1990s Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

CHEERING

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and a very warm welcome to this special '90s edition

of Pointless Celebrities,

the show where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

I'm Colin Jackson, I broke the world record in 1993

for the 110 metre hurdles, when winning my first world title.

And I'm Roger Black and I ran in the '90s,

two-time world champion and Olympic silver medallist.

Wahey! APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

I'm Rowetta, from Happy Mondays, Hacienda Classical,

lots of house tunes in the '90s...

..and that's it.

Fantastic. I'm Tony Mortimer and I was in a boyband in the '90s,

formerly from East 17.

WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Tim Vincent, I presented Blue Peter in the early '90s.

Hello, I'm Anna Ryder Richardson

and I was one of the designers on Changing Rooms.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Kirsten O'Brien, I'm a presenter,

and I started on children's BBC in the '90s.

I'm Chesney Hawkes,

you might remember a song I put out 25 years ago

called The One And Only, which I may or may not perform for you later on.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Thank you, all of you, a very warm welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you all here. We'll get to chat to each of you

throughout the show as it goes along,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Keeping Blur and Oasis off the top spot is our very own Spice Boy,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Hi, everybody.

Good evening.

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening.

This is nice and this is so our era.

-Isn't it?

-We're very comfortably at home.

A few people have played before, Tim and Kirsten, most notably.

They both got through to a final,

so they're going to be tough to beat -

but look at that podium one.

-Look at it.

-Two of Britain's greatest ever athletes -

but quite often, when we have sporting shows,

they're very competitive,

but when we have two sports people in a show against non-sportspeople,

the sports people tend to do rather well, don't they?

-By hook or by crook.

-Yeah. Very impressive indeed.

Thank you very much, Richard.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people

before the show. Our contestants here are looking

for those all-important pointless answers.

These are answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

and each of our contestants is playing for a nominated charity,

we're going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There we are. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

So remember this,

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated,

so do everything you can to keep your scores nice and low.

Very, very best of luck to all four pairs.

No conferring until we get to the head-to-head round.

Our first category this evening is...

Famous People.

Famous People. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second... THEY CONFER

..and whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Famous Phils. Richard.

Yeah, so on each board we're going to give you seven clues

to famous people called Phil, or Philip, or Philippe.

You just have to tell us who they are, please.

Seven on the first board, seven on the second,

14 in all to have a go at at home.

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

OK, so we are looking for these Famous Phils.

First board of seven reads like this...

Let me read all those again...

-Colin.

-Yeah.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back. Now, hurdles, Colin...

I can't describe to you how scared I was when I first saw hurdles.

-And I don't blame you.

-They're just terrifying.

They came up to about here on me.

They are pretty high. He would've been all right.

-He would've been fine.

-Oh, yeah.

You know, if I'd given it a go,

I probably would've beaten you, Colin, I suspect.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, but was it the same for you when you first saw a hurdle,

or was it love at first sight?

No, no, I was absolutely terrified -

but it was the only thing I was reasonably good at,

so I was encouraged to do it and I could run and I could jump,

so I thought, "You know what? Let's try and make this combination work."

It seems to work.

I occasionally could get to the end of a hurdles race,

and I could never quite believe it, it was a bit of a miracle.

GENTLE LAUGHTER Now, Colin, these Phils,

how do we like 'em?

Yeah, there's a few on there that I know,

so we're going to go all the way down

to US golfer -

and I think it's, his surname is Nicholson...

Phil Nichols, says Colin. Phil Nichols, let's see if that's right.

-Nicholson, Nicholson.

-ROWETTA:

-No, he said first answer.

-First answer!

-What was your first?

-Nichols.

-Nicholson.

-Nicholson, you said.

-Nichols...

-You said Nicholson.

-He said Nichols.

-Nicholson.

-No, he said Nichols.

-Phil... Listen, Rowetta.

-No.

No. Lucky she's not an athlete.

-I didn't hear that, I heard...

-Phil Nicholson, says Colin.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Phil Nicholson.

Ooh. ROWETTA LAUGHS

-Unfortunately.

-Serves you right.

-It's Mickelson, yeah.

And to our sportsman, as well.

I'm afraid 100 points is what you score there, Colin.

But that's exactly the sort of answer someone would give

if someone was whispering the answer to him and slightly misheard it.

-LAUGHTER ROWETTA:

-Karma.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed. Richard.

-Rowetta!

-Yes!

-Welcome.

-Thank you.

-Wow. I mean, my goodness,

talk about being at the eye of the storm,

there you are, the Happy Mondays.

-Yes.

-You were right there.

Do you remember anything about the Happy Mondays?

We're still doing it. We reformed four years ago.

-So you did.

-Yes, we're still playing now,

and we're doing all the festivals and it's great.

So are you recording new stuff, as well?

Yeah, hopefully at the end of the year,

and with The Hacienda Classical, which was also the '90s.

Tell me about The Hacienda Classical.

-We just played the Royal Albert Hall.

-I know.

It was amazing, with a 70-piece orchestra and a gospel choir,

and I finished the whole show with You've Got The Love.

It's the most beautiful experience I've ever had in singing.

-It was great.

-Real hair on the back of the neck stuff, there.

-Yeah.

Fantastic. Now, Rowetta, what would you like to go for on our board?

Well, being a United fan, I should go for that one, cos I know it.

I do know a couple of the others.

-Just...

-Yeah. Get that out!

-Going to go for Phil Neville,

the footballer who played alongside his brother Gary

-for Manchester United.

-There we are.

-There you go.

-OK, very good. Phil Neville.

Is it right? How many of our 100 people said it?

Loads.

It's right.

Well, you passed our high score the minute that drop began.

-Come on!

-45 is where you end up Rowetta, well done.

-APPLAUSE

-Get in!

United!

-RICHARD:

-Well done, Rowetta.

It won't all be Manchester United players, just so you know.

Thanks very much, Richard.

-Now, Anna.

-Yeah.

-Welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you... I could talk to you about interiors,

-we could do that.

-You could.

-But I want to ask about zoos.

-Yes.

-You took over, you bought a zoo.

I had a midlife crisis, yes.

-Eight years ago - and bought a wildlife park.

-Yeah!

You bought a wildlife...

Is there a sort of house there? Do you live on site?

There's a beautiful manor in there,

but we lived in a tiny little wooden house,

like Little House On The Prairie, but it was Little House In The Zoo,

-in the middle of the zoo, with a fence.

-Wow.

-Probably the most enclosed animals there.

-So how did it start?

Were you flicking through a magazine and you saw,

"Oh, there's a zoo for sale"?

I overheard someone talking to my husband

about perhaps investing in a zoo and I just went...

-SHE GASPS

-That's it!

-That's what I need to do.

-Wow.

My children will have to rear little baby cubs

and we'll all be running around with bare feet,

and it will be like...

Not just "bear" feet, the whole bear costume, I should think.

The whole bear thing!

We're outside all the time now, and yes, it's been really hard,

but I wouldn't change it.

That's great. Now... LAUGHTER

-Anna, the Phils.

-Yes.

-The Phils.

-The Phils.

Well, luckily, I know one -

and, actually, I kind of know him.

So, the drummer and singer who reached number two

with the single In The Air Tonight, Phil Collins.

Phil Collins, says Anna. Who you kind of know.

-That's nice, you get to drop a name as well as score a point.

-Yeah.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Phil Collins.

ANNA GASPS It's right.

Ooh...

45 is our low score. 61's where you end up with Phil Collins.

-Actually...

-Not bad. Not bad at all. APPLAUSE

Phil Collins is one of only three recording artists in history

who sold over 100 million records as a soloist AND in a band.

Isn't that amazing?

The other two being Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney.

-That's a pretty illustrious list.

-That is amazing.

-Yeah.

-Very impressive.

-Yeah.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

-Now, Chesney.

-Hello.

-Welcome. How nice to have you here.

-It's so good to be here.

-What's this?

You're going to play for us, are you, later?

Yeah, depending on if I get kicked out on the first round.

Oh, we'd better look after you. Right.

For Heaven's sake, The One And Only...!

-Yeah.

-Had you any idea that it was going to be that kind of a hit?

-It was a monster.

-No, none - but I was very young.

-I was, like, 19 when I put that out.

-Yeah.

So, you know, when you're that young, you put a record out,

you think "This is what happens".

-So...

-Did you therefore think, "I have a lifetime of number ones"?

Yes, of course. At that particular moment, yeah.

-Go in and order a smart Italian car.

-Yeah. Oh, I ordered a few.

-One for each member of the family.

-Ah!

But what a ride. It was from a film, wasn't it?

Yes, I starred in a film with Roger Daltrey called Buddy's Song.

-Yeah.

-Back then, yeah. So that was a good... Good fun.

-You're now based in LA?

-Yes, I moved there, like, four years ago now.

And you're songwriting, you're producing...

Yes, that's what I do. I develop young artists.

They come in the studio

and, you know, I kind of write and produce for different people.

-I do my own stuff, as well.

-Yeah.

-I'm still touring, so yeah.

That's really exciting. Very good.

Chesney, you're the last person to have this board.

If you wanted to you, could go through it

and fill in all those unanswered ones.

Well, actually I'm going to go for the Buzzcocks,

cos I've actually been on that show,

and go for Phill Jupitus.

Phill Jupitus, says Chesney.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Phill Jupitus.

It's right.

Well, 45 still our low score... till now.

Look at that. Looking very good for The One And Only later.

APPLAUSE 38 is where you end up.

Very well played. Used to be a press officer for The Housemartins,

Phill Jupitus. Now, let's fill in the rest of this board.

The golfer, Roger, I wonder if you know who the golfer is.

I thought he said Phil Mickelson.

-I thought it was...

-Phil Mickelson is the right answer.

Weird that, that you would, in your head... It's the M and the N.

-ROWETTA:

-Close.

-It's almost like it's been whispered to you.

-LAUGHTER

-13 points for that.

The chef?

-Er, Phil Vickery.

-Phil Vickery.

Would've scored you 19 points.

-The poet?

-Philip Larkin.

Philip Larkin, he's the best answer on the board, 12 points for that.

-And the actor?

-Is Philip Glenister.

Philip Glenister, yeah.

And he would've scored you 25.

Thank you very much indeed.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

38. Well done, Chesney.

38, the lowest score of the pass.

-Very happy.

-I think we will see you in Round Two at this rate.

Then 45 is where we find Rowetta and Tony.

61 is where we find Anna and Tim, and then 100, Colin.

I know, I know.

Roger, anything could happen in the next pass.

We just need a low score from you to begin the game.

I may not even get to answer!

We'll see. Anyway, very best of luck

with finding that low-scoring Phil.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more Phil clues up on the board, and here they are.

We have got...

I'm going to read all of those one last time...

-There we are. Kirsten, welcome back.

-Thanks.

Good to have you here. Now, you started,

-as you said, on children's television...

-Yes.

-..in the '90s.

-You were up at Tyne Tees.

-Very originally, yeah.

-Yeah.

I left university and I started work experience up at Tyne Tees

-on the news.

-What was your department in the news?

I was just the person that rang the coastguard every hour, going -

-"Anything happened?"

-Really? LAUGHTER

-"We're looking for a story."

-I was very lowly at that point, yes.

-But anyway, then on you went, SMart was your big thing.

-Yeah.

-The art show.

-Yeah.

So I've now got a four-year-old and a house crammed full of art stuff

that I'm just waiting to inflict on him.

-Just brilliant.

-Yeah.

He's a bit rubbish at the minute. He'll get good.

KIRSTEN LAUGHS He'll get it, he'll get it.

-He'd better.

-Yes!

-That glitter's not going anywhere.

And also, you're doing comedy now.

Well, yeah. I started doing stand-up,

and then I had my son and didn't feel funny any more,

-so I've stopped for a bit of a rest at the minute...

-Yeah.

-..but, yeah.

-But you'll go back to that, presumably.

Hopefully, yeah. It just sort of challenges the brain a bit, yeah.

Absolutely. Anyway, listen, you're on 38.

That means 61 or less at this stage

-sees you cleanly through to the next round.

-OK.

-Go, Kirsten.

I'm going to go for the author one, His Dark Materials.

I hope I've got this right and I've not blundered,

but I think it's Philip Pullman.

Philip Pullman, says Kirsten. And here's your red line.

If you get below that with Philip Pullman,

you're into Round Two. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Pullman.

It's absolutely right...

..and you're through, very well done.

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh...

25 is your total.

APPLAUSE

Taking your total up to 63.

THEY LAUGH

That's a strong team there on podium four, isn't it?

Yeah, Northern Lights, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spy Glass.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Tim.

Welcome... Tim looks younger than when I last saw him.

-LAUGHTER

-Yes, I know.

-I mean...

Is there a picture of Tim Vincent somewhere in an attic

-that's getting much, much older?

-Just call me Dorian.

-Tim, back in the days of Blue Peter, when you were there...

-Yes.

..you got to do all sorts of things.

-Yes.

-You went up to in a Tornado...

-Yes.

-Amazing things. What was your stand-out favourite?

Everybody always thinks the action adventure things

-are the most scary things to do on that show...

-Yeah.

..but actually, the scariest things are doing the make items,

where you've got eight cameras and you have to make something

-for three and a half minutes. It's like QVC now.

-Yeah.

You have to talk consistently in an animated way.

You're now a huge star in the States,

very recognisable face over there, thanks to Access Hollywood.

-Yeah.

-How long have you been doing that?

I've been doing it for 11 years, I used to live in the States,

I'm back in London now, so they send me off to Cannes,

or wherever it is, and interview the stars.

-You see, that's fun.

-It is - but the way it works now,

-you usually get four minutes with Tom Cruise...

-I see...

..three and a half minutes are taken up with him talking,

and then you get another question in.

But it is fun, very glamorous.

Very nice. Tim, what would you like to go for?

You're on 61, the highest scorers are still Roger and Colin.

So yes, 38 or less is your target.

I was going to go for Pullman,

er, but I think I'm going to do a side-line,

and go for something that I don't think anybody will know,

or very few people will know -

but I'm not sure how to pronounce it.

It's the founding member and lead singer of Thin Lizzy.

-Yes.

-It's Lynot, or L-Y-N-O-T.

Lynot? Something like that. But that's what I'm going for.

-Phil Lynot.

-Lynot.

-Phil Lynot. Let's see.

-Not phonetically, but...

There we are. That's good enough.

There is your red line, let's see if Phil Lynot is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

You're through.

Look at that! Very good. APPLAUSE

You saved it.

32 is your score, 93 is your total.

Very well played, Tim. Yeah, Phil LIE-not, Phil LYN-not.

-Which would you say?

-I think...

Definitely LYN-not. He's an old friend of my dad's.

-Lynott.

-Yes.

-He's a friend of your dad's?

-Yes.

-And what's the official word?

-LYN-not.

-Lynott?

-Lynott, yeah.

I've always said LIE-nott. Bit that... I know nothing.

Phil Lynott.

Listen, if Chesney Hawkes says it's Lynott, then it's Lynott.

LAUGHTER

OK, there we are. Thank you very much.

Now then, Tony.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you...

Very good to have you here again.

-Now, East 17...

-Yeah.

How did that come about? Were you put together?

No, not at all. We all went to school together.

Aw, that's nice. It was an organic band.

Yeah, and I got the idea from a band

-that was called New Kids On The Block...

-Yeah.

..and I thought, I thought we could do a better version,

because you're young, you've got confidence,

you think crazy things at that age.

So how long before it sort of took off, then? You were mates at school.

We was mates at school, and then you'd sort of put an idea together

and finding the name of the band and stuff -

but once it got rolling, it went quick,

because I always thought there was a hole in the market at that point

for such a thing, cos New Kids had disappeared,

and then there was this big rave thing happening

with all these lovely people,

and I thought there was a hole in the market for a boyband.

Whoever was going to fit into that was just going to go...

-MAKES CRACKLING SOUND And it did.

-Yeah.

Christmas number ones... Extraordinary. Extraordinary group.

Yeah, crazy times...

And you're sort of still performing, aren't you? Without Brian.

Yeah, I still perform.

I just do solo stuff now and write the odd album and stuff -

but I've calmed down, I don't do much now.

-It's not the '90s. I can't do it like that any more.

-No.

THEY LAUGH

Now, Tony, you're on 45,

which means 54 or less gets you into the next round.

OK. I'm going to go... My dad was a keen darts player,

so I'm going to go with Phil "The Power" Taylor.

Taylor. OK, here is your red line.

If you can get below this with Taylor,

you are through to Round Two.

Let's see how many people went for Phil "The Power" Taylor.

-It's right.

-Ooh...

-Yes.

-Yes!

-You stay with us.

I'm afraid Roger and Colin, less good news. 40 is your score.

APPLAUSE

-We've taken all your answers!

-85 is your total.

-Come on!

Well played, Tony. 16 world titles for Phil "The Power" Taylor.

He came on this show, didn't he? I beat him at darts, didn't I?

-Yeah.

-We had a game of lowest score wins,

-cos it was Pointless, and I undercut him.

-Yeah.

-Furious.

-He was...

Ooh, his dressing room was just in pieces, wasn't it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Ah...

-Awful.

LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed. Roger...

-I've been here before.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER Terrible deja vu.

-Kriss Akabusi last time.

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

It's Roger with hurdlers, is obviously...

-Don't bother with hurdlers.

-Oh... Dear, oh, dear.

-Now, Roger, you have 400 metres and 4X400 metres relay.

-Yes.

-Of the two...

-Yes.

-which did you prefer?

Oh, um, well,

ultimately the 400 metres was the most important,

cos that was your event, but I loved the relay.

-Yeah.

-I was always happy in a relay.

If you said, "Go out and run now, individually, or in a team",

I'd run the relay every day.

A bit more pressure, I guess, with the relay...

There's pressure, cos you didn't want to let down the others,

but also you had others around you, so it was fun -

and we're still great mates,

and celebrating the 25th anniversary of being world champions together,

so you can share it forever.

-That team, or series of teams...

-Yeah.

-..unbelievable.

Championship after championship,

they would, you'd come up trumps against all the odds and it was...

You had people like Phil Brown running extraordinary last legs.

It's just amazing.

-What memories.

-Yeah.

-Imagine actually being in that race.

I know. You didn't get to see it, cos you were just...

It was really good. You should watch it.

It would be lovely to be in a Pointless race, actually, one day.

LAUGHTER

Now, Roger, I'm afraid,

I'm afraid the writing's on the wall even before...

The writing is on the wall, isn't it?

..but that board is all yours. If you felt like going through.

I can't actually help out that much, actually,

because they were the ones I knew.

Phillip Schofield is the television presenter.

I don't know the French high wire artist

and I don't know the writer of science fiction.

The lead singer of Human League,

but I don't know if I've got his name absolutely right.

-Have a crack at it.

-It's like a Mickelson-Nicholson one, really.

It's Phil Oakley.

-Phil Oakley? Oakley.

-Well, it's like that, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-I mean...

-Shall we say that for fun? I mean...

-To even things up.

-Is that your final answer?

-Why not?

-No L.

-No L.

-Yeah.

Happy Christmas to you, too.

LAUGHTER

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Phil Oakley.

-No red line for you, as you're the highest scorers.

-Yeah.

Bad luck.

Do you know, the thing about athletes is we were good at running.

We were terrible at English and spelling.

-Terrible at spelling.

-I'm afraid that scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to a nice even 200, though.

I told you, whenever you have sportspeople on the show,

they just... No, hold on a minute.

-LAUGHTER

-No, Oakey.

-Oakey.

Oakey, I'm afraid.

It would've been a good score, though. 17...

It was the right one to go for,

cos you knew Phillip Schofield, but it's a bigger scorer.

That would've scored you 58.

The other two are good answers.

The writer of science fiction novels...

-Philip K Dick.

-And that would've scored you 12.

This is a pointless answer, this last one.

-I'm going to guess it's Philippe.

-It is Philippe.

If you've ever watched, there's a documentary called Man On Wire,

which is about this thing, it's unbelievable.

It's so brilliant, this documentary.

You must watch it. Man On Wire, it's called.

And he's called Philippe Petit.

-FRENCH ACCENT

-Zero point. Nil point for Philippe.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So we are at the end of our first round

and the pair we have to say goodbye to, I'm so sorry, Roger and Colin.

Now I've got to go and rub your names off the trophy.

-It's just ridiculous.

-Rub away.

Yeah. It's been great having you here, albeit brief,

but please come and play again.

-Roger and Colin, brilliant. Thanks so much.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Right, for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

And so we have dispatched one of our pairs.

-Aw.

-That's just the cruel world of Pointless I'm afraid.

We have to say goodbye to another pair after this round.

Chesney and Kirsten, teachers pets over there.

Well done. Lovely low score.

Kirsten, lowest score of the round with Philip Pullman.

-Was it?

-Yeah, very good indeed.

Well done, everyone. We made it through our Philips round.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is.

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Capital cities that begin with any of these letters,

B, I, G, T, O, W or N. Richard.

Yes, simply looking for the capital of any country of the world

beginning with one of those seven letters, please. As always,

by country we mean a sovereign state

that's a member of the UN in its own right.

Thank you very much indeed. So, Rowetta.

Yes.

Yes...

How are you on your capital cities?

I'm OK, as long as they don't begin with B, I, G, T, O, W or N.

LAUGHTER

Yeah.

Oh, I want to say one risky, but, oh...

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-What should I do?

-I'm going to go safe. Safe.

-Do whatever you want...

-Berlin.

-Ooh.

-Berlin.

Berlin. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Berlin.

-It's right.

-Brilliant.

-It's not too bad.

-Oh.

-Yeah!

-Not too bad.

APPLAUSE 52. This is not bad, Rowetta.

I was going to... Oh, I'm not saying what I was going to say.

It's got the most zoo animals in the world of any city, Berlin.

There you go. OK.

-Anna.

-Now...

-Yes.

-..the way I got to mine

was for a second I thought they ALL had to be in the word.

-Agh!

-I know!

-That would be something, wouldn't it?

So now I'm thinking, should I maybe not use that?

They just have to begin with one of those.

I know that now.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

-Erm, I'm going to say it anyway.

-Yeah?

-I'm sorry, Tim.

-Go on.

It's Bridgetown.

-Bridgetown, says Anna.

-Do you see how I got that?

-I know.

-I see what you did there.

-They are all in there.

-They are.

But then lots of people might have done that.

That's just impressive.

Is it right, though?

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Bridgetown.

It's right.

52 is our only score at this point.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh...

-Yeah!

-Look at that!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-That's mad!

-One.

-That's bonkers.

-Anna Ryder Richardson, that is superb.

One for Bridgetown.

Capital of Barbados, Bridgetown.

That's where I'd open a zoo if I was going to open a zoo.

-Oh, yes.

-Yeah.

-Barbados.

-Yeah.

-That would be nice, wouldn't it?

-Yeah.

-My kind of zoo. Now, Kirsten.

-Yes.

Kirsten.

THEY LAUGH

Our champion low scorers.

-Oh... Not this time.

-Oh, no.

I have potential for egg on my face here, cos I'm half Norwegian.

ALEXANDER GASPS

So I'm going to go Oslo.

-Oslo.

-Yeah.

Oslo.

Let us see how many of our 100 people went for Oslo.

It's right.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh...

Not bad. 35 for Oslo.

There we are! Superb. APPLAUSE

Oh, gosh.

Yeah, absolutely well done. Capital city of Norway.

Lovely. Well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a quick look at those scores.

-One, look at that, one for Bridgetown.

-Wow.

-Superb.

APPLAUSE

Anna and Tim,

I think you might make it through to the head-to-head.

I don't know, but at this stage

it looks like Kirsten and Chesney might also.

It's looking very good for that performance of The One And Only.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

-Very...

-I'd better start practising.

-Yeah. Rowetta...

-I know.

Listen, you're not far ahead, but you are ahead.

Tony, get thinking of a nice low-scoring answer

-and that might keep you in the game.

-OK.

-Good luck with that.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, now, Chesney, remember, it's capital cities.

Any capital cities that begin with one of these letters...

I'm pretty stumped on this one.

Erm, I'm going to go for Niger.

Niger. Or "Ni-gere".

OK, well, let's see if that's right.

There is a red line for you. It's quite low.

Should you get below that, you are straight through to Round Three.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Niger.

-Oh!

-Sorry.

Bad luck. It may not be the last of those.

It may not. That scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 135.

-Yeah, it's a country, I'm afraid, not a capital city...

-Yeah.

-..but it begins with N.

-Yeah, true.

The alphabet stuff is much better than Roger and Colin.

-Thanks for that.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Tim.

-Well...

Here's the good news, you're in the head-to-head.

It does not matter what you score.

Even if you scored 100 points,

-you wouldn't overtake the high-scorers.

-OK, well...

OK, are you ready?

-Yeah.

-I'm going to go for Washington State.

Washington State.

Tim, Washington State. Well, let's see what happens when we say...

There's no red line, it doesn't matter, you're through anyway.

-OK.

-This is a formality.

Let's see how many people said Washington State. Is it right?

-Oh!

-No, I'm sorry, Tim.

That scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 101,

but you're through anyway. It's fine.

Again, great work with the initial.

-Thank you.

-I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now then, Tony.

There you are on 52.

The high-scorers on 135 are Chesney and Kirsten.

82 or less keeps you in the game.

-OK.

-No pressure.

-There's no pressure at all.

-Come on.

I've got two, but I don't know if they're the capitals.

-So...

-Oh.

I'm going to go the one that I think is more likely to be a capital.

Geneva.

-Geneva.

-Yeah.

-Says Tony.

Geneva.

Here is your red line. It's nice and high.

ALEXANDER GASPS

Could be a performance of The One And Only

hanging in the balance here.

Geneva. Is it right?

Is it a capital city? How many people said it, if it is?

-Oh!

-Oh, no, Tony.

-Oh, yes, Chesney and Kirsten.

-Nice place, though.

Oh, no, Tony and Rowetta. I'm afraid...

I would've said Washington without the State.

..takes your total to 152.

-Let's send a message to the Swiss, shall we?

-Yes.

Unlucky, capital of Switzerland...

-That's what I was going to go for!

-..it would've been a great answer.

-Bern would've been the correct answer.

-That was the risky one.

-Three points, that would've scored...

-That's my risky one.

Washington, of course Washington DC, rather than Washington State.

Washington would've scored you 58 points.

It would've been a big scorer - and Niger,

the capital of Niger is Niamey, which was a pointless answer,

-actually, because it begins with N, as well.

-It was...

A terrific second pass, everybody.

Very, very well done. Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

Well done if you said any of these...

Regular Pointless viewers would've got a few of these...

Guatemala City, that's Guatemala.

Nassau, which is the Bahamas.

There's Niamey, which is Niger.

Tegucigalpa, which is Honduras.

Tehran, which is Iran.

Thimphu, which is Bhutan.

And Windhoek, which is Namibia.

You also could've had Baku,

Azerbaijan, you could've had Bishkek,

you could've had Bissau, Brazzaville, Bujumbura,

all sorts of pointless answers there.

Let's take a look at the top three scorers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

We've heard all of the top answers. 58 for Washington DC.

Thanks very much, Richard. So at the end of our second round,

I'm so sorry, Tony and Rowetta, we have to say goodbye to you.

-Thank you.

-Such a treat having you here.

Thank you so much for playing, Tony and Rowetta.

CHEERING

But for Anna and Tim, Chesney and Kirsten,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Anna and Tim, Chesney and Kirsten.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

This is the bit where we decide who goes through to the final

to play for that jackpot, and we do it by making you go head-to-head.

Basically you can start playing as a team now.

You can chat before you give your answers,

and the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

Who knows what's going to happen?

It's going to be very close, I suspect.

Anyway, best of luck to both pairs. Let's play head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here is your first question - and it concerns...

-Ooh, no.

-Christ's sake...

-Richard.

-We're going to show you five pictures now

of fictional TV doctors.

Can you tell us the name of these characters, please?

Thank you very much - and here they come.

We have got...

And...

There we are. Five doctors from television.

What are their names?

Anna and Tim, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.

-Too risky.

-We know three.

-I only know one.

It's Tim, he knows.

-I think we should go for E, cos it's safe, for now.

-No!

-Well, I'm not...

-OK! Do, then.

-Ooh!

-And...

Watson.

-You're going to say Dr Watson.

-Yes.

-Dr Watson, say Anna and Tim.

So, for E.

Now then, Chesney and Kirsten, that board is all yours.

Do you want to talk us through these doctors? Pretend doctors?

We're in a real pickle, cos we think that's Scully at the top,

but we don't remember her being a doctor.

-Yeah.

-So it could be her in something else.

Not a clue who that dude is.

-Can't remember what George's character's name was.

-No.

-So we're going for C.

-Yeah.

-Geller.

-Dr Geller.

-Dr Ross Geller.

-Dr Ross Geller.

So we have John Watson and we have Ross Geller.

Anna and Tim said Dr Watson.

Let's see if that's right for E. Let's see how many

-of our 100 people said it.

-Everybody.

ANNA LAUGHS

-It's right.

-Oh.

-49.

-Ooh...

-APPLAUSE

49. Now, Chesney and Kirsten have gone for Ross Geller,

for C. Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Dr Geller.

It's right.

Wow!

What about... Wow! 25, there's a surprise result.

APPLAUSE

Dr Ross Geller wins the point for you,

which means it's looking very good for The One And Only later -

and after one question, Chesney and Kirsten are up 1-0.

Very well played. A is Agent Scully, Dana Scully, she's a doctor.

Erm, 53 points for that, though. Biggest scorer.

B is Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory.

Would've scored you 30, played by Jim Parsons.

And the best answer is George Clooney's character in ER.

-It feels like the sort of answer you should know...

-Yeah.

..but I couldn't bring it to mind. It's Doug Ross.

-Wow!

-Would've scored you six points.

Well done if you said that.

There we are.

Well, here comes your second question.

Anna and Tim, you have to win this one.

But Chesney and Kirsten get to answer it first, so good luck.

Our second question today is all about...

LAUGHTER

-Do animals talk?

-Animal Sayings.

We're going to show you some clues now to sayings

that involve the words of animals.

We're also going to give you alternate letters of those sayings.

Can you give us the most obscure of these, please?

OK, let's reveal our five animal sayings,

and here they are...

Let me read those again...

Chesney and Kirsten, you'll go first.

We know quite a few of them, actually.

-Yeah.

-Can't quite work out that top one, but...

-No.

-Shall we go for the bottom one?

-Do you want to go...? OK.

OK, so we're going to go for final performance

or activity of a person's career.

-Er, swan song.

-Swan song, say Chesney and Kirsten.

Now then, Anna and Tim, it's over to you.

-Talk us through the board.

-Well, we know them all.

-We do, actually.

We're trying to work out which one other people would know the least.

-Yeah. So, let's do it. Crocodile tears.

-Ah!

-Red herring.

Guinea pig.

And as the crow flies.

-So...

-So which one's the least used phrase now?

Red herring or as the crow flies.

-Let's go for red herring.

-Let's do it.

-Red herring, please.

-OK. Red herring, say Anna and Tim.

We have swan song and we have red herring.

Now, Chesney and Kirsten went for swan song at the bottom there.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

What chance has it got?

-Ooh...

-Ooh!

APPLAUSE 62 for swan song.

ALEXANDER MUTTERS

-Anna and Tim, meanwhile, have gone for red herring.

-Yes.

Let's see if that amounts to anything, or if it's just a thing.

A thing.

It... Ooh!

APPLAUSE 80 for red herring, which means...

-Ah!

-Aw...

You ARE The One And Only! What about that? After only two questions.

I've never heard that before!

Chesney and Kirsten, you're going through to the final.

-2-0. Very well done.

-Yeah, very well done.

As the crow flies would've seen you win the points.

As the crow flies would've scored you 51.

Um, guinea pig is the biggest answer.

Guinea pig would've scored you 85...

..and crocodile tears also would've won you the point,

-it's the best answer on the board.

-No.

-Yeah, 43 points.

-Ridiculous.

-There we are. Well, thank you very much.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

it's our low scorers, Anna and Tim.

-I'm so sorry.

-We enjoyed ourselves.

Well, so did we. It's been lovely having you on.

Please come and play again - but meantime, thank you so much.

-Anna and Tim.

-Aw...

-APPLAUSE

Do you want us to sing now?

But for Chesney and Kirsten, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Look at that! Congratulations, Chesney and Kirsten.

You have wrestled your opponents to the floor

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your charities.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at...

APPLAUSE

Well, that was seemingly effortless.

In you came, every round,

I don't think you were challenged at all at any point, were you?

My heart rate is increasing.

I thought I would relax into it, but I'm more tense now.

That's because you're late for your train.

Listen, we'll get you home, don't you worry, love.

So you get to choose your category in this final round

from the four we put up on the board,

so let's hope there's something up there

that you both like the look of. Today's selection reads like this.

I'm going to...

-Do you know what? Any of these.

-No, don't say that!

Shall we go for Dreams, because we don't know what it is?

Just because we have no idea.

-Yeah, that's a good plan.

-You're going to go for Dreams?

Brilliant! Follow them.

OK, very best of luck. Three very different questions here.

Hopefully one of these will suit you.

We are looking for the name of any studio album by REM.

Rapid eye movement, when you dream.

We are looking for the name of any cast member

of the film Field Of Dreams, according to IMDb.

Or we are looking for the name of any mortal

in A Midsummer Night's Dream, Shakespeare's play.

So any studio album by REM,

anyone who acted in Field Of Dreams,

or any mortal in A Midsummer Night's Dream.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

As always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that jackpot

is for just one of your answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

-I think so...

-No! What are you going to do?

I don't know. I'm going to put 60 seconds up on the clock.

60 seconds are going up on the clock, whether you like it or not.

Your time starts now.

-We're conferring now?

-Yes.

In 60 seconds, though.

Did you say Automatic For The People?

Automatic For The People, I know one REM.

Field Of Dreams. Kevin Costner film.

Is it?

I can't remember the other cast members.

Maybe Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, I think.

Or was that Bull Durham?

That could be Bull Durham.

Midsummer Night's Dream.

I can only think of Puck.

I don't think he's mortal.

I don't think he was mortal.

You know what? The studio albums by REM,

everyone's going to know Automatic For The People,

-but I can't think of any other albums.

-I can't.

REM.

-Oh, gosh.

-It's a tough one.

This is where you blank when the timer's in.

We've got three answers, anyway.

We'll have to go with Puck.

Yeah, but Puck, I don't think is mortal.

All right, do you want to go for another of your cast

in Field Of Dreams?

No, I don't, because I'm not sure

if it really was Field Of Dreams.

OK, I'm afraid that's your minute up.

I'm so sorry. What are your three answers?

REM, the album is Automatic For The People.

Automatic For The People.

Cast of Field Of Dreams, we have to go for Kevin Costner,

-because I can't remember the others.

-OK.

-Kevin Costner.

-Yes, Kevin Costner.

And we're going to go for Puck,

-because we can't think of any others.

-And Puck.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

I'd say REM, would you?

-Yeah.

-Automatic For The People goes last.

Least likely to be pointless?

-Kevin Costner.

-OK, well,

let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are.

We have got Kevin Costner,

we've got Puck, and we've got Automatic For The People.

Very best of luck. Now, three good answers on the board.

One of those might be pointless,

might win the jackpot for your charities.

What charities are you playing for? Chesney, you first.

-I'm going for Missing People.

-OK. Kirsten, how about you?

-Teesside Hospice.

-Very good.

Two excellent charities there.

Let's hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for those charities.

Your first answer was Kevin Costner.

In this case, we were looking for the cast members of Field Of Dreams.

It has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot,

so let's find out for £2,500, how many people said Kevin Costner.

-Well, it's right.

-Good!

All it has to do is go down to 0, and you will leave with that jackpot

for your charities. Kevin Costner now takes us down...

to 33.

Not a bad score, but I'm afraid not a pointless answer,

which means we have to move on to your next answer, which was Puck.

In this case, we were looking for mortals

from A Midsummer Night's Dream.

If it is pointless, it will win you £2,500.

Let's see how many people said Puck. Is it right?

No! As you guessed, not a mortal, I'm afraid,

which means it's all riding on the third and final answer,

which is Automatic For The People.

Now, in this case, we were looking for REM studio albums.

It has to be right, which we're pretty sure it is.

It then has to be pointless.

If it is that, it will win you £2,500 for your charities.

How many people said Automatic For The People?

Well, it's right. Your first answer,

Kevin Costner, took us all the way down to 33.

Puck, your second answer, was incorrect.

Automatic For The People passes 33.

Down we go into single figures. Still going down.

-Oh, 5!

-Oh!

-Good score, though.

That's a great score.

Fabulous score there.

Sadly, though, you didn't manage to find

that all-important pointless answer,

-so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

-OK.

However, as today's show is a celebrity special,

we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair for their charities,

-so there we are.

-Wonderful.

-It's been fabulous having you on.

Well done winning a second trophy, Kirsten -

and you get a Pointless trophy as well, Chesney.

Great to have you here. Thanks very much, Chesney and Kirsten.

Yes, unlucky. Very, very well played.

Lots and lots of those REM albums are pointless.

I know you will have some of these at home.

Some brilliant albums here. Let's start with REM.

All brilliant albums. I recommend all of those.

Also Around The Sun, Collapse Into Now, Green, a terrific album by REM.

New Adventures In Hi-Fi, Reckoning, Reveal, and Up.

All of those were pointless answers.

Out Of Time was the biggest scorer there.

Cast of Field Of Dreams.

I cannot watch this film without crying.

Even reading these names is going to set me off.

Everybody apart from Kevin Costner, Ray Liotta, and James Earl Jones.

Everybody else was a pointless answer.

Mortals in A Midsummer Night's Dream.

You also could have had Francis Flute.

Very well done if you got any of those at home,

and unlucky in the studio.

-That was fun, wasn't it?

-That WAS fun.

Sorry not to see the jackpot taken.

Yeah. Thanks, Richard. Thank you so much, Chesney and Kirsten.

It's been wonderful having you here, and very, very well done indeed.

Chesney and Kirsten!

Join us next time when we will be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me -

but before we go, singing us out with The One And Only,

it's Chesney Hawkes.

# I am the one and only. #

OK, let me see your hands in the air, come on.

# Call me, call me by my name

# Or call me by my number

# Put me through

# I'll still be doing it the way I do it

# And yet you try to make me forget

# Who I really am

# Don't tell me, I know best

# I'm not the same as all the rest

# I am the one and only

# Nobody I'd rather be

# I am the one and only

# You can't take that away from me

# I can't wear this uniform

# Without some compromises

# Because you'll find out that we come

# In different shapes and sizes

# No-one can be myself like I can

# For this job, I'm the best man

# And while this may be true,

# You are the one and only you

# I am the one and only

# Nobody I'd rather be

# I am the one and only

# You can't take that away from me

# I am the one and only (The one and only)

# Nobody I'd rather be

# I am the one and only (The one and only)

# You can't take that away from me. #

APPLAUSE

Thank you!