Comedies Pointless Celebrities

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and welcome to this special comedy edition of Pointless Celebrities,

the show where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number one.

-I'm Hugh Dennis.

I'm in Mock The Week and Outnumbered and Not Going Out,

-which you have also been in, of course.

-I have.

My name is Pauline McLynn.

I'm an incredibly pointless person and I have a feeling that, today,

I'm just going to, well, you know,

be very strong but wrong on everything.

-Strong but wrong.

-That's my plan. It's a game plan, yeah.

APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

I'm Jean Fergusson, Marina from Last Of The Summer Wine,

-the blousy blonde.

-LAUGHTER

I'm Tine Malone from Shameless and Brookside, to name but a few,

and it's probably pointless me being here.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Couple number three.

-Hello, I'm Adil Ray.

You may know me as Citizen Khan, but I don't have the beard.

It allows me to get through airports a lot easier.

And I'm with my partner, Charlie.

-We've been together how long now, Charlie?

-20 years.

20 years, that's right, yeah.

Yeah, I'm Charlie Higson, and I'm wearing his beard.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And, finally, couple number four.

I'm Vicki Michelle, probably best known for 'Allo 'Allo!

And I've just finished playing Marilyn Monroe,

who escaped from America

and has been living in Essex, as a 76-year-old grandmother.

I'm Richard Gibson.

I'm an actor and I appeared for years and years

in 'Allo 'Allo(!) with Vicki Michelle.

APPLAUSE Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll find out more about you as the show goes along.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

A true marvel of minutiae in every department except his shoe size,

it's my Pointless friend, Richard.

-APPLAUSE

-Hiya. Hey, everybody. Good evening.

-Good evening to you.

-And to you, Richard.

Now, this is going to be a very high-quality episode,

I think, of Pointless Celebrities.

Look at the track record of the people who've been on before.

Vicki's been on before, got through to the head-to-head.

And then, on podium three, we've got Adil,

who not only got through to the head-to-head,

he made it through to the final as well. He's played a jackpot.

And he's with Charlie, who not only got through to the head-to-head

and made it to the jackpot, he WON the jackpot as well.

So, very best of luck, I would say, to podiums one and two,

but I suspect it's going to be a good round, all round.

Proper old-school classic Pointless to start with.

Lovely. Thank you very much, Richard.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people

before the show.

Our celebrities here are looking for

those all-important pointless answers,

answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special,

all our celebrities are playing for a nominated charity,

we shall start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There we are.

APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

The only thing you have to remember is the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated,

so you just have to make sure you are not that high-scoring pair.

Best of luck. Our first category this evening is...

It's a Words round.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first and who's going second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Words ending "OY". Richard.

We're looking for any word which has its own entry in the British

and World English section of oxforddictionaries.com

that ends "OY".

As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words,

-anything like that. Very best of luck.

-Thank you, Richard.

-Now, Pauline, it's lovely to have you here.

-I'm delighted to be here.

-Terrified but delighted.

-You needn't be terrified.

-You need not be terrified.

-Oh, I need.

-You have written ten novels, Pauline!

-Yes, I know.

It sounds like a big lie, doesn't it?

How do you find the time to do that?

I don't know, cos I am on number 11 at the moment

-and it's going very badly indeed.

-Really?

But I think the horror of having been on this show today

-will, in fact, start me.

-Has that cleared the block?

-Yeah, I feel...

You'll now have the strength to go on, go on, go on...

-Oh, no!

-LAUGHTER

-Now, Pauline.

-Yes.

-Shall we find out if this word is a good'un?

All right. I'm going to go for "saveloy".

"Saveloy". "Saveloy".

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

That's a good answer, I think, Pauline. "Saveloy".

It's 4!

-Come on!

-An excellent start to the game. Thank you, Pauline.

-4 for saveloy.

-That's a great answer, Pauline, well done.

Very hard to be on that first podium

with these Words rounds sometimes. Yeah, a red, cured pork sausage.

Thank you, Richard.

Jean, welcome to the show. It's lovely to have you here.

Last Of The Summer Wine...

It must have been such a well-run machine.

-Everything must have been fabulous.

-It was.

Although, funnily enough, towards the end -

because I was always the one in the low-cut blouse

and the mini skirt or the shorts -

when I got, shall we say, a little bit older,

it wasn't quite the same, getting all dressed up in the morning

in a pair of little mini shorts and a very low-cut blouse!

-But we battled through.

-You battled through.

-Got on the bike and off we went.

-Into the bath, down we came.

Now, Jean, "saveloy" has gone, but there must be others.

I hope this is spelt right.

-"Hoipolloy".

-"Hoipolloy".

We hope that is spelt right. Let's see if it is.

How many of our 100 people said "hoipolloy"?

Oh, Jean!

I'm afraid that ISN'T spelt correctly.

That scores you 100 points. I'm sorry.

It may well not be the last 100-pointer in this round.

I'm sorry, Jean. It's a lovely word.

It's two words, "hoi polloi", and they both end "OI",

I'm afraid, not "OY".

-Charlie, welcome back to Pointless.

-Great for me to be here.

You've worn many hats in your Pointless appearances.

-You're wearing your comedy hat - invisible, but comedy hat.

-Yes.

Cos you do lots now.

You produce, you write, you've done wonderful adaptations...

Yeah, I write books, I write TV, I write kids' books.

-I'm actually thinking of taking on quite a big acting job.

-Ah.

Because I'd quite like to do something

where I don't have to take full responsibility.

That's true. Writing is tough.

Charlie, what would you like to go for?

I wish I had a really clever obscure word,

particularly because I'm supposed to be a writer, but I don't, really.

-I'm simply going to say "ploy".

-"Ploy".

Let's see if that gets you far down the column.

How many of our 100 people said "ploy"?

40. Tactically perfect, Charlie. APPLAUSE

-40 for "ploy".

-Yeah, a cunning plan or action - a "ploy".

Also Brummie for "play", as well.

-LAUGHTER

-No, it's not, mate!

-Shakespeare was a ploywright.

-Absolutely.

-Richard, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here.

The story always went that David Croft,

when he cast you in 'Allo 'Allo(!), he'd seen you at a wedding,

he'd overheard you telling gags at a wedding. Is that right?

Very tasteless German jokes.

And I saw him conferring with his wife

and I thought they were actually saying,

"Can we get someone to throw this person out for the tasteless jokes?"

And, actually, what they were saying was, "He can do a German accent."

And that was it? So, he came up and said, "I've got a part for you."

I can't even really do a German accent, that was the joke.

Fabulous. Richard, what would you like to go for?

I'm going to take a punt on "sepoy".

-Punt in what sense?

-Well, I THINK it's a word.

It's a kind of Indian soldier from the 19th century, would it be?

"Sepoy". Sounds good to me.

Let's see how far down the column we get with "sepoy".

It's right. Now, 4 is our lowest score so far. 40's our mid score.

You pass that.

Ooh, you pass 4 as well, down to 2 for "sepoy".

That's how you do it, Richard. Very well done indeed.

That's a terrific answer. Very well played.

And you're absolutely right with the definition.

It's an Indian soldier, but when they were serving under British

or colonial or European rulers, they were called sepoys.

Thanks. We're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores.

2, Richard, the best score of that pass.

Well done. Richard and Vicki looking very strong at this point.

Then up to 4, ditto, Pauline and Hugh,

on the back of Pauline's lovely low score at the beginning of the round.

40 is where we find Charlie and Adil. Fairly safe, I think.

Then we've go up to 100, where we find Jean and Tina.

So, Tina, a lovely low-scoring word ending "OY"

might just be enough to keep you in the game.

We'll have to see what happens in the next pass, but best of luck.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so, Vicki, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here.

Now then, 'Allo 'Allo! You toured that, didn't you?

There was a live version of it.

We went all over the country.

I think that's when we first realised how popular we were

because it was 2,000-seaters and it would be packed. It was fabulous.

We took it to Australia and New Zealand

and they loved it there.

I think we sold to about 80 countries.

-So, that must have been a bit like a holiday, really.

-Well, it was.

-Extended holiday.

-And I was working with people like Richard Gibson,

who's like a naughty schoolboy and used to do jolly japes.

-Not true!

-So true!

So we did have fun. It was a fantastic time, yeah.

Now, Vicki, you're on 2.

If you can score 97 or less, you're definitely in the next round.

Right, I think I'm going to go for "overjoy".

Let's see if "overjoy" is right and how many of our 100 people said it.

There is your red line. "Overjoy".

It's right.

-1.

-I don't believe it.

-Yes!

-The best score so far, Vicki,

taking your total up to 3. Well done.

Very well played, Vicki. "Overjoy" - an excess of joy.

There we are. Adil, welcome back.

Now, you and Charlie - Charlie gave you your first break, didn't he?

Oh, don't start! Yes, he did, he did. He did, actually, yes.

Citizen Khan appeared in a show called Bellamy's People,

which Charlie and Paul produced and directed

and very kindly gave me my chance.

And now you're doing an arena tour.

Are you going to have a huge screen above stage, I guess?

We're just going to show two episodes of the show, yes.

-That's the idea.

-You don't even need to be there, really.

-Exactly.

Adil, you're on 40.

The high-scorers still Tina and Jean on 100,

so 59 or less gets you through.

I'm going to go with "coy".

"Coy", says Adil. Here's your red line.

If you get below that with "coy",

you're in the next round.

How many of our 100 people said "coy"?

Good enough. There we are.

-Not bad.

-87 is your total. APPLAUSE

That's a couple of professional Pointless contestants. Look at that.

In a lot of ways, that's sickening, what the two of you have done there.

There we go.

-Tina, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you here.

Shameless, you mentioned earlier.

But you also have your own theatre school, don't you?

Yes...

Two of my students - one was Nicola in Girls Aloud

and another girl, at 23 years of age,

was nominated for a BAFTA.

Kerrie Hayes, who I taught from scratch.

-I just met her in a bar, so...

-Fabulous.

-Well, good for you, Tina.

-Thank you.

I'm afraid you are the high-scorers, though,

so we need a low score from you. What would you like to go for?

-I'm going to go for "boy".

-"Boy".

-B-O-Y.

-The B-O-Y.

-I'm going to be safe.

-OK, very good.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said B-O-Y, "boy".

It's right. Ooh, 86,

taking your total up to 186 there.

Yeah, that is safe. It's better than 100,

-at least that's something.

-There we are.

Hugh, welcome to the show.

-I can't believe you haven't been on Pointless before.

-No.

This fits you like a comfortable, bespoke coat.

I thought you were going to say cardigan

-and I was going to get very upset.

-No! Hugh, you started off...

Well, one of your early successes

-was as one of the voices on Spitting Image.

-Yeah.

Who were the characters you did?

They're all dead or retired now. I did Norman Lamont...

I got the Archbishop of Canterbury.

John Cole, I did, but I took over that from...

I think Chris Barrie had done that to start with.

And I did Douglas Hurd in a voice which I completely copied

from Harry Enfield, who'd done it for about six series before then.

-Now, Hugh, you're through, which is good news.

-Yeah.

-You are through.

Doesn't matter what you score here. What is your word going to be?

Well, the words I'm trying to choose between are "soy",

which I don't think many people would get, "deploy",

which could be interesting, but I'm going to go for "tallboy".

"Tallboy", says Hugh. No red line, as you're already through.

How many people said, "tallboy"? Is it right?

It's right.

-2!

-Oh, 2!

APPLAUSE

Not bad at all.

I just didn't know so many

Victorian furniture enthusiasts watched the programme.

-You'd be surprised.

-What curmudgeon said "tallboy"?

-6 is your total.

-Very well done.

-Very good answer.

An obscure piece of Victorian furniture.

That's the definition.

There's loads of good pointless answers here.

A lot of the words with "boy" on the end are not hyphenated,

so there's lots words here that people might have not risked.

Let's look at the pointless answers.

You could have had "attaboy".

"Charpoy" is, again, one of those permanent markers in Birmingham.

-You could have had...

-LAUGHTER

You could have had "corduroy" - well done if you said that.

Well done if you said any of those.

We had "ploy" and, Hugh, you were thinking of "deploy",

but "redeploy" would have been a pointless answer.

-"Teapoy" is a broken teapot.

-LAUGHTER

You also could have had ploughboy, busboy and homeboy.

Would have been a lovely one.

Let's take a look at the top-three scorers,

the ones most of our 100 people said.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. So, at the end of our first round,

the pair we have to send home, with our high score of 186,

-Tina and Jean, I'm sorry, it's you.

-OK.

Come and play again.

Sorry we're sending you away so soon, but thank you so much.

-Wonderful contestants.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

Now, we're down to three pairs and at the end of this round,

we'll have to say goodbye to another pair. Richard and Vicki, well done.

-A low score of 3!

-Fluke.

-Thank you.

-No fluke, no fluke there.

And Pauline and Hugh, 6.

And our two returning winners, 87, so there we are.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

It's Song Titles.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first, who's going second

and whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, the question concerns...

-Songs with cities in their title. Richard.

-On each board,

we're going to show you the titles of six songs

that were UK hit singles that have cities in their title,

but we have missed out those cities.

Tell us what the cities are.

Six on each board, 12 in all to have a go at home.

-Good luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

We are looking for the missing cities from these song titles

and here's our first board of six.

I'll read those one last time.

-Pauline.

-Right.

-Now, that's not too bad a selection.

It's all right, but, you know,

they all look like they might be high-scoring ones to me.

So, I think I'll go for the Marc Cohn song, Walking In Memphis.

Memphis, says Pauline. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Memphis.

It's right.

53. APPLAUSE

53, but as you say,

-they might all be high-scorers.

-Such a well-known song, isn't it?

-Only got to number 22 in the chart.

-Really?

And even Cher's cover version didn't get to top ten either.

-Wow, but it's never left the playlists, has it?

-No, absolutely.

-Now, Adil.

-Oh!

I only know the obvious one, I'm afraid

so I'll go with Tony Christie, Is This The Way To Amarillo?

Amarillo, says Adil. Let's see how many of our 100 people got Amarillo.

Oh, 83 for Amarillo.

Well, it's better than 100.

It's in the northern part of Texas, Amarillo,

so depending on where you start, that's where you've got to get to.

Right. Thank you very much.

Now, Richard...

OK, well, there's one that's very obvious,

but there's another one - In Old Amsterdam.

In Old Amsterdam. Let's find out if it's right

and how many of our 100 people said Amsterdam.

-Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

-Sorry, Vicks.

Not Amsterdam.

It's one of the other old places.

I'm afraid that scores you 100 points,

but you're not that far ahead of your nearest rivals.

Yeah, three very big scores in that round.

Slightly less redolent. This one is slightly less poetic.

-It's In Old Lisbon.

-Oh, no.

And it's a pointless answer, as you might imagine.

Now, let's fill in the rest of these. Long-haired Lover From Liverpool.

That's a big scorer.

From Paris... They're a Danish pop duo.

From Paris To Berlin by Infernal.

-And Night Boat...?

-Cairo.

-To Cairo by Madness.

Thank you, Richard. We're halfway through the round.

Let's look at the scores. 53, the best score of the pass.

Pauline and Hugh sitting pretty there.

And then 83 is where we find Adil and Charlie.

And then up to 100, where we find Richard and Vicki.

So, not that far ahead.

Vicki, a good low score from you on the next board will seal your place

in the head-to-head, so best of luck with that.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Let's put six more song titles up on the board with missing cities.

And here they come.

I shall read all of those again.

-Vicki.

-Oh!

-I know.

-I know.

-Er...

Well, I think, the only one I know

is Loco In Acapulco.

Loco In Acapulco, says Vicki. No red line for you,

as you're the high-scorers. Let's see if that's right

and how far down the column you get with Acapulco.

-It's right.

-Yes! Fabulous.

It's right. 59.

APPLAUSE 159 is your total.

You might have kept yourself in the game, Vicki.

Written by Lamont Dozier and Phil Collins, that song.

There you go. Thank you, Richard. Charlie.

Now, Charlie, you need

-to score 75 or less.

-Yeah.

There's only one on there that I know.

I'm going to have to say that one. Um... It's a rubbish one,

but I'm going to go for Viva Las Vegas.

Viva Las Vegas, says Charlie.

Here is your red line. Quite high up.

Get below that, you are through to the next round.

How many people said Las Vegas?

-Oh!

-Look at that! 83.

Well, that's nice. APPLAUSE

You have equalled Adil's score,

so you are jointly shouldering the responsibility

for your early exit there. 166 is your total.

Viva Las Vegas, another song that's not a top-ten hit.

Been a top-20 hit twice, but not a top ten.

Thanks very much, Richard. Hugh,

you're through to the next round. It doesn't matter what you score.

Hugh, talk us through this board

and fill in all the blanks.

A lot of them are sort of bluffs, I think.

Cos you want to go London Calling and Hotel California,

but California is not a city.

So, I'm going to go for London

because I think it's wrong but it sort of doesn't matter.

-Thank you.

-There we are.

London Calling by Falco. No red line, you're already through.

Let's see how many people said London.

-Well, I knew it was wrong.

-There you are.

Had it confirmed, so that's nice, you were right, as well as wrong.

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 153,

-but you are through anyway.

-Unlucky, Hugh.

Funnily, this WAS a top ten hit for Falco. It was Vienna Calling.

-I was going to say that.

-Were you? You'd have been right.

Vienna Calling. He was most famous for Rock Me Amadeus.

10 points for that. The George Ezra song?

-Budapest.

-Of course.

-Budapest.

That would have scored you 22. Stranger In...

-Moscow.

-In Moscow, yeah.

Would have scored 16.

And of course there's a city called California,

so Hotel California is the answer there. 82 points.

There we are. We're at the end of our second round.

The pair we're sending home... This wasn't in the script at all.

Charlie and Adil,

I'm afraid it's you we have to say goodbye to

-but please come back again, is all I can say.

-Will do.

Will do, with different partners, probably.

I dunno. But it's been brilliant having you on.

Thanks so much for playing. Charlie and Adil.

APPLAUSE

But for Hugh and Pauline, Richard and Vicki,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Pauline, Hugh, Richard and Vicki.

You are now one step closer to the final and a chance

to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

So, this is the point where we decide who goes through to the final

to play for that jackpot and we do it by making you go head-to-head.

But you can now start playing as teams and confer.

The first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot, so best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question and it concerns...

Film Royalty, Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures of fictional royalty.

You need to tell us the name of the film that each of these comes from.

Thanks very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five stills and here they come.

There we are. Five pictures of fictitious royal people.

Now, Pauline and Hugh, you've been our low-scorers

throughout the show so far, so you will go first. Feel free to confer.

-We're not going to be low-scorers now.

-No, I don't think.

-Believe me.

We think the Eddie Murphy movie is Coming To America.

Coming To America for C, say Pauline and Hugh.

Now then, Richard and Vicki, that board's all yours.

Do you want to talk us through all of the others?

-We think D is...

-We think D might be Frozen.

-B is Shrek.

And E could be Anastasia.

-I think it's Frozen for D, do you agree with me, Vicki?

-Yes.

-Is that what you'd like to go for?

-Yes.

-OK, D, Frozen.

So, we have C, Coming To America and D, Frozen.

Pauline and Hugh said Coming To America.

Let's see if that's right for Eddie Murphy.

It is right.

Well done. Well done. Oh, look at this.

It is right, look at that. 22. Very well done indeed.

Coming To America.

APPLAUSE

Now, Richard and Vicki, taking a bit of a punt, they think,

on D and saying Frozen.

Let's see if Frozen is right and how many of our 100 people said Frozen.

-Yep.

-Oh!

-It is unequivocally Frozen.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed, Pauline and Hugh.

After one question, you are up 1-0.

A, that everyone was having trouble with.

One of the best comedy films of all time.

-That is Prince Humperdinck from...

-The Princess Bride.

The Princess Bride, yeah. Wonderful film, if you haven't seen it.

3 points for that.

B is, of course, Princess Fiona from Shrek.

Shrek the answer there. Would have scored 69.

And E is Audrey Hepburn, of course,

but in a very early role. She won an Oscar for it,

-as Princess Ann in Roman Holiday.

-Ah.

Would have scored you 7 points.

So, Princess Bride is the best answer on that board.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. OK, here comes your second question.

Richard and Vicki, you have to win this one to stay in the game

but you get to answer it first. Best of luck.

Our second question concerns...

Only Fools And Horses, Richard.

Five clues to facts about the sitcom Only Fools And Horses.

Whoever gives us the most obscure answer wins the point.

Now, of course, I COULD read out the questions for you

but why would we do that when we've got

John Challis and Sue Holderness here to read them for you?

Hi, there, Alexander and Richard.

Yes, hello, Alexander and Richard.

Borehamwood's answer to Laurel and Hardy.

LAUGHTER

Here are five questions about Only Fools And Horses.

Number one. Who is the character to whom Del Boy says,

"Play it nice and cool, son", before falling through the bar?

That's easy, that one, isn't it?

Who are the superheroes Del and Rodney are dressed as

when they attend a wake?

-Ooh, oh, yes.

-LAUGHTER

What is the name of the tower block in which Del lived?

-Everybody knows that.

-I think they've knocked it down.

-They should have done.

-LAUGHTER

What is the name that Trigger thinks Rodney is called

in the 1983 episode Homesick?

What is the name of Rodney's dodgy friend, played by Patrick Murray?

-TOGETHER:

-Good luck!

BOYCIE LAUGHS

APPLAUSE

I'm going to read those through one last time,

just to refresh your memory.

Richard and Vicki, we come to you.

Well, I think I know the second one

and I think the comic book heroes were...

They attended a wake as Batman and Robin.

Batman and Robin, say Richard and Vicki. Batman and Robin.

Now, Hugh and Pauline, can you talk us through the rest of that board?

We think it is Rodney who he talks to.

All I can remember is falling through the bar

-cos it's such a funny moment.

-You're going to say Rodney.

So we have Batman and Robin and we have Rodney.

Richard and Vicki went for Batman and Robin.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said

those were the comic book heroes they were dressed as.

It's right.

77.

APPLAUSE

Pauline and Hugh reckon it was Rodney to whom Del Boy said,

"Play it cool, son", before falling through the bar.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

-Ooh, bad luck.

-It was Trigger, wasn't it?

-An incorrect answer.

-Bet you.

But well done, Richard and Vicki.

After two questions, you're back in the game. It's 1-1.

The answer to the first one, not Rodney.

It WAS Trigger and if you'd said that, you'd be through to the final,

because it would have scored you 47 points.

The name of the tower block? Do you know that?

-Nelson Mandela House.

-Nelson Mandela House.

-The name by which Trigger usually calls Rodney?

-Dave.

It's Dave, absolutely right.

And the name of Rodney's dodgy friend?

This is the best answer on the board and it's Mickey Pearce.

-Well done if you said that at home.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Here comes your third question. Whoever wins this,

goes through to the final and plays for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question this evening is all about...

Slang terms for police, Richard.

We're going to show you five slang terms for police,

but with alternate letters missing.

Fill in those gaps and give us the most obscure answer. Best of luck.

OK, let's reveal our five slang terms for police, with missing bits.

And here they are.

Hugh and Pauline will go first.

We think the fourth one...

-Yep.

-..is peelers.

Peelers, say Pauline and Hugh. Peelers.

-Now, Richard and Vicki, do you want to fill in all the other ones?

-Yeah.

Boys in blue.

Old Bill.

Flatfoots.

And bobbies.

-I think flatfoots, do you?

-Flatfoots.

-Flatfoots, you're going to go for. HUGH:

-And it's goodnight from us!

LAUGHTER

Now, Pauline and Hugh said peelers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said peelers.

It's right.

46. Not bad at all. 46 for peelers.

APPLAUSE

Richard and Vicki, meanwhile, have gone for flatfoots.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people got that.

-It could be wrong.

-It's right.

Come on, come on.

And it beats 46. Look at that. There it is.

24 for flatfoots. APPLAUSE

Very well done, Richard and Vicki.

It means, after three questions, you are through to the final, 2-1.

-So it's best of five, right?

-LAUGHTER

Well played. Those are the best two answers on the board,

so well played, both teams.

Peelers named after Sir Robert Peel, as was the bottom answer, bobbies.

Both named after Robert Peel. That's a bigger score though.

Would have scored 80.

Boys in blue at the top there would have scored 69.

And Old Bill would have scored you 76.

There we are. Thank you, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, is Pauline and Hugh.

You'll just have to come back and play again.

-It's been wonderful having you both here.

-Thank you.

Thank you so much. Pauline and Hugh.

APPLAUSE

But for Richard and Vicki, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Richard and Vicki. You fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities

and, at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Well done! We put you through your paces. We had Words ending "OY",

then we had missing cities from song titles, then we had film royalty,

-Only Fools And Horses...

-Police.

..and then finished off with the police. And here you are.

Now, you get to choose a category from four

that we'll put up on the board. Today's choices read like this.

-We can only have one, though, yes?

-You can only have one.

-Are you a boff at space?

-A little bit.

-OK, Space.

-I think that was probably the right...

-No responsibility there(!)

-I think that was the right answer.

-I think Richard's telling you

-he needs space, Vicki.

-Yeah, yeah.

-LAUGHTER

Three questions here. Hopefully, one of these suits you.

Three very different questions and very different areas.

We are looking for... any UK top-40 single

with the word "space" in the title, according to officialcharts.com.

That's up to January, 2016.

We're looking for anyone who's been a crew member

of the International Space Station,

anyone who's been on the 46 missions

up to the International Space Station. That ends December, 2015.

Or any actors in the original Star Trek TV show

that ran from 1966 to 1969.

Anyone who's appeared in three or more episodes

of the original Star Trek TV show. So...

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

As always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers and all you need to win that jackpot

for your charities is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Well...yes.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. Your time starts now.

-Space Oddity.

-Odyssey.

-You can speak up.

Um...

-Give Me Space... No.

-Crew of the International Space Station.

-Do you know any of those?

-No!

Everybody will know the Star Trek ones.

What about one of the old ones that landed on the moon?

That's not the International Space Station, though, is it?

Oh, OK. Actors in the original Star Trek. You've got Nimoy...

-William Shatner.

-Shatner. They're obvious.

-Who played Scotty?

Can't remember. Who played the Chinese one?

That was a different series. That was Uhura.

No, no, that was a different series, that was the new one.

You're talking about the original TV show.

And they'll ALL know those, won't they?

What about top 40 singles with "space" in the title? Oooh.

-Space Oddity.

-Ten seconds left.

-Isn't it Odyssey?

-Oddity, David Bowie.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-But there's Space Odyssey.

-That's a film.

Go on, we've got two seconds. One second.

-OK, I now need to have your three answers.

-Oh!

-OK, one of them is Space Oddity.

-Space Oddity, OK.

And that's in the category of...

-I'm trying to think of another space one.

-Top-40 hit singles.

Thank you very much. So, Space Oddity.

-Actors in Star Trek. So, we've gone Leonard...

-Limoy... Leonard Nimoy.

-Nimoy.

-Leonard Nimoy.

-And William Shatner.

-And you'll go for William Shatner.

-But they're all obvious.

-Worst answer ever given

-in the history of this programme.

-I know.

-I know, but it is tough.

Anyway, of those three answers, which is your best shot

at a pointless answer? VICKI LAUGHS

-Do you want to put Space Oddity last?

-Yes.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Toss-up between the two.

-Shall we put Shatner first?

-OK.

-I'm just guessing.

-Yeah.

You know it doesn't make any difference, that's why!

It makes little or no difference, but there we are.

Let's pop those answers on the board in that order and here they are.

We have got...

-Yes!

-We've just remembered a space song.

-Yes!

-Oh...

-Can we change it?

-No!

-Aretha Franklin.

-Oh, go on.

-What was the song? TOGETHER:

-Mr Spaceman.

-Well, let's find out at the end if that would have been pointless.

-Oh!

I'm afraid... I'm not afraid. We've got three lovely answers up there.

-I have a feeling...

-That they're not pointless.

-..they're all correct.

-Yes.

-Which charities are you playing for? Richard first.

I'm going for EIA, which is the Environmental Investigation Agency,

who are detectives and they're sort of environmental detectives

who go round investigating things like...

They started the thing about elephants and ivory.

There we are. Very good indeed. Vicki, how about you? What charity?

Wetnose charity, which supports a lot of animal charities

and the chap that was in charge recently passed away

and his wife has carried on. She was not going to carry on but she has

and they've helped so many animals, right across the board -

-dogs, horses, everything.

-Very good indeed. Two good charities there.

APPLAUSE

Let's hope that a collective amnesia descended on our 100 people.

-Can I just ask one thing?

-Yes.

Could you take that look of pity off your face?

-Please. And you.

-LAUGHTER

Your first answer was William Shatner. In this case,

we were looking for cast members of the original Star Trek TV show.

This has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot,

so for £2,500, let's see how many people said William Shatner.

It's right. Down it goes, through the 60s,

into the 50s. Into the 40s.

-46! Look at that!

-Ooh!

-Fabulous!

-There you go.

-That was good.

-APPLAUSE

-Not as bad as we thought.

Not bad at all. Unfortunately, not pointless,

which means you have two more shots at today's jackpot.

-Halfway pointless.

-Better than halfway.

Your next answer was Leonard Nimoy.

Once again, we were looking for cast members

of the original Star Trek TV show.

For £2,500, let's see how many people said Leonard Nimoy.

Down it comes. William Shatner took us down to 46.

Leonard Nimoy takes us down to...

Ooh, 48.

APPLAUSE

-I got THAT in the wrong order, didn't I?

-Only by 2!

Only one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on Space Oddity.

In this case, we were looking for top-40 singles

with the word "space" in the title.

It has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot

so, for £2,500, how many people said Space Oddity?

There you are. It's right. William Shatner scored 46,

Leonard Nimoy, 48.

Space Oddity now goes down,

passing both of those, eclipsing them.

Down it goes to 28. There we are. Not bad.

APPLAUSE

Not bad, I have to say. You did very well. You did a bold, brave thing.

Space is a tough category. It's a big subject, obviously.

There's lots of it.

And it turned to not really be the subject you were expecting,

but there we are. I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as it is a celebrity special, we're going to donate £500

to each celebrity pair for their respective charities.

We have loved having you on. You've been absolutely brilliant.

And you get to take home a Pointless trophy, so very well done.

-We've had a great time.

-Thank you!

-Wonderful. Richard and Vicki.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you, thank you.

-Thank you.

Yeah, a really high quality of contestant on today's show

and you beat allcomers, so well done.

Sometimes the jackpot round trips you up.

Unfortunately, that's what happened today.

I'll take you through pointless answers from all the categories.

Let's take a look. We'll start with top-40 singles

with "space" in the title.

A Spaceman Came Travelling - Chris de Burgh.

Of course, Disco Babes From Outer Space was a pointless answer!

Course it was! The Space Jungle by Adamski.

Wide Open Space by Mansun.

Advertising Space, Robbie Williams.

A Flock Of Seagulls, Space Age Love Song.

The Queen Of Outer Space by Wedding Present.

Lots of pointless answers out there.

The crew of the International Space Station.

Awful lot of pointless answers here.

Gennady Padalka, who's spent more days in space

than any other human in history.

Michael Foale - depending on how you define Britishness,

some people say he was the first ever Brit

on the International Space Station.

Peggy Whitson has spent more days in space than any other woman.

And Richard Garriott, whose father was also an astronaut.

Apart from Tim Peake, Chris Hadfield and Scott Kelly,

everyone else who's ever been on that space station

was a pointless answer. Well done if you knew that.

Actors in the original Star Trek TV show.

You did say, "I wonder who played Scotty."

Scotty was played by James Doohan

-and would have been a pointless answer.

-Oh.

Jeffrey Hunter, who was originally going to be

the captain of the Enterprise.

Everybody a pointless answer on that, apart from Leonard Nimoy,

William Shatner, George Takei, DeForest Kelley, Nichelle Nichols,

Walter Koenig and Majel Barrett. Everyone else a pointless answer.

Very well done if you got a pointless answer at home.

Thanks, Rich. Join us next time,

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE