Law and Order Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

and a very warm welcome to this special law and order edition of Pointless Celebrities -

the show where we are always striving to find the most

obscure answers.

Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number one.

-Hello, yes.

I'm Helen Fraser and, for about eight years,

I played the very scary prison warder in Bad Girls,

and this naughty one was one of my prisoners.

Hello. I'm Vicky Alcock.

As Helen said, I play one of the Julies in Bad Girls.

This is my first time here.

-We're a little bit nervous, aren't we, Helen?

-Yes.

APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

Hello, I'm Roberta Taylor, and I played Inspector Gina Gold in The Bill,

who was also a bit horrible.

And I'm Chris Ellison, and I played DI Burnside in The Bill,

and he was really nice.

Really horrible.

APPLAUSE

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Arthur Bostrom.

I played Crabtree, a rather incompetent gendarme, in 'Allo 'Allo!,

who didn't "spook Fronch very will".

LAUGHTER

Hello, I'm Mina Anwar, and I played PC Maggie Habib

in The Thin Blue Line.

APPLAUSE

And, finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Dominic Littlewood, and along with my brother in arms, Matt,

we are the only real true fighters of justice for the people -

-not these thespians!

-LAUGHTER

Controversial. I am Matt Allwright,

and I'm a journalist and presenter on BBC Watchdog and Rogue Traders,

and we haven't brought our capes, have we, today?

-No.

-No. We haven't brought our capes.

APPLAUSE

Thank you, all of you. We'll find out more about you throughout the show, as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

On an open bus tour through the nation's ignorance -

no need to book, just hop on - it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya. Evening, everybody.

-APPLAUSE

Good evening.

Evening all, we should say, shouldn't we, on a law and order special?

What a lovely line-up. We've got two people who've been on before.

Matt and Helen have both been on before - only made it as far as Round Two,

so no-one here's ever been in even so far as a head-to-head let alone a

jackpot round. And lovely, on podium three, to have Arthur.

He is one of my many, many celebrity lookalikes.

Whenever 'Allo 'Allo! is on - which is on literally all the time,

it's never off our screens - people will say,

-"Did you used to be the policeman in 'Allo 'Allo?"

-LAUGHTER

Lovely to have you all here. Very, very best of luck.

First round, one of those ones, might catch a couple of people out.

-OK.

-But... But I think it's a sort of question we've had before and,

-occasionally, people take a wrong turn on it. But...

-That'll be fun.

-..plenty of good answers there.

-Plenty of good answers.

-Excellent. Thank you very much.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before

the show. Our contestants are trying to find those all-important pointless answers -

these being the answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There it is. APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So, all you have to remember is this...

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be

eliminated. That's it. That's all you have to remember. So do everything you can to make sure

your scores are low. Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this evening

is...

UK... Vicky's already despairing.

-UK... It's not that bad. UK Geography.

-You don't know me.

Can you decide in your pairs, who's going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Yeah, we're looking for any official UK cities -

there's 69 official UK cities that have been granted city status -

we're looking for any of those whose first vowel is an E, please.

Doesn't have to start with an E, obviously, but just the first vowel in its name is an E.

-Very best of luck.

-Yes.

Very best of luck indeed.

-OK, Helen, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you back.

-Thank you very much.

-Now, Helen,

I can't understand how you played Bodybag.

-She was such a nasty piece of work.

-Wonderful part, though.

-Oh...

-Absolutely wonderful part.

Where did you film Bad Girls?

-Was that...

-Oh, it's 3 Mills Studio, which is in East London, yes.

-It was the biggest set in Europe.

-I was going to say...

-And it was solid.

-I promise you, everything worked.

-Oh, you can't have wobbly sets in a prison.

-No wobbly sets.

The gates clanged and the cells locked.

-Yes, they did. They really did.

-LAUGHTER

-That was quite frightening.

-If I didn't like somebody one day...

LAUGHTER

-..they stayed there quite a long time.

-Now, Helen...

-Yes?

A UK city whose first vowel is an E.

-Right.

-It's not quite as straightforward as you might think,

-is it, actually?

-No, but I think I've got one.

-Good.

-Exeter.

Ah, excellent answer. Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said Exeter.

Down it goes.

54.

APPLAUSE

54 for Exeter.

-Yeah, Exeter... Not only is its first vowel an E, its first letter is an E.

-Look at that.

It's got three Es in it. Doesn't have any other vowels.

-OK... Chris.

-Yes.

-Welcome. Great to have you here.

I mean, when you were doing The Bill, did you...

-I mean, you must have done quite a lot of police training for it?

-None whatsoever.

-Really?

-No.

-You didn't go visit Hendon once?

No, not at all. Every time I see a policeman, I run the other way.

-Yes.

-Do you have a policeman, sort of, adviser on board,

-who would tell you...

-There were police advisers there. Yeah. All the time. Yeah.

It must have been quite hard for them to advise Burnside,

given you literally didn't do anything you were supposed to do at any point.

LAUGHTER

Now, Chris, cities with E as their first vowel.

Well, I'm going to go for Ely.

Ely... OK, well, let's see.

Ely. How many of our 100 people said Ely?

Well, 54 is our only score at this point.

You've passed 54. Oh, Ely, look at that!

Sneaking by at 23.

Very good.

APPLAUSE

That's a very good answer. One of the smallest cities in the UK, Ely. Just 20,000 people.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Arthur, welcome to Pointless. It's great to have you here.

-It's great to be here.

-Now, when you were playing Crabtree,

how strict were they on script?

We used to have weird conversations like...

I can remember saying, "In the last series,

"I said 'deena mote' for 'dynamite' but this season it says 'deena meet'."

And David Croft would say, "Say whatever you feel is right."

LAUGHTER

Bizarre conversations.

There we are. Now, Arthur,

we're looking for a city whose first vowel is an E.

-Preston.

-Preston.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said Preston.

It's right.

Well, 23 is our low score.

Preston passes 23 with ease.

Down it goes to 9. Very well done indeed, Arthur.

APPLAUSE

That's a good answer, isn't it? Very, very well played.

Yeah, it was granted city status in 2002, Preston.

Who's on the, on the city committee?

-It is, it is...

-There's three people.

-Yeah.

-There's the Queen...

-Yes.

-There's... Do you know the ex-footballer Jimmy Bullard?

-Jimmy Bullard? Of course I do.

-And me.

-And you. LAUGHTER

We sit around, and we decide what's to be the next city.

Very good.

I can exclusively reveal - I mean, it's all fair and above board, and we don't accept bribes at all -

but the next UK city is going to be Qatar.

LAUGHTER

Matt, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here.

Now, when you're doing your sort of doorstepping,

your investigative journalism...

So, has it come to blows yet, Matt?

The worst I've had, I've had a biro shoved up my nose,

and a leaf blower swung at my head. You know, one of the... Those big...

-You know, electric leaf blowers.

-Yeah.

-Whoosh! Like that.

-Was it blowing at the time?

-No, no. Otherwise I'd have a lovely, sort of...

-I was going to say, you'd have a...

-..Harry Styles quiff.

And all these things were done by Anne Robinson, you say?

LAUGHTER

She'd have to get near me first.

OK. Now, Matt, cities whose first vowel is an E.

I think, possibly, the last city to be named was Perth.

OK, so you're going to say Perth.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said Perth.

It's right.

HE EXHALES

9 is our low score at the moment.

Perth...

is 4. Look at that. Very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

-Well done.

-Thank you.

-That's a terrific answer, Matt.

-Very well played. And you're absolutely right.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Halfway through the round, let's look at the scores, 4 the best score.

Very well done. Dominic and Matt looking very strong.

Then up to 9 - Arthur and Mina.

23 - Chris and Roberta.

And then 54 - Helen and Vicky.

So, Vicky... Yes, we're going to need a low score from you.

-Good luck.

-I can't...

OK, we're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Dominic, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here.

Now, you, I imagine you must get the best service of anyone in the country.

Speaking as someone who generally apologises if someone stands on my

foot. Were you always quite a confrontational, shall we say, person?

I regularly complain, but I also regularly will actually compliment somebody if the service is good,

and I'll quite often phone a company up or send a letter and just say,

"Do you know what? That person, or what you're doing, is very, very good."

But I do like speaking my mind.

Positive encouragement. It's the only way they learn, Dom, isn't it?

-It is.

-Only way they learn.

-If you don't correct, you accept.

-Oh, that's nice! I'll remember that.

-How about that?

Dominic, there you are, you're on 4.

Our high-scorers are Vicky and Helen on 54, so 49 or less...

will get you through.

I can only think of some of the bigger ones. I'll go for Leicester.

Leicester, says Dominic.

Let's see if that's right. Here's your red line.

Quite nice and high. If you can get below that, you're through to Round Two.

Very well done. You're in Round Two.

31 for Leicester. APPLAUSE

35 is your total.

Well played, terrific stuff.

The world's first-ever package tour was organised by

-Thomas Cook from Leicester to Loughborough.

-Oh!

-I know.

How about that? I have to say, though, left 20 minutes late, so I don't know...

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much. When was that?

-Must have been centuries ago.

-1841.

Wow.

-Thank you very much.

-Pleasure.

-Good.

-Mina.

-Hello.

-Mina, welcome to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here. Do you know,

my very first foray into TV comedy was on Thin Blue Line?

On The Thin Blue Line?

I don't know why, I played a drunk toff.

-LAUGHTER

-That's so, that's so weird.

-I know. Bit of a...

-You've taken method acting really too far.

LAUGHTER

Now, Mina, you're on 9.

The high-scorers are still Vicky and Helen on 54.

-I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

-No pressure.

So, 44 or less gets you through.

I've got a couple.

I'm going to go for Derby.

Derby. Derby, says Mina.

Here's your red line. If you can get below that with Derby,

you're through to the next round. How many people said Derby?

It's right.

Very well done.

18.

APPLAUSE

27 is your total.

Very good answer. There's a car park in Derby that's been named one of the

ten most secure places in the world, alongside Fort Knox and various other places.

Hasn't had a case of vandalism ever since it's been built.

So it's one of the most secure places in the world.

-I wouldn't keep my money there, but, apparently...

-No.

-Apparently that's the place.

-Wow.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Ah, Roberta. Roberta, welcome to Pointless.

Now, you were in The Bill.

It was one night a week, wasn't it?

But then it suddenly went up to twice a week.

It was so immensely popular.

-I know.

-So, that kind of...

But it remained a drama, but almost on a, sort of,

on a soap opera footing.

-Everyone had, you know, the speed at which...

-They're mad for it in Australia.

I did a book tour there and it was like...

I was Tom Cruise when I got off the plane. I mean, they were mad for it.

Now, Roberta, you're on 23.

I'm so sorry, Vicky and Helen, to keep holding you up like this,

but you are still our high-scorers.

-I'm going to faint in a minute.

-30 or less, Roberta,

keeps you in the game.

I'm going to go for Wrexham.

Wrexham. Wrexham.

That, that... The single, sort of, "Mmm" from

the audience, I don't know what that means. But, yeah. Wrexham.

Let's see if it's right. Here's your red line. That could be a brilliant answer, let's hope it is.

Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

-I'm so sorry!

-It's all right.

-I'm so sorry, Roberta.

Wrexham...

You should wave Wrexham through one of these days.

I know. I wish I had now. If only I had.

No, not a city, I'm afraid, Roberta.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Vicky...

Vicky, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-How many episodes of Bad Girls did you make?

We reached over 100, I know, when we actually finished,

including a couple of Christmas specials, that sort of thing.

But I remember them kind of going, "And this is, you know,

"our 100th episode," so I know we did a little bit more than that.

-That's got to be some kind of record, hasn't it?

-Yeah.

-That's an enormous number.

Living, breathing...

You must have had a fair few run-ins with Helen, over...

I mean, not with Helen Helen, but with Bodybag...

Well, yes and no,

because although my character and the other Julie were constant

-reoffenders...

-Yeah.

..they sort of played the game, as well, so they, you know,

they were quite helpful sometimes or...

-They wouldn't grass, you know? That sort of thing.

-They weren't, they weren't the naughtiest,

-by any means.

-No, no.

-Very good. Now, Vicky...

-Yes.

-No longer the high-scorers.

No longer the high-scorers. You have a target, which is 68 or less.

-Yeah. Yeah, OK.

-68 or less.

-Right.

-You must have a good answer, surely.

-You'd think, wouldn't you? You'd think I would.

-Sure would.

-OK, I'm going to go for Chelmsford.

Chelmsford. Chelmsford, says Vicki. Here's your red line.

If you can get below that with Chelmsford, you're

into the next round. Let's see how many people said Chelmsford. Is it right?

It is right.

And through you go.

Oh, that's a good answer. Down it goes, down it goes.

It's 3! What about that? APPLAUSE

The best till last, Vicky.

57 is your total. Lowest score of the round, there.

-Oh, my goodness!

-I tell you what, she's some actress.

At the start of the round, "Oh, not UK Geography,"

throughout the entire round, "This is going to be awful,"

and then coming up with the best answer of the round, just like that.

Just like that. Now, there is one pointless answer out here,

and there's some low scorers as well.

The pointless answer is Derry. So, well done if you said that.

You'd have got 1 point for Newry, also in Northern Ireland.

2 points for Westminster.

Then it's Chelmsford, it's the next best answer on the board.

Terrific stuff. 6 points for Hereford, and for Wells.

9 points for Newport. 11 for Chester.

13 for Peterborough. 16 for Belfast.

17, Sheffield.

You would have got 27 for Newcastle upon Tyne.

So the top three were...

Leeds, 37.

Exeter, 54. What do you think's top?

-Edinburgh.

-Edinburgh, of course it is. Big scorer, though. 78.

Wow. There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home -

I'm so sorry - with their high score of 123, it's Roberta and Chris.

Far too soon to be sending you home.

It's been such a pleasure having you on.

Thank you. Roberta and Chris! APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And, suddenly, we're down to three pairs.

And at the end of this round, we'll be down to two pairs.

I mean, it's sort of tragic, really, but that's how it works.

Well done, Dominic and Matt. Lovely low-scoring teamwork there.

-Thank you.

-Superb. Vicky...

-I know!

Just wonderful.

Lovely low score from you. And Mina and Arthur...

I mean, we've got returners on both of those two pairs,

and you're here for the first time, and here you are in Round Two already.

It's looking very strong indeed.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two, this evening,

is...

Actors. Can you all decide, in your pairs,

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And, whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

-Film Villains. Richard...

-On each board,

we're going to show you the names of six film villains.

We need you to tell us the actor who played them, please.

Obviously, the more obscure answer, the better it's going to be.

Six on each board, 12 to have a go at at home.

-Good luck.

-OK, so, who is the actor who played each of these villains?

Here's our first board of six. We've got...

I'll read those all again.

Helen...

My memory's left me, I'm afraid, but...

I know it's the most obvious, but...

Hannibal Lecter was Anthony Hopkins.

Anthony Hopkins, says Helen.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many of our 100 people agree.

53. APPLAUSE

Not bad. Not bad.

A character who was previously played by Brian Cox, of course.

-Not that one.

-Not that one.

-No.

-The other one.

-Now, Mina...

-Yes.

-Mina, how do you find our board?

-I know a few of them.

But I'm just wondering which...

Cos sometimes you think it's obscure and it's obvious.

Erm...

I'm going to go Sheriff of Nottingham - Alan Rickman.

Alan Rickman, says Mina.

Let's see how many of our 100 people agree with that.

-Ooh...

-Did he not...?

-Oh, Mina.

-Oh!

I'm afraid it's not, for some reason.

Yeah, sorry, Mina. Not 2010, I'm afraid.

Oh! 2010!

Of course. There we go. Thanks very much, Richard.

Dominic. Now, here's fun, Dominic - this board's all yours.

You can talk us through all of them, if you like.

This is not a good subject for me,

because I'm somebody who watches films and pays very little attention to the actors' names.

-Ah...

-So, for me, I'm going to take what I think is the right answer,

probably not the lowest one, I'm going to say Gordon Gekko,

which I think was Michael Douglas.

Michael Douglas, says Dominic. Michael Douglas.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said it.

It is right. Well, 100 was our highest score.

You've passed that. 53 is our low. You've passed that.

23.

APPLAUSE

Still looking very strong on that far podium.

Well played, Dom. Very, very solid indeed.

Let's fill in the rest of these.

We'll end on the Sheriff of Nottingham.

We'll start at the top, Freddy Krueger...

who was Robert Englund.

Would have scored you 17 points.

-John Doe, in Se7en...

-It's Kevin Spacey.

Kevin Spacey was the answer there.

10 points. Captain Hook in Hook...

-Slightly harder, that. It's...

-Dustin Hoffman.

-Dustin Hoffman, yeah.

-Yeah.

-21 points.

And the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood was...

-Mark Strong, or something like that?

-No, it was Matthew Macfadyen.

-Oh, right.

-And it was a pointless answer, so very well done if you said it.

Can I just commend our persistence in writing Se7en with a "7".

-With a

-"7". I like that.

-Good, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-It's attention to detail.

Yup. It is. Bewitched?

Do we do the little star instead of the E?

-Yes, we do.

-This is all thrilling. Thank you.

Let's move on. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 23. Well done, Dominic.

Dominic and Matt, once again, looking very, very strong.

Then up to 53, Helen and Vicky.

Once again, a high score from you, Helen.

But you've been saved by an incorrect answer,

because Mina and Arthur are on 100.

It may not be the last incorrect answer, Arthur,

so if we have a low score from you...

we could see you in the next round.

We'll come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more villains up on the board.

And here they are. We've got...

I'll read those one last time.

Now then, Matt...

It's one of those subjects where you think you know almost all of them...

-Yeah.

-..but not with 100% certainty.

So I'm going to go with the one I'm relatively sure of...

..and that's Alec Trevelyan from GoldenEye, I think was Sean Bean.

Sean Bean.

Now, you have to score 76 or less.

That's what it looks like. There's the red line.

Let's see how many people said Sean Bean.

It's right.

And you're through.

13.

APPLAUSE

36 is your total.

Well played, Matt. They're not putting a foot wrong on that last podium, are they?

Indeed. Thanks very much indeed. Now, Arthur...

Still our high-scorers.

I don't know whether this is a high score. I mean, there's...

I've seen all of these movies, but I can't really remember the names.

But the one I think I can remember is Cruella De Vil - Glenn Close.

Glenn Close, says Arthur.

No red line for you, as you are the high-scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 said Glenn Close.

Not bad. 22.

APPLAUSE

122 is your total.

Yeah, well played. Did everything you could there.

Just puts a little bit of pressure on Vicky.

Yeah. I was going to say that one.

-Vicky, do you want to talk us through the board?

-Not really, no.

-No?

LAUGHTER

Actually, there was only about three that I knew.

I didn't know the Sean Bean one, at all.

So I'm going to go with the Dr Evil, Austin Powers as Mike Myers.

Mike Myers, says Vicky.

Here's your red line. Get below that with Mike Myers,

you're in the head-to-head. Let's see how may people said Mike Myers.

Very well done.

33. APPLAUSE

86 is your total.

Yeah, he played Austin Powers and Dr Evil, of course, Mike Myers,

in that film. Wonderful performances.

Now, Hans Gruber in Die Hard - do you know who that is, Mina?

-Jeremy Irons.

-It's Alan Rickman!

-Alan Rickman.

-No, it was Alan Rickman.

-Alan Rickman!

-Really?

-16 points for that. Agent Smith in The Matrix...

was Hugo Weaving.

6 points. The best answer on the board

is Professor Moriarty in the Sherlock Holmes films.

Do you know that? It's a tough one.

It was Jared Harris.

Jared Harris.

Would have scored 1 point.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. So, at the end of our second round,

-the pair who are heading home with their high score of 122, I'm so sorry...

-I'm sorry.

-..Arthur and Mina, it's you.

-I was so looking forward to Arthur playing for the "jokpit", as well.

LAUGHTER

Thank you so much for coming along.

Please come and play again. Arthur and Mina, wonderful to have you on.

APPLAUSE

But for Dominic and Matt, Helen and Vicky,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Very well done. Dominic and Matt, Helen and Vicky,

you are now one step closer to the final

and the chance to play for that jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

So we have to decide which pair's going to go through to the final and play for that money

and we do that by making you go head-to-head.

The big difference is you can now chat before you give your answers.

You can confer, play as a team.

First player to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

It's going to be very exciting.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question.

And it concerns...

Madonna UK Top 40 Singles, Richard.

We're going to show you five images now,

which are visual clues to Madonna UK Top 40 singles.

Can you name the most obscure single, please?

Brilliant. Let's reveal our five visual clues.

And here they are.

We've got...

Mmm!

OK. There we are.

Now, Dominic and Matt, you've been our low scorers,

so you will answer first.

I think we'll go with A.

-Mmm-hmm.

-And I'm going with Dear Jessie for that.

Dear Jessie. Dear Jessie, say Dominic and Matt.

Now then, Helen and Victoria,

do you want to talk us through the rest of that board?

I've got to say, out of all the artists I could pick,

I'm not just saying this, I'm not, I'm not a great fan.

Sorry, Madonna. So I only know, actually, two and that's by kind of

working it out. So I think the least, sorry, the lowest score would be...

American Pie? Would D be that?

OK, you're going to go for American Pie.

So we've got Dear Jessie, we've got American Pie.

Dominic and Matt said Dear Jessie for A.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

22.

APPLAUSE

22. Now then, Helen and Vicky have gone for American Pie for D.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said American Pie.

-It is right. Oi!

-Oh.

86.

APPLAUSE

Very well done. Dominic and Matt, after one question, you're up 1-0.

Well played, gents. Let's fill in the rest of these.

C, took me a while to work this one out.

-Material Girl.

-Material Girl.

-Of course it is.

-I was thinking, stair carpet child...?

I was thinking, is it tartan? What is it? Stripe?

52 points for that.

-E...

-Hollywood.

Hollywood, yup.

Well done. That would have scored you 48.

And the best answer was a number-four hit, and it is...

Bedtime Story.

-Oh...

-It would have scored you 5 points.

Very well done, if you said that at home.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, here comes your second question.

Helen and Vicky, you get to answer it first

but you have to win it to stay in the game,

-so very best of luck.

-OK, thank you.

-It concerns...

LAUGHTER

-TV Crime Shows. Richard.

-OK.

Yeah, we're going to show you five clues now,

to facts about TV crime shows.

You just need to give us the most obscure answer, please.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, look,

I could read out the clues for you but where's the fun in that,

when we've got Kevin Whately to do it?

Kevin...

Hi, Xander and Richard.

I'm sorry I can't be there tonight, but I'm up to me eyes in murder.

But I do have five questions for you about crime shows on TV.

Which actor won a Golden Globe in 2012

for playing DCI John Luther in Luther?

Oh...

On which Channel Island was Bergerac set?

What is the name of the Danish drama series that starred Sophie Grabol

as the detective Sarah Lund?

Which actor plays my character's sidekick in the TV series Lewis?

And the TV series Life On Mars and Ashes To Ashes are named after

singles by which British singer?

Good luck.

Mmm.

OK, I'll read those out for you again.

Here they are...

There we are.

Helen and Vicky, you go first.

-A-hem.

-Erm, right.

Well, the actor who played Detective Inspector's Lewis's sidekick

was Laurence Fox.

Laurence Fox, say Helen and Vicky. Laurence Fox.

Now, Dominic and Matt, talk us through the rest of that board.

So, the British actor who won a Golden Globe in 2012

for Luther was Idris Elba.

The Danish drama series, we think, is The Killing.

The Channel Island could be Jersey or Guernsey, and I can

never remember which one it is.

And David Bowie recorded the...

-Ashes To Ashes.

-Ashes To Ashes and Life On Mars.

We're going to go for Danish drama, yeah?

-Yeah.

-The Killing. The Killing.

So, we have Laurence Fox and we have The Killing.

Helen and Vicky said Laurence Fox

played Kevin's sidekick.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Laurence Fox.

Oh...

APPLAUSE 15. That's a good score.

15 for Laurence Fox.

Dominic and Matt, meanwhile, have said The Killing.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Killing.

Oh! 17! APPLAUSE

I said it was going to be close.

Look at that. Very well done indeed.

Helen and Vicky, absolutely back in the game, there.

It's 1-1 after two questions.

How about that? Well played, both teams, there.

The best two answers on the board.

Nothing you could have done about Laurence Fox -

the best answer up there.

Idris Elba was correct.

That would have scored you 24 points.

The Channel Island is Jersey,

and that would have scored you 71.

And you were right about David Bowie, as well,

and that would have scored you 60.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

OK, it all comes down to this third question.

Whoever wins this goes through to the final,

and plays for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Yeah, we're going to show you five items, now, that are used in DIY,

but we've left out alternate letters from their names.

Can you fill in those gaps? If you give us the most obscure answer,

you'll go through to play for the jackpot, so very best of luck.

OK, let's reveal our five DIY tools, and here they are...

I'll read those all one last time.

Dominic and Matt will go first.

THEY WHISPER

You've got sanding... Sanding block.

-Soldering iron.

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-Yeah.

Yeah, cos no-one'll get that.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Yeah, OK.

-Yeah.

We'd like to go the fourth one down...

and that should be soldering iron.

-Soldering iron.

-S-O-L-D-E...

-Yeah, soldering iron.

-Soldering iron.

-That's how it's spelt.

Now, Helen and Vicky, talk us through the rest of that board,

-if you can.

-We didn't actually know that many.

We're going to be honest with you.

The third one down, we think, is jigsaw.

Yes, and I think the last one is spirit level.

-So we're toying up, and we think to go for...

-Spirit level.

Spirit level.

OK, so we have soldering iron

and we have spirit level.

Dominic and Matt said soldering iron.

Let's see how many of our 100 said that.

It's right.

Oh, look at that. 9.

Thank you.

9 for soldering iron.

Helen and Vicky, meanwhile, have gone for spirit level.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said spirit level.

It's right.

45. 45 for spirit level.

Which means, Dominic and Matt, very well done indeed,

after three questions, you are through to the final, 2-1.

-Well done, darling.

-Thank you.

And soldering iron was the best answer on that board,

so very, very well played.

Terrific head-to-head.

Let's fill in the rest of them.

Jigsaw, you were absolutely right about.

It's a big scorer, though.

Jigsaw would have scored you 64.

-The top one is blowtorch.

-Blowtorch.

Blowtorch, yup.

That would have scored you 35.

-And the second one...

-This I couldn't get for ages.

-Sanding block.

-Sanding block.

-Oh, right.

-And that would have scored 24.

There we are. Thanks very much indeed.

So the pair leaving us, at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm sorry to say, Helen and Vicky.

But that was close.

-My goodness, what a fantastic penultimate round.

-Absolutely.

It's been such a treat having you on. Thank you for coming along.

-Thank you.

-Please come and play again.

-Helen and Vicky!

-Love to.

-Thank you.

Congrats, you two.

But, for Dominic and Matt, it's now time for our Pointless final.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Dominic and Matt.

You fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities

and, at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

CHEERING

Well, I think there's something poetic about this.

You've fought off all the pretend law and order people,

and here you are - our knights in shining armour,

daily doing battle against wrongdoers.

Let's hope there's something up on that board that you

like the look of. We've got four for you to choose from, and they are...

Boxers is a no-no. Absolute no-no, for me.

The Lake District, I think I know about, but I don't.

I know a little bit about the boxers,

but not enough to feel confident. Lake District, definitely no.

As long as the Lake District questions are all on Beatrix Potter,

-I'll be fine.

-OK, right.

-LAUGHTER

21st-century comeback albums -

no-one ever remembers comeback albums.

You're really good on music. You play in a band.

No-one remembers the name of a comeback album.

They remember the original but they don't remember the comeback album.

-I think '98 is the best one.

-Shall we go for that one?

-Yeah.

-'98.

-The year 1998.

-Richard...

-OK, best of luck, gents.

Questions in three very different areas, here.

Hopefully one of them, at least, will suit you.

We are looking for...

any credited cast member in the film Armageddon.

So anyone, according to IMDB, who appeared in the film Armageddon.

We are looking for any artist who had a UK number-one album in 1998.

Or any of the players in the Fifa World Cup final between Brazil

and France in 1998 - any of the 44 players on those two squads.

So anyone credited in the cast of Armageddon,

artists with UK number-one albums,

or players in the Fifa World Cup final squads of Brazil or France.

OK. Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers, and all you need to win that jackpot

for your charities is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

OK, so, in Armageddon, there's a crazy Russian guy,

and I think his name is Peter Stormguard.

-That's good.

-No-one will get that because he's a tiny character,

who's in it for five seconds, but he's also in Fargo.

-I think that's a good one.

-OK.

That's cracking. Go for that one, yeah.

So, players in the Fifa World Cup final,

-so the two teams that were contesting...

-In '98.

..were France and Brazil.

-So France...

-I don't know anything about France.

Manu Petit played for France,

definitely played for France, in that final. Emmanuel Petit.

And, then, who else would have been in the cup final?

Everyone knows Ronaldo.

Everyone knows Ronaldinho.

People don't... Who would people not remember from that final?

We've got 16 seconds and one more answer, and you're cooking with gas.

OK... I'm going to say...

-Let's go for another one.

-Ten seconds left.

-Cafu.

I'm going to say Cafu...

played in the World Cup final.

Armageddon, Peter Stormguard,

and Emmanuel Petit.

OK. That's your time up. Let's have those three answers again.

If that's not there, I'm sorry.

Let's have those three answers one last time.

-OK, Peter Stormguard...

-OK, Peter Stormguard.

..was in Armageddon.

-I really hope he was.

-Brilliant.

-OK.

-I'm going to say Emmanuel Petit played for France...

Emmanuel Petit.

..and Cafu played for Brazil.

Cafu, for Brazil.

OK. Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer,

-do you think?

-Peter Stormguard.

-Peter Stormguard.

Perfect. There it goes. Least likely to be pointless?

-Is Cafu.

-Cafu.

Well, let's put those up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We've got...

Well, three very good answers there.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless,

and will win that jackpot for your charity.

What charities are you playing for? Dom, what's yours?

I'm going to split mine between lupus,

which is a condition that sadly took my mum from me,

and breast cancer,

because I know people close to me who have suffered from that.

-Matt?

-There's a fantastic homeless charity in my hometown, Reading,

called Launchpad, so half for that,

and half for the Stillborn and Neonatal Death Society.

Very good.

Four fantastic causes that stand to benefit.

Let's hope at least one of these answers is pointless

and will win that jackpot for you.

OK, your first answer was Cafu.

In this case, we were looking for players in the 1998 World Cup final.

Cafu, you thought was probably least likely to be pointless,

so let's find out.

For £2,500, how many people said Cafu?

Is it wrong?

-It's right.

-Oh, thank God.

Now, all this has to do is go down to 0,

and we can give you that jackpot of £2,500.

Cafu taking us down into the teens...

Into single figures, down it goes, still going...

Oh! 5! APPLAUSE

-That was close.

-There was room for a Rizla.

-Emmanuel Petit will be fine.

-It's a great answer, though.

That's a great answer.

Sadly not pointless, though.

Two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Emmanuel Petit.

Again, we were looking for players in the World Cup final from 1998.

It has to be pointless.

For £2,500, how many people said Emmanuel Petit?

It's right.

Well, Cafu took us all the way down to 5.

Emanuel Petit now takes us down through the 20s into the teens...

Into single figures?

Yes, into single figures.

It passes 5... 4! GROANING AND APPLAUSE

We're heading in the right direction.

I tell you, you are going absolutely in the right direction.

Now you think of Sylvain Wiltord. No-one's going to get Sylvain...

-But this is our ace.

-But, now, this is the ace up your sleeve.

Peter... Where did you know Peter Stormguard from?

Because I love the films of the Coen brothers, and he's in Fargo,

and then he has this cameo, and it's fantastic, in Armageddon.

But I'm... I'm... I'm not sure I've got it right.

Well, this is the sort of pointless knowledge that wins games.

Let's find out. Peter Stormguard.

We were looking for cast members of Armageddon.

It has to be pointless.

For £2,500, how many people said Peter Stormguard?

-Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

It wasn't, was it? It's the wrong name.

-Well...

-It's the wrong name.

We will hear, in due course,

what the right answer should have been for that, but I'm so sorry.

-That's so annoying.

-That's the kind of answer that

should have won you the jackpot, but good knowledge.

I'm sure... I'm sure you weren't far off.

But I'm afraid you didn't find that pointless answer you needed to win

that jackpot, so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as it's a celebrity special,

and all our celebrities are paying for a nominated charity,

we're going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair,

so there we are.

And you get a Pointless trophy to take away, so very well done.

It's been fabulous having you on the show. Very strong performance.

Yeah, really unlucky. It's not Stormguard.

It's Peter Stormare. Peter StormARE.

-Oh!

-It would have scored you 1 point.

-It wasn't pointless.

-Imagine that. It wasn't pointless.

-1 point.

-Oh, OK, that's fine. That was the best I had.

He is in Fargo as well.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

We'll start with Armageddon.

Charlton Heston, who narrates the film, was a pointless answer.

Jessica Steen. Michael Clarke Duncan is a pointless answer.

Owen Wilson, a pointless answer.

Everyone there, pointless, apart from Bruce Willis,

Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi,

-Peter Stormare, and Billy Bob Thornton.

-Peter Stormare.

Everyone else was pointless.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers for the albums.

5ive was a pointless answer.

-There, with a five at the beginning of it.

-There we go.

-Jane McDonald!

-Garbage, Jane McDonald...

The Beautiful South. You also could have had the Beastie Boys,

Catatonia, Embrace and the Corrs.

All of those were pointless answers, there.

Let's take a look at the final one.

The footballers, loads and loads of names in the footballers.

Bebeto. Denilson.

Didier Dechamps was a pointless answer, unbelievably.

Youri Djorkaeff. You could have had Aldair, Bernard Lama,

Christian Karambeu, Christophe Dugarry,

Edmundo Giovanni,

Junior Baiano, Lionel Charbonnier,

Vincent Candela, Ze Carlos and Ze Roberto.

All of those were pointless answers.

Very well done if you got those at home.

You know what? A really valiantly played jackpot round.

Really, really unlucky. Well played, gents.

Thanks very much. Unfortunately,

we have to say goodbye to you, Dominic and Matt,

but it's been brilliant having you on the show. Thank you for playing.

-Thank you.

-Dominic and Matt!

Join us next time, when we'll be putting more

obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE