Episode 17 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where the obvious answers mean nothing

and the obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one. Hi, I'm Phil, this is Mark.

We're brothers and we're from Manchester.

Couple number two? Hi, I'm John and this is my wife Carol.

We're from Stourbridge.

Couple number three?

Hi, I'm Suzanne, this is Gary. We're married and we are from Manchester.

And couple number four?

My name's Joshua Blake, this is my friend Jamie Laden -

my legal advisor, carer and all-round good guy

and we go to the University of Nottingham.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks, we'll get to know more about you throughout the show

That just leaves one more person for me to for me to introduce,

a man with a firm grasp of figures,

but that's enough about the TV Quick Awards,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

Have you noticed that it happens sometimes... Mm.

..that we've got a character on the show?

Yes, I spotted that. Did you notice that?

I spotted that three-fold, all at once.

Did you? What was the clue?

It was when Suzanne said that...

No, it was Blake...

..who's actually called Joshua Blake.

So, all ready... He's got a surname for a name.

Yeah, literally his surname is the name he's gone for on his badge

and he's wearing a hat.

I thought it was enough that he was wearing red, to be honest,

but there we are. It was good though, I liked his intro.

It was very good, very strong. A lot to live up the rest of the show.

Yeah. Wouldn't want to be Blake/Joshua right about now.

That's a big start. I'm sensing a bit of jealousy here.

Blake and Laden is the new Armstrong and Miller

and there's no denying it. The career starts here.

OK. Oh-K!

I tell you what,

they've got the easy charm of an Armstrong and Miller, haven't they?

Yeah. I will give them that.

But we've also got the looks instead as well.

AUDIENCE: Oh-ho-ho!

It's going terrifically well, isn't it?

I don't...

Er, yes, it is going well.

We've got two returning pairs from last time.

They both entertained us

without being as brilliant as they might have been.

So, hopefully we'll see more from Mark and Phil, and Carol and John

on the first two podiums there.

The first question, I noticed we've quite a Mancunian bent

to our contestants there - two pairs from Manchester.

The first question's going to be very interesting.

Add in Blake/Joshua, you've got...

the most interesting round in Pointless history.

I can't wait to see what he's got for us.

There's going to be fireworks. It's going to be brilliant.

Thanks, Richard. Now, all our questions

have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants here need to find the obscure answers

those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer,

an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, Catherine and Joanna didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another ?1,000 to that.

So today's jackpot starts off at...

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, in this first round I'll take an answer from each of you,

but there is to be no conferring.

At the end of the round, whichever pair has the highest score,

obviously, will be leaving us.

Our first category today is...

European football.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what that first question is, here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to...

Richard? It is random, I promise you that, it is random.

We're looking for the name of any team that Man Utd

have played in the Champions League,

from when it started in the '92/93 season,

all the way through to the 2012/2013.

So, at any stage of the Champions League, any team that's faced Man U.

Very, very best of luck. Thanks very much indeed.

Now then, Mark and Phil, you all drew lots before the show

and today you are going to go first.

Now, Phil... Yes. What happened last time?

We got a nice, easy question about cathedrals.

20 minutes to think of an answer

and then I got one and changed my mind. Yeah.

Now, Phil, remind us what you do.

I work in printing, I get peoples' designs ready for the press.

And what are your hobbies, Phil?

Hobbies, I play cricket and golf and I like a bit of poker.

Excellent, now what are you going to go for?

I'm going to go for...

Borussia Dortmund.

Borussia Dortmund, says Phil. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It is right.

That's a great answer. Look at that, 2 - Phil.

2 for Borussia Dortmund.

That's a very good start, they played them in 1997.

Knocked Man Utd out in the semifinals.

2-0.

Paul Lambert went on to become the first British player

to win the European Cup with a non-British team.

There we are, excellent. Thank you.

Now, Carol, welcome back.

Now, your story last time was what?

We made it to round two

and then we got asked questions on the Eurovision Song Contest.

Yeah, Pickettywitch you came up with. I did, yes.

Were you thinking of that other band that came up?

I thought of the girl's face and I knew she was with Pickettywitch,

but I couldn't have told you the name of the group that she was in.

And remind us what you do, Carol.

I'm a retired French teacher.

But you fill your retirement with all kinds of activities. I do, yes.

Yes, I walk, I'm learning the piano.

I do crosswords, I write.

I do loads of stuff.

How's that piano coming on?

Well, I've got a very patient teacher.

So I'm better than I was when I started a year ago.

You kind of would hope that...

No, so you're moving in the right direction.

Anyway, Carol... Yeah.

Manchester United, it couldn't have fallen better for you

if it had tried.

Actually, it could have fallen a lot better.

I've had my fingers crossed all morning

and all afternoon that football didn't come up and here it is.

So, I'm going to do my best.

I have no idea, but I'm going to go with the name of a club

that I know - Bayern Munich.

Bayern Munich says Carol.

Well, that got a little nod from Mark.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Bayern Munich.

Well done, Carol, it's absolutely right.

Borussia Dortmund took us down to 2, Bayern Munich - 17.

Not bad at all.

They played them nine times, very famously in the 1999 final,

where Man Utd scored two injury-time goals to win the title.

I had just switched over. Had you?

There was something else starting at nine o'clock,

can't remember what it was.

I thought, "I really want to see Man Utd

"get beaten in the Champions League Final".

Two late goals. There you go. Now, Suzanne.

Welcome to the show, great to have you here, what do you do, Suzanne?

I work for the Environment Agency, I'm a communications manager.

In your spare time, what do you like doing?

Well, I like music a lot, listening to it, going to watch gigs.

Big fan of Formula 1, racing as well.

So, we're going to see the Barcelona Grand Prix.

Do you go to lots of those Formula 1s?

Well, I'm quite new to Formula 1 really.

Gary got me into it a few years ago and last year,

when we had our honeymoon in Italy,

we also went to Monza as part of our honeymoon, which was amazing.

Very good. Now, what are you going to go for?

I should have a have a really good answer, living with a Man Utd fan.

But I'm going to play fairly safe and go for Sporting Lisbon.

Sporting Lisbon. Who do you support?

Newcastle.

Does that work well as a couple then?

Well, he doesn't see us as a threat, so...

it's not a problem.

Sporting Lisbon says Suzanne. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Very well done, indeed, Suzanne - the best score of the round so far.

1 for Sporting Lisbon.

Yeah, they faced each other in the group stages in 2007/2008.

And Ronaldo, who used to play for Sporting Lisbon,

scored in both games.

Thank you very much. Now, Jamie... Jamie, welcome to the show.

Good to have you here, what do you do?

I'm a law student at Nottingham University.

Which year are you in? I'm in my final year.

Oh, how's it going? It's pretty tough.

Yeah, getting a bit tougher now as the exams approach.

The pressure is high at the moment.

But we've taken a couple of days out to come along.

Always good in the build-up to exams to take two days out to come

and be on a daytime quiz show.

The parents don't mind, so.

That's fine. Now, Jamie, what are your plans for after university?

Have you sorted out what you're doing?

I've been applying for jobs in law firms

but I've never taken a gap year or a break from education,

so I'm hoping to take a gap year before applying for jobs.

Exactly, good idea.

Now then, Jamie, what are you going to go for?

You're a Man City fan. I am,

so I don't really take much pleasure in Manchester United's

successes in the Champions League

but I'm going to go for another Portuguese team and say FC Porto.

FC Porto, says Jamie.

FC Porto, let's see if that's right,

and let's see how many people said it.

Yep, it's right.

Well, 17's our high score.

1 is our low.

5, well done, Jamie.

Nice job.

And as Jamie will know, in 2003/2004,

Porto knocked Man United out of the Champions League,

which I assume is why he said it. A little-known manager

ran up and down the touchline in front of Sir Alex, manically,

and it was Jose Mourinho.

That was a great day.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round,

let's take a look at those scores. Suzanne! Well done,

the best score of that pass.

Fantastic, sets you and Gary up very nicely at this stage.

Up to 2, where we find Phil and Mark and up to 5,

where we find Jamie and Blake,

and then up to 17, where Carol and John are.

Now, John, you're not way out in front,

but everyone seems to know their stuff.

Yeah, we're going to need a really low score from you.

We're going to come back down the line now,

can the second players take their places at the podium?

So we are looking for football clubs that have played

Manchester United in the Champions League.

Now, Blake... Now then, what are you doing?

I do law also. Also in your last year?

I am, yeah.

Are you going to take a year out as well?

Yeah, more by default than choice,

but I will be taking a year out I think.

Now, in your spare time, Blake, what are your hobbies?

What do you like to get up to?

Whatever really suits my mood at the time.

I've been in a couple of plays, like A Clockwork Orange.

I've done a bit of debating for the university,

played rugby, basketball, captain of the Law Society team.

I do mooting as well. You do what? Mooting. What's mooting?

It is mock legal cases, pretty much, on points of law.

And that's something you do in the university,

or is that something you do online? Externally as well,

so I did a competition against Cambridge recently.

How did it go?

I got 88%, which is...

By any stretch that's good.

Did you win?

We didn't win unfortunately, we came about fourth out of 25 teams.

But you personally scored high, this is good.

Blake, what are you going to go for?

Our high scorers are on 17, you're on 5.

A score of 11 or less keeps you in the game for sure.

So we want any club that has met Manchester United

in the Champions League.

I'm a bit upset it's football really.

What would you have preferred?

I came on here to challenge the student stereotypes.

I'm well versed in my literature,

I came on with a bit of prose knowledge.

I've read up on my Shakespeare, etc.

I'm just going to stop talking now and say Celtic.

Celtic? Yeah. Celtic says Blake.

Here comes your red line.

Quite low.

But let's see if Celtic can get you down there.

Celtic, is it right, how many people said it?

It's right.

Nicely done, you haven't quite made it this time,

but I think that's enough to keep you in the game.

That scores you 14, takes your total up to 19.

I think that is enough.

Eh, Gary?

Gary, could this have gone any better for you?

Oh, it's perfect. I mean, and Suzanne was just warming up.

She was just keeping the stage warm.

I was stunned by that, yeah. And she scored 1, Gary.

You have to do better than that.

Well, unless I get a pointless, there's no point in going home.

Gary, by the way, what do you do?

Graphic designer. What kind of graphic design?

All printed material. Right, you are, and in your spare time,

obviously football plays a large role.

Used to play Sunday football, that was about as good as it got.

Yeah. And now it's just twice a week... I still play outdoors...

nine-a-side. It's a bit of an odd number but, yes...

No, it's an entirely odd number.

Nine, I can assure you, is an odd number. Good stuff.

Now, what are you going to go for?

Both of the Portuguese sides...

Were what I had in me head and they've both gone.

So...Galatasaray.

Galatasaray, says Gary.

The high scorers are Blake and Jamie on 19.

You want to score 17 or less with Galatasaray.

There is your red line. Get below that, you're into the next round.

Galatasaray, is it right?

Absolutely right.

And you're through, very well done. 4.

Great work on podium three there, takes your total up to 5.

Well done, Gary.

Good work, Gary, nowhere near as good as Suzanne though.

It should be noted. Yeah, they played them a few times,

most recently in the last season of the Champions League.

Both beat each other 1-0 at home.

Thanks, Richard.

Now, John, remind us what happened last time you...

You were Eurovision? We got the UK Eurovision curse.

But no, you said the Allisons which was a brilliant answer.

These things happen. Well there, we are.

You have to try and get through to the next round, if you possibly can.

I don't know how that's going to happen.

Unless you can come up with a pointless or a 1-scoring answer.

Any ideas?

Most of the ones I know for definite there's no way.

I'm just going to have to risk Ajax.

Ajax says John.

OK, well, let's see, here comes your red line.

Yeah, there you are, it's not... It's great.

Just take my word for it, it's there.

Yeah. OK, let's see if Ajax can get you down there.

Is it right?

Oh, John, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer

and takes your total up to 117.

Perfectly good guess though, John,

it's just one of those strange anomalies that Ajax and Man U

have never faced each other in the Champions League.

Thanks, Richard, now Mark.

Welcome back to the show, great to have you here.

Remind us, what do you do? I'm an air steward.

An air steward on long-haul flights. Yeah.

And it's a small airline?

Oh, it's not a small airline, is it the world's favourite airline?

It is. I was going to say, yeah.

Well, that's fun.

Oh, it's brilliant. There's a fun job.

And you're a Manchester United fan, are you?

I am, yeah. I've been to a lot of these grounds as well.

I've been away with United a lot.

John was really unlucky

cos we played Ajax in the Europa League last year.

That's right, yeah. Listen, you're through to the next round.

All we need from you is an answer, but maybe...

I bet there is a pointless answer in there somewhere.

I hope so. And if there is, you should really, probably know it.

I've got about 20 in me head.

OK. That I hope all are really low. OK.

And I think I'll go for...

FC Copenhagen.

FC Copenhagen... Oh, Phil, that's a real connoisseur's nod.

Phil was going...

FC Copenhagen, says Mark.

No red line for you as you're through.

Let's see if FC Copenhagen's right,

let's see how many people said it. Is it pointless?

Well, it's right, that was the first thing it needed to be.

Still going down.

Oh, look at that! It is pointless, that's a fabulous answer, Mark.

That adds ?250 to today's jackpot.

It takes the total up to ?2,500.

It scores you nothing

and it leaves your total at an extremely impressive 2.

Very well done indeed.

Well played, Mark, what a lovely category to come up.

Played each other in the 2006/2007, Man U beat them at home

and then Copenhagen won away.

Before I go through the answers, do you want to test me with a few more?

CFR Cluj?

CFR Cluj was...

1 point.

Eh, Brondby. Brondby is a pointless answer.

Besiktas.

Besiktas is a pointless answer as well.

Nantes. Nantes is a pointless answer.

Fenerbahce. Don't want to peak too early.

Fenerbahce also a pointless answer.

I might have to stop you there.

Before you take your entire tour of Europe.

Let's take a look at a few more pointless answers.

There's loads on the list actually.

You could also have had Boavista, another Portuguese team.

You could have had Bursaspor, another Turkish side.

You could have had Goteborg from Sweden.

You could have had CSKA, Rapid Vienna.

Roma would have been a pointless answer.

Sturm Graz would have been a pointless answer.

Villarreal also a pointless answer. Lots of pointless answers up there.

Let's take a look at the biggest answers,

the ones that most people gave.

Thanks very much indeed.

At the end of our first round, I'm afraid the pair

who'll be heading home with their high score of 117...

I'm sorry, John and Carol, it's you.

Dear, oh, dear. That was bad luck with Ajax.

C'est la vie. C'est la vie, I'm afraid.

Well, I'm really sorry.

We always have to have a high scorer and this time it was you.

We have to say goodbye, it's been great having you on both shows.

Thanks so much for playing. Lovely contestants.

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

So, three pairs remain and at the end of this round,

we'll be saying goodbye to ANOTHER pair.

Blake and Jamie, of the three remaining pairs,

you were the highest scores there.

But then, we hadn't given you the kind of, you know...

The kind of high-brow questions you had a right to expect.

So, best of luck with these next rounds.

Lowest-scoring pair - Mark and Phil.

Absolutely exemplary play there, wonderful. And Suzanne and Gary...

Well, listen, Gary...

Maybe Newcastle United may not be keeping Manchester United

awake at nights but I'd say that Suzanne's scoring there

has probably given you something to think about.

I was very happy with that. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for round two is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

UK Prime Ministers' Spouses, Richard.

We're going to name six women on each pass,

we need you to tell us the Prime Minister they went on to marry.

We just need the surname of the Prime Minister that these women

went on to marry. Very best of luck.

OK, so we just need the surname of the Prime Minister

these women went on to marry. Here is our first board of six.

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are, six women who went on to marry UK Prime Ministers.

Now, Mark...

How do you like that board? Sublime to the ridiculous.

For me.

Anything on there you want to have a crack at?

I will do, I don't know any of them.

Which is not good BUT...

I think, because Gordon Brown's wife was called Samantha...

I'll go for Samantha Sheffield is Gordon Brown.

Gordon Brown's wife was called Samantha,

so you're going to say Samantha Sheffield was Brown.

OK, well, let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people knew that answer.

Bad luck.

No, I'm sorry, Mark, that's an incorrect answer

which scores you the maximum of 100 points, I'm sorry.

Sorry, Mark. It's lucky you got about 17 pointless answers

before that, isn't it?

Takes the edge off a bit.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Suzanne.

We want to know which UK Prime Ministers these women

went on to marry. Suzanne, how do we feel about this?

It's quite a tough board, really. It is. I know one

but I think it's fairly obvious. I'm going to take a bit of

a risk and guess cos I think Gordon Brown's wife was called Sarah,

so I'll go Sarah Macaulay for Gordon Brown.

Sarah Macaulay - Gordon Brown.

OK, let's see if that's right

and how many people said Brown for Macaulay.

Absolutely right.

35.

35. Yes, absolutely. It was Sarah Brown not Samantha Brown,

very well done.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Blake. You're the last person to have this

board, do you fancy filling it in for us?

It's gone very highbrow. It's a sweaty highbrow.

And... I. Yeah, I don't know if you can go for

the one that seems

obvious but doesn't...

that much sense. I'm just going to say Dorothy Cavendish,

I'm going to go with...

Attlee. Attlee, you're going to say for Dorothy Cavendish.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said Attlee.

Oh, bad lack. I'm afraid an incorrect answer

scores you the maximum of 100 points. But you're in good company there.

Blake, I'm trying to work out exactly where to pitch the questions for you.

LAUGHTER

The first round you were furious cos it was way too lowbrow.

This, which seems a perfectly accept... if you're a debating

student seems like a perfectly acceptable round -

this is too highbrow... so somewhere in between. Yep.

I'll see what I can do.

Let's fill in the rest of this board.

Now... Samantha Sheffield...

Is Cameron. Is David Cameron. Sam Cam.

She would have scored you 30 points.

Now, Clarissa Spencer-Churchill is a harder one.

And Margaret Owen, even tougher...

There were three tough ones on that board but three were gettable,

I think.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, we're halfway through the round - let's take a look at the scores,

only two between our three pairs at this stage.

Once again the low scorers - very impressive.

So, it's Jamie and Phil deciding but one of you will be leaving at the

end of this round. Best of luck with that. Going to come back down the line,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more women on the board

and here they come...

I'll read those one last time...

Now, remember we are looking for the UK Prime Ministers

that these women went on to marry.

And, Jamie, you're joint high-scorers,

you need to find a low-scoring answer if you can.

Well, politics is not a strong point for me, at all.

I actually only know one on the board

and I'm probably going to go for it just to make sure I get it right.

I hope it's right.

And I'm going to go Cherie Booth - Tony Blair.

Cherie Booth - Blair, says Jamie. No red line for you as you're

joint high-scorers. But let's see if that's right

and if it is let's see how many people said it - Blair, for Cherie Booth.

Of course, is right.

81.

That's a high score, but tactically you might have done something

clever - 181 your total.

Yeah, it's a big score. She came top of the year in the Bar exams -

Cherie Booth. I will not be doing that.

You probably won't marry Tony Blair, either so...

LAUGHTER

But, you know what? You never know in this world.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Gary.

We're looking for the UK Prime Ministers who married these women.

You're in the head-to-head - not now, obviously, but you will be.

That's the good news. Yeah. The bad news is

this is a pig of a board. It's fair to say? Yeah.

The only prime ministers I could think of have gone

so, I'm racking my brains and trying to buy some time -

I'm going to really push the boat out here... er, I'm going to say...

Andrew Bonar Law, for Violet Millar.

Violet Millar - Andrew Bonar Law.

Why not? Yeah, why not?

Let's find out, Andrew Bonar Law, is that right for Violet Millar?

No red line as you're already through.

No...

But it was fun boat to push out, though.

I like that. I like the name. It's a cracking name.

Sadly, though, it's an incorrect answer, scores you a maximum of

100 points...

I think it would have been a pointless answer if it had been right.

It was the thing to do seeing as you're already through. But that's 2-0 to Suzanne now...

LAUGHTER ..so long as you know that. I knew that was coming.

Thanks very much. Now then, Phil...

Yes? Oh, it gets exciting now.

It gets very exciting now, the high-scorers on 181 are Jamie

and Blake.

You are on 100. If you can score 80 or less...

you're in the head-to-head. Yeah.

Talk us through the board. I don't know Audrey. I think I know Norma

and Mary, and I don't know Elizabeth and Violet.

And I think I'm going to go with...

Mike Yarwood was always doing one of his impressions,

he was always talking about Mary, so I'm going to go with that.

And... Harold Wilson. Mary Wilson says Phil.

OK, here comes your red line, nice and high.

If Mary Wilson is right you are through to the next round.

Let's find out - Mary Wilson, how many of our 100 people said it?

Absolutely right, well done, and through you go.

That's a great answer - 8. Look at that - 108 your total.

It's amazing how you remember these things?

Mike Yarwood, yeah, it's funny. That's European football and

prime ministers' spouses, a good start to the show from Phil.

Now, Norma - what would you have gone for? Major.

John Major, yeah. Norma Major, of course.

She was born Norma Wagstaff, she was Norma Johnson

by the time she met Major.

Now, Blake, as you're leaving us now... I'll give you the chance

on this one. Violet Millar married...?

Clement Attlee. Boom, got it.

Well done, pointless answer, well done if you said that at home.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard, and well done, Blake,

nice little parting shot. Had the boards been the other way round

it may well have been very different but, I'm afraid,

as it stands you are our high-scorers

so we have to say goodbye but we look forward to seeing you

again next time. Jamie and Blake - hilarious contestants...

LAUGHTER ..thanks so much for playing.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Mark and Phil, Suzanne and Gary.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at...

Now, to decide which pair's going to playing for that money

you are now going to go head-to-head. The big

difference is you are now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Something very strange has been going on. For the last few shows

we've had this cycle where people who've gone out

first round for their first show come back as the lowest-scoring

pair in the head-to-head in the second show.

It's happened all the time.

It's a phenomenon. Mark, Phil, you're part of a phenomenon.

LAUGHTER

I don't know, it varies.

There's another phenomenon - an all-Manc head-to-head.

Mmmm...? Suzanne, sorry, yeah. But still, you're from Manchester.

Yes. You're not from Manchester but you live in Manchester so we're

going to call it an all-Manc head-to-head anyway.

This is the most exciting thing to happen to Manchester since the

Stone Roses and the Happy Mondays were both on Top Of The Pops together.

LAUGHTER This is the same, exactly the same thing.

Very well. It is going to be an absolute needle head-to-head.

Very best of luck to both pairs, let's play it...

OK, now here comes your first question and it concerns...

Richard. My note would be - "Don't panic at all"...

LAUGHTER We're going to show you five stills from films, they're all

adapted from Pulitzer Prize winning novels

but we just need you to tell us the name of the film, please.

Thanks very much, Richard, let's reveal our five stills from

adaptations of Pulitzer Prize winning novels and here they are...

There we are... five stills from films.

Mark and Phil, you played best throughout the show so far so you get to go first.

We're going to go for D, The Color Purple.

D, The Color Purple, say Mark and Phil.

Suzanne and Gary, the rest of the board is yours, talk us through it.

We're struggling, to be honest, yeah,

D was where we were going to go as well.

There's only other that we know, E, Gone With The Wind.

I'm sure I know what B is, erm...

We're going to take a bit of a punt on B, er,

Remains Of The Day. Remains Of The Day say Suzanne and Gary for B.

We have The Color Purple from Mark and Phil, let's see if that's right

for D and if it is let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

30 for The Color Purple.

Now, Suzanne and Gary are taking a bit of a punt and are going to say

The Remains Of The Day for B.

Let's see if that's right and it is how many people said it.

Bad luck. I'm afraid not The Remains Of The Day

which means Mark and Phil after one question, you are up 1-0.

It's a good punt but B is The Age Of Innocence

adapted from the Edith Wharton novel.

It would have been a good score - 6 points.

Adapted from Cormac McCarthy's novel.

That would have scored you 13.

C is pointless.

It's the Magnificent Ambersons written by Booth Tarkington,

the film was by Orson Welles.

Gone With The Wind would have been too many points so

the risk was worth taking.

Thanks very much, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Suzanne and Gary you get to answer this first but you have to

win it to stay in the game, it concerns...

Richard... Again, I would say don't panic.

We're just going to show you five anagrams now

of fruit and vegetables - can you name them, please?

LAUGHTER

They are all in the top 20 UK food commodities but they are,

more simply, fruit and veg.

OK, let's reveal our five fruit and veg and here they are...

Five anagrams of fruit and veg, Suzanne and Gary, you will go first.

Well, we're really struggling but we think the third one is potatoes.

The third one is potatoes.

Potatoes. Now, Mark and Phil, the rest of the board is yours.

Apples at the bottom, onions second, something water... top one.

I can't think...

Onions or apples? Onions. Go on then! Onions. We'll go for it.

You're going to go for onions? And that's your shallot!

LAUGHTER

So, we have potatoes versus onions.

Suzanne and Gary said potatoes, let's see if that's right

and how many people said potatoes.

It's right. Oh, look at that! 87!

Cor. Well, Mark and Phil, that's what you have to beat with onions,

let's see if you can do it. Onions, is it right?

How many people said it?

It's right and it's done it for you.

Very well done.

58.

Mark and Phil, very well done. After only two questions

you are through to the final 2-0. Good work.

You chose between onions and apples which is the bottom one.

You chose the right one because apples would have scored you 88 points.

AUDIENCE: Ohh!

Of these other two...?

It took me the whole time to work out onions. Yeah?

Yeah, terrible.

See, these guys know their onions.

Tin Spur is...

Yes, yes.

You were looking at water something for the top one? Yeah.

That's confusing. It's strawberries.

LAUGHTER AND GROANING

Best answer up there. Very good indeed, thanks, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the head-to-head round I'm afraid to

say it's Suzanne and Gary. Well, potatoes wasn't bad!

It was big, that was a big score. Yeah. But you've done so well

throughout the show. It bodes very well for your next appearance

which we're already looking forward to.

Meantime, thanks very much for playing, Suzanne and Gary.

BOTH: Thank you.

But for Mark and Phil it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Mark and Phil, you've fought off all the

competition and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at...

CHEERING

Well, you've done so well. I mean, brilliant, brilliant performances

the whole way through. We had a slight stumble with

Samantha Brown...

LAUGHTER ..but I think we'll draw a veil over that.

But 2-0 in the head-to-head. There's no arguing with that, that's fantastic.

Here you are in the final, what would you like to see come in? Sport. OK, sport. Any...

Manchester United Champions League opponents?!

LAUGHTER Stretford End chants!

Now then, as always, you kick-start this round by choosing

a category, you have four choices.

Here they are...

LAUGHTER

It's got to be? Yeah. Got to be music.

Easy listening. Easy listening music it is.

Richard. OK. Here's the three options. Take what you want from any of these...

Plenty to get your teeth into at home there

and very good luck in the studio, guys.

OK, now as always you have up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot, ?2,500 don't forget,

is for just one of those answers to be pointless. Now,

the answers you give can come from any of these categories.

It's entirely up to you how you allot them, it can be all three

from one category, one from each, however you like.

Are you ready? BOTH: Yes.

OK. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are, your time starts now.

I don't know any Barry Manilow songs and I don't know any Dionne Warwick songs, right.

LAUGHTER

Forever In Blue Jeans. Cracklin' Rosie. Coming To America.

Is there one called Yom Kippur?

Not sure. Bermuda Triangle is Barry Manilow.

Walk On By.

Do You Know The Way To San Jose?

So, what are we going to go for?

I think Neil Diamond would be popular. Love On The Rocks.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers.

That wasn't on his own, that was with Barbara Streisand.

What were the Dionne Warwick ones you said?

Walk On By. Do You Know The Way To San Jose?

Definitely the second one. Ten seconds left. OK.

What was the one about Mandy? Everyone will know that.

I Am...I Said. Yes.

OK, that's your time. I now need your three answers...

We're going to go with one from each. Barry Manilow -

Bermuda Triangle. Bermuda Triangle.

Neil Diamond - I Am...I Said.

I Am...I Said. Dionne Warwick...

Do You Know The Way To San Jose? Do You Know The Way To San Jose?

Of those three which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

Neil Diamond. Neil Diamond is the best.

OK, I Am...I Said, we'll pop that last.

Which is your least likely? Bermuda Triangle? Bermuda...

Let's pop those up on the board in that order.

And here they are...

Well, very best of luck. Your first answer was Bermuda Triangle.

OK, if this is correct and pointless you will win ?2,500.

Now, Mark, what would you do with that?

I think a little holiday. Busman's holiday, really. Exactly.

I know how you'll get there at least.

LAUGHTER

We've got some friends who moved over to Sydney last year

so maybe go and visit them.

Very nice. Phil? It's my son's 21st soon so... I...

I might take him to Vegas. Well, sort of lads' trip?

LAUGHTER

Yep!

OK. Can I change my answer? I'm going to Vegas, as well.

LAUGHTER

OK, if it's correct, as I say, it will win you that jackpot.

For ?2,500 let's find out - was Bermuda Triangle

a UK top 40 hit for Barry Manilow?

Yes, it was.

It's correct, that's the first thing.

The second thing it has to be is pointless.

Down it goes through the 30s into the 20s...

into the teens, into single figures,

still going down, down it goes, 3.

This is a great score.

APPLAUSE

3. This is looking very good. Good start.

Obviously, it's not pointless, it doesn't count

but it's a great score.

Looking very good for your other two answers.

Your second answer was...

Again, if it's correct and its pointless

you will leave here with ?2,500. So, let's find out, was

Do You Know The Way To San Jose? a UK top 40 hit for Dionne Warwick?

Yes, it was.

Your first answer took you all the way down to 3.

Your second answer - Do You Know The Way To San Jose?

is now taking us down into single figures, down it goes,

still going down - 4!

OK, again not a pointless answer.

Another cracking answer, though. That'd be brilliant.

Imagine how happy you'd be with that in normal Pointless.

So, your final answer, the one that everything is now riding on

is I Am...I Said.

If this is pointless it wins you that jackpot for ?2,500,

let's find out - is I Am...I Said a UK top 40 hit for Neil Diamond?

It is...

Bermuda Triangle took us down to 3.

Do You Know The Way To San Jose? took us down to 4.

I Am...I Said, the one you put last, the one you thought was your

best shot at a pointless answer...!

AUDIENCE GROANS 5!

Oh... I tell you, your grouping was brilliant. 3, 4, 5 - that's superb!

That takes skill.

LAUGHTER I'm really sorry, though. Unfortunately, you didn't find

that pointless answer that you needed which means you don't go

away with today's jackpot of ?2,500. That will roll over onto the next

show but we've really enjoyed having you on the show.

You've done so well. And you do get to take our Pointless trophy each,

so very well done. That's what we came for!

Yes, you've been terrific fun across two shows, guys.

It's really unlucky, none of the other answers you were thinking of

in the 60 seconds would've been pointless.

You went through almost all of Neil Diamond's hits.

Cracklin' Rosie would have scored 15. Forever In Blue Jeans - 11.

Love On The Rocks - 10. Song Sung Blue would have scored 6.

So, all big scorers, you went for the best one you mentioned.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers across all three groups.

You could also have had - I'm Gonna Sit Myself Right Down And Write

Myself A Letter, that would have been a pointless answer.

Please Don't Be Scared and Stay, both of those pointless.

Barry Manilow is the easiest one of these three,

there's not many pointless answers on the other two.

Neil Diamond - just the two...

And also just the two for Dionne Warwick.

Terrific answers.

You've been great throughout so thank you so much for coming along.

Well, unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye to you, Mark and Phil,

but we've loved having you on the show.

Thank you both so much for playing. Great contestants - Mark and Phil.

Now, sadly Mark and Phil didn't win our jackpot today which means it

rolls over onto our next show when we will be playing for...

Join us then to see if someone can win it, meanwhile,

it's goodbye from Richard. Goodbye. And it's goodbye from me.

Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd