Sitcoms Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and a very warm welcome to Pointless Celebrities,

the quiz show where you are rewarded for knowing obscure answers.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

-And, couple number one.

-Now, listen very carefully.

I shall say this only once. Thank you.

My name is Vicki Michelle and I was in a television series called

'Allo, 'Allo.

-And my gorgeous friend here is...

-Flattered to say the least.

My name is Ian Lavender. I was Pike.

And I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that

I never said, "Don't tell him."

Stupid boy.

Vicky and Ian.

APPLAUSE

And couple number two.

I'm Phil and this is my dear friend Meera and we go back a long,

-long way, don't we?

-I don't know who he is. I have absolutely no idea.

That's the truth.

APPLAUSE

And couple number three.

Hello, I'm Ewen.

I'm an actor and this is my friend Simon who I brought,

who is also an actor. By coincidence.

I'm Simon and I was in I'm Alan Partridge.

I played Michael the Geordie.

And meet our couple number three, Ewen and Simon G.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, my name is Simon D.

I am a man and this is my friend Arabella and we met when we

participated in the popular sketch show of the late '90s

The Fast Show.

APPLAUSE

And these, ladies and gentlemen, are today's contestants.

CHEERING

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's a man who's wise beyond his years.

Despite appearances, he's only 14.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everyone.

CHEERING

-Hi.

-Hey.

-How are you?

-Very exciting. I'm very well, thank you.

This is good, isn't it?

-Normally, when we ask people to introduce themselves it's easy.

-Yeah.

These guys seem to make it look very hard work. Did you notice that?

Each and every one of them are professional.

It's like a veritable "Who's That?" of British comedy.

Do you know what, I'm so glad you're here, Si.

But it should be a cracker.

Question One I think you'll all be quite good at.

You'll have to think a little bit about it

but it's a perfectly doable question.

I don't think we will see any 100 points in Round One.

OK. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

All our questions on Pointless have been put

to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers

those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a Pointless answer.

This is an answer that none of our 100 people gave

and each time that happens we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special

and each of our lovely celebrities is playing for a nominated

charity, we start out with a jackpot of...

-CHEERING

-Yep.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, in this first round I'm going to take an answer from each of you

but there is to be no conferring.

Whichever pair has the highest score at the end of the round will be

eliminated, so do everything you can to make sure that's not you.

Our first category today is...

Geography. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Countries that do not contain the letter "E", Richard?

Yeah, we're looking for any country in the world that in its usual

English name does not have the letter "E".

Please, we won't accept abbreviations like USA. That's cheating.

Just any country of the world that does not contain the letter "E".

As always, by country we mean a sovereign state that is

a member of the UN in its own right.

Very, very best of luck to all teams.

Ian and Vicki, you all drew lots before the show

and today you are going to go first.

So, Ian...

-Whose idea was it to come on this?

-Not mine. Not mine.

-It was some Latvian. I'll go for Latvia.

-Oh, going to go for Latvia.

Latvia, says Ian.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Latvia.

Perfectly good answer, Ian.

Look at that, it's a lovely low score. 9. Brilliant, single figures.

Excellent.

That's a very good start, Ian. Latvia, spell it out, no "E" in it.

Do it at home, write it down. No "E".

Be a terrible answer in "Countries Without A "V" In Them"

but in this round it's terrific.

Cracking answer. Phil, welcome to Pointless Celebrities.

Phil, what's going to be good for you?

What are the areas you are hoping are going to come up?

Well, anything of a sporting nature.

I'm into all sorts of team sports and stuff.

-You're a very keen runner, aren't you, Phil?

-I am, actually.

I'm a bit of an obsessed runner, really. I have to go out every day.

I mean, it's just something I enjoy doing.

-Lovely.

-No, it is.

It is. It is.

Phil, we're looking for any country without an "E" in its name.

Right, doesn't contain... I'm going to say Chad.

Chad, says Phil. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Chad.

It's right.

It's another nice, low score.

Look at that. Very well done, Phil.

That's a Pointless answer.

It adds 250 quid to today's jackpot. Takes the total up to...

-And it scores you nothing. Very well done, Phil.

-Thank you, mate.

-Great start.

-That's a terrific answer.

A very good start to your Pointless career.

ARABELLA LAUGHS Gained independence from France in...

Not a pointless career in that way, Arabella.

-Thanks very much indeed. Now, Ewen.

-Hi.

-Ewen, welcome to the show.

What are going to be your strong categories on this?

Probably sort of film. That sort of thing.

Maybe a little bit of sport, football.

-Not geography.

-Not geography at all?

-No.

-You've got to have a good country without an "E" in it, surely?

-Um...

I'll try Hungary.

Hungary. Hungary. OK, let's see if that's right. I'm guessing it is.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Hungary.

It is right.

11.

Not a bad score at all, Ewen.

-11 for Hungary.

-Well played, Ewen.

1946, Hungary issued the biggest ever bank note.

It was 100 quintillion pengo.

-Seriously?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK. Now then, Arabella...

You're going to be good at geography,

-you spent a lot of your life living abroad, haven't you?

-Yep.

-So, Arabella, a nice country with no "E" in it.

-Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka, says Arabella. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Sri Lanka.

It's right.

5 for Sri Lanka.

Our second lowest score so far, Arabella. Very well done.

Well played, Arabella. The world's largest exporter of tea.

OK, well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores as they stand. 0 the best score there.

Very well done.

Phil and Meera looking pretty strong on the back of that.

On to Arabella and Simon on 5. Up to 9, where we find Ian and Vicki.

And then up to 11, where we find Ewen and Simon G.

So you're a little bit ahead, Simon.

We need a nice low score from you in the next pass to make sure

you get through to Round Two. Best of luck with that.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, remember we are looking for countries that do not contain

-the letter "E" in their name. Simon?

-Yes?

Simon, welcome to Pointless Celebrities.

Great to have you here. What are you up to at the moment?

At the moment I'm in the West End in a play.

-What play are you in?

-The Ladykillers.

-It's a fabulous play, that.

-It's brilliant.

-Graham Linehan's adaptation of it.

-It's very funny.

-OK, well you want to score 5 or less to avoid becoming the new high scorers.

-OK.

Paraguay.

Paraguay, says Simon D.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

Here's your red line.

If you get below that red line you are definitely through

to the next round. Paraguay.

It's right.

9. That's OK. 9 takes your total up to 14.

I reckon that's probably enough to see you through. Richard.

I have to say, everyone's scoring brilliantly in this round.

It's going very, very well, isn't it?

14 being the target score is very, very low.

Very low, indeed. Now, Simon...

-Simon.

-So good they named me twice.

LAUGHTER

-You've come as a Bishop tonight, Simon.

-I have indeed.

God bless you for that.

If you want to kneel, I'll take your confession.

No, I'm fine, I'll keep on my feet. Thank you, Simon.

Now then, the high scorers at the moment, Simon and Arabella on 14.

That means if you can score 2 or less,

you'll avoid becoming the new high scorers.

OK, I'm going to...

I had something in mind, but after Simon's answer,

I've changed my mind and I'm going to go Uruguay.

OK, Uruguay, says Simon G.

Here is your red line, it's a bit lower than Simon D's was.

There we are, if you get below that,

you'll avoid becoming the new high scorers.

How many of our 100 people said Uruguay?

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh...

Eight.

APPLAUSE

Eight takes your total up to 19.

Well played, Simon. No Es, got three Us in it.

It's interesting, all the parents at home know Simon

from being Geordie Michael on I'm Alan Partridge.

What none of the kids at home realise is he's the man

who made 100 quintillion pengo out of being

the voice of a very popular meerkat.

Of course, yes.

I thought you were talking about The Octonauts,

-which is another thing parents know Simon for.

-Yes.

Michael's out.

Yes, yes, keep him in for now. Er...

-LAUGHTER

-It's my catch phrase.

-Which is?

-Barnacle's out.

-LAUGHTER

-My kids love that.

Yes, yes.

-Meera. Welcome to Pointless Celebrities, Meera.

-Thank you.

What are you up to at the moment, Meera?

Um, I'm... Well,

WE are about to start shooting another series of The Kumars.

-Which is very exciting.

-Yes.

-You do lots of writing as well.

Are you writing things at the moment?

Yes, I'm halfway through my third novel.

I know, it sounds grander than it is.

There's nothing more terrifying than the blank page. But...

-Halfway through is good though.

-Yes, yes.

-It's only ten words long, but I'm doing really well.

-Well, OK.

-There's lots of pictures.

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Now then, the high scorers are Simon and Ewen on 19.

If you can score 18 or less, through you go to Round Two.

We're looking for any country without an "E" in it.

I'm going to take a punt on... I hope this is a country,

Burkina Faso.

Burkina Faso. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

There is your red line. If you get below that,

you're through to Round Two.

It's right.

Oh, I think it's a good one, Meera.

Very well done, you're through.

And it's pointless, double pointless from the second podium!

APPLAUSE

That also adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £3,000.

It scores you nothing and it leaves your total at nothing.

Very well done indeed. What a fantastic Pointless debut.

Brilliant, you literally can't do better than that.

Zero points after two answers. That's a terrific answer. Burkina Faso.

The Mossi tribe in Burkina Faso wear antelope masks seven foot high.

They wear them on two occasions, they wear them for funerals

and they wear them to guard fruit.

-Those are the two occasions they wear them.

-Brilliant.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

-Vicki.

-Yes?

Best till last.

Welcome to Pointless Celebrities.

-Thank you.

-Now, how are we feeling about geography?

-Is that a strong suit for you?

-No, I hate it.

-Really?

-Geography's not one of my strong points.

What are the categories you were hoping might come up today?

-Probably film and comedies.

-Yes.

-Musicals.

-Yes.

-Maybe...

-Those sort of things.

-Geography.

-And...

Letters, I like Scrabble. So, you know, words.

-When you... Words...

-Words, yes.

-I like a good word round.

-Yes, words.

Good, OK, now then, you're on 9.

The high scorers on 19 are still

Simon and Ewen. If you can score nine or less,

you are through to the next round.

We're looking for countries whose names don't contain an "E".

Zambia.

Zambia, says Vicki. OK, here comes your red line.

Get below that, you are in Round Two.

Let's see how many people said Zambia.

It's right.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooooh....

You've done it!

Look at that. Four for Zambia.

Very, very well done indeed. 13, your total.

Brilliant, Vicki.

Very well played. Well played, all four teams.

For 19 to be the biggest score is quite some going.

It's weird, I was recently in Mozambique and you're always

looking through to see if there's any English telly wherever you go.

They only had one channel and all it showed,

they would have an episode of Come Dine With Me,

then an episode of 'Allo 'Allo!

Then they'd just keep, repeat, repeat, repeat.

I've seen a lot of you in the last few months.

-Well, you've got very good taste, darling.

-Well...

Literally it was all that was on.

-LAUGHTER

-OK.

-Did you laugh?

-Of course I laughed.

-That's all right.

I love Come Dine With Me. LAUGHTER

-You're very tricky, Dicky.

-I did laugh. I'm...genuinely a fan.

-I'm not going to say anything...

-Thank you.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

There's quite a few up here.

We already had Chad from Phil, which was a terrific answer...

You could also have had Burundi, Dominica, Honduras, Kiribas,

Marshall Islands, Tanzania, Togo and Tuvalu.

Well done if you said any of those.

Let's take a look at the most popular answers, the ones that most of our 100 people said.

These are the ones to avoid in this show...

..and right at the top...

Spain would have been right at the top of the shop, 74 points.

Thanks very much indeed. So, at the end of our first round,

the pair heading home with a frankly very low score

but nonetheless it's the highest score, 19, it's Simon and Ewen.

Who goes out on 19?!

Well, you do, actually! As it happens.

But two perfectly good answers. Uruguay...

-What might you have gone for if you hadn't gone for Uruguay?

-Cyprus.

-Cyprus would have scored you seven points.

-There you are.

Simon, Ewen, it's been lovely having you on the show, albeit briefly.

Thanks very much for playing. Simon and Ewen!

APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

So, only three pairs remain.

Now, it's just one more round before you're allowed to confer.

Meera and Phil, fantastic performance from you there.

Lovely double pointless.

And then only one point between the other two pairs.

So it's going to be very, very close indeed.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

-What does it mean, "bad movies"?

-And the question concerns...

Films that have won Golden Raspberry Awards. Richard?

Each year the Golden Raspberry Awards are held, they're like the anti-Oscars,

so they celebrate the worst films that have been made in the previous 12 months.

On each pass now, we're going to give you six clues

to films which have won Golden Raspberry Awards.

You need to tell us the name of one of these films, please. There will be 12 in all to have a go at at home.

OK. Thanks very much. So we're looking for the Razzie Award-winning films

described by each of these clues. Here is our first board of six...

LAUGHTER

OK, I'll read through those one last time...

There we are. Now, Ian. What do you make of that board, Ian?

Not much, to be quite honest. Erm...

That's going to score so many.

Em, Godfather Part III?

For the third film of Coppola's gangster saga?

OK, Godfather Part III, says Ian. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many people said Godfather Part III.

It's right.

-VICKI:

-Wow! Yes!

-31.

-APPLAUSE

31, not bad.

Yeah, Sofia Coppola won that worst supporting actress award.

She went on to direct Lost in Translation, though, so she's done OK.

-She has.

-She's put it behind her.

-She has. Meera?

This is really tough.

Meera, can you keep up your fantastic record from Round One?

No, definitely not. I know one of the films on there for definite,

but I suspect it's going to be the highest scoring one.

SHE SIGHS

Is it better to say a right answer that's high

than an answer that's completely wrong?

OK, I'll go for the Sharon Stone one then.

I think that could be Basic Instinct 2.

Basic Instinct 2, says Meera. Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said Basic Instinct 2.

It's right!

Well, 31's our only score so far... and you pass that.

-21.

-APPLAUSE

Well done, Meera. That one - worst picture, worst actress,

worst sequel or prequel and worst screenplay.

-LAUGHTER

-Sorry I missed it, really!

Yeah, it's a treat!

Simon, you're the last person to have this board.

-Do you want to talk us through it - fill in all those blanks?

-Yeah,

there's the two massive ones that everyone knows.

And I should know the Bond film but I don't.

I'm going to have to say the Spice Girls film -

Spice Girls: The Movie.

Spice Girls: The Movie. Well, let's find out.

Spice Girls: The Movie, is it right?

How many people said that?

No, Simon!

Should have said Mamma Mia.

You're going to kick yourself when you hear what it's called

but that is incorrect, I'm afraid. Scores you the maximum of 100.

-I'm sorry.

-Never mind.

-Yeah.

Sorry, Simon. In some ways, it reflects very well on you

-that you don't know the title of it.

-It's a cruel game.

Arabella, do you know the title of it?

I thought it was called Spice Girls: The Movie.

-Oh, that's all right, then.

-It's called Spice World.

-Oh, yes!

-Of course it was.

-Spice World.

That was nominated for worst picture, worst screenplay,

worst screen couple, worst supporting actor,

worst original song and worst new star.

-It was nominated for all of those.

-Impressive.

28 points it scored you.

Now, if you had said Mamma Mia for Pierce Brosnan,

it would have scored you 73 points.

So better than 100

-but still a punishingly high score - 73.

-Yeah, still out.

If you had to have guessed a Bond film, what would you have gone for?

I would have said...

GoldenEye.

Die Another Day, it was. And that would have scored 11.

And the William Shatner film, that is

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

And that would have scored 1 so that's the best answer there.

-Well done if you said that at home.

-Thanks very much indeed.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores.

21 the best score, Meera and Phil looking pretty good on the back of that.

31 - Ian and Vicki.

And then up to 100, I'm afraid, Simon and Arabella.

So, Arabella, it's going to require a very low-scoring answer from you.

So very best of luck with that.

Let's hope that might be enough to keep you in the game.

We're going to come back down the line, now.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK. Let's put six more clues on the board. And here they come.

We have got...

I'll read those all very quickly, one last time.

So remember, we're looking for the Razzie Award-winning films

described by each of these clues.

And, Arabella, we really need a very, very low score from you,

if you're going to stay with us after the end of this round.

I think the one... The ONE I know of Raspberries

isn't up there.

And it was a Sandra Bullock film

and she was very gracious accepting the award.

But I'm going to go for Psycho.

-The remake of the Hitchcock classic?

-Yeah.

OK. Psycho, says Arabella. Psycho.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 said Psycho.

It's right.

21.

-Well done.

-Not great.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

21 for Psycho.

Yeah, it's a pretty much exact shot-for-shot remake of Psycho

for reasons I've never quite fully understood.

-There you go. Now then, Phil.

-Hello there.

Phil, you're the low scorers

at half-time in this round.

There you are on 21.

The highest scorers on 121.

If you can score 99 or less,

you are in the head-to-head.

We're looking for the Razzie Award-winning films

described by these clues.

Now, the one that I really...

Yeah, OK, played a bartender. It's got to be...

I'll go for that one.

Tom Cruise played a bartender in...

You're waiting for the answer, aren't you?

Top Gun.

-No! I've blown it.

-Go on, that's his answer.

No, that's not right.

-I have to accept your first answer!

-Yes.

Oh, do you?! I have...

-It's a tough old game, mate.

-Top Gun? Is it right?

There's your red line.

-I've had it.

-You've had it.

-It ain't Top Gun cos that was '86.

No!

-That was... What am I doing?

-Yeah.

Also, in Top Gun - the clue is he plays a Top Gun pilot

-which is a...

-No, hold on!

That's an incorrect answer.

It scores you the maximum of 100 points,

takes your total up to 121,

where you are joint high scorers with Arabella and Simon.

So did you think Top Gun maybe was the name of the bar? Was that...?

I was just thinking of Cruise...

He goes to bars called Top Gun all the time.

No, it was the wrong answer. What can I say?

Yes, it's a wrong answer, I'll give you that.

If we held our own Golden Raspberries every year,

you'd be nominated for that.

-Oh!

-And you got a pointless answer in the first round.

-Phil, we've both done it.

-A man of extremes.

-Just illustrates, doesn't it?

-Now, Vicki.

-Yes.

Vicki, you're on 31.

If you can score 89 or less,

-you are through to the head-to-head.

-Fabulous!

So what are you going to go for, Vicki?

Well, I think I'm going to go for Tom Cruise

-in Cocktail.

-Cocktail.

I thought it was a great film.

-Ah...

-It's one of my wife's favourite films.

-It's a fabulous film.

-OK, so let's find out.

Tom Cruise - Cocktail, is that right?

Very well done!

Oh, 62 but who cares?!

That takes your total up to 93. Ian and Vicki, well done.

-You're in the head-to-head.

-Cocktail, of course, was the name

of the fighter jet he flew in...

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

Well, listen, this is very exciting indeed. We have a tie.

Arabella and Simon, and Phil and Meera are tied on 121.

So what we're going to do is get each of the two pairs

to give me one more answer

and the pair with the highest score will be eliminated.

So, yes, Phil and Meera, you can confer and give us an answer.

There's one that I think I might know

and it's the more obscure answer

but I might be wrong.

-And there's one I definitely know.

-(The Mariah Carey?)

-Yeah.

-(Which would be the one...?)

The Robert Redford, Demi Moore -

I think that's Indecent Proposal.

Indecent Proposal.

Arabella and Simon, what are you going to go for?

-Well, we're in trouble here.

-We wanted to go for the same one.

Arabella thinks the top one's The Klumps. I don't think it is.

And we're going to end up saying that, probably.

It's the only chance we've got.

OK, so we've got Indecent Proposal and The Klumps.

Let's take them in that order.

Meera and Phil said Indecent Proposal.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said that.

It's right.

37.

37 takes your total up to 158.

So that is the new high score.

Arabella and Simon, you want to be scoring 36 or less.

OK, here's your red line, Arabella and Simon.

Get below that, you're through to the head-to-head. Let's see.

The Klumps, is that right? How many people said it, if it is?

-Oh, no! It's not The Klumps.

-Oh!

-Oh, bad luck, Arabella and Simon.

I'm afraid that scores you the maximum of 100 points,

takes your total up to an unbeatable 221.

Phil and Meera, you are through to the head-to-head.

Yeah, sorry, not The Klumps.

It's another of those films where he played lots of characters

which is why he was nominated for all those things.

-It was Norbit.

-Norbit, that's it!

-Oh!

He was also nominated for worst screen couple with himself,

twice, in that film.

So that is some going. And if you had said Norbit,

it would have been a pointless answer.

It would have been a terrific answer to give.

Now, the Mariah Carey film, anybody else know the...? Meera?

-Is it Glitter?

-Glitter.

It would have scored 7 points, as well. Would have seen you through.

And Halle Berry won Worst Actress and collected her award in person

for Catwoman.

-Oh!

-And Catwoman would have scored you 19.

So Norbit - the best answer up there.

-Very well done if you said that at home.

-Thanks very much indeed.

So at the end of our second round,

I'm afraid it's Arabella and Simon who have to leave us

with their high score of 221. I'm so sorry.

-But you played so well...

-Yeah.

..and then so poorly in this last round.

But it's been lovely having you on the show.

Thanks very much indeed, Arabella and Simon.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question. And it concerns...

Hound dogs. Richard.

We're going to see some pictures of dogs, now.

We like it when we see pictures of dogs.

We're going to show five pictures of dogs,

all of which are in the hound category

of the UK Kennel Club.

You need to tell us the specific breed

you're about to see, please.

Can you pick the most obscure of these five?

OK. Thanks, Richard. Let's reveal our five hound dogs.

Here they are. We have got...

-Aw!

-Aw!

-Mm...

-Meh...

AUDIENCE: Aw!

-Yeah...

-Yeah?

-Yeah. Bit scary.

-Aw!

-Aw!

Aw!

There we are - five dogs.

Vicki and Ian, you've played best throughout the show so far,

so you go first.

VICKI AND IAN WHISPER

-Yeah.

-Go on. Guess.

Um...D. An Irish wolfhound.

D, Irish wolfhound, say Vicki and Ian.

D, Irish wolfhound.

Now, Meera and Phil, talk us through the rest of the board.

We think A is either a basset hound or a bloodhound,

but I'm not sure which.

-Yeah.

-Not sure what B is, do you know?

-No, I don't.

-Is it a chow?

Isn't E a beagle?

It is a beagle, yeah. I think that is a beagle.

Yes, that is.

I think we'll go for...beagle, E.

OK. E, beagle, say Meera and Phil.

We have Irish wolfhound and we have beagle.

Vicki and Ian said Irish wolfhound -

let's see if that's right and how many said it.

It is right.

30.

30 for Irish wolfhound.

Now, you think beagle isn't going to beat that?

I'm not even sure beagle's right, so...

OK. You are saying beagle for E.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many said it.

It is a beagle. You just want it to go lower than 30...

-Oh!

-52 for beagle.

Very well done. Vicki and Ian, after one question,

you are up 1-0.

Well played, Vicki and Ian. Meera and Phil,

you probably would've gone for Irish wolfhound if you were going first.

Now, A - what do you think you would've gone for

if you were forced between basset hound and bloodhound?

-Well...bloodhound.

-Meera?

-Yeah, I think bloodhound.

-Or basset.

-Is it a basset?

It is a basset hound, yeah.

It would've scored you 33 points,

so still wouldn't have won you the point.

Now, B is a Finnish spitz

and it's 1 point.

So very well done if you got that at home.

That's a terrific answer.

And C is the saluki. Saluki.

That would have scored you 8.

Thanks very much, Richard. OK, here comes your second question.

Meera and Phil, you have to win this,

but you get to answer first.

Best of luck. It concerns...

Rather than have me read out the questions for Fawlty Towers,

we have someone far better qualified,

a great friend of the show's -

the wonderful Mr John Cleese.

APPLAUSE

Hello, Xander and Richard.

I'm so sorry I can't be there in person.

But I do have five questions for the players about Fawlty Towers.

The first question is...

In what year was the show first transmitted?

The second question is...

What city does the waiter Manuel hail from?

The third question -

what was the name of the real Basil Fawlty?

Next, what is the military rank of the hotel resident

played by Ballard Berkeley?

And finally, what is the name of the seaside town

where the show is set?

Good luck.

So, there we are - five questions. I will reread them for you...

There we are, five facts about Fawlty Towers.

Meera and Phil...

-Yeah, OK.

-I think I've got three of them and you're dead sure...

I know four out of the five there.

Definitely. 100%.

-100%?

-100%, four out of the five I know.

-It's a question of which one is the most...

-Obscure.

I think the very top one might be the least...

If you're absolutely sure.

I am, I know when it was first broadcast.

I know when Series One was broadcast.

I'm going to go for 1975,

the year the show was first broadcast.

1975, the year the show was first broadcast.

-Vicki and Ian.

-Right...

-The board is all yours.

-Can't challenge on the first date.

-No...

Manuel, we think, comes from Barcelona.

Don't know who the real Fawlty was.

Colonel, played by Bal.

And Torquay...um...

-Torquay?

-Torquay.

-Do you think that's right?

-Torquay.

You're going to go for Torquay, the town it was set in.

Meera and Phil have said 1975.

Let's see if that was right. Let's see how many said 1975.

It was right.

18.

18 for 1975. Very well done indeed, that's a good score.

Now then, Vicki and Ian have gone for Torquay,

the seaside town in which the show is set.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many said Torquay.

It's right.

Ooh, look at that - 65 for Torquay.

Well, two good answers, but yours, Phil, well done -

a cracking answer there, you've done what you needed to do.

You're back in the game after two questions, it's 1-1.

Yeah, good pointless knowledge there, Phil.

Let's take a look at the rest.

I think everyone knew that Manuel is from Barcelona -

would have scored 71.

The military rank of Ballard Berkeley is Major, of course.

Would've scored 45 - so a better answer than Torquay,

still wouldn't have won the point.

The real Basil Fawlty

was the proprietor of the Gleneagles Hotel

that John Cleese stayed in in 1970

and his name was Donald Sinclair,

and would have scored you 3 points, so well done if you said that.

Thanks very much indeed. This is exciting, it's down to a decider.

Question number three. Whoever wins this goes through to the final

and plays for the jackpot. It concerns...

Victorian novels, Richard.

We're going to show you the names of five Victorian novels, but we've missed out a word from each title.

Fill in the word and give us the most obscure.

Best of luck to both teams.

Let's reveal our five Victorian novels, and here they are.

This time, Vicki and Ian, you go first again.

Don't know the Native, don't know the Native.

No, don't know the Native.

Bottom one, I think quite a lot of people will know that.

The Tenant or Mill On The Floss.

OK, um...

The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall.

The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall, say Vicki and Ian.

The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall.

Meera and Phil, can you talk us through the rest of the board?

I think I know the rest of the board except I think

that's the most obscure answer, unfortunately.

The Mill On The Floss, The Old Curiosity Shop,

The Return Of The Native

and I think The Woman In White.

I thought that when I saw it.

Yeah, I think...

I think probably The Return Of The Native

-will be the next lowest answer.

-I would say...

-We'll go for that.

OK, you're going for The Return Of The Native.

We have The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall and The Return Of The Native.

Vicki and Ian went for The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall.

Let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

Oh, it's a good answer. 19.

APPLAUSE

19 for The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall.

Meera and Phil, you've gone for The Return Of The Native.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

It is right.

Is it going to beat 19, though?

Yes, it is, look at that! Oh, 12, very well done indeed.

The Return Of The Native wins it for you.

Very well done, Meera and Phil.

After three questions, you are through to the final, 2-1, well played.

Yeah, that's the way to get to the final. They're the best two answers on the board. Terrific.

Meera's already filled in the rest for us.

The Mill On The Floss would have scored you 55.

The Old Curiosity Shop would have scored you 86.

And The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins.

That would have scored 29. Well done if you got all five at home.

Thanks very much indeed.

So our losing pair at the end of the head-to-head, I'm afraid

it's Vicki and Ian, but that was so close.

That was a brilliant head-to-head. Very well done indeed.

It's been lovely having you on the show.

Thank you so much for playing, Ian and Vicki.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for Meera and Phil it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Meera and Phil, you fought off all the competition

and won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have the chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £3,000.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

You finished as you started.

A fantastic first round for you, double pointless.

They're very rare in any Pointless round.

But particularly in a Celebrities Pointless round.

-Cos we're quite thick, you mean?

-Well, you're not.

Generally they're quite vacuous.

They're much harder questions on the celebrity shows.

Oh, right(!)

He's such a charmer, isn't he?

Best of luck with this final round.

You need to choose a category before we go anywhere.

Your choices are...

'70s Britain's quite good, how are you on that?

You don't look old enough. Do you remember it?

Yeah, vaguely. Yeah, course I remember it.

-Do you remember the '70s?

-I had flares, man, I had flares.

I had flares too. Rupert Bear trousers.

Prince of Wales check.

"Blue stripe or red stripe, sir?" "Oh!"

-And this is one you think you're brilliant at?

-Well, I mean,

You're probably brilliant at tennis, but I won't be.

No, that's not going to help, so I think...

-One we're both happy with.

-I think, yeah.

-You're going for 1970s Britain?

-Yeah.

OK, 1970s Britain it is, Richard.

OK, you'll have 60 seconds to come up with three answers.

I'll give you three options of category,

so you can choose your answers from any category you like.

Can you name us any of the following?

So, between 1970 and 1979.

Any Chancellors of the Exchequer?

Any regular members of Are You Being Served? - in 25 episodes or more?

And acts who had a Christmas number one single between Christmas 1970

and Christmas 1979?

OK, as always, you have a minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that £3,000 for your charities

is for one of those answers to be pointless.

The answers you provide can come from any of these categories.

All three from one, or two from one and one from another.

But as long as they're from Chancellors during the '70s,

regular cast members of Are You Being Served?

or acts with Christmas number ones in the 1970s.

Oh, Christmas, I didn't see that.

Ready? Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are, your time starts now.

-Do you know any Chancellors of the Exchequer?

-I do, yes.

Um, Denis Howe... No, no, no.

-Denis Healey.

-Everyone will know Denis Healey.

-They will, won't they?

Francis Maude. No, um...

-Members of Are You Being Served?

-Yes, I do.

-Mrs Slocombe, everyone knows.

-Everyone knows that.

-Mr Grace?

-Frank Thornton.

Yeah, Frank... Mr Peacock.

-Yeah, Mr Peacock.

-That might be quite a good one.

That's a good one, yeah.

Mr Grace, Mr Peacock. Everyone knows Mrs Slocombe.

We need the actors' names for Are You Being Served?, guys.

-Oh, the actors' names.

-Yeah.

-Who did you say?

-Frank Thornton.

That's a really good one.

OK, Christmas number one.

We must know a Christmas number one in the '70s.

I do, um...

It's, er...

-Wizard, the Christmas number one...

-No, everyone...

-Slade, everyone will know that.

-10 seconds left.

Er...Mull Of Kintyre.

Mull Of Kintyre?

-Was that a Christmas one?

-Yeah. Well, it was a Christmas number one.

Are you sure?

OK, that is your time up

I now need your three answers.

Regular cast members of Are You Being Served? Frank Thornton.

-Frank Thornton.

-Who played Mr P... No.

-Yeah, Mr Peacock.

-Was it?

Anyway, it's Frank Thornton. He was in Are You Being Served?

OK, Frank Thornton. What else?

-Wasn't one of the other ones called Trevor Bannister?

-Yes, he was.

-He's quite obscure.

-He's better than Frank Thornton.

-Do you think so?

-Do you want to bung him up as well?

-Trevor Bannister.

-Yeah.

-OK, Frank Thornton and Trevor Bannister

What's your third answer?

I hate myself now for this. Mull Of Kintyre.

-By Wings.

-Wings.

OK, of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Trevor Bannister.

-Trevor Bannister.

-If it is him.

-No, you're right.

-The name just came in my head.

-We'll put Trevor Bannister last.

Which is your least likely to be pointless, do you think?

-Mull Of Kintyre.

-Mull Of Kintyre.

-So Wings we'll put first.

-OK.

Let's put them on the board in that order, and here they are.

OK, now, best of luck.

Your first answer was Wings.

Let's find out if that's correct.

If it's that, and it's pointless, you will win that jackpot

of £3,000 for your charities.

Let's find out. Wings, is it right? How many people said it?

Was that a Christmas number one holding act from the '70s?

It's right.

Very well said, Phil.

Now, if this goes all the way down to zero,

you will leave here with that £3,000 jackpot for your charities.

It's still going down. Down it goes.

Oh, four!

APPLAUSE

That's a great answer.

-That's a fantastic score.

-Really brilliant.

Sadly, in this final round, we are only interested in pointless answers.

So, your second answer. Frank Thornton.

A member of the cast of Are You Being Served?

If this is correct and pointless, you will win today's jackpot.

Meera, what's your charity?

-The Alzheimer's Society.

-Phil, what's yours?

-It's the NSPCC.

-Excellent, two brilliant charities.

APPLAUSE

Let's hope one of these two remaining answers wins that jackpot.

Let's find out. Was Frank Thornton a member of the cast

of Are You Being Served?

Oh, yes, he was.

Now then, Wings took us down to four. A fantastic answer.

Now then, Frank Thornton takes us down through the twenties

into the teens, down into single figures...

-Oh, five for Frank Thornton.

-Oh, wow!

-OK.

-APPLAUSE

-This was just teeing us up for your final answer.

-Really?

-The one that came to you in a flash.

-But I think I'm really wrong.

I think he might be an athlete instead.

Trevor Bannister, you are thinking of.

Let's find out. Is he a cast member of Are You Being Served?

It's right.

So, first answer, Wings, took us down to four.

Second answer, Frank Thornton, took us down to five.

Now then, Trevor Bannister, taking us down in single figures.

Still going down... Oh, no, one!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

APPLAUSE

Oh, what?!

Who is that one person? I want to find them and tell them off.

-Yeah, come on.

-Listen, three brilliant answers there.

Fantastic low scores for all of them, but you didn't find the all-important pointless answer.

So that means you don't win today's jackpot of £3,000.

However, as it is a celebrity special, we are going to donate £500

to each celebrity pair for their respective charities.

We've loved having you on the show. Thank you for playing.

You do take home a Pointless trophy each, so well done for that.

APPLAUSE

That was very close. We don't often get three answers in the jackpot round in single figures

so it's really unlucky. Let's look at some pointless answers.

I think you chose the right category.

Chancellor of the Exchequer, the only pointless one was Roy Jenkins.

Denis Healey was the biggest scorer with 13.

Next category, cast members of Are You Being Served?

Now, Nicholas Smith is Mr Rumbold.

-And Young Mr Grace was played by Harold Bennett.

-Harold Bennett.

Next best answer after that was Trevor Bannister.

There were ten acts with number one Christmas singles in the '70s.

Benny Hill with Ernie, The Fastest Milkman In The West.

Dave Edmunds, I Hear You Knocking.

And Little Jimmy Osmond, Long-Haired Lover From Liverpool.

Other answers, Pink Floyd would have scored 1, Johnny Mathis 3,

we've seen Wings, Boney M would score 4,

Queen 10, Mud 16, and Slade 63, unsurprisingly.

-I thought there'd be more than that.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

We have to say goodbye to you, Meera and Phil, but it's been brilliant.

Thank you for playing. Meera and Phil, fantastic competitors.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll put more obscure knowledge to the test

-on Pointless. It's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd