Corpuscles v Cat Lovers Only Connect

Four quizzers go into a bar... I'm joking!

Four quizzers sit alone at home.

Hello. I missed you too!

But it's OK because we're back for a new series of Only Connect.

Quickly, let's meet the teams.

On my right, Paul Taylor,

a research assistant with a doctorate in biochemistry

who coaches an Oxford college women's rowing crew.

Seb Page, a history researcher and whisky aficionado

who once appeared in the national press

after he made a controversial discovery about Abraham Lincoln.

And captain, Sam Kay, a chartered accountant and plane-spotter

who works as an internal auditor for a national airline.

They're all graduates of Corpus Christi College, Oxford.

They are the Corpuscles.

Sam, that's an impressive academic pedigree you've got between you.

Do you have any gaps in your knowledge?

I think art and literature is one area we might struggle in today.

-But, other than that, we're all right.

-Well, that always comes up.

You will be facing tonight on my left

Roger Johnson, a retired librarian

whose ancestor was the subject of the notorious melodrama,

The Murder Of Maria Marten and The Red Barn.

Jean Upton, a photographer and former yoga instructor

who once shared a bottle of Southern Comfort with Janis Joplin.

And their captain, Jim Crozier, an amateur dramatics enthusiast

whose voice appeared in the Oscar-winning film, Shakespeare In Love.

They are the proud owners of Tristan, Penny, Benedict and Nicky.

They are the Cat Lovers.

I mentioned you were the owners of these animals.

-Do you think you can really own a cat?

-It is debatable.

I think "owned by" is probably a more accurate description.

I lived with a cat for a bit. It moved in, it moved out.

We didn't discuss ownership.

Now, we've changed the format slightly here at Only Connect.

It's no longer a direct knockout.

Instead, the first rounds involve eight teams - some of whom will win, some of whom will lose -

but all of whom will go through.

If the winners then win, they become semi-finalists.

If they lose, they can play again to win and become semi-finalists.

If the losers then win, they can play again to become semi-finalists.

But if the winners then lose, they'd have to play again.

When we have a lot of semi-finalists,

they play other semi-finalists to become finalists.

But in rounds one, two and three,

losers play winners, winners play losers,

and they're all trying to become semi-finalists.

Just to clarify that, here's a diagram.

I am hoping to get my head round that by about week 10.

Luckily, the way we play the game has not changed.

In Round One, I simply want to know

what is the connection between four apparently random clues?

Cat Lovers, you won the toss,

but you have elected to put the Corpuscles in first.

So, Corpuscles, please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

Can we have Water, please?

Kicking off the series with water. I never do!

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Do you know anything about that at all?

Do they have particular names?

Next...

Is it a number?

Do you know what Casey at the Bat is?

-Is that a song?

-I don't know.

-It'll be a number of people.

Next.

5,000 metres or 10,000 metres?

5,000? Shall we get the next one just in case?

BELL

We think the connection is the number 5,000.

I'm afraid that's not the answer, so I'm going to show the fourth clue

to the Cat Lovers for a possible bonus.

We think the connection is 10,000.

I'm afraid it is 10,000.

What was your thinking?

We think eyes watching "Casey at the Bat" must be a song

or something like that with 5,000 pairs of eyes.

Obviously Mo Farah won the 5K and the 10K, so...

Eyes watching "Casey at the Bat" -

"Casey at the Bat" is a poem about baseball.

It is 5,000 pairs of eyes, making 10,000 eyes.

Mo Farah's FIRST Olympic gold was for the 10,000 metres.

Cyrus the Younger gathered 10,000 mercenaries for battle

and Myriad from the Greek "myrias", meaning 10,000.

So very close, but it was a bonus point to the Cat Lovers,

who may now choose their own question.

Lion, please.

-The music question.

-Oh, joy(!)

You will be shouting "next" when you want to hear the next clue.

Here's the first.

# Ever so lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lonely...

I know who that is and I can't remember their names.

-Isn't that annoying? Wait for the next?

-Yeah.

Next, please.

# Single girl, I don't want to be a single girl

-# Single girl... #

-Next, please.

# Never ever have I ever felt so low... #

That's All Saints.

# When you gonna take me out of this black hole... #

-You're not getting anything from these two, are you?

-No.

Next, please.

# Because maybe... #

We've got All Saints and Oasis.

# You're going to be the one that saves me... #

Five seconds.

# And after all... #

-BELL

-Yes?

-I can't give you a long time.

-Britpop?

-Sorry?

-Britpop acts.

Now, you know I can't accept that,

-or you might as well say they're all songs.

-Awful answer, I know!

I'm afraid I can't accept it.

There's a possible bonus chance for the Corpuscles.

-Some of them were married to each other?

-Oh! Sort of.

I think some people from the third and fourth pieces are married,

but you could never connect all of them.

The bands that we heard from were Monsoon, Lush,

All Saints and Oasis.

-All bands that share their names with High Street retailers.

-Right.

Back to you then, Corpuscles, to pick a hieroglyph.

-Can we have the Twisted Flax, please?

-You certainly may.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

-Is that a poem?

-No idea.

Next.

Some acts that happened?

-Are those dates?

-Calendars possibly.

Next.

Is this never? Are these phrases for never?

-Do you want to get the last one just in case?

-Yes.

-Next.

Yes. BELL

They are phrases people use to mean never

or they're events that will never happen.

You should've come in after just three clues. Quite right.

Like me saying, "I'm exhausted after that jog."

Things that will never happen.

St Geoffrey's Day - of course, there was no St Geoffrey.

-What about on the Greek Calends?

-Because it's Roman, is it?

-Exactly.

The reign of Queen Dick and when Dover and Calais meet -

synonyms for never. Back to you, Cat Lovers.

Horned Viper, please.

OK, you're going to be seeing some pictures.

What is the connection between them? Here's the first.

This looks like an American football line-up.

Next, please.

That's a Davy lamp.

-Safety lamp?

-Strategy lamp.

-Oh! Strong safety. I think safety might be the answer.

-Try it.

-Do you want to gamble?

-Yes.

-Happy to gamble?

-Go ahead.

BELL Safety.

I like your gambling style!

Coming in after two clues, you get three points.

The connection is safety. Tell me about the first picture.

That picture is a defensive line-up for an American football game.

The two positions that are ringed

are the strong safety and the free safety.

Safety positions in American football. A safety lamp, of course.

-What else are we seeing?

-Safety curtain.

And Harold Lloyd's film, Safety First... Safety Last!

Safety Last, in fact. Absolutely right. Safety is the connection.

Very well done to you. Good buzzing.

-Corpuscles.

-Can we have the Eye of Horus, please?

-You certainly can.

What is the connection here? Time starts now.

Gawain and The Green Knight is Arthurian.

Next.

-Braun?

-I don't know.

Next.

-Kryten from Red Dwarf.

-They're all green?

Kryten's not green. What does Kryten have to do...

Homophone of Michael Crichton...

Next.

-Ten seconds.

-Scarecrow.

There's no scarecrow connection there.

Three seconds.

-BELL

-Yes?

Are they...all played by the same actor?

And which actor do you think plays the electric toothbrush?

He gets well paid for voice-overs.

To be honest, I think Matt Damon's quite a bland actor.

He could probably play an electric toothbrush,

but officially not the answer.

Over to the Cat Lovers for a possible bonus point.

We think they can all change their heads.

That's what it is. They have detachable heads.

The Green Knight, of course, when he'd been beheaded by Gawain

just picked up his head and walked away with it.

Electric toothbrush - you can change the head.

Kryten in Red Dwarf has how many spare heads?

-Three.

-Three spare heads.

And Worzel Gummidge -

I always thought that was rather hideous as a child.

In the books, the Worzel Gummidge books,

that he put different heads on. I didn't enjoy it.

I don't like books about heads coming off.

Well done for the bonus point

and it's back to you for the last question, the Two Reeds.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next please.

Next please.

Next please.

Ten seconds.

They're all innkeepers.

-Positive?

-Yes.

I'm going to hand this over to my colleague Mr Johnson.

I think they're all innkeepers.

They are literary innkeepers and publicans.

-Where from?

-I only know the two, I'm afraid.

Mistress Quickly is the landlady of the Boar's Head at Eastcheap.

Barliman Butterbur, Prancing Pony at Bree.

Thenardier is Les Mis, isn't it?

Thenardier couple is from les Mis.

Mistress Quickly from the Henry plays

and which other Shakespeare play?

Merry Wives Of Windsor.

-Harry Bailey? Do you know Harry Bailey?

-It's ringing a bell.

He's at the Tabard in Southwark. Does that help?

The Canterbury Tales.

Harry Bailey is the publican to whom the pilgrims tell their tales.

Very well done for the point.

Meaning, at the end of round one,

the Corpuscles have got a point but the Cat Lovers are ahead with 6.

On to Round Two, the sequences round.

This time, the teams may see up to three clues

but I want to know what would come fourth in the sequence.

Corpuscles, which sequence is it to be?

-The Horned Viper please.

-OK, the Horned Viper.

You're going to be seeing pictures.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

Oh, the fourth is Greens, third Lib Dems...

THEY CONFER

BELL

A blue rosette with the number 1 in it.

I'm afraid that's not the answer.

I'm going to have to bring up the third in the sequence

and throw it to the Cat Lovers for a possible bonus.

A red rosette with the number 1 in it.

Well, you've got lucky because it is the red rosette with the number 1.

-Do you know why?

-No.

What is a shame, Corpuscles, is that you had it with the first clue.

It is rosettes in horse competitions and gymkhanas.

It's fourth, third, second and first.

The winner, the first place gets a red rosette.

You had it and then it slithered out of your grasp. Unlucky.

Your turn, Cat Lovers to choose a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-What would be the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Next, please.

We're going to have to guess 20. It adds up to 10.

Have you got anything better?

Three seconds.

BELL

-Yes?

-20, 6 and 4.

Not, I'm afraid, the answer.

There is a bonus chance for you now, Corpuscles.

20, 10 and three.

No.

I'm thinking, perhaps none of you plays darts.

These are numbers on the dartboard and what appears either side.

Number 17 comes between 3 and 2.

18 between 1 and 4 and 20 is 5 and 1.

Those are the numbers on either side of 20 on a dartboard.

Corpuscles, what would you like?

Can we have Lion, please?

You certainly can. These are going to be pictures.

What would you expect to see on the fourth picture? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

Spectacles. Testicles.

BELL

We think it may be watch.

It is watch.

Coming in after two clues, you get three points. Brilliant.

Why would that be?

It's the check you have to perform before leaving the house.

-Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.

-Interesting.

It's the right sequence and the right answer.

-Not quite the reason we had in mind.

-Is it the cruciform?

It's for the sign of the cross.

Possibly, in the modern, lonely godless world,

it's just what you check for when you leave the house.

One thinks of it as an mnemonic for the sign of the cross.

One would normally expect to see a fob or a pocket watch there.

We've just got a normal watch. Never mind the reasons.

You're absolutely right with your answer. Very well done.

-Back to you, Cat Lovers.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What will be the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Time signature, key signature.

-Are you happy to go for key signature?

-I'm happy with that.

Are you happy with that?

We've got plenty of time. We can think about this.

If it's the way things are written down,

you have staff first then you have clef.

Then the time, then the key.

-Is that right? You're a musician.

-I don't read music.

Go for it.

BELL

Key signature.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

I'm going to show the third in the sequence to the Corpuscles.

Would you like to have a go for a bonus?

The key signature is not before the time signature is. Never.

-It's the only thing left.

-Why not? Time signature.

I'm afraid the key signature is before the time signature

if you're reading a piece of music.

Lengthways, so time signature is the answer for a bonus. Well done.

Can I come back to something you said earlier, Corpuscles?

Do you check your testicles before leaving the house?

LAUGHTER

-Check you've got everything, you know.

-To be honest, I'm impressed.

Men's health is terribly important.

All men should check regularly, but every time you leave the house?

Very well done.

Anyway, that's a bonus point to you. You get to choose a question.

Can we have Twisted Flax, please?

You certainly can. What is the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

-They're waves.

-Alpha.

BELL

Alpha, helium nuclei.

A perfect answer.

Exactly what I wanted to hear, and why?

They're different types of radiation so delta radiation,

-gamma radiation, beta radiation, alpha radiation.

-That is it.

Types of atomic radiation in order of...?

-Increasing ionising strength.

-Increasing energy is the order.

Very well done and back to the Cat Lovers.

For the final question, Water. What is the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

He's not a duck.

Next, please.

-Father of flight.

-Abraham...

THEY CONFER

BELL

Bart.

That is the answer I'm looking for. Well done and why?

Generations of Simpsons.

That's what it is. From the sublime to the ridiculous.

Radiation one minute, Simpsons the next

and these are generations of The Simpsons going downwards.

Well done, all of you. Rather a nail-biting Round Two.

The scores now see the Corpuscles with 8 points

and the Cat Lovers only just ahead with 9.

Time now for the Connecting Wall.

16 clues all jumbled up that need to be sorted into four connecting

groups of four.

If the programme is not exciting enough,

maybe you'd like to make your own quiz.

Or do the walls online at the same time as the teams.

They'll be going up on the website now.

Cat Lovers, it is your turn to go first this time.

You've got a choice. Lion or water?

-I think it has to be the Lion for us.

-It has to be the Lion.

You have got two and a half minutes to solve it. Starting now.

THEY CONFER

Shall we start looking at detectives?

-Queen? No, I didn't think so.

-Poirot, Marlowe...

Guerrilla warfare. Viral, can you have?

We need another PI.

Live-in partner?

-We've got Buzz, Woody...

-Woody Allen, Woody Herman...

-No, we've got Toy Story.

-Oh, Toy Story.

-Buzz, Woody, Rex...

-Etch.

BUZZ

-No, there's another one. Which is the other one?

-Hamm?

OK, let's do it without Etch.

OK, let's do it without Hamm.

No, I've tried that, let's do it without Woody.

Let's do it without Buzz.

Right, OK.

How are we doing on our PIs?

-I haven't eliminated any.

-No.

We're halfway through the time.

-Spade...

-Live-in lover?

Um...

Guerrilla...

It's a homophone - it's also gorilla.

-Are there any others?

-I don't think so.

Go ahead. Keep talking.

Poirot has got to be a PI.

Unless it sounds like something else?

Not really.

Let's try the PIs.

-What have we not done?

-Spade and guerrilla sound like other words.

-They do.

-Ye-e-es...all right.

-Alamy?

-Alamy? It doesn't mean anything.

-Let's give it a try.

Because we're running out of time.

Corbis doesn't mean anything to me.

-I need another PI.

-You've got 30 seconds.

What's Buzz if it's not Buzz Lightyear?

Sounds...

It's a sound that animals make?

It's a rumour...

Hit things at random and see if we get anywhere.

Ten seconds now.

Corbis...

-Marlowe...

-Yes.

-We'll get these as soon as we see them.

And you're out of time.

-And the wall has frozen.

-Never mind!

Frustrating, but you did get a group, so a point for that.

And I'll give you another point if you can tell me the connection.

They are all characters in Toy Story.

That is correct. And you can get other connecting points

for the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

So what about that one?

Viral, Buzz, Live-in, Guerrilla?

They are all different types of campaign.

I'll take it. Types of marketing.

Types of marketing campaign. You suddenly saw it there.

It suddenly came to me.

It was one you hadn't spotted while you were doing it.

And the next one - Corbis, Getty, Magnum, Alamy.

Museums?

The Getty Museum? Could be.

Oh, well, got to go with something. Museums.

You just don't know this one, I think. They are picture agencies.

-Photo agencies.

-Of course!

I knew I recognised Corbis from somewhere,

-but I wasn't able to place it.

-And the last group.

Marlowe, Poirot, Spade, Queen.

I thought we'd done that. Fictional private detectives.

They ARE detectives. Now, I'm afraid what you did was every time

you went for that group, you put Magnum in there.

-Yep.

-Nevertheless,

you do get a point for the group you found.

And three more connecting points - that is a total of four points.

Time to bring back the Corpuscles, remove old Connecting Wall, put in a new one and throw it at them.

Corpuscles, it's the Water Wall that remains for you.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it,

starting now.

Treaty of Versailles?

Clement Attlee... Eden, Attlee, who else have we got?

Clegg.

Anyone else? Morrison?

Gosh. OK, we've got Rab Butler...

OK, we've got those.

Gardens. Kew Gardens.

Kew Archives.

-Monet Gardens?

-Versailles.

What other sort of...?

Let's try a couple.

Remember, it's three strikes and you're out.

Pass the buck, pass the baton, pass the torch,

-pass the parcel.

-So, what else have we got?

-We've also got hat.

That leaves Lessing, Morrison and Jelinek.

Are they... Lessing. What's Lessing?

What's Jelinek?

Any ideas on Jelinek?

-Oh, um...

-Morrison.

Are we sure this is gardens rather than something...? That's gardens.

Well, is Monet a garden?

Famous for it.

Pass the parcel, pass the baton...

Torch... So what's hat...?

Is it a word? Like, is there a word hint?

Less, more, jelly.

Line...hat...

Morrison the singer... Van Morrison?

Are they Van?

-Van Morrison, Van Hat...?

-Yeah, go for that.

-You're about halfway through the time.

-Try that.

BUZZ

Two more attempts now.

What else can you pass? You can pass the hat, like a collection.

-So is there a Van...

-Van Baton?

-Van Torch?

-I thought Van Buck was the most likely.

Parcel, Baton, Torch, like that.

That's it, you've solved the wall. So that's an immediate four points,

you'll be looking now for the connections.

First group - Clegg, Eden, Butler, Attlee.

-They're...leaders of parties.

-I need an answer.

Leaders of parties?

Now, they are not all leaders of parties. I can't take it,

because they are very specifically not all that.

They are, in fact, Deputy Prime Ministers.

-Oh...

-Rab Butler was Harold Macmillan's deputy,

not the leader of the party.

Next group -

Babylon, Kew, Monet, Versailles.

Are there Monet Gardens?

I can't think of a better connection.

Think they're all gardens?

They're famous gardens, simple as that. Next one.

Hat, Torch, Parcel, Baton.

Things that you can pass.

That's it - things that you can pass. And the last group.

Lessing, Morrison, Buck, Jelinek.

Are they The Doors? Are they the surnames of The Doors?

They are not!

NOT the surnames of The Doors.

These are women who have won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

It's Doris Lessing, Toni Morrison,

Pearl Buck and Elfrida Jelinek.

Women who have won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

You do get four points for solving the wall and two more points

for the connections. That is a total of six points.

Let's see what that does to the scores going into Round Four.

The Cat Lovers have got 13 points,

but the Corpuscles are now ahead with 14.

So it's all change, and if you're greedy for more walls,

you will find them on our website, where you can even make your own.

We're going to play the missing vowels round, where the well-known

names, phrases or sayings have had the vowels removed

and the consonants respaced.

Teams, I want to know what are those disguised clues.

The first group are all sausages.

BELL Chipolata.

BELL

Mortadella.

BELL Polony.

BELL Liverwurst.

Next category...

BELL

Deep Blue Sea.

BELL

The Purple Rose Of Cairo.

BELL

-Clockwork Orange.

-I'm sorry?

-A Clockwork Orange.

-I'm afraid

I didn't hear the A the first time - I HAVE to deduct a point.

And there's a possible bonus for the Cat Lovers.

-A Clockwork Orange.

-That IS the answer. Next clue.

BELL

Soylent Green.

Next category...

BELL

South Sudan.

BELL

Eritrea.

BELL

-Romania?

-I'm afraid you lose a point.

Possible bonus point, Corpuscles.

That's too long - it's Armenia. Next clue.

END-OF-QUIZ JINGLE

That bell means it's the end of the quiz. The last one was East Timor.

What a nail-biting Round Four!

Losing points, winning points.

Looking at the final scores...

the Corpuscles finish on 17 points,

but the Cat Lovers win with 18.

Very well done. That means we'll be seeing you again, Cat Lovers,

as you try to win through to the semi-final.

And of course, as per our new format, we'll be seeing you again, Corpuscles,

as you try to win through to the semi-final. Brilliant, though,

because two very equally-weighted teams.

I'm glad that no-one's going home. Thank you very much for playing.

Thank you for watching.

Thank you, too, to the people who normally plan the timetables

for Network SouthEast, for their help in devising our new format.

-Goodbye.

-LAUGHTER

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd