Episode 6 Pointless Celebrities

Thank you very much. I'm Alexander Armstrong

and a very warm welcome to a special celebrity edition of Pointless,

the quiz that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

Every single question has been asked to 100 people before the show.

To be in with a chance of winning our jackpot,

our celebrities need to come up with answers

that the fewest of those 100 people could think of.

Let's meet our Pointless celebrities.

First up, we welcome Matt Allwright and Lucy Siegle.

Welcome. Welcome.

You're known to many of our viewers as presenters and reporters

on The One Show, but where did you first meet?

-Strangely enough, in the green room of The One Show.

-Really? There?

-Nice coincidence.

-Amazing, isn't it?

-Wow. How long ago was that?

Er, two and a half years ago.

But The One Show, of course, is the perfect training for Pointless.

All you have to do...

I couldn't comment!

But you specialise in "environmental consumerism." Call I call it that?

-Yes, yes.

-Is that fair enough?

-Environmental journalism.

Science, geography...?

-Yeah. On a good day.

-What other topics are going to be good?

I know a little bit of geography, a little bit of ecology.

I know a lot about compost. I don't know if that's going to come up.

-We do compost a lot on this show.

-Do you? Great. I'm home and dry.

We certainly do something very similar a lot of the time.

Well, these things are all related, so, you know,

-it's a very earthy subject.

-Matt, what would you like to see come up?

I would like anything to do with films.

-Matt, Lucy, very best of luck. Great to have you here.

-BOTH: Thank you.

And next we welcome Fatima Whitbread and Sharron Davies.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Two of our country's most famous female athletes.

You've won medals in World Championships,

Commonwealth Games and of course, in the Olympic Games, so sport,

I'm guessing's going to be quite a strong area for you.

-We'd like to think so.

-It'd be embarrassing if it weren't.

-Yes, it would be.

-We go back quite a long way, don't we, Sharron?

'70s, '80s.

A lot of that time was spent training, so we weren't really

looking at the television watching programmes...

-Well, you'll know about the things you were training in, I guess.

-Yes.

How long have you known each other?

Probably since the late '70s, I suppose, so quite a while.

-You ever been flung together...?

-We were very young when we met.

Yeah, teenagers.

But Sharron, you were representing us at the age of 13, weren't you?

-Yeah, my first games was at 13, which was Montreal.

-'76.

And then London will be my tenth.

We are looking forward to tonight

and we are absolutely privileged to be here.

Let's hope we get some good questions.

OK. Pressure on you, Richard.

-That was...

-Yeah!

-That was...

It was said in quite a kind manner, but with absolute steel, wasn't it?

-That was a very thin velvet glove.

-Don't cross Fatima.

Be careful for low-flying missiles if we get them wrong.

What? Oh, a threat!

-OK.

-OK.

-OK, this is awkward.

-Yeah, a little bit.

Oh, Sharron, you were a Gladiator! You were Amazon.

I was, but you've already had that question.

-That would have been a good one.

-We wouldn't have given you that one.

-Did you have a, what was your...?

-I was Amazon.

I know, but did you make, did you do a sign? Did you go...?

Like that?

Like this, r-r-r! R-r-r!

That'd be mine, I think.

Yes, Chaffinch! R-r-r!

R-r-r!

What d'you think?

Fatima and Sharron, it's lovely to have you here. Very best of luck.

Next, we welcome Chucky Venn and Ricky Norwood.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, the pair of you, as popular Eastenders actors,

we can assume you have a pretty good knowledge of Albert Square.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I've watched it all my life,

so I think anything coming up about Albert Square, I should be OK.

OK, very good. Now, Chucky, you've been in films.

-I've done a couple, yes.

-The Bourne Ultimatum.

-Yes, sir.

-You're in The Dark Knight, aren't you?

-Yes, sir, yes.

What other areas are going to be good?

-Ricky, you've done a lot of theatre.

-Yes.

Yeah, yeah, so I mean, West End musicals, maybe, would help.

Chucky, any other areas we might not be aware of

that you have a strange specialist interest in?

I'm a fan of, obviously, films, movies and sport, namely boxing.

So, be good to me, playa.

That comes up. It comes up.

All right, cool, cool.

-It'd be nice if one of those questions came my way.

-OK.

Unfortunately, you're much less scary than Fatima, so...

LAUGHTER

You've got more ripped abs, don't you?

Ricky, anything you'd particularly not like to see come up?

I don't know. Anything that you needed to go to school for, really.

CHUCKY LAUGHS

-Anything that's on TV, we can deal with it.

-OK, very good.

Well, best of luck, Chucky and Ricky.

It's fabulous to have you here.

And finally, we've got Joe Pasquale and Dani Harmer.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Joe, you're one of the nation's best-loved comedians,

and Dani, obviously, known to many of our younger viewers

for being Tracy Beaker. But how do you two know each other?

We did a tour of The Wizard of Oz a while ago and she played Dorothy

and I was the Scarecrow,

so I could wear me own clothes, so that was handy.

-Yeah, that was good.

-How long did you do it for?

-We did it for...

-A month, wasn't it?

-..a month, yeah.

-I thought

you were going to say seven or eight months.

-No, we bonded quite well in a short time, though.

-That's quick bonding.

-There are glues that bond slower.

-Yeah, we're very clicky like that.

We went to a reincarnation seminar which cost £5,000,

but I thought, "What the hell, you only live once, don't ya?"

LAUGHTER

-Now, Dani...

-Yeah?

I mentioned Tracy Beaker.

-A BAFTA-winning actress, I might just add.

-Yes.

-BAFTA.

-That's what we get. Yeah, yeah.

-APPLAUSE

We get a lot of that on Pointless. Lot of that kind of calibre.

-You've finished doing Tracy Beaker now, haven't you?

-I have, yeah.

My last series just went out on the telly at the moment.

That was ten years of my life and it's all over now.

That must have been so sad.

It was sad, but it's a good time to leave

and I'm ready to do other things.

It's going to be on telly for the next 20 years, so...

-Exactly, it's fine.

-People think you're still filming.

Exactly, it's all good.

And when you're not Tracy Beaker-ing, like now,

what d'you like to do?

Well, you see, I'm really boring when I'm at home,

because I'm hardly ever at home so I actually quite like

just sitting on the sofa and watching telly.

-This is the perfect training for Pointless.

-Well, you know...

Well, listen, it's lovely to have you both here. Very best of luck.

We look forward to discovering all your hidden knowledge.

There's only one person left to introduce.

His brain is insured for more than J-Lo's behind.

-He's my Pointless friend. It's Richard.

-Hiya.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-How are you this evening?

-I'm very well.

-Are you well?

-It's very weird, us being on Saturday evening, isn't it?

-Oh, I know.

You're supposed to be dressed up in Lycra suits

and falling through walls and stuff, aren't you?

-We should be, yeah.

-Round Three, we're going to do a bit of that,

-but up to then, it's just going to be quiz questions.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-All right.

-Yeah, I know, exactly.

There's stuff on the other side, honestly. ITV'll have something.

-They'll have something amazing, no doubt.

-Probably You've Been Framed.

Yeah! I watch that! I love You've Been Framed.

Whereas us, we'll just have questions about cheeses and stuff.

The Food Channel will have Clarissa Dixon-Wright doing something.

That'll be good, too. But I suspect anything could happen

in the next hour or so, with this bunch.

Question One is going to please

a number of our contestants. A number of you

are going to be very happy when you see Question One.

Unfortunately, Fatima's not one of them.

Unfortunately for you, that is.

AUDIENCE: Who-o-o-oa!

-Oh, my God, look! Look at her! Look at her eyes!

-I know.

-There's nothing here she can throw, though.

-Well, apart from the podium!

She could throw the podium.

Sharron is slim enough.

Normally, when we do our weekday shows,

I normally do the questions,

but because this is a Saturday evening one,

Xander has done the questions this evening, so it's all down to him.

All our Pointless questions have been put to 100 people

before the show, but we are looking for obscure answers they didn't get.

To be in with a chance of winning our jackpot,

our celebrities need to score as few points as they possibly can.

What everyone's trying to do is to find a pointless answer

that none of our 100 people knew, and each time that happens,

we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

As today's show is a special celebrity edition and each one

of our celebrities is playing for a charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There we are.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very exciting.

Right, let's play Pointless.

OK, in this first round, each of you must give me one answer

and here's the bad news, you cannot confer with your partner.

Yeah, you cannot confer with your partner.

Whichever team has the highest score

at the end of the round will be eliminated.

An incorrect answer will score the maximum of 100 points,

so try and avoid those if you can.

OK, our first category is...

Can you decide who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the first question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. Richard.

We're looking for any feature film made for cinema release

for which Matt Damon has received an acting credit prior

to the beginning of 2012, please.

No TV films, short films, documentaries, that sort of thing.

But voice performances do count. Very best of luck.

Matt and Lucy, you all drew lots before the show,

and today, you get to go first.

I'm going to say Dogma.

He's saying Dogma. Let's see if it's right and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Dogma.

Oh, it's good.

Yeah, I think this is very good. Yes, 16. Very well done, Matt.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Lovely low score there for Dogma.

-Plays a fallen angel opposite Ben Affleck in Dogma.

-So, Fatima.

Richard said this wasn't going to be good for you.

It's the sort of thing he says!

The most obscure Matt Damon film you can think of, Fatima.

I can't think of a really obscure one.

-I know Ocean Eleven, but...I'll say Ocean Eleven, then.

-Ocean's Eleven.

Let's see if that's right and if it is,

how many of our 100 people said Ocean's Eleven?

It's right.

Ooh, it's not bad.

23.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Not bad at all.

Ocean's Eleven, Richard.

Good answer, Fatima, from 2001.

Remake of the 1960s film.

-Now then, Chucky.

-My man, my man.

Can you think of a Matt Damon film?

Oh, it'd be too easy, that other one.

There's no way we can go with that one. Yes, yes, yes.

There's two in my mind right now. I'm thinking, should I...

-Do it!

-..dare to dare?

Do it!

-Brothers Grimm.

-Brothers Grimm. Ooh, yes!

There's a little murmur round the audience. Brothers Grimm.

Chucky says Brothers Grimm, is it right?

If it is, how many people said it?

Ooh, it's good.

It's good, our lowest score so far is 16.

Down it goes, down it goes.

Oh, look at that, Chucky!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There we go.

Very well done indeed. Two for Brothers Grimm.

Very well played, Chucky. From 2005, Terry Gilliam film.

D'you know who his hairstyle was based on in that film, genuinely?

Mmm, Bon Jovi, by any chance?

Jamie Oliver.

CHUCKY LAUGHS

It's true. Well, according to Terry Gilliam, it's true.

-Is that a trademark hairstyle?

-It is now.

-Seriously?

It's just based on Jamie Oliver, that's all.

Don't make a big deal of it, I'm just...

If you've got a more interesting fact about the Brothers Grimm,

go right ahead.

-Whatever you feel is appropriate.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Go on. What you got?

LAUGHTER

-I'm fine.

-That's OK.

Dani. What is the most obscure Matt Damon film you can think of?

Oh, I can't think of any obscure ones, it's really difficult,

and especially following that,

so I think I'll have to go with Good Will Hunting.

-Good Will Hunting.

-Yeah. If he was even in that, yeah.

-That was the only one I had!

-Sorry.

Good Will Hunting, says Dani. Let's see if it's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Good Will Hunting.

It is right.

33.

That's not a terrible score.

Good Will Hunting. 33, Richard.

Solid start, Dani. Again, with Ben Affleck

and he and Affleck won the Oscar for Best Screenplay.

OK, we're halfway through the round, so let's take a look at the scores.

Oh, Chucky and Ricky, look at that.

A score of 2.

Then up to 16, where we find Matt and Lucy.

Then up to 23 where we find Fatima and Sharron.

Then up to 33 where we find Dani and Joe.

All very nice and tight together.

Chucky and Ricky, though, looking particularly strong.

And Joe, if you want to avoid leaving us at the end of this round,

you're going to have to find a really obscure

Matt Damon film in the next pass.

OK, can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK. Joe, we are looking for Matt Damon films.

My top lip's just stuck to me teeth then. That's not attractive, is it?

-Like that?

-D'you know, that is attractive, Joe.

-D'you think so?

Only if you're a dentist.

The thing is, you can have your own choice of fillings at dentists' now.

I have cheese and pickle in mine.

I'm just trying to build a bit of time while I'm thinking of a film.

Let me know when you want an answer.

In the meantime, I'll just talk to you for a few moments.

Do you know Whoopi Goldberg is now

going to marry the French actor, Gerard Depardieu?

And now she's going to be called Whoopi Doopie-Doo.

LAUGHTER

-Do you want an answer?

-Joe, you are the highest scorers on 33.

LAUGHTER

You're the highest scorers on 33.

We need a really low score from you now, to make sure you stay with us.

Right, OK. Stuck On You.

-Stuck On You.

-Yeah.

Chucky's nodding. It's good. Let's see if Stuck On You is right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said Stuck On You.

There's no red line for you, Joe. You are the high scorers.

Let's hope this goes down as far as it possibly can.

Stuck On You.

It's right!

It's very good, Joe. Look at that!

3!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

3 takes your total up to 36. That's an excellent answer.

Whoopi Doopie-Doo. Richard?

Very well played, Joe. He knew that all along, didn't he?

You just wanted to do a couple of minutes of your act!

-That's right.

-I understand that.

From 2003, he plays a conjoined twin with Greg Kinnear.

A Farrelly brothers film.

Matt Damon films. The more obscure, the better.

How well did Chucky do?

-He done excellent. Really excellent.

-Whoopi Chuckie-doo.

I'm going to follow Fatima over there, and go Ocean's Twelve.

OK, I see what you've done.

See that?

You're the low scorers on 2.

The high scorers on 36 are Joe and Dani.

That means if you get below 33, you are through to the next round.

That's what 33 looks like, that red line there.

Get below that red line,

-you are definitely in the next round.

-OK.

Ocean's Twelve. How many people thought of it?

-OK.

-It's good.

-You've done it! Very well done!

-APPLAUSE

-That'll do, that'll do!

-20 for Ocean's Twelve.

Takes your total up to 22. Very well done, Ricky.

Well played, Ricky. Good tactics. Safely through to Round Two.

Thanks very much, Richard. OK, now then, Sharron. You're on 23.

The high scorers are still Joe and Dani on 36.

A score of 12 or less would see you comfortably into the next round.

Please don't go out first round! Please don't go out first round!

LAUGHTER Well, you should've picked a different question.

Yep, a sporty question.

I said to you, "Do a sport question." I said, "Do British Olympic Heroes."

But you said, "No, I want to do Matt Damon films," you said.

LAUGHTER

-And now look what's happened.

-Yeah.

You know what, if they attack you after this, I'm going to join in.

LAUGHTER

OK, OK.

Sharron, a really nice, obscure Matt Damon film, please.

Oh, gosh. There's a fantastic film that I watched the other day

with Emily Blunt, but I cannot remember the name of it.

So were going to have to go with the Oceans theme.

Going to have to go with Ocean's Thirteen.

Ocean's Thirteen, says Sharron.

You do have a red line. There you are.

If you get below that red line,

you're through, safely, to the next round.

Is it right? How many people said it?

It's right.

Down it goes...

Oh, 16!

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 39.

Yes, from 2007.

The third in that particular sequence.

Well, listen, that's great news, Joe and Dani. Phew!

You are through to the next round.

However, Lucy, it's in your hands.

You're on 16, the high scorers on 39, I'm so sorry,

are Fatima and Sharron. I'm so sorry.

Which means a score of 22 or less will see you comfortably through

to the next round.

Are you confident?

-There's one issue.

-Yes?

I don't know anything about films.

Have you got any ideas at all?

I'm wondering how many of those Ocean's films were made.

LAUGHTER

OK, the only Matt Damon film I THINK that I know

is The Talented Mr Ripley.

That's your target there. The red line.

If you get below that red line, 22,

with The Talented Mr Ripley, you are staying in the game.

OK, The Talented Mr Ripley. Is it right? How many people said it?

It's right.

-You've done it!

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

10!

That's a brilliant, brilliant answer, Lucy!

You're through to the next round. 26 is your total.

-The Talented Mr Ripley.

-Yes, from 1999.

If you're only going to know one Matt Damon film, not a bad one.

Not bad at all.

Sharron, if you'd remembered the Emily Blunt film,

it would have scored 6 points and seen you safely through.

The Adjustment Bureau.

-Oh!

-Good film.

-Yeah, great film.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

These are the ones that no-one said.

All The Pretty Horses.

He fell in love with Penelope Cruz in that.

In Finding Forrester, with Sean Connery.

Hereafter, he was in. A Clint Eastwood movie.

Rounders, he was in.

He was the voice of Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.

Syriana he's in, the George Clooney movie.

The Informant! also.

The Majestic, the Jim Carrey film.

The animated sci-fi movie, Titan A.E.

All pointless. Well done if you said any of those.

Let's take a look at the top three.

These are the ones most people said, so would be the worst answers.

The Bourne Ultimatum, 33.

The Bourne Supremacy, 33.

And The Bourne Identity, 52.

He played Bourne, you see. LAUGHTER

-Were you in all three of those, Chucky?

-I wish I was.

No, no, I was in The Bourne Ultimatum.

-Oh, that's the best.

-Yes.

-Yeah, yeah!

-I like you, I like you!

Thank you very much, Richard.

At the end of the round, the losing pair with the highest score,

it pains me, literally, to say this, Fatima and Sharron.

But look, your score's 39. It's a wonderful low score.

-Normally that might be the lowest score.

-Do you know what, though?

That gives me time before the end to go and sharpen up those javelins.

Oh, yeah. THOSE javelins.

THOSE javelins, yeah?

About five minutes ago, I thought we were joking. LAUGHTER

Now, I tell you what, keep watching.

Watch this space.

Sorry we have to say goodbye to you,

but it's been lovely having you on. Sharron and Fatima. Wonderful.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

There's only going to be room for two celebrity pairs

in our celebrity head-to-head round.

One of the celebrity teams in front of me

will be leaving us at the end of this celebrity round.

LAUGHTER

OK, our category for Round Two is...

..Pop Music.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first

and who's going second? And whoever is going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, our Round Two question concerns

opening lines from UK number one singles.

-Richard?

-Yes, I guarantee you this will have people

singing along at home.

We're going to show you six opening lines

from a UK number one single.

On each pass, all you have to do is tell us what that song is.

Give an obscure answer to score fewer points.

Give us a wrong answer, though, it'll be 100 points.

There's going to be 12 in all. 12 for you to sing along to at home.

OK, so we are looking for the names of these songs.

The songs of which these are the first lines.

And we have got...

When you're weary, feeling small.

A long, long time ago, I can still remember.

Disco dancing with the lights down low.

They say we're young and we don't know.

You, you're such a big star to me.

And, I feel it in my fingers.

I'll read those all one more time.

There we are. There are our opening lines of UK number one hit singles.

We would like to know the names of the songs.

And, as always on Pointless, you're trying to find

the one that you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

-Lucy, nice, pristine board there for you.

-Yes.

-Any you don't know?

-Indeed.

There is one I'm not sure about, and there's two I don't know.

I wonder if I should take a risk.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

I've just watched Matt just turning, going, "Ahem!"

I think Matt wants to kill me already, but anyway. Erm, OK.

You, you're such a big star to me...

No, I'm not going to do that one.

They say we're young and we don't know.

That is the name of the song, yes?

I would like the name of the song for which that is the first line.

I Think We're Alone Now.

They say we're young and we don't know.

I Think We're Alone Now.

Let's see if that's right, and how many people knew that answer.

-Oh, I'm so sorry!

-Don't worry, don't worry!

-I'm so sorry!

-It's all right.

Don't worry. Don't worry at all.

Unfortunately, it's an incorrect answer,

which means you score the maximum of 100 points.

-But the round is young.

-Oh, that was so stupid!

-Richard?

-Yes, the opening line to that is,

"Children, behave," isn't it?

OK, Ricky. Ricky, this is good for you, isn't it?

Do you know what, I wish it was.

You know, if anybody knows me, they know I either know the song

and don't know the words, or know a bit of the words

and ain't got a clue what the song is.

So this is great for me!

-Erm, I have one idea, and I can only go with the one idea.

-OK.

And I ain't going to take as long. You want the song?

-You don't want the album, do you?

-LAUGHTER

-Do you want the back catalogue?

-CHUCKY LAUGHS

Do you want the guy that covered the song I'm about to...cos I can...

I think just the name of the song will be fine.

OK, a long, long time ago, I can still remember.

I'm sure that's American Pie.

American Pie, says Ricky, for a long, long time ago.

A long, long time ago, I can still remember

when it was the beginning of this round.

LAUGHTER

American Pie. Let's see if that's right.

Just be right! Just be right! Just be right!

If it is, let's see how many people said it.

Be right!

-Yes!

-It is right!

-Yes! yes!

-Yes, come on! Come on!

-34.

-We'll do that, we'll do that.

-That's not bad at all.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well played, Ricky. American Pie.

-Well done, Ricky.

Originally Don McLean, but a number one for Madonna.

Now then, Dani. You're the last person to have this board.

You can do the whole board and fill in the blanks.

-Really?!

-If you want. You don't have to.

Erm, I think I'm all right, actually!

I think I'm going to go for disco dancing with the lights down low,

because I think it's The Sound Of The Underground, by Girls Aloud.

The Sound Of The Underground, says Dani,

for disco dancing with the lights down low.

Let's see if that's right,

and how many people knew that answer.

The Sound Of The Underground.

It's right! Very well done, Dani.

I think this is going to go a long way down.

If it's right, I'm all right.

Whoa! Look at that! The lowest score!

-Yes!

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That's a pointless answer, Dani!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

It adds £250 to the jackpot. Takes the total to £2,750.

-It scores you nothing.

-Yes!

Dani, that's fantastic! Well done! Richard?

Girls Aloud's first number one.

First ever single, 2002 Christmas number one.

-Good song.

-Good song, great answer, it turns out.

Let's go through the rest of the board.

Lucy, were you going to go with you, you're such a big star to me?

-Yes, cos it was the one I knew.

-And what were you going to say?

It's Shine, isn't it?

It is Shine, yeah. It would have scored you 7 points.

Ooh, no!!

-The one you went for, they say we're young...

-I know what it is now.

What is it?

It's...erm, what's-her-name.

-LAUGHTER

-Cher.

-You're absolutely right.

-It's thingy and Cher.

-It is.

But what's the name of the song?

Er, I Got You, Babe?

Yeah, that's exactly right. I Got You, Babe.

Would've scored 19 points. I feel it in my fingers?

Erm, Love Is All Around?

Love Is All Around, absolutely right. That would have scored 37.

And when you're weary, feeling small?

-Bridge Over Troubled Water.

-26 points.

Very well done if you got all of those.

Especially The Sound Of The Underground. Best answer there.

Very good indeed. Halfway through the round,

so let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

Dani and Joe! Oh, wow!

-You look fantastic there on nothing.

-Thanks!

Nothing at all!

Then we go up to 34, where we find Ricky and Chucky.

Also looking pretty strong.

Lucy and Matt, way out in front.

Matt, I know if there is a pointless answer on the next board,

you will do your level best to find it.

We just have to hope that's enough. Best of luck, everyone.

OK, we're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players take their places?

Six more opening lines on the board.

-This is a good round, Richard.

-Good, isn't it?

I like this very much!

Six more, and here they are.

We have got -

I heard that you're settled down.

You can dance, you can jive.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

I'll sing it one last time for you.

You never close your eyes anymore.

Slip inside the eye of your mind.

I'll read them all again.

We're looking for the songs to which these are the first lines.

And of course, you're trying to find

the one the fewest of our 100 people knew.

-Joe, you're on nothing.

-Yeah.

The high scorers are Matt and Lucy on 100.

A score of 99 or less

will see you comfortably into the head-to-head.

I know the one I'm going for,

but I was trying to sing the song to get to what it's called!

# You never close your eyes any more

# When I kiss your lips

# And there's no tenderness

# Like before, in your fingertips. #

Joe, you're going to have to go with one.

# To show... # Don't interrupt!

# Baby, but baby...

# Baby, I know...#

(RICKY) Everybody!

You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling!

LAUGHTER

You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling, says Joe! Fabulous!

APPLAUSE

Yes! yes!

Oh, wonderful! Here is your red line.

Look at it, it's way up at the top of the column there.

If you get below that red line, you're in the head-to-head.

Good luck! You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling. Is it right?

How many people said it?

Beautifully done, Joe. You're through.

27!

APPLAUSE

27, which takes your total up to...27! Richard?

Well done, Joe. UK number one for The Righteous Brothers.

And Cilla Black also had a version of it in the top five at the same time.

-Chucky.

-My man.

-The high scorers are still Matt and Lucy on 100.

You're on 34, which means a score of 65 or less will be enough

to see you into the head-to-head.

-Aargh!

-What are you thinking? How's that board for you?

I've got a gut feeling I know one of them.

There's one I really want to have a stab at,

because I feel it might not be as popular.

But I'm going to go with

slip inside...(SINGS) the eye of your mi-ind.

Look Back In...

Don't Look Back In Anger.

-Don't Look Back In Anger.

-Yeah.

-Get below that red line,

you're in the head-to-head and we say goodbye to Matt and Lucy.

-HE SIGHS

-It's a tough game.

LAUGHTER

What can I say, man?

Don't Look Back In Anger. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many people said Don't Look Back In Anger.

It's right.

You are through to the next round!

Ooh-hoo!

-Ten!

-That's all right.

APPLAUSE

Ten. Takes your total up to 44.

Very well done, Chucky.

-Richard.

-Well played, Chucky. Went straight to number one

-in March 1996 for Oasis.

-Very good.

-Matt, Matt..

-Yes, yes!

-The writing, as presumably you're aware...

Is literally on the wall.

It is literally on the wall.

You'll leave us at the end of this round,

but maybe there's a pointless answer on that board?

"I heard that you're settled down" - we'll say, er...

You Wear It Well.

"I heard that you're settled down" -

You Wear It Well, says Matt. No red line as you're the highest scorers.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said,

"I heard that you're settled down."

Oh! But it was a good punt.

Unfortunately, an incorrect answer,

you score the maximum 100 points, takes your total

to 200 points, but it's an honourable 200. Richard.

Unlucky, Matt, worth a guess though. I think the first answer -

You Wear It Well -

is, "I had nothing to do on this hot afternoon" - first line to

You Wear It Well.

The one you'd gone for, is an absolutely humongous recent hit,

by Adele -

Someone Like You.

Would have only scored seven points.

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified" - I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

who had a number one with that. Would have scored 52.

"You can dance, you can jive", Matt right again,

Dancing Queen by Abba - 28 points.

And "I'll sing it one last time for you", originally a Snow Patrol

song - got to number five and then Leona Lewis covered it - Run.

The best answer on the board - three points.

Very well done if you said that. You can all stop singing now!

Very nice indeed. Thanks very much, Richard.

At the end of Round Two, the losing celebrity pair

with the highest score is Matt and Lucy.

I'm so, so sorry.

-I don't want to go.

-It was tough.

We don't want you to go, either. Stick around, if you like.

We're in the 200 club.

-You are.

-Nobody goes in the 200 club.

I'd like to apologise to Matt Allwright for being such a fool.

There's nothing to apologise for, Luce.

I hope he can forgive me in due course!

-It's nothing!

-You've done phenomenally well, though.

You got through the first round.

-You're so kind.

-You got through

the first round, which was tough.

They're hard, these,

-you either know them or you don't.

-True.

Matt and Lucy, thanks so much for joining us.

Lovely having you. Matt and Lucy, everyone.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two celebrity pairs,

things are about to get more exciting as we go head-to-head.

Congratulations Joe and Dani, Chucky and Ricky,

you've seen off all the competition.

You're only one round away from the final

and the chance to play for our jackpot which stands at...

AUDIENCE CHEERS

Obviously, only one pair can play for that money, and to

decide which pair it is, you're now going to go head-to-head.

For each question, you're going to be shown five answers on the board.

Each pair needs to answer just one of them,

but you're now allowed to confer.

All you have to do is score less than the other pair

and you win that question. First pair to win two questions

will play for the jackpot in the final.

Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question. It concerns...

Yes!

LAUGHTER

I was praying for that. That's fantastic, great!

Richard.

We'll show you five pictures of mountains.

Tell us the common names of these mountains.

The most obscure will win the point.

Let's reveal our five mountains and here they come.

Our mountain ranges...

OK, there are the five mountains.

Now, Joe and Dani have played best throughout

so far, so you get to answer first.

Have a little confer.

-Do you know any of them?

-No idea.

-Didn't think so!

Not a clue.

-I would go, if I'm honest...

-There's a giraffe!

-A giraffe,

that's what I was going to say.

-That means it's not somewhere cold.

-Yes!

-Right?

-OK.

-You're on your own.

-I'm on me own. I sussed that a little while ago, love!

Go for A.

I'll go for A - Kilimanjaro.

A - Kilimanjaro, say Joe and Dani.

Chucky and Ricky,

it's all yours. You can talk out loud.

I'm going to... Chucks, brother, is there anywhere we know?

Go, dude, make it happen.

C has got to be Mount Everest.

C - Mount Everest.

So, C - Mount Everest.

That's all I've got in my locker, my man, that's all.

We have A - Kilimanjaro,

C - Mount Everest.

I wouldn't like to say which one of those is going to win.

They're both cack, ain't they?

LAUGHTER

They're both common!

In the order they were given,

Joe and Dani said A is Kilimanjaro.

Let's see if it is Kilimanjaro, A.

If it is, how many people said it?

It is right.

41.

APPLAUSE

41. That's not bad.

Chucky and Ricky have said Mount Everest for C.

C - Mount Everest. Let's see if that's right

and how many said Mount Everest for C.

-It's correct.

-Go on, son. Go on, son.

-Get in there.

-BOTH: Oh!

-Very close.

APPLAUSE

Very close indeed.

THEY CHATTER

Kilimanjaro just pipping you there, which means after

one question, Joe and Danny are up one-nil.

-Richard.

-Top two answers on the board - Kilimanjaro,

the highest mountain in Africa,

Mount Everest the highest mountain in the world.

B - some people might get at home. It's in Britain...

Know what, I didn't recognise it.

Ben Nevis would have three points, as well.

-Three points?

-Very low score.

Goodness gracious!

D is actually a pointless answer,

so very well done if you said Mount Sinai.

E - that's Table Mountain in Cape Town.

That would have scored you 21 points.

More species of plant on Table Mountain,

than the whole of the UK.

Thank you very much, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Chucky, Ricky, you need to win this question to stay in the game.

-Yes, sir.

-Your second question concerns...

Yes!

-Richard.

-I like you!

-Goes from good to better, doesn't it?

We're going to give you a list of five book titles,

each of which has five words, but we've left out the second word. Not accidentally, on purpose.

You have to give us the second words, please.

The most obscure will win the point.

Here come your five five-word book titles with a missing second word,

and they are...

I'll read them all one final time.

There they all are. Chucky and Ricky, you go first.

You want to pick the one you think the fewest of our 100 people knew

and fill in that missing second word.

Simple.

How many do you know?

-I'd say I know about two of them.

-OK.

The Portrait Of Dorian Gray.

-I heard a wince.

-There was a big one.

The Portrait Of Dorian Gray.

Joe, Dani, talk us through the rest of the board.

You've got The Wind In The Willows.

I thought it was The Picture Of Dorian Gray.

The something And The Fury. I'd go for The Cat In The Hat.

What d'you want?

DANI MUMBLES

-You want to go for cat? We're going to go for cat.

-Cat In The Hat.

The Cat In The Hat. OK.

So we had The Portrait Of Dorian Gray, we have The Cat In The Hat.

Chucky and Ricky said The Portrait Of Dorian Gray.

Let's see if that's right, and how many people said it.

Come on!

BOTH: Oh!

Oh, dear!

That's an incorrect answer.

It means, Joe and Dani, to go through to the final,

-you merely have to be right.

-OK!

The Cat In The Hat, say Joe and Dani.

Is it right and how many people said it, if it is?

It's right! You've done it.

75!

APPLAUSE

THEY CHATTER

Which means, after only two questions,

Joe and Dani are through to the final two-nil.

-Richard.

-Ricky, really unlucky.

-It's not The Portrait Of Dorian Gray, it's the Picture.

-The Picture?

-Yes.

So sorry. It's really tough luck.

27 points that would have scored you, as well.

The Wind In The Willows, funnily enough, would only just beat you.

-Scores 98.

-What?

-How about that?

William Faulkner's The Sound And The Fury.

Would have scored seven points.

Right at the bottom, it's The House Of The Spirits by Isabel Allende.

That would've scored you 4 points. The best answer on the board.

Thanks very much, Richard. So, the losing pair

at the end of the head-to-head, I'm sorry to say, it's Chucky and Ricky.

You've done so well throughout the show.

Pleasure. Thank you very much for having us.

You came storming through.

Mount Everest, beautifully recognised. Only two points in it.

Sadly, Joe and Dani whipped it away from you.

But Chucky, Ricky, lovely to have you on the show.

Thank you so much for coming and playing. Chucky and Ricky, everyone.

CHEERING

But for Joe and Dani, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Joe and Dani.

You fought off the competition and won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,750.

APPLAUSE

£2,750 for your nominated charities.

Now, you pretend you don't know what's going on.

Joe and Dani, the pair of you,

we've had one pointless answer on the show, it's from you, Dani.

Joe, not only the lowest scorers in the second round,

but also a straight sets victory in the head-to-head.

-Here you are in the final.

-It's very weird.

I only came out for a loaf of bread tonight,

-so it's quite weird, isn't it?

-Yeah!

Play it well and you might go home with £2,750 for your charity.

So the rules are very simple. To win that money, find a pointless answer.

We've had one pointless answer, yours, Dani.

You only have to find one more now

and you will go home with that money for your charities.

First, though, you've got to choose a category,

and you can choose from these five options. They are...

-For me, right...

-Yeah, for you.

-For me, I would go for British Sitcoms or Beautiful People.

-Yeah.

I was thinking exactly the same.

Yeah, do you know more beautiful people than me, though?

Look, I'll leave it down to you.

-Oh, don't leave it to me!

-Yeah, I'll leave it to you, cos...

I'm like Noddy with a headache!

I'd go British Sitcoms. You do sitcoms, you're always in sitcoms!

It might be from, like, before I was born.

But then you might know that, cos you're older than me!

-Oh, yeah, thanks for that, love!

-LAUGHTER

So, yeah, shall we go British Sitcoms?

Yeah, I think we should, love, cos I'm old and you're not.

-Yeah, that's good. Do you want to go for British Sitcoms?

-Yeah.

We're going to go with British Sitcoms.

British Sitcoms. OK, here we are.

Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

Only Fools And Horses actors as they could. Richard.

We're looking for the name of any actor or actress who has appeared

in two or more broadcast episodes of Only Fools And Horses,

according to Internet Movie Database.

We need first names and surnames, please.

You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that £2,750 for your charities

is for one of those answers, only one, to be pointless.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are. Time starts now.

You've got the obvious, David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst.

-You've worked with Nicholas quite a bit.

-Yeah.

-Who played Boycie?

-That was... Boycie was...

-Erm... I have not a clue.

-Oh, God!

-I am absolutely useless.

-I know them so well, I can't believe...

-Should've gone for Beautiful People!

-We only know the two lead people.

-What about Uncle Albert? What was his name?

-Uncle Albert, yeah.

-He was an old bloke as well.

-Oh, no!

-Uncle Albert, there's Grandad. Who played Grandad?

-Grandad, yeah.

-OK... Oh, no!

-I want to say... Oh, no.

-You want to say what?

-Go on, say.

-I was going to say Jack something, but I'm not sure.

-Jack something's good, but it's not right, love.

-Yeah, OK!

-OK.

-Er...

-We could put two names together,

-chances are that we might come up with one.

-Yeah.

-Who played Boycie?

What was his name? Oh! Derek Jacobi, he wasn't in it.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Who's Derek Jacobi?

-He's an actor, but he wasn't it.

-Oh, right.

Who played Raquel? Her name was...

Ten seconds.

Think of the characters first, think of the characters.

-I can't think of the characters!

-I can't think of the character!

-Oh, this is so hard.

-Oh, no, I can't believe it.

Oh, no, your minute is up!

We were looking for Only Fools And Horses actors,

and I now need three answers from you.

Got to go for Nicholas Lyndhurst, which is pointless...

It's not pointless, that would be pointful.

I would say it's pointless going for Nicholas Lyndhurst.

David Jason and...Buster Merryfield!

-There you go, that's the third one.

-Buster Merryfield.

Oh, well done there, Joe!

-Came out of my pants, that one.

-SHE LAUGHS

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Buster Merryfield, yeah.

-Least likely?

-BOTH: David Jason.

-OK, we'll put them up on a board in that order,

and here they come.

OK, we were looking for Only Fools And Horses actors.

David Jason was your least confident answer.

You only have to find one pointless answer to win that jackpot.

£2,750 for your charities.

OK, let's see if anyone said David Jason.

-Yeah.

-OK, it's right. Let's see how...

Oi! 72.

-Yeah.

-OK.

APPLAUSE

Unfortunately, not a pointless answer, but we knew that.

You only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

What are your charities? Joe, what's yours?

I'm playing for the Grand Order of Water Rats,

which is a charity that's been going, you might possibly know,

for about 130 years now, which looks after anybody that approaches them,

-or they can do the best they can for them.

-Very good, indeed.

Excellent charity. And Dani?

I'm playing for Make-A-Wish Foundation,

cos I'm their ambassador, and I think it's just such a good cause.

Very, very well done. Excellent.

APPLAUSE

Best of luck to both of you.

OK, two shots at the Pointless jackpot for your charities.

We're looking for Only Fools And Horses actors.

I hope nobody said your next answer, the little-known Nicholas Lyndhurst.

THEY LAUGH

It has to be correct and pointless to win that jackpot.

Let's see how many people said Nicholas Lyndhurst.

Well, it's right.

75 people got David Jason. Nicholas Lyndhurst going down...

Ooh, 47.

That's less than I thought it was going to be, though.

Yeah, surprising.

-Yeah.

-OK, now we're into proper, proper Pointless territory.

-Right.

OK, you only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is riding on Buster Merryfield.

You got him in the nick of time there, Joe.

-Yeah.

-We're looking for Only Fools And Horses.

Your final answer was Buster Merryfield.

You said it was your most confident shot at a pointless answer.

It has to be right, has to be pointless.

If it's both of those things, you leave here with £2,750.

Buster Merryfield, is it right? How many people said it?

It's correct.

OK, 72 for David Jason, 47 for Nicholas Lyndhurst,

down it goes on Buster Merryfield. If this goes down to zero...

Oh, no!

APPLAUSE

Eight.

Unfortunately, you didn't find that all-important pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you DON'T win today's jackpot of £2,750

for your charities. However, as it's a celebrity special,

we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair

for their respective charities.

Aww, thank you.

APPLAUSE

Here's the moment of truth - Richard.

Yeah, a valiant effort. Well played, Joe, well played, Dani.

Some of the ones you couldn't name -

Tessa Peake-Jones is Raquel,

Boycie is John Challis.

-John.

-Lennard Pearce was Grandad.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers, though.

Benjamin Smith was Damien, Del's son, in three episodes.

He was pointless. Denis Lill is Cassandra's father.

Diane Langton, one of Del's exes, all pointless. Jim Broadbent...

-Jim Broadbent, of course!

-..played Roy Slater, the cop.

He was also offered the role of Del Boy. And he's a pointless answer.

Kenneth MacDonald who played Mike, the landlord of The Nag's Head,

also pointless. Nula Conwell, as a barmaid,

went on to be WDC Martella in The Bill.

Roy Heather, Steven Woodcock, who was Jevon,

and Wanda Ventham, who played Cassandra's mum.

That's also Benedict Cumberbatch's mum in real life.

Well, thanks very much, Richard.

Unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye to you, Joe and Dani,

but it's been fantastic having you on my show.

-Thank you both so much for playing. Brilliant.

-Cheers, thank you!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All that remains is to say thank you to all our celebrity pairs,

Fatima and Sharron, Matt and Lucy, Chucky and Ricky

and, of course, our splendid finalists, Joe and Dani.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time,

when we'll put more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd