khovanshchina.
-Ah, yes. It wouldn't be entry level, I don't think.
I think he was imagining something like the scene in Pretty Woman
where Julia Roberts is moved to tears
and you realise this low-brow girl from the gutter
can appreciate finer things. I ran screaming for ice cream.
But, yes, you get the point, operas by Rossini.
What about the green group?
-They're famous Swiss.
-They are all Swiss.
-What can you tell me about the names?
-Euler's a mathematician.
Jung's a psychoanalyst.
-Spyri wrote, was it Heidi?
Johanna Spyri wrote Heidi.
-Chevrolet, no idea.
Presumably it's Mr Chevrolet, who ended up being Mr Car.
-Louis Chevrolet, his name was. He was a Swiss racing driver.
Founded the car firm. Running, Omega, Invisible, Third.
All followed by "man" to make names of films.
The something Man. Film titles. The Running Man,
The Omega Man, The Invisible Man, The Third Man.
Cow, Glacier, Elephant, Leg.
-Calves. They all have calves.
-They all have calves!
A glacier makes calves when bits slice off.
Leg, obvious. And cows and elephants, their babies are calves.
Very well done. That is four points for the groups you found,
four more points for the connections, that's eight points,
plus a bonus of two for getting it all right. A maximum of ten points.
Let's see what that does to the scores going into round four.
The Editors have got 11 points
but the Analysts are ahead on 19.
And if you'd like to play a connecting wall, go to the website:
You can play them against the clock and even create your own.
If you want to try putting 97 car firms into a grid,
this is your chance!
Analysts, you solved that wall in super-quick time.
-Have you been playing on the website?
-We've done one or two.
-What about you, Editors? Do you play online?
-We've practised online
because we're from different places. We've been on a Skype call
with the wall in front of us.
Unfortunately, because my broadband is so slow,
I'm about half a minute behind everybody else, so I get longer.
What I think we need is a better quality of rural broadband.
-Funny you should mention that.
Specifically so that people in any area can play the connecting wall.
-It's a basic human right.
But now we're going to play Round Four, the missing vowels round.
Teams, we have taken well-known names, phrases or sayings,
removed the vowels and squidged up the consonants.
I want to know what those disguised clues are. You will lose points
if you get this wrong, so be careful.
Fingers on buzzers, then. The first group are all routine medical tests.
-Fasting blood glucose.
-Camel hair brush.
-Yes, it is.
-In rugby, that's right.
-Basil D'Oliveira affair.
-Another cricketing controversy.
-Hand of God.
-That's right, Maradona, of course, in the football.
-Spock and Vulcan.
-Mork and Ork.
-Yes, it is.
Don't know this one? It's:
-Luke Skywalker and...
-I'm afraid not.
I'm afraid you lose a point.
And there's no chance of a bonus for you, Editors,
because that is the end of the quiz. It's:
You need an L, not an N. Anakin Skywalker.
So, the end of the quiz, and looking at the final scores,
the Editors have got a creditable 17 points
but the winners with 26 points are the Analysts.
Very well done, Analysts, you're through to the quarterfinals.
And well done to you, too, Editors. Unlucky not to go further.
Thank you for watching. Please join us next time
for another episode of the quiz that's more confusing
than the British Colour-blind Association's annual snooker tournament. Goodbye.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
E-mail [email protected]
A team of professional analysts with degrees in modern languages, English and maths pit their wits against a trio of editors who delight in their meticulous attention to detail. They compete to draw together the connections between things which, at first glance, seem utterly random, from Ho to Beetlejuice to I Divorce You to White Rabbits.