Cartophiles v Celts Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect,

the quiz that's unafraid to mix high culture and low culture, the classic and the new.

To us, the Elgin Marbles have always been "totes amazeballs".

Joining me tonight, on my right,

Colin Kidd, an accountant and Watford FC supporter,

who once won second prize in a Belfast Bonnie Baby competition,

Mark Cooper, a civil servant who enjoys playing board games and taking long train journeys,

and their captain, Josh Mandel,

a fraud investigator and Oxford English graduate learning to play the accordion.

United by a passion for maps, they are the Cartophiles.

So, Josh, well done on finding the studio. How has your team been preparing for Only Connect?

-We've memorised every fact in existence.

-Excellent.

-How long did that take?

-A couple of weeks.

-Delighted to hear it.

You will be facing Beverley Downes, a keen chef and food blogger with a passion for musical theatre,

David Pritchard, a civil servant who enjoys bird-watching and collecting fossils,

and their captain, Huw Pritchard, a former librarian

who enjoys hillwalking in North Wales with his whippet Ted.

Graduates of the University of Wales who live and work in Wales, they are the Celts.

CONVERSATION IN WELSH

Well, that's easy for you to say(!)

We've changed the format slightly.

Now the teams don't have to win outright to go through.

They can lose and still go through to a different sort of heat which they have to win or they go home,

but if they win, they could go home later, and when you've understood that, write in and explain it to me!

Round One remains much the same. I want to know the connection between four apparently random clues.

Celts, you won the toss.

Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-OK, we'll have the Two Reeds, please.

-The Two Reeds.

You're going to be seeing picture clues.

What is the connection between them? Time starts now.

WHISPERING

Next.

-It's a fort, is it? It's a fort?

-India.

-It's India.

-Yeah.

-Next.

All Reds. They're all Reds.

We think that they're all Red.

Coming in after three clues, you get two points.

Red is the connection. There's the fourth clue.

-What are you looking at?

-I think the second one is The Red Fort in India.

-That's right, in Delhi.

-I imagine the third one is a Red Mill?

Moulin Rouge, the "Red Windmill".

The first one, I don't know. It's not Red Square?

The last one's Red Square. We don't know the first one.

The last one is Red Square. That first one is the Alhambra,

which means "the red one" in Arabic, the Alhambra in Granada in Spain.

But well done for two points.

Over to you, Cartophiles, to choose a hieroglyph.

We'll have the Twisted Flax, please.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

-Mariah Carey...

-Plus 11.

She had a hit with that song 11 years after the other guy.

OK, next, please.

Princess Anne, plus five...

Princess Anne...

She was in the Olympics. Mariah Carey wasn't in the Olympics.

-We need another.

-Next.

It's age gaps. She's married to Aaron Johnson.

-Ten seconds.

-Older or younger?

-He's younger than her.

RINGS BELL

It's the age gaps between these ladies and their spouses.

That is exactly what it is. The last one was Joan Collins,

32 years older than her husband.

When I met my husband, he was younger than me, but I take five years off every birthday.

By our tenth anniversary, it'll be obscene on paper!

Very well done. Two points to you.

-Back to the Celts to choose a glyph.

-Lion, please.

Lion... Ah, the music question. Always nice to hear that.

Shout "next" when you want to hear the next clue. Here's the first.

# Ours a love I held tightly

# Feeling the rapture... #

Next, please.

# Got to keep on dancing, keep on dancing... #

Boogie Nights.

They're all films. They're all names of films.

BELL

They're all films.

-Have another go.

-The title of the song is the title of a film.

They are songs that share their titles with film titles.

Very well done. Three points. What did you hear?

We heard Blue Velvet by Bobby Vinton, a film by David Lynch.

We heard Boogie Nights by Heatwave, a film by Paul Thomas Anderson.

Fantastic. We would have heard The Crying Game and Pretty Woman,

but you didn't need to. Excellent stuff.

-Cartophiles, your turn.

-Water, please.

Water. Let's see your clues, starting now.

-Does that ring any bells?

-That's part of a song.

-Do you know what song?

-No.

-Next.

Rephrasing of something else...

Next.

Oh, yes, it's...

That Mrs Doubt... Mrs, um...

Ten seconds.

-The Sheridan play. Mrs...

-Malaprop.

-Mrs Malaprop.

Go on, Colin.

-They're malapropisms.

-They are malapropisms,

as spoken by Mrs Malaprop in Sheridan's The Rivals.

-You wanted to say Mrs Doubtfire.

-I nearly did.

-I recognise that.

"Quiz brain freeze," we call it. Doubtfire, Doubtfire.

Mrs Malaprop, who famously misquoted things to hilarious effect.

Do you know what these quotes should be, what she's trying to say?

The last one should be an alligator.

"An alligator on the banks of the Nile."

-"The pinnacle of politeness."

-"He is the very pinnacle of politeness."

-"Solve my mystery?"

-Resolve. "He will resolve my mystery."

The first one, I heard you say, "Is it a song?"

It sounds like it's going to be "Modern Major-General".

There's something very Gilbert and Sullivan about it.

It should be, "His phraseology is so grammatical."

-Well done. Nice, high-scoring round. Back to you, Celts, for the last choice of the round.

-Horned Viper.

The Horned Viper. What is the connection? Here is the first clue.

Oh, it's Sid Meier games.

-Pardon?

-Sid Meier games.

-Do you want to get the next?

-Next, please.

No, it can't...

-Civilization.

-What's Civilization V?

-Is it a game?

-It's a game.

-What did you say?

-A Sid Meier game.

-I don't understand. What are you saying?

-It's a computer game.

Next.

-Does that make sense?

-No.

-Ten seconds.

-Next.

-Next.

Oh, they're hexagonal.

They are... Yeah, I see.

-Hexagonal.

-They are hexagonal structures.

-What can you tell me about that first clue?

-Beverley knows it.

It's a game, a Sid Meier computer game?

That's it, a computer simulation game.

Blockbusters, though, a moment of tribute to that great quiz.

We revere our forefathers at Only Connect.

Blockbusters with the brilliant Bob Holness used a hexagonal board.

Hexagons was the link. Well done.

The last clue, the Eye of Horus, is going to be for you, Cartophiles.

Your first clue is coming up now.

-Puyi...

-He was the last Emperor.

He was the last Emperor of China.

Next.

-The last Kaiser?

-Yeah.

-Shall I go for it?

-Yeah.

They're all last emperors or last monarchs.

Brilliant, coming in after two clues, you get three points.

Last emperors. Last emperors of where?

Puyi was the last Emperor of China.

Wilhelm II was the last Emperor of Germany.

Haile Selassie, Abyssinia, Ethiopia.

And George VI was the last Emperor of India.

A perfect answer, a stylish ending to a great round for both of you.

At the end of Round One then:

Round Two is the sequences round. This time, teams, you still need to work out the connection,

but I want to know what is fourth in the sequence.

Celts, you pick a question first.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

You may see up to three clues before giving me the answer.

What's fourth? Here's the first.

WHISPERING

It's obviously some sort of human rights... Next.

Next.

-Geneva Conventions.

-Do you think?

-Yeah.

-Do you want the next or...? I don't know.

Yeah, take the next. Take the next.

Next again, please.

Oh, it's the American...

-Freedom of speech?

-Amendments.

-OK, yes, I think...

RINGS BELL

-Are they amendments...?

-What is fourth in the sequence?

-Freedom...

-1.

-Freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech.

A beautifully given answer. You fumbled your way there.

I will accept it. "1: Freedom of speech."

Or freedom of the press or religion or assembly. What is the connection?

Are they amendments to the American Constitution?

That's right, going down to "1".

You were thinking Geneva Convention, then you saw number 2.

"The right to bear arms." Americans like that. How could it go wrong?

How could it go wrong when everyone has a gun?

I see no downside(!) I've got one.

I haven't got one. Cartophiles, over to you to pick a hieroglyph.

We'll have Two Reeds, please.

What is the fourth in this sequence? You'll be seeing pictures.

What would you see in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

The National Gallery.

-Yeah.

-So it's the four sides of Trafalgar Square.

-We don't know which way round they're going.

-Next.

-Next.

-It's the British Museum.

-Is it?

-Is that on Trafalgar Square?

-I'm not sure.

-Go "next".

-Next.

No, forget that.

Is that Grand Central Station?

-It's a sequence...

-Ten seconds.

Shall we guess something?

I'm looking forward to this answer.

-Buckingham Palace.

-Why would it be Buckingham Palace?

-We have no idea.

I'm afraid that's not the answer, so a bonus opportunity for you Celts.

-We think it might be the Louvre.

-I need to go to the Louvre!

That's exactly what it is. Why would it be the Louvre?

Dave thinks the most visited museums maybe in the world?

That's exactly what they are and the Louvre is the most popular.

-What are the others?

-The National Gallery, I think, is number one.

-It is.

-Number two, British Museum?

-Yeah.

-Mm-hm.

-What's the third? I don't know.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art. The world's most visited art museums,

-the most popular, the Louvre.

-OK, well done.

-Well done for the bonus and you choose your own question.

-Water.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

He's a cyclist.

-He won the Tour de France.

-Recently?

Well... Go for the next one.

Next, please.

Is it likely to be Lance Armstrong?

No, it'll be Bradley Wiggins. Go for Bradley Wiggins.

BELL

-Bradley Wiggins.

-In the quizzing world,

Bradley Wiggins is the new Red Rum. When in doubt, say his name.

You get three points. The answer is Bradley Wiggins. Why?

-Dave knows.

-Consecutive winners of the Tour de France.

That's right. Alberto Contador won it twice, but he won in 2009

and that's the sequence because Bradley Wiggins won it in 2012.

-OK, Cartophiles, back to you.

-Lion, please.

Lion. What is the fourth in this sequence? Here is the first.

-I definitely don't know what that is.

-No.

-Next.

Um...

-Any ideas?

-It looks a bit like The Gherkin, doesn't it?

Next.

That could be representing The Gherkin. What on earth is...?

-Do we need one more?

-You can't get one more. It's sequences.

-You do need one more, but... Ten seconds.

-Any idea?

-Shall I guess?

-WHISPERING

Three seconds.

An image of something with a spiky top like The Shard.

I'm afraid it is not an image

of something with a spiky top like The Shard.

-Another bonus chance for the Celts.

-Say a shape.

-A shape.

-A square.

-Yes, obviously, it's a shape.

-I need you to be more specific.

-A square.

-It is not a square.

It would be a red circle. Let's have a look at it.

Anyone?

Oh, is it...? Blimey, it's Teletubbies!

People at home will be shouting at the screen.

It's the Teletubbies - Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po.

It's the aerials of the Teletubbies.

We mix high and low culture, the classic and the new.

That was one of the new ones. No points there, but, Celts, you may choose a question.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-OK.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

It's got to be a word.

Next.

Receptacle...

Next.

-Any idea?

-Something about the words?

-It is something about the words.

-Ten seconds.

-No.

I don't know. Any ideas?

Three seconds now.

-Vogue.

-Sorry?

-Vogue.

-Why would it be Vogue?

-No idea.

I'm afraid it's not Vogue.

Cartophiles, do you want to have a go for a bonus?

We're going to have a guess at Stamen.

I'm afraid Stamen is not the answer,

but you were absolutely in the right area.

They are the central parts of a flower going upwards,

but it would be Stigma, which is the part that receives the pollen.

There's one question remaining which is for you, the Horned Viper.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Zero equals green...

Next.

WHISPERING

Green, red...

What could it be? I have no idea.

Shall we go "next"? Yeah? Next.

Is it a roulette wheel?

-0 is green, 1's red, 2's black, so 3 is red.

-3 is red?

Red again, yes. OK.

BELL

3 equals red.

That is the answer. Why is it the answer?

It's a roulette wheel.

Yes, as I know literally to my cost,

they are the colours of numbers on a roulette wheel.

0 is green, or 00 if you're foolish enough to play on an American wheel,

1 is red, 2 is black, 3 is red.

At the end of Round Two then:

Time for the Wall Game, a little reference for Old Etonians there.

They get so little after all.

Cartophiles, the Wall, of course, 16 clues all jumbled up need sorting into four connected groups of four.

It's your turn to go first now, so you have the choice - Lion or Water?

We'll go Lion, please.

Lion. OK, there is only one perfect solution to this Wall. I hope you find it.

You've got two and a half minutes to do that, starting...now.

OK, there's musical things - cadenza, coda, sting.

-Bridges.

-Bridge and cadenza. I'll try that.

-No. What else is musical?

-It's got to be music.

No, no, no.

You've got bits of a boat as well, haven't you? Bilge, hold, galley.

-Let's take the music ones off.

-Wardroom, passage.

Bilge, galley, wardroom, bridge.

-You've got "hold" as well.

-OK.

-There you go.

-That's a weapon.

-Excalibur's a weapon.

-That's a weapon.

OK. Sting is in Lord Of The Rings.

Is Hrunting a weapon?

It's three strikes and you're out now with the two groups. You've got plenty of time.

A movement is musical, cadenza...

-Coda.

-And bridge.

That leaves passage, half-pass, piaffe and flying change which are all ballet things.

That's way out of my comfort zone.

We've got parts of a ship, swords...

Parts of music and ballet. Shall we try that?

Yeah, let's go in case it's not right.

-Movement, coda...

-Bridge.

You've solved the Wall. Fantastic.

That's an immediate four points for solving it. There are bonus points for telling me the connections.

Let's start at the top - bilge, hold, galley, wardroom.

-Those are all parts of a ship.

-They're compartments on a ship.

Next one - Mjollnir, Sting, Hrunting, Excalibur.

Those are all the names of swords, weapons.

Any more about those weapons?

Sting is Bilbo's sword or possibly Frodo's in Lord Of The Rings.

-Apparently, it's used by both of them.

-Excalibur, we all know.

-King Arthur.

-King Arthur's sword, but not the Sword in the Stone.

He pulls one sword out of the stone, but that gets broken in battle.

This one is given to him by the Lady of the Lake, Excalibur.

-Mjollnir sounds...Norse mythology of some type.

-They're both...

-I'm guessing one of them is Beowulf's.

-Is it Thor's?

-Thor's hammer is Mjollnir.

And Beowulf's sword is Hrunting.

They're magical weapons or weapons in fables.

Very good. What about that next one? Cadenza, coda, bridge, movement.

Those are all parts of a piece of music.

Sections in music, absolutely right.

And the last one - half-pass, flying change, passage, piaffe.

-Those are all ballet...

-Manoeuvres?

-..movements.

-I love the way you're miming ballet movements!

I can't give you that one. You're very close, but it's not ballet.

It is dressage.

The horse thing. It's like ballet on horseback.

I can tell you about some of them.

A half-pass - "the horse bends slightly around the rider's inside leg

"with the forehand moving in advance of the hind quarters as the horse travels across the diagonal."

-Right.

-Not dressage people?

-No, not at all.

Not ballet people either!

I sat on a horse once. It was like trying to give a cat a bath!

-Sitting on a horse? That's not right.

-I'm terrified.

You solved the Wall, so four points, and three more bonus points for the connections. It's a total of seven.

Time to bring back the Celts and give them a Connecting Wall,

16 new clues still jumbled up, still looking for that perfect solution, four by four.

Celts, the Lion Wall has been chosen, so you've got Water.

Two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

-OK, so we've got mushrooms.

-Yes, I was thinking mushrooms.

-Oyster mushroom, portobello mushroom.

-Beefsteak.

-Is there a beefsteak mushroom?

-Yeah. Black trumpet.

-Shall we try that one?

-Portobello, black trumpet...

-Oyster.

-No.

-No, OK.

What else is there?

-Burton-Race is a cookery judge or something.

-Leith is cookery.

-Yeah.

-Sorry... Go on.

I know that there's places in... There's places in Edinburgh...

So they're either...

Portobello.

Is it Hollywood? It's not Hollywood, is it?

Joppa, Morningside, Hollywood, Portobello.

-No.

-OK.

The cooking ones, there's Leith, Burton-Race...

Gregg Wallace, Blewit...

-Hollywood is the chef.

-Paul Hollywood.

-Well done.

What have we got now? Do you think Joppa is in Edinburgh?

Joppa's definitely in Edinburgh, so is Morningside.

-Isn't Portobello?

-Yeah, those three and maybe Davidson's...

-Yeah, try it.

-Well done. Are they stations in Edinburgh?

-Maybe.

It's three strikes and you're out now.

We've got the mushrooms - oyster, beefsteak, black trumpet...

Blewit? Then you've got Home, Everything, Lost...

-That's a song by Michael Buble.

-Haven't Met You Yet, yeah.

-Are these all songs by Michael Buble?

-I don't know him at all.

-They're not likely to be common between mushrooms and Michael Buble.

-You've got a minute left.

-The mushrooms would be oyster, beefsteak...

-Go on, try it.

-Blewit?

-Yeah.

-And black trumpet?

-Yeah.

-Try it.

That's it, you've solved the Wall.

That's four points. You want bonus points now for the connections.

What about the first one? Wallace, Burton-Race, Hollywood, Leith.

-You seemed to know that.

-Yeah, judges on cookery competitions.

TV cookery judges. Can you tell me their first names?

-Gregg Wallace. Is it John Burton-Race?

-Yeah.

-He's got a Michelin star. Paul Hollywood.

-Prue Leith?

Prue Leith, yeah. Are you fans of those shows?

-No, but my wife's a massive fan. And Bev is.

-Yes.

I was thinking of bringing in a round where we tell the teams

there's a cookery round, they have to bring cakes.

We wouldn't broadcast it, but the teams wouldn't know that

and I'd get a lot of snacks.

-And we could curry favour.

-Yeah.

-Sounds like a winner.

-And the second group?

Portobello, Morningside, Joppa, Davidson's Mains.

Well, they're all in Edinburgh.

Are they Edinburgh stations?

-Scottish stations?

-I can take "places in Edinburgh".

Davidson's Mains was a village.

It's now a district in the north-west of Edinburgh.

What about this - oyster, black trumpet, beefsteak, blewit?

We believe that they're types of mushroom.

They are. I'll accept that.

Can you tell me something else they have in common?

They're edible.

They are edible fungi, although the blewit has to be cooked.

In its raw state, it is like me, mildly toxic.

All edible mushrooms. And what about the last group?

Home, Lost, Everything, Haven't Met You Yet.

We think that Haven't Met You Yet was the key that opened this one.

Michael Buble? We think they're songs by Michael Buble.

They are singles recorded by Michael Buble.

Not a fan?

I'm not, but it's Huw's type of music, so maybe he...

-Not a fan.

-I quite like Michael Buble. I've never been cool.

Anyway, pretty cool result for you because you solved the Wall.

You got all four connections, you get a bonus two points for that, so that is a maximum of ten points.

Let's see what the scores look like going into the final round.

If your fingers are itching for more Wall activity, go to our website

where you can play a selection of Walls. You can even make your own.

But what we'll be doing is playing the Missing Vowels Round

where we've taken well-known names, phrases or sayings, removed the vowels and re-spaced the consonants.

I'll be muttering those words on my death bed. I assume you know the rules.

Fingers on buzzers. They will come in connected groups of four and the first group are all...

-Celts?

-Macadamia.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-Filbert.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-Coco de Mer.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-Pumpernickel.

-That's not right. You lose a point.

Possible bonus, Celts...? No. It's pine kernel.

Next category:

-Cartophiles?

-My Fair Lady.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-Funny Face.

-Correct.

-Celts?

-Sabrina.

-Correct.

-Celts?

-Breakfast At Tiffany's.

-Yes.

Next category:

-Celts?

-Gamekeeper.

-Correct.

Don't know this one? It's negotiator. Next clue...

-Cartophiles?

-Auctioneer.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-Manicurist.

-Yes, it is.

Next category:

-Cartophiles?

-Hemlock.

-My favourite, correct.

Don't know this? It's mustard gas. Next clue...

-Celts?

-Agent Orange.

-Yes, it is.

-Celts?

-Carbon monoxide.

-Correct.

Next category:

-Cartophiles?

-Huguenots.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-Latter-Day Saints.

-Correct.

END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

It's the end of the quiz and what a phenomenal round! A great one for you, Josh, particularly.

You're a real missing vowels guy.

It has brought your score, Cartophiles, to an impressive 24,

but the winners with 28 points,

it's the Celts.

We will be seeing you again, Celts,

and by our inexplicable new rules, we'll see you again too.

Join us next week for two more teams who'll be taking no prisoners

and me who'll be giving no prizes. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd