Episode 4 Pointless Celebrities

Thank you. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong. Welcome to this radio edition of Pointless,

where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners. Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

Our first couple...

-Hello. I'm Scott Mills.

-And I'm Gemma Cairney.

-Representing Radio One!

Yay!

-And our second couple...

-Hello. I'm Shelagh Fogarty, this is Christian O'Connell. We represent Five Live.

And I also do the breakfast show on Absolute Radio.

Our third couple...

-Well, this is Ken Bruce and I'm Anneka Rice.

-And we represent the nation's favourite - BBC Radio Two!

Very good!

And our fourth and final couple...

-I'm Michael Buerk.

-And I'm Jenny Eclair.

-She's funny, I'm not and we're representing Radio Four.

And these, ladies and gentlemen, are our contestants!

We'll find out more about all of you throughout the show. Only one person left for me to introduce.

In the world obscurity rankings, he's held on to the number one slot for another year. It's Richard!

Hiya! Hello!

-Wow.

-Good evening.

-And to you.

-I think we should have a radio show.

-You and I.

-We could.

-I'm going to practise a little during the show.

-Don't mind me.

-Oh...is that what I think it is?

No!

# Alexander Armstrong! #

-Yeah?

-Wow!

-Wow.

-That's good, right?

That's the best thing ever. Ever!

# Alexander Armstrong! #

Man, I tell you, I am going to have fun if no one else is.

That's...the best thing ever.

Thanks, Richard. Our questions were put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers they didn't get. Everyone wants a pointless answer

that no one gave. Each time that happens, we add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's show is a special celebrity charity edition,

our jackpot starts off at £2,500. There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this round I will take an answer from each of you. No conferring.

Whichever pair has the highest score at the end of the round is eliminated.

OK, our first category today is...

It's music.

Music to some of your ears, I should think. Can you all decide who will go first and who's second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Songs on..."The People's Chart".

Songs on "The People's Chart". Richard?

Don't panic. It's a list of the 75 most-played songs on radio over the last 75 years.

We'll show you 14 first lines from some of those songs.

From the 75 most-played songs. You need to tell us the name of the song for each one, please.

-A nice obscure answer scores fewer points. An incorrect answer will score 100 points. 14 in all.

-OK.

The People's Chart. I'd never heard of that. Ken, you've heard of that, haven't you?

-Right now, yes, I have.

-He just heard of it now.

-Heard of it now.

Thank you, Richard. So we are looking for the songs of which these are the opening lyrics.

-Here is our first board.

-HE READS THE LIST

I'll read those one last time.

There we are. Seven first lines to seven songs from The People's Chart.

-Scott, surely this just plays straight to your strengths.

-Well...

I know all of them, I think,

-but which is the most obscure is the issue.

-There's the game!

-You've been on this game before. What happened last time?

-I crashed out to Chico and Sinitta.

Well, there we are. You can redeem yourself now.

OK. I am going to say... "You and me, we used to be together,"

which is... Don't Speak by No Doubt.

Don't Speak by No Doubt says Scott. Let's see if that's right and how many people knew that answer.

It's right.

Five!

Very, very well done, Scott. Very well chosen.

Five for Don't Speak.

Well played, Scott. Laid down the gauntlet to all the other radio stations. Their only UK number one.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-I can see your finger lurking by that box. Makes me a bit nervous.

-Does it?

-Just a bit.

You don't need to be nervous.

# Alexander Armstrong! #

-Christian...

-Xander.

-Christian.

-Xander.

-You know all of these.

-Do you know what? I know about five of them.

-Did it help when I read them out? Did it bring them to life?

-It did jog a few, yeah.

Now I should say that I'm the only person who had to get up at four o'clock this morning.

-AUDIENCE "Aww"

-Thank you very much.

-I'm slightly at a disadvantage...

-I got in at four o'clock!

Do you know what? I am going to go for...

There's some great songs there. Pop Master will clear up on this.

-Oh, he's not playing.

-He will.

-Good luck, Anneka.

-I'm going to go Bee Gees, Night Fever.

-For...?

-"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk."

-Bee Gees, Night Fever, says Christian.

Let's see if that's right and how many knew that answer.

THEME FOR "Our Tune" PLAYS

-They are laughing!

-Christian, I'm afraid that's...

-Does that mean I've won?

-No.

That's an incorrect answer. That scores you 100 points.

This is some kind of fix, right?

No, it's not. It's just a terrible answer.

-Oh...

-It's 100 points. I don't know why. The big man will know,

-but he can't tell you to the end.

-It's not the first line to Night Fever.

-That's the main reason.

-OK, fair enough.

-If that helps.

-That's why.

Ah!

Never mind. Anything can happen in this round.

-Anneka?

-Yeah, you see, I was looking at number four and I've been quietly singing that to myself

trying to get to the title. Christian's given me confidence.

-Can I try number four?

-Yeah.

-That's still open, is it? Stayin' Alive, the Bee Gees.

Stayin' Alive, the Bee Gees, says Anneka.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

Eleven.

Very well done indeed, Anneka. Eleven. Stayin' Alive.

Well played, Anneka and Radio Two. Christian, I bet you're glad you said, "Good luck, Anneka!"

Well done.

-Christian, you've chosen to wear an Evel Knievel t-shirt.

-Daredevil.

Yes. Which of his many crashes into those many double decker buses were you thinking of

when you selected that one?

All of them!

-Now then, Jenny.

-Oh, this is so hard. They've bagsied the ones I was going to say.

I think there's a very obvious Rod Stewart one. The cruellest line in pop music is in that song.

"The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age."

Oh! Oh, that's a hard line in pop.

-So I'm not going to go for that.

-LAUGHTER

I'm going to go for Young Love Run Free. "What's the sense in sharing this one and only life."

Young Love Run Free says Jenny. Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

Young Love Run Free.

-Oh, no!

-I should have gone for the Rod Stewart, shouldn't I?

Unfortunately, that's an incorrect answer. You score 100 points.

I've never seen anyone look so comfortable behind our podiums. That's lovely.

-It's Young Hearts Run Free, I'm afraid.

-Oh!

-Not a million miles away.

-For shame.

-For shame.

-That would have scored you eight points.

-Oh, I knew it! But I didn't!

Would have been a terrific answer. It's that fine line, isn't it?

-You should have gone for, "Wake up, Maggie..."

-Maggie May.

-Right. That would have scored 80 points.

-I knew it would be high.

-Better than 100.

-All right!

-Just a bit of maths.

-"A-well-a, bless my soul..." Is that All Shook Up?

It is. And it would have scored you 24 points. "Summer lovin'..." is, of course, Summer Nights.

That would have scored 24. "It's been seven hours and 15 days"?

-Nothing Compares 2 U.

-Sinead O'Connor. Which scored 33.

-So the best answer on the board, Scott, is Don't Speak.

-Well done.

Let's look at those scores. Scott and Gemma, look at that. A lovely low score of five.

Up to 11, Anneka and Ken. And then it's tied between Michael and Jenny and Christian and Shelagh.

So, Shelagh and Michael, it's between the pair of you. Very best of luck.

We're going to come back down the line. Could the second players take their places at the podium?

OK, we're going to put seven more opening lyrics on the board.

HE READS THE LIST

# Alexander Armstrong! #

-Good.

-I'll read those all one last time.

OK, we want the songs for which these are the opening lyrics.

Michael, you are going to try to find the one the fewest people knew.

No, I'm not going to do that. The only one I've heard of, I think I heard it on Desert Island Discs

in 1985. "We skipped the light fandango, turned cartwheels 'cross the floor."

Is this Procol Harum? Whiter Shade of Pale?

Whiter Shade of Pale. OK.

You are on 100, joint highest scorers. You want to score as few points as possible with this.

You've gone for A Whiter Shade of Pale. "We skipped the light fandango."

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

21!

21. Takes your total up to 121. Richard?

Well played, Michael. All the pressure's on Shelagh now.

-Whiter Shade of Pale. It's the most played record on radio of the last 75 years.

-Really?

-Ken, here we are. 11. You are through to the next round.

-Right.

Even if you score 100 points, you won't overtake 121. I think you will know every answer.

-Just judge which you think is the lowest-scoring answer.

-Well, you would think so. In fact,

when the first lines are playing, I'm off out the chair, not listening. So I don't know these.

I know some of them. Anything post about 1995...

I'm trying to think which one people won't necessarily know.

I think I'll go for, "When you walk through a storm...", You'll Never Walk Alone.

You'll Never Walk Alone, says Ken. "When you walk through a storm..."

Let's see if that's right and how many said it.

It's right.

-28.

-That'll do.

28. Taking your total up to 39.

-Richard.

-Well played, Ken. The Rodgers and Hammerstein song from Carousel.

A big hit for Gerry and the Pacemakers.

Now then, we have a game on our hands, Shelagh. The high scorers are Michael and Jenny on 121.

You are on 100. You have to score 20 or less or we say goodbye to you and Christian.

Here are the opening lyrics. What are the songs called.

I was going to go for, "When you walk through a storm..." as it's associated with Liverpool,

but we can't do that. There are two, actually, that are calling me,

but I'm going to go for...

"Sugar, aah, honey, honey, you are my candy girl,"

and I think the title of that is... I Can't Help Myself.

I Can't Help Myself.

Here is your red line.

If you get below that, you are through.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

Oh...Shelagh!

Oh, no! "Our Tune" THEME

We're rubbish, Christian!

I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer. So sorry. It scores you 100 points.

-Thank you.

-It takes your total up to a brilliant 200.

-I'm really sorry.

-It's Ken Bruce's hankie! I'm a winner!

I'm so sorry. Richard...

-I had such high hopes for Radio Five.

-I had, too.

RICHARD SIGHS

Oh, dear. Thank you. Now, Gemma, good news - you're through.

-It doesn't matter what you score.

-I'll go for, "Sugar, aah, honey, honey, you are my candy girl,"

because it was a dance at my friend's wedding in the summer. She had it in the programme.

That's the only reason I know the name, I think, unless they got it wrong!

-I'll go Sugar Pie Honey.

-Sugar Pie Honey.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

Not Sugar Pie Honey either, I'm afraid. An incorrect answer, scores 100, but it doesn't matter.

You're both thinking of Sugar Pie Honey Bunch by the Four Tops, I think.

This is the Archies, Sugar Sugar.

It would have scored you 26 points. "I sit and wait..." is obviously from Angels, Robbie Williams.

It would have scored you 53.

"I've crossed deserts for miles..." Do you know that one? It's All Saints, Pure Shores.

Would have scored three points. "Don't think I can't feel there's something wrong"?

Think Twice by Celine Dion. Five points. Now the last one, if you listen to it, you'll know it.

So here's the bottom one.

# Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la-la

# Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la-la

# Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la-la... #

# Richard Osman! #

-Very good. Very strong.

-Of course, that's Is This The Way To Amarillo? by Tony Christie.

That would have scored 11 points. The best answer was Pure Shores. Well done if you said it.

Thank you, Richard. So at the end of Round One, the first pair to leave

-is Shelagh and Christian. Really...

-I know. Sorry.

-I'm devastated on many counts, but my mum watches this every day.

-What's your mum called?

-Mary Fogarty.

-Hi, Mary!

-I'm really sorry.

-I'm so sorry your daughter was let down by Christian.

-What?!

-Who can't even identify quite a simple Bee Gees song.

After nearly 40 years in the business.

I'm going to be thrown out of the DJ Circle by Ken!

Well, Sheila and Christian, thank you so much for playing. It's been lovely having you. Excellent.

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

So, sadly, at the end of this round another pair will be leaving us.

Which pair will it be? That round was skewed towards the record-playing radio stations.

Fat lot of good it did Christian and Shelagh, but there we are. Michael and Jenny,

-you can be buoyed up.

-Lucky!

-We now return to normal general knowledge.

-Yeah, we're confident now.

Ken and Anneka, you mopped up. And so you should.

-We had the Pop Master there. Scott, Gemma...

-He was good.

-He was good.

-There were too many Sugars and Honeys and Pies going on.

-And sha-la-las.

-Yeah.

-Anyway...

-No more music now?

-Well, who knows? But not for this round.

-What is this round?

-I don't know.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

I do know now! Celebrities.

It is celebrities.

Can you all decide who is going to go first and who's going second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, the question concerns...

women who married more than once.

-Richard?

-In a moment, Xander will show you a board with six famous women on it.

Simply tell us any man who has ever been married to any of these women, up to October, 2012.

-Any man who's ever been married to any of the following women.

-OK.

We are going to put six famous women on the board and here they are.

HE READS THE LIST

She'll be glad to be in that company, won't she? I'll read that one last time.

So they will remain on the board and all you each have to do is name any person

who's been married to one of them.

Now then, Gemma, it is you first.

OK, I'm going to go with Marilyn Monroe -

-Arthur Miller.

-Arthur Miller says Gemma. Is that right? How many of our 100 people said it?

Absolutely right.

-13!

-Right!

Yeah!

-13.

-Yeah, married from 1956 to 1961. Very good start, Gemma. Well played.

-Thank you very much.

Now then, Ken...

-I've been married three times. I don't remember any of them.

-LAUGHTER

But... I'll go with Princess Anne.

-And I will say that she was married to Mark Phillips.

-Mark Phillips says Ken. Mark Phillips.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

46.

I would have said that.

-46 for Mark Phillips.

-Yes, they divorced in 1992.

-Got married on Prince Charles' birthday. Slightly upstaging your brother.

-A bit.

-A little bit.

Just a bit. Now then,

-Jenny...

-Well, I was going to go with Marilyn Monroe/Arthur Miller that Gemma nabbed.

Then I was going to go with CAPTAIN Mark Phillips, to give him his full title.

I'm going to play safe and I'm going to go with Sean Penn

-because I know Madonna was married to him.

-OK, Sean Penn says Jenny.

Let's see if that's right and how many said it.

It's right.

24!

-Oh, not so bad.

-Brilliant.

-24 for Sean Penn.

-Yeah.

Married from 1985 to 1989.

Thank you. We're halfway through. Let's take a look at those scores.

13, very much the best score. Gemma and Scott looking strong.

Up to 24, where we find Jenny and Michael. Then 46, Ken and Anneka.

So, Anneka, you're going to have to work the hardest in the next pass.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

-Now then, Michael, did your heart sink when you saw celebrities?

-Yep.

-You thought...

-Through the floor.

-Oh, dear. Did it then rise up again

-when you saw any of those names?

-The elderly and the dead ones.

LAUGHTER

You're on 24. The high scorers on 46 are Anneka and Ken.

You want to score 21, if you possibly can, or less.

Marilyn Monroe's first husband was a baseball player called Joe DiMaggio.

Joe DiMaggio says Michael. Here is your red line.

Get below that and you are through. Let's see if that's right. How many people said Joe DiMaggio?

Absolutely right.

Down it goes. Yep, you've done it!

Very well done. 12. 36, your total.

Very well done.

Well played, Michael. He's a pro.

-That ain't bread.

-That's toast.

-Yeah.

# That ain't bread - that's toast! #

Yeah, we had a round on catchphrases in the last series and we decided, because we didn't have one,

-we'd better just make one up. What did you think?

-Liked it.

# That ain't bread - that's toast! #

-It's good, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-In what way is that not working?

-Absolutely perfect.

-Yeah.

-Joe DiMaggio, very good answer. Not her first husband.

-More on that later.

-Oh! What an intrigue!

-Now then, Anneka...

-Oh, I hate this sort of round.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

-You wanted a new board.

-A whole new board with geography!

This is where it gets fun. We've picked off the low-hanging fruit.

You're on 46. The high scorers. So we need a low, low-scoring answer.

On the basis that this person lives a low-key life, I'm going to go for Princess Anne again and Tim Lawrence

-on the basis that people will have plumped for other people.

-I think that's a brilliant answer.

-There's no red line for you as the high scorers.

-OK.

-Just hope it goes down a long, long way.

We shall see. Tim Lawrence, says Anneka. Is that right?

It's right.

-Yes!

-Three! Very well done!

Yeah, brilliant. Well done.

Excellent score, excellent reasoning.

And there's your result. 49 now.

Well played. Best answer so far. That might keep you in the game.

Got married in 1992.

Thank you. Now then, Scott. Anyone married to these famous women.

I think I know one of the people that Melanie Griffith has been married to,

but I'm not 100% sure on it. So...I'm going to go for another person that Madonna married,

which is Guy Ritchie.

Guy Ritchie, says Scott.

The high scorers are Anneka and Ken on 49. You're on 13. You want to score 35 or less with Guy Ritchie.

Best of luck. Guy Ritchie. Is it right? How many said it?

It's right.

-You've done it!

-Yeah!

-You have done it! 26!

39 is your total.

Very well played, Scott. Very tactical as well. What was your risky one?

-I was going to go for Antonio Banderas.

-An even better answer. It would have scored 13 points.

Antonio Banderas. A very good answer.

There's only one pointless answer and that is Marilyn Monroe's first husband.

She married him when she was 16. Jimmy Dougherty. Pointless answer.

Steve Bauer married Melanie Griffith and would have scored one. She married Don Johnson as well.

And Percy Gibson married Joan Collins. Would have scored two.

Also Maxwell Reed, two. Peter Holm, three. And Ron Kass, four. Anthony Newley, eleven. Katie Price...

married Peter Andre. That would have scored 53. Wedding of the century.

-And Alex Reid, 16. And we've had all the other answers.

-Thank you very much.

At the end of Round Two, our losing pair with a high score of 49... That's a very low score!

-It's unfair.

-Can I say...

-# That ain't bread - that's toast! #

-We're toast.

-Bye-bye!

-Ken and Anneka, thank you so much. Lovely contestants.

Thank you.

But for the two remaining pairs, they get one step closer to the final and taking home the jackpot

as we go to the Head To Head.

Congratulations, Scott and Gemma, Michael and Jenny. You are one round away from playing for the jackpot,

which still stands at £2,500.

Now obviously only one celebrity pair can play for that money,

so you are now going to go head to head, but from here on in you're allowed to confer.

It's first to win two questions.

-Scott and Jenny, you've each been on before, but never this far.

-We've never stood on this bit!

It's exciting, isn't it?

-Michael, how are you finding all this?

-The pressure is beginning to get to me now.

-He's cracking.

From now on, you can confer. This is great news.

Very best of luck to both pairs and well done. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

-England Football Captains. Richard?

-Everyone looks delighted, don't they?

It's only going to get more exciting

when I tell you we're about to show you five anagrams of men who have captained the England football team.

-Can you unravel these anagrams and give us the most obscure answer?

-Thank you very much.

Let's reveal our five anagrams of England football captains. We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Scott and Gemma, you have played best throughout the show so far, so you get to go first.

You can have a little bit of time.

OK...

WHISPERING

Right, the only one that we can actually work out because it's not our forte

is...Gary Lineker?

-OK. Which one?

-LAUGHTER

-A Greyer Link.

-Gary Lineker you're saying for A Greyer Link.

-Michael and Jenny?

-Do you know any of the others?

No, the only one I could get was the one that they've just got.

Cherry Butter?

I'd quite like a football captain called Cherry Butter.

It's time there was one called Cherry Butter.

-Let's go for Cherry Butter.

-You can do it?

-He's called Cherry Butter.

-He's not an anagram, you mean?

-That would be great, but we have to go for the only one we know

which is the one that you muttered in my ear.

-The bottom one is Bobby Moore.

-OK, so we have Gary Lineker, we have Bobby Moore.

Scott and Gemma have said A Greyer Link is Gary Lineker.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said it.

Well, it's right.

29.

That's not bad.

Not bad at all.

Michael and Jenny have gone for Bobby Moore, Romeo By Bob, as he appears there.

Let's see if Bobby Moore is right and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

Bobby Moore is right.

Is it going to beat Gary Lineker?

Yes, it is. 21.

I don't believe that.

-I don't believe that.

-Very well done. After one question, Michael and Jenny, you are up one-nil.

Well played. Bobby Moore wins the point. Let's go through the others.

There's a pointless answer up there.

It's not Cherry Butter, which is a lovely anagram of Terry Butcher.

It would have scored 19 points.

Arsenal Hare is Alan Shearer. It would have scored you 5.

Cure Set Apart is a pointless answer,

so very well done to anyone at home who said Stuart Pearce.

-Stuart Pearce. Pointless. Did you get that?

-No.

Thank you very much. Here comes your second question.

Scott and Gemma, you have to win this to stay in the game. Good luck.

It concerns...

This is just playing so much to your strengths, Michael, it's embarrassing(!)

-Richard?

-We're now going to show you five pictures of celebrities or famous women,

taken in the days when they were beauty pageant contestants. Can you name any of them? Best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. Michael and Jenny, you will go first.

Let's reveal our five beauty pageant contestants. Here they come.

There we are, five beauty pageant contestants.

Michael and Jenny,

you go first.

WHISPERING

-I don't know.

-Do you think it's her?

-I'm not even sure it's her.

-I'm going for one of them. We are going for one of them.

-No, you're going for one of them.

-OK, blame me.

-I'd like to call her by her married name. Is that allowed?

-That's absolutely fine.

C, Mrs Bruce Forsyth.

LAUGHTER

Wilnelia, Wilnelia Forsyth.

-Wilnelia Forsyth?

-I don't know whether I'm pronouncing the name properly.

-That's OK.

I think it's For-SYTH. I think.

LAUGHTER

OK, Michael and Jenny have gone for Wilnelia Forsyth.

Now then, Scott and Gemma, the rest of them are yours.

Talk us through them.

LAUGHTER

-Gemma?

-I'm not used to...

I'm not used to kind of grainy, black-and-white pictures.

-I don't know. Shall we just...

-Yeah, let's go for it.

-That's the only one we know.

We're going to go with Oprah Winfrey, D.

You're going to say D, Oprah Winfrey.

Very good indeed. So, from Michael and Jenny, we have Wilnelia Forsyth. Let's see...

'Will it be pointless? Let's find out!'

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Do you like?

-I do like it now. When I first heard it, I thought it was a weird electrical storm going on.

-Do you want to hear it again?

-Yes.

-'Will it be pointless? Let's find out!'

It sounded like the scream of a metal cable as a stage weight was plummeting towards me at top speed.

It's just occurring to me, much as I like you, and friends though we've been for a very long time,

-that if I had this...

-'Will it be pointless? Let's find out!'

..strictly speaking, you don't need to turn up any more.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

OK...

JINGLE: # Richard Osman! #

-Press mine and it'll go...

-MIMICS DISTORTED TAPE

-# Richard Osman! #

-It doesn't seem to be yours. Hold on. Let me press yours.

-# Richard Osman! #

-No, it's not.

OK, now, Michael and Jenny have said Wilnelia Forsyth.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

One!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That'll do. Very, very well done indeed, Michael and Jenny.

Very impressive indeed. Scott and Gemma have gone for Oprah Winfrey, D. D, Oprah Winfrey.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said that.

It's right. Is it going to beat the one that Michael and Jenny scored?

No, it's not, I'm afraid. 41.

APPLAUSE

Bad luck, but very, very well done.

Michael and Jenny, after only two questions, you are through to the final two-nil.

-Richard?

-Yeah, that was a terrific answer from Jenny.

Very good teamwork. Michael got the first one, you got the second one.

There is an answer that would have beaten Wilnelia Forsyth

or Wilnelia Merced which was her name before she married Brucie, but we'll get to that in a moment.

A is Sharon Stone.

She would have scored you 4 points.

B is Halle Berry.

She would have scored you 25.

Now, E is a pointless answer.

A very famous American politician.

-That's Sarah Palin.

-Oh!

-Sarah Palin.

That's a pointless answer.

-Wow!

-Very, very well done to anyone who got that at home.

The losing pair at the end of the head-to-head, I'm afraid, is Scott and Gemma.

Oh, you've done so well, so well.

-It was fun.

-It was lovely having you on the show. Scott and Gemma, thank you so much for playing.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for Michael and Jenny, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Michael and Jenny, you've fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our jackpot for your charities.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

This is as it should have been, of course, Radio Four...

-Yes.

-Vanquishing all.

-It would be embarrassing if we hadn't.

We've thrown Music... You've had Husbands Of Famous Wives, Footballers, Beauty Pageant Winners.

We haven't really stepped into the high-brow yet.

-No, but it would still have been humiliating.

-Yeah.

We don't need to step into high-brow, do we? Keep it down here.

I think it just says a lot for Radio Four.

Can we have a shipping forecast round?

-That's a brilliant...

-We have done that. It was a lovely round.

The rules are very simple. To win the money, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

Do that and you will take home £2,500 for your charity. First, you've got to choose your category.

Here are the five choices.

Not Cricket. British Actors or Award Winners. I think Award Winners is quite general. We could do that.

-But they might be things we don't know anything about.

-How many Irish playwrights do you know?

-Two.

-Enda Walsh? Who's the other one?

-"JB" Synge, is it, Playboy Of The Western World?

-I think that's risky. We'll go British Actors. Should we?

-Yeah, go on. Come on.

British Actors it is. Let's find out what the question is. Best of luck.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many Gary Oldman films as they could.

-Richard?

-We're looking for any feature film made for cinema release

for which Gary Oldman has received an acting credit up to October 2012.

As always, no TV films, short films or documentaries, but voice performances do count.

So, any Gary Oldman film. Very best of luck.

You have one minute to come up with three answers and all you need to win that £2,500 for your charities

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. Your time starts now.

-He did Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, but everybody will know that.

-That's a recent one.

-Yeah.

-There's a film called Nil By Mouth he did.

-Yeah.

-I can't think of any others. Please help me.

-Did he do Sid And Nancy? Was he in Sid And Nancy? No.

-I don't know.

-Was he in...?

-When I said Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, that was as far as I got.

-Has he not been...? Come on, come on, Gary Oldman, Gary Oldman...

-Come on.

-Gary Oldman, was he in Sid And Nancy?

-Well, he could be for this.

Gary Oldman, come on, come on.

I know his sister is in EastEnders. She's Big Mo.

Why do I know stupid things and not sensible things with Gary Oldman? He's a really good actor.

-Was he in any of the Harry Potters?

-Was he?

-He wasn't Harry Potter. Obviously not.

-But he might have been...

-Ten seconds left.

-I don't think he was.

-We only know two.

-We only know two. Are we going to lose?

We'll have to guess a film.

-Sid And Nancy?

-Yeah, but it's not right.

-Time is up.

We were looking for Gary Oldman films. I now need three answers.

Tinker Tailor?

Everyone will say Tinker Tailor. Everyone will say Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, so we'll put that...

We'll take Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. And your next one...?

-Shall we say Sid And Nancy?

-Yeah.

-We'll do Sid And Nancy.

-Yeah.

-And then we'll do Nil By Mouth.

-Nil By Mouth. Very good.

Of those three, which do you think is your best, your most obscure answer?

It would be Sid And Nancy, but we're not sure he's in it.

-That's very risky.

-You've selected your three answers. We're talking about the order.

Let's just go Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Nil By Mouth, Sid And Nancy.

Let's put them up on the board in that order. We have got...

OK, so we were looking for Gary Oldman films.

Your first answer, that you thought was least likely to be pointless, was Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

Let's find out if this is right and if it is, if it's pointless.

You only have to find one pointless answer to win that money.

So, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, is it right, how many people said it?

It's right.

Down it goes, a recent film.

Still going down into the teens, into single figures...

Wow, 4!

APPLAUSE

Well, unfortunately, not a pointless answer.

Fortunately, only four of our 100 people knew that film. It was a massive blockbuster last year.

If you win this jackpot, it goes to your charities. Michael, who have you nominated?

I've nominated a charity called Disability Challengers which is in my home town of Guildford.

It's an adventure play centre for quite severely disabled children.

-Very good indeed.

-APPLAUSE

And Jenny?

My charity is Kids Company which is a Peckham-based charity run by the inspirational Camila Batmanghelidjh.

-I just think she's a miraculous woman and they deserve some funding.

-Very good indeed.

APPLAUSE

Very best of luck. Let's hope one of your two remaining answers wins that jackpot for those charities.

We're looking for Gary Oldman films. Let's hope nobody said your next answer, Nil By Mouth.

This has to be correct and pointless for you to win that money.

Let's see, for £2,500, how many people said Nil By Mouth.

Oh!

-I'm so sorry.

-No, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.

You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is now resting on your last answer,

your most confident shot at a pointless answer, if it's right, Sid And Nancy.

Get this right and if nobody else got it,

then you will win that jackpot of £2,500.

Let's see. Sid And Nancy, is it right and, if it is, how many people said it?

It's right. Sid And Nancy is right.

Now then, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy took us down to 4.

For whatever reason, Nil By Mouth was an incorrect answer.

Sid And Nancy is taking us down...

Oh, no!

APPLAUSE

-You did really well.

-4!

That's baffling. I thought that was going all the way down.

I'm afraid you didn't find that all-important pointless answer, so you haven't won today's jackpot.

But as it is a celebrity special, we'll donate £500 to each celebrity pair for their charities.

APPLAUSE

Oh, you did very well, though.

-You do, of course, also get to take home a Pointless trophy, so very well done.

-Yes!

It hasn't been in vain.

-Was he not in Nil By Mouth?

-He wasn't in Nil By Mouth.

He wrote and directed it, but...

Well, I'd say that was having a hand in it!

Yeah, sorry. If it had been anyone who had a hand in Nil By Mouth...

Maybe he got his hand in the shot at some point when he was directing it... No, all right.

-It's Ray Winstone and Kathy Burke. And Laila Morse, his sister, is in Nil By Mouth.

-Yes.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, a very low score. It had a lot of publicity but it was quite an arthouse film.

The biggest scores for Gary Oldman films were Dracula, Fifth Element and Leon.

The four Harry Potter films he was in scored very low too.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers. I don't think you'll recognise any. I hope not.

A Christmas Carol, the one that came out in 2009, he played lots of the voices in that.

Chattahoochee, Dead Fish he was in with Robert Carlyle.

Another couple of voiceovers - Kung Fu Panda 2 and Planet 51. Rain Fall also was a pointless answer.

He was in an adaptation of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead,

The Unborn and We Think The World Of You.

I hope nothing there rings a bell. You've been terrific and good answers in the final round.

Very well done to anyone at home who got any of those.

Thanks, Richard. Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Michael and Jenny.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

-You've played so well.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we put more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-It's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd