Episode 9 Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much indeed. Hello. I'm Alexander Armstrong

and welcome to this special Eurovision edition

of Pointless Celebrities, the quiz show where the aim of the game

is to score as few points as you possibly can by coming up with

the answers no-one else could think of. Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number one.

-Hi. I'm Mike Nolan.

-And I'm Cheryl Baker.

And we won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1981 with...

As Bucks Fizz with Making Your Mind Up.

APPLAUSE

-And couple number two.

-Hello. I'm Dana.

-My name is Johnny Logan

and I won the Eurovision in 1980,

'87,

'92...

I'll just come in right here. I won it in 1970. Just once.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number three.

-Hi. I'm Martin Lee from the band

Brotherhood Of Man. Save Your Kisses For Me,

remember that one? Who knows! This is Sonia.

Yes, and I did Eurovision in 1993 and came second with

Better The Devil You Know.

APPLAUSE

-And finally, couple number four.

-Hi. I'm Chris.

-Hi. I'm Gemma.

-TOGETHER:

-And we are Jemini.

And we scored nul points in 2003

and we are hoping to replicate that score today here at Pointless.

-Well done.

-APPLAUSE

Thanks very much. And these are today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

Thanks all of you. We'll find out about you throughout the show.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Making me feel stupid since 1988, it's my Pointless friend,

-it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Good evening, everybody. Hiya.

-Good evening to you.

-And to you.

-This is exciting, isn't it?

-What about that?!

-It's like royalty.

-Isn't it?

You couldn't get a better line-up. It's unbelievable.

-On podium one, virtually everyone's won the Eurovision.

-Yeah.

-We've got Bucks Fizz.

-I know!

-We've got Johnny and Dana.

Johnny's won it twice. More...

-Kind of three times.

-..if you count as a writer. That's amazing.

-Dana.

-I know.

-Got Brotherhood Of Man, Sonia.

Sonia came second. Everyone else won.

No, I'm just saying. It's all right. I'm about to get onto Jemini.

LAUGHTER

Sonia came second and yet everybody else appears to have won it.

-It's unbelievable. We haven't.

-Well, you haven't.

You do remember I was part of Scooch.

I knew I recognised you. I knew I recognised you.

And on that last podium, two people... We've never had people

better qualified to play Pointless than Jemini.

But just four fantastic teams. Very, very exciting.

It's going to be brilliant.

-I think so.

-I think so too.

-Round One...

Round One, it's going to be very, very easy to get a correct answer,

but very difficult to get a low-scoring one.

But everyone will know an answer for Round One. I guarantee it.

But getting those low scorers is going to be tricky.

OK. Looking forward to it. Thanks, Richard. All of our questions

on Pointless have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers our 100 people couldn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer, an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special

and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

we will start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There it is.

APPLAUSE

Right. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Now, the pair with the highest score at the end of this round

will be eliminated. And do remember, there is to be no conferring during the round.

Best of luck. Our first category today is...

It's a words round. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going

to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Yeah, we're looking for any word that has its own entry

in the Oxford Dictionary of English that's three letters long and begins with C.

Not looking for any hyphenated words, trademarks, proper nouns, anything like that.

Just any word with its own entry in the Oxford Dictionary of English,

three letters long that begins with C.

Thank you, Richard. Cheryl and Mike, you all drew lots before the show

and today you are going to go first.

It's always tough being on that first podium, Cheryl,

particularly with a words around. Need a little bit of time...

for making your minds up.

I just thought of that! I just managed to put that in!

-I've never heard that before.

-I just put that in!

-That's the kind of thing I'm doing today.

-Oh, man. It is going to be...

It's going to be a long night.

I just saw the opening and I thought, "I can say it."

Anyway, listen. Listen. Cheryl, this is your second time on Pointless.

-Welcome back.

-I did really badly last time.

-My first question, I got 100.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-Do you remember what it was?

-Something to do with tennis.

-I can't remember. Yeah.

-But that was with Toyah.

-You brought Mike this time.

-And the next time, she got 100,

-so we were...out on our ear.

-That was it.

-But you had a huge, long, long career.

-It's going on as well.

-Still work together.

-Still singing together?

-Yeah.

-Still performing?

-Me, Mike and Jay.

-But you also had a career in children's TV as well.

-Yes, I did.

-Fantastic.

-All sorts of TV. For years. I was very lucky.

Yeah, very good. Now then, words beginning with C,

three letters long.

Well, there's one I want to say, but I'm not going to go for it

because I'll probably get 100 again, so I'm going to go for cox.

Spelt with three letters, by the way.

LAUGHTER

-Not five.

-OK. Cox. Cheryl's going for cox.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many of our 100 people said cox.

And there you are. Brilliant.

Down it goes. Look at this.

-Fantastic. 15.

-That's very good.

That is a great answer.

A lot of high scorers, I'd have thought, in this round.

But hard to find a nice low score like that. Very well done.

Very well played, Cheryl. Very good answer from that first podium there.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Dana, welcome. Welcome.

-I can see you're concentrating.

-I am really concentrating, yes. Yes.

Dana, All Kinds Of Everything, 1970.

Massive winner. But then...

Later in the '90s, you went into politics, didn't you?

-I did. I'm an accidental politician. I really didn't mean to.

-Really?

-You ended up an MEP.

-I did.

-That's like most accidental politicians.

-Are you still an MEP?

-No.

-That finished when?

-Um, 2004.

-2004. Right.

-I'm a recovering MEP.

-A recovering MEP!

-But do you still perform?

-Yes, yes. I like to sing.

I like that. And record and do a bit of writing. So, yeah, I do.

-Excellent.

-But this is nice because we get to meet up again.

We don't often get to meet up.

That's quite nice. Was there fierce rivalry?

-I mean, is it nice to see them all?

-Oh, terrible. Really, really bad.

Cheryl's just vicious.

-LAUGHTER

-I've heard that.

-I agree with that.

I'll agree with that.

Dana, three-letter words beginning with C.

There is one that I'm not sure if it's maybe a slang word,

but it's the only other one I can think of so...

-..cop.

-Cop.

-Cop...

-C-O-P.

-..says Dana. Let's see if cop's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Well... Oh, 59!

-59 for cop.

-APPLAUSE

-Yeah, correct answer. Big score, isn't it?

-Big score.

There are some big scorers in this round, as you'd expect.

-There's a few low ones too.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Sonia. Welcome back to Pointless. Lovely to have you. A finalist.

-Yes.

-A finalist in Eurovision and in Pointless.

-Oh, yes. I'm very proud.

-You were on with your husband.

-I was, yes. It was a good little team.

But it was daunting at first. But really enjoyed it.

We really got competitive towards the end. We could have nearly won.

-You came second in 1993, didn't you?

-Yes.

-I tell you, it was so, so close.

-Who beat you?

Niamh Kavanagh in Ireland. Yes, yes.

-They always win, don't they?

-They were on a roll at the time.

-Yeah.

But, Sonia, you've had a career in the West End,

-haven't you, since then?

-Yeah, I've done a variety of things.

I'm continually singing on stage all the time now.

I've got my own band and everything.

-So, yeah, I love all aspects of it.

-Wonderful.

Now then, let's see if you can replicate your fantastic performance

last time on Pointless.

OK. I'm going to go with cub.

Cub says Sonia. Let's see if cub's right and, if it is, let's see

how many of our 100 people said cub.

Well, it's right. 59 is our high score and 15 our low.

You've passed the high score.

32. Pretty much in the middle.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Sonia. Back to your winning ways again.

Yes, the young of a carnivorous mammal. Various types.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Gemma.

-Hiya.

-Welcome.

Was Jemini called Jemini because it was Gem and I?

-Erm...

-Yes.

-It was. It was, yes.

-It was?

Awww. And you didn't mind that it wasn't called Jeminchris?

-No.

-Hasn't got the same ring to it.

It's not a sign of the zodiac, for example, is it, Jeminchris?

-Bit more complicated.

-Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. So, Gemma...

..nul points, which is, do you know what?

That's quite cool though, isn't it? It is quite cool.

Well, it wasn't at the time, obviously.

-Were you absolutely heartbroken?

-Yeah, we were.

We were absolutely mortified, weren't we?

But now, I mean, we've had time and it's funny now, isn't it?

-People remember us for it, so...

-Yeah.

-..just hopefully,

we'll get somewhere tonight. We won't get kicked off first.

Good stuff. Well, low scoring is your speciality,

so let's have a fantastic three-letter word beginning with C.

I'm thinking coy.

-C-O-I.

-Coi, says Gemma. Coi.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said coi.

Bad luck. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

Scores you the maximum of 100 points.

-I'm sorry, Gemma.

-Sorry, Gemma. I have to say, when you get into Eurovision

scoring nul points, to actually get into Eurovision itself

is an extraordinary achievement. There's a huge amount of competition to get in there.

So the amount of people you beat in that year,

every single one of them did worse than Jemini, I would say.

Also, talking of nul points, Richard,

-we've formed a band.

-We have.

-Called Nul Points.

-Nul Points...

and we're going to be performing...

We are going to be performing our hit song.

-I say hit, we don't know if it's a hit.

-But we're doing it at the end of the show today.

-At the end.

So, please watch and then please tweet

and let the powers that be know that it's...

-Cos it's quite something, isn't it?

-It's...

-We've put a lot of work into it.

-That's a great tune.

-We're even going to be wearing costumes.

-Yes.

I say costumes, clothes.

But at the end of the show today.

-End of the show today. Don't miss that.

-That's how we're finishing.

-Also, we'd love some feedback.

Actually, maybe we don't want feedback.

No, we don't want feedback. These people know what they're doing.

Let's not have any feedback. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a quick look at those scores. 15, the best score

of that pass. Cheryl, clearly you mean business this time.

Very well done. And up to 32, where we find Sonia and Martin.

Up to 59, where we find Dana and Johnny.

And then 100, Gemma and Chris.

It may not be game over for you two.

Chris, a brilliant answer from you

and a high scorer elsewhere might keep you in the game. Best of luck.

We're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. So, remember, Chris, we are

looking for three-letter words beginning with C.

So, Chris, Chris...

So, what do you do now, Chris?

I work in retail operations.

So I work for a designer brand and I also write my own songs as well.

-You and Gemma perform a bit together as well.

-Yes, we do.

We did a charity show, like a comeback show, a couple of years ago

for one of the local hospitals, the children's hospital in Liverpool.

It's nice to sort of come back to it and do it again so...

In fact, you did that documentary, the year that you were in,

which was called something like How To Win Eurovision This Year.

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-What did you learn from that?

Never to do anything like that again!

So, yeah, overall, it's an amazing experience

and we get to do things like this as well

and meet all these lovely people so, yeah...

Excellent. Well, graciously said, Chris.

There you are on 100. You're the high scorers.

But a nice low score, as I say, might do you all kinds of favours.

-What have you got up your sleeve, Chris?

-OK. I'm going to keep

my fingers crossed for cot. C-O-T.

Cot says Chris.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers, but let's see how many of our 100 people said cot.

He's right.

-61 for cot.

-APPLAUSE

61 takes your total up to 161, Chris.

Yes, a small bed with high sides for a young child or a baby.

-Martin.

-Sir.

-Welcome to the show.

Brotherhood Of Man.

That was just great. 1976. Save All Your Kisses For Me.

Actually, you had a whole string of hits. Angelo, I remember.

-Angelo, Figaro, Save Your Kisses...

-Figaro!

-United We Stand.

-So on, so on.

-Yeah.

Fantastic. Had you been going for quite a long time before Eurovision?

We had, actually. We'd been going roughly about

four to five years before that.

People tend to think just cos you go on Eurovision,

-that's what shoots you into stardom...

-Yeah, yeah.

..and takes you out of the orbit.

But, no, we'd had previous hits well before that.

Very good. Now then, Martin,

there we are. You're on 32. The good news is, you are through

to the next round. Even if you score 100 points,

you won't overtake the high score of Chris and Gemma.

I'm going to go for...

cod.

-Cod says Martin.

-A bit fishy.

Cod. A little bit fishy. No red line for you

as you're already through, but let's if that's right. Let's see how many people said cod.

It's right.

51.

51 takes your total up to 83.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Martin. Safe and sound with cod. That makes me hungry.

A nice cod and chips.

Now then, Johnny. Mr Eurovision.

I mean, you are.

Is there a statue, a travelling statue that goes around?

I think I've won it in every way.

I sang it in 1980,

-somebody else's song, Shay Healy's song.

-Yeah.

And in '87, I wrote Hold Me Now and I sang that.

I sang then. Then I wrote, in '92, Why Me, which won.

-Linda Martin, yeah, yeah.

-I won it in every combination you can.

That's fantastic. Are there some Eurovision annals somewhere?

I think the Guinness Book Of Records is about the only one.

-The Guinness Book Of Records at least.

-And my bank manager.

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-He keeps a record.

-That's good.

Now then, Johnny. 59. You're through to the next round as well.

But let's have a three-letter word starting with C.

I was going to go for cap, but that could be like a slang word,

so I'm going to go for something safe like cup.

Cup says Johnny. Cup. Let's see if that's right

and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

56 for cup.

Takes your total up to 115.

What does cup mean, Richard?

Yeah, I may not define that.

I tell you what, we're not really hammering the low scorers here.

-But I think Mike has got a terrific answer.

-Yeah.

Mike, welcome.

-Welcome, welcome.

-Thank you.

Bucks Fizz.

Endless... Hit after hit. Land Of Make Believe,

My Camera Never Lies... These were massive.

Apparently, I found out the other day,

we've sold 60 million records.

-We didn't even know that.

-Doesn't surprise me.

And you're still performing now?

Yeah, we're working as...

Cheryl, Jay and myself...

we call ourselves Cheryl, Jay and Mike,

formerly Bucks Fizz, but we won the Eurovision Song contest in 1981

with Bucks Fizz and all our success was with Bucks Fizz.

Fantastic. Now then, Mike. Any three-letter word beginning with C.

I just hope this is right. But if it's 100, I still get through.

-You'll still be through.

-I was going to say "man"(!)

Cog. C-O-G.

-Cog, says Mike.

-Is that an English word?

-Cog.

-Yeah.

-Let's find out. It sounds reasonable to me.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said cog.

It's right.

Well, 15 is the score you really want to beat.

38.

APPLAUSE

38. Not bad at all.

Third lowest score of the round, Mike.

-53 is your total.

-That's OK.

-And it's definitely an English word, cog.

-Oh, yes.

-We can have that. Before we go to the pointless answers,

I'll tell you a few smaller answers. Coo would have scored you 13. C-O-O.

Then going down, cay would have scored you eight.

Cig as in, "have a cig," that would have scored you six points.

Chi would have scored you four.

You would have got three for cha, C-H-A, somehow is a word.

It's a third of a dance.

Exactly! And let's take a look at the two pointless answers.

Cru, which you quite often see on a bottle of wine. It means a vineyard

or it sometimes means the quality of a wine.

And cwm, which lots of our Welsh viewers would have got,

which is a valley in Welsh or the head of a valley in Welsh.

Very well done if you got either of those pointless answers.

-What do you reckon the top three are?

-The top one, um...

-Cat.

-Think cat, everyone?

-Car.

-Cat, car...

Cat, car and can.

Absolutely. They're our top three.

Cat at the top there with 88, can with 87 and car with 75.

Thanks very much. At the end of our first round,

the pair who are heading home with our high score of 161,

I'm sorry, Chris and Gemma.

Not bad, really.

Coy... C-O-Y. Y would have been...

What would that have scored?

Let me have a look.

Yeah, coy, C-O-Y, would have scored you 24 points.

That's a great score.

-And I was going to do coo as well.

-Coo would have been brilliant.

Would have been the best answer of the round, coo.

I'm sorry, Chris and Gemma. It's been lovely having you here.

Thank you for coming to play. I'm sorry to say goodbye to you so soon. Great performance. Chris and Gemma.

Thanks for having us.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And so three pairs remain. At the end of this round,

we'll be saying goodbye to another pair.

Cheryl and Mike, you're our lower scorers. Very, very well done.

Great performance.

One more round to go before you can all confer, which is nice.

Best of luck to all three pairs Our category for Round Two is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And our question concerns...

West End Shows. Sonia looking very happy with that. Richard.

We're about to show you a photograph up here

and it's going to have 17 characters or props from famous West End shows.

You need to give us the name of any show you'd associate

with one of the things you're about to see, please.

The more obscure your answer, the fewer points you'll get. Very best of luck.

OK. As Richard says, we're going to put an image up on the screen

and on that image will be representations of various

West End shows. You just have to name those shows.

Here is the image.

OK. Cheryl. You're going to go first.

OK.

I'm going to go with a show that I took my girls to see

a few years ago and it's still there and it's called Stomp.

Stomp, says Cheryl. Stomp.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Stomp.

It's right. Very well done, Cheryl.

22

APPLAUSE

-22 for Stomp.

-Well played, Cheryl. Another good answer for you.

That's Omari Carter at the back there with the dustbin lid.

-Started off as a street busking act in Brighton.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Johnny.

Johnny. Do you see many West End shows, Johnny?

Um, a few. Not too many. Not in the last few years.

I spent an awful lot of my time away over in central Europe.

But I'm a big Agatha Christie fan and grew up with her books,

the Poirot books and all of that.

I'm going to take a chance and say Mousetrap.

The Mousetrap, says Johnny. Let's see if that's right

and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said The Mousetrap.

It's right. Well done.

Well, 22's our only score so far.

You've passed that.

Oh, very well done indeed, Johnny. Look at that!

APPLAUSE

That's a great score, Johnny. The Mousetrap.

That's a terrific answer, Johnny. Very well played.

That's Michael Fenner as Mr Paravicini in the middle there.

The longest-running play in the world, anywhere in the world.

-60 years, it's been going.

-Wow. Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, Sonia, for heaven's sake,

this is the ideal round for you, isn't it?

I know. It's so hard what to choose though.

-Go with the War Horse.

-You're going to go with War Horse. OK.

War Horse, says Sonia. Let's see if that's right

and let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right. 22, our high score. One, our low.

57 for War Horse.

APPLAUSE

That's a big score, isn't it?

Joey the horse, so iconic, and such an extraordinary creation.

Over a million people have seen it in the West End already.

Thanks very much. Halfway through the round,

let's take a look at those scores. One, the best score of that pass.

Johnny, you and Dana looking very strong indeed on the back of that.

Then up to 22, where we find Cheryl and Mike.

57, you're not way ahead, but you are the high scorers.

So, Martin,

we need a nice low score from you in the next pass.

Best of luck. Back down the line now.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK. So, Martin, we're looking for the name of any West End show

represented in this photograph.

Cheryl stole my one that I was going to go for.

But there's plenty up there...

And I'm going to go for...

The Lion King.

The Lion King, says Martin.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers.

But let's see how many of our 100 people said The Lion King.

It's right. This needs to go a long way down for you, Martin.

-Ooh, not bad. 50.

-APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 107.

Yes, the highest-grossing Broadway musical of all time,

The Lion King, amazingly. That's Mufasa.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now then, Dana.

OK. There are at least...

four shows I'm fairly certain of,

but I'm so frightened to say the wrong one,

cos you've done so good, Charlie,

I don't want to let you down,

so I'm going to go for something that's very obvious.

-Phantom Of The Opera.

-Phantom Of The Opera, says Dana.

The good news is you're through to the head-to-head, whatever happens. Even if you score 100,

you won't overtake the high scorers at the moment.

So, no red line for you. But let's see how many of our 100 people said Phantom Of The Opera.

It's right.

Wow. Look at that. 25. Well done, Dana.

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 26.

-Great total.

-Well played, Dana.

-They're a good team, Dana and Johnny, aren't they?

-Aren't they, just.

It's Marcus Lovett as the Phantom there.

The longest-running show in Broadway history, that.

-It's at 10,000 performances.

-Fantastic.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Mike.

Mike, you are the last person to have the board.

Would you like to talk us through all the musicals

you recognise there?

Billy Elliot's there, isn't he?

And then Starlight Express.

Is Mary Poppins up there?

Poor old Mary. And Jersey Boys.

The only one I can think of up there

that might be low is Matilda.

-Is that the one you want to go for?

-I'm going to go for Matilda.

You're going to go for Matilda. OK. There's your red line.

Nice and high. If you get below that line, you're in the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Matilda.

It's not going.

-Please go.

-It is going.

-Yes!

And you're through to the head-to-head.

Zero! Zero!

Ten. Very well done indeed.

Mike and Cheryl, your total is 32.

Yeah, well played, Mike. With music and lyrics by Tim Minchin.

You were right about a couple. Billy Elliot's there.

-Starlight Express isn't there.

-It's not?

-And Mary Poppins isn't there either.

-Oh!

So, let's go through all the answers. Three pointless answers.

We'll show you them as we go through. The 39 Steps.

That was a pointless answer. The Woman in Black.

Thriller Live was a pointless answer.

Rock Of Ages would have scored you 2.

One Man, Two Guvnors would have scored you 2.

Mamma Mia! would have scored you 7.

There's Singin' In The Rain. That would have scored you 10 points.

We Will Rock You is up there for 12.

Jersey Boys there also would have scored you 12. Wicked, 16.

And the top three. Billy Elliot would have scored you 49.

Would have been a correct answer though.

And we've already heard The Lion King War Horse which were the top answers.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our second round, I'm sorry to say the pair leaving us with a high score of 107,

-it's Martin and Sonia.

-Oh!

-Oh, I'm sorry.

Nothing wrong with your answers.

Oh!

Nothing wrong with your answers at all. They were just high scorers.

I guess more people recognised them.

It's been lovely having you on the show. Thank you for playing. Martin and Sonia.

APPLAUSE

For our remaining two celebrity pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Cheryl and Mike, Dana and Johnny.

You're one step closer to the final and the chance to play for our jackpot

which currently stands at £2,500.

Now we have to decide who's going to play for that money in the final

so you are now going to go head-to-head.

The big difference is you are now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will play for the jackpot.

-Cheryl, this is more like it, isn't it?

-I'm so pleased to get this far.

Yes. An amazing performance. Very, very best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns:

It concerns a chip shop menu!

We're going to show you five anagrams of items you might find on a chip shop menu.

Can you unscramble them and pick the most obscure?

-Very, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five anagrams and here they come. We have got:

I'll read those all one last time.

Now, Cheryl and Mike,

you've played best throughout the show so you will go first.

-Yeah.

-Shall we try it?

-Yes. OK.

-One, two... The third one down.

-BUTCH PITY.

-Yeah.

Chip butty.

Chip butty, say Cheryl and Mike.

Chip butty. Now, Dana and Johnny, the board is all yours.

The first one is haddock.

And the second one... Is tomato sauce there anywhere?

Haddock is too obvious.

Unless you can think of one of the other ones.

-Go for curry sauce.

-OK, curry sauce.

We have chip butty and curry sauce.

Cheryl and Mike said chip butty.

Let's see if that's right and if it is how many people said chip butty.

It's right.

It'll be high.

-58 for chip butty.

-Very high.

Dana and Johnny have said curry sauce.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said curry sauce.

It's right.

Ooh! 60 for curry sauce.

So chip butty does it for Cheryl and Mike.

-After one question, Cheryl and Mike, you're up 1-0.

-That was close.

You were right to avoid haddock. It is the correct answer for ADD HOCK

but it would have been a very big scorer.

It would have scored you 95 points.

95 points.

-And YUM SHAPES. Know that one?

-Mushy peas, of course!

That's mushy peas, yes. It would have scored you 40.

Now this last one is difficult.

The key to this is working out the word jumbo is in there. Jumbo...?

-Saveloy.

-Jumbo saveloy. Yes. It would have scored you 11 points.

Thanks very much. Here comes your second question.

Dana and Johnny, you will answer this one first but you have to win it to stay in the game.

Here it comes. It concerns:

Ah!

Happy animals. Richard?

We're going to show you five pictures now of happy-looking animals.

What could be nicer? We will spend a little bit of time on this round.

You just need to tell us what sort of animals they are, please.

OK, let's reveal our five happy animals, and here they are. We have got:

Ah!

-He does look happy, doesn't he?

-It does.

-It really does.

Ah!

LAUGHTER

Ah!

There we are. Five happy animals.

Dana and Johnny, you will go first this time.

The only one I recognise is D.

-Do you think C?

-Is that a walrus?

That's a walrus. Walrus?

Orang-utan. But what are the others?

Some sort of a jellyfish?

We're going to go with D, orang-utan.

D, orang-utan. Orang-utan.

-Now, Cheryl and Mike.

-Yes, the first one...

We think is a walrus.

-Yeah?

-The second one is a bird.

LAUGHTER

It looks like maybe a baby egret

or something maybe.

C looks like a hot water bottle.

No, E looks like a hot water bottle.

We think A is a very happy walrus. We hope it is.

So you're going to say walrus. We have orang-utan and we have walrus.

OK, now, Dana and Johnny have said orang-utan.

Let's see if that is right and how many people said orang-utan for D.

It's right.

67.

APPLAUSE

Cheryl and Mike have said A, walrus.

Let's see if that's right and if it is

how many of our 100 people said walrus?

Oh, bad luck. Not a walrus, as it turns out.

Which means, Dana and Johnny, after two questions,

-you're back in the game. It's 1-1.

-Oh, we're still in it.

-Is that a seal?

-Yes, a walrus would have tusks. A is a seal.

You said seal. He said seal and I said no.

Shall we just leave that on screen

for a little bit for anybody at home who's had a tough day?

You just want to relax.

Five seconds looking at that. Doesn't he look happy?

He is so happy.

Seal would have won the point. 42 points. A very good answer.

B, Mike, you're so close. It is a bird!

I don't know how you do it.

It's a kookaburra.

-I was going to say that.

-They laugh as well, don't they?

Laugh, kookaburra, laugh.

The clue was there. It would have scored 20 points.

C. Look at him!

That is a... Believe it or not... What would you say to that?

-It looks like a jellyfish, doesn't it?

-Yes.

-It's a squid.

It's a squid, actually a piglet squid, apparently.

-A piglet squid. Grows to the size of an orange.

-Ah!

It's got a lovely little smile on its face. It would have scored 3.

-Good hair as well. I like the way he hasn't combed his hair.

-Great hair.

And E, I take my hat off to anyone at home who got this.

You have to know your sea creatures. It's an axolotl.

Axolotl, and it would have scored 6 points.

Thanks very much. OK, so it comes down to the third question.

This is your decider. Whoever wins this goes to the final and plays for that jackpot for their charities.

Best of luck to both pairs. Our third question today concerns:

Star Wars. Richard?

Yes, we're going to show you five clues now to facts about the first six Star Wars films.

Whoever gives us the most obscure answer is going through to play for the jackpot.

-So best of luck, both teams.

-Thanks.

Let's reveal our five clues and here they come. We have got:

I'll read those one last time.

There we are. Five clues to facts about Star Wars. Cheryl and Mike, you go first.

This is where we're going home

because I know nothing about Star Wars.

The actress who played Princess Leia, we must know that.

I can see her face with the things around her ears.

The only thing...

Is it a lightsaber, the sword-like weapon used by Jedi?

Yes, let's go for it.

The only one that I think we know

because we're useless is lightsaber, which is the sword-like weapon.

OK, you're going for lightsaber.

Cheryl and Mike say lightsaber.

Dana and Johnny, do you think you can talk us through the board?

Chewbacca. Mark Hamill.

Lightsaber.

Working title used by the producer to keep the filming...

Don't know that one.

And I think the one we're going to go with is the actress

who played Princess Leia in the original.

-Carrie Fisher.

-Carrie Fisher.

So lightsaber and Carrie Fisher.

Cheryl and Mike have gone for lightsaber.

Let's see how many people said lightsaber.

-100% we're going to lose this.

-No, it's right.

Yeah, but it's going to stop high.

-59.

-APPLAUSE

59. Dana and Johnny, meanwhile, have said

Carrie Fisher played Princess Leia in the original trilogy.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

It's right. And if this goes below 59, you are through to the final.

And it does. Very well done.

41.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Dana and Johnny.

After three questions, you're through to the final 2-1.

Very well played there, Dana and Johnny.

Yeah, the Wookiee companion was Chewbacca.

He would have scored 44 points.

The Canadian actor who plays Anakin in Episodes II and III

is not Mark Hamill, who was Luke Skywalker.

It was Hayden Christensen. That would've scored 11 points.

The working title used by producers...

Family Guy used it for their Star Wars spoof and it's Blue Harvest.

Would've scored two points, so a couple of people knew it.

Very well done if you did.

Thanks, Richard. The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round...

I'm afraid, Cheryl and Mike, your time has come.

But it's been fabulous having you on the show.

You've done so well. Cheryl, right through to the head-to-head, and you were the golden couple.

The lowest-scoring pair coming into this round, so very well done.

It's been great having you here.

Thank you so much for playing. Cheryl and Mike!

APPLAUSE

But, for Dana and Johnny, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Dana and Johnny. You fought off the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy, so very well done.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Well, I have to say,

it seems entirely fitting that we should have...

We have two people who, between them,

have won Eurovision four times as our finalists today.

I think that's absolutely fantastic.

A great performance the whole way through the show.

Very, very strong and consistent.

Now, as always, you kick this round off by choosing a category.

And your choices are...

Famous Vans,

English Sport In The 1990s,

Countries Sharing UK Traits

and Horror Films.

-We both would have an idea of countries sharing UK traits.

-Yeah?

I was a big horror film fan.

-That doesn't mean I know very much about them.

-OK.

-But, er...

I think we both... If I go for Horror Films, then it'll be me.

I think go for Countries Sharing UK Traits,

-cos then we can put our heads together.

-Yeah.

OK, Countries Sharing UK Traits it is. Richard...

I'm going to give you three different choices.

You can take your answers from any of these, one from each of them,

three from one of them - however you fancy doing it.

Can you answer any of the following?

We're looking for any country whose capital runs on GMT - so runs on Greenwich Mean Time.

So any country whose capital runs on GMT.

We're looking for any country of the world whose flag has a cross on it.

So any country of the world whose flag has a cross on it,

according to the CIA World Factbook.

Or any country in the world containing both letters U and K.

So any country whose capital is on Greenwich Mean Time,

any flags with a cross on them,

any country containing the letters U and K.

As always, by "country", we mean a sovereign state that's a member of the UN in its own right.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

As always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers.

And all you need to win that jackpot for your charities

is to find just one pointless answer among those answers.

Remember, the answers you provide can come from any of these categories.

All three from one category, one from each, two from one,

one from another - it's entirely up to you how you spread them.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah, we're going to confer.

OK, yep, you can confer. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

It doesn't have to be a European capital, does it, or...?

-Any country in the world.

-OK.

Where is GMT? Shall we say Ireland?

Flags with crosses on them - what would be the most...

Norway, Switzerland.

New Zealand, Canada.

-New Zealand or Australia.

-Countries with a...

-With a U and a K in it.

-Countries with a U and a K...

Let's see. We could also say... South African countries.

Flags with crosses on them...

The Red Cross?

Er...

-We could go two flags with crosses on them.

-Yeah.

Ten seconds left.

I can't think of any more GMT.

OK, that is your time up. I now need your three answers.

-What are you going to give me?

-Er, we're going to start at the bottom.

Countries containing the letter U and K. This is really off the wall.

-Timbuktu.

-OK, Timbuktu. What else are you going to give me?

Norway.

-Norway, as a...

-Flag with a cross on.

-Yep.

And GMT, we're going to go...

It's pretty obvious but we'll go with Ireland.

Ireland? Going to go with Ireland? OK. Of those three answers,

which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Pointless - probably Timbuktu.

-Timbuktu we'll put last.

Your least likely to be pointless?

-Maybe Ireland.

-Ireland.

-Ireland. We'll put Ireland first.

OK, let's pop those answers up on the board in that order - and here they are. We have got...

Well, very, very best of luck. Your first answer was Ireland.

Now, if this is pointless and it wins you

that £2,500 for your charities, what are your charities?

-Johnny, what's yours?

-Mine's the Crumlin Children's Hospital.

They look after kids with cancer and it's in Dublin

and they do incredible work and at the moment, with money being so tight,

-it's something that's very close to my heart.

-Very good.

And Dana, how about you?

Mine's Irish Hospice Foundation,

cos I think there's hardly anybody's life that hasn't been

touched by the need for hospice care - someone you love very much.

So it's a wonderful organisation so that would be my charity.

Very well done. Two great charities there.

Well, fingers crossed. Three good answers on the board.

-Let's hope at least one of those is pointless.

-You're very kind.

-Thank you.

Now, your least confident answer -

least confident in being a pointless answer - was Ireland,

a country that was also in GMT. Remember, only one of these answers

needs to be pointless for you to win that jackpot, so let's find out.

For £2,500, does Ireland share the same time zone as the UK?

Ireland - is it right?

It is right.

This has to go all the way down to zero for you to win that jackpot.

Down it goes through the 50s, through the 40s,

through the 30s. Still going down.

Ooh, 20.

20 for Ireland. Not a bad score.

But, unfortunately, not a pointless score.

So only two more shots at today's jackpot of £2,500.

Your next answer was Norway.

Now, again, this has to be correct and it has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

So let's find out - for £2,500,

does the Norwegian flag have a cross on it?

How many people said it?

It's right.

Your first answer, Ireland, took us all the way down to 20.

Norway now taking us down through the 30s,

into the 20s, into the teens.

17 for Norway.

APPLAUSE

OK, only one more chance to win today's jackpot.

We were looking for countries that had the letters U and K in them.

You said Timbuktu. If it's correct,

-you thought this was your best shot at a pointless answer.

-If it's correct.

Let's find out.

For £2,500, is Timbuktu correct and,

if it is, how many of our 100 people said it?

Oh, bad luck! Bad luck - an incorrect answer.

You didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

But as this is a charity special,

we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair for their respective charities

and we've really loved having you on the show.

Of course, you do get to take a Pointless trophy each.

-So very, very well done.

-That's actually a better result. Thank you.

It's been an absolute pleasure to meet you and to have you on the show.

Timbuktu is a town in Mali, I'm afraid.

And Mali would have been a pointless answer for our first question,

which is countries that have a capital in GMT time zone,

cos a lot of the West African countries are up here as pointless answers.

They share a time zone with us.

You could have had Cote d'Ivoire, you could have had Gambia.

You could have had Ghana or Senegal.

You could have had Burkina Faso, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau,

Liberia, Mali. You could have had Mauritania, Sao Tome and Principe,

Sierra Leone or Togo. All of those are pointless answers.

Well done if you said any of those. Flags with crosses on them...

Again, quite a few pointless answers.

Greece would have been a pointless answer - it's got one in the top corner.

Kenya, Serbia, Tuvalu.

You also could have had...

Mozambique, Vanuatu,

Dominican Republic.

You could've had Oman, Burundi, Montenegro or Dominica.

All of those are pointless answers.

And countries containing the letters U and K. There's not many.

Ukraine would have scored you 72,

Uzbekistan 9, Turkey 8,

Kuwait 3, Turkmenistan 1, South Korea 1.

There's only one pointless answer and we've just heard it before -

it's Burkina Faso. So very well done, again, if you said that.

Burkina Faso a pointless answer twice in three questions.

-What about that?

-Not bad going, is it?

-Thanks very much indeed.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Dana and Johnny, but we've loved having you.

-Thank you so much for playing.

-It's been great. Thank you.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

Meanwhile, Richard, the moment has come.

-Time for nul points.

-Yeah, time for nul points.

-Time of our great performance. We've got to get changed.

-Yes.

We might have to use a bit of TV magic to do that.

So if everyone at home can shut their eyes for five seconds...

Five, four,

three, two, one...

HARP FANFARE PLAYS

MUSIC: DANCE REMIX OF "Pointless" THEME

# You stand right next to me We look like a couple

# Yet I've never been so alone

# Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

# If I say something dumb, I'm gonna be in so much trouble

# I've got to get us through on my own

# Baby, give me a sign

# I've gotta cross that red line

# So we can leave here with our heads held high

# Vanuatu

# But now my mind is a blur

# I wanna take you home and confer

# Now let's come back down the line... #

It's my Pointless friend. It's Richard.

Let's look at the pointless answers.

And, of course by "country", we mean a sovereign state that is a member of the UN in its own right.

# We could get a new kitchen

# We could make it all cosy

# We could travel to Tuvalu

# Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

# We just wanted to meet ya

# Get a coveted trophy

# Cos that's a cool thing to do

# Baby, give me a sign

# I gotta cross that red line

# So we can leave here with our heads held high

# Djibouti

# It all went by in a blur

# Let's get a room and confer

# So it's goodbye from me

# Goodbye

# Goodbye. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE