Oenophiles v Board Gamers Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect - the semifinals!

Our two teams tonight have been waiting for this moment for weeks -

or, if you're watching successive repeats on iPlayer,

minutes.

It's not just their brains but their bodies that are ready

in preparation for this - loins have been girded,

nerves steeled, and appendixes read, re-read and cross-referenced.

After this, we'll know who is in the final - at which point,

hearts will be gladdened, spleens vented, and no doubt

livers battered.

But right now, everyone is in a very sober frame of mind.

I say everyone - I mean, everyone else.

So, let's say hello to,

on my right, Didier Bruyere, a senior scientist

and William Boyd fan, who won

a Lyon poetry competition in his youth.

Scott Dawson -

a data processor and sudoku enthusiast

with a talent for making Staffordshire oatcakes.

And their captain, Jamie Dodding -

an economics and politics graduate, who could name

every single world capital by the age of five.

United by a craving for Cabernet, they are the Oenophiles.

You haven't dropped a game yet - what's the secret of your success?

I think we've been pretty lucky. We've been doing

things like buzzing in at the wrong time

and managing to scrape the answer, etc, so I think

-we're riding our luck, and we'll hopefully continue.

-Tonight,

you are destined to meet, on my left,

Hywel Carver, an engineering graduate who is working

to improve access to the internet for blind people,

Michael Wallace, a statistics blogger and double bassist

who's learning to play the guitar, and their captain,

Jamie Karran, a fan fiction writer

with a degree in the history of medicine

and a passion for Japanese cartoons.

United by an appetite for Operation,

they are the Board Gamers.

Jamie, you've taken a scenic route.

You beat the Globetrotters, lost to the Lasletts

and then beat the Science Editors to get to the semifinal.

Which game did you enjoy most?

Probably the one against the Science Editors, because we were the most

nervous going into that game, but we still managed to scrape a victory.

Or, well, win.

We're going to start with Round One.

That's where I want to know simply what's

the connection between four apparently random clues.

Board Gamers, you won the toss,

but you decided to put the Oenophiles in first.

So, Oenophiles, you're choosing first.

What do you think the first question of the semifinal should be?

French translation would be quite nice, I think.

OK, I happen to know that one of them is that.

You've just got to guess which.

-Right. I'll guess it's "Lyon", Lion.

-Right first time.

OK. The "Lyon", or Lion, question.

Oh, no, my mistake. It's Music.

So, what is the connection between these clues.

Here's the first.

# Hey, kids, let me tell you

# How I met your mum

# We were dancing and romancing... #

Next, please.

MUSIC: "Canon In D Major" by Pachelbel

It's Handel, no?

MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH

-Next.

-Yeah.

Next, please.

# I was minding my business

# I was lifting some lead off

# The roof of the Holy Name church

# It was worthwhile living a laughable life

# Just to set my eyes on the blistering sight... #

Three seconds.

BELL

Do they all mention football managers?

Not it, I'm afraid. So we give a blast of the final clue

to the Board Gamers.

MUSIC: "Zadok The Priest" by Handel

That's probably enough.

So, we think these are all ranks in the clergy.

We've got Zadok The Priest,

-Pachelbel's Canon and two others.

-Two other things we don't know.

Yes, Handel's Zadok The Priest,

Pachelbel's Canon In D Major,

and two more. Which one did you

think was about football managers?

We thought the third one might be

Frankly Mr Shankly by The Smiths.

It was actually a very good guess.

It is The Smiths, but it's Vicar In A Tutu.

And the first one, The Dean And I by 10cc.

Well done for the bonus point.

And your turn to choose a question.

Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next.

Maybe that's when it was Hollywoodland.

The sign said Hollywoodland, maybe.

-I think next.

-I think next.

Next.

Plot to assassinate De Gaulle?

That must have had a nickname, but I don't know what it is.

-I think next, as well.

-Next.

I think those are triffids.

-Are they all books by John Wyndham?

-Yeah, OK.

I think they're "Day Of..." things.

Oh, yeah, Day Of The Jackal,

-Day Of The Triffids.

-Three seconds.

Right, OK. Last-minute idea. Are they all "Day Of The" something?

Carnivorous walking plants, Day Of The Triffids by John Wyndham.

Plot to assassinate DeGaulle

we think is Day Of The Jackal, maybe.

Hollywood in the Depression...

Nathanael West's Day Of The Locust.

But the first clue's wrong, sorry.

No, I'm joking.

They are all "Day Of The" something.

The Laytons in India, 1942.

It's the Day Of The Scorpion from the Raj Quartet.

But they are all "The Day Of The" something.

Very well done.

Oenophiles, your turn for a question.

Two Reeds, please.

These are going to be pictures.

What do they have in common?

Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER INAUDIBLY

Next, please.

Romania in a green shirt.

Is it football-related?

Football-related...

Next? Next, please.

Black shirts?

Yeah, it's movements, isn't it?

Blue shirts?

But what's the link?

-They're all.... Blue shirts...

-OK.

BELL

Are they all political movements named after shirts?

So, Blueshirts, Greenshirts,

Blackshirts in Italy.

So they're all...?

Fascist movements?

That's it. They're all fascist

political movements in those countries.

Well done, that's two points to you.

Board Gamers, it's your turn.

-Twisted Flax.

-All right.

What do the four clues of the Twisted Flax have in common?

Here's the first.

They're all flu types.

H1N1 is bird flu.

Could it be birds?

Could be birds, could be flu.

I think they're all strains of flu.

No, no. I think we need more.

Birds or flu?

Really? But no, H1N1 is going to be specific to a virus.

It's not going to be a type of bird.

It's definitely bird flu.

It could be birds, not flu.

OK, next.

Leeloo, The Fifth Element.

Isn't it a Terry Pratchett...?

No, that's in...

Three seconds.

BELL

They've all been recreated from a small amount of them

that was found. So, Leeloo in The Fifth Element is found as just

a hand, and she is remade into a whole person.

H1N1 is a flu. Well, it's a virus.

So, I think that's recreated

from a small amount of it.

I can't take it.

That is an ingenious guess, but it's not one that I can accept.

So, I'm going to show the next two clues to the

Oenophiles for a possible bonus point.

LSD, Frankenstein's monster...

I can't let you have a long chat.

Do you have an answer?

Tested by using...

Created by doctors?

No, that's far too long.

They've all been created by doctors.

Well, that's not it.

No. They are all things that have

escaped from a laboratory

or can be said to have done.

H1N1, not bird flu, but swine flu.

The character played by Milla Jovovich

escaped from a lab, as did LSD,

and Frankenstein's monster,

of course, also made his escape

from a laboratory.

Oenophiles, it's your turn

to make the last choice of the round.

Can we have Water, please?

You certainly may.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Lateral thinking?

Lateral thinking?

Next, please.

Is it a cap? Different caps?

Do you have a black cap?

Yeah, yeah.

BELL

Is the connection caps?

I am going to give you one more go.

Coloured caps.

I can't give it to you, so I'll show the next two clues to

the Board Gamers for a possible bonus point.

-They're blue?

-Yeah.

They all have blue hats.

It is blue hats.

The thing about De Bono, of course,

there are the six thinking hats.

Specifically the thinking manager

would be in the blue one.

Unlucky, Oenophiles.

You get the bonus point, Board Gamers,

and you get the last question. No choice.

It's got to be the Horned Viper.

What do these clues have in common?

Here's the first.

That the flower arranging.

I know that's hanami.

That might be fireworks.

Next.

Lester Burnham dreams.

Is it a poem? I don't know.

Next? Next.

Beauty And The Beast.

THEY WHISPER INAUDIBLY

What changes him?

A rose. Flowers, rose, in a jar.

Shall we say flowers?

Shall we do next?

Next.

So that's poppies...

Three seconds.

BELL

OK. Flowers is the connection.

Tell me something else.

Is Lester Burnham in American Beauty?

-He is.

-Covered in rose petals.

That's it. I'm going to take red flowers.

Or petals, actually. Falling petals.

But the Japanese tradition of hanami, I think

you got confused about flower arranging.

This is a festival at the beginning

of April to do with

cherry blossoms and rose petals.

Lester Burnham in American Beauty

dreams about the falling rose petals.

Beauty And The Beast, of course, about the red roses.

And poppies in the Festival of Remembrance. So, red flowers.

I will take flowers or petals. Well done.

At the end of Round One, then,

the Oenophiles have got two points, the Board Gamers have four.

Round Two is about sequences.

The teams may see a maximum of three clues before telling me,

I hope, what comes fourth.

Oenophiles, you'll be going first again.

Which question would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax.

What would the fourth clue be

in this sequence? Here's the first.

Something about genetics?

Next, please.

It's not a song title of any sort, is it?

Tricks or something?

-Say next.

-Next, please.

-Parrots.

-Monty Python.

-Parrots.

The Norwegian parrot sketch.

Shuffled off this mortal coil?

-Yes.

-Is it?

BUZZ

Is it shuffled off this mortal coil?

I'm afraid it's not. A bonus chance for the Board Gamers.

-We think it's ex.

-Ex-parrot.

Well, ex. It's the Monty Python dead parrot sketch.

It is, but that's not it.

It is the next line in the Monty Python dead parrot sketch,

but it would be, "Expired and gone to meet its maker."

-Tough.

-So, no points there.

Board Gamers, your turn to choose.

-The Horned Viper, please.

-OK.

What's the fourth in this snaky sequence?

Here's the first.

We have to go with next. Next.

Four cards equals settlement?

Is that not Settlers of Catan?

Yeah, it does. Three cards is something else.

What's two cards?

A road.

-Really? Are we really...?

-Yes.

-Is five a city?

-Yes, five is a city.

Three or two wheat. I promise you.

-It's two cards - road.

-OK.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

OK. We'll have to...

THEY WHISPER INAUDIBLY

BELL

OK, well, we think this is a board game one.

I'll throw it over to Mr Carver.

It's 2 cards: Road.

-The answer is 2 cards: Road.

-Nice!

This is very nice for you!

You've managed to get a games question.

Which game is it about?

-Settlers of Catan.

-Of course it is!

Your favourite, the Settlers of Catan. That's it.

And going down from five cards to two in the sequence,

for two cards, you can build a road.

Well done.

Oenophiles, let's hope the next one's a wine question.

If I wrote them, they all would be. So, you never know.

-We'll go for Two Reeds, then.

-Two Reeds.

These are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the last picture? Here's the first.

A keyboard.

Is it a Commodore keyboard?

Could be.

OK, next.

Next, please.

-What would be next?

-I'm not sure.

The Devil Wears Prada. Next, please.

A tape deck.

A cassette?

Keyboard.

-Looks like a hard disk, or a cassette.

-Three seconds.

BELL

We'll go for a hard drive.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, a possible bonus point for the Board Gamers.

Hmm. We think the last one will be

something which connotates eight.

So a spider with eight legs.

You are not correct, but why do you think that?

Cos we think that's a Commodore 64,

then that is a 32-year-old woman,

a 16-bit game and then a spider.

Oh, I see. I like your thinking.

Where you went wrong is in that horrible second clue. It's so nasty.

It denotes the film 27 Dresses.

So, it's 64, 27.

-Then you've got an eight track cassette.

-Oh, man!

So, 64, 27, 8 is cubed numbers.

Four cubed, three cubed,

two cubed and, of course

one cubed would be one.

We've got a picture of The One Show.

Board Gamers, see if you can find something as horrible in there.

-Yes, Lion.

-Lion. OK.

What's the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER INAUDIBLY

We need time to think. Next.

Have we got to go next, to give us time to think?

Next.

25 to 10?

HE WHISPERS INAUDIBLY

The number of... The way they're written,

it's got to be clocks or the number of arrows,

the number of things that are...

-It's the number of things...

-Three seconds.

BELL

-You have to answer this.

-I think it's 8, then a right arrow, then 7.

That is the right answer.

Why is it 8 arrow 7?

Unless it's a massive coincidence, I think

it's the number of lines that make up the numbers,

so there are seven of those lines to make up 8

and then eight lines in 10 and ten lines in 25.

That's it, it's segments, is what you would say.

Well done, you worked that out, really, with one second to go.

Very well done.

Back to you, Oenophiles, to pick a question.

-Water, please.

-Water, OK.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here is the first.

-Any idea what that is?

-No.

Next, please.

Oh, God. What do you think?

-Harry Potterish. Don't really know.

-No, no idea.

It's not, erm...

What do you call it, quidditch?

The first one's not "sorting hat".

Next, please.

Is this the name of each of the films?

So Severus Snape was the Half-Blood Prince,

what was the last film called?

Three seconds.

BELL

Um, something that represents The Deathly Hallows.

Which would be what?

Some sort of object that has magical connotations?

-Not the answer, I'm afraid, so Board Gamers, do you know it?

-Yes.

A wand, an invisibility cloak and a ring

are the three Deathly Hallows.

That is it, a wand, a cloak and a ring,

or a stone that's found in a ring.

What can I do? It's for a place in the final.

It's a double thing you need to know.

It's not just items in the title of Harry Potter books or films.

Also, what are they? Who is the Half-Blood Prince? Severus Snape.

What are the Deathly Hallows?

An invisibility cloak, a wand and a stone set in a ring.

Good knowledge, Board Gamers.

You also get to have the final question of the round,

which is the Eye of Horus.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

Next.

-Could it just be income?

-Income?

What have we got? We've got VAT, income...

That's mostly likely.

It's the things that are going to be taxed.

"Profits from trade or profession" is income, so it's got to be VAT, right?

No, no, cos it's things...

Three seconds.

-BELL

-It's not profits.

-Er, income.

-Have another go.

-Salary, pay...

-Money for work done.

I can take "salaries", because it's all income.

-Do you know what the connection is?

-They are tax and a letter.

Tax schedules.

Taxing on certain sorts of income and E would be "salaries",

that specific part of income.

Well done.

So, at the end of Round Two, the Oenophiles have been a bit unlucky.

They've got two points. The Board Gamers are ahead with 12.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "This show's too easy."

Don't worry, it's about to get harder.

16 clues this time - it's the Connecting Wall.

Your turn to go first now, Board Gamers,

and you've got a choice, Lion or Water?

OK, I think as a big cat lover, I have to go for Lion.

You do usually choose the Lion. That again.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it,

starting now.

Is Libertador type of a matador-type thing? No, no.

Ig Nobel's a prize, the Darwin Prize, these are bad awards.

Golden Raspberry's a bad award.

So it's got to be those four plus something else, I think.

Turnip?!

No, no, Golden Raspberry and Darwin, Ig Nobel,

those three plus something else. We'll look for something else.

Turnip sounds like a thing you'd get for bad.

No, no, we know these three are bad awards.

-Pigasus is one letter off Pegasus, isn't it?

-Yep.

-El Cid?

-El Salvador.

-Yep, keep going, keep going.

El Greco is a painter.

El Cordobes, maybe?

You haven't got Golden Raspberry in there.

Oh, sorry.

Shall we try the "els"?

OK, El Cid, El Greco, El Salvador.

And then El Libertador? Nope.

-Sorry, you're the presser.

-Goose Green.

Quick, quick, quick, press these groups.

El Salvador and then something else.

Goose Green.

-What about ports?

-Darwin, Stanley was an explorer,

Darwin was an explorer, El Cid was an explorer - possibly.

It could be cities in Australia.

We've got Port Douglas and Port Stanley...

-Port Stella? Port Libertador?

-Darwin is a port, probably.

-Have we really tried all of the bad awards?

-Yes.

I'm pretty confident it's going to be... Er, it's going to be...

No, I think it's going to be Turnip.

-Estella... Stella is a drink.

-Pigasus! Right.

-El Salvador, El Greco...

-I've done that.

Have you mashed up everything for that?

No, I haven't, but we've not got much time.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

30 seconds.

I think if we see any groups with Stanley

and Darwin, we should go for explorers.

Those are all names, Orlando also sounds like a name, Stella...

So what's our fourth group?

Cos we've got two more groups.

Goose Green sounds like a place

but Grinling sounds like

a monster or something.

Goose Green is another word

-for something.

-Bad, it's going bad.

And that's it, your time is up.

So, you found a group, that's a point, what about the connection?

Turnip, Golden Raspberry, Pigasus, Ig Nobel, or Ignoble.

-They're all negative awards.

-Or alternative awards.

Yes, they're sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek prizes.

Ig Nobel's not so bad, it's for slightly daft research.

-Noodle floppiness and things.

-That sort of thing.

But you can get extra points for connections

in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

-No, no, places in Australia, I think.

-OK.

No, ports.

Don't worry, they're neither - they're settlements

-in the Falkland Islands.

-Brilliant(!)

-That's what they are.

-Going to go ports again?

-No, I think we should go with explorers,

because we think the next one is El.

-Explorers?

-Don't worry, they're neither.

It's people with the surname Gibbons.

And what about this last group - Libertador, Cordobes, Greco, Cid.

Merely based on El Greco and El Cid,

we think those are "El" people.

That is right, people with the

nickname "El" known to the English.

So one point you get for the group you found and two for the

connections, a total of three - not bad at this stage of the game.

Time to bring back the Oenophiles now,

see if we can find equally horrible clues for them.

16 new ones still need sorting into four groups of four.

OK, winos, the other team took the Lion wall,

so you've got Water, your favourite.

Two and a half minutes to solve it, starting...now.

Wolfenden Report...

THEY MURMUR

Do we know who Stroupach is?

Could it be people working...? Nanny, footman, butler...

O'Hara...

Stroupach, isn't it?

-Do you want to go for...? I'll put some in and you keep looking.

-OK.

INCORRECT BUZZER

Another one, char...

OK, let's just get another one out the way, then. Cuppa, char, brew...

-Maybe Rosie?

-Yeah - no.

INCORRECT BUZZER

Wolfenden Report, Butler Report...

-Hutton Report.

-What?

-Hutton Report.

And Taylor Report. INCORRECT BUZZER

Let's go for them again,

Franks Report. INCORRECT BUZZER

Wolfenden Report's got to be one. Franks Report has got to be one.

-Hutton...

-There was a Taylor Report.

That's one done, right.

So we've got these brews again. A cup of Rosie, a cuppa, a brew, a char.

INCORRECT BUZZER

Sorry, you keep going, guys.

-Cuppa, char, brew...

-General Butler.

INCORRECT BUZZER

Is Footman a butterfly or something?

No, a footman, a valet, a butler.

Butler Report, we could lose that one, possibly. What's a Stroupach?

We've had that a couple of times. A char is...

-Char lady.

-Char lady.

Nanny, butler, char...

INCORRECT BUZZER

Ten seconds.

Oh, Wilkes! Gone With The Wind,

O'Hara, Hamilton, Butler...

That's it, you're out of time.

But you found a group, I'll give you another point

if you can tell me what connects Franks, Hutton, Wolfenden, Taylor.

-They're all reports.

-They are all UK government reports.

And more points available for the connections

in the groups you didn't find.

Let's resolve the wall.

All characters from Gone With The Wind.

They are, you spotted that too late,

the nightmare is Butler just skittering about between the groups.

All servant-type roles.

That's it, they're domestic servants of the old school.

They're all nicknames for tea.

They mean tea, it was that second clue, it's a Scottish term for tea.

But well done, you found a group and you got four more connections,

so that is a total of five.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

If you want to play Connecting Walls, you will find them

on our website, where you can also write your own.

But we are going to decide who is making the final

and who is going home by Missing Vowel, of course,

a difficult Missing Vowel semifinal game.

Fingers on buzzers, teams. The first group are all...

-Gamers.

-Wallander.

-Gamers.

-The Bridge.

-Correct.

Don't know this one, it's Matador, next clue.

-Gamers.

-Borgen.

-Correct.

Next category...

-Gamers.

-James Taylor Swift.

-That's correct.

-Gamers.

-George Michael Buble.

-Yes, it is.

-Gamers.

-Craig David Gray.

-Yup.

-Oenophiles.

-Elton John Denver.

-Correct. Next category...

-Gamers.

-Boolean algebra.

-Gamers.

-Newton-Raphson method.

-Correct.

-Oenophiles.

-Euclidean geometry.

-Yes, it is.

-Gamers.

-Mandelbrot set.

-Correct. Next category...

-Oenophiles.

-Luncheon On The Grass.

-Correct.

END-OF-GAME JINGLE

Didn't have time to shout The Absinthe Drinker, but that's

all right, I've had that shouted at me four times today already.

And after a brilliant series, they've been lots of fun,

but with ten points, it's time to say goodbye to the Oenophiles.

With 24 points and impressively through to the final,

it is the Board Gamers.

We'll be seeing you again for the final.

Oenophiles, I'm sorry to lose you, you've been a brilliant team,

and perhaps we'll have a glass of wine later on.

So that's it for Only Connect this week, over like another Christmas.

Have an Alka-Seltzer for the headache

and start taking down the decorations.

I assume you decorate your house for the show.

See you next week, when once again I'll be coming down the chimney

chuckling, "Name the Siberian lakes in reverse order of depth." Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd