Cartophiles v Fell Walkers Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect where the questions are harder than Mastermind and so are the chairs.

We like to make things uncomfortable at both ends.

Nevertheless, I'm joined by two teams who have been here before.

They've both won and lost a heat. Why are they still here?

I think the format's changed. Or maybe they can't find the exit.

I know I can't and God knows, I've tried!

Still, I seem to be saying "hello" again to, on my right,

Colin Kidd, an accountant and baseball enthusiast

who once pitched for the youth baseball team of England,

Mark Cooper, a Liverpool FC supporter and civil servant

with a passion for researching serial killers,

and their captain, Josh Mandel,

a fraud investigator with an interest in chicken husbandry and amateur operatics.

United by their passion for maps, they are the Cartophiles.

So, Josh, you lost to the Celts and beat the Corpuscles. What have you learned about playing the game?

I think my personal learning point is not to make up imaginary words in the Missing Vowels round.

Delighted to hear it.

You are meeting, on my left, Jim Taylor,

a Derby County supporter and amateur dramatist who works as a solutions engineer,

Craig Almond, an accomplished mandolin player

who once shared a pint with Jim Bowen,

and their captain, Mike Amberry,

a home brewer and keen baker with a passion for writing short stories.

United by their love of the great outdoors, they are the Fell Walkers.

Mike, you beat the General Practitioners, then lost to the Francophiles.

-How are you feeling about this game?

-We had a temporary setback in the last one.

It's like climbing a mountain. If you don't get to the summit one day, you can have another go.

We start with Round One, four apparently random clues, what's the connection between them?

-Cartophiles, you won the toss. You go first. Which question would you like?

-Two Reeds, please, Victoria.

Behind the Two Reeds lurk four clues. What connects them? Here's the first.

WHISPERING

Next, please.

Baron of Dorking...

-Who's the Baron of Dorking?

-This is your area.

-I can't remember.

-Shall we go "next"?

-Yeah.

-Next.

WHISPERING

Any thoughts at all?

Next.

Midgets?

Three seconds.

BELL

They were all unusually short?

I like the way that one of your team said "midgets"

and you quite correctly sought a nicer way of expressing that,

but no, we have not put together a question in which everybody in it is unusually short.

Fell Walkers, there's a chance of a bonus.

Are they all called Baker?

I'm going to accept your answer. They are all called Baker.

More even than that, they're all called Kenneth Baker.

But they're all called Baker. That's a valid connection.

They are the former President of ArmsTech,

something from a computer game, a PlayStation game.

-Don't remember Kenneth Baker, the Tory MP?

-Yeah.

There was someone with the same name in Ted Heath's Orchestra

and Kenny Baker hid inside the R2-D2 costume.

So you get the bonus and the chance to choose a question.

-We'd like Twisted Flax, please.

-What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

WHISPERING

These are things that Godzilla battles?

-That's Mothra.

-Next, please.

That's the Old Lady of Turin.

-OK.

-That's a name for Juventus, the Old Lady.

-OK, that may be a connection.

-Next, please.

Old Lady. Do you want to just go for it?

-Shall we have a go with that?

-Go on.

-BELL

-Old Lady.

That is the connection. You didn't need to see the Bank of England,

the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street,

but you recognised La Vecchia Signora, Juventus FC.

What about the wife of a motorbike gang member?

Is it just colloquially referred to as "an old lady"?

That's right, an old lady.

-Do you know what a "mama" is in a motorbike gang?

-No.

-Chief old lady?

-It's a woman who is sexually available

to all members of the bike gang. That takes me back(!)

Well done for those points.

-Back to the Cartophiles to pick a question.

-Horned Viper, please.

These will be picture clues. What connects them? Here's the first.

George Washington?

Some kind of sailor?

-Next.

-Next.

What's it known as? Hydrochloric acid, there's another name for it.

-It's got a name, hasn't it? Go "next".

-Next.

-The Spirit of Ecstasy.

-The drug, spirit.

-So it's "the spirit of..."

-The spirit of something.

-Yeah.

-BELL

It's "the spirit of" something.

Absolutely. That first picture, the painting Spirit Of '76.

Hydrochloric acid is known as what?

-Spirit of something.

-Salt.

Spirit of salt and you recognised the Spirit of Ecstasy from the car.

-What about that last picture?

-Spirit of St Louis.

-Exactly so. Well done.

-Back to the Fell Walkers to pick a question.

-Lion, please.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Some sort of film or piece of music?

Next, please.

Speed, is that Concorde?

Transfer...

Across the Atlantic.

Next, please.

First trip to the moon?

-Is this the guy that dropped out of the...?

-Could be.

-Next, please.

-Yeah, could be.

-Yeah.

-What's that?

-The guy that fell from space...

-Three seconds.

-BELL

-Go on.

It's the longest freefall to Earth, the guy that went up in a balloon

and jumped from outside the Earth's atmosphere

and other facts related to that.

Here's the thing, Fell Walkers. I've been quite lenient once

in taking Baker when I wanted Kenneth Baker.

-I'd like to hear something more specific.

-Felix Baumgartner.

That is it, Felix Baumgartner, the record-breaking skydiver.

These are the statistics from his fall. Very well done.

-Back to you then, Cartophiles. What would you like?

-Water, please.

Music. It's the happy tinkle of a music question.

Right, what is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

LIVELY CLASSICAL PIECE

Next.

CLASSICAL MUSIC

Next.

# If per chance I'm saying farewell to France

# And romance

# Drops in from the blue... #

Next.

# Goodbye, au revoir... #

They're all saying "goodbye"?

-Three seconds.

-BELL

We think they're all saying "goodbye".

I'm afraid they are not all saying "goodbye".

-It's hello to the Fell Walkers for a possible bonus.

-Rivers?

No, but it is a bit geographical. Rome is the connection.

We heard Pines Of Rome, The Roman Carnival,

When In Rome by Tony Bennett and the last one was Arrivederci Roma.

Fell Walkers, there's a remaining question, the Eye of Horus, your first clue coming up now.

Did they have a collective name?

-I don't know.

-Next, please.

Oh, they're given names in alphabetical order.

Maybe. Shall we go "next"?

Do you want to? Are you quite sure?

-That's what I know about tropical storms.

-Next, please.

-Yes, they're alphabetically ordered.

-BELL

Names in alphabetical order.

They are things with names or titles labelled in "A, B, C" order.

Very well done. Orphans in Oliver Twist... He was called Twist

-because the person before him was called...?

-I've never read the book.

Swabble was the orphan before him. Which is your favourite?

My favourite orphan?

-LAUGHTER

-I loved Swabble myself(!)

My favourite is probably either Bleak House or David Copperfield.

Really? Oh, they're the long ones. You wouldn't like those, Craig.

I finished Great Expectations and I read David Copperfield next

-and I thought, "Life's too short."

-Are you Dickens fans?

-I'm a big fan.

I couldn't disagree more with Craig.

Let's not fight. It's not worth it, everyone. Calm down!

At the end of Round One, the Cartophiles have got 2 points,

the Fell Walkers have 6.

Round Two is the Sequences Round. After Swabble comes Twist, after what comes what?

Cartophiles, you're going first again. Which question?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-You'll see the first in a sequence. What's fourth? Time starts now.

-Shall we go "next"?

-Next.

Middle...

Lower middle, working...?

Do you want to gamble?

-It's A, B, C. It's the social...

-It's too vague.

Shall we go "next" or shall we go for it?

Next.

-C1...

-So is it D?

-No, it's going to be C2 surely.

Three seconds.

BELL

C2... Upper working?

I'll take it. I'd have wanted to hear "skilled working".

But that's right. D would be "working working".

C2, this is... Do you know?

It's the social classifications in market research.

Done by the National Readership Survey, that's exactly right,

so for marketing purposes and so on.

"C2: skilled working" is the answer.

-Fell Walkers, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Tommy Gunn...

Is that the protagonist in V For Vendetta?

-Maybe.

-Next, please.

-Oh, no.

-No, it's the Rocky films.

Ivan Drago is the Russian that he fought in Rocky IV.

-So we go for the second one.

-Yeah, it's II.

I don't know what the person he fought was called.

-No, me neither.

-Shall we go for the next one?

-Next, please.

III is Clubber Lang...

Three seconds.

-BELL

-Yes?

-III... II: John Smith.

-LAUGHTER

John Smith? Can you imagine? No, that's not the answer.

-Cartophiles, go for a bonus?

-We think it's "II: Apollo Creed".

Apollo Creed. "You tell that old fool Apollo Creed..."

He's in both films. "Ain't gonna be no rematch."

That was an impression of Apollo Creed and Rocky Balboa. Magnificent!

It's just me, isn't it? OK.

-Well done for the bonus point, Cartophiles, and you get to choose a question.

-Horned Viper, please.

These are picture clues. What would you expect to see in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

-Any idea who that is?

-He's a drummer.

-A drummer, yes.

Next.

-What is that?

-Fruit.

Fruit salad. Fruit...

-Shall we go "next"?

-Yeah.

-Next.

That's marigolds.

-Fruit, glove...

-Hold on.

Marigolds... We can't go "next", can we?

Drumsticks...

-Something to do with chickens?

-Three seconds.

BELL

-Blackjack.

-Blackjack.

Not the answer. A possible bonus to the Fell Walkers.

A butcher?

Interesting. OK...

The first picture is Pete Best.

The second picture, although it contains apples and bananas,

it also has pineapples - exotic fruit. Then the marigold gloves.

So, Best Exotic Marigold...

-Hotel.

-We want to see a hotel. We've gone with the Ritz Hotel.

Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

-No points. Fell Walkers, you may choose a question.

-Two Reeds.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Something to do with battles?

WHISPERING

Next, please.

Are they divisions of... Is it Washington?

Maybe.

-But there's an order thing as well.

-Next.

Oh, um...

Stations? Is it Grand Central?

No idea.

It's parks or stations in...

-Let's try it.

-BELL

-Grand Central.

-Not the answer, I'm afraid.

-A bonus chance for the Cartophiles now.

-5th?

It is 5th. You seem uncertain. What is the connection?

They're New York Avenues going east to west.

That's absolutely right. After Madison comes 5th.

-Well done. That's a bonus point and your own question if you'd like to choose it.

-Lion, please.

What is the fourth in a sequence? Here's the first.

It's a year.

There were wars, there were kings.

Next.

-Marriage of the monarch?

-No.

It's not the Great Reform... No.

1835...

WHISPERING

-Shall we go "next"?

-Yeah.

-Next.

1910 was a coronation.

Years of two elections, two general elections?

-So when was the next one?

-1974.

-Yeah?

BELL

-1974?

-What are you thinking the connection is?

Two general elections in the same year?

That does not apply to all the other clues. Not the answer, I'm afraid.

-Possible bonus to the Fell Walkers.

-1986.

It is 1986. Why is that?

-Halley's Comet?

-Quite right. They are return dates

of what we're supposed to call "Hawley's" Comet.

Most people say "Haley's" because of the band

and I was told at school "Hawley" was the name of Edmond, the chap who tracked it. Well done.

That leaves one remaining question and that's for you, Fell Walkers.

The Eye of Horus, what is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-That's the advert, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Next, please.

Election manifesto, the Conservative manifesto.

OK, next?

Next.

Squeezed middle... Is it catchphrases at the Tory conference?

Wasn't it like "the Nasty Party"?

-Yeah.

-We'll go with that?

-Yeah.

-BELL

-Nasty Party.

-I can see why you'd say that.

It's not the answer. Possible bonus for the Cartophiles.

Hard-working families.

You both think this is to do with political conferences, don't you?

-Along those lines.

-It's the kind of thing they might have talked about.

It is to do with catchphrases,

but these are designated by Oxford Dictionaries UK

as Words or Phrases of the Year.

The next after "squeezed middle"?

-Omnishambles.

-Omnishambles is the answer.

2009 to 2012 Words of the Year and it was "omnishambles".

At the end of Round Two then,

the Cartophiles are up to 6 points,

but the Fell Walkers are ahead with 7.

Time for the Connecting Wall, 16 jumbled-up clues,

points available for sorting them into connected groups of four.

-Fell Walkers, it's your turn to go first. Would you like Lion or Water?

-Lion, please.

OK, you've got two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall, starting now.

Stations? London stations, underground?

Waterloo, Kensington, Queen's Park, Kennington...

We've got springs, Colorado Springs.

-Alice Springs?

-Alice Springs, yeah.

Wuthering Heights is a novel, so...

We've also got American rivers - Colorado, Mississippi, Missouri.

Arkansas, is that a river or is that just a state?

OK, um...

-Lucille and Helena, women's names?

-And Beatrice and Victoria?

-Yeah.

-There's got to be something more to it than that though.

-OK...

-No.

OK, um...

Which other stations have we got?

Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi...

-We've tried those.

-Yeah.

Arkansas is so different to how it's spelt.

Lucille Potter, Beatrix Potter?

That's Beatrix, not Beatrice.

You're about halfway through the time.

-Is Beatrice a river as well?

-I don't know.

-Adelaide...

-Places?

Right, um...

-OK, keep going.

-Kennington, is that an underground station or something?

OK, um...

I bet there are other springs on there as well.

Right, um...

So, Green Park...

-Kennington Park.

-Kensington Park.

We've done that hundreds of times, haven't we?

OK...

30 seconds.

Adelaide, Arkansas, Mississippi.

-Green's a river, isn't it?

-OK, Green, Colorado, Missouri.

Keep thinking, chaps.

-Queen's Park.

-Oh, um...

Ten seconds now.

Arkansas...

No.

That's it, time's up. You've found a group, so that's a point.

I'll give you another point if you can tell me what connects Alice, Helena, Beatrice, Victoria.

-Are they daughters of Queen Victoria?

-Yes, absolutely right.

Helena isn't generally a princess's name, but that particular princess.

You can get more points for the connections of groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the Wall.

-The next group - Kennington, Queen's Park, Adelaide, Kensington.

-Ovals.

They're Oval cricket grounds. You suddenly spot it, now it's resolved.

What about Waterloo, Mississippi, Wuthering Heights, Lucille?

WHISPERING

You're not seeing it? They are 1970s pop hits.

They were No.1 singles in the '70s.

And the last one - Colorado, Missouri, Green, Arkansas?

-US rivers.

-They're American rivers. A point for the group you found,

three for the connections. That's a total of four.

Time to bring back the Cartophiles and give them a Connecting Wall

with 16 different clues on it they must solve in the same way.

Cartophiles, the Lion Wall has been chosen, as it so often is first, leaving Water for you.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

-Right, aubergine, courgette, pumpkin, marrow?

-Go for it.

-We've also got...

-What else?

-Rappers.

We've got gourd, pumpkin, marrow, courgette.

We've got rappers' surnames that Marrow is in.

-OK.

-Broadus, Marrow, Mathers and...

-Combs?

-Combs.

-Or Wallace.

-OK.

I think leave Marrow out.

-I've done that already.

-What else have we got then?

Love, we've got...

-Love could be in that category as well.

-OK.

-In, like, rappers?

-Yeah.

-What else have we got? Pumpkin, courgette...

-Keep looking.

Try...

-Let's try aubergine, courgette...

-Pumpkin.

No, I've tried that already.

Marrow, aubergine...

Leave out... Leave out marrow.

-I wonder if kabocha or something is a vegetable?

-Yeah, it might be.

What else have we got here? Have we got odes?

-Ode to love...

-No.

-There's no ode to trousers, I don't think, is there(?)

No. Let's take a step back.

What else have we got?

-This has got to be some sort of combination.

-Mathers.

Mathers... We've tried all these. Is there another rapper?

-Do we know what moues is?

-It could be a vegetable.

-I...

-I'm really stuck.

Courtney Love.

No, I've tried all of those.

-Try these...

-Which other one?

-We've tried Broadus, haven't we?

-Yeah.

-So what could trousers be?

-Trousers...

Let's try something new. How about trousers, moues, lorry...?

-Kabocha.

-What are words we don't know?

-Kabocha, moues...

-30 seconds.

Gourd.

I don't know.

And...art.

-Trousers, lorry.

-Why?

-Because they don't have any other category.

OK, let's keep going with the vegetables.

-We've definitely got vegetables and rappers.

-Ten seconds.

And we've got...

-Rappers.

-Mathers, Broadus...

Your time is up. The Wall's frozen, but you found a group, so that's a point for you.

What about the connection - kabocha, courgette, pumpkin, gourd?

Well, they're all vegetables

and specifically, they're all a certain type of vegetable.

-They're grown above the ground.

-Can you do another word for that?

-I can't think of a word.

-Gourds, um... Yeah, squash.

Squash is the word I particularly wanted to hear.

I'd have taken your ramblings around gourd,

but they are members of the squash family of vegetables.

You also get points for connections in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the Wall.

What about this one - aubergine, autumn, trousers, lorry?

I can't give you a long time.

They're all words that have come into English from French?

Oh, no. Trousers...

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-Trousers, le "trow-zer".

No, although it is about the words and about international boundaries.

They are words that are called something different in America.

Aubergine is eggplant, autumn the fall, trousers are pants and a lorry is a truck.

What about the red-pink group here?

They're all real surnames of rappers.

They are the real names of rappers - Tracy Marrow,

Sean Combs, Calvin Broadus and Christopher Wallace.

And the last group - love, mathers, art, moues?

Any ideas?

-No idea at all.

-They could all be Courtneys?

-Courtneys?

-As in Courtney Love.

-They could be, but they're not.

I'm tempted to step away, so that you don't throw anything at me.

They are anagrams of rodents.

-Mouse, rat, vole...

-Vole, hamster, rat and mouse, anagrams of rodents.

I don't blame you for not seeing that.

One point for the group that you found and two for the connections, a total of three.

Let's see the scores going into the final round.

If you know your hamster from your "mathers", go to our website

and play a Connecting Wall or indeed write your own.

We'll decide the place in the semi-final, teams, by missing vowel.

So, fingers on buzzers.

The first group are all...

-Walkers?

-Wink Murder.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

-Correct.

Don't know this one. It's Are You There, Moriarty? Next clue...

-Cartophiles?

-Charades.

-Correct. Next category...

-Cartophiles?

-American Thanksgiving.

-Correct.

-Cartophiles?

-UK General Elections.

-Correct.

-Well done.

-Walkers?

-Distribution of Maundy money.

-Correct.

Surely you remember this - release of A-level results.

Next category...

-Cartophiles?

-Swimming pool.

-Correct.

-Walkers?

-Ferris wheel.

-Correct.

-Walkers?

-Er...

You lose a point. I throw it to the Cartophiles for a bonus.

-Iceberg submarine.

-That is the answer. Next clue...

END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

The last one was, discreetly enough, under a parachute.

At the end of Round Four then,

the Fell Walkers have got 13 points,

but with 15 points, going through to the semi-final,

-it's the Cartophiles.

-Well done, fellas.

-Well done to you.

You are through. Even better done to you because you get to go home!

You've been a fantastic team. Thank you very much for coming.

Thank you for watching. Join me next time for another fast and furious episode of Only Connect.

One team will be fast, the others will be furious about it.

Never say I don't give you a proper joke. Goodbye.

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