Europhiles v Heath Family Only Connect

Hello and welcome to the jim-jam challenge.

I'm Amanda Holden, or rather I was, but the director just woke me up

and said it's time to make an episode of Only Connect.

Luckily I know that she was just a figment of my imagination

and I'm still dreaming.

So it's time for Round One in which I help Michael Portillo

in and out of a pair of pyjamas

against the clock.

I'm not seeing Portillo. I'm awake, aren't I?

All right, let's get on with it.

On my right, Kip Heath,

a biomedical scientist with a passion for science fiction

who once watched Joan Collins send back a breakfast

because the plate was too peppery.

Heather Heath, an optometrist who enjoys pilates and Zumba

and volunteers at a historic jail.

And their captain, Alan Heath,

a chartered accountant who enjoys holidaying on cruise ships and is

an energetic member of the British Weights and Measures Association.

United by blood, not by choice, they are the Heath Family.

So Alan, you beat the Exhibitionists in your first heat.

What did you learn from that game?

We need to stay focused, think outside the box

-and pick the right hieroglyphs.

-Good luck doing that this evening.

-Thank you.

-You'll be playing against, on my left, Douglas Thomson,

an English graduate with a diploma in Law who has owned three dogs,

five cats and a rabbit. Khuram Rashid,

an English graduate who enjoys swimming and Star Trek films

and bought a Hannah Montana sticker book at the age of 22.

And their captain, Mark Seager, a modern languages graduate

and baking enthusiast who hosts an annual Eurovision party.

United by continental enthusiasm, they are the Europhiles.

Mark, you beat the Relatives in your first heat, tell me about that game.

It was all going quite well

until we got to the Wall where it became utter carnage

so we felt quite pleased to come through that on the

right side of the score line.

OK, let's press on with the quiz.

In Round One I simply want to know what is

the connection between four apparently random clues

and you won the toss, Europhiles, so you'll be going first.

Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Right, Spain, Pillars of Hercules...

-Straits of Gibraltar.

-Oh, right, OK.

-What?

They're Straits of Gibraltar. Next.

Mauritius, Sambur deer and Dodo.

I don't know.

-Are these things that belong to that country?

-Yeah.

Shall we see the next one?

-Yeah.

-Next.

Australia, Emu and Kangaroo...Oh!

-They're on the crests of the countries, aren't they?

-Are they?

-OK.

-Mauritius has the Dodo definitely.

BELL

These are on the crests of the flags on these countries.

-I'm going to ask you to have another go there.

-On the crests.

-On the coat of arms.

-On the coat of arms. These countries.

They're on the coats of arms,

specifically the supporters,

they are things that support

the coat of arms

and the last one was UK,

Lion and Unicorn so well done.

Coming in after three clues

you get two points

-and over to the Heath family to choose a question.

-Lion, please.

Lion. OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-Distributions presumably.

-Yeah, next.

Next.

Boring.

-Don't know, go next.

-Next.

Intercourse.

-Anything? Wordplay?

-Have we got anything?

-Nothing at all.

-Don't think so.

-Next.

Is it a song? Is it a...?

It's the stages of something.

-Yeah.

-Go for it because I can't think.

BELL

Four stages of marriage.

I'm just having a look, I don't

think that's the order they come in.

So I'm going to say no, that is

not an acceptable answer

and there's a bonus chance

for the Europhiles.

Civil engineering.

Do you know if you look up

civil engineer in the Yellow Pages

-it says, "See under boring"?

-Yeah.

But I don't think intercourse is a

mandatory part of civil engineering

so that's not right either.

No, these are all American towns.

Normal, Illinois, Boring, Oregon,

Intercourse, Pennsylvania

and Hell, Michigan.

So Europhiles, your turn again to choose a question.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

These are going to be picture clues, what connects them?

Here's the first.

Is that a lyre or a lute?

Next.

Parts of central Africa. No.

Cote d'Ivoire, that's just at the south there. Yes.

-So there's Mali, is it Chad?

-No, that's not Chad.

Next.

-It's a Russian cologne.

-Yes.

Erm...

Next.

I think that's Ouija.

BELL

These are all things that end JA.

They are not all things that end JA.

Heath Family, you've got

the chance for a bonus point.

They all have OU in them.

They do not all have OU in them

but you're scrambling around in

the right area, it is to do the

words and it is to do with vowels.

They all start with three vowels.

We're seeing an Aeolian harp,

that's Ouagadougou in the

second picture,

Eau de cologne and a Ouija board.

They all start with three consecutive vowels but not always OU

so very close but no bonus, you may, however, choose your own hieroglyph.

-Water, please.

-OK.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

-October 31st...

-Halloween.

-Halloween.

Or the something de Muertos.

-The day before the day of the dead.

-Shall we go next?

-Next.

-Next.

December the 25th.

Christmas Day, has it got an eve or a day?

-Yeah, but there's not a sequence.

-Next.

-Next.

-Hex 19.

-Hex 19, what is it?

-I don't know.

-Oh, hang on.

-Go on.

There's October is eight, hex is 16...

-Not a sequence, it's...

-Not a sequence.

Next.

-Five seconds.

-Binary.

25.

BELL

These are 25 in octal,

decimal, base 16 and binary.

That's absolutely right, well done.

You just spotted it at the last.

So mean, isn't it? The first two look like dates but it's not.

It's Oct for octal, Dec for decimal,

Hex for hexadecimal or base 16 and

Bin is binary and in those numerical

systems they would all make 25.

Very well done.

Over then to you then, Europhiles, to pick a question.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds. Ah, the music question.

You'll be shouting next when you want to hear the next clue.

Here's the first.

MUSIC: "Crossroad" by Robert Johnson

Is this Howlin' Wolf?

It might be but I don't know. Next.

MUSIC: "Voodoo Chile" by Jimi Hendrix

Oh, this is Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze, isn't it?

-I'm also thinking Hendrix but...

-Or is it Voodoo Chile? I'm not sure.

Next.

MUSIC: "Piece of my Heart" by Janis Joplin

That's... That's erm...

Is it Janis Joplin?

Next.

MUSIC: "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse

-Back to Black.

-Three seconds.

-Was it...

BELL

What's the connection?

-I don't know, erm, black.

-Black.

-Not the connection, I'm afraid.

There's a bonus chance for the Heath Family.

Parts of a castle.

Parts of a castle? Well, what did you hear there?

Well, it's certainly got watch tower in there somewhere.

No watch tower, no.

Interesting, I mean, we did hear

something from Philip Turrets

but that wasn't actually the... No, we didn't!

The artists there were

Robert Johnson, Jimi Hendrix

and I think as you knew Janis Joplin and Amy Winehouse,

they are all rather tragically

members of the 27 club.

They all died at the age of 27 and it was Voodoo Chile not

Purple Haze there.

-I've just realised that if you're Europhiles...

-Yep.

..and you, Alan, are an enthusiastic member of the British Weights

and Measures Association, we have a lovely natural enmity.

You're all presumably all very pro-metric over there.

We don't mind really. I'm happy with both.

Happy with both, what about that? That's fighting talk.

-I'm just happy with one, I think.

-Just happy with one.

We've got the imperial team and a happy with both team.

How's that going to resolve itself? Only with a fist fight, surely.

One more question of the round, Heath Family, that'll be for you,

the Horned Viper.

What connects these clues? Here's the first.

-Is it a song?

-Yeah, it could be, also a connection.

-Next.

-Massage cream.

-Things you...

-Are they all things that have happened in...? I don't know.

-Next.

Drinking shampoo.

Well, that's going to kill you but I don't know what else.

-Aren't things that could kill you.

-No.

-We need another one.

-We need the other one, come on.

-Next.

Could it be scandals?

-Oh, yeah.

-Scandals? BSE?

-It's not BSE.

-Five seconds.

-We've got something, we've got to... Go scandals.

BELL

-We think they were all scandals.

-Tell me something else.

Putting shampoo into drinks to...

I don't think you know what it is,

there's a bonus chance

for you now, Europhiles.

Are these reasons people have called 999?

They are not...

What? For kissing a girl?

They release that report about

once a year of stupid reasons

people have called 999.

Yes, they do.

I don't think anyone rang 999

because they've kissed a girl

or maybe they have to ask for

-further advice.

-Yeah.

-No.

These are all excuses that have been

given after sportspeople have

failed drug tests.

I asked you to tell me more because

in a way they are sort of

mini scandals but I needed to hear

and the answer is a no.

Kissing a girl, that was the

French tennis star Richard Gasquet

claimed that while kissing a girl

he'd simply ingested some cocaine.

That's how that came to be there.

Massage cream,

the American sprinter Justin Gatlin,

he didn't say it himself but someone

said about him that massage cream

had been rubbed into his buttocks

and you know, who doesn't do that?

And that was the reason for the

failure and it was a British

shot-putter Paul Edwards who said that he'd been drinking

a bottle of shampoo, that was his problem in many ways and the

Spanish cyclist Alberto Contador

said he'd had some

contaminated meat.

Reasons given after sportspeople failed drug tests.

At the end of Round One then, the Heath Family have 1 point,

the Europhiles have 2.

Yes, they'll notice it's all a little bit more difficult at this

stage of the competition and more difficult still is Round Two.

Sequences. This time you have to work out the connections and

then tell me what comes fourth.

So Europhiles, you'll be going first again.

-Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Erm, Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax.

What would you expect to see at the end of this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

Oh, it's the international...

So it's Mike, goes back to L,

-Movember is back from N.

-OK.

So Oscar and what's P?

Papa, but it's going to be with...

Mike became like, November became

Movember, P was... What's before P?

I don't know.

OK, yes, that's it.

BELL

OAPA.

That is absolutely the answer. Oapa.

Can you explain why?

It's the middle bit of the

NATO phonetic alphabet

but with the previous letter

of the alphabet at the beginning.

That's absolutely right, coming in after two clues you get 3 points.

-Heath Family, your turn.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Dynamo. Next?

-Yeah.

-Next.

Sea duty.

-I don't know.

-I don't know,

need to go to the next one.

-What should we do now?

-Next.

-Next.

-Ended ways.

-What on earth is this? Is this a literature thing? Is it?

I don't know. I honestly don't know so...

Something you could be doing?

Dynamo is batteries?

Yeah, that's something to say.

I can't see anything it's...

-Unless it's singles...

-Five seconds.

-..but I just don't know.

-Press and say something.

-Go.

No, I've got nothing.

Couldn't bear to have a guess on that one, I don't blame you.

Another bonus chance then, Europhiles.

-Overlord.

-Overlord.

Overlord?

I really hope you're addressing me

and you're about to give the answer

but I'm afraid I have to take that

as the answer and it would be wrong.

An answer I would've accepted is

shady rut...

and several others.

-Does that help?

-Oh.

-You're going to kick yourselves.

Shady rut is almost an anagram of sea duty but...

What shady rut is an anagram of

is Thursday.

Dynamo is an anagram of Monday.

Sea duty of Tuesday.

Ended ways of Wednesday.

I needed to hear an anagram of Thursday,

that's what was hidden there, horrible.

-All right, Europhiles, which would you like next?

-Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus, what would be the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Passage du Gois, France.

Do you know where that is?

-I don't know.

-I don't think...

Next.

-Liege, Belgium. Oh! Is it where the Tour de France starts?

-Could be.

The Tour de France is started in Belgium?

Yeah, it leaves France every other year.

Are you sure it could be start? It could be end?

No, it's going to be the start

-because where it starts outside France every other year.

-OK.

I think it's Bradford

-or somewhere...

-2014?

It's going to be outside France,

I think it's Bradford.

-Next year?

-Yes, we'll go for that.

BELL

2014, Bradford.

Not the answer, I'm afraid so

I'm going to show the third in the

sequence to the Heath Family and

you've got a chance for

a bonus point.

-Shall we go with that?

-Go for that.

-2014, Glasgow.

-That's not it either.

Europhiles, you were staggeringly

close, I think you know the

-connection which is...

-Sheffield?

This is the Grand Depart,

it's the start of the Tour de France

-and it will be 2014, Leeds.

-Ah.

So near Bradford but not quite.

So no points there.

Back to you then, Heath Family, to pick a question.

-Horned Viper, please.

-Horned Viper.

These are going to be picture clues,

what might you see in the fourth one?

Here's the first.

-OK, that's Jimmy Carr.

-It's Jimmy Carr, OK.

-Who's the other guy?

-Next.

BBC Radio 4. Making history.

What does that say?

-History?

-Making history.

Making history is a radio programme.

-We're going to need another one, aren't we?

-Erm, yes.

-We're going to have to get the next one, just go.

-Next.

They're idents on BBC. OK, so what's the fourth one? The current one?

-I don't know. It's an ident, isn't it?

-All right.

-The thing before the programme.

-What is it?

-Three seconds.

-The cyclists going round?

-Go for it.

BELL Cyclists.

Not cyclists I'm afraid

so Europhiles, you've got the chance for a bonus.

Erm...

-Jeremy Paxman.

-No.

Now these pictures are supposed to

indicate The Stars' Tennis Balls,

obviously Making History,

The Hippopotamus,

they are Stephen Fry novels going

backwards in order of publication

and next going backwards

would be The Liar.

We've gone for a picture

of Pinocchio so yes, Stephen Fry novels.

Europhiles, your turn for a choice.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

What would be the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Presumably it's going to be people.

Next.

Oh! It's a Prime Minister of Canada,

-isn't it?

-Yes.

-So then it was...

-Martin.

-Then Harper, OK.

BELL

-Harper.

-Very good.

Coming in after two clues

you get 3 points, they are

successive Canadian Prime Ministers

and fourth would be Harper.

-OK, Heath Family, one question remains, it's Water.

-Right.

You'll be getting that. What would be the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Funafuti.

-No idea.

-No clue, no clue.

-Next.

Is that a south island, Wellington?

Is it, is it...? I mean, it's going to be...

-Wellington's in the South and you think...

-We've got East...

Then North and then...

-East, South it's got something...

-East, South, North.

Oh, right, yeah.

East, South, West, North, it'll go.

-Try Reykjavik, shall we?

-OK.

Because it's South.

-Yeah, we'll try it.

-Go.

BELL N = Reykjavik.

Coming in after two clues, you get 3 points.

The answer is N = Reykjavik and why's that?

It's the most northerly capital?

That's it.

We're talking about the most extreme capitals

and we're going clockwise round from East, North would be Reykjavik.

Very well done.

So at the of Round Two, the Heath Family have 4 points,

the Europhiles have 8.

OK, let's ratchet up the difficulty a little bit more.

Round Three, Connecting Walls.

16 clues, all jumbled up,

need sorting into four connected groups of four.

Heath Family, it's your turn to go first.

-Would you like Lion, Water or neither?

-Neither.

-Go with the Lion, please.

-OK, the Lion wall.

Two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

-OK.

-Simmonds so it's probably names. Storey's got an E in it so it's

probably a name.

Shall we start having a go?

What do you think they are?

-BUZZ

-Do you reckon that they're names?

List, lock, air's going to be a word thing?

-Do we know anyone called Storey?

-No.

-Stewart Storey.

-Any others?

Marks goes with Spencer.

Rolling stone, rolling lock, rolling air, rolling...

BUZZ

Er... Peacock.

BUZZ No.

-Just keep going.

-Keep going?

-Yeah, keep going.

Dam, you can drop an N on the end.

BUZZ Right.

BUZZ

-Weir was an athlete, a Paralympian, wasn't he?

-Yeah.

-OK, Paralympians?

I think Peacock is as well but I don't know.

-Ellie Simmonds is.

-Ellie Simmonds, OK. Stone?

-Stone, try it.

BUZZ Try those three again.

-BUZZ

-OK, I'll keep on it.

-Try Storey.

BUZZ

Heel. Oh, it's some kind of...

Heel stone?

Sheep dog sort of instructions, heel. No.

Tilt?

Lock.

BUZZ Simmonds.

If peacock is a clue then surely Marks and Spencer's...

-BUZZ

-You've got a minute left.

-Right.

Erm...

BUZZ

BUZZ

We had tilt.

I can't see any connections here.

BUZZ

-Don't give up with these.

-OK.

-BUZZ

-It might not be those four then.

BUZZ

BUZZ

-Rolling stone...

-So have we got a name thing?

-Rolling stone.

-Rolling...

-Heel, tilt, air.

BUZZ

-Rustle, staunch...

-Probably a word thing but I can't see it.

-Yeah.

-BUZZ

-What do they sound like?

-Lock, careen, air...

-20 seconds.

Air to the throne? Peacock throne, air to the throne.

Yes, it could be...

-Go on, then. What do you think?

-Air...

-Air what?

Dam...

-Careen,

-Cant. No.

BUZZ

That's it, the time's up.

Stumped by the Wall and I can't say I blame you but you can still

get points for the connections so let's see what you should've done.

Let's resolve the Wall.

-There we go. Peacock, Storey, Stone, Simmonds.

-Paralympians.

Are these Paralympians?

Those are the Paralympians, British Paralympian gold medal winners.

Johnny Peacock, Ellie Simmonds, David Stone and Sarah Storey.

-What about the next one? Weir, Dam, Lock, Staunch?

-You stop water.

You stop water, you staunch a flow, you get a lock, dam water...

River barriers, that's it.

And what about the red group?

Any clue on that one?

-Air guitars?

-They're not.

Cant, Marks, Rustle, Air,

-homophones for philosophers.

-Right.

And the last one.

Tilt, heel, list, careen.

Dog commands.

-Are they dog commands?

-Dog training, sheep dog trials.

Ah, they're not, a careen would be a bit of a problem there.

They're synonyms for each other, they mean to slant, to tilt,

to heel, to list like a ship, to careen, slanting

but you do get 2 points for the connections.

Time to bring back the Europhiles, give them a horrible

Connecting Wall and see what they can do with it.

16 new clues, of course, need sorting into four groups.

Europhiles, you'll be getting the Water Wall

because the Lion's been taken.

You've got two and a half minutes starting now.

Right, OK, three feathers, that's on a flag or something, isn't it?

It's on the Prince of Wales' crest.

-Oh, are these all things on crests then?

-It could be.

Oh, that's Catch 22.

Right, OK. Is there other things? Oh, Rankin is a photographer.

-Springbok...

-Oh, and Snowden.

-Yes.

-Rankin, Snowden, Bailey...

-Lichfield.

-Lichfield.

-BUZZ

-No. Others?

Spender?

-BUZZ

-No.

-OK, shall we go back to the...?

-Yes.

Springbok, wallaby, meerkat, jaguar.

-BUZZ

-No.

-Aardvark?

-BUZZ

-OK, try without Springbok.

-BUZZ

-Oh, hang on,

-Springbok and wallaby are nicknames for rugby teams.

-OK.

Or people from rugby teams. Jaguar, I think is. Silver fern?

-BUZZ

-No. OK.

Minderbinder? Minderbinder. Anyone know what that is?

Trek. Can trek be...?

Other than Star Trek, pony trek?

Spender, big spender?

There's nothing else that's big, is there?

Apartheid, springbok are set in South Africa.

-Oh, right, are they words from Afrikaans?

-Yes.

-What else?

-Aardvark is.

-Yes.

-Meerkat?

-Possibly.

-BUZZ

-Nope. Erm... Any more?

Yossarian?

-BUZZ

-Try it without aardvark.

-BUZZ

-Try it without meerkat.

-BUZZ

-Try it without apartheid.

-BUZZ

-Try it without yossarian.

-BUZZ

-Have I tried them all now?

Try without springbok.

BUZZ

Go back to crests. Three feathers is on the crest, is the silver fern?

-It makes sense.

-Erm, what else?

-Springbok is on the crest of South Africa, isn't it?

-Yes.

-45 seconds.

-And jaguar?

-Yes.

-BUZZ

-No, OK.

-Try aardvark.

-Aardvark.

-BUZZ

-No.

Trying to think if there's anything else that can be on a crest.

-Wallaby?

-Yes.

-Springbok, silver fern, three feathers.

-BUZZ

-No. OK, trek.

-Trek could be from Afrikaans.

-Yes.

Great!

-Aardvark, jaguar, wallaby and...

-20 seconds.

-Three feathers.

Three feathers.

-BUZZ

-No, OK.

Shall we try the photographers again? Yes.

-Snowden, Lichfield, Bailey...

-Yossarian.

-We had him.

-BUZZ Try...

-10 seconds.

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

That's it, your time's up and the Wall's frozen but you get

a point for the group you found and what about the connection?

Meerkat, trek, apartheid, springbok?

Those are all words derived from Afrikaans.

That's right, they're Afrikaans loanwords

and you can more connection points in the groups you didn't find

so let's resolve the Wall.

What about this then? Aardvark, Snowden, Minderbinder and Yossarian.

-What did you say?

-I think they're from Catch 22.

OK, they're all from Catch 22.

They are all from the Joseph Heller novel Catch 22.

What about this next one?

Jaguar, three feathers, wallaby, silver fern.

They're all the

insignia of rugby teams.

Rugby Union, international emblems is what they are

and the last group, Lichfield, Bailey, Rankin, Spender.

They're photographers, aren't they? Yep.

They're all British photographers.

You were trying to put Snowden in the group

but Lord Snowdon would spell his name with an O, no E at the end.

Of course, yes.

So one point for the group you found

and four more points for the connections, that is a total of 5.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the Final Round.

And if you want to have a go at a Connecting Wall,

you will find them on our website where you can also write your own

but we're going to play the Missing Vowels round,

what are the disguised clues from which we've removed the vowels

and switched up the consonants?

Fingers on buzzers, teams, I'm going to tell you that the first group

are all things that rhyme with missing vowel.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

-Disembowel.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

-Throw in the towel.

-That's right.

No? This one is...

Next clue.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

-Simon Cowell.

-Yes, it is.

Next category, one man and his dog.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

-John Noakes and Shep.

-Correct.

A tricky one this.

Next clue.

-BELL

-Heath Family.

-Punch and Toby.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

-Tintin and Snowy.

-Yes.

Next category, things which are gold.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

-Bullseye in archery.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

-FIFA World Cup trophy.

-Yes, it is.

-BELL

-Europhiles.

Or in heraldry.

Well done, that's right.

-BELL

-Heath Family.

-Krugerrand.

-That's right.

Next category, National Parks in Africa.

OUT-OF-TIME MUSIC

No time to say Masai Mara because that is the end of the quiz

and after a great Round Four for you there, Mark. Or in heraldry?!

That's one of the harder clues we've had.

The Heath Family finish with 8 points

-but the winners with 21 are the Europhiles.

-Well done, guys.

Very well done, Europhiles, you are through to the semifinal.

Heath Family, you are not out, you can certainly still make

the semifinal but you must win another game in order to get there.

Thank you all for playing and well done.

Finally, it's the end of the show and I can go back to sleep. Goodbye.

I'm coming, Michael!