Rowers vs Linguists Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect,

the closest BBC Four gets to the X Factor.

There's no singing, but people do come from all over the country

to have their dreams crushed and their confidence shattered.

But it's all done from love, because like Simon Cowell,

we're looking for that certain indefinable something.

And when I say "indefinable",

I mean completely definable, precise, exact, correct clues.

So, let's see whose soul might be broken forever tonight.

On my right, it's Jason Gray, an Oxford History graduate

and former rowing coach who now works as a marketing manager.

Dominic Guinness, an IT development manager who enjoys gardening

and attends the Henley Regatta each year.

And their captain, Chris Harrison, a software developer who enjoys

rowing, running and cycling in his spare time.

Did you spot the hidden connection?

Yes, they are the Rowers,

and they've all been in a boat together for over ten years.

Presumably you've got the teamwork sorted.

What are your other strengths?

Well, we are used to being told what to do

by a short, shouty person at the other end,

so hopefully we can survive without them.

I can be the short, shouty person in this crew.

I've had plenty of practise.

Let's see who you're rowing against tonight.

On my left, Joanne Edwards,

a subject librarian for Hispanic Studies

and accomplished ballroom dancer who's learning Portuguese.

Jo Moore, an MSc student at UCL who speaks French, Italian,

Mandarin Chinese, and is learning Spanish in her lunchtimes.

And their captain, Charlie Lythgoe,

an assistant at the Taylor Institute library in Oxford, who volunteers

for Amnesty International and speaks fluent German.

They speak seven languages between them, they are the Linguists.

Now, most of our questions tend to be in English here.

How confident are you that you've got the bases covered?

Er, I think between us we've got all the bases covered.

My degree's in English, so I think that'll help.

And you know, a good grounding in languages helps at least

understand most of the words, even if we can't understand the connections.

I don't mean you to get complacent, Rowers.

The questions aren't DEFINITELY in English.

There might be a Chinese one coming up.

Usually not till the quarter-final stage, but you never know.

Round one comes first, they usually do in these things.

Here, I want to know what is the connection

between four clues, although if you see

fewer than four and give me the right answer,

you'll get more points.

Linguists, you won the toss so you'll be going first.

Please choose...ah, here's a new language! An Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax. OK. The first one's coming up now.

1970 Australian nickel. Is that a currency rather than a metal?

It's got a small N, though.

Next.

1846, railways?

Things that were made out of certain things,

and when they changed to be made out of something else?

It's a bit vague, isn't it? Next?

-1637, tulips?!

-When they came to Britain, or...?

OK, that's excellent, yeah!

When they first came to Britain. OK, yup.

We think this is the year that these first came to Britain.

I'm afraid it's not the year

they first came to Britain.

I'm going to show the first clue to the Rowers,

a possible bonus point available.

Yeah, um, bubbles. Stock market crashes.

They are economic bubbles.

They're the years that economic bubbles burst.

The dot com I think was the giveaway, the last one there.

Tulips, in the Netherlands in 1637, that was the first one.

First recorded economic bubble, boom and bust.

Well done. You may now

choose your own question.

-I think we should start with Water, please.

-OK, you probably should!

Let's see if you can sail along this one. First clue coming up now.

SS-GB. That was a Len Deighton novel, wasn't it?

It was an alternative future.

THEY CONFER

Shall we go...next!

Peace In Our Time. That's going to be a quote from...

But isn't it novels with alternative futures?

-SS-GB was where the Germans won the war.

-Oh, OK.

-But is it specifically German?

-Er...do we want another one?

-Yeah.

Another one, please. Next.

Never heard of it.

-Never heard of that one.

-Ten seconds.

-Should we get the last one?

-Should we get the last one?

-Let's get the last one.

-Next. Yes.

Three seconds.

Um, novels with alternative futures, or based on an alternative future.

So in Fatherland and SS-GB, the Germans won the war.

And the novel is based subsequent to that.

So maybe in this one, the Germans won the war in all of these novels.

I'll take that. Not all novels,

but I'll give it to you

for that specific bit. They are all stories

with an alternative vision of what would have happened

if the Axis powers had won the war.

SS-GB you knew, that's the Len Deighton novel.

The second one's a play by Noel Coward.

The Man In The High Castle is a novel by Philip K Dick

and the last one, Robert Harris. But all stories

which are alternative histories of World War II. So well done.

-Back to you, Linguists, to pick your own question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

OK, these are going to be picture clues.

What's the connection. First one coming up now.

-Some kind of... Is it a lily?

-I'm not sure...

It looks like a lily pad. Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Next.

Is that a Lotus... Lotus?

-Flowers...

-Or aquatic flower, maybe?

-Shall we try another one?

-Next.

-What's that?

-Some sort of vegetable?

Is it a vegetable or a fruit?

-It could be... I don't know.

-Should we see the fourth one?

-Next.

-Ten seconds.

-That's the lotus position.

-BELL

Lotuses.

Lotus is the connection, I wish you'd come in after two clues.

You're looking at a lotus flower, Lotus sports car,

a lotus root is that third one, and the lotus position.

So you're off the blocks with a point

-and back to you, Rowers, to pick a hieroglyph.

-Two Reeds, please.

OK. First clue coming up now.

It's a Judo throw.

It ends the bout. So is it going to be Judo...

Next.

Erm, that's when you check out in cribbage.

-It's the end of the game.

-So it ends a hand, or wins the game.

BELL

Are they things that end a round, or end a hand,

or end a move in games?

That's not the answer, but it ends your round on this question.

Your opponents have a chance of a bonus.

I'll show you two more clues, Linguists.

THEY CONFER

Ah, yes.

You get the lowest points...

for that particular move.

That is not the case either.

I'm sad to discover that none of you really are cribbage players.

-It's just one point.

-One point.

Because obviously, you can get no points,

that would be the lowest score.

One for his nob, they say.

That's when you've got the jack of the suit

that the turn card is in.

Ippon in Judo, you get one point,

Z in Polish Scrabble only worth one, because they've got so many of them.

And cleverly, look, this clue that is the one-point clue...

It should be this question, because that clue takes a point away,

but had you got as far as the fourth one,

it would've been worth one point.

You see the clever little trick there.

But no points, as it turned out.

Linguists, please, pick a hieroglyph.

-Horned Viper.

-The Horned Viper.

-BELL

Ah, that means it's going to be the music question.

You'll be hearing your clues. The first one's going to come in now.

LITURGICAL CHANTING

-It's like a chant, isn't it?

-Yeah. Next.

JAZZ PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

Piano.

Yep, next.

# It's a jungle out there

# Disorder and confusion everywhere... #

Is this from a Disney film?

# No-one seems to care... # And next.

# Ra-ra Rasputin

-# Lover of the Russian Queen... #

-Ten seconds.

# There was a cat that really was gone... #

BELL

A bit of a guess. They're all about Russia.

I'm afraid they're not all about Russia.

-Possible bonus for you now, Rowers.

-Are they all about monks.

The connection is monks. They're not all about monks.

The first one was sung by monks, you heard Angelus ad Pastores.

Blue Monk was the second piece, by Thelonious Monk.

Third one, not from a Disney film, it was The Monk TV series.

That was a theme from Randy Newman.

And the last one about Rasputin, the mad monk. Monks is the connection,

so that was a bonus for the Rowers

and you will now get the Eye Of Horus, the last remaining question.

First clue coming up now.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Is it a play on the letters in it?

Hell's a place in Norway, isn't it?

Next, please.

Were. Werewolf?

-You're under ten seconds now.

-Next.

Three seconds.

I'm not sure on this one.

Nope, you're out of time.

See how nicely we follow the monks with whore and hell!

-THEY LAUGH

-Don't let things get too holy.

Possible bonus for you now, Linguists.

No.

Now, this a very nasty, very Only Connect-type question.

It's about the words -

whore, hell, were and cant.

If you insert apostrophes into them,

they turn into completely different words.

Who're, he'll, we're, can't.

The putting in of that little piece of punctuation

changes the pronunciation and the meaning.

So, at the end of round one,

the Linguists have got one point,

but the Rowers are ahead with three points.

Round two is all about sequences. This time, work out the connection,

but then tell me what would be the fourth clue in a sequence.

Linguists, you're first to choose.

Eye Of Horus, please.

OK, the Eye Of Horus.

First in a sequence coming up. What will be forth? Starting now.

What is that? It sounds Japanese.

I'm not sure if it's a name or something. Next.

Yoshihito.

Again, no idea.

Definitely Japanese, but not sure if these are Japanese islands, or...

people, emperors...

Next.

Hirohito.

No, I don't know.

-The current emperor of Japan?

-I can't remember his name.

Ten seconds.

THEY CONFER

-Three seconds. Buzz in if you want to guess.

-No.

No, the time is up.

Rowers, do you want to have a go?

Is it Akihito?

Yes, it is Akihito.

Did you know what the connection was?

-They're Japanese emperors.

-They are the personal names

of Japanese emperors going forwards,

and Akihito would be the last one.

Well done, Rowers, for the bonus point.

-You may now choose your own question.

-Lion, please.

OK, what's the fourth in this sequence? First one coming up now.

Fourth, Yangtze. Is it going to be rivers?

The length river, or...

THEY CONFER

Is it by length, or by...

Shall we get the next one?

Next, please.

Yeah.

THEY CONFER

Do you want to see one more?

Next, please.

Oh.

-Yangtze...

-Ten seconds.

Or by capacity.

Number of coasts?

Three seconds.

-First - Nile.

-I'm afraid not.

And ROWERS!

You guessed a river incorrectly.

Possible bonus for you, Linguists.

-First - Amazon?

-You know what?

In a quiz, if it's not Nile

it's usually Amazon.

Amazon is the correct answer. Do you know why?

Possibly longest by length,

but I don't understand why Nile isn't on there.

-I think there's a bit of a catch.

-Well, there is a catch.

It's measured by size,

but not by length.

-It's amount of water.

-It's amount of water.

By discharge - the volume of water

emptied into the sea, and the first would be Amazon.

-Fancy tackling that in a rowing boat - the Amazon?

-Oh, all of it, yeah!

-All four of those?

-We could do a couple of widths.

It would be fun, the bit where you're discharged into the sea

with the greatest volume of water in the world. Worth a try.

That was a bonus point for the Linguists

-and you may now pick a question.

-Twisted flax.

First in a sequence coming up. What's fourth?

Time starts now.

Well...

Next.

H.

It's not atoms or something? The periodic table.

I mean, A...

-It's not Scrabble?

-Oh, Scrabble! That's quite nice.

We're going to have to say next, though, aren't we? Next.

I.

Oh, it's symmetry! Look.

They're all symmetrical, vertically symmetrical.

So M... M?

Ten seconds.

BELL

-M.

-It is M. And the reason?

They're going in order. They're letters that are symmetrical,

around a vertical axis.

Right. Letters with vertical symmetry

going forward through the alphabet. Next is M. Well done.

-And back to the Rowers.

-Two Reeds, please.

-OK.

Another watery question for you.

First in a sequence, coming up now.

Proportion...

-We need another one.

-Next, please.

Is it going to be a word one?

Proportion's got two words in it. Therefore's got four in it.

-Pro-portion.

-Before...

The fourth in the sequence, isn't it? So...

Next, please.

Ratio.

THEY CONFER

Ten seconds.

THEY CONFER

BELL

Um, Jason.

It's decimal point.

A decimal point is an acceptable answer. Well done. Why is that?

They are in descending order of the number of dots.

-They're mathematical symbols.

-Right.

Mathematical symbols. Proportion is represented by four dots

in a square.

Therefore - three in a triangle.

Ratio - a colon, of course, two dots.

I wanted something with one dot as a mathematical symbol. Decimal point.

Well done. Linguists, you've got two questions left to choose from.

-Water, please.

-OK.

First in a sequence coming up. What's fourth?

Time starts now.

Suggestion.

Well...

OK.

Next.

Psychology.

-That's a subject.

-Titles of books?

-That's what I thought.

The Power Of Suggestion?

Um...

Next.

Misdirection.

Maybe they're...

Go on.

I don't know.

Psychology's a subject,

but suggestion and misdirection aren't.

Ten seconds.

-That game where you give somebody the wrong idea?

-Oh, yes.

-So...

-Trick?

-Three seconds.

BELL

Trick.

Not the answer, I'm afraid. A possible bonus for the Rowers.

Sleight of hand?

That's not it either.

You're both in the right universe

but I need something very precise,

which is showmanship.

I think you're thinking about magic.

These are specifically Derren Brown's techniques.

Or, as he describes them,

"magic we don't see", that's the the first one.

According to Derren Brown, what comes next for him -

suggestion, psychology, misdirection and showmanship.

Some would say it's all showmanship, obviously.

But not me, I wouldn't, no, no,

I'm sure it's all true, and it's mostly magic.

Rowers, only one question remaining, the Horned Viper.

It's going to slither over into your corner. These will be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

First clue coming up, now.

A chef sign? Could be anything.

Um, next, please.

A hold-up?

Um, he's a robber.

Chef...

Butcher, baker, baker, thief, baker, robber?

Baker and thief.

Yeah, but that's not...

Yeah, then, thief is the last one. Next, please.

-Cook...

-Oh, yes! The Cook,

The Thief, His Wife and...

BELL

Um, Her Lover,

ie, some suitable-for-primetime- viewing depiction of her lover.

You'll be relieved to hear we've kept it clean!

It is The Cook, The Thief, His Wife And Her Lover.

It's so clean, it's actually a picture of the wife

with a fellow with a briefcase.

That's how polite it is. Absolutely right, though.

That's how you identify lovers.

Quite interesting to marry a thief, then take a businessman as a lover.

Yes, it's The Cook, The Thief, His Wife And Her Lover,

the Peter Greenaway film.

So very well done. At the end of round two, then,

the Linguists have got four points,

but the Rowers are ahead with eight.

Time for round three, the Connecting Wall,

the fiendish grid with 16 clues on it

that the teams have to sort into four connected groups of four.

Rowers, it's your turn to go first and your first choice

is Lion or Water.

Lion, please.

OK, the Lion wall, beware the red herrings.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

-64, 127...

-Danny Boyle films.

The Beach is a Danny Boyle film.

Sunshine is a Danny Boyle film,

Millions, I think, is a Danny Boyle film?

Well done. Well done.

We've got world, galaxy...

um...soliflore?

Picasso is a make of car, as is Galaxy. Alhambra.

As is a Scenic, they're all Renaults.

They're all SUVs, aren't they, they're all people movers and stuff.

OK, Bros is a band.

-Not with a dot, though.

-That's true.

Is it Warner? Disney?

No. Fixative is used in...

photography and such, isn't it? Absolute zero?

Er...64...

Remember, three strikes and you're out now.

64 is eight squared, the number of a chessboard.

-Er, it's...

-64...

I don't know - here we go.

I've got, I can't even pair any of them, let alone make a four.

Note...perfect?

You've used a minute.

Note, is it note perfect?

-Erm...

-This is...

New world? New, um...

-I can only think of the Beatles song.

-When I'm 64.

Absolute...vodka? Absolute zero.

Warner Bros?

Land grab?

I feel like fixative and soliflore because that sounds light-based,

and if fixative is camera-based as well...

That could be, 64 could be something along those lines.

-And then absolute, it'd be absolute, I think.

-Absolute and 64.

What's the rest of it going to be?

It's not that anyway.

-So...

-Two more attempts.

Well, New World...

Land of something, World of...

You have 40 seconds left.

-Absolute Beginners...

-Musical note, Musical World?

This is... I can't even pair most of these.

-Something brothers.

-Brothers Karamazov? No. The, the...

Warner Brothers? Is there a...

Disneyland, Disney World, Disney Brothers?

No, is it Disney Brothers? It's not Disney Brothers.

No. Yeah, Disneyland, Disney World, but, uh, yeah.

Absolute zero...

About 10 seconds for your last attempt.

-End of the world.

-Land's End. World's end.

Absolute end. And endnote.

BUZZER

I am afraid that's it. The grid is frozen.

You got two groups. That's two points immediately.

What about the connection? Sunshine, Millions, 127 Hours, The Beach.

-Films. Danny Boyle films.

-Absolutely right.

Next one. Galaxy, Scenic, Picasso, Alhambra.

Cars. Or specifically, large cars, family cars. People carriers.

I'll take it. MPVs, I believe they're called.

Multipurpose vehicles.

That is correct, so that's the two bonus points.

You can get points for connections in the groups you didn't find.

Let's resolve the wall.

World. 64. Land. Bros.

I still don't have much of a clue.

It's the kind of thing that if you don't know, you don't know.

Disney World? Or...

All boy bands. Yeah, no.

It is unlucky if it's outside your radar.

They are Super Mario games.

-Oh!

-Do you know what?

Healthy lads like yourself, out rowing in all weathers -

what do you want with computer games? Last group.

Note. Absolute. Fixative. Soliflore.

I just thought of some kind of adhesive. But that's all I had.

-Type of glues?

-No, I'm afraid not.

They are terms used in perfumery.

In perfume-making. Tricky couple of last categories there.

But you found two groups and you got two points

for the connections, a total of four.

Time to bring back the Linguists and see what they can do with

the Connecting Wall. It's a completely new wall.

Linguists, you must sort it into four connected groups of four.

It's going to be the Water wall, because the Lion's gone already.

You've got two and a half minutes, starting now.

OK, Jam Tarts you can obviously eat. Sheridan is a playwright.

-We've got Wilde as well.

-Shaw.

-And Beckett.

Oh, look, there's...

Some more.

-Obviously plants.

-Yeah. There's Murphy's law.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Violet and daisy. Bairns is children. It's Scottish.

-Shall we try the four...?

-Yeah.

The plants?

Daisy? Where's the other one?

Hyacinth. No.

What's Caley Thistle? Do you think they're all...?

Could be, yeah.

-Or Rose of England. Caley Thistle could be for Scottish.

-Yes.

Welsh flag?

Radar is a palindrome. Nothing else is.

And it's also short for something.

-It's an acronym.

-Yeah.

Jags could be...

Jags is also a nickname of a politician.

Yeah, Two Jags. Tommy Sheridan is...

I wish I could get the playwrights. We've got Beckett, Wilde, Shaw...

-Sheridan...

-Shall we try some more?

-We tried that.

Murphy's also plausible.

A plausible surname.

-Oh!

-Excellent.

Thumb... Tom Thumb?

-Tom Thumb.

-Tommy Sheridan, Tom Thumb.

-Ooh, excellent.

-Any more Toms? Not sure.

-Hyacinth Bucket was a character...

-Rose bouquet?

-Yeah, OK.

But we are just going down flowers again.

-Is Caley Thistle perhaps like a dance?

-Yes, could be.

Ceilidh is a dance, but it's spelt differently to that.

-Weather man, weather...

-Jam Tarts.

-Is it rhyming slang?

-Yeah...

-Yeah, Jam Tarts, Caley Thistle...

Er...

-Hyacinth doesn't rhyme with anything.

-OK.

Er...

Tom Thumb... Er... Tom Thumb...

-Yeah.

-Silent letter at the end.

Oh, that's interesting. Silent letter, yeah.

-I don't think so, though.

-No.

-Daisy chain.

-Excellent.

You have a weather... Weather forecast. Weather report.

What's jags, why's it plural...? Is that short for...?

Unless it's... It's not an anagram of anything.

-10 seconds now.

-Shall we just...?

-Yeah.

-BUZZER

-That's it. Your time is up.

But you found a group, so that's a point.

You get a bonus for the connection - Wilde, Beckett, Murphy, Shaw.

-They are all playwrights.

-They are, specifically Irish playwrights.

And you can get more points for the connection in the other groups.

Let's resolve the wall.

Hyacinth, Sheridan, Daisy, Violet.

-They are all characters from the TV show.

-Keeping Up Appearances.

-Yes, they are. Well done. You spotted Hyacinth.

-Yes.

I wouldn't have got that category myself in 15 years.

Characters in Keeping Up Appearances.

Next one. Radar, rose, thumb, weather.

-I can't give you too long.

-No.

This is one of those tricky language ones.

They are all things you can be under.

Under the radar.

Under the rose. Under the thumb. Under the weather. Under the rose

is the more obscure one - it means in confidence, secret.

And the last one.

Caley Thistle, Jam Tarts, Jags and Bairns...

-Rhyming slang?

-I'm afraid not. This is another one of those ones,

if you don't know, you don't know. And I wouldn't either.

They are the nicknames for Scottish football clubs.

You are evidently not familiar with

Inverness Caledonian Thistle FC.

And the others - Partick Thistle, Falkirk and Heart Of Midlothian.

A lovely football question for us all to enjoy.

But you found one group and you got two more connections.

That's a total of three.

Let's see what that does to the scores going into round four.

Too easy? You thought the connecting walls were too easy?

Maybe you'd like to make your own.

You can do that now on the website

as well as playing walls if you so choose.

We are going to play round four -

the missing vowels round.

The vowels have been removed from well-known names, phrases or sayings

and the consonants squidged up.

You have to tell me what those disguised words are.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

The first category are all TV spin-offs.

Too long. This is the spin-off

from Doctor Who -

The Sarah Jane Adventures.

Next clue.

BELL

-Joey.

-From Friends. Correct.

Don't know this one?

It's Mr Don And Mr George,

a spin-off from Absolutely.

Next clue.

BELL

The Green Green Grass?

Correct. From Only Fools And Horses.

Next category.

BELL

-Latin America.

-You're right.

BELL

-Indian Subcontinent?

-Yes, it is.

BONG

-Australasia.

-Yes, it is.

BELL

-Basque Country?

-Correct.

Next category.

BELL

-Running shoe.

-Yes.

BONG

-Newspaper story?

-Yes, it is.

BELL

-Alcoholic drink.

-I will, thank you very much.

BONG

-Volleyball.

-Yes, it is.

Next category.

BONG

-Tackle box.

-Correct.

END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

That next clue was artificial fly.

But that's it.

The fat lady is singing.

Well, I'm not actually singing, but I will give the final scores.

After a very hot round four, the Linguists improved to 14 points,

but the Rowers have pipped it with 16.

Well done, Rowers. You will be coming back for a quarter-final.

Sadly, we have to say goodbye to you Linguists. You've been a great team.

The good news for everyone is that we can all now go home.

I say that, I don't have a home.

When the contestants leave and you switch off, I just sit here.

Waiting.

Goodbye.

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