Episode 28 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where all the questions have been put to 100 people

and all our contestants have to do

is come up with the answers that no-one else can think of.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

-And couple number one.

-Hello, my name is Lou.

-This is Jon, he's my husband and we're from Wigan.

-Couple number two.

Hi, I'm Dan. This is Marc and we're friends from Newcastle.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Joe, this is my friend Steve and we're from Worcester.

And finally couple number four.

Hello, I'm Sarah from Cleveleys and this is my sister from Bolton.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks to all of you, we'll find out more about you throughout the show,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

The fact that he never forgets anything means that

around the office we've started calling him the Elephant Man.

-LAUGHTER

-I think that's why we call him that.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

APPLAUSE Hi, everybody.

-Hiya, how are you?

-I'm very well.

I'm really looking forward to today's show, I think

it's going to be a cracker.

Er, we have two returning pairs, Steve and Joe, who did very well

-last time, got knocked out in the head-to-head, didn't they?

-Yeah.

And Linda and Sarah, who are also very, very good.

Came across a tough category with Football Managers,

got knocked out, but I suspect they'll do very well as well.

You know quite often I say to you that someone in our midst has

-a certain skill or certain job or something.

-Yeah.

There are two people on today's show, and you need to spot them

as you go up and down, two people on our show today are priests.

LAUGHTER

OK, I'm going to use my... usual powers of deduction.

That's the thing to do, just use a little...

-I'm going to ask a couple of questions, couple of leading questions.

-Exactly.

You're not allowed to ask, "Are you a priest?" But any other question

you're allowed to ask and then you're allowed to have a little guess.

-I'm on it.

-And we keep giving away the jackpot.

Three days in a row we've given away the jackpot.

-I know, our Christmas party's going to be rubbish.

-LAUGHTER

Oh, it'll be fun, I'll do my Elephant Man trick, we'll be fine.

-Oh, not again. Whoa.

-LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard. Every question on Pointless has been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants are looking for a pointless answer, an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

And each time that happens we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Yes, Maitland and Andrew won the jackpot again last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

So, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, the pair with the highest score

at the end of the round will be eliminated

and remember there is to be no conferring during the round itself.

OK, our first category today is...

World Geography. Can you all decide who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many capital cities

north of Paris as they could. Capital cities north of Paris.

-Richard.

-Yeah, we're looking for any capital city which is north of Paris.

Has to be the capital city of a country that is a sovereign state

and a member of the UN, of course. Very, very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Now then, Lou and Jon, you all drew lots before the show

and today you're going to go first.

Lou, welcome to the show, great to have you here. What do you do?

I'm a newborn hearing screener.

-A newborn hearing screener?

-Yes.

SHE LAUGHS

-It says what it...does on the tin.

-Oh, no, I see what you mean!

No, that makes sense! I see, yes!

Sorry, I thought you were sort of born-again. I was thinking...

I thought I'd found my first priest.

LAUGHTER

-No, that's these gentlemen here!

-No, don't give it away!

-Don't give it away!

A newborn hearing screener, no, I understand. So how do you do that?

-Oh, it's very technical.

-Well, it must be, because obviously you can't ask them if they heard it.

-No, they can't sort of wave or make little noises, no.

-No.

Basically we have a little piece of machinery

and we play some sounds into the baby's ear and we just see

if the little bits inside their ears are responding to sound.

-Ahh, little bits.

-Yeah, little bits.

-Ossicles.

-And what do you do when you're not doing that, Lou?

Erm, well, we have a seven-year-old little boy, Zachary.

-So that takes up a lot of our time.

-He'll be watching right now.

-He'll be watching right now, there's a lot on it.

-Hi, Zachary.

But when I'm at home I just like cake.

-Oh, what a great answer. Yes, cake.

-Cake, really.

-Perfect.

-Any favourite kind of cake?

-All cake is good.

All cake is good cake, never a truer word said. Now then, Lou.

-Yes.

-We're looking for any capital city that's north of Paris.

I'm going to go with...Copenhagen?

Copenhagen, says Lou. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Copenhagen.

It's right.

39.

APPLAUSE

-I think that's sort of fine, do we think, Copenhagen?

-Middle-ish.

-Yeah.

Good start, Lou, especially on that first podium, it is tough. That's a good answer.

Yeah, it's been the capital of Denmark since 1445.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Dan, welcome to Pointless, great to have you here.

-What do you do, Dan?

-LAUGHTER

Well, believe it or not, I'm a Catholic priest.

I think I've found our first one, Richard.

But don't forget I said you're not allowed to say, "What do you do?"

-HE SIGHS

-You make it so hard.

I know, you should have said something like,

"Do you work in an office or... a church?"

Asked that question.

Do you work in a... Do you... Are you a priest?!

No, sorry, I can't do it, I can't do it!

Er, Dan. How long have you been a priest?

I've been a priest now about five months, actually.

Oh, so a brand-new priest. How's it going?

It's going really well actually, really enjoying it.

And where's your parish?

-It's in County Durham in the Northeast.

-Excellent.

Now then, Dan, what are you going to give me

for a capital city north of Paris?

Yeah, it's a tricky one.

-I think I'm going to go with Oslo.

-Oslo, says Dan.

Let's see if Oslo's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

Is right.

-44 for Oslo.

-APPLAUSE

Yeah, capital of Norway of course.

It's so far north, it was the site of the Winter Olympics in 1952.

-Thanks, Rich. Now, Joe, welcome back.

-Hello.

-So, Joe, last time...ooh, head-to-head.

-So close.

Not just head-to-head, you were our golden couple in the head-to-head.

Our lowest-scoring pair. What happened?

It was, er, the Georges, the presidents of America that let us down.

-That's right.

-Yeah.

-That's right. Now, remind us what you do, Joe.

Er, I work in marketing for a sports management company.

Very good. We only had one sports round as well, didn't we?

-Yeah, it was football, wasn't it?

-Yeah, Football Managers.

-Strong round for us.

-Very good.

OK, now, Joe, what are you going to go for here? Capital cities north of Paris.

Er, I've got three to choose one and just trying to pick out

the answer that's going to get us the lowest score.

-I'm going to go with Brussels.

-Brussels, says Joe.

OK, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

-APPLAUSE

-25, very well done, lowest score so far, Joe.

Yes, actually it's the closest world capital to Paris as well.

It's 266 kilometres away.

Er, now then, Linda, welcome back to the show.

Now, what happened with you last time?

Er, we went out in the second round. Football Managers.

You did very well on Football Managers. I mean, you knew your stuff on Football Managers.

Erm, but, yes, we just had an incorrect answer there,

-that's right.

-Me.

-We had Rafa Benitez, didn't we?

-That was the problem there.

-I wasn't going to say.

-No, it's fair enough.

-It's...

-At least it was Spanish.

-Exactly, it was, exactly. Well said.

We had Sarah and Linda on the show last time. They're sisters.

LITTLE bit of rivalry between them, I detect, but anyway, I don't know.

-Linda, what are you going to go for? A capital north of Paris.

-Stockholm.

Stockholm. Stockholm, says Linda. Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said it.

Well, 44 is our high score, 25 our low.

You've passed 44. 37 you are.

APPLAUSE

37 for Stockholm.

Yeah, we're having a lovely tour of Scandinavia, aren't we, in Round One?

It's so far north, in January it has six hours of sunlight.

-Stockholm.

-Wow. Well, we're halfway through the round,

let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

25 the best score of that pass, Joe, very well done to you.

Then we travel up to 37, where we find Linda and Sarah,

up to 39, Lou and Jon.

Not that far up to 44, where we find Dan and Marc,

but, Marc, you are the high scorers.

So we need a nice low score from you in the next pass.

-How are you on this? Is your geography good, Marc?

-Not good.

-Not a good category, really.

-OK, well, very, very best of luck.

We're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium.

OK, now then. Sarah.

Sarah.

-Was Linda a good sister all your life?

-Of course.

-Did she...

-When you were little, did you squabble at all?

-No.

-No.

No, cos there's quite a gap between us,

so...I was just a nuisance, really. But she always looked after me.

She looked after you, that's good. And whose idea was it to come on the show?

Ooh... You see, can't even agree on that.

-No, I'm sure it was a joint decision.

-A joint decision. No, that sounds like a very good...

I'm getting all the blame, especially after having the 100, so...

Well, I have high hopes for you today. I think you're going to do...

Every time I say that people leave at the end of that round,

but nonetheless I do have very high hopes.

I also happen to think you're going to have a knockout capital north of Paris.

Reykjavik.

'Ey, there you go! There you go.

You're on 37, the high scorers at the moment are Marc

and Dan on 44, which means six or less would mean you avoid

becoming the new high scorers, and that's what six or less looks like,

there's your red line.

Let's see how far down you get with Reykjavik.

It's good. Now, 25 is our lowest score so far.

29. Second-lowest.

APPLAUSE

-That takes your total up to 66.

-Very good answer, yeah, very well played.

It's the most northerly capital city in the world, Reykjavik.

-Ooh, that is north.

-That is north.

That gets FOUR hours of sunlight a day in the winter.

That's not enough.

Er, thanks very much indeed. Now then, Steve.

-Steve, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Now, remind us what you do, Steve.

I'm a town centre manager for a town called Pershore,

based in Wychavon in Worcestershire.

Very good. Er, Pershore, sounds beautiful.

It is very nice Georgian market town,

-nice River Avon running through it as well and a nice abbey, so...

-It sounds fantastic.

And what, of all the things you've done, since the management

has been under your care, what is the thing you are most proud of?

Most proud has got to be being involved in the organisation

of the Pershore Plum Festival.

The Pershore Plum Festival, I can tell you now, was a triumph.

Well, funny you say that, actually, because recently it just won the best event in the region

of Worcestershire for the third year in a row, so we're pretty proud.

The Plum Festival. Please tell me it does involve actual plums.

-It does indeed, yeah.

-Good.

-One of the variants, the Pershore Purple,

-hence the celebration of the local distinctiveness.

-That is brilliant.

What did you do for the Pershore Plum Festival?

Oh, it'd take you far too long to answer that!

It's a month long celebration so, yeah, using a lot of local

businesses and community groups to celebrate the plum.

Do all the shopkeepers have their plums out?

The ones that have good enough plums, yeah, they put them on show.

-Yeah.

-Pop your plums out for the festival.

It's all in the right spirit, isn't it? That's good.

So, Steve, look, there you are, on 25.

The highest scorers at the moment are Sarah and Linda on 66.

40 or less sees you into the next round.

Yeah, trying to think of somewhere, obviously, cold,

I would have thought, the more north we go,

-so I'm going to go for Moscow.

-Moscow, says Steve. Moscow.

Let's see if that's right. There's your red line.

If you get below that with Moscow, you're in the next round.

42, that scores you. Well, Sarah and Linda are definitely in Round Two.

I think you probably are. That takes you up to 67.

Another good answer in a very good round so far from everybody, just picking and choosing these capitals.

-Yeah, over 10 million people now live in Moscow.

-Wow.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now then. Marc.

-Hi.

-Marc, do you work in an office?

-I don't. I'm a strippagram.

-LAUGHTER

Oh, I was sure he was the other vicar.

Er, Marc. So, how did you and Dan meet?

Er, we studied together in seminary.

-We trained to be priests at the same time.

-How long was your...training?

-Seven years.

-Seven years.

-Yeah, long time.

-Wow, that is a long time.

-That's like becoming a doctor.

-Doctor of the soul.

-A doctor of...

There we are, doctor of the soul. Now, OK, Marc, you're on 44.

The high scorers on 67 at the moment are Steve and Joe.

What are you going to go for, capital city north of Paris?

I'm going to take a punt. I'm not sure if it's a capital city or not

but I'm going to say Luxembourg.

Luxembourg. OK, Marc has said Luxembourg. Here's your red line.

You have to get below that with your answer, Luxembourg.

Let's see if you can. Luxembourg, is it right?

It is right.

And you go through, look at that!

Three!

-APPLAUSE

-That is the best score of the round by a margin, Marc. Very well done.

-47 is your total.

-Brilliant answer, Marc, that's a terrific answer.

-But, for an extra point, can you tell me what it's the capital of?

-Luxembourg.

It is, well done. LAUGHTER

It's actually the closest in latitude to Paris of anything on this list.

-Oh, he's cutting it fine!

-Yeah, really fine.

-Hence the low score.

-That's why he got so few points, yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

Very well done. Now, Jon.

Jon, welcome to the show.

Oh, it's a little bit tense at this stage!

Not a bad answer from Lou in the first pass there, but you're on 39.

The high scorers on 67 are Steve and Joe,

so you have to score 27 or less. Now, Jon, what do you do?

I'm a computer systems analyst, Xander.

What do you do in your spare time, Jon?

Er, I do a lot of sports, or I try to at least.

There's bits of me falling off now, I'm afraid, as I get older, so I do a lot of swimming now.

I used to play a lot of football and do some martial arts at one time.

Now then, Jon, there you are, 39. What are you going to go for?

OK, I've got a really risky one but I'm not sure

if they're a member of the UN, so I think I'll stick to one of

my original answers, which probably aren't members of the UN either...

-Well, hang on!

-LAUGHTER

-If all...

-It's less risky, it's less risky.

-OK.

And I'll go for Tokyo.

-Tokyo.

-Yeah, Tokyo.

There's your red line. Get below that...

-Lou, what do you think? Tokyo?

-Erm...

-Is that good cake, bad cake?

-It's middling cake.

-Middling... Ooh, my favourite kind.

Let's see if it's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said Tokyo.

Oh, bad luck, Jon!

Bad luck. I'm afraid an incorrect answer, which means you score

the maximum of 100 points, takes your total up to an unbeatable 139.

Yeah, sorry, Jon. As far north as Reykjavik is above Paris, Tokyo is about that far south of Paris.

-Is it really?

-Yeah, a long way south, I'm afraid.

It's interesting actually, cos I think pretty mu...

I think every single answer on this list is European.

I think even somewhere like Ottawa in Canada is not further north than Paris.

And I bet a lot of people said that.

Erm, but let's take a look at all the answers. No pointless answers at all,

so I have to say Luxembourg was a very, very good answer,

cos the best answer on the board would have only got you two points.

Let's take a look.

Kiev in Ukraine and Astana in Kazakhstan,

both of those would have been two points.

There's Luxembourg with three, you would have got three for Minsk

in Belarus, you would have got four for Prague in the Czech Republic.

If you go up into the Baltic you'd have got six for Vilnius, Lithuania,

you'd have got ten for the Latvian capital, Riga,

and 11 for Tallinn, which is Estonia.

Let's take a look at the top three, we've heard a couple of them already.

Moscow, 42, we know.

-We also know Oslo, 44, and what do you think's top?

-Oh, London.

And London right at the top there with 68 points.

Thanks very much. So, at the end of our first round, the pair heading home

with a high score of 139, I'm sorry, it's you, Jon and Lou.

I'm sorry, but, you know, you were thinking outside the...

outside the box, I'm going to say, I think, there.

Erm, but I'm afraid, yes, too far outside, and...south of it.

But it's been great having you on the show, we look forward to

-seeing you again next time. Jon and Lou. Excellent.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

So, three pairs remain, obviously at the end of this round we'll

have to say goodbye to another pair. Marc and Dan, you did good.

-Out of the bag.

-You did good there.

Very well done indeed, Luxembourg,

very close between the other two pairs, just one point between you,

so, yes, I think this is going to be very exciting and very close.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Pop Music.

Can you all decide who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Foreign Song Titles, Richard.

On each pass we're going to show you the names of six UK

top 40 singles, each of which have a foreign word in the title.

We need you to tell us the name of the act who had a hit with that song, please.

-There's going to be six on each board, 12 in all to have a go at at home.

-Thanks very much indeed.

OK, so we're looking for the artist or band that performed these songs.

OK, here's our first board of six.

I'll read those one last time.

There we are, six song titles with foreign words in them. Marc.

Er, not good, really. Erm...

And the only one I know is pretty embarrassing, I think,

but I have to go Viva Forever, the Spice Girls!

OK, Viva Forever, the Spice Girls, says Marc.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said the Spice Girls.

48.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, it was also the name of their musical in the West End that closed after five months.

Thanks very much. Now, Joe.

Oh, no, Joe. You looked really pleased with this round.

-Not so much any more.

-Oh, right.

This is a complete stab in the dark, I don't have a clue,

really, on this one.

I'm going to go with...

Voulez-Vous as Christina Aguilera.

I know she was in Moulin Rouge so perhaps it's linked to that.

Oh, I see what you've done there, actually. Ah, yes, no, there's...

-It's an educated guess.

-No, there is a link between those words and her.

Let's find out if it's right in this instance, though. Voulez-Vous, Christina Aguilera.

Ohh, bad luck, bad luck, Joe, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which scores you the maximum of 100 points.

Yeah, sorry, Joe.

Yeah, she sings Lady Marmalade, doesn't she,

-does a version of that "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

-Thanks, Richard.

Now then, Linda, you're the last person to have this board.

How do you find this board, Linda?

-I'm going to be honest, you don't look best pleased.

-No.

Pop music is not me.

I think That's Amore is somebody from my age group

but I can't remember the name of the person.

So I'll go Voulez-Vous, ABBA.

Voulez-Vous, ABBA, says Linda.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said ABBA.

It is right.

57.

APPLAUSE

57 for ABBA.

Yeah, very good answer.

You're right that That's Amore is someone you'll know, I'm sure.

-It's Dean Martin.

-Ah, yes.

-Yep.

-Do you know that?

-Yeah.

Would have scored you 25 points.

Encore Une Fois, remember Encore Une Fois?

It's a DJ, had a load of hits a few years ago. Sash.

-Sash.

-Yeah, Ecuador and various others. 13 points for them.

-Never have remembered that. Yeah.

-Er, Dov'e L'Amore is Cher.

And the other one on the board... HE CHUCKLES

..it's an Italian lady who had a hit in the '60s,

it's a pointless answer and it was Gigliola Cinquetti.

-You remember that one.

-Yeah(!) Oh, Non Ho L'Eta Per Amarti? Ohh! I'm going to be singing it.

I'm going to be singing that all round now. Everybody at home's now got that going around their head.

# Non ho l'eta per amarti... #

THEY HUM IMPROVISED TUNES

-I love that song.

-Yeah.

-Radiohead did a cover of it.

-Yeah. Yeah!

Thank you, Richard. Let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

The best score of that pass, would you believe,

was yours, Marc, 48, so well done.

That puts you in a strong position, up to 57, where we find

Linda and Sarah, and then up to 100, where we find Joe and Steve.

Now, who knows what's going to happen in the next part?

Steve, what we will need from you is a low-scoring answer,

so best of luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more songs up on the board,

and here they come.

I'll read them one more time.

Now, remember we're looking for the artist or band

who performed these songs,

and, Sarah, you're going to try and find the one you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

I feel another 100 coming. Erm...

I'll go for...

..Christina Aguilera for...

She's getting a lot of these, isn't she?!

-..Viva La Vida.

-OK, Viva La Vida, you're saying Christina Aguilera.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many people said it.

There's your red line. You have to get below that to get through to the next round.

Let's see if that's right.

-Ohhhh...

-What a surprise!

I'm afraid another one of those songs she hasn't sung.

That scores you the maximum of 100 points, takes your total up to 157.

Yeah, sorry, Sarah, I'll give you the correct answer at the end of the pass.

Thanks, Richard. Now then, Steve. This is a better board, I think.

-You're not so convinced?

-Well...

It's OK now that the answer I was going to give didn't go,

so, other than the one I THINK I know, I haven't got a clue,

so I'll go with Livin' La Vida Loca and Ricky Martin.

Ricky Martin, says Steve.

OK, well, you want to score 56 or less to avoid overtaking

the high score of Linda and Sarah. There's your red line,

let's see if Ricky Martin can get you below that.

He can, is the answer to that. Ooh, just, look at that. 51.

APPLAUSE

-151, you are just through.

-Yeah, big score for Livin' La Vida Loca.

Three weeks at number one.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now then.

Dan, good news. You're in the head-to-head.

You're in the head-to-head even if you score 100 points.

You're also the last person to have this board, so if you fancied it

you could talk us through it and fill in the blanks.

Yeah, I only knew two of them, and one of them's just gone,

one of them was the Ricky Martin one.

But I'm fairly sure I know Viva La Vida, and I think it's Coldplay.

Coldplay, you're saying, for Viva La Vida. Let's see if that's right.

No red line for you as you're already through, but let's see how many people said Coldplay.

-25.

-APPLAUSE

-Takes your total up to 73.

-Nice end to the round.

Coldplay's first number one in the UK AND America, Viva La Vida.

-Now, of the rest of these, how are you?

-I could do two of those.

-La Isla Bonita?

-Er...that's Madonna.

-Is Madonna, yes.

-That would have scored...42. What's the other one you know?

-Hoppipolla.

-Hoppipolla.

-Is Sigur Ros.

-Sigur Ros, absolutely.

It would have scored two points.

Now, if you think you don't know that song, go on the internet,

have a little listen to it, I guarantee that you'll know it.

It's played on every advert, every movie, every TV show.

Have a little listen to it, I promise you'll know it.

Now, La Tristesse Durera (Scream To A Sigh), Manic Street Preachers.

Would have scored you three points. And Quiereme Mucho (Yours)

is the best answer on the board, one point if you said Julio Iglesias.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. So at the end of our second round, I'm afraid,

the pair leaving us, with the high score of 157, it's Sarah and Linda.

-I'm sorry. It was second round last time, I think, wasn't it?

-Yes.

I'm sorry you haven't made it beyond the second round.

This is where we actually say goodbye. But it's been lovely having you on the show,

-thank you so much for playing.

-Thank you.

-Sarah and Linda!

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Marc and Dan, Steve and Joe,

you're now one step closer to the final and

a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

Now, we have to decide who's going to play for that money,

and to do that you're now going to go head-to-head.

You're now allowed to confer before you give your answers

and the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

That was the best series on television in the last 10 years,

-I think.

-LAUGHTER

OK, we're about to show you five images of women who are married to famous politicians.

We need you to tell us the name of the politician they were married to, please.

-Very, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

OK, let's reveal our five politicians' wives,

and here they are.

There we are.

Yes, politicians' wives. So, Marc and Dan, you've played best

throughout the show so far so you will be going first.

THEY WHISPER

OK, we're going to go for D.

OK.

-And Nicolas Sarkozy.

-Nicolas Sarkozy, say Marc and Dan.

Nicolas Sarkozy.

Now, Steve and Joe, who are you going to go for?

Erm...

-I think we're going to go for E, David Cameron.

-E, David Cameron.

So we have Nicolas Sarkozy for D and we have David Cameron for E.

Marc and Dan said Nicolas Sarkozy, let's see if that's right

and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

14.

-APPLAUSE

-Ooh, good, good, good.

Steve and Joe have said David Cameron for E.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

56.

APPLAUSE

56, which means, Marc and Dan, after one question, you are up 1-0.

Yeah, Cameron and Sarkozy both punching above their weight in my opinion. Don't you think?

That's Carla Bruni of course, who is a model and singer,

and Samantha Cameron.

Now, A, of course, is the brilliant Michelle Obama.

She's married to Barack Obama. That would have scored you 69 points.

And B, she's a very successful author,

Frances Osborne, and she's married to George Osborne.

She's a pointless answer, so very well done if you said that.

C, I think people will know.

It's Pauline Prescott,

and at the age of 22 she married the 23-year-old John Prescott.

And she would have scored you 18 points.

So the best answer on that board, Frances Osborne.

Thank you very much, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Steve and Joe, you have to win this one to stay in the game, but you will get to answer it first.

Best of luck. It concerns...

Concerns tax, Richard.

Yeah, we are now going to show you five different types of tax,

all collected by HM Revenue and Customs.

By the way, big fan of their work.

-Are you?

-I am.

-HMRC.

-Yeah.

-I love 'em. Do you like 'em, guys?

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah, terrific, terrific people.

We're going to give you those five types of tax but we've missed out alternate letters.

-Can you fill out the gaps, please?

-Thank you very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five types of tax, and here they are.

I'll read all those one last time.

Steve and Joe, you'll go first.

THEY WHISPER

Yeah, we think we know a few of them, so obviously the lowest

one we're going to go for, insurance premium tax.

Insurance premium tax is the first one, that's what you're saying.

-OK, Marc and Dan.

-Er...

Do you want to take us through all the other taxes?

Well, income tax, value added tax,

capital gains tax and, er...

-Do you know the bottom one?

-No, we're not sure about the bottom one.

But I think we'll go for capital gains tax.

OK, capital gains tax, say Marc and Dan,

so we have insurance premium tax and capital gains tax.

Steve and Joe, insurance premium tax, let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

It's good.

28.

APPLAUSE

Now, Marc and Dan have said capital gains tax.

Let's see how many people said capital gains tax, and is it right?

69.

APPLAUSE

Well done, Steve and Joe, you're back in the game.

-After two questions it's 1-1.

-Well played, guys.

Yeah, only one answer would have beaten insurance premium tax and it's the bottom one, as you can imagine.

It's not income tax, that would have scored you...

77.

It's not value added tax,

cos that would have scored you 53.

It's the bottom one, and it's corporation tax,

and would have scored you 19.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Here comes your third question.

Whoever wins this question will go through to the final

and play for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Yeah, simply five clues now to facts about the Battle of Waterloo,

and the team that gives us

the most obscure answer is going through to play for the jackpot.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

OK, let's reveal our five clues, and here they are.

I'll read those one last time.

There we are, five clues to facts about the Battle of Waterloo.

Marc and Dan, you will go first.

OK. I think it's 1812 but I'm not... I'm not sure.

THEY WHISPER

Is it Nelson who was the...

Er, we're going to have to go for the emperor and say Napoleon.

OK, you're going to say Napoleon. Marc and Dan go with Napoleon.

Steve and Joe, what are you going to go for?

This isn't the best board for us, Alexander, to be honest.

Do you want to do some just thinking out loud, think of each one?

The year in which it occurred, I want to say maybe 1500s,

but who knows? School no, commander of the British troops no.

-Shall we just go with country?

-Yeah.

Go for England for the modern-day country in which the village of Waterloo is located.

-Complete guess.

-OK.

Now then, Marc and Dan have said Napoleon was the French emperor who was defeated.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said Napoleon.

81.

Steve and Joe have said England,

the modern-day country in which the village of Waterloo is to be found.

-No.

-Probably France.

No, bad luck, which means Marc and Dan, after three questions,

you're through to the final 2-1. Well done.

Yep, not, er...not England.

And not in the 1500s either, the Battle of Water...

I'm sure they forced you to learn all this at school, didn't they?

-Yeah, yeah.

-In our day. I'm almost certain. Guys, any idea what date it was?

-I've got a good feeling... I think it's 1812.

-1815.

1815 was the answer. Four of our 100 thought it was 1066.

LAUGHTER

Would have scored you 23 points, that year.

-Now, the commander of the British troops was...

-Duke of Wellington.

The Duke of Wellington. Would have scored you 36.

It's said to have been won on the playing fields of this school.

Could have had a guess at this, I think. It's Eton.

Would have scored you 44.

-And the modern-day country, what would you guess for that?

-Belgium.

It is in Belgium, yeah. And that would have scored you 28 points.

So the best answer on that board would have been 1815.

Thank you very much indeed.

So the pair leaving us at the end of our head-to-head round, it's Steve and Joe.

Erm, you performed pretty solidly in both shows,

and then you met your Waterloo. That is fair to say.

Listen, it's been great having you on both shows, thank you so much for playing. Steve and Joe.

APPLAUSE

Thanks, guys.

But for Marc and Dan it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Marc and Dan.

You've seen off all the competition and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at £1,000.

Well, you've done very, very well, some nice low scoring from you.

And I think we've tested you on all sorts of subjects.

We kicked off of course with capital cities north of Paris,

then we had songs with foreign words in them,

politicians' wives, taxes, and we've had the Battle of Waterloo.

I mean, really, we have tested you.

Anything you'd particularly like to see come up?

I don't know, strong for me would probably be movies, er, more music.

-Maybe football as well.

-Yeah.

-Could be embarrassing if religion comes up.

-Yeah! And we get it wrong!

Yeah. OK, well, very best of luck. Here are your four choices.

You've got...

American Playwrights, Artists In The Tate's Collection,

Scottish Sport, Olivers.

Scottish Sport might be like Celtic and...

I'm not going to be good at that, I wouldn't be...

-Shall we go for Olivers?

-We'll have to go Olivers, I'm afraid.

You're going to go for Olivers. Richard.

Three very different questions on this one, so not a bad choice.

We're looking for anyone who was credited in the film Oliver.

That's the 1968 film version of Oliver.

The title of any Jamie Oliver book.

Or any Olly Murs top 40 singles.

So according to IMDb anyone who's credited in the film of Oliver.

The title of any Jamie Oliver book.

And any top 40 single credited to Olly Murs or which has him as a featured, credited artist.

So three very different questions there, I suspect people at home

will be doing well on one or other of those categories.

-Very best of luck in the studio.

-Thanks very much indeed.

You've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

To win that jackpot, all you have to do is to find just one pointless answer among those.

The answers you give can come from any of these categories

and how you spread them across the categories is down to you.

They can all come from the same one if you like or one from each,

two from one, one from another, entirely down to you. Are you ready?

-Yep.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

Right, I know a Jamie Oliver book is 15-Minute Meals, I know that one.

-All right, we'll go with that.

-Do you know any other?

-No. No idea.

-Olly Murs?

-Olly Murs songs, erm...

-London Town?

-I'm sure there's Army Of Two.

-Speak up.

-I can hear one. Er...

-You can talk at full voice, so we can hear what you're saying.

-OK!

-OK, we'll go Army Of Two...

-Army Of Two. He's got his new one, which...

I think it's called Hand On My Heart.

-OK.

-Erm...

And 15-Minute...Recipes. What did you say it was?

-15-Minute Meals for Jamie Oliver's book.

-OK.

-Erm...

-Was it Troublemaker?

-Oh, yeah, Troublemaker.

-Erm...

-Are You Thinking Of Me. What that one? # Thinking of me... #

-Thinking...

Ten seconds left.

-Let's get the answers in, so... 15-Minute Meals.

-Erm...

-Let's go for, what, Troublemaker...

-Troublemaker and...

Army Of Two.

OK, there we are, that's your time up,

just as it sounded like you were deciding on your final three.

So what are your three answers?

We're going to go for one of Jamie Oliver's books,

-which we think is called 15-Minute Meals.

-15-Minute Meals.

And then two of Olly Murs' songs, which are Army Of Two...

-Army Of Two.

-Hand On My Heart.

-Hand On My Heart.

OK, now, of those three, which is

-your most likely to be pointless, do you think?

-The recipe book, I think.

OK, 15-Minute Meals, we'll put that last.

Which is your least likely to be pointless? Hand On My Heart?

-Hand On My Heart, yeah.

-OK, we'll do them in that order.

And here they are.

We've got Hand On My Heart, Army Of Two and 15-Minute Meals.

Well, very best of luck. Your first answer was Hand On My Heart.

This is the one you thought was least likely to be pointless.

But let's say one of them is pointless and you win that money,

what would you do with your share of that £1,000, Marc?

I might...might have a trip somewhere, might go to Luxembourg,

buy a Spice Girls album, listen to it on the way.

-Er, little holiday, I think.

-Excellent.

-Dan, how about you?

-Er, I'd probably do the same, really.

I haven't had a holiday in a while so it will be nice to get away for a week.

Very nice indeed, good. Well, best of luck.

Hand On My Heart. Let's find out.

In this instance we were looking for an Olly Murs UK top 40 single.

If this is correct and it is pointless it will win you £1,000.

Is it pointless?

Ooh, bad luck.

Bad luck, I'm afraid, that's an incorrect answer,

which means only two more chances to win today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Army Of Two, also an Olly Murs UK top 40 single.

Let's find out if that's correct.

If it is, and if it is pointless, you will win the jackpot.

So, for £1,000, how many people said Army Of Two?

It's right.

Well, your first answer, Hand On My Heart, was incorrect.

Army Of Two, though, is correct,

now taking us down through the teens

into single figures, still going down, down it goes.

Ooh!

-Oh, my goodness.

-APPLAUSE

One.

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

which is 15-Minute Meals.

In this case we were looking for Jamie Oliver cookbooks.

Again, it has to be correct and it has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot,

so, for £1,000, let's see how many people said 15-Minute Meals.

It's right.

Well, your first answer, Hand On My Heart, was incorrect,

your second answer, Army Of Two, took us all the way down to one.

Your third...

Oh! Bad luck.

21.

Unfortunately you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer,

so you don't win today's jackpot of £1,000, which will roll over on to the next show,

but we've really enjoyed having you on the show and, remember,

you do get to take home a Pointless trophy each, so very well done.

Unlucky, gents. Some good Olly Murs knowledge there though -

you did very well with Army Of Two, just getting one point.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in all the categories.

Cast of Oliver, a great line-up of British actors here.

Hylda Baker, Kenneth Cranham, who played Noah Claypole,

Leonard Rossiter, Peggy Mount, who was Mrs Bumble.

All of those would have been pointless answers. Well done if you said any of those.

Jamie's books, there's quite a few pointless answers here.

Jamie's America, you could have had Jamie's Dinners,

Save With Jamie, The Return Of The Naked Chef,

you could have had Funky Food, Happy Days With The Naked Chef,

you could have had Jamie's Little Book Of Big Treats,

Jamie's Monster Bake Sale or Jamie's Red Nose Recipes, all pointless.

And Olly Murs top 40 singles, Heart On My Sleeve, Oh My Goodness

and Right Place Right Time.

-Well done if you got a pointless answer at home and very unlucky in the studio.

-Thanks very much.

We have to say goodbye, Marc and Dan, but it's been brilliant having you on the show. Marc and Dan.

APPLAUSE

Well, sadly Marc and Dan didn't win our jackpot today, which means

it rolls over on to the next show, when we will be playing for £2,000.

-Join us next time, see if someone can win it. Meanwhile it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

-APPLAUSE