Journalists Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and a very warm welcome to this special journalistic edition

of Pointless Celebrities,

the show where obvious answers mean nothing

and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

And couple number one.

I'm Toby Young. I'm an associate editor of The Spectator.

I'm Melissa Kite, I'm a columnist on The Spectator.

Couple number two.

I'm Jane Moore, I write a column for The Sun

and I'm a regular on Loose Women.

I'm Kevin O'Sullivan, I'm a television critic

and I'm a regular on The Wright Stuff.

Couple number three.

I'm Frank Gardner, BBC security correspondent,

and I've had my first thriller published this year.

I'm Lizo Mzimba,

I'm the entertainment correspondent for BBC News.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Tony Parsons,

I write a column for GQ and the Sun On Sunday

and I write the Max Wolff thrillers.

I'm Miranda Sawyer and I'm a freelance journalist,

mostly working for the Observer.

Thank you very much, all of you. A very warm welcome to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here. We'll chat to you more throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He is conversant in culture, fluent in fun

and has bedroom Spanish.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

Hello, everybody. Good evening.

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening, sir.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

Now, we've got quite a clever bunch on this evening's show, haven't we?

Not that they're not always clever,

but occasionally, you spot some weak links -

I don't spot any weak links here, unfortunately.

That said, two people have been on before - neither of them really covered themselves in glory.

Lizo has been on before, got to Round Two. Tony, Round One, got knocked out last time.

Well, they actually kept the cab by the dressing room door for me

last time I was here, that's how bad it was!

But they've both been bright enough -

look at the partners they've brought along.

Frank Gardner, that's a smart move. Miranda Sawyer as well -

two of the brightest people you could bring. I should also note, on podium two,

we have a fellow long-suffering Fulham fan

in Kevin O'Sullivan as well.

So...(come on, Kev!)

Thank you very much, Richard.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants are looking for those all-important Pointless answers.

These are answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those, and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

We start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, just to be absolutely plain,

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated, so make sure your scores are low.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this evening is...

It's a Words round.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going first,

who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is - here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many words ending in ORD as they could.

Words ending in ORD. Richard.

We're simply looking for any word which has its own entry

in the British and World English section of oxforddictionaries.com

that ends ORD, please. As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words,

anything like that.

Just any word ending ORD. Very best of luck.

-OK.

-And as always, I'm going to predict the word

that you're going to say.

OK, go on, do it.

Toby, welcome. Welcome to Pointless. Good to have you here.

There are very few areas in the entire realm of writing,

I think, that you haven't yet done something in.

I mean, you're a journalist, obviously.

You were on Vanity Fair.

You have written so many different...

Drama, you've written a screenplay.

Anything else you would like to do, Toby?

Anything you feel you haven't yet covered?

Um...I've written a screenplay,

but never one that's been turned into a film.

Did you not write the screenplay for How To Lose Friends And Alienate People?

-No, I was the co-producer.

-That was it?

Somebody adapted your play?

Somebody adapted the book.

I see. That's right, because there was a stage play, wasn't there?

There was a stage play in which I played myself

and I was played by Simon Pegg in the film.

When the director saw me and Simon for the first time,

he said, "If you're going to play this guy, Simon,

"you'll either have to gain 20lb

"or I'll have to put you in a fat suit."

I was a bit more out of shape then.

I thought it was joking, I thought it was just banter.

On the first day of principal photography,

Simon had gained 20lb, so that wasn't very flattering!

Wow.

Toby...

A word ending ORD that the fewest people -

or ideally no people - have chosen.

-I've got one!

-Have you?

Sorry, it just landed on me.

-There we go.

-Oh! So happy.

We can chat more if you like, Toby, now I've...

LAUGHTER

Fjord.

Oh, that is good.

-That's a good one.

-You like that?

-That is good. Yes.

Fjord, says Toby.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for fjord.

Down it goes...still going...

Oh, 19.

APPLAUSE

19, for fjord.

Of course, a long narrow inlet on the coast in Norway.

There we are. Jane, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-How long have you done your opinion column at The Sun?

About 22 years.

That's incredible.

-Yes.

-What a thing.

When you first started, did you find opinions,

strong opinions, came to you naturally?

Or have your opinions hardened over time?

No, I've always been quite opinionated.

I was very opinionated at school.

And it has sort of carried on through my life.

And then I worked in a, sort of, a senior role at newspapers,

where you go into conference every morning,

doing a lot of this, and the editor said,

"Just to shut her up, I'm going to give her a column!"

And here you are, 22 years later.

Now, Jane, what word ending in ORD would you like to go for?

-I'm going to go for discord.

-Discord.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said discord.

It's right. Well, 19 is our only score so far, for fjord.

Discord...

22.

Very nice grouping, there.

A promising start to the round.

Yeah, it's used in air safety demonstrations -

what happens when the oxygen runs out...

"Pull dis cord..."

Thank you very much indeed, Richard!

Now, then, Lizo, thank you for coming back.

You are the second-longest-serving incumbent on Newsround.

-After the great John Craven.

-After the great John Craven.

-How long did you do?

-Ten years.

-Oh!

-Do you still hear that music at the same time every afternoon?

-I do.

-Fantastic.

-And now, entertainment correspondent?

-Yeah.

-Now that's got to be quite all right,

cos for us, entertainment is, well, entertaining.

For you, it's very hard work.

But it's still fun. You know, I think I've had

the best two jobs in broadcasting.

Newsround, getting to meet amazing kids all over the world,

and now, entertainment correspondent,

I get to interview celebrities and go to the Oscars.

It doesn't get much better than that, does it?

Fabulous. Lizo, what would you like to go for?

I'm going to go for broadsword.

Broadsword. Let's see how many of our 100 people said broadsword.

Well, 22 is our high score, 19 our low.

That's how good the grouping is so far.

Broadsword whizzes past!

Down to 2!

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed, Lizo.

Looking very strong.

That's beautiful. That's a journalist's special.

That's a terrific answer. Well played. A very flat...

Well, it's a broad sword, essentially!

-It is, isn't it?

-Aptly named.

I was trying to explain what it was

and I thought, "No, that's essentially what it is."

It is what it is, yeah. Thank you very much indeed.

-Tony, welcome back.

-Thank you.

Let's just talk about Man And Boy, first,

which sold colossal numbers all around the world.

What are the sales figures on that?

I think it's about five to six million, so far.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Five or six million books - I don't know what that even looks like.

That looks like...

Somebody comes up to you in the street and says,

"I love you, you're Nick Hornby",

it happens all the time. Happens all the time.

Listen, five or six...

"What's it like, Hugh Grant playing you in a film?" That's what they usually say.

Tony, what would you like to go for?

I'm going to go for overlord.

Overlord.

Very good. Normandy landing name, there.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said overlord.

6, for overlord.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed, Tony.

Well played, Tony - great answering all round, here.

Yeah, a ruler, an overlord.

Or someone who was awed by an oval.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, we're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

2 is the best score of the pass.

Lizo, very well done indeed, Lizo and Frank, at this stage,

looking like a strong bet for the next round.

Then up to 6, where we find Tony and Miranda.

Then 19, Toby and Melissa.

And then 22, Jane and Kevin.

So, Kevin, the onus is on you to find a nice low-scoring word

ending ORD - good luck with that.

We'll come back down the line. Will the second players step up to the podium?

Now, then, Miranda, welcome to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here. I've got to ask you this -

you appear, to me, to be one of these, sort of, illuminati.

-One of these wonderful...

-You're quite right, I am.

-You are, though.

-Yeah.

This is what I mean. You were on the Turner Prize jury.

You were on the jury that awarded City of Culture status to Liverpool.

-I was, yes.

-How many other juries are you on, currently, Miranda?

Absolutely none.

It's quite hard work and you feel terrible

for all the people you don't give it to.

They're quite scary things, aren't they, juries?

By and large. You, sort of, become a single organism.

Yeah, and you all disagree, so...it's really difficult.

Very hard, indeed.

Now, Miranda, words ending ORD.

You are on 6 points. Our high-scorers at the moment, Kevin and Jane on 22.

15 or less.

I'm going to say chord, but as in a musical chord.

Ah! Here is your red line, it's quite low.

Let's see if you can get below that with chord, with an h.

It's right.

-25.

-All right-ish.

I think you're going to be all right.

That takes your total up to 31.

Relieves a little bit of pressure from Kevin and Jane,

but not that much.

Well played, Miranda, it's going to be exciting, isn't it?

This second pass. You could probably define chord better than I, with your musical training?

Yes, I suppose it's more than two notes played simultaneously.

And ideally being, yes, being a chord,

it should be assonant,

it should be pleasing to the ear.

Yet still, they don't let you write dictionaries - extraordinary.

Yeah, I know, one of these days, eh?

-Yeah.

-Oh...

Frank, a very, very warm welcome to Pointless,

great to have you here.

How long have you been security correspondent for the BBC?

-God, 12 years.

-Wow.

-Then, you've written two books...

-I have.

..about your experience in the Middle East.

One of them was about the Middle East

and the other was just a fun adventure, travel, sort of,

accounts of going to places like Djibouti and Sumatra and Socotra,

which hardly anybody read, actually, but I had fun writing it.

But let's talk about Crisis.

For the first time, you have written... It's a thriller.

It is a thriller. It's a huge jump, I have to say.

I mean, you will all know this.

-Going from nonfiction to fiction, it's a massive learning curve.

-Yes.

Rooted, so completely, in your...

In something you know absolutely about.

It's jungles, it's a nasty weapon, it's a race to the end,

and it involves obscure parts of this country

and another part of the world.

Good for people wanting to come on Pointless. There you are.

Now, Frank, a word ending ORD.

There you are, on 2 - behind you on the far podium,

Miranda and Tony are on 31. So, 28 is your target score.

I'm going to go for misericord.

-AUDIENCE OOHS

-What?

That, by the way,

-that was mine!

-Was that your word?

Genuinely - no, I promise, that was mine!

I didn't write that down.

Oh, no, I didn't think you would have done.

No, well done.

It's slightly annoying. LAUGHTER

There we are, misericord says Frank.

There is your red line.

If you get below that, you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people got misericord.

I hope it's pointless.

It's right.

Very well done.

1!

APPLAUSE

3 is your total.

-Very well done.

-Very well played.

I was going to say how on earth is that not pointless?

But then both of you came up with it, so I guess it's...

Again, you could maybe... I could define it, if I so chose,

but I wonder if you might like to.

I have a feeling it's an organ, isn't it?

It's a musical...

I thought it was a small medieval knife, isn't it?

Oh, maybe... Well...

-He called my bluff!

-You stab the organ with it.

I think it's actually a ledge

underneath the seat in a prayer stool, I think.

-There you are.

-So, hold on, you both know the word...

It's nothing to do... Anyway, it's fine,

I'm not going to go too far into it.

It can be a small dagger as well, a misericord.

-Oh, there you are.

-But it's not an organ.

-It's not an organ.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, Kevin, this is exciting.

Let's talk a little bit about your job in journalism -

a TV reviewer.

-Yes.

-I mean, that's nice, a job you can do on a sofa.

Yeah, exactly, in your underpants.

-In your...

-If you want to.

-Probably, yeah.

Be honest, do you watch programmes all the way to the end, always?

Yeah, I think that's...

You've got to give it a fair crack of the whip.

You've got to have the full viewer's experience.

Do you actually watch at home or do you have a, sort of,

viewing room that feels more workmanlike?

I have a rather extraordinarily big television.

Now, Kevin, you have a target, here -

8 or less keeps you in the game.

Well, I feel completely emasculated by misericord,

but I was going to say harpsichord.

You could be emasculated by a misericord, as it happens. Um...

LAUGHTER

There is your red line. You are going for harpsichord,

let's see if you can get below that red line with harpsichord.

It's never going to do it, is it?

You've done it!

5, very well done, indeed.

Well done.

27 is your total.

Oh, Tony, this can't happen, this simply can't happen.

Very well played there, Kevin.

Harpsichord - it's a type of small dagger.

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much indeed.

Melissa, welcome to Pointless, good to have you here.

Now, I have to say, you have probably one of those

most wonderful jobs in journalism.

One of those permanent columns at the back of The Spectator.

-Yes.

-When did you get that?

Quite some years ago, actually.

It is said that people read from the back.

Oh, I think they do. When you first got there, did you feel,

"Well, this is it, I've arrived?"

I did, a bit, yes.

I said, "Well, what do you want me to write about?"

And the editor said, "Just be yourself."

-Well, that's helpful!

-I thought, "That's really helpful, isn't it?"

-Yes.

-So, that's what I've done.

I'm very flattered to have lovely letters

from wonderful Spectator readers who read it and say they enjoy it.

Wonderful. So it's a word ending ORD that we're looking for.

I mean, I could really start scraping the bottom of the barrel

with some very strange words that I thought of,

but I'm not sure about...

So I'm going to say accord.

Accord. Accord, says Melissa.

This is exciting. There's your red line.

Below that red line, you remain with us.

Above that red line,

a glass of room-temperature white wine awaits you.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said accord.

31!

Oh, Melissa!

A reprieve for Tony, who shall see Round Two, at last.

-But, Melissa, I'm afraid...

-At last, at last! Round Two, at last.

..that takes your total up to 50.

Sorry, Melissa, not a bad answer amongst all eight of you, there,

-a terrific round from everybody.

-I did think I came up with another.

-You came up with another word?

-Yeah, yeah.

OK, this is just to help me out, right?

-Yeah, yeah.

-What other word did you come up with?

I came up with milord.

Oh, as in, "You rang, milord?"

As in, "Oh, yes, an English milord".

-Would have scored you 3 points.

-There we are.

-Would've been a very good answer.

-Slightly disappointing.

-The answer I had for you was a pointless answer.

-You are kind.

-That's all right.

There's only two Swedish words in the English language.

-Oh, smorgasbord!

-Smorgasbord! That's what I wrote down.

-Oh, that's the one. Look at that.

-There you go.

-Pointless answer.

-Oh, you flatter me.

Well, you know. Let's take a look at some other pointless answers.

There are some words people could have got, here.

Again, a lot of compound words here.

Byword is a pointless answer, that would have been a nice one.

Drawcord. Ganglord.

Loanword. Misword. Needlecord.

Rerecord. There's smorgasbord.

Watchword - would have been a lovely pointless answer, wouldn't it?

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round,

I'm afraid the pair who are heading home,

with their high score of 50... I'm sorry, Melissa and Toby.

But, I mean, that made that last pass incredibly exciting.

I mean, all sorts of swings and roundabouts, there.

And a very unlikely finish to it, rather a twist in the tail, if I might say.

It's been lovely having you. Sorry to send you home so soon.

It seems a terrible waste, but there we are.

Thank you for coming to play, Melissa and Toby.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And so we're suddenly down to three pairs.

At the end of this round, we'll say goodbye to another pair.

Best of luck to all three pairs for this round.

Our category for Round Two...

..is Music. It's Music.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Misspelt song titles.

-Richard?

-On each board, we're going to show you six song titles,

all of which have deliberately misspelt words in them.

You need to tell us the act who had a hit with any of these, please.

UK top 40 hit with any of these songs.

There'll be six on the first board, six on the second,

12 in all to have a go at at home.

Thank you very much indeed. OK, so let's reveal

our first board of misspelt song titles.

And here they are. We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Kevin.

I'm hopeless at this.

OK, well, Eddie Grant?

-Gimme Hope Jo'Anna?

-Eddie Grant, says Kevin.

Let's see if that's right for Gimme Hope Jo'Anna.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Eddie Grant.

It's right.

15.

APPLAUSE

15.

Yeah, that's a great answer, Kevin, very well played.

-A number seven hit for Eddie Grant.

-Thanks very much, indeed.

Lizo.

I'm going to take a risk. I hope this is right,

and apologies if it's wrong,

I'm going to go for Flava.

Is that a Peter Andre song?

Peter Andre... We shall find out, Lizo.

Peter Andre, how many of our 100 people said that?

Yes, it's a Peter Andre song, very well done.

A risk well worth taking, because down it goes...

To 4! Brilliant.

APPLAUSE

Once again, a commanding score, there,

on the second podium.

Another great round. Well played, everybody.

-It's all about ice cream.

-There we are. Thank you, Richard.

Now, Miranda, this board's all yours.

If you wanted to, you could go through all of those songs

and fill in all the blanks for us.

I'm going to go for Mama Weer All Crazee Now.

And I think...I think that's Slade.

Slade, says Miranda.

Gets a vigorous nod from Tony.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Slade.

It's right. 15's our high score, 4 is our low.

34, for Slade.

APPLAUSE

That's a high score.

Good round from everyone. The kings of misspelling song titles, Slade.

That was number one for three weeks, Mama Weer All Crazee Now.

Gimme Gimme Gimme, I think everyone would know,

and everyone did well to avoid - it's Abba, 72.

Let's Get Ready To Rhumble.

-PJ and Duncan.

-PJ and Duncan, of course it is.

Would have scored 45.

Stickwitu is...

No, I was going to say Pussycat Dolls.

It is the Pussycat Dolls.

-Yeah.

-7 points for that.

-Peter Andre, the best answer on the board, Lizo.

-There we are.

Thank you very much, Richard.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores

before we come back down the line.

Lizo, very well done indeed. Lovely low score.

Lizo and Frank, I think, looking strong contenders

for the head-to-head at this stage.

Then up to 15, where we find Kevin and Jane.

34, Miranda and Tony.

Now, Tony, a chance for you to shine, here,

because you will get the new board.

You can just find a really lovely low-scoring answer on that,

-let's hope that keeps you in the game.

-Come on!

We'll come back down the line, can the second players please step up to the podium?

Let's put six more misspelt song titles up on the board.

We have got...

I'll read all those one last time.

There we are.

-So, Tony. OK.

-I'm going to...

I'm going to go for good old Alexei Sayle

and 'Ullo John! Gotta New Motor?

Very good. No red line for you, you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how far down the column you get with Alexei Sayle. How many people said this?

It's right.

Oh, it's a good answer - look at that, Tony.

Very well done indeed. 12.

Is it good enough, I wonder?

46 is your total.

Good work, Tony. Got to number 15 in the charts.

-More innocent times, weren't they?

-Oh, weren't they, though?

Imagine such a song getting to number 15 these days.

Thanks very much. Frank...

You have a target. 41.

OK, this is not good for me, right now.

Lizo, I just want to say now,

it's been great working with you.

I'm so sorry.

So, I'm going to go for Rod Stewart, Da 'Ya' Think I'm Sexy.

Rod Stewart. OK, well, let's see - here is your red line.

You know, it's all right.

-It's borderline.

-Rod Stewart.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Rod Stewart.

It's right.

Oh, it's 52.

APPLAUSE

Which takes your total up to 56.

Big score, but not that big, is it?

Not crazily big. All the profits from that song,

all the royalties from that song go to Unicef.

-Do they, really?

-Yeah, they do indeed.

-Good, thank you.

So, now, Jane...

Jane, you are on 15.

The high score is now Lizo and Frank on 56,

so 40 is your target.

Nothing Compares 2 U is Sinead O'Connor.

Dirrty, I think,

is Christina Aguilera.

Fings Ain't Wot They Used T'Be,

I'd almost hazard a guess at someone like Barbara Windsor or something,

that kind of...

But I'm going to go for Sk8er Boi, and it's Avril Lavigne.

Avril Lavigne, says Jane. Here is your red line.

Get below that with Avril Lavigne

and you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Avril Lavigne.

It's right.

And you're through. Look at that. Very well done. 32.

-32.

-Taking your total up to 47.

That's very close, again - look at those three scores, there. Very impressive from everybody.

That's a proper guilty pleasure song, Sk8er Boi,

I'm quite a big fan of Sk8er Boi.

Dirrty, you're right, Jane.

Christina Aguilera - would've been a slightly better score. Would've scored you 25.

Fings Ain't What They Used T'Be - not Barbara Windsor.

Max Bygraves - would've scored four points.

You're absolutely right, Nothing Compares 2 U, Sinead O'Connor.

Just scores less than Rod Stewart, 51 points for that.

Thank you very much, Richard.

At the end of our second round, I'm very sorry to say

the pair we are saying goodbye to, with their high score of 56,

is Frank and Lizo, our stars from Round One.

What can I say? You'll just have to come back and play again.

But thank you so much, Frank and Lizo, brilliant contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Miranda and Tony, and Kevin and Jane,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Kevin and Jane, Miranda and Tony.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot for your charities.

Our jackpot currently stands at £2,500.

There it is.

So, we have to work out who's going to go through to the final and play for that jackpot.

We are going to do that by making you go head-to-head.

The nice thing is you can start playing as a team from here on in,

you can chat before you give your answers. It's lovely, takes the pressure off.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here is your first question and your first question this evening

is all about...

Sports at the Summer Olympics.

-Richard?

-I'll show you five pairs of images, and each of those images

will spell out, essentially,

a sport that is played at a Summer Olympics.

-Can you tell us what the sports are, please?

-Thanks very much indeed.

OK, let's reveal our five images. Here they come.

There we are.

Kevin and Jane, you've been our low-scorers, so you will get to go first.

We'd like to point out - we know all of them.

Let's go for C, Jude, doe

-- judo.

-Judo.

OK, judo say Kevin and Jane.

Now, then, Miranda and Tony, talk us through the rest of that board,

-if you can.

-OK, so, the first one is basketball.

The second one is rugby.

D is fencing.

And E is archery.

So, we think, maybe...

Should we go for E?

-Oh, it's so hard.

-I mean, that top one, it could be,

like, laundry dance. Is that an Olympic...

Is that a sport at the Summer Olympics?

-Let's stick with your instincts and go with it.

-OK. Let's say archery.

You're going to go for archery? So, we have judo. We have archery.

Kevin and Jane said judo for C. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said judo.

-This is just luck.

-It is.

It's right.

And it's a good answer.

Down it goes, 28. Very well done.

Miranda and Tony have gone for archery for E.

Let's see if that's right. How many of our 100 people said archery.

It's right.

It's got...

Oh, 55.

55 for archery.

Well done. Kevin and Jane, after one question, you are up 1-0.

There is one answer there that would have beaten judo.

I think you may have been tempted to go for it, because it was A.

-Basketball.

-Laundry dance!

Laundry dance would have scored you 25.

B of course is rugby.

43 points for that.

D - fencing.

A big-scorer - would have scored 68.

There we are, thank you very much, Richard.

Here comes your second question.

Miranda and Tony, you get to answer this one first,

but you have to win it to stay in the game, so the very best of luck. It concerns...

Whoohoo!

We're going to show you the names of five famous TV roads or streets,

but with alternate letters missing.

-Can you fill in those gaps, please?

-Thanks very much indeed.

So let's reveal our famous TV roads with bits missing.

I'm going to read those again.

There we are. Miranda and Tony will go first.

-Yeah.

-OK, this is a guess.

There are two really obvious answers we know,

but we're going to go for the bottom one

and we're going to say it's Blossom Avenue.

Blossom Avenue. Let's hope so.

Now, Kevin and Jane, talk us through the rest of these roads.

-Wisteria Lane.

-Ramsay Street.

-Ramsay Street.

-Albert Square.

That's going to be the low-scorer, the Brady Bunch,

but outside of that - I don't know.

-Wisteria Lane?

-Yeah.

-Wisteria Lane.

-We have Blossom Avenue and Wisteria Lane.

So, Miranda and Tony, Blossom Avenue, let's see if it's right.

-It is right.

-It is right.

-Very well done, Blossom Avenue.

Let's see how far down we go with it.

That's a good answer, 32.

-32.

-You're OK with that.

-Yes.

And against that we have Kevin and Jane saying Wisteria Lane.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

This is close. 36! Very well done.

Miranda and Tony, you're back in the game. Whoohoo!

Fantastic. After two questions, it is 1-1.

Good head-to-head as well. Very few teams ever do that,

look at the words and think... It can literally only be Blossom Avenue but

very few people have the guts to go for it.

Very well done. Ramsay Street, Neighbours.

Scores you 77.

86 for Albert Square.

This last one is another one.

It's something Way, it's working out what that first word is.

It will get you one point. If I tell you

it is a surname and it is the surname of a president...

Clinton Way.

-Ah!

-It would have scored you one point.

Very well done if you got that at home.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, it all comes down to this third and final question.

This is the decider. Whoever wins this one goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. Best of luck.

The third question is all about...

-Thank goodness!

-Protected Designation of Origin Foods.

-Richard?

-We'll show you the names of five foods, all of which come from a

particular area and can only be made in that area.

We need you to tell us the country of origin of these five foods, please.

Whoever gives the lowest answer goes through to play for that jackpot, so very, very best of luck.

The country of origin of these five foods and here they are.

We've got...

I'll read those again.

There we go. Now, Kevin and Jane will go first.

Ooh!

OK. Don't know whether to go for an easy one or have a risky one.

-Shall we risk it?

-Shall we risk it?

-Go for Spain.

Jamon de Huelva. We'll guess that it's Spain.

Jamon de Huelva, Spain,

say Kevin and Jane.

Miranda and Tony, talk us through that board.

Well, we think that the top one is Dutch

and we think the second one sounds like it is Italian.

The fourth one is definitely France and the last one,

that Weisslacker sounds to me as though

it can only be either Germany or Austria.

Shall we take a punt, or should we do the top one?

I think Weisslacker, Germany.

Weisslacker, Germany. So we have Spain and Germany.

Kevin and Jane said Spain for Jamon de Huelva.

Let's see if that's right, how many of our 100 people said it.

It is Spain.

Well done.

29.

-That's because it sounds Spanish.

-Yeah.

29 for Spain.

I think this might be wrong.

Miranda and Tony have gone Weisslacker, Germany.

Let's see if Germany is right for Weisslacker.

-It is Germany.

-Oh, my God.

-Well done.

-It is Germany.

Oh, 45. Bad luck.

Weisslacker, 45. Very well done, Kevin and Jane.

After three questions, you are through to the final 2-1.

Very well played, great head-to-head there.

Gouda is the Netherlands.

That would have scored 56.

Roquefort - France, of course. That would have scored 47.

Imokilly Regato -

it rather depends on knowing where Imokilly is,

and the answer is Ireland.

It's an Irish cheese and would have scored you four points.

Very well done if you said that at home.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, I'm afraid,

Miranda and Tony, it is you. What a brilliant head-to-head round.

Some good answering from you. Thank you for coming to play.

Sorry we have to say goodbye. Brilliant, come back and play again. Miranda and Tony.

-Thank you.

-Thank you. Well done.

For Kevin and Jane, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Kevin and Jane.

You fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities

and at the end of today's show the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

Well, we've tested you and here you are. Amazing.

-Absolutely fantastic.

-Who knew?

-Who knew?!

You get to choose your category from the four we put up on the board.

Let's see what today's selection looks like.

We've got...

Royal Family, I'd be quite keen on,

but Royal Families? When you start getting into those ones on bicycles,

I'm not so good at those.

-Or the Japanese one.

-The European royals.

-What do you fancy?

-Shall we go for Beautiful Things?

You want to try it because we have no idea what it is?

I thought Beautiful Things probably...

I don't know. I think it's something to do with gossip, but I don't know.

Which one do you want? Say.

We are being very decisive here, aren't we(?)

Royal Families? Do you want to do that?

-Are you any good on Royal Families?

-No, but...

I can't go for something on my own.

-Shall we go for Beautiful Things, as we don't know what it is?

-Yes.

We're going to go for Beautiful Things because we have no idea what

-it is.

-OK, so you're not going to go for the thing that one of you

is an expert on, you're going to go for something that neither of you knows anything about?

-Neither of us are experts on anything.

-OK.

OK...

OK, here are your three questions on Beautiful Things.

We are looking for any UK top 40 albums

by the Beautiful South, please,

apart from EPs and greatest hits.

We're looking for anyone in the film A Beautiful Mind.

Anyone, according to IMDb, credited in A Beautiful Mind.

Or any of the songs on the original cast recording of Beautiful,

the Carole King musical, please.

Any Beautiful South top 40 albums up to January 2016,

the cast of A Beautiful Mind, according to IMDb,

and any songs on the original soundtrack recording of Beautiful,

-the Carole King musical. Best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

As always, you have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot is

for just one of your answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

It's that guy, the star of The Killing Fields.

Sam... I think he was...

Russell Crowe is the obvious one

from A Beautiful Mind.

This is the worst category ever.

Why did we choose it?

Do you know any Carole King... I don't know Carole...

It's just...

Beautiful, original soundtrack.

No. Beautiful South albums,

I can think of a few tracks.

Didn't they do Perfect 10?

I don't know if that would be the name of the album.

I bet they did do that.

Beautiful Mind cast.

-We'll have to go for that.

-So, Russell Crowe...

Sam Waterman, is that his name?

Sam Waterman? I don't know. Sam Shepard. Sam...

The actor in Beautiful Mind.

Who's the female lead?

Ten seconds left.

I can't remember.

Sam Waterman, then.

We can say it.

-Sam...

-Sam Waterman.

Sam O'Neill, Sam Shepard.

-OK, that is your time up, I'm afraid.

-OK.

It's always the quickest minute.

What are you going to go for?

A Beautiful Mind cast, Russell Crowe.

Beautiful South album, Perfect 10.

Perfect 10.

I think there's a guy called Sam Waterman in A Beautiful Mind.

-Sam Waterman.

-I think so.

-OK, Sam Waterman.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

Sam Waterman.

Because I've never heard of him.

That's a good start, surely.

Sam Waterman goes last.

-Least likely?

-It's probably wrong.

-Russell Crowe least likely.

-Russell Crowe we'll put first.

Perfect 10 in the middle.

Let's put those answers up on the board in that order.

We've got...

Very best of luck, that was a tricky category for you.

However, I think there's one answer there, if it's right,

that could very easily be pointless.

If that won the jackpot for you,

if any of these answers won the jackpot for you,

what are your charities? Kevin, you first.

My charity is All Dogs Matter.

It's a charity that looks after rescue dogs, abandoned dogs.

I'm a great dog lover, I've got two rescue dogs myself,

and friends of mine run this charity and it's a really good cause.

Wonderful. Jane?

I'm an ambassador for the superb Help for Heroes charity.

-So I'd like the money to go to them.

-Very well done.

Two fantastic charities there, three answers on the board.

We've got to hope at least one of those is pointless

and will win that jackpot for your charities, so very best of luck.

Your first answer was Russell Crowe.

We were looking for cast members of the film A Beautiful Mind.

This has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

For £2,500,

let's find out how many of our 100 people said Russell Crowe.

It's right.

We knew it was right, but let's see how far down the column it goes.

Russell Crowe taking us down through the 40s.

If this goes all the way down to zero you leave with...

32.

Not a bad answer.

Slightly surprising.

That's lower than I thought.

Anyway, there we are, not a pointless answer.

Two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Perfect 10.

In this case, we were looking for Beautiful South top 40 albums.

It has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

So, for £2,500, let's see how many people said Perfect 10.

No, bad luck.

Bad luck.

Again, not a pointless answer.

Which means everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

which is Sam Waterman.

Now, this is the mysterious actor who we think

-was also in A Beautiful Mind.

-Yeah.

-Let's find out.

It has to be correct and then it has to be pointless.

If it is both of those things, you leave here with £2,500 for your charities.

How many people said Sam Waterman? Is it a real person?

No! I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Well, that turned out to be a very tough category for you

and I'm afraid you didn't manage to find

that all-important pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as today's show is a charity special

and all of our celebrities are playing for nominated charities,

we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair

-for their respective charities, so there you are.

-Thank you.

It has been a really exciting show

and you've been such a big part of it,

and a really strong performance right the way across,

and you each get a Pointless trophy to take home as well.

Very well done indeed, Kevin and Jane.

That was great fun, thanks so much. It's been a lovely show.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

Beautiful South albums.

0898 was a pointless answer.

-Golddiggas, Headnodders And Pholk Songs...

-Oh, yes(!)

-Yes, of course.

Painting It Red, Superbi.

Perfect 10 was a track from Quench, which was also a pointless answer

for Beautiful South albums. Five pointless answers there.

A Beautiful Mind. The cast - Adam Goldberg.

Christopher Plummer is a pointless answer.

Josh Lucas. Judd Hirsch, more famous for Taxi.

Everyone in that film was a pointless answer,

apart from Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly,

Paul Bettany and Ed Harris. Everyone else a pointless answer.

The Carole King one is where there's loads of very well-known pointless answers.

If anyone has seen the musical or knows much about Carole King,

there are some good pointless answers here.

One Fine Day, You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling, Up On The Roof,

The Locomotion. Loads of other great songs.

Happy Days Are Here Again, It Might As Well Rain Until September,

On Broadway, Pleasant Valley Sunday, a pointless answer.

Take Good Care Of My Baby, Some Kind Of Wonderful.

Loads and loads of pointless answers there,

very well done if you got one of those and, thank you,

it has been a terrific show, it's been great fun.

Thanks, Richard. Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me - goodbye.