Period Drama Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Thank you very much. I'm Alexander Armstrong. Welcome to this period edition of Pointless Celebrities -

where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

-APPLAUSE

-And couple number one.

Well, this is Nerys Hughes, I'm Martin Jarvis.

I suppose, if we're talking about costume drama,

-First of all, my beard is real.

-What are you saying?

I'm saying, is that real, your mutton chops?

-ALEXANDER SNORTS IN DISBELIEF

-And I can see maybe that you've grown those overnight,

pushing very hard from the inside, I don't know.

But going back to costume drama, I suppose

my first was The Forsyte Saga and then Nicholas Nickleby.

-And Nerys, what was yours?

-Mine was The District Nurse.

I was Megan, from the Welsh valleys.

Lovely to have you here. A warm welcome to Martin and Nerys.

-And couple number two.

-I'd like to introduce my friend Colin Baker,

-who was in, amongst other things, War And Peace.

-Indeed.

-And Doctor Who. Travelling in time, that's period, isn't it?

-Absolutely.

Whereas my friend here, Simon Williams,

who I've known for far too many years to recount here...

-48.

-That's exactly what it was.

He distinguished himself in Upstairs, Downstairs and many things since.

Colin and Simon - warm welcome!

-And couple number three.

-Hello. I'm Chris Timothy

and I was in All Creatures Great And Small

and this is the tall Matthew Kelly!

Good evening. I was in Bleak House.

I played Old Mr Turveydrop who was the old dancing instructor.

I've known Christopher for many, many years.

And he just makes me feel taller.

Matthew and Chris!

-And finally, couple number four.

-Good afternoon, young master.

-Good afternoon, Pam.

-I'm Pam Ferris. I play Sister Evangelina

in Call The Midwife.

This is my friend and co-worker.

Helen George and I play Trixie Franklin in Call The Midwife.

Helen and Pam, everyone!

And these are today's contestants.

We'll get to know more of you throughout the show.

That leaves one person to introduce. He's too clever by half,

twice as clever as me, not half as clever as he thinks he is, a true mathematical oddity.

-It's my Pointless friend. It's Richard.

-Hiya.

-Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Well, now.

-Who've you come as? You look like a sadistic mill owner.

-Thanks.

You look like a sinister sexton.

Very much quitting the "ton" into sexton.

But look, I've got old-fashioned stuff - I've got no computer today.

-Well, you wouldn't. You've got an owl instead.

-I've got an abacus.

-Oh, of course.

-And a quill.

-Yeah.

But I notice they've still got a massive tower which is

-powered by electricity...

-Yes.

-..and yet I'm not allowed a computer.

-Well, there we are.

Tell you something else I've got. HE RINGS BELL

I'll be doing that an awful lot during today's show.

-There you are.

-Only cos I've never had a bell before.

All the questions are going to be pre-1870.

-Perfect. Specialist subject.

-Yeah, exactly.

And another thing - HE RINGS BELL

-Also, have you seen my globe?

-Yeah.

I've put a little flag there which is the Central African Republic.

-There we are.

-It's in there.

-Good stuff.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

-It's a pleasure.

All our questions were put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants must find the answers those 100 people didn't get.

They're trying to find a pointless answer, that none of the 100 gave.

When that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

In today's show, each celebrity is playing for a nominated charity,

so we will start off with a jackpot of 2,500 guineas.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Just going to pop these down here. There we are.

In this round, I'll take an answer from each of you, but no conferring.

The pair with the highest score will be eliminated.

So do all you can to make sure that is not you, Nerys.

OK, our first category today is...

..People.

Can you all decide who's going to go first and who second?

-Want to go first?

-OK.

-You know about people, don't you?

-Yes.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

HE READS

Famous people whose surnames begin with C, Richard?

We'll give you seven clues to famous people whose surnames begin with C.

You need to give us the most obscure.

There'll be 14 in all to try at home. Very best of luck.

OK, so we are looking for famous people whose surnames begin with C.

Here is the first board.

HE READS OPTIONS

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are, seven clues to seven people beginning with C.

Nerys and Martin - you all drew lots before the show and you'll go first.

Nerys. Now, what do you think will be your strong suits on Pointless?

-Strong suits?

-We know about your acting.

I know... I know about nothing, really.

Vegetables. I like eating.

-Y-y-you... OK.

-I like eating. Shakespeare.

You like eating Shakespeare? Good.

I like... Mmm...

No, honestly, I know far more my faults than my good sides.

-OK, what are you dreading?

-Dreading? Reality shows. Popstars for now.

-But people beginning with C?

-People beginning with C, yeah.

-How are you feeling?

-Not too bad. I know about three of them.

-OK.

-What are you going to go for? Nice, low score.

-Um,...

I'll go for the director of The Godfather. Francis Coppola.

Francis Coppola says Nerys. Let's see how many people said Francis Coppola.

She's right.

Still going down, Nerys. Still going down.

-12!

-APPLAUSE

That's a great answer. Very good low score.

Very well played, Nerys. It's tough on that first podium. Good start.

My hat is genuinely cutting off circulation to my head.

Really painful. But I can't take it off cos there are women present.

At the end of this round, I'm going to take this jacket off.

-It's getting hot.

-Ooh, are you? Hello(!)

OK, there we are. So, Colin, welcome to the show.

How are you feeling about the full names of these people?

I'll play safe and say that the Lord Protector of England was Oliver Cromwell.

Cromwell says Colin. Let's see how many of our 100 said Cromwell.

It's right. Now, 12 is our nice low score at the moment.

Where's Oliver Cromwell going to end up?

22. Not bad, Colin.

Not at all bad.

Well played, Colin. Became Lord Protector in 1653,

which was 200 years ago today.

-Yes.

-That's an 1853 joke, there.

-HE CLEARS THROAT

-Chris.

-Yes?

-Welcome.

-Thank you.

As you said, many people know you from All Creatures Great And Small.

-You played James Herriot.

-I did.

-But you've done masses of acting.

You were in Laurence Olivier's original National Theatre ensemble.

I was, playing the smallest parts that have ever been written, but, yes, I was in it for three years.

-How do you feel about this board?

-I won't do the first one,

cos I imagine it'll score highly.

-So I'll go for the bottom one and say Jimmy Carter.

-Jimmy Carter.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Jimmy Carter.

It's right.

So 22 is our high score, 12 our low. Where will Jimmy Carter take you?

-15!

-APPLAUSE

-HE CHUCKLES

-Jimmy Carter.

Another good answer. He was the first US President to be born in a hospital, Jimmy Carter.

-I don't know what to do with that.

-There you go.

-Yeah. You like that?

-Wow.

I'm doing that without a computer, you see that?

-Is it true?

-It is true, yeah.

-Where were they all born before that?

-Home deliveries.

-Yes. There we go.

-Midwives.

-Of course! Of course.

It's a tough show, this, for Christopher,

he's under a lot of pressure, you know that, don't you?

-Cos his wife, Annie is a big fan of the show. Is that right?

-Yeah.

-I'm a big fan, too.

-LAUGHTER

-Now, Pam. Welcome, Pam.

-Hello.

You didn't mention Ma Larkin, of course.

Oh, that was period as well, same period, actually. Late '50s.

I seem to be stuck in the late '50s.

-Pam, when you're not acting, what do you get up to?

-I like to cook.

I like to read. I like to garden and I do all those cosy things.

-Good. How is your general knowledge?

-I am constantly surprised by it.

I have no formal education, virtually,

-so I'm always surprised by what I do and don't know.

-Yeah.

So I'm just going to cast myself on the seas of fate.

Good. Good place to be, on the seas of fate.

And you've left me slim pickings, quite frankly.

But sometimes that's quite good because it forces you

-to answer something you didn't think you knew. Talk us through the board.

-Yeah, easy.

-Talk us through all of them.

-No.

-Then pick one.

I'll just go for the top one and forget the others.

-That'll be Sean Connery.

-OK. Sean Connery says Pam.

Let's see if that's right and see how many of our 100 people didn't say Sean Connery.

It's right. Ooh! Still going down.

-Look at that. 50!

-Would you believe it?!

-Not bad!

-Not bad, Pam.

-Still stuck in the '50s.

-There you go. Stuck in the '50s!

-Sean Connery.

-Not too much damage done.

-Not bad.

Especially on that fourth podium when there's much less choice.

Let's look at the rest.

-The lead singer of Nirvana is...

-Kurt Cobain.

-..Kurt Cobain.

Yeah, that would've scored 38.

The explorer who sailed from Bristol to North America was John Cabot.

Would've scored three points.

The last one is a pointless answer. You need specialist knowledge.

Anyone at home who said Scott Crossfield, a US army pilot...

It was a pointless answer so terrific if you said that.

Halfway through the round, let's look at the scores.

The best score, by quite a long way, Nerys, was yours.

Nerys and Martin looking strong, as indeed are Chris and Matthew.

At 22, we find Colin and Simon.

Pam and Helen, you're out in front.

But Helen, you get first pick of the next board.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we'll put seven more clues on the board. Here they are.

-We have got...

-HE READS

I'll read those one final time.

There we are, seven clues of differing degrees of toughness.

Helen, we need the names of these people and they all begin with C.

-You're on 50. We need a nice, low score.

-Yes, we do.

-How do you feel about this?

-All right, middling.

I was probably better on the last lot. Hopefully we'll get one.

I think I'm going to go for the writer married to an archaeologist.

-I think it was Agatha Christie.

-Agatha Christie says Helen.

You're on 50, there's no red line. Just hope this goes down a long way.

Agatha Christie. Is it right? How many of our 100 people said it?

-It is right.

-Yes!

-SHE GASPS

-Still going down.

-Three! Brilliant!

-APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed, Helen. 53 is your total. Very respectable.

That's a terrific answer, Helen. Best answer yet.

Agatha Christie is the bestselling novelist of all time.

-Now then, Matthew, welcome.

-Cheers, mate.

-Great to have you.

You have a fantastic career. You started as a much-loved TV presenter

throughout the '80s and '90s.

Then you put it all behind you, strolled off to be an actor,

garnering plaudits wherever you go.

Have I been garnering plaudits? Who knew?

-I was an actor before I did all that.

-Yeah.

and so while I was doing the presenting I did loads of acting all the time,

but you know yourself, when you go into the theatre, hardly anybody ever sees you,

so it looks like you're practising your art in private, really.

So then when you finish all that and go back into acting, people go,

"Oh, I didn't know you could do that!"

I say, "Well, I've been practising for a long time now."

I'd now rather say other people's words than my own,

because, um, people are a lot brighter than I am.

They say things a lot more succinctly than I would.

So I'd rather be playing and dressing up.

And turning round on stage and talking to other people.

You have to score 37 or less to avoid being the high scorers.

Well, I know a few of these.

Some of them I don't know the first name of.

I'm going to go for Downtown.

Married to Claude Wolff in 1961 - that's Petula Clark.

Petula Clark says Matthew. Here is your red line.

-If you get below that, you are through to the next round.

-Thanks.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

It's right.

Looking very strong. You've done it.

-Very well done. 25!

-APPLAUSE

25 takes your total up to 40.

Well played, Matthew. She sold 70 million records.

Now then, Simon. Simon. Welcome, welcome.

Now, then, Simon. You're on 22. The high scorers still, on 53, are Helen and Pam.

30 is all you need to score. 30 or less.

I think I'm going for the silent film actor who died on Christmas Day, 1977.

I think it was Charlie Chaplin.

Here is your red line. If you get below that, you're in the next round

Charlie Chaplin. How many people said it?

It is right.

-Ooh! 41.

-APPLAUSE

41 for Charlie Chaplin takes your total to 63.

-Our new high-scorers, Simon and Colin.

-A surprisingly big score.

Charlie Chaplin perhaps the most famous silent movie star of all,

-which is why everyone said it.

-Mmm.

-Martin.

-Hello, there.

-Martin.

Now, then, aside from your acting and your endless voice work -

you do an awful lot of voice work - you've read a great many books.

-I have, and occasionally recorded them.

-Exactly.

-Do you remember all the things you've read?

-I remember quite a lot,

because I see the pictures in my head.

One thing about reading recording is that the hidden agenda is that it's a reading,

and you hope the listening audience will see the pictures in their head,

that you're seeing in yours,

and they forget they're being read to and it's like a bit of life.

-That's what I try to do, anyway.

-It is.

Martin, you're on 12. The high score is 63, Colin and Simon.

-If you can score 50 or less, you're in round two.

-Right.

-Can you fill in the blanks?

-I can fill in most of them.

Um, that's Winston Churchill. Johnny Cash.

The tricky one, for me, is the one at the bottom.

Would more people answer Churchill than Johnny Cash?

-I'll go for Johnny Cash.

-Johnny Cash says Martin. Here's your red line.

If you get below that, you are through to round two.

Johnny Cash. How many of our 100 people said it?

Well, it's right.

Yep! You've done it.

You've done it! 18 for Johnny Cash. Very well done.

-That takes your total up to 30.

-APPLAUSE

Terrific work, Martin. Very well done.

-Can I quickly ask you a question?

-Yes.

-My mutton chops are real,

-cos they said you have to grow them. Are yours real?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Oh, cos...

-Why? Oh!

-LAUGHTER

Yeah.

-Yes.

-Good, cos I don't like to think I grew these and you've just cheated.

-I wouldn't do that.

-Absolutely certain? OK, good.

-Good.

Let's go through these now.

"Served as Prime Minister..." It is Churchill.

Phenomenally low score.

-Given that Chaplin scored 41, Churchill scored 28.

-Oh, wow.

An awful lot of people said Chamberlain for that question.

-Ah.

-You would think Churchill would be fairly obvious.

"The composer of the Star Trek theme" - this would be your name if you were a sadistic mill owner.

It's Alexander Courage.

One point to any Trekkie who got that. I suspect some of you did.

And the top one, it's John Cadbury and it's a pointless answer as well.

Thank you. Now, at the end of our first round, the pair heading home,

with a high score of 63... It's not high, it's just the highest.

I'm afraid, Colin and Simon, it's you.

-I'm so sorry.

-And he knew John Cadbury.

-And he knew John Cadbury!

-I'm really sorry to say goodbye.

-It's been such fun. Goodbye.

-Thank you very much.

-Simon and Colin!

-Good luck!

But for the remaining three pairs, it's time for Round Two.

Well, I'm going to... I'm just going to disrobe at this point.

-AUDIENCE AND CAST WHISTLE

-Yes, thank you. Yes.

-How about that?

-There we go.

-Have you got a medal?

-Yes.

-What was that for?

-Valour.

LAUGHTER

-You really are Alexander Courage, aren't you?

-Yes, yes, I am.

Now, then. Three pairs remain. Ooh, that was close, Helen and Pam.

-Pam, you owe Helen.

-I do.

-It was a fantastic answer.

-She owes me beer.

Agatha Christie. Well, very best of luck to all three remaining pairs.

Our category for Round Two is...

..music.

-Bet you're good at this.

-Decide who's going to go first, who second.

-Who's first and second?

-You go first

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

..members of "boy" bands.

Members of BOY bands, Richard.

In a moment, Xander will show you the names of five groups, all of whom have "boy" in their title.

Give us the names of any of the original members of these groups.

Any of the members when they released their first album.

We want anyone who was in The Beach Boys in their first single.

Any original member of the five groups you're about to see.

As Richard mentioned, we'll put five bands on the board and they'll remain up through the round.

We'll go up and down the line. You have to name the original members.

And on our board we have today -

HE READS

I'll read them one final time.

Now, Martin. How happy are you with this?

Very unhappy, cos I thought it might be Mozart, Beethoven and Schubert.

I'm not that good on those, but better than on these.

Now, let's have a name.

I'm going to have to go for the bottom one. Brian Wilson.

Brian Wilson. Let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

It is right.

Still going down, Martin. Very well done. 16!

Well done!

-16 for Brian Wilson.

-He formed the Beach Boys in 1961.

It was a shot in the dark, cos it's just the name of a neighbour I had when I lived in south London.

-How is Brian?

-If he's watching... Hi, Brian! Thanks.

-Hey, Brian.

-You know Brian Wilson.

-Yeah, we were two doors up from him.

-He's lovely.

Still got our strimmer, Brian. That's all I'll say.

-Thanks very much indeed. Now, then, Matthew.

-Yeah?

-Matthew.

I'm just thrilled to be here in this second round, it's just fantastic.

-What are you going to go for?

-I'll give you the Pet Shop Boys.

-I think it's Neil Tennant.

-Neil Tennant says Matthew.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Neil Tennant.

He's right.

-24.

-Ooh!

-24!

-APPLAUSE

Good answer. Pet Shop Boys had a Christmas number one - Always On My Mind.

Fairytale Of New York was never a Christmas number one, cos of Neil Tennant.

-Thank you, Richard. Now, Helen.

-Hello.

You looked delighted when this round was announced.

I was a massive Boyzone fan.

But the surnames are tricky.

So, I love Boyzone and I went to lots of their concerts.

So I'm going to go with Boyzone, and

-I'm going to go with Shane Lynch.

-Shane Lynch, says Helen.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 said it.

It's right.

Still going down, look at that! Brilliant answer. Well done.

Another cracking answer. 8 is your score.

Well played, Helen. Agatha Christie and Shane Lynch. Some knowledge.

Louis Walsh put Boyzone together, they had six number-one singles.

Thanks. Halfway through the round, let's see the scores.

8 the best score. Pam and Helen have a commanding lead at this stage.

Up to 16, where we find Martin and Nerys, and 24 for Matthew and Chris.

Chris, we need a low-scoring answer to keep you in the game.

Best of luck. Can the second players please take their places on the podium?

OK, we are looking for members of all these "boy" bands.

-Now, Pam, Pam.

-I knew I would be easily unhorsed.

And I am now unhorsed.

No, listen, I really don't know. I'm utterly adrift.

I'll make up an American-sounding name for the Beach Boys.

Pam, before you do make up a name, just so you know, this has worked

-twice before in Pointless history where people have made up a name.

-No!

Someone made up a name for a politician, got a pointless answer.

-I remember that one!

-Someone made a name for an actor and got a pointless answers.

It's doable. It is vanishingly unlikely, but it is doable.

Right, then, Pam, what are you going to go for?

George...

-..Brown.

-LAUGHTER

Er, George Brown. Well, the high scorers, on 24, are Chris and Matthew. You're on 8.

If you score 15 or less, you are through to the head-to-head.

Let's see if George Brown was in the Beach Boys.

-Oh, Pam!

-Really?

-That's a shock.

-That is a shock.

-'Fraid he wasn't.

That scores you the maximum of 100 points.

It may not be the last 100 points of this round, though.

-Richard?

-I think you could be right, looking at some people's expressions

-Thanks very much. Now, then, Chris.

-Yes?

-Chris.

Oh, no. Chris, have you got an answer?

I have, yeah.

108 are our high scorers, Pam and Helen. You're on 24.

-If we get 100, we're gone.

-83 or less keeps you in the game.

Matthew is trying to act the name of a Pet Shop Boy for you.

Stephen Gately.

Stephen Gately. There is your red line, Chris.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Stephen Gateley.

That is a brilliant answer, Chris.

-22!

-APPLAUSE

22 takes your total up to 46.

You are in the head-to-head. Richard?

He passed away, sadly, in 2009 - one of the founding members of Boyzone.

Now, then. Nerys, have you come up with a good answer?

Rowan... Rowan... that Irish boy.

I love him, he's so sexy.

And I can't remember his name.

Sadly, we're going to need an answer. What are you going to say?

Um-um-um-um-um... Rowan Kelly.

-Rowan Kelly.

-No.

-Rowan Kelly, says Nerys.

-You need to score 91 or less. There's your red line.

-It's 100.

Let's just see. Rowan Kelly may have been in the Beastie Boys.

Rowan Kelly. Is it right? How many people said it?

No! Bad luck, Nerys. I'm so sorry.

It's horrible when you're on the spot. You'll kick yourself.

-Sorry, Martin.

-That scores 100 points and your total is 116.

-I'm really sorry.

-Yeah.

-Bad luck.

-The end.

-So sorry, Nerys.

-It's Ronan Keating.

-Ronan Keating!

-Of course!

Ronan would have scored you 49 points and seen you safely through.

Here are the lowest-scoring answers. There's only one pointless answer.

The Beastie Boys are the best place for your lowest scorers.

Mike D, or Michael Diamond, was a pointless answer.

Adam Horovitz scored one and Adam Yauch who sadly passed away in 2012 would also have scored one.

The Beach Boys - you've got Brian Wilson's two brothers, Dennis would have scored two and Carl four.

Also Al Jardine and Mike Love would have scored three and two points.

-The other Pet Shop Boy is Chris Lowe.

-Oh, yes.

Chris Lowe would've scored two points. Well done if you said that.

The lowest scoring of the Boyzone boys was Mikey Graham.

-Couldn't remember his surname.

-Mikey would've scored you three.

Keith Duffy would've scored 11.

And the Backstreet Boys - five points for AJ McLean, Howie Durrough and Kevin Richardson.

And Nick Carter scored 13.

Let's look at the top answers, the ones most of our 100 people said.

Stephen Gately - 22, Neil Tennant - 24 and Ronan Keating - 49.

Very well done if you got a low scorer at home.

Still holding on to that quill, Richard. Good.

-I might keep it for the regular shows, now.

-I think you should.

-It's a

-good look. It's quite nice.

Thanks very much. So Nerys and Martin, I'm so sorry.

Our high scorers, there. It got harder and harder as it went along.

-Great fun.

-They all took all the ones I knew, so I had nothing left.

That's always the way, though.

Ah. Well, it's been lovely having you on the show.

-Thank you both so much for playing. Nerys and Martin.

-Thank you!

But for the remaining two pairs, it's time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Matthew and Chris, Helen and Pam.

You are one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot which stands at £2,500.

Now, to decide which pair will play for that money, you'll now go head-to-head.

But you're now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will play for that jackpot.

This is going to be very close indeed. Best of luck.

Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

..film costumes. What are they?

Film costumes.

-I don't recognise either of those words.

-No.

We'll show you five costumes that have been worn in famous films.

Just tell us the name of the film it was worn in. Best of luck.

Very good. Let's reveal our five film costumes.

We have got...

OK, there we are. Five famous film costumes.

Matthew and Chris, you've played best throughout the show so far, so you go first.

-You can do the answer.

-Oh, man! Don't make me do that!

-All right, I'm tempted to go for C and say...

-We'll go for C, then.

-Breakfast At Tiffany's. Audrey Hepburn.

-C. Breakfast At Tiffany's.

Now, Helen and Pam, talk us through the rest of the board.

Well, we're struggling with A. I was thinking, maybe, Mary Poppins.

Yes, we think B's the duet from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

C - Breakfast At Tiffany's. D - maybe Howard's End?

-Not sure.

-Not convinced.

-Great Gatsby?

-Could be a few.

-Yes. And Wizard Of Oz for E.

-So which is the best?

-I think B.

-OK.

-I think go with Marilyn.

-Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

-Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

So we have Breakfast At Tiffany's versus Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

Matthew and Chris said C is Breakfast At Tiffany's. Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

-Ooh, that's a great answer. 11.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

11 for Breakfast At Tiffany's.

Helen and Pam went for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Let's see if it's right.

11 is what you have to beat.

It's right.

Is it going to beat 11? Down it goes...

-Ooh! 18. Bad luck.

-APPLAUSE

-Very close, though.

-Well done.

Very well done, Matthew and Chris. You are up one-nil.

Very good answers. That's Marilyn Monroe's dress when she sings Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.

Audrey Hepburn's dress they sold at auction.

-Went for £467,000.

-Wow.

Now, A was worn by Eliza Doolittle.

-My Fair Lady.

-Singing The Rain In Spain in My Fair Lady.

It was a terrific answer. Would've scored you one point.

And D is worn by Julie Andrews...

-..in the Sound Of Music.

-Really?

-I wouldn't have got that.

It would've scored you three points.

The biggest scorer - the ruby slippers from The Wizard Of Oz.

That would've scored you 49 points.

Thank you very much. Here comes your second question, Helen and Pam.

You must win this one to stay in the game. Good luck. It concerns...

-..snooker.

-Thank goodness for that(!)

-Richard, snooker?

-The good news is, everybody looks upset. Don't panic.

We'll give you five clues to facts about the game of snooker.

Just give us the most obscure answer.

Let's reveal our five clues to facts about snooker. We have got...

HE READS

I'll read those clues one final time.

Helen and Pam, you go first this time.

-Ooh-ooh.

-This is tough.

-What are we going to do?

-I would go for the first... the top one,

which is better to be remembered than the lower one.

The very first one is Pot Black.

Pot Black. Pot Black say Helen and Pam.

Matthew and Chris, talk us through the rest of the board if you can.

Talk you through the rest of the board?!

The red balls are in a triangle.

The Welsh player nicknamed Dracula and world champion - no idea.

And we think that the venue that began hosting World Championships

was Sheffield. The Crucible.

-Did you play it?

-No, I've been there, I've seen things there.

Have you played the Crucible, Matthew?

-I'm doing it now, I'm going to do The History Boys there.

-Are you?

-Yeah, yeah. It's a great theatre.

-It's where we first met.

-Yes, it is.

-Helen, have you played the Crucible at all?

-No, Xander, have you?

-No, it's a lovely building, though.

I played the Crucible in '85.

I got knocked out in the first round, unfortunately.

LAUGHTER

HE RINGS BELL

APPLAUSE

Well done!

Now, then. Matthew and Chris, what are you going to go for?

We'll go for the name of the venue, the Crucible in Sheffield.

The Sheffield Crucible. So we have Pot Black and the Crucible.

Helen and Pam said Pot Black. Is it right? How many people said it?

-28.

-APPLAUSE

28. Helen, how are you thinking about 28? How do we feel about that?

-Happy? Will that keep you in the game?

-Touch and go, I would say.

-I think probably not.

-My logic was that the Crucible is still happening so more people might know it.

OK. Matthew and Chris said the Crucible. Is that right?

Is it going to beat 28?

He's right.

It's going to be close. Ooh!

Look at that. 30. Very well done, Helen and Pam.

Back in the game. After two questions, it's one all.

That was close. This is a good head-to-head. Well played.

Let's fill in the rest. The Welsh player, nicknamed Dracula,

because of his widow's peak.

I've no idea. (OMINOUSLY) Dracula!

-Ray Reardon.

-Oh, Reardon!

Would've scored you 26. Triangle is absolutely right.

Scored lower than you'd think - 68 points.

The 2012 world champion, his fourth world title, was Ronnie O'Sullivan.

10 points it would've got you.

This is very exciting. Whoever wins this question goes into the final

and plays for that jackpot for their charity.

Our third question concerns...

-..breeds of pig.

-Of course!

-LAUGHTER

-Breeds of pig, Richard.

-We'll show you the names of five breeds of pig,

but left out alternate letters. Fill them in and tell us the breed.

OK, five breeds of pig with bits missing. Let's reveal them.

HE READS

I'll read those again without the blanks.

Five breeds of pig. Matthew and Chris, you go first.

Because we're not going to take the risk of guessing two,

-we're going to go the last but one and say Welsh.

-Welsh.

I'm sure it'll score 98, but still.

OK, Welsh, say Matthew and Chris. Welsh.

Helen and Pam, talk us through the rest.

Second one is Gloucester Old Spot.

-Then Hampshire.

-Hampshire.

-The first one is tough.

-British something.

-Something A, C, K?

-Not sure.

-Not sure.

-And the last one - you thought maybe Doric?

-Doric.

As in column.

-THEY LAUGH

-Really?

-Well,...

-..what other letters would go in there?

-Could be Derek.

-Derek the pig?!

-Yeah.

-Derek Trotter?

-LAUGHTER

Entertainer.

-APPLAUSE

-Derek Trotter.

-Excellent!

-HE RINGS BELL

-Right.

-Or do we go for Gloucestershire Old Spot?

-Yeah, go on, then.

-Yeah, let's do that.

-What's it going to be?

-BOTH:

-Gloucestershire Old Spots.

Gloucestershire Old Spots say Helen and Pam. Matthew and Chris say Welsh

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people said Welsh.

It's right.

-32.

-APPLAUSE

32 for Welsh.

That was a bit of a guess, wasn't it? I think, or not?

-I thought it was Welsh. It's not something I knew.

-James Herriot would've known that.

-Exactly!

-I am NOT James Herriot.

-I keep forgetting!

Wait a minute. Yes, you are.

You can't have Christopher Timothy telling you he's not James Herriot.

That's what James Herriot looks like. Anyway, thank you.

Helen and Pam, you're going for Gloucestershire Old Spots.

-Do you think you'll beat 32?

-No.

-No.

Let's find out. Is it right? How many people said it?

It is right.

Ooh! You've done it! Very well done.

-APPLAUSE

-14 for Gloucestershire Old Spots. Very well done.

Helen and Pam, after three questions, you're in the final - two-one. Brilliant head-to-head.

-Richard?

-Yeah, Gloucestershire Old Spots. A large, meaty pig.

Funnily enough, all the answers would've beaten Welsh.

So if you said Hampshire, you were right and it would've scored 18.

-Oh.

-Wow!

-We'd have still lost.

If you'd said Doric, you'd have been wrong and scored 100 points.

-Duroc.

-Duroc.

-Would've scored nine points.

Now, the top one - you're right about British and some people at home will have worked this out.

-Do you know that one at all?

-It's something-back, is it?

-British Saddleback.

-Saddleback! Course it is.

That would've scored seven points. It's the best answer up there.

So at the end of our head-to-head, very exciting round,

I'm afraid Matthew and Chris, very hard-fought, you very narrowly lost,

-but you did lose so we have to say goodbye.

-It's been a pleasure.

-Matthew, Chris, thank you so much for playing. Wonderful contestants.

-APPLAUSE

But, for Helen and Pam, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Helen and Pam! You've fought off the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities

It stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Now, Pam, in the head-to-head, you strode to the fore there.

-With my fine knowledge of pig life.

-And pigs, yes.

-Yes.

Thank goodness you didn't go Derek. Have you heard of a Duroc?

-Never, no.

-It sounds exotic.

-Doesn't it?

-Yes.

-Very best of luck.

Remember you can confer, and this time you can talk at normal volume.

As always, you have to choose a category to start this round.

Your choices are...

HE READS OPTIONS

It's between film directors and islands of the world.

-I'd go British girl bands, so this is going well(!)

-Oh.

You feel confident? Cos I can't help you on that.

If you feel confident, I'll go with it.

You're very good at geography.

-Not VERY good, it's pure chance.

-We should be good at film directors.

-But are we?

-No.

-LAUGHTER

-shall we go islands of the world?

No, listen, if you feel strong on girl bands,

I'll just sit here and make a cup of tea.

Um, no, I think, let's go... Islands of the world.

-SHE GIGGLES NERVOUSLY

-OK! OK!

-OK. You're going to go islands of the world.

-OK!

-Richard?

We're going to give you three different options,

so you can take all three answers from one option, or one from each.

If you're good on one of them, then concentrate on that.

Let's take a look at the three options you have.

We're looking for any countries in Oceania, so any country in the continent of Oceania.

Any islands of the Azores.

Any major island in the Portuguese Azores.

Or any capitals of any Caribbean islands.

So any Caribbean islands, we want their capitals.

By country, we mean sovereign state that is a member of the UN.

So capitals of Caribbean countries, any islands of the Azores,

or any countries in Oceania. Very best of luck.

As always, you've got a minute to come up with three answers.

Only one answer has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot of £2,500

The answers you provide can come from any of these three categories.

They can come from one of them, from all three of them, it's up to you.

-But they can be from...

-HE READS

Are you ready?

-Yes!

-Yes.

-OK. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

-There they are. Time starts now.

-Can we eliminate the Azores?

-Yes.

-You don't know about them?

-Nothing.

-Countries of Oceania - I'm assuming that means the Pacific?

-Mm-hm.

-So I'm going to suggest New Caledonia.

-Yes.

Because it's not a very well-known one. Any others?

-I've got no idea.

-OK.

-Um,...

You've got Tahiti, you've got, um...

-Shall we go for those two?

-Galapagos.

-Oh, Galapagos?

-Shall we try Galapagos?

-That's a good one. People won't know that.

It's an island, not inhabited. OK. New Caledonia, Galapagos.

Any capitals? What's the capital of St Kitts? That's fairly obscure.

-Anybody know that?

-No, I don't

-Don't put your hands up.

-THEY LAUGH

-Um... Anyone... Anywhere...

-What's the capital of Jamaica?

-Kingston?

-Or that one that had the earthquake.

-10 seconds left.

-Port-au-Prince. Port-au-Prince.

-Yeah.

Capital of the country that had the big earthquake.

-Port-au-Prince. Begins with D.

-HELEN GASPS

-OK, that's your time up.

-Well, we've made three answers.

-Time for your three answers.

-OK.

-What are you going to go for?

-We'll go for the Galapagos islands.

-Which category is that in?

-That's countries in Oceania.

-OK.

-And New Caledonia.

-New Caledonia in the same category.

-Yes.

-Then, in the bottom category...

-Capitals of the Caribbean.

-We're going for Port-au-Prince.

-Port-au-Prince. Very good.

-Which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-It's not a country, Galapagos, is it?

I don't... I don't know whether it's a country or not.

Let's try New Caledonia last.

New Caledonia last. Which shall we put first?

-Galapagos.

-I think... Yes.

Galapagos we'll put first. And in the middle, Port-au-Prince.

Let's put those up in that order. We've got...

HE READS

Best of luck. Your first answer was Galapagos. Let's see if it's right.

If it is and it's pointless, you win today's jackpot.

Are the Galapagos islands in Oceania? Let's find out.

NO!

Well, maybe they are. They may not be a country.

Your second answer was Port-au-Prince.

If it's right, you will win the jackpot for your charities. What is your charity, Helen?

Mine is the Mayhew Animal Home,

which looks after dogs and cats and strays they take in, in North London

APPLAUSE

-Pam, what's your charity?

-Similar thing, really.

I'm going for the Blue Cross, because they, in tough times,

help people who can't afford vets' fees,

so the people and the animals gain.

-APPLAUSE

-Very good. Two wonderful charities there. Best of luck.

Best of luck with your two remaining answers. Port-au-Prince.

A Caribbean capital. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right. The Galapagos islands was an incorrect answer,

but Port-au-Prince is taking us down through the 40s, through the 30s,

into the 20s, into the teens - if this goes down to zero,

you leave here with 2,500... Oh, no!

-APPLAUSE

-Two. That's a great answer, though.

Very well done, Pam and Helen. Lovely answer, there.

Sadly, not a pointless answer. Only one more chance to win the jackpot.

-I have my doubts about New Caledonia now.

-That was your final answer,

another country in Oceania.

Let's see if it's right and if it is, how many people said New Caledonia.

Oh, no! Bad luck.

APPLAUSE

Bad luck, Helen and Pam.

-Never mind.

-Three great answers - one of them brilliant,

two of them incorrect, unfortunately. Still great answers.

But you didn't find that all-important pointless answer, so you don't win that jackpot,

-but as it's a celebrity special, we'll donate £500 to each pair's charities.

-Thank you.

-So that's something, anyway.

-APPLAUSE

We really loved having you on the show.

-And remember, you do get to take home our Pointless trophy each.

-Yes!

-So well done.

-Wonderful.

-Very well done, indeed. Richard.

Valiant effort. Very well played, both of you.

-New Caledonia is in Oceania, but it's part of France.

-Of course.

-The Galapagos is part of Ecuador.

-Of course.

-And not in Oceania.

Funnily enough, you said "What's the capital of St Kitts?"

-That's Basseterre and that WAS a pointless answer.

-Yes! I just...

Let's take a look at some pointless answers, for the people at home.

Countries in Oceania - Kiribati, the Marshall Islands, Solomon Islands...

-Tuvalu.

-Tuvalu - a big old pointless favourite, Tuvalu.

Vanuatu, another pointless favourite would have scored a couple of points.

Let's see the next category. Surely no-one at home has any of these.

If you have, well done - if you're from the Azores.

Corvo, Flores, Pico and Sao Miguel.

All pointless answers. You did well to get rid of that immediately.

The last category was capitals of Caribbean countries.

Basseterre is capital of St Kitts,

-Nassau!

-Nassau is the Bahamas.

-Should've got that.

Port of Spain is Trinidad and Tobago and Santo Domingo -

capital of the Dominican Republic.

Roseau, capital of Dominica, was also a pointless answer.

-Very well done to anyone who got those at home.

-Thank you.

We have to say goodbye, Helen and Pam, but we have loved having you.

-Brilliant contestants. Helen and Pam!

-APPLAUSE

Join us next time for more obscure knowledge on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And from me.

-Goodbye.

-APPLAUSE