Comedians Pointless Celebrities


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Comedians

Alexander Armstrong hosts a comedians special, with Sarah Millican, Gary Delaney, Jack Carroll, Terry Alderton, Lee Hurst, Arthur Smith, Helen Lederer and Cariad Lloyd.


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APPLAUSE

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Thank you very much indeed.

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Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome

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to this special comedians edition of Pointless Celebrities,

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the show that makes big winners out of the lowest scorers.

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Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

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And couple number one.

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I'm Helen Lederer and I've written a funny book

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and I'm thrilled to be here with my very close friend.

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I'm Cariad, I'm a comedian and an improviser

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and I'm also very excited to be here with legend, Helen Lederer.

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-Legend. Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

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Couple number two.

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Hi, I'm Jack. I'm a stand-up comedian and actor,

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and that sort of thing.

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And I'm Terry Alderton and I'm Jack's dad.

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-What?!

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Couple number three.

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Hello, my name's Gary Delaney, I'm a comic,

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and I'm currently doing a tour

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which has got a joke about Pointless in it,

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about how in Round Three, the stands look like giant robot owls.

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You'll see what I mean when we get to that point.

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And if I get knocked out

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before getting to stand on the giant robot owls,

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I'm going to be absolutely gutted.

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I'm Sarah Millican and I'm a comedian, according to some.

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APPLAUSE

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And finally, couple number four.

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My name's Lee Hurst and I'm a comedian

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as well as many of the other people here tonight.

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I'm Arthur Smith, semi-professional comedian

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and the hipster guru of a new treatment known as mindlessness.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Thanks very much, all of you. A very warm welcome to Pointless.

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It's lovely as ever to have you here. We'll get to chat

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to each of you throughout the show as it goes along.

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But that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

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He likes to do his stand-up sitting down.

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It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

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-Hiya. Hi, everybody.

-APPLAUSE

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Good evening.

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Good evening to you.

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-Good evening to you.

-This has got long show written all over it.

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Don't you think? We've got some absolute legends of Pointless,

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people who have come back who have done unbelievably well.

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Helen there got all the way through to Round One...

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Terry's been on before,

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he got all the way through to Round One as well.

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Arthur actually got all the way through to Round Two,

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-so he's very much...

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-..the star of the piece.

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So, yeah, it should be an absolute cracker today, I think.

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Round One... Round One is not going to cause too much trouble.

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Round One is one of those things, just...

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I don't think anyone's going to have too much trouble with it.

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There'll be stuff everyone can answer.

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Round Two will put you through your paces a little bit more.

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-OK.

-Ooh, hello.

-Oh, and then, the robotic owls!

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-Then the giant robotic owls.

-GARY CHEERS

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Oh, it's going to be fun.

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HE HOOTS AND GROWLS

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There we are, thank you very much. As usual, all of today's questions

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have been put to 100 people before the show.

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Our contestants here are on the hunt

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for those all-important pointless answers.

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These are answers that none of our 100 people gave.

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Find one of those and we'll add 250 quid to the jackpot.

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Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

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and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

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we're going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

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There we are.

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Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

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So, here's the only thing you have to remember -

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the pair with the highest score

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at the end of each round will be eliminated.

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The pair with the highest score.

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So, do everything you can to make sure your scores are low.

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Very best of luck to all four pairs.

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Our first category of today...

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..is...

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Places. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

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who's going to go second?

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And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

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OK, and the question concerns...

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-Shared place names, Richard?

-Yeah, on each board, we're going

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to show you seven descriptions of two places that share a name.

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You just have to give us the most obscure answer you can, please.

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There's going to be seven on the first board, seven on the second,

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so 14 in all to have a go at at home. Very best of luck.

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Thanks very much indeed.

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So, let's reveal our first set of clues, and here they come.

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We've got...

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There we go. I'll read that one last time.

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Now, Cariad, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here.

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Now, improv is your thing.

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-That is the realm of comedy you are here to represent.

-Yeah.

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-The ambassador from improv.

-They sent me, the council sent me.

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How do you do that? I have to say, improv,

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I take my hat off to anybody who can do that,

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because it always just seems so immaculately polished.

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-It can be! Sometimes.

-Do you have tricks?

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I mean, do you have little things,

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little sleights of brain?

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No, you just... You practise not blocking people.

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So you always have to build, you must never disagree with someone?

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Yeah, you "Yes, and", so you have to practise agreeing,

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which some people find hard.

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Do you think that nobody has any control at all, and it's just...?

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It's a sort of chaos theory

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and everyone's just a bit surprised by where it goes?

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No, because you're telling it. So the show I do, Austentatious,

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which is improvised Jane Austen, so you're telling a story,

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so that's what's driving it, the story structure.

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Right. So, you know what the structure is?

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-I can get really boring!

-No, I see what you mean.

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So, you don't know it, but if we're telling a story and you think,

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"Oh, well, that should happen next, that's the obvious thing to happen,"

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-that's what you're hoping for.

-Very good. You've just made it sound

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even more difficult! I thought you were going to make it sound

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-just a little bit less terrifying.

-No, it's very hard.

-It is hard.

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-It is hard!

-Yeah. Good. Good, well done! Anyway, there you are.

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-Sorry, eventually, we read through this board.

-No, it's fine.

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How do you like it?

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I don't like it at all.

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But I think I can answer some of them.

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I think I'm going to go for the Scottish city -

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Perth.

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-Perth?

-Yeah.

-Perth, says Cariad. Let's see if it's right.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Perth.

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-It is right. Phew.

-Oh, thank God!

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Oh!

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44, not bad.

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Gets us off to a good start, Cariad.

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Very well done, 44 for Perth.

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Well played, Cariad.

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One of those cities has 3,000 hours of sunshine a year and 19 beaches.

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I'll just look up which one it is... I can't find it.

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Thanks very much, Richard. Terry, welcome back to Pointless.

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-Thank you very much.

-Round One last time.

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-Nice to be back!

-You've been setting your sights

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-on Round Two for this one, haven't you?

-Hopefully.

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Very exciting! Now, you've toured all over the place.

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-I have.

-You've done shows in India, Australia...

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been on Wikipedia, haven't you?

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Yes, I have. Do you...

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Do you do the same set, or do you have a...?

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If you fly into Delhi, do you pull the Indian set out?

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Well, judging by some of the looks I'm getting,

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that "set" is quite loosely based. I don't really have a set.

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I kind of have a lot of islands to get to, shall we say?

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-Material, do you have...?

-Well, material's debatable, but...

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Yeah, I haven't got an act, so...

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I'm... I haven't... Should I just go?

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-You've been found out.

-I was found out a long time ago.

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I've blagged it up to this point. Now at least I'm on Pointless!

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-Hello, excuse the pun.

-Now, Terry, what would you like here?

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Perth, obviously, is now gone.

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-Yes, it has.

-What would you like to go for on this board?

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Er, well, one of them, I'm definitely sure on,

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but that's not going to be a good gamble to go for,

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to try and get less points, if that makes any sense on this show.

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So, I'm going to go with the Middle Eastern country.

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And I'm thinking it's Georgia.

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Georgia, says Terry. Let's see if that's right.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Georgia.

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Oh! Oh, Terry.

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Oh, Terry. Well, you've got form at least.

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Good grouping, in terms of your past Pointless form.

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-100 points there, Terry.

-Sorry.

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Yeah, not Georgia, I'm afraid.

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I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.

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Sarah, welcome to Pointless.

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-Hi.

-Lovely to have you here.

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-Nice to be here.

-Sarah, you were a civil servant up to the age of 29?

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-Oh. Yeah.

-And then just blossomed into comedy.

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Oh, blossomed! That's nice, isn't it?

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I thought I was a bit old to blossom at 29.

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But what was the thing? What made you leave the world,

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-leave the job?

-Oh, erm, I got divorced.

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So I just got on a stage and told loads of, sort of, stories

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about my ex-husband. Which people laughed at, thank God!

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And then I was able to leave the civil service.

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Oh, so, yes, you kept them both going, obviously, for a bit.

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Oh, for a while. Oh, you have to. Yeah, yeah.

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Because you don't get paid for ages in stand-up,

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-while you're learning your craft.

-Yes.

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-But you learnt it well!

-Well, thanks very much.

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You're so flattering!

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Can I have a better board?

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Yes, you can. Erm, I'm afraid you can't.

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-But, look, there are six.

-There's one that I definitely know,

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but I don't know whether to be safe or stupid.

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I'm going to be safe and I'm going to say

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-the home to the Eiffel Tower is Paris.

-Paris.

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It's stupid, but it's...

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Paris, OK. Well, let's see how many of our 100 people went for Paris.

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-88.

-It's not 100!

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It's better than 100.

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It's better than 100, Sarah.

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88 for Paris.

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That is 12 short of 100.

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Every year, the Eiffel Tower lift travels over 100,000 kilometres.

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More than twice around the world.

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It doesn't actually go around the world, but it travels that distance.

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-Up and down the Eiffel Tower.

-Up and down the Eiffel Tower.

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There you are. Thank you, Richard.

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Arthur, welcome back to Pointless.

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It is one of the greatest moments of my life to be here.

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Well, it is lovely for us. It really is lovely to have you here.

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Yeah, no, it's great.

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Tell me about Are You Being Served?

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Oh, yes, I am in the new sitcom, in the pilot version,

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maybe that'll be the only one, of Are You Being Served, playing...

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Some of you will remember him, from the audience,

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Arthur English played the part originally.

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Yeah, I'm sort of like the cockney bloke

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who works downstairs and doesn't have nothing to do

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with Mrs Slocombe's cat.

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LAUGHTER

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Now, Arthur, you'll forgive me

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if I say I think that you're a sort of senior statesmen

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-of comedy.

-Yes, well, as such...

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And I did geography O-level, so, you know, I do know me geography.

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So, I know, I reckon, all those...

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I'm not entirely sure of the first one, though, but I think...

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Is it Lebanon, the top one?

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The third one,

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that's the one I reckon I'm going to go for, is Waterloo.

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Just to be... I'm not sure about that first one.

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Waterloo. Let's see how many of our 100 people went with that.

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Look at that, not bad. 39.

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Best score of the round so far, Arthur,

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-Very well done, 39 for Waterloo.

-Very well played, Arthur.

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That's where the BlackBerry Corporation are - Waterloo, Ontario.

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Let's go through these. Now, you would have gone for Lebanon,

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-you think, for the top one?

-Yeah.

-I definitely would have.

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Yeah, nice try, Terry.

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It is Lebanon, that is the correct answer.

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Would have been a better score

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as well, would have scored you 35 points.

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The area of Los Angeles?

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-CARIAD:

-It's Beverly Hills, isn't it?

-It is Beverly Hills.

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-Yes!

-Yup, 12 points for that.

-Oh, my God!

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I thought everyone would know that!

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The good news with this one is, if you half know them, you know them.

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The capital city of Greece is Athens, of course,

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that's where REM are from as well.

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73 points for that.

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And the Russian city is Moscow.

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Although I bet they call it "Moss-cow" in America.

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And that would have scored you 65.

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-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Pleasure.

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Well, we're halfway through the round, so let's take a look

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at those scores. 39, the best score of that pass.

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Very well done, Arthur. Arthur and Lee,

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looking very strong contenders for Round Two at this juncture.

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As indeed are Cariad and Helen

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there on the first podium.

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88 is where we find Sarah and Gary.

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But Terry and Jack,

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not that far ahead of you on 100.

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But, Jack, a low score from you will keep you in the game.

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-Right, let's hope!

-Good luck with that.

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We're going to come back down the line now.

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Can the second players please step up to the podium?

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OK, let's put seven more pairs of cities up on the board,

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and here they are.

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I'm going to read those all again.

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Lee, welcome to Pointless. Good to have you.

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Now, Lee, you started out doing warm up, didn't you?

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I did. I did many TV shows.

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Back in the '90s, that was. First one was Red Dwarf.

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I got that because Hattie Hayridge gave me a call,

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because apparently they were going through one a week.

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-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-And then you stuck?

-Well, no,

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I turned up, and I think I did the last three, and then from there,

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it kind of... The floor managers get to know you,

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and they just spin you from one show to another.

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And then, you leapt into They Think It's All Over, is that right?

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Yeah, I actually... Ironically, I did the warm up

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for the original pilot of that.

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And it didn't quite work as a show, so they shelved it,

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and then I was brought back to play...

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Like, a dry-run pilot, you know,

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when there's just, like, about 30 people watching it,

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and I came along and I thought,

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"Oh, good, you know, I'll get paid during the day."

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For a comedian to earn 100 quid in the daytime, excellent, you know?

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And after the second time we did it, the producer, Harry Thompson, said,

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"I actually want you on the show, but nobody knows who you are.

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"I've got a real fight on my hands." And he obviously fought hard,

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and they put me on the show when it came back.

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Brilliant. Now, if you can score 60 or less,

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you will remain in the game for sure.

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Right. I don't know a lot of these.

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I can play it safe, I suppose, can't I? I'm going to go for...

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..er, Aberdeen, for the Scottish city known as the Granite City,

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-area of Hong Kong.

-Aberdeen says Lee.

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Here is your red line. If you get below that with Aberdeen,

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you're through to the next round.

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Let's how many of our 100 people said Aberdeen.

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It's right.

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Look at that, through you go. Very well done.

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38 for Aberdeen.

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Taking your total up to 77.

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Very well played, Lee.

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Yeah, Aberdeen in Hong Kong has got an Abba shopping centre as well.

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-It's just called Abba.

-It's called Abba? Oh, I see. Right, yeah.

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-Whoa!

-You thought it had an Abba shopping centre?

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I thought it might have had an Abba shopping centre.

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-It would be a bit boring...

-It would be a bit limited.

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-Yeah.

-What happens in the floating village?

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What happens in the floating village

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stays in the floating village, I'm afraid. I can't tell you.

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LAUGHTER

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As it should. Gary, welcome to Pointless.

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-Good to have you.

-Hello, Xander.

-Now, how, honestly,

0:16:190:16:22

does the husband and wife thing work

0:16:220:16:23

when you're both in exactly the same industry?

0:16:230:16:26

I mean, not just different areas of the same industry,

0:16:260:16:28

the same bit of the same industry.

0:16:280:16:30

Well, broadly, we've got different senses of humour,

0:16:300:16:33

so obviously we keep the tours separate and whatnot.

0:16:330:16:36

But if something funny happens at home...

0:16:360:16:38

Like, we just got a little dog and he's actually in the dressing room,

0:16:380:16:41

too, he's a lovely little thing.

0:16:410:16:43

And I was taking him for a walk a few months back,

0:16:430:16:45

and as I was leaving the house, Sarah said "Don't forget poo bags,"

0:16:450:16:49

because I had to take the poo bags.

0:16:490:16:50

And I thought, "Well, that's great. That sounds ideal for a pun."

0:16:500:16:53

So I spun that off into a joke,

0:16:530:16:54

and the joke became I went around Grandad's to walk his dog.

0:16:540:16:58

As I was leaving the house, he said, "Don't forget poo bags."

0:16:580:17:00

I was like, "All right, Gran, you can come as well."

0:17:000:17:03

That's how it works, and basically Sarah just relates the stupid things

0:17:050:17:08

-that I've done, which there's plenty of.

-Yeah.

0:17:080:17:10

I can get a good hour and a half out of that.

0:17:100:17:12

-So that's how it works.

-Gary, 88.

-Yeah.

-Ideally,

0:17:140:17:17

you'd be scoring 11 or less to be sure of a place in the next round.

0:17:170:17:20

Well, I've set my target on the robot owls, and also,

0:17:200:17:23

I'll have to take all the flak on drive home if I get this wrong.

0:17:230:17:26

So I'm going to go for the Yorkshire town

0:17:260:17:30

that gives its name to a high street bank - Halifax.

0:17:300:17:33

Halifax says Gary.

0:17:330:17:34

Here's your red line. It's quite low.

0:17:340:17:36

If you can get near it, at least, you should be in with a good shout.

0:17:360:17:40

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Halifax.

0:17:400:17:43

-WHISPERS:

-Come on...

0:17:430:17:44

It's right.

0:17:450:17:46

Not bad, 45.

0:17:490:17:50

45 takes your total up to 133.

0:17:500:17:53

Well played, Gary. In the context of this round, not a bad score at all.

0:17:550:17:58

They've had a continuously running market in Halifax,

0:17:580:18:00

Nova Scotia since 1750.

0:18:000:18:02

Continuously running, what, every Saturday or every day?

0:18:020:18:05

-Everyday, 24 hours a day, it doesn't stop.

-It doesn't stop.

0:18:050:18:08

Thanks very much. Jack, welcome to Pointless.

0:18:090:18:12

-Hello, it's good to be here.

-Lovely to have you.

0:18:120:18:14

Now, Jack, what was your in into comedy? How did you get started?

0:18:140:18:17

Into comedy, well, I did a set

0:18:170:18:20

at my parents' silver wedding anniversary party

0:18:200:18:24

when I was, like, 11 years old.

0:18:240:18:25

And my uncle put that on YouTube, and that sort of got shared round,

0:18:250:18:29

and then a few other things happened and, yeah, here I am.

0:18:290:18:34

And here you are. But you did Britain's Got Talent.

0:18:340:18:36

-Yes.

-And I have to say that is... I mean, that's gutsy.

0:18:360:18:39

Well, I'm not quite as...

0:18:390:18:41

I'm was not quite as nervous for that as I am for this.

0:18:410:18:43

It seems awfully easy to play Pointless

0:18:430:18:46

when you're literally an armchair contestant,

0:18:460:18:49

but, like, now, the harsh reality of it has set in,

0:18:490:18:53

-so I'm hoping I do all right.

-I'm hoping you do all right.

0:18:530:18:55

Now, 133 is our high score,

0:18:550:18:58

which means 32 or less ideally.

0:18:580:19:00

Right, OK. Could I go for the West Midlands city, please?

0:19:000:19:05

And that is, er,

0:19:050:19:07

Birmingham, Alabama.

0:19:070:19:08

Birmingham, Alabama.

0:19:080:19:10

Birmingham, Alabama says Jack.

0:19:100:19:12

Let's see if that's right. Here is your red line.

0:19:120:19:14

Be nice if that were a bit higher, but let's see.

0:19:140:19:16

Birmingham, Alabama, let's see if you can get below that with that.

0:19:160:19:19

How many of our 100 people said it, Birmingham, Alabama?

0:19:190:19:22

Oh, 69.

0:19:260:19:28

69 takes your total up to 169.

0:19:310:19:34

Look at Gary Delaney pretending not to be delighted there!

0:19:340:19:38

That's my people as well, the Brummies, so...

0:19:380:19:40

They have a pen museum in Birmingham.

0:19:400:19:42

They used to make all pens in the world, virtually, in Birmingham.

0:19:420:19:44

In the 19th century, they said 75%

0:19:440:19:46

of everything written in the 19th century

0:19:460:19:48

was written with a Birmingham pen.

0:19:480:19:50

-GARY:

-And so few of it by us.

0:19:500:19:51

Thanks very much, Richard.

0:19:530:19:55

-Helen, welcome back to Pointless.

-Yes, thank you.

0:19:550:19:59

Now, Helen, you're writing a book at the moment I gather.

0:19:590:20:01

-It's my second book. Yeah, a comedy book.

-Only your second book?

0:20:010:20:05

You have to sit down a lot to write,

0:20:050:20:07

so it's quite nice to just move around, stretch my legs here.

0:20:070:20:11

-Yeah!

-Do you sit on a ball?

0:20:110:20:13

No, I should... Ball! I should do the ball.

0:20:130:20:16

I love writing. And I'm even more excited because I'm last,

0:20:160:20:21

because obviously I knew all those other answers.

0:20:210:20:24

This is... Obviously, you hear this every time, don't you?

0:20:240:20:28

-Yes.

-So I'm second from the bottom...

0:20:280:20:30

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-And the answer is...

0:20:310:20:34

-..Boston.

-Boston says Helen. Let's see how many of our 100 people

0:20:340:20:37

said Boston. There's no red line for you because you're already through,

0:20:370:20:40

but how many people said it?

0:20:400:20:42

It's right.

0:20:430:20:44

37, very well done indeed.

0:20:480:20:50

37 is in fact...

0:20:500:20:52

When he paused, I was like, "Oh..."

0:20:520:20:53

..the lowest score of the whole round,

0:20:530:20:55

so very, very well done indeed.

0:20:550:20:57

-81 is your total.

-Well played, Helen.

0:20:570:20:59

The American one was named after the Lincolnshire one,

0:20:590:21:02

directly named after it.

0:21:020:21:03

37 points. Now, the rest of this board.

0:21:030:21:05

The best answer on the board is right at the top there.

0:21:050:21:07

-Is it Odessa?

-It is Odessa, yeah.

0:21:070:21:09

The Odessa Steps, four points for that.

0:21:090:21:12

-The Australian city...

-Sydney.

-..is Sydney.

0:21:120:21:14

That would have scored you 82.

0:21:140:21:16

Now this bottom one, the host of the 2012 Summer Olympics.

0:21:160:21:18

-A testing one, isn't it?

-London is the answer,

0:21:180:21:21

but what do you think it scored?

0:21:210:21:22

I would hope 96.

0:21:220:21:25

Ooh...

0:21:250:21:26

58.

0:21:260:21:28

-SHOCKED MURMURS

-What?

-58 points.

-What?

0:21:280:21:31

-ARTHUR:

-Where is London, anyway?

0:21:310:21:33

-Thank you, Richard.

-Pleasure.

0:21:350:21:36

Well, we've come to the end of our first round,

0:21:360:21:38

which means we have to say goodbye to one of the pairs in front of me,

0:21:380:21:40

-and I'm very, very sorry to say, Terry and Jack...

-My fault.

0:21:400:21:43

..it is you. Shall I tell you about Round Two?

0:21:430:21:45

-You can tell it, laddie.

-Oh, it's a glorious place.

0:21:450:21:48

I bet it's lovely.

0:21:480:21:49

-Sounds fantastic.

-Terry, Jack, it's been lovely having you.

0:21:500:21:53

-Thank for having us!

-Thanks so much, Terry and Jack.

0:21:530:21:56

APPLAUSE

0:21:560:21:57

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

0:21:590:22:02

And so, suddenly, we're down to three pairs.

0:22:060:22:08

And at the end of this round, we'll have to say goodbye to another pair.

0:22:080:22:11

Well, very well done, Helen, our lowest individual scorer there.

0:22:110:22:15

Good work, Helen. And Lee and Arthur, our lowest combined score.

0:22:150:22:18

Very well done indeed.

0:22:180:22:20

And Sarah and Gary, just well done.

0:22:200:22:21

-We'll take that.

-Lovely having you here.

-On still being married.

0:22:210:22:25

-Yeah, absolutely.

-And best of luck to all three pairs.

0:22:250:22:28

Our category for Round Two today is...

0:22:280:22:30

It's a Words round. Can you all decide in your pairs

0:22:320:22:34

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

0:22:340:22:37

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

0:22:370:22:40

OK, let's find out what the question is.

0:22:420:22:44

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

0:22:440:22:49

..as they could. O-U-R.

0:22:520:22:55

Yeah, we're looking for any word in the British and World English

0:22:550:22:58

section of oxforddictionaries.com, please, that ends in O-U-R.

0:22:580:23:01

As always, no proper nouns,

0:23:010:23:02

no hyphenated words, anything like that.

0:23:020:23:05

-Very best of luck.

-I'm going to think of one.

0:23:050:23:07

I've got a little thought in my head of what you're going to say.

0:23:070:23:09

-OK.

-And I'm writing it down.

-In which case, I'm going to change it.

0:23:090:23:12

Thanks very much indeed. Now then, Cariad, words ending O-U-R.

0:23:140:23:18

OK, yeah, I can think of...

0:23:180:23:20

I've got some.

0:23:200:23:22

Do I have to just say one, sorry?

0:23:220:23:24

-Yes.

-Yes, OK.

-Just the one.

-OK.

0:23:240:23:26

Erm, I'm going to go for devour.

0:23:260:23:30

-Devour.

-Yeah.

-Devour says Cariad.

0:23:300:23:32

You got a little "Hmm!"

0:23:320:23:35

-"Devour, says Cariad," it sounds good, doesn't it?

-Brilliant.

0:23:350:23:37

Let's see how many of our 100 people said devour.

0:23:370:23:40

-Ooh!

-Excellent.

0:23:450:23:47

17 for devour, very well done.

0:23:500:23:52

Well played, Cariad. It's to eat hungrily or quickly - to devour.

0:23:550:23:59

Thank you very much, Richard.

0:23:590:24:00

-Gary.

-Hello.

0:24:000:24:03

Gary, words ending O-U-R.

0:24:030:24:06

-Succour.

-Ooh!

0:24:060:24:07

-Succour?

-Yeah.

-OK, succour says Gary. Let's see if it's right.

0:24:090:24:13

Let's see how many of our 100 people said succour.

0:24:130:24:15

It's right.

0:24:180:24:19

17's our only score so far.

0:24:190:24:20

2 for succour!

0:24:250:24:26

-Smack!

-Very well done, indeed.

0:24:260:24:28

Yeah, to provide assistance and support, as in,

0:24:320:24:34

"The giant robotic owls provided succour for Gary."

0:24:340:24:37

Aw!

0:24:370:24:39

Thank you very much indeed.

0:24:390:24:41

Now, Arthur.

0:24:410:24:43

Yes. I think I might do one that people just wouldn't have done

0:24:430:24:46

cos it's too short.

0:24:460:24:47

I'll go for dour.

0:24:470:24:49

Dour? Let's see if that's right. I mean, we know it's right.

0:24:490:24:53

Let's see how many of our 100 people said dour.

0:24:530:24:55

Well, 17 is the high score, 2 is the low.

0:25:000:25:02

Oh, 31.

0:25:020:25:05

31 for dour.

0:25:050:25:06

Relentlessly stern or gloomy, dour.

0:25:080:25:11

Thank you very much, Richard. Well, we're halfway through the round,

0:25:110:25:14

so let's just have a quick look at those scores.

0:25:140:25:16

Gary and Sarah, look at that, 2.

0:25:160:25:18

No arguing with that.

0:25:180:25:19

The owls beckon, is all I'm saying.

0:25:190:25:22

17 is where we find Cariad and Helen,

0:25:220:25:24

and then 31, Arthur and Lee.

0:25:240:25:26

I mean, anything could happen in the next pass, Lee,

0:25:260:25:28

but we definitely need a low score from you.

0:25:280:25:30

So good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

0:25:300:25:32

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

0:25:320:25:35

OK, so Lee, yes, a word ending in O-U-R.

0:25:380:25:42

I'm going to go for glamour.

0:25:420:25:45

Glamour says Lee.

0:25:450:25:47

-Let's see how many of our...

-You always go for glamour!

0:25:470:25:49

Thank you, Arthur.

0:25:490:25:51

Glamour. No red line for you as you're the high scorers.

0:25:510:25:53

How far down the column will we get?

0:25:530:25:55

4 for glamour.

0:26:050:26:07

Very well done indeed.

0:26:070:26:09

35 is your total.

0:26:090:26:11

Given yourself chance there, Lee, well played. Yeah, it's a magazine.

0:26:110:26:15

LAUGHTER

0:26:150:26:17

-Sarah.

-Hi.

-Sarah, ideally you'd score 32 or less.

0:26:190:26:23

I'm going to go with splendour.

0:26:240:26:26

Splendour. Oh, you get the buzz as well.

0:26:260:26:29

-I do!

-Oh, that's nice.

0:26:290:26:30

There's your red line. Get below that with splendour

0:26:300:26:33

and it'll be splendid. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

0:26:330:26:36

Well done!

0:26:420:26:44

Oh, it's 2.

0:26:450:26:47

You've equalled Gary's score.

0:26:470:26:48

Look at that! Fabulous. A total of 4, very well done.

0:26:480:26:52

That's nice, isn't it? Two each. That's very, very impressive.

0:26:520:26:55

You two should form a crime-fighting duo called Succour and Splendour.

0:26:550:26:58

Thanks very much. Now, Helen.

0:27:010:27:03

Well, obviously, I had all of those, we know that.

0:27:030:27:07

Now, 17 is what you've got, 17 is also your target.

0:27:070:27:10

-17 or less.

-OK.

0:27:100:27:12

May I suggest fervour?

0:27:120:27:14

Fervour. Fervour.

0:27:140:27:16

Was there a buzz? Was there a buzz there?

0:27:160:27:18

Here's your red line. There was buzz, there was buzz.

0:27:180:27:20

Here's your red line. If you can get below this with fervour,

0:27:200:27:22

you are into the head-to-head.

0:27:220:27:24

-LEE:

-Are you sure she said...?

0:27:240:27:25

Did she not say further, a completely wrong word?

0:27:250:27:27

-Actually, I didn't.

-You did not? Are you sure?

-I did not.

0:27:270:27:30

-Can we play that back?

-No!

0:27:300:27:32

Let's see how many of our 100 people said fervour.

0:27:320:27:35

Oh, look at that!

0:27:440:27:45

Oh, and it's pointless! CHEERING

0:27:450:27:49

It's a pointless answer,

0:27:490:27:50

which means it adds £250 to today's jackpot,

0:27:500:27:53

takes the total up to £2,750.

0:27:530:27:55

It scores you nothing, sees you into the head-to-head,

0:27:550:27:58

and earns you a pat on the back. Well done, you, Helen.

0:27:580:28:00

Fervour, brilliant. 17 is your total.

0:28:000:28:02

Great work. There's some very big pointless answers,

0:28:020:28:04

actually in this round. Now, have you got an answer?

0:28:040:28:07

-Yes.

-What's your answer?

0:28:070:28:09

-Troubadour.

-Oh!

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:28:090:28:12

Oh, they like that, don't they?

0:28:120:28:14

-Oh, that was good buzz, wasn't it?

-I did not predict troubadour.

-Oh?

0:28:140:28:17

I'll admit. Troubadour...

0:28:170:28:18

-Yeah.

-Pointless answer.

0:28:180:28:20

Oh, good. APPLAUSE

0:28:200:28:22

-ARTHUR:

-Dang! I rejected troubadour for dour,

0:28:220:28:27

which makes me dour.

0:28:270:28:29

Now, there's some very, very well-known words

0:28:310:28:33

amongst these pointless answers. Let's take a look at a few of them.

0:28:330:28:36

All of these would have added £250 to the jackpot.

0:28:360:28:38

Parkour, which is, you know, the free running.

0:28:440:28:47

Perfervour, although fervour itself was a pointless answer anyway.

0:28:470:28:52

Troubadour, very well done. Vapour also a pointless answer.

0:28:520:28:54

Watercolour, a Pointless answer too.

0:28:540:28:56

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

0:28:560:28:58

The ones that most of our 100 people said when we asked them online.

0:28:580:29:01

Flour - 54.

0:29:010:29:03

Hour - 57

0:29:030:29:06

And sour, up the top on 60.

0:29:060:29:08

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

0:29:080:29:09

So the end of our second round, the pair we have to say goodbye to,

0:29:090:29:12

with not that high a score, but it is the highest score, 35.

0:29:120:29:16

Lee and Arthur, I'm so sorry to say goodbye to you.

0:29:160:29:18

It's probably for the best because at our combined age,

0:29:180:29:21

our knees are starting to go.

0:29:210:29:22

LAUGHTER

0:29:220:29:24

Please come back and play again. It's been lovely having you here.

0:29:240:29:27

Lee and Arthur, thanks so much.

0:29:270:29:29

APPLAUSE

0:29:290:29:30

But for Sarah and Gary, Cariad and Helen,

0:29:320:29:34

it's now time for our head-to-head.

0:29:340:29:36

Congratulations, Cariad and Helen, Sarah and Gary,

0:29:390:29:42

you are now one step closer to the final

0:29:420:29:44

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

0:29:440:29:46

which currently stands at £2,750.

0:29:460:29:48

Well, this is the point where we decide who goes through to the final

0:29:520:29:55

to play for that jackpot and we do it by making you go head-to-head.

0:29:550:29:58

But the big difference is you're now allowed to confer.

0:29:580:30:00

So you can chat before you give your answers,

0:30:000:30:02

and the first pair to win two questions

0:30:020:30:04

will be playing for that jackpot.

0:30:040:30:05

You've made it to the giant robot owls!

0:30:050:30:08

This is everything I've ever dreamed of. This is excellent.

0:30:080:30:10

Me and my wife are riding a giant robot owl on Pointless!

0:30:100:30:13

This is just a fantastic, happy thing!

0:30:130:30:15

Gary, would you like me to take a photograph?

0:30:150:30:17

I would absolutely love that, yes.

0:30:170:30:19

That would be amazing!

0:30:190:30:20

-One for the album.

-Smile.

0:30:200:30:21

-Lovely!

-And then can I be in one?

0:30:210:30:23

Aww!

0:30:230:30:24

-You can go in the middle.

-I'll go in the middle.

0:30:260:30:28

Cos you're the mack daddy.

0:30:280:30:30

LAUGHTER

0:30:300:30:32

Ah, that's lovely.

0:30:320:30:34

Can I also say - other cameras are available.

0:30:340:30:36

LAUGHTER

0:30:360:30:37

-Beautiful.

-There we are.

0:30:380:30:41

Let's play the head-to-head.

0:30:410:30:43

APPLAUSE

0:30:430:30:45

Here is your first question and it concerns...

0:30:490:30:53

Tabloid History. Richard.

0:30:550:30:57

We're going to show you five tabloid-style headlines now

0:30:570:30:59

about events in history.

0:30:590:31:00

You just need to tell us the century

0:31:000:31:02

in which these things occurred, please.

0:31:020:31:04

OK, so in which century might these tabloid headlines have been written?

0:31:040:31:09

And here they are. We've got...

0:31:090:31:11

These are very good headlines.

0:31:240:31:26

-LAUGHING:

-Thank you.

0:31:260:31:27

There we go. So then, Cariad and Helen,

0:31:390:31:42

you've been our low scorers, so you will go first.

0:31:420:31:45

-Oh, good.

-You've got your pick of these headlines.

0:31:450:31:48

I'm just trying to think what one would be the least...

0:31:480:31:51

I know three of them definitely.

0:31:510:31:54

OK, go for C, 1666.

0:31:560:31:59

-OK, C.

-So that would be the 17th century.

0:31:590:32:01

Oh, nicely done. 1666, 17th century.

0:32:010:32:05

Very good. Sarah and Gary, all those headlines are yours.

0:32:050:32:08

Do you want to talk us through them?

0:32:080:32:09

We think that the boat is Titanic,

0:32:090:32:11

-and that was 1912, so the 20th century.

-Yeah.

0:32:110:32:14

And you know the last one.

0:32:140:32:15

Well, the arrow in the eye was Bayeux Tapestry, 1066, wasn't it?

0:32:150:32:20

It's probably less than Titanic, so shall we go for that?

0:32:200:32:22

Yeah. I think we should go with Harold.

0:32:220:32:24

Yeah, let's go for that, then. So E on 1066, 11th century.

0:32:240:32:27

OK, E, 1066.

0:32:270:32:29

So we have 1666, 1066.

0:32:290:32:31

Cariad and Helen went for 1666 for C.

0:32:310:32:33

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

0:32:330:32:36

It's right.

0:32:380:32:39

-Ooh.

-47.

0:32:420:32:44

APPLAUSE

0:32:440:32:46

47 for the 17th century.

0:32:460:32:48

Now then, Sarah and Gary have gone for 1066 for E.

0:32:480:32:51

Let's see if that's right.

0:32:510:32:52

Let's see how many of our 100 people said 1066.

0:32:520:32:54

It's right.

0:32:580:32:59

-And 62. There we are.

-Well done.

0:33:000:33:02

APPLAUSE

0:33:020:33:03

Very well done, Cariad and Helen. After one question, you're up 1-0.

0:33:030:33:07

Very well played.

0:33:070:33:08

Now let's fill in these top two.

0:33:080:33:10

The top one is the Battle of Agincourt, 1415.

0:33:100:33:14

Would have scored you 21 points.

0:33:140:33:16

-The second one...

-This is Henry II.

0:33:160:33:19

-It is Henry II.

-Seeing off Becket.

0:33:190:33:21

12...?

0:33:220:33:24

-Are you asking me or telling me?

-Er...

0:33:240:33:27

VAGUELY: 12? LAUGHTER

0:33:270:33:29

-12...12...

-12 or 12th?

0:33:290:33:31

12th...

0:33:310:33:33

-The 12th century.

-..century.

0:33:330:33:35

So you think it's 1170.

0:33:350:33:38

Yes!

0:33:380:33:39

-You are right. You are right.

-Oh, phew.

-It is 1170.

0:33:390:33:41

-And that would have scored you five.

-Good.

0:33:410:33:44

And the "unsinkable" boat sinks...

0:33:440:33:46

-20th century.

-Yeah, 1912.

0:33:460:33:48

And 91 points for that, as you would hope.

0:33:480:33:53

Good. Good.

0:33:530:33:54

Well done, our 100 people. Here comes your second question.

0:33:540:33:57

Now then, Sarah and Gary, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

0:33:570:34:00

-But you get to answer it first, which is nice.

-Yeah.

0:34:000:34:02

Our second question today is all about...

0:34:020:34:04

-LAUGHTER

-Oh, wow! That's quite niche.

0:34:070:34:08

Oh, well, we all researched him beforehand, so that's easy.

0:34:080:34:11

It's five clues now to facts about Christopher Biggins.

0:34:110:34:14

The most obscure answer wins the point.

0:34:140:34:16

OK, so let's reveal our five clues to facts about Christopher Biggins.

0:34:160:34:19

And here they are. We have...

0:34:190:34:21

I'll read those all again.

0:34:350:34:37

Now then, Sarah and Gary.

0:34:500:34:52

It's over to you. You're free to confer.

0:34:520:34:54

We know a lot less about Christopher Biggins than we thought we did.

0:34:540:34:57

-Yeah, yeah.

-Which we thought we knew, like, nothing.

0:34:570:35:01

And we know less than that.

0:35:010:35:02

Yeah. We know one thing.

0:35:020:35:04

He was Lukewarm in Porridge.

0:35:040:35:07

Porridge. Porridge, say Sarah and Gary.

0:35:070:35:09

Now then, Cariad and Helen, that board is all yours.

0:35:090:35:13

-Great, fantastic.

-We love you both a lot. Thanks for that.

0:35:130:35:16

-LAUGHTER

-Sorry!

0:35:160:35:17

I want to say Augustus for I, Claudius,

0:35:180:35:20

but I don't think that's right. He wasn't Nero, was he? Was he Nero?

0:35:200:35:23

Nero sounds right, but I think we should play safe.

0:35:230:35:25

-Yeah, let's go for decades.

-Permission to do decade?

0:35:250:35:27

-Just go for it, yeah.

-If I'm wrong on this...

0:35:270:35:30

'50s?

0:35:300:35:32

'50s.

0:35:320:35:33

I mean the 1950s.

0:35:330:35:34

The 1950s, say Cariad and... LAUGHTER

0:35:340:35:37

-..Helen.

-In the 12th century.

0:35:370:35:39

So we have Porridge and the 1950s.

0:35:390:35:41

So Sarah and Gary went for Porridge.

0:35:410:35:43

Let's see if that's right for Lukewarm.

0:35:430:35:44

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

0:35:440:35:47

-It's right. WHISPERING:

-That's good.

0:35:480:35:51

Ooh, it's quite low!

0:35:510:35:53

47.

0:35:530:35:54

47 for Lukewarm.

0:35:540:35:55

Cariad and Helen are saying that Biggins was born in the 1950s.

0:35:580:36:01

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people got that.

0:36:010:36:05

-Ooh!

-Oh, no!

-Oh!

-Ooh!

-Oh, no! That's terrible.

0:36:070:36:10

-Not the 1950s...

-No.

-..as it turns out,

0:36:100:36:14

which means very well done indeed...

0:36:140:36:15

LAUGHING: Look at that - the robotic owl is about to wink

0:36:150:36:18

because, Sarah and Gary, after two questions, it's 1-1.

0:36:180:36:20

-BOTH:

-Yay!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:36:200:36:23

I've never been so excited to make an owl wink!

0:36:260:36:28

I tell you what, at least next time you see Biggins,

0:36:300:36:32

he'll be very grateful to you cos he was born in the 1940s.

0:36:320:36:34

-Oh!

-1948.

0:36:340:36:36

Would have scored you 25 points.

0:36:360:36:38

Now, the year he was crowned King of the Jungle

0:36:380:36:40

in I'm A Celebrity was 2007...

0:36:400:36:42

..which would have scored you five points.

0:36:430:36:45

-Now you were going to go for Nero...

-No, Augustus or Nero.

0:36:450:36:48

But I think you probably would've gone for Nero.

0:36:480:36:50

-Do you think?

-I don't...

0:36:500:36:52

What...what was it?

0:36:520:36:53

-You're teasing us!

-Yeah, I want to know.

-I am teasing you.

0:36:530:36:56

-It was Nero.

-Oh...!

-Yeah.

-It was Nero.

0:36:560:36:58

And that would have scored you 17 points as well -

0:36:580:37:02

would have seen you into the final.

0:37:020:37:03

And this final answer, it's the Reverend Osborne Whitworth.

0:37:030:37:06

And, if you knew that, you just got yourself a pointless answer.

0:37:060:37:08

Very well played.

0:37:080:37:10

Thanks very much indeed. So here comes your third question.

0:37:100:37:12

This is the decider. Whoever wins this one goes through to the final

0:37:120:37:15

and plays for that jackpot for their charities.

0:37:150:37:17

So best of luck to both pairs.

0:37:170:37:18

Our third question is all about...

0:37:180:37:21

Types Of Footwear, Richard.

0:37:240:37:25

Look, we've done History, we've done Biggins.

0:37:250:37:29

There's only one thing left,

0:37:290:37:30

and that is anagrams of Types Of Footwear.

0:37:300:37:32

-LAUGHTER

-Five of them coming up,

0:37:320:37:33

and whichever team gives us the most obscure answer

0:37:330:37:35

is going to go through to play for the jackpot.

0:37:350:37:37

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

0:37:370:37:39

So let's reveal our five anagrams of Types Of Footwear,

0:37:390:37:41

and here they come. We have got...

0:37:410:37:43

Cariad and Helen will go first.

0:37:590:38:01

OK, go, my friend.

0:38:010:38:04

OK.

0:38:040:38:05

-We are both dyslexic.

-Yes.

0:38:050:38:07

So this could be really wrong. The seed pillars one -

0:38:070:38:11

-espadrilles?

-Espadrilles, seed pillars.

0:38:110:38:14

Espadrilles. Now then, Sarah and Gary,

0:38:140:38:17

can you talk through the rest of the board?

0:38:170:38:20

We think the first one is Wellington boots

0:38:200:38:22

-and the second one is stilettos.

-Yeah.

0:38:220:38:24

And we haven't got down to the fourth and fifth...

0:38:240:38:28

We don't really... Oh! No... Moccasins!

0:38:280:38:30

-Bottom one, moccasins.

-Oh, yeah. Shall we go for that?

0:38:300:38:32

-Let's do that.

-OK.

-Yeah. Moccasins?

-Moccasins.

-For the last one?

0:38:320:38:35

Moccasins. Espadrilles and moccasins.

0:38:350:38:37

So Cariad and Helen went for espadrilles.

0:38:370:38:40

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

0:38:400:38:43

-It's right.

-Oh, thank God!

0:38:440:38:46

Ooh, seven!

0:38:510:38:53

Seven. Very well done with your seed pillars there.

0:38:550:38:58

Now then, Sarah and Gary have gone for moccasins for sonic scam.

0:38:580:39:01

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said moccasins.

0:39:010:39:05

It's right.

0:39:070:39:08

-Ooh, it's going to be close.

-It's not.

0:39:110:39:13

-Ah!

-Ooh, 14 for moccasins!

0:39:130:39:15

APPLAUSE

0:39:150:39:17

Which means, very well done, Cariad and Helen.

0:39:170:39:20

After three questions, you're through to the final, 2-1.

0:39:200:39:23

Yeah, espadrilles is the best answer on the board.

0:39:230:39:25

-Nothing you could have done about that.

-Oh, that's all right.

0:39:250:39:28

-Your owl remains winking, I'm afraid.

-Aww.

0:39:280:39:30

Wellington boots was a slightly better answer than moccasins.

0:39:300:39:33

Would have scored you ten points.

0:39:330:39:35

Stilettos is a bigger scorer.

0:39:350:39:38

Stilettos scores 64.

0:39:380:39:40

And SAS land...?

0:39:400:39:41

-Sandals.

-Sandals.

0:39:410:39:43

-CARIAD:

-Oh, of course.

0:39:430:39:44

And that's 65.

0:39:440:39:45

Thank you very much indeed.

0:39:450:39:47

So the pair leaving us, I'm afraid, Sarah and Gary, it is you.

0:39:470:39:50

Oh, it's been lovely having you on. I'm so thrilled you've made it to...

0:39:500:39:53

-This is all we wanted!

-I met the owl.

0:39:530:39:56

Once I'd reached this stage, I was happy to be defeated,

0:39:560:39:58

-so that's fine.

-Well, it's been wonderful having you on.

0:39:580:40:00

Please come back and play again as soon as possible.

0:40:000:40:03

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you both for showing me your owl.

0:40:030:40:05

Sarah and Gary! APPLAUSE

0:40:050:40:07

But for Cariad and Helen, it's now time for our Pointless final.

0:40:090:40:12

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:40:120:40:14

Well, congratulations, Cariad and Helen.

0:40:160:40:18

You have seen off all the competition

0:40:180:40:20

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

0:40:200:40:22

-We're shocked.

-We are in shock.

-We didn't expect this.

0:40:280:40:30

Most genuinely humble.

0:40:300:40:32

Well, it gets even more exciting cos you now have the chance

0:40:320:40:34

-to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.

-Yes.

0:40:340:40:36

And at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,750.

0:40:360:40:41

See, I think that's fitting.

0:40:440:40:45

I think that's fitting and neat and right that you are playing for that

0:40:450:40:48

cos you've added to that. You're our only pointless answer.

0:40:480:40:51

Yeah, again, shock, but feeling good.

0:40:510:40:53

-So glad I turned up today.

-Well, so are we!

0:40:530:40:56

LAUGHTER

0:40:560:40:58

As usual, you know what happens. You get to choose your category

0:40:580:41:00

from the four we put on the board.

0:41:000:41:02

And there's usually something you'll quite like, I'd have hoped.

0:41:020:41:05

Er, so we have...

0:41:050:41:07

I don't know. It's up to you. I'd go for Poetry or Seans.

0:41:140:41:17

-But I'm not keen on either.

-Same.

0:41:170:41:18

-No.

-I'm afraid if we go for Acting Seans,

0:41:180:41:22

we'll get James Bond questions, and I don't know James Bond.

0:41:220:41:27

-Oh, I see. Correct.

-That's my worry.

-Let's go with the Poetry.

0:41:270:41:29

All right, we'll just... Nation's Favourite Poetry.

0:41:290:41:32

-Nation's Favourite Poetry.

-Please, oh, please!

-There we are.

0:41:320:41:34

I think you made the right choice here.

0:41:340:41:36

Hopefully something here that you like.

0:41:360:41:38

I suspect you'll be able to have a good crack at it.

0:41:380:41:40

We're looking for any poet featured

0:41:400:41:41

in any of the following three collections, please.

0:41:410:41:43

They're all BBC collections.

0:41:430:41:45

From 1996...

0:41:450:41:46

So any poet featured in that.

0:41:470:41:49

From 1997...

0:41:490:41:50

And from 1998...

0:41:520:41:54

So the name of any poet who has a poem

0:41:560:41:58

featured in one of those three, please.

0:41:580:42:00

Very, very best of luck.

0:42:000:42:02

Thank you very much indeed. Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

0:42:020:42:05

to come up with three answers, and all you need to win the jackpot

0:42:050:42:07

is for just one of your answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

0:42:070:42:10

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

0:42:100:42:12

There they are. Your time starts now.

0:42:120:42:14

So the nation's favourite...

0:42:140:42:16

Must be like a Sylvia Plath, Ted Hughes or Seamus Heaney.

0:42:160:42:19

Yeah, for the nation's favourite ones.

0:42:190:42:22

And then do we then go into another category?

0:42:220:42:24

-Yeah, so we can choose more...

-So the love poems -

0:42:240:42:26

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

-Elizabeth Browning.

0:42:260:42:29

Comic poems, Spike Milligan and also Michael Rosen writes comic poetry.

0:42:290:42:32

-And Roger McGough.

-Roger McGough will definitely be in there.

0:42:320:42:36

Um... How many have we offered?

0:42:360:42:38

-Oh, we just keep saying them?

-You just keep going.

0:42:380:42:40

What about love poems? So, um...

0:42:400:42:43

Would Shakespeare...?

0:42:430:42:44

Oh, well, Shakespeare. Yeah, there'd be sonnets.

0:42:440:42:46

-Tennyson would be in the favourite poems as well.

-Yeah.

0:42:460:42:49

WH Auden.

0:42:490:42:50

Oh, he'll definitely be in there.

0:42:500:42:53

-Um...

-What other love poems are there?

0:42:530:42:56

I think we could probably name one...

0:42:560:42:57

TS Eliot, but I don't know if it was a love poem.

0:42:570:43:00

That would be The Nation's Favourite Poems, TS Eliot.

0:43:000:43:02

-CS Lewis.

-Ten seconds left.

0:43:020:43:05

I think we've got an answer for each one.

0:43:050:43:07

-But we...

-I can't remember what we've said now.

0:43:070:43:09

We're just listing poets.

0:43:090:43:11

-We just said words.

-Yeah.

0:43:110:43:12

What do we do now?

0:43:120:43:14

OK, that is your time up, I'm afraid.

0:43:140:43:16

I now need your three answers.

0:43:160:43:18

-So should we do Roger McGough for the comic poems?

-Yes.

0:43:180:43:21

So Roger McGough is one answer...

0:43:210:43:22

-For the comic?

-Comic.

-Yep.

0:43:220:43:24

-And then the love poems...

-Oh, Wendy Cope

0:43:240:43:26

will definitely be in the comic one and won't be very...

0:43:260:43:28

Yes, put Wendy Cope.

0:43:280:43:30

-And Wendy Cope?

-Yes, for comic.

0:43:300:43:31

-And your third answer?

-For favourite poem. Ted Hughes?

0:43:310:43:34

-Yeah, all right.

-Ted Hughes.

-And Ted Hughes. There we are.

0:43:340:43:37

Now of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

0:43:370:43:39

-I think Wendy Cope might be.

-Wendy Cope. We'll put her last.

0:43:390:43:42

Least likely to be pointless?

0:43:420:43:43

-Ted Hughes, probably.

-Let's put Ted Hughes first.

0:43:430:43:46

Let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

0:43:460:43:48

and here they are. We have got...

0:43:480:43:50

Three excellent answers on the board there.

0:43:530:43:55

Surely one of those will win you that jackpot for your charities.

0:43:550:43:57

Can I just quickly ask what charities you're playing for?

0:43:570:44:00

-Cariad, you first.

-The Pancreatic Cancer Research Fund, the PCRF,

0:44:000:44:03

who are an amazing charity who do sort of laboratory research

0:44:030:44:07

because pancreatic cancer is the fifth biggest cancer,

0:44:070:44:10

but its funding hasn't changed since the 1950s,

0:44:100:44:13

and neither has its survival rate.

0:44:130:44:14

So it kills quite a lot of people every year

0:44:140:44:16

and it's not a very popular, fun cancer,

0:44:160:44:18

but they're changing that.

0:44:180:44:19

Very good. Helen?

0:44:190:44:20

I'm patron of quite a new charity called Basic Needs,

0:44:200:44:25

which deals with mental health, both abroad and in the United Kingdom.

0:44:250:44:29

Very good indeed. Very well done. Two excellent charities there.

0:44:290:44:33

Let us hope that one of these answers

0:44:330:44:35

wins that jackpot for your charities. Best of luck.

0:44:350:44:38

Ted Hughes, your first answer. In this case,

0:44:380:44:40

we're looking for any poet listed in The Nation's Favourite Poems.

0:44:400:44:43

Let's find out if Ted Hughes is right.

0:44:430:44:45

Let's see, for £2,750, if it's pointless.

0:44:450:44:48

It's right.

0:44:520:44:53

Now then, if Ted Hughes takes us all the way down to zero,

0:44:530:44:56

you leave with that jackpot of £2,750 for your charities.

0:44:560:45:00

Down goes Ted Hughes into single figures.

0:45:000:45:02

Still going down. Still going down.

0:45:020:45:03

And... Oh!

0:45:030:45:05

Two!

0:45:050:45:06

Two for Ted Hughes.

0:45:100:45:12

So I'm afraid not a pointless answer.

0:45:120:45:14

Which means you have two more shots at today's jackpot.

0:45:140:45:16

Your next answer was Roger McGough.

0:45:160:45:18

Again, this has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

0:45:180:45:21

So, for £2,750, let's see how many people

0:45:210:45:24

named Roger McGough in The Nation's Favourite Comic Poems.

0:45:240:45:28

Again, it's right.

0:45:310:45:33

Ted Hughes was right, took us all the way down to two.

0:45:330:45:35

Roger McGough now takes us down through the 30s and into the 20s.

0:45:350:45:39

Into the teens, into single figures. Down it goes. Still...

0:45:390:45:42

Six for Roger McGough.

0:45:420:45:44

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:45:450:45:47

Two excellent scores so far. Excellent scores.

0:45:490:45:52

Nothing wrong with those, apart from the slightly boring fact

0:45:520:45:54

that we only take pointless answers in this last round.

0:45:540:45:57

-It's harsh!

-Very harsh.

0:45:570:45:59

But anyway, your third answer was a wonderful answer,

0:45:590:46:01

and it was Wendy Cope.

0:46:010:46:03

In this case, we were looking for The Nation's Favourite Comic Poems.

0:46:030:46:06

This has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

0:46:060:46:08

So, for £2,750, let's see how many people said Wendy Cope.

0:46:080:46:12

Well, it's right.

0:46:160:46:17

Ted Hughes, your first answer, took us all the way down to two.

0:46:170:46:20

Roger McGough took us all the way down to six.

0:46:200:46:23

Now Wendy Cope takes us through the teens and into single figures.

0:46:230:46:25

Down it goes, still going down, passes six. Still it goes past...

0:46:250:46:28

Ooh, no!

0:46:280:46:29

AUDIENCE GROANS Oh, no!

0:46:290:46:31

One!

0:46:310:46:32

-Aw, man!

-Oh, that is so harsh!

0:46:340:46:38

One!

0:46:380:46:40

Three amazing answers,

0:46:400:46:41

but I'm afraid you didn't quite find that all-important pointless answer,

0:46:410:46:44

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,750.

0:46:440:46:47

However, as it's a celebrity special,

0:46:470:46:50

we're going to donate £500 to each of our celebrity pairs

0:46:500:46:53

-so they can give that to their charity.

-Thank you!

0:46:530:46:55

It's been lovely having you on. You've been fantastic.

0:46:550:46:57

We had a pointless answer from you. We had a wonderful low-scoring...

0:46:570:47:00

All low-scoring rounds, actually. But, listen, you get to take home

0:47:000:47:03

a Pointless trophy each, so there you are. Very well done.

0:47:030:47:06

Come back and play again. Cariad and Helen! Wonderful.

0:47:060:47:08

APPLAUSE

0:47:080:47:10

Let's take a look at those pointless answers.

0:47:110:47:14

I think you said an awful lot of answers that were pointless

0:47:140:47:16

during your minute, I have to say.

0:47:160:47:18

Let's take a look at The Nation's Favourite Poems.

0:47:180:47:20

A few pointless answers here.

0:47:200:47:21

Michael Rosen, who you mentioned for comic poem,

0:47:210:47:24

Robert Frost, Rupert Brooke, WB Yeats.

0:47:240:47:26

You could've had Andrew Marvell, Christina Rossetti, DH Lawrence,

0:47:260:47:29

GK Chesterton, Siegfried Sassoon, Thomas Hardy, Gerard Manley Hopkins.

0:47:290:47:33

Lots of pointless answers there.

0:47:330:47:35

Nation's Favourite Love Poems.

0:47:350:47:37

Carol Ann Duffy, a pointless answer.

0:47:370:47:39

Christina Rossetti again.

0:47:390:47:40

Emily Dickinson, Kahlil Gibran.

0:47:400:47:43

You could've had Andrew Marvell again, Dorothy Parker,

0:47:430:47:46

Edward Lear, Emily Bronte. Roger McGough was on that one.

0:47:460:47:49

Seamus Heaney and Sylvia Plath both in that list.

0:47:490:47:52

WB Yeats as well.

0:47:520:47:54

And comic poems.

0:47:540:47:55

Benjamin Zephaniah, a pointless answer, Dorothy Parker.

0:47:570:48:00

Ogden Nash, TS Eliot.

0:48:000:48:02

Clive James was on that list. WH Auden.

0:48:020:48:04

Williams Shakespeare on the best comic poems list as well.

0:48:040:48:07

You did really, really well in your minute.

0:48:070:48:09

And I have to say, if all you've done

0:48:090:48:11

-is introduce the poems of Wendy Cope to a Pointless audience...

-Yes.

0:48:110:48:14

Just buy her books. She's wonderful!

0:48:140:48:15

What an absolutely amazing poet she is!

0:48:150:48:17

But thank you so much for being so brilliant throughout the whole show.

0:48:170:48:21

Thanks very much indeed. Thank you, Cariad and Helen.

0:48:210:48:24

We've absolutely loved having you on the show.

0:48:240:48:26

Thanks you so much. Cariad and Helen!

0:48:260:48:28

APPLAUSE

0:48:280:48:30

Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

0:48:300:48:33

-to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

0:48:330:48:36

And it's goodbye for me. Goodbye!

0:48:360:48:38

APPLAUSE

0:48:380:48:42

A special celebrity comedians edition of the general knowledge quiz in which four teams try to come up with the answers that no-one else could think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and co-host Richard Osman. Featuring Sarah Millican and Gary Delaney, Jack Carroll and Terry Alderton, Lee Hurst and Arthur Smith, and Helen Lederer and Cariad Lloyd.