Scribes vs Draughtsmen Only Connect

Hello and welcome to the final of Only Connect.

For both of our teams here in Cardiff tonight,

this is the end of a gruelling journey

full of nail-biting tension and heart-stopping terror...

but that's the M4 for you.

Now, this is a doubly special episode,

because not only is it the final, it is also our 100th show,

a fact of which we are all extremely proud,

apart from our Question Editor,

who points out that 100 is only considered a significant number

by people with ten fingers.

And that's why he's saving his own celebration for show number 144.

But I tell you what, he's a hell of a pianist.

In contention for championship tonight...

On my right, Holly Pattenden,

an opera fanatic who works as a strategy analyst

and has a phobia of light bulbs and vacuum cleaners...

Gareth Price, a magazine editor and member of the Islington Folk Club,

who enjoys listening to concertinas...

and their captain, Dom Tait,

an associate editor with an interest in natural history,

who loves dining out at Michelin-starred restaurants.

United by their love of writing, they are the Scribes.

Now, Dom, you beat the Ciphers, the TEFL teachers

and the Wordsmiths to get to the final.

Who's been your toughest opposition?

Erm, they've all presented unique challenges.

I guess I'd have to say the Wordsmiths.

They were really, really sharp

and we were quite grateful to prevail in the end.

Let's see who you're facing. On my left...

Andy Tucker, the first president of the Azerbaijan Cricket Federation,

who once played a psychopath washed up on a desert island

in an amateur dramatic production.

I would pay a lot of money to see that.

Steve Dodding, a dental surgeon

who has won over 50 CDs from the Ken Bruce show

and once had claustrophobia when trapped in the Great Pyramid...

and their captain, Iwan Thomas,

a freelance science editor and failed calligrapher,

who followed the Welsh rugby team on tour around New Zealand.

They've beaten the Joinees, the Numerists and the Footballers

on their way to the final, and they love a nice pint.

They are the Draughtsmen.

Iwan, you've had a couple of close shaves and a tie-break.

How a feeling about the final?

The tension has ramped up in every round from the previous round,

and the tension in the final is immense.

-Are your team generally people of calm temperament?

-I think so.

I think we're reasonably calm, but tonight is the exception.

Well, I'll see what I can do.

On then with Round One. What's the connection between four clues?

And of course, this is the final.

I'm amazed if you'll be able to spot it.

Draughtsmen, you're being put into play first.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

-The Eye of Horus, please.

-OK.

First question of the final

is about to begin.

Your first clue coming up now.

-No.

-It's not Mike England?

Mike England played for Wales.

Ooh, it could be. Shall we go for it?

Mike England played for Wales.

-Was that...?

-Next, then, please.

-Yes, it is.

-BELL

Yes, it's international players...

Mike England played for Wales,

Alan Brazil played for Scotland.

They're international footballers

who have the surname of another country.

Footballers and their playing countries.

What a start to the final,

coming in after two clues.

You get three points.

You didn't need Jason Scotland,

who played for Trinidad and Tobago,

or Matt Holland who played for

the Republic of Ireland. Brilliant.

The final seems to have started, Scribes.

What would you like?

Let's go for Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper.

These are going to be picture clues.

What's the connection?

Here's the first.

It's The Girl With The Pearl Earring

and Vermeer. OK, next, please.

OK, Victoria Coren.

What links Victoria Coren to The Girl With The Pearl Earring?

Next, please.

What's that? A men at work...

She could be just, you know, a host,

or something like that.

Next, please.

Statue of Liberty, OK.

So, liberty at work...

Ten seconds.

-Liberty, work...

-Liberty, work...

What links liberty and work

and Coren, or host, or Victoria?

Three seconds.

BELL

HE HESITATES

Careful.

Things that...appear on...

the US sort of... What's the word?

Constitution.

On the US Constitution?!

I'm going to have to investigate

after the show. But for now,

I don't accept your answer.

There's a possible bonus chance

for the Draughtsmen.

The names of pop groups.

What do you think you're looking at

in the second clue?

-A picture of you.

-Yes.

A talented and witty hostess.

OK, you get the points. No.

Now, look at me

and look back at the clue.

These images have been

flipped horizontally.

They are not accurately portrayed.

The images have been flipped.

Two oil paintings, a roadworks sign,

and the Statue of Liberty,

all represented back-to-front.

No points there, then.

Draughtsmen, your choice.

Lion, please.

What is the connection

between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY MUMBLE

Next, please.

Queen Anne's Revenge, anybody?

Bluebeard, or...

It wasn't pirates, was it?

Carry on, go on.

Next, please.

Barbarossa.

-Red Beard, they're red beards.

-Yeah.

BELL

ALL: Red beards.

I'm afraid that's not the answer,

so I'll show the fourth clue

to the Scribes,

for a possible bonus.

Beards of different colours.

That's what it is!

Now, of course, in the final,

I can't be generous with anyone...

or, indeed, in the rest of my life.

Coloured beards, but not all red.

Barbarossa is that third one.

What about the other three clues?

Yellowbeard is Marty Feldman's last film.

That was his 1983 comedy.

Blackbeard was captain

-of Queen Anne's revenge.

-Correct.

It would teach the pirate

known as Blackbeard.

And what about the last one?

Perrault character, that's Bluebeard.

Bluebeard's Castle, is it?

La barbe bleue, Bluebeard.

Very well done.

And thank you for admiring my French

with that...wonderful expression.

So, you get the bonus points,

and your own question.

Two Reeds, please.

What is the connection?

Here's the first clue.

Anything about Meissa?

M-E-I-S-S-A?

Next, please.

It looks like some kind of...

messing around with letters.

"Manilla," looks like.

Yes...

But head and belt buckle?

Next, please.

Left leg. What's that an anagram of?

It clearly is, isn't it?

Unless I'm doing something... Regal!

Orion's Belt...

It's all parts of Orion, the star.

BELL

Names of stars in the parts of Orion.

That's exactly what it is.

Star positions on the body

of Orion the Hunter.

The shoulder there was Betelgeuse.

Each star matched with

the position you'd find it

on the body of the Hunter.

Very well done.

Back to you, Draughtsmen,

to make a choice.

Water? Water, please.

OK. What is the connection?

Here's the first clue.

-Aldaniti.

-Ridden by Bob Champion.

A champion ridden by Champion?

Shall we go for it?

It was champion ridden by Champion.

OK, yeah.

Well, Bob Champion was the jockey.

That's not Aldaniti.

No, go for the next one.

Next one, please.

It told of Pennywise...

-No, I don't know.

-Oh, that was...

Pennywise the clown, it's in that...

horror film, isn't it? What is it?

-Chuckie.

-Ten seconds.

-Next one.

-Next, please.

-That's...

-Hastings.

Three seconds.

BELL

I need an answer.

No, I'm afraid that's too long.

I have to throw it to the Scribes

for a possible bonus.

The answer is in the statement.

Champion of the 1981 Grand National

is Champion. "It" is the book It,

which told of Pennywise the clown...

Battle is where...

Battle is where Battle Abbey lies...

and the hit with Killer Queen

-is Queen.

-That exactly is it.

You get to see the fourth clue.

Had a 1974 hit with Killer Queen

was Queen.

Well come in, Scribes.

And the last question is yours,

the Twisted Flax.

As you perhaps might have guessed,

it will be the music question.

What's the connection?

First clue coming in now.

# You made me love you

# I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it

# You made me... #

Next, please.

WOMAN SINGS OPERA

THEY MURMUR

-Is it?

-It's Mozart...

But is it...? Is the first one...?

Next, please.

# Everything you say is real... #

This is Stan, by Eminem.

# My girlfriend's jealous cos I... #

-Ten seconds.

-Epistolary songs?

-Ooh.

-Yes? Are you sure?

# They don't know what it was like

# For people like us growing up... #

BELL

Epistolary songs.

Yes! They are songs

told through letter writing.

You didn't need to hear

Hello, Muddah! Hello, Fadduh!

From Allan Sherman.

-What did you hear?

-Stan, Eminem.

I'll do my level

and let these guys do the...

Eminem writing to a crazed fan,

I think, in Stan. What else?

Canzonetta sull'aria was the second.

That's right. And the first one?

That was Judy Garland.

-Judy Garland...

-Judy Garland.

That is a fantastic song,

if you haven't heard it.

Dear Mr Gable, in which

she sings a letter to Clark Gable,

and it's rather amazing.

There's a bit where she stops

and reads the letter.

She sounds like a little child.

"Oh, gee, Mr Gable..."

and then sings like Judy Garland.

It's incredible.

All told through letter writing.

Very well done.

That means, at the end of Round One,

the Draughtsmen have got three points,

but the Scribes are ahead with six.

Round Two is the sequences round.

Teams, I want to know what would be the fourth in a sequence.

You may see, of course, a maximum of three clues

before giving me the answer.

Draughtsmen, you'll be going first again.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

-Horned Viper, please.

-All right.

Work out the connection first, please,

and tell me what would be fourth.

Here's the first.

Oh, yes, it'll be...

That's...Scottish...

There's a Scottish flag.

-Yeah.

-So, what's it...? Scotland...

Shall we go onto the next one?

Next, please.

It'll be...argent cross gule

is the English flag.

And it's the name of the saint,

so it will be G equals...

BELL

G equals argent cross gule.

I'm afraid that's not the answer,

so I'm going to show the third

in the sequence to the Scribes.

You have a chance for a bonus point.

P equals...

Oh, God...

OK. Gule...

I'm going to put you

out of your misery.

Now, Draughtsmen, unfortunately,

what you didn't do is see

the exact sequence.

It is the patron saints' flags,

expressed in heraldic terms,

but in alphabetical order.

A for Andrew, D for David,

G for St George,

so fourth in the sequence,

St Patrick, and that would be

Argent a saltire gules,

which means...red diagonal cross

on a white background.

So, very close,

but you don't get the points.

Scribes, your turn

to choose a question.

Eye of Horus, please.

OK. What would be the fourth

in this sequence?

Here's the first.

OK, interesting. Things taken

on the Scott expedition?

Next, please.

I've heard of her name,

but I can't think what...

-Oh...

-Is it Miss Moneypenny?

No, yeah...

Next, please.

Lord Snot.

Lord Snot was...

Oh, it's the...Scumbag College.

So, who's next? BELL

-Hello.

-These are the...

These are the members of the...

What would be the fourth

in this sequence?

Cuthbert?

-I'm afraid not.

-SHE LAUGHS

I'm afraid not.

So, Draughtsmen,

you have the chance of a bonus.

Desperate Dan...

No! That's far too long.

So, this is the Young Ones

go on University Challenge

and the Scumbag's team

play the Footlights College team,

and next along,

Hugh Laurie plays Lord Monty.

Draughtsmen, back to you

for a choice.

-Two reeds, please.

-OK.

What is the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Someone is buried there,

but I can't think... Next.

Is that where...?

Next.

Ten seconds.

Murders. Is it Dickens?

Three seconds.

BELL

-Eight...

-Eight...

The Hoax on the Thames.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, Scribes, you could come in

for a bonus here.

Eight: Newgate prison.

Not it.

These are the last of the locations

in A Rake's Progress,

the Hogarth cartoons.

And eight would be

Bethlehem Hospital, known as Bedlam.

All right, Scribes, it's your

own question now. Which one?

Lion, please.

What is the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Probably butane...

Oh, yeah. OK. Next, please.

-So, that's...

-But, no...

Let's go... Shall we go...?

Next, please.

I think you're on it.

What's the production of ethylene?

You should know this, shouldn't you?

Ethane? Butane?

Is it going down to methane?

Yes, methane's going to be...

OK, so...what shall I say?

Marsh gas, or something?

No, methane, just say...

Ten seconds.

BELL

Methane.

I mean, have a look

at the way the others are phrased...

I know. Marsh gas?

-Is that all right?

-I'll take that.

These are places where

you would find alkane gases,

or where they'd be used,

and they're getting simpler,

so we're looking at butane, propane,

ethane... Simplest would be methane.

Somewhere you'd find methane,

and marsh gas will do.

Back to you, then, Draughtsmen.

There are two questions left,

so what's your final choice?

Twisted Flax, please.

These are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see

in the last picture?

Here's the first.

Nuts.

No, is that a tamarind seed?

Tamarind...yeah.

-Oh, gosh.

-Is it monkeys? Apes?

No. We don't know,

it's got to be a sequence...

Yeah, I know, but...

Next, please.

That a tamarin monkey, isn't it?

OK, we have a tamarind.

Tamarind. Tamarind, tamarin...

Would that give us the Tamar?

-The River Tamar?

-Tamar.

Yeah, go on then.

-Shall we go for it?

-Yeah.

-BELL

A picture of the River Tamer.

That's exactly what comes fourth.

-And why is that?

-The first one is

tamarind, with a D on the end.

The next is a tamarin monkey,

without the D.

Presumably, the third is tamari...

Tamari soy sauce,

you didn't need to see it.

And Tamar, the river

dividing Devon and Cornwall,

and you take one letter off

-each time.

-Excellent.

Taking a letter of the end

each time, you arrive at Tamar,

and the River Tamar

is exactly what we chose.

Thank you very much.

One remaining question, Scribes,

the Water question.

That'll be for you.

First in the sequence coming up now.

North North North East, presumably.

Next, please.

North East East... OK, let's try and think outside the letters...

Yeah... Next, please.

THEY MURMUR

East East South East...

Is it going to be the fourth

on a very particular...?

Ten seconds.

Is it what you think?

Three seconds.

Try it, we'll try it. BELL

-SSSW.

-I'm afraid that's not correct,

so there's a bonus chance

for the Draughtsmen.

-No.

-SSES.

Yeah, sort of. If we were playing

the board game Mastermind, you'd get

a couple of black pegs or white pegs

for the right thing in the wrong place.

They're pairs of compass points

going clockwise.

So, we're looking at...

North and North North East,

North East and East North East,

East and East South East

and next would be

South East and South South East,

represented by SESSE.

We're going around the compass.

So, close, but not quite right.

That means, then, at the end of Round Two,

the Draughtsmen are up to 6 points,

but the Scribes are ahead with eight.

Pounding onwards through the final.

Oh, dear, we've crashed into a wall, a Connecting Wall to be precise,

and Scribes, you'll be going first this time.

Let me offer you a choice. Lion or Water?

-Lion, please.

-OK.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve the Lion wall,

starting...now.

Jack Ketch, Jack Frost. Jack Sprat...

Yeah, but also...boats.

Yawl and Ketch are...

These are types of...salmon, something like that.

-They're the names for salmon...

-Codling...

-Oh, yes, no, it's just...

-Baby fish.

-Young fish.

-OK.

-Levin?

-I don't know if that is.

I'm going to leave that and then try...

OK, so that's young fish.

Then we've got Jack.

So, Snow and Frost are both TV presenters...

Jack Snow and Jack Frost...

Yawl and ketch are ships.

Brigantine, I think is. Is a Buss?

No. Is a Levin?

No.

Jack Sprat, Jack Frost, Jack Snow and Jack Ketch?

Levin? Is it Jack Levin?

-Willie Rushton, perhaps.

-Mormon.

What would connect Mormon, here?

Do we know what Brigantine specifically is?

-Some kind of parachute, or something...

-OK.

You are halfway through the time.

-Buss was a painting as well.

-OK. OK.

Let's... Shall I try and see if I can get these Jacks?

What...?

Did you say there was a Jack Snow?

-Not that I know of.

-Oh, OK.

OK. We need...snow.

What connects snow...?

Have we got...?

John Snow, perhaps.

Blunderbuss...

Is there anyone else apart from Willie Rushton?

I think I'm going to keep going on this,

just in case I've missed something really stupid.

Bernard Levin?

-Sort of writers.

-Philosophers...

These are...

-That Was The Week That Was.

-Oh, OK.

-Frost...

OK, I think you might be onto something there.

30 seconds.

OK. I'd better keep looking at these...

-Is Martin involved?

-Yeah.

Maybe Frost is the... Oh, great.

Three lives now....

-Jack Frost, Jack Snow...

-Jack Ketch?

-OK.

-Jack Sprat.

-I think we've tried that.

Two lives and ten seconds.

Yawl, Ketch, Brigantine...

I think I've tried this as well.

One more life.

OK, I'd better just quickly do something.

No, that's it, your time is up and the wall's frozen.

So, two groups there. What about the connections?

Fry, Smolt, Alevin, Codling?

The young of fish.

Young fish. Well done.

And the Green group? Levin, Martin, Rushton, Percival.

-That Was The Week That Was?

-That's absolutely right.

Bernard Levin, Millicent Martin,

Willie Rushton and Lance Percival,

regulars on That Was The Week That Was.

You can still get points for the groups you didn't find,

so let's fix the wall...

Mormon, Ketch, Frost, Sprat.

Would they be preceded by Jack?

They can. They are metaphorical Jacks.

A lapsed Mormon is known as a Jack Mormon.

I think that the one you couldn't spot there.

And the last one, Snow, Brigantine, Buss, Yawl...

Based on yawl,

I think I'd better go for...they're kind of boats.

-Do you want more?

-I'll take it.

-I'd like to hear more, it is the final.

-Sailing boats?

Yeah, they're two-masted sailing boats, in fact,

but they are boats, so I'll accept it.

So, you found two groups and four connections,

that's six points.

Time to bring in their opponents to see what they can do

with their own Connecting Wall.

Different clues must be solved in the same way.

Now, I'm afraid I have to say, Draughtsmen,

like a stern barman, it's Water for you.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve this wall,

starting...now.

American Graffiti...

-Black Bag job...

-Tinribs...

They're both robots.

Tinribs and Mr Logic. Both robots.

I can't see any more. Candelabra?

-Eight Ace, Black Bag...?

-Candelabra?

Burnistoun?

Burnistoun sounds Scottish...

Eight Ace is a Viz character, isn't it?

-Right...

-Mr Logic's a Viz character...

-Right...

-Tinribs, is that...?

-Tinribs is a Viz character as well, yes.

And, what else have we got?

-Black Bag. Black Bag is.

-Oh, well done.

We got an exchange, I think, possibly.

-Employment exchange, data exchange...

-Hang on.

Consumer, opera... no. Coast...

Agenda, Sportscene... Sportscene's a TV programme, isn't it? Yeah.

River City sounds like it's a TV programme.

Candelabra could be a TV programme...

-Wasn't River City in the Music Man?

-Was it?

Burnistoun, River City...

We'll go for places, possibly?

Gold Coast...

I'm just thinking American Graffiti...

You're about halfway through the time.

Hidden agenda? Graffito, graffiti...

Something, data, graffiti, agenda...

-Opera.

-Opera...

Ah!

-Candelabra.

-Candelabria.

Candelabra, agenda, data...

Do...do graffiti.

-Right.

-Candelabra, data...

No, it wouldn't be that simple.

-I think that's what you're going for though, isn't it?

-Yeah.

What's Burnistoun? I was thinking...

Agenda, graffiti, data...

We've not got any hidden words in here, have we?

30 seconds, now.

Leave that one out.

-River City?

-On the coast...

Consumer...

-Consumer programme...

-Landward?

-River City Blues, is that?

-Ten seconds.

Graffiti blues, employment blues...

And that's it, you're out of time, but you found a group.

I'll give you a point if you can tell me the connection.

Eight Ace, Mr Logic, Tinribs, Black Bag.

Characters in Viz comic.

They are in Viz cartoon strips, that's right.

More points available for the connections,

so let's resolve the wall.

River City, Landward, Burnistoun, Sportscene.

Scottish TV programmes.

That is absolutely it!

-TV programmes commissioned by BBC Scotland.

-Oh, my word!

Sportscene was right!

-You plucked that out of the air.

-We did.

-Now, what about this one?

Coast, employment, data, consumer.

They can all be followed by protection.

That's right, Protection Acts.

They all have Protection Acts after those names.

And the last one, graffiti, opera, agenda, candelabra.

ALL: They are all plural forms.

They are all plural forms, but widely used in the singular.

I must tell you, you put data in that group every time,

and it was never there.

But you did find one group

and you got four rather miraculous connection points,

that's a total of five.

Let's see what that does to the scores

as we go into the final round.

The Draughtsmen have got 11 points, but the Scribes are ahead with 14.

In a shocking piece of late breaking news,

it turns out we've got a website.

We had it all along,

and you can play Connecting Walls

on there. Marvellous.

But we're going to play Round Four, the Missing Vowels Round,

which I think will decide the champion of Only Connect.

So, fingers on buzzers, teams.

Enunciate with care.

The first group are all things that good children do.

-Scribes?

-Keep their elbows off the table.

-Correct.

-Scribes?

-Say please and thank you.

-Correct.

-Draughtsmen?

-Respect their elders.

-Quite right.

-Scribes?

-Eat their greens.

-Correct.

Next category, wooden objects and their traditional wood.

-Draughtsmen?

-Cricket bat and willow.

-Correct.

-Scribes?

-Electric chair and oak.

-Correct.

-Draughtsmen?

-The temple and cedar.

-I'm afraid you lose a point.

Scribes, do you know it?

Too long. Totem pole and cedar. Next clue.

-Scribes?

-Longbow and yew.

-Correct.

Next category, three consecutive months.

-Scribes?

-December, January, February.

-Correct.

-Draughtsmen?

-June, July, August.

-I'm afraid you lose a point.

Scribes?

Too long. It is Juin, Juillet, Aout. Next clue.

Don't know this one?

From the French Revolutionary calendar,

Prairial, Messidor, Thermidor. Next clue.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

Draughtsmen, you buzzed in, but too late.

The as was, in Spanish, Marzo, Abril, Mayo.

But the bell's gone off,

which means it's the end of the quiz.

And after a brilliant tournament performance,

the Draughtsmen finish with 11 points.

But the winners and new champions of Only Connect, with 20 points,

it's the Scribes.

Very well done to you, absolutely brilliant quizzing.

Actually, all the teams. Really terrific.

And what a great episode to become champions in,

because, of course, it's our 100th show,

and I want to say a sincere thank you

to everyone here in Cardiff and elsewhere,

including the viewers, for helping us get to our centenary,

especially our brilliantly devious Question Editor, Mr Bodycombe,

with his multiple fingers.

And teams, to mark our 100th,

we've got seven lovely glasses of sherry here.

So I'm just going to give out the trophy,

and then get on with drinking them. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd