History Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE Thank you very much. Hello, I'm

Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to this special history

edition of Pointless Celebrities. The show where the aim of the game

is to score as few points as you can and you do that with by coming up

with the answers no-one else could think of. Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

-And couple number one.

-Hello, I'm Kate Williams and I'm a historian.

I am Adam Hart-Davis. I am not a historian. My only qualification in

history is that I failed O level.

-Couple number two.

-I am Janina Ramirez and I'm an art historian.

And I make programmes for BBC Four.

I'm Andrew Graham-Dixon. I'm also an art historian and in my spare time

I drive around Italy eating far too much in the company of my friend

Giorgio Locatelli.

-Couple number three.

-Hello, I'm Ben Willbond. You probably know me

from the show Horrible Histories, where I met my co-writer Larry Rickard.

Hi, I'm Larry Rickard. All of that is true.

-And finally, couple number four.

-Hello, I am Lars Tharp.

I am a china maniac on the Antiques Roadshow and occasional cellist.

And I'd like to add,

a friend of mine because I met Lars maybe 35 years ago,

it was a great treat. And from that I started presenting

Bargain Hunt and do the odd pasodoble.

Thanks very much, all of you.

We will find out more about each of you as the show goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce. This

conversation is being recorded for training and monitoring purposes.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya. Evening, everybody.

-Goodness me. Goodness. This is a clever line-up.

-I know, isn't it?

Very, very clever. Now, podium three though, we have our only returning

player and that is Ben, who came on last time with another of his

Horrible Histories co-stars, Jim. Got through to the jackpot round.

Got a one-point answer. A one-point answer. So Pointless owes Ben.

-Yeah, it does.

-This is where you collect.

Thank you very much.

Now, as usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people

before the show. Our contestants here are looking for those all-important pointless answers.

These being answers that none of our 100 people gave. Find one of those

and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special, each of our celebrities

is playing for a nominated charity.

We start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There we are.

Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

So all you have to remember is that the pair with the highest score at

the end of each round will be eliminated. So, yes, you are going

to try and score as few points as you can. No conferring in our first two rounds.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this evening is countries.

It's countries. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

European Union countries whose names contains the letters E or U.

-Richard.

-We are looking for any country that is a member state of

the EU as of April 2015 that contains the letter E or U, please, or both.

As always, by country, I mean a sovereign state that's a member of

-the UN in its own right.

-Thanks very much indeed. Now, Adam, a very

-warm welcome to Pointless to you.

-Thank you.

-But you started as a

-producer, Adam.

-I'd been a researcher for years.

-A researcher.

-A researcher for six years.

-You've worked on so many much-loved

-science programmes. Arthur C Clarke.

-Arthur C Clarke.

-David Bellamy

-you worked with.

-And Magnus Pyke.

-Magnus Pyke, yes.

When I first joined, I worked for Magnus Pyke.

There we are. Now, what are you going to say?

-We need a country that contains the letter E or U.

-I'm going to go

-for Slovenia.

-Slovenia. Slovenia, says Adam. Let's see how many of

-our 100 people said Slovenia.

-Is it right?

It is right.

Scored 11. Great start to the show.

11 for Slovenia.

It's a very good start. Been a member of the EU since 2004

and it has got an E bang in the middle.

-Thank you very much indeed. Andrew, a warm welcome to Pointless.

-Hello.

Well, aside from being an art critic for years on the Independent and then

the Sunday Telegraph, you have made many programmes about various artists.

-Do you have a favourite painter?

-A favourite painter?

-Probably Caravaggio.

-I thought you would say that.

I did spend ten years writing a book about him

-so I'd have to like him quite a lot.

-You would have to, you would have to.

Andrew, what are you going to go for? EU countries with E, U in their names.

I'm not sure, A, if this really is a country - I think it is -

and B, if it's actually a member of the European Union.

Though I don't see what else it would be.

So I'm going to go with Lichtenstein.

Lichtenstein. OK, Andrew is saying Lichtenstein.

Let's see if that is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Lichtenstein.

Oh, Andrew. I am so sorry, I'm so sorry.

That is an incorrect answer and it scores you 100 points.

-I'm so sorry.

-Don't worry, darling.

Not a member of the EU, I'm afraid, Lichtenstein.

It's absolutely packed full of Es though. It's got three Es in it. Can you believe it?

Ben, welcome back. As you said in your little precis at the top there,

most people would know you from Horrible Histories.

Were you ever surprised at what a phenomenon that turned out to be?

Yes, really taken aback. Cos we started out as a very small...

educational sketch show for children and five series later,

we were just delighted with the results and being stopped

in the streets by kids and it's lovely.

Now, Ben, countries in the EU with an E or U in their name.

OK, I'm going to go with Lithuania. That's where I'm going to go.

Lithuania. I can see why you would. It's got the U in there.

-It's got a big old U.

-Look at that, right there.

Almost slap bang in the middle. Let's see if that's right, Lithuania,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Look at that.

Look at that, down it goes.

Oh, 13.

13 for Lithuania.

It joined exactly the same time as Slovenia.

You said it's got a U almost in the middle. I've got to tell you

-right now, slap bang in the middle.

-Wow.

-Fifth of nine.

You could not get more middle.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Tim, a very, very warm welcome.

-Thank you.

-Here representing antiquities, I suppose.

Antiques anyway. I tell you what, the world of antiques,

I mean, certainly as I see it through your eyes, is a very jolly place.

It certainly is. Of course, there aren't that many antiques about,

so what you see on our sort of show tends to be collectables and objects

which are just a tad rarer than what went into the skip last week.

Very nice. Now, Tim, we are looking

for EU countries that contain the letters E or U.

-I'm going to go for Estonia, actually.

-Estonia.

Estonia, says Tim. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Estonia.

-It's right.

-Very good.

Well, 11 is our low score, 100

is our high. You passed 100 early on.

25 is where you end up with Estonia.

Well done.

Well done, my friend.

Well played, Tim. And again, joined at the same time as Lithuania and Slovenia.

It's got an E right at the beginning.

The first country in the world to use the internet for parliamentary elections.

-Really?

-2007. Yes. Won't be the last but they were the first.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. We're halfway through the round

so let's take a look at those scores.

11 the best score of the pass. Very well done indeed, Adam.

Adam and Kate looking very, very strong at this point.

As indeed are Ben and Larry on 13.

Up to 25 where we find Tim and Lars, also looking pretty song.

Now, Andrew and Janina, yes. About that 100, you might well have

another high-scorer joining you there,

in which case, we need a low score from you to get you through

to the next round. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

-OK, now, Lars, a very warm welcome to Pointless to you.

-Thank you.

Now, on Antiques Roadshow, your area of expertise is ceramics

-and porcelain, isn't it?

-Yes. Ceramics, that's me.

Now, ceramics, what is fun about that is it's one of those schools,

I suppose, where something, to the trained eye, you would spot

the difference between something that might be worth 20 quid

-and something that might be priceless.

-Yes.

So presumably, you have the great privilege occasionally

-of putting people right.

-One way or another, yes.

-That's quite satisfying.

-A lady came in with a...

She said, "I've been collecting soap bowls for so many years.

And out came this dish.

And she thought it was a soap dish.

And I said to her, "Well, I hate to disappoint you, cos

"you have managed to pick up a late-17th-century barber's bleeding bowl."

"This bleeding bowl

-"is worth somewhere between £5,000 and £6,000."

-No!

-Wow.

-Yeah.

Now, Lars, we need you to score 74 or less

-to be sure of a place in the next round.

-Yes.

-Shall we go high risk?

-High risk.

-High risk.

-Yes.

-Macedonia.

Macedonia.

Macedonia. Now, Lars, there is your red line.

If you can get below that with Macedonia,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Macedonia.

-Oh!

-Bad luck, Lars. I'm sorry, that's an incorrect answer.

Scores you 100 points. Takes your total up to 125.

Janina and Andrew

back in with a chance.

That is almost the very definition of risk.

-You only needed 74 or less to get through. Each to their own.

-There we go.

-Each to their own.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

-Now, Larry, a very warm welcome to Pointless to you.

-Thank you.

Great to have you here. Another of the great Horrible Histories ensemble.

-Did you have a favourite character that you did?

-I don't know.

The great thing about doing that show was that every day you turn up

-and you get to be four different people.

-Yeah.

-I did enjoy...

I played a character called Bob Hale which sort of ran throughout

the five years that we did, which was tremendously good fun.

He was kind of a presenter.

He was an octogenarian presenter.

Sort of a little bit in a Peter Snow mould.

Fantastic.

Good news for you - it doesn't matter what you score in this round,

you are still through to the next round.

-That's very good news for me.

-This is good news.

Now, Larry, let's have a knockout answer from you.

Well, when I was growing up, my brother had this metal globe

that was in his bedroom that I was trying to picture.

But I dropped it at one point and it got a dent in one side

so all can see in my mind is the dent and it's right over Europe.

So I'm going to go with Portugal.

Portugal, says Larry. Portugal. No red line for you as you are already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Portugal.

It's right.

-50.

-Yes.

63 is your total.

Yeah, one of the most dented countries in Europe, Portugal.

-With a U in it.

-Yes.

-It used to be an O but it got broken.

LAUGHTER

Very good. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Janina, a very warm

welcome to Pointless. Oh, this is going to be exciting.

Now, Janina, your period, really, is more ancient.

-You are medieval, Anglo-Saxon, aren't you?

-Yes, yes.

I am the butt of many Horrible History jokes, my period.

It's the sort of smelly period in history. According to them.

-Do you ever get sort of era envy?

-I do get envy.

I get envy of these people who have got lots of documents to look at.

I get a fraction.

But in a way, I get to be much more of a detective and piece bits

-of evidence together, which I really enjoy.

-That's true.

Now, then, Janina.

You know what you have to do, you have to score 24 or less.

I don't want to take too much of a punt.

I'm going to say the home of the EU itself. I'm going to say Luxembourg.

Luxembourg. OK, we have to get below this red line with Luxembourg.

-Otherwise we have to say goodbye to you.

-Oh.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Luxembourg.

It's right.

-You've done it!

-Oh!

-19.

-Yes!

Very well done. 19 brings your total up to 119 and through.

-Sorry!

-Well done.

-You go through to Round Two.

-Yeah, an EU member since 1958, Luxembourg.

-Wow.

And it's got a U in it and an E in it, and it scored under 25.

I mean, you just couldn't come up with a more perfect answer.

You just couldn't. You couldn't. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Very good. Kate, welcome.

-Thank you.

-Now, you are something of a Royal specialist, aren't you?

-Yes.

-A constitutional historian.

-Yes.

Which is a great gig to be in, presumably, because it means

any time there is any sort of pageantry, which let's face it, is...

-Once a week.

-..four or five times a year, exactly, there's a lovely

-warm space on the mid-morning sofa for you.

-For me to talk about

-pageantry and carriages.

-Yes.

You always have to keep your diary clear around trooping the colour,

any kind of Royal wedding, anything like that.

You've just got to make sure in the month build-up to that.

We were on standby for the Royal baby for quite a long time.

Yes, quite a long time, I was waiting for the Royal baby.

Very, very exciting. Now, Kate, there you are on 11.

It doesn't matter what you score either, you are also

-through to the next round.

-OK.

So you can have a bit of fun with this answer.

I'm going to go for the Czech Republic.

The Czech Republic, says Kate. No red line, you are already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said the Czech Republic.

It's right.

23. Very good indeed. 34 is your total.

It's the lowest total of the round.

Very well played, Kate.

Another of that slew of countries that joined in 2004.

Now, right at the beginning of this round, Adam gave us Slovenia.

Actually, there's only one answer better than that on the entire board.

There's no pointless answers at all.

The best answer you possibly could have given for 9 points

-is Cyprus.

-Oh.

Cyprus for 9 points would have been the best answer.

Bulgaria would have scored you 18, Netherlands 20.

22 points for Hungary and Austria.

You would have got 36 for Sweden, 37 for Ireland, 47 for Greece.

Thank you very much, Richard.

So at the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home

with our high score of 125,

I am so sorry, Tim and Lars, it's you on that far podium there.

It's been lovely having you on the show but please come and play again.

Lars and Tim, wonderful.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

Well, you would have noticed that we are now down to three pairs.

At the end of this round... Pff! ..we will be down to two, I know.

Best of luck to all three players. Our category for Round Two

-this evening is history. What about that?

-What?!

-What about that?

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

-Would you like to go first?

-OK, and the question concerns...

CONTESTANTS GROAN

-The Romans.

-Really?

-Richard.

Just a series of historians going, "Oh, no, not the Romans."

-LAUGHTER

-"Oh!"

On each board we are going to give you six clues to

facts about the Romans and the Roman era.

Just need to give us the most obscure answer you can, please.

There's going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home, best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, so here is our first board of clues about the Romans

and here they come. We've got...

I will read all those one last time.

There we are. Now, Adam, over to you.

Right, so you just want one answer?

Right. OK, "Veni, vidi, vici" means,

"I came, I saw, I conquered."

-Or, play conkers, as the case may be.

-OK, let's see if that is right.

"I came, I saw, I conquered." How many of our 100 people said that?

31.

-31, OK.

-Well played, Adam.

Now, you and Adam both said "vicki" instead of "vitchi".

-That's more correct, is it?

-Well, "vitchi" is...

If you pronounce the C, "tchi",

-in church Latin you would.

-What's church Latin?

Well, church Latin is the Latin of the mass, you would say "tchi".

I don't know what to believe any more.

I'm much more comfortable when we have the Cheeky Girls on.

-Now, the "Keeky" Girls.

-The Keeky Girls, yeah, exactly. There we go.

-Thank you very much. Now, then, Janina.

-Yes.

Janina, what would you like to go for?

There's a couple

I reckon I could have a stab at.

But I'm going to go with the volcano

which erupted in AD 79.

-And I'm going to go with Vesuvius.

-Vesuvius, says Janina.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Vesuvius.

Well, 31 is our only score at this stage.

Vesuvius, 56.

-Oh!

-There you are.

-Very popular.

-Very popular volcano there.

-It last erupted in 1944, as well, Vesuvius.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. So, Larry, the board is all yours.

-Yeah.

-Talk us through it. It's not so bad, is it?

-It's not awful.

It's sort of annoying cos I've got a feeling I do know the answer

to the second one. I've got a feeling this guy

might have played him at one point.

The top one is Gladiator.

Monty Python film, I'd get thrown out of the comedy writers circle

-if I didn't know Life Of Brian.

-You really would.

I'm thinking Cleopatra.

There were two people, weren't there, that famously...

she sort of flimflammed between two men.

But I would have thought that would be Mark Antony.

Yeah, fortune favours the brave, as I think was said by a Roman

who then immediately died.

-Mark Antony, please.

-Mark Antony, says Larry.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mark Antony.

Absolutely right. Now, 56 our high score, 31 our low.

You passed the high,

you passed the low.

Look at that, well done! Fortune favours the brave indeed, Larry.

-Genius!

-13.

Well played, Larry. Terrific answer.

Went for the right one of the ones you knew as well.

You are right about Gladiator.

But it would've scored you more points, would've scored you 48.

You're right about Life Of Brian as well, of course.

That would have scored you 22.

Now, Ben, did you play this philosopher, do you think?

-I am pretty sure I did. I'm suffering.

-It's terrible, isn't it?

The answer was Seneca.

-Seneca!

-Seneca. And it was a pointless answer as well.

Very well done if you said that.

Thanks. We are halfway through, let's look at the scores.

13, the best score of that pass. Larry, very well done to you.

Larry and Ben looking very strong. On 31, we find

Adam and Kate. Then 56,

Janina and Andrew. So, Andrew,

yes, a nice low score from you on the next board, please,

will keep you in the round. We come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more clues up on the board, and here they come.

We have got...

I'll read those one last time.

Now, then. Ben.

-Oh, it is me, isn't it?

-Ben, yes.

Nice low score, by the way, from Larry on that last round,

which means, if you score 42 or less,

you will be sure of a place in the head-to-head.

I'm going to go for the Kubrick film.

Spartacus.

Spartacus, says Ben. Here is your red line.

If you can get below that with Spartacus,

you are definitely in the head-to-head.

Let's see how many people said Spartacus. Is it right?

It is right.

Not bad, Ben. Not bad at all. 50.

Look at that. 63 is your total. APPLAUSE

Yeah, it won four Oscars in 1961.

A lot of this round is actually a film round disguised.

-It really is.

-It is a pretend history round.

-Yeah.

Thank you very much, Richard. Andrew.

Now, Andrew, you really want to be scoring 6 or less to be

sure of a place in the next round.

-That's easy(!)

-Uh-huh.

I know the answer to four, but that might be a bit obvious.

Five is pretty obvious, too.

Six. I don't think that many people would get.

So I am going to guess, of the two that it could be,

-I think it is Coriolanus.

-Coriolanus, says Andrew.

OK, there is your red line.

You have got to get below that

-with Coriolanus.

-Oh, great(!)

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Coriolanus.

Is right.

All going the right way...

You made it through! Well done indeed. 2.

2 for Coriolanus. 58...

Well done!

..is your total.

APPLAUSE

-Also turned into a film, of course, with Ralph Fiennes.

-Yeah.

Very good film.

There you go. Thank you very much indeed. Now, then, Kate.

Kate, look at this. 31,

you have. 31, you have to score.

Shall I go for the easy ones...? Shall I go for the ones I know

but I think they're going to be high scores?

Or shall I go for the risky one?

I will go for number...number...

five, I think. That has got to be the easiest, I think.

So that is Hadrian's Wall.

OK. OK, now, there is your red line.

Hadrian's Wall, says Kate. Let's see how far down the column we get

with Hadrian's Wall.

Ohh...

48. 79 is your total.

Oh, no!

-I'm sorry, Kate, that is a high score there.

-Yeah, sorry, Kate.

High wall, high score.

If you'd had to go for a risk, another one you might have gone for?

-I was risking number one.

-What would you have gone for, for number one?

-Was that Genghis Khan?

-Do you know what? It's not,

but an awful lot of people would have said that. It's Attila the Hun.

-Oh!

-Attila the Hun?

-It's the other one.

That is a nickname and a half, isn't it? The Scourge of God.

-Yeah. And he went with The Hun? I mean, really?!

-Isn't that weird?

Would have scored you 13 points.

If you'd given us the Roman god,

which of course is Jupiter, we'd be in a deadlock situation

-because it would have scored you 32 points.

-Oh, no!

-Wow.

And the Latin lyric poet and satirist.

I was thinking of Cicero.

-It is Horace.

-Horace!

-Horace is the answer.

Would've scored you 3 points.

But Quintus Horatius Flaccus,

also the real name of Snoop Doggy Dog.

Oh, right. ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Thank you very much indeed. So we are at the and of our second round.

Look at this, very impressive scoring there.

And I am afraid our high-scorers on only 79 -

it's not that high a score but somebody has to be -

and I'm afraid, Kate and Adam, it is you.

Thank you so much for coming and playing.

Wonderful having you. Please come again.

But in the meantime, thank you very much. Kate and Adam.

APPLAUSE

But for Andrew and Janina, Larry and Ben, it is

now time for our head-to-head.

Well done, Larry and Ben, Andrew and Janina,

you are now one step closer

to the final and that chance to play for our jackpot for your charities.

And at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Very good indeed.

Now, this is the point where we decide who goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. We do that by making you go head-to-head.

The difference is you can now confer before you give your answers.

So we get the sum total of all that knowledge.

First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck with this round. Let's play the head-to-head!

APPLAUSE

Here is your first question. And it concerns...

Songs from musicals. Richard.

We are going to play five versions of songs from famous musicals now.

You need to tell us what musicals are the following songs from,

please. The name of the musical is what we are looking for.

OK. So let's reveal our songs, and here they come.

We are listening to them in order.

A is the first.

# What good is sitting alone in your room

# Come hear the music play... #

Here is B.

# I dreamed a dream

# In time gone by

# When hope was high

# And life worth living

# I dreamed that love would never die... #

Here is C.

# Now at least I know I know him well

-# Wasn't it good?

-Oh, so good

-# Wasn't he fine?

-Oh, so fine.

# Isn't it madness?

# He can't be mine. #

Here is D.

# Oh, what a beautiful morning

# Oh, what a beautiful day

# I got a beautiful feeling

# Everything's going my way. #

And here is E.

# Isn't it rich?

# Are we a pair?

# Me here at last on the ground

# You in midair

# Send in the clowns... #

OK, there we are. Now, Larry and Ben,

you have been our low-scorers throughout the show so far,

so you will answer first.

The two that I definitely know I think most people will know.

So I am inclined to go for C.

-Chess?

-Chess.

Chess for C, say Larry and Ben, Chess. Now, Andrew and Janina.

Um... OK, well, we are pretty good on A and B.

B is Les Mis.

The trouble with A is that anybody who starts singing it, they know...

Cos the word...the name of the musical is

straight bang there in the first line.

I think E is Aspects Of Love, but I'm not sure.

-Shall we just go with the one that we know?

-Yes.

-All right.

-Let's play it safe.

-A - Cabaret.

A - Cabaret. So we have Chess and we have Cabaret.

Now, Larry and Ben went for Chess

for C. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Chess.

Is right. Chess is right.

APPLAUSE

21 for Chess, which means Andrew

and Janina have to beat that with Cabaret, which they have said is A.

Let's see if that's right.

Oh, Andrew, you flatter yourself.

63. Larry and Ben, very well done.

After one question, you are up 1-nil.

I Know Him So Well from Chess, of course.

Only one answer to beat it.

Let's take a little listen to the ones we haven't got answers for. B.

As you rightly said, it is Les Miserables.

Would have scored 52 points.

This is D.

-That is Oh, What A Beautiful Morning, from Oklahoma!

-Oklahoma!

Would've scored you 46 points. Again, wouldn't have won the point.

It is the last one that would have

-won you the point.

-This one...I think I know.

-This is a Sondheim musical.

-It's A Little Night Music.

-A Little Night Music.

-Oh!

-Exactly.

It would have scored you 8 points.

-So very well done if you said that at home.

-Very nice.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

So here comes your second question.

Now, Andrew and Janina, you have to win this one,

-but you do get to answer it first.

-OK.

-So it concerns...

JANINA LAUGHS

-Is that good for you?

-Tudor Queens, Richard.

We are going to show you five clues now relating to

queens of the Tudor dynasty.

The most obscure answer will get you the points.

OK, rather than have me read out the clues,

which I could of course do, we have someone far better equipped.

-We have the one and only Sir Tony Robinson.

-Oh!

Hi, Xander and Richard, sorry I can't be with you tonight,

but I have got five clues relating to queens of the Tudor dynasty.

She was played by Claire Foy

in the 2015 BBC drama series Wolf Hall.

She was the mother of Edward VI.

She was beheaded in the Tower of London in the year 1542.

She was played by Judi Dench in the 1998 film Shakespeare In Love.

She was the sixth wife of Henry VIII.

Good luck.

There we are. OK, I'm going to read those out one last time.

There we are. Andrew and Janina, it is over to you.

THEY WHISPER

OK, we're going to go for "She was the mother of Edward VI",

and I'm going to say Jane Seymour.

Jane Seymour, say Andrew and Janina. Jane Seymour.

Now, then, Larry and Ben, talk us through the board.

Well, no, this is terrible because Ben has played Henry VIII.

Yes, I have.

-So you have been married to all of them.

-I have been married to all of them.

OK, so Claire Foy, we were saying, was Anne Boleyn,

-played Anne Boleyn.

-Yeah.

-OK.

Beheaded in the Tower of London, 1542, would have been number five?

-Yes.

-That's the one I can't think of the name of.

The sixth wife, was it Catherine Parr who survived him?

-And Judi Dench, she played Elizabeth, didn't she?

-Yeah.

-OK.

But I will state that the sixth wife of Henry VIII is Catherine Parr.

Catherine Parr, say Larry and Ben. Catherine Parr.

So we have Jane Seymour and we have Catherine Parr.

Two good answers there.

Andrew and Janina have said Jane Seymour

for the mother of Edward VI.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said Jane Seymour.

It's right.

Oh, no!

-APPLAUSE

-It's not that low.

30 for Jane Seymour.

Now, Larry and Ben have gone for Catherine Parr,

let's see if that is right for the sixth wife of Henry VIII.

Let's see how many people said Catherine Parr.

It is absolutely right.

Now, then, this, I think, is going to be very close indeed.

Who is going to... Oh!

There is your answer, it's 36.

36 for Catherine Parr.

But well done. Andrew and Janina, you're back in the game.

After two questions, it is 1-all.

And you were nip and tuck as to whether to go for that or for

Anne Boleyn for the top one, which is the right answer.

Anne Boleyn would have seen you into the final. Because it is right.

-And it would have scored 21 points.

-Never listen to me.

21 points for that.

Now, Judi Dench, yes, absolutely right, played Elizabeth.

Would have scored too many points for everybody.

Would have scored 49.

-And the best answer on the board is Catherine Howard.

-Of course.

And that would have scored 16 points.

-Good Lord.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So here comes your third question.

Whoever wins this one goes through to the final to play

for that jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Yay!

Animal jokes, Richard.

We're going to show you five animal jokes now.

We need you to tell us the punchline, please.

To help you out, we have given you

alternate letters of the punchlines.

Whoever gives us the best answer is going through

to play for the jackpot.

-This is just superb, Richard.

-Fun, isn't it?

We've never done this before. Let's reveal our five animal jokes. And here they come.

-I know them all!

-I'll read those one last time.

Now, then, Larry and Ben will go first.

THEY WHISPER

I think I know the first one. So shall we try that?

Yeah, let's do that.

What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?

Is it a catameringue?

Surely!

Andrew and Janina, talk us through the board.

I have a six-year-old son, so I know the answer to all of them.

-By hareplane.

-By hareplane.

What do you call an elephant that flies?

A jumbo jet. What do you call a fly that has no wings? A walk.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

-We are going to go with a walk.

-You're going to go with a walk.

So we have a catameringue and we have a walk.

So in the order they were given, Larry and Ben said a catameringue.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

Catameringue gets 23.

APPLAUSE

Now, then, Andrew and Janina have gone for a walk, which arguably

-might be more of a score.

-I think we might be going for a walk.

Who knows? We'll see. One of you will. We'll find out, though.

A walk, how many people said that? Is it right?

It is right. Of course it's right.

Oh, 26 for a walk!

Very close indeed.

-That is amazing.

-Very close indeed, but very well done.

Larry and Ben, after three questions,

you are through to the final 2-1.

Well played, both teams.

Those are the best two answers on the board by quite some way.

We've heard all these punchlines.

By hareplane would have scored you 42.

Jumbo jet would have scored you 54.

And a bulldozer, the biggest score

by a mile, actually. 89 points.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

-I'm so sorry, Andrew and Janina. That was so close.

-Really, really close.

-It was all down to who went first.

-Yeah.

But yeah, absolutely fantastic.

It has been great having you on the show.

Very strong performance all the way across.

We'll draw a veil over Liechtenstein.

But please come back and play again.

Andrew and Janina, thanks very much indeed. Great contestants.

But for Larry and Ben, it is now time for our Pointless final.

What about that?!

Larry and Ben, you've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

-You've seen off all those historians.

-I know.

OK, now, let's see what the selection is today.

You can choose one of these four.

-Oooh...

-I mean, I know nothing about the Lake District

apart from it's got at least A LAKE,

probably numerous. Put that one aside.

Roaring '20s... Lovely time.

Love Art Deco and all of that, but let's not be silly here.

-It's going to have to be...

-Classic British films.

Classic British films it is.

OK, very best of luck.

Ben, last time you were here, you scored 1 point.

Let's hope you can go one better with one of these.

We're looking for any cast members, according to IMDB,

of any of the three following films, please.

Looking for any cast member of 2001's Gosford Park.

-Any cast member of 1981's Chariots Of Fire.

-Oh!

Or any cast member of 1962's Lawrence Of Arabia.

So according to IMDB, the cast members of Gosford Park,

Chariots Of Fire or Lawrence Of Arabia.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. OK, now, as always,

you've got one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot is for one to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-You betcha.

-Yes.

-OK, let's put 60

seconds on the clock. There they are.

-Your time starts now.

-Right, I have

never seen any of these films.

-Oh, God!

-Not true.

I've seen Lawrence of Arabia

and Chariots Of Fire, but a long

-time ago.

-So, Chariots Of Fire,

I was thinking about this morning,

-isn't that weird?

-That's very weird.

-Ben Cross and...

-Yes.

-And Nigel Havers.

-Yeah.

Nigel Havers, I think, will be the more likely of the two,

but Ben Cross is good.

Gosford Park had like...

Gosford Park had everyone in it.

If you just say an actor, they were in it.

But I can't think who was in it.

It's like Robert Altman, isn't it?

-Is that right? No, it's not.

-No.

-We'll talk about that later.

-OK. Arabia.

It has got everyone, it has got your Fry, it's got Richard E Grant,

it's got...

American actor. This would be a good answer.

-Oh, my goodness me!

-What else is he in?

Uh...

I don't think we can say,

-"American actor."

-Ten seconds.

Anyone from Lawrence Of Arabia,

obviously apart from...?

-Apart from...

-Apart from...

OK, it's fine. It's fine.

OK, I'm afraid that is your time up.

What are your three answers going to be?

I think it has got to be Ben Cross.

-Ben Cross for Chariots Of Fire.

-Ben Cross.

-So Havers?

-We're going to have to.

-You're going to go with Havers?

-Nigel Havers.

OK, Havers is in there too.

I think we are going to have for... OK, just... We'll go with

Richard E Grant, but I think we are wrong here.

Richard E Grant, OK. For Gosford Park.

Of those three, best shot at a pointless answer?

-Ben Cross.

-Ben Cross, surely. Least likely to be pointless?

Probably Havers.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order.

And here they are.

Three excellent answers on the board.

What charities will you be giving this jackpot to should you win it?

Mine goes to the Cystic Fibrosis Trust -

a good friend of mine's condition that she lives with

and an awful lot of great work being done and leaps

and strides being made but a lot more work to do.

-Ben?

-I have decided to go with War Child.

OK, very good. APPLAUSE

Two excellent charities there.

Let's hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for them to split.

OK, in the first instance,

we were looking for actors from the cast of Chariots Of Fire.

You have gone for Nigel Havers.

This is the one you thought was probably least likely to be

pointless. For £2,500, let's see how many people went for Havers.

It's right.

Actually, right now,

if this goes all the way down to zero,

you leave here immediately

with £2,500 for your charities.

Down it goes through the teens.

Into single figures. Still going down.

Look at that!

6 for Nigel Havers.

Wow.

So, unfortunately, not a pointless answer, which means everything is

now riding on your last two answers, Richard E Grant and Ben Cross.

Richard E Grant, in this case,

we were looking for Gosford Park cast members.

Let's see how many people said that.

It has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

For £2,500, how many people said Richard E Grant?

It's right!

Richard E Grant is right.

Ben certain it was wrong, but it is right.

Nigel Havers was right

and took us all the way down to 6.

Richard E Grant is now taking us down

into single figures, down it goes.

Past 6. Still going down.

Still going down. You've done it!

Very well done indeed!

APPLAUSE

Very well done. Very well done.

What about that? Congratulations.

Richard E Grant was a pointless answer,

which means your charities are now going to be richer

to the tune of £2,500.

-That is superb.

-Wonderful.

-Very, very well done indeed.

Congratulations, gents.

That is absolutely terrific work. One better than last time, Ben.

Very well played. Ben Cross would've scored you 3 points.

-CONTESTANTS:

-Oh!

So, well done, Richard E Grant, eh?

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in these different

categories. Lots of very famous actors in Gosford Park

were pointless answers.

Of course.

Alan Bates, Frank Thornton, Geraldine Somerville,

James Wilby, Jeremy Northam, Laurence Fox...

Loads of pointless answers in that.

Ryan Phillippe, I think, was the name of the American actor.

-That's it.

-He was also a pointless answer.

Now, let's look at Chariots Of Fire.

Let's take a look at the final one, Lawrence Of Arabia.

Some big names here as well.

Everyone in that film apart from Peter O'Toole, Omar Sharif,

Alec Guinness and Jack Hawkins,

everybody else was a pointless answer. So, well done if you got

one of those. And congratulations in the studio, gents, very well played.

Well, thanks once again to our winning players, Larry and Ben,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,500 for their charities.

Brilliant.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll put more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it is goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.