Episode 27 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed!

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's players.

-And couple number one.

-Hi, I'm Andrew.

This is my mum, Maitland, and we've come from London today.

Couple number two.

Hello, I'm Linda, I'm from Bolton, and this is my sister, Sarah,

who's from Cleveleys near Blackpool.

-Couple number three.

-Hello, I'm Tony.

This is my lovely wife, Sharon, and we're from Leeds.

And couple number four.

Hi, I'm Steve. This is my friend, Joe, and we're from Worcester.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much. We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Scraping around the discount bin of knowledge, hoping to bag a bargain,

-it's my pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Good afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-Two jackpots in a row again we've given away.

-Yeah.

The boys from Essex won it. Did very well on a football question.

We've only got one returning pair from that show, it's Sharon and Tony,

who did very well in Round One then joined the 200 club in Round Two.

And I think - I could be wrong - Maitland is our first Maitland ever.

-That's good.

-Do you think?

-Yeah.

It's not often, Maitland, that we get new names on the show,

cos we've done so many.

So thank you very much for perking up our day.

Brilliant, thanks, Richard. All our questions on Pointless have been put

to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants must find the obscure answers

those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone's trying to find a pointless answer,

an answer that none of our 100 people gave,

and each time that happens we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Ade and Mark won the jackpot last time

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

The pair with the highest score at the end of the round will be

eliminated and there is no conferring during the round itself.

Our category for Round One today is...

Words.

It's a Words round. Good luck on podium one.

Can you deicide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Words ending in ERT.

We're simply looking for any word which has its own entry

in the Oxford Dictionary of English that ends ERT.

No hyphenated words, proper nouns or anything like that.

-Any word ending ERT. There's some nice pointless ones here.

-Yeah.

You've got that lovely glazed look on your face of a man

-thinking of words that end ERT.

-Yeah, yeah.

Sorry?

Thank you, Richard.

So, Maitland and Andrew, you all drew lots before the show today

and you are going to go first.

-Maitland, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-Maitland, what do you do?

-I am a Blue Badge tourist guide in London. So...

-Blue Badge?

-Yes.

-The hallmark of a good tour guide.

-Yes.

What do you have to do to get your Blue Badge?

You do two years training, ten exams,

-written and practice...

-Ten? How many hours are each exam?

Depends. Two, two and a half.

Three. You can be on a coach all afternoon on the microphone.

-Wow.

-I know.

Now then, Maitland, words ending ERT.

It's probably not the most ingenious

but I thought of "introvert."

Introvert, says Maitland. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's absolutely right.

APPLAUSE

16.

Very well played on that first podium.

The other 84 people knew it as well but didn't like to say.

Now, Sarah, welcome to Pointless. What do you do?

I took early retirement so these days I just play, mainly.

What kind of play do you like to do?

We walk every day to try and keep fit.

-It's the best way.

-Yeah.

-They do say.

-And I do puzzles, read, video games. And I also knit.

-Good.

Now, Sarah, what about words ending in ERT?

I'm going to go with "inexpert."

Ah, I love it when people play this round properly.

Inexpert, says Sarah.

Let's see if it is right. This sounds good to me.

Let's see how many people said "inexpert."

It is right.

Maitland scored 16.

We've passed that.

1!

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Sarah. Great start to the show.

That's a brilliant answer, very well played.

"INNexpert" is someone who knows a lot about pubs.

Now, Sharon, welcome back to the show. Remind us, what do you do?

I work for a brewery, in the telesales department,

ringing pubs and clubs and getting their orders.

It's just fun, isn't it? From dawn till dusk, that's just a fun job.

Now, what about words ending ERT?

Oh...I'm really not sure about this but I'm going to risk it

and say "Camembert."

Oh!

Oh, Tony says, "Oh!"

-I wasn't expecting that.

-I thought she should answer CAERPHILLY...

Oh, that is good. That's good.

That's good.

Camembert.

Let's see if Camembert is right, let's see how many people said it.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer

and you will discover why in about two seconds.

-100 points it scored you.

-It's a proper noun, I'm afraid, Camembert.

-It's a brave guess, though.

-And a great cheese. Thanks very much.

-Now, Steve, welcome to the show. Good to have you here.

-Thank you.

-Where have you come from?

-From Worcester in the Midlands.

What do you do there, Steve?

I'm a town centre manager for a town in a district called Wychavon.

So, the town's Pershore, a nice Georgian market town.

Pershore. And you manage the centre of that town?

Probably sounds a bit more glamorous...

No, that sounds plenty glamorous, that sounds great.

How long have you done it for?

-Two and a half years now, this role.

-Is that fun?

-It is.

-Challenging at the moment.

-Well, it's a big challenge, yeah.

-But fun.

Now, Steve, what are you going to go for? Words ending ERT.

I think I'm going to go for a variant on the first answer,

so "extrovert."

Extrovert.

Be interesting to see if more people said that than introvert.

How many people said extrovert?

I think we know it's right - how many people said it?

Well, 16 was our high score.

17! There we are.

APPLAUSE

How poetic that is. Fantastic. 17 for "extrovert."

16 said introvert, 17 said extrovert, so one extra "vert."

-Good.

-Thanks.

-We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores.

1, the best score of that pass. Well done, Sarah.

Cracking answer there.

That puts you and Linda in a strong position.

Then up to 16, where we find Maitland and Andrew.

17, Steve and Joe.

And then all the way up to 100, Sharon, I'm sorry.

Oh, Camembert. Got me thinking. Mmm.

So, yes, Tony, who knows what's going to happen in the next pass,

but at the very least we require a low score from you.

So best of luck with that.

Can the second players please step up to the podium.

-So, Joe, welcome to the show. And you're also from Worcester.

-Yeah.

-An old pal of Steve's.

-Yeah.

-How long have you known each other?

13 years, since we were 11. High school, we first met.

Excellent. What do you do, Joe?

I work for a sports management company, in the marketing team,

so my main responsibility is looking after the company website.

Good stuff. So, plenty of sport expertise,

should that come up today.

Now, words ending ERT. You're in pretty good shape there.

Tony and Sharon have helped you out there by scoring 100,

so if you can score 82 or less, you're home and dry.

I'm going to play it safe. I'm going to go with "alert."

Wow, that's safe. Boy, oh, boy.

You know houses? It's safer than that.

OK, alert, says Joe.

Perfectly good answer. There's your red line.

If you get below that, you're through to the next round.

Well done.

You're through.

45.

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 62.

-Alert, you know what that means.

-I do.

-Yeah.

-Tony.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Oh, Tony.

Did you...? What was going through your mind when she said Camembert?

I thought, "Yeah, that's a good answer."

I thought, "She's done well."

But my faith was misplaced again.

Do you know what's going through my mind?

Crackers.

I'm thinking "cracker" as well. But, yeah.

Right, OK. I've got one that'll be low but will it be low enough?

And one that I'm pretty sure will be hyphenated.

"Invert."

-Invert?

-Yeah.

Invert, says Tony. Let's see if it's right.

No red line for you, as you're the high scorers.

Wow, 9.

APPLAUSE

-Good answer there.

-Yeah, given yourself a chance.

"Invert" - to put upside down or in the opposite position.

-Thanks very much indeed. Linda, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-What do you do, Linda?

-I'm retired.

-What did you do, Linda?

I used to be a trainer at a bank.

Training new members of staff and existing staff in new systems

-and things.

-What do you fill your retirement with?

I do all the normal things. I'm a lady that lunches,

I like to read, etc. And I'm also a volunteer at our local theatre,

The Octagon Theatre in Bolton.

-And how's that going?

-It's going very well.

What did you oversee there?

Well, I'm a meeter and greeter, so I welcome people into the theatre,

show them where the doors are, etc.

A lot of it is people wanting to know where the toilets are.

-Those are the most important doors.

-They are.

-Yes.

Now then, Linda, there you are on 1.

You are thorough to the next round, even if you score 100.

What better opportunity to find...

-I mean, Sarah managed to get 1.

-I know.

I think you can do better than that.

-Really?

-I think you can.

I think you've got a great answer that will £250 to the jackpot.

A couple of the ones that I wanted have gone.

So I'm going to try "subvert."

Subvert. Subvert. Can I just say now,

that was one of mine. So, um, just...

I mean, I have another, which I think's good.

But "subvert." No red line as you're already through.

Let's see if it's right.

It's good.

8.

APPLAUSE

That is the definition of patronising.

Sarah leant in and said, "Well done," and clapped.

Sarah who scored 1. Takes your total up to 9. Very well done, Linda.

-Lovely low score.

-Yeah, you can tell you're sisters, that's for sure.

That's such a sister thing to do.

-"Oh, well done."

-"Yeah, that scored eight times as much as mine..."

"You're on 800% of my score currently,

"it's going to be difficult to catch me up but it's really, really good.

"Especially considering what you were like at school.

"I'm AMAZED you did that.

"Ended in ERT and everything."

Yeah, you should play Ludo with her.

Andrew, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here. What do you do?

I'm currently a student in Bath, doing civil engineering.

That's great. And what do you like doing in your spare time?

-I've just passed as a referee, a football referee, so...

-Wow.

-That's quite exciting.

-Yeah.

-What led you into refereeing?

That's...that's quite punchy, isn't it?

I'm no good with the ball at my feet

so I figured I might as well try and send people off instead.

Right, OK. Richard does quite a lot of refereeing on this show.

I have done recently.

I've given a couple of yellow cards to people for various misdemeanours.

-So be careful.

-Yeah, we've had verbal warnings and everything.

It's been...it's been fun.

We've had a couple of yellow cards for people saying,

"I know nothing about this," and getting a good answer.

Doing that repeatedly has seen yellow cards.

We nearly gave a yellow card for,

"Oh, that's a bit before my time. These are a bit before my time."

-So, just to warn you, any of that stuff and....

-Yeah.

So, right, Andrew, there we are. You're on 16.

109 is the high score, so 92 or less basically gets your through.

Words ending in ERT was a little bit before my time...

-That's good.

-Yeah, I like that.

I can laugh at that. As a referee, I can laugh at that.

Yeah, yeah. And then make a little note in your book.

Just write the name Andrew on my book there.

I'm going to go for "inert."

-Inert.

-Inert.

Let's see how far down the column "inert" sends us.

There's your red line.

It's right and you're through.

31.

APPLAUSE

31 takes your total up to 47.

-Now, do you have an answer?

-I do.

If I was in Joe's position I felt I could take a bit of a risk.

I'd have gone for "reinsert."

1 point.

Good answer.

Very good. That all you got?

-I had "revert."

-Would have scored you 18 points.

Oh, for heaven's sake. How embarrassing.

-Can you imagine?

-Yeah.

-Shall we take a look at the pointless answers?

-No.

-Yeah, we must, we must.

-Let's take a look.

See if anyone at home got these.

Bashert, that's a Jewish word for your soul mate.

Blipvert - very, very short advert.

Couvert - another word for cover

but it counts as an English word for various reasons.

You could have had...

LAUGHTER

Durchkomponiert is a type of song.

-Guess what language that comes from.

-Um...

-Is it from Dutch?

-It's from German. A beautiful language, isn't it?

-It is pretty.

-Halbert, which is a spear and battleaxe.

Interconvert...

which is to change two things into each other.

To obvert.

Preconcert. And sievert, which is from physics. It's a measurement.

Very well done if you said any of those.

Let's take a look at the top three.

We've already seen the top one.

In-ert - shake it all abert. 31.

-Pert, 38.

-Always good.

And alert is actually the highest scorer of all. 45 points.

Thank you, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, I'm afraid the pair heading home,

with a high score of 109, it's our returning pair, the only one we had.

And we send you away. I'm so sorry, Sharon. Lovely low score from Tony.

Lovely idea from you.

But...I'm afraid Camembert, we couldn't allow it.

It's been lovely having you on both shows. Thank you for playing.

Tony and Sharon.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

So three pairs remain.

At the end of this round, we have to say goodbye to another pair.

I wouldn't like to say which pair that might be.

Certainly Linda and Sarah seem to be...

They seem to know what they're doing. Some lovely low scores.

I detect maybe a little bit of competition between you.

-Oh, yes.

-I don't know where I was getting that from but just maybe.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is...

Can you all decide who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, the question concerns...

Football managers. Richard.

We're going to give you six clues on each pass to football managers

or coaches. You have to give us the name of the manager or coach, please.

There's going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home.

Very, very best of luck.

It's one of those rounds that's damage limitation for some people.

Yes. I think Joe very much in his element here, I'd like to think.

OK, we are looking for the football managers described by these clues.

Here is our first board of six.

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are, six clues to facts about football managers.

Now, Maitland...

SHE SNIGGERS

-Hello.

-I was going to say, "Is this a good round for you?"

I think I know the answer to that.

Maybe no, is the answer to that one.

-Other than the obvious.

-You get first bite, though.

-OK.

I am just going to go for the very obvious - the Frenchman

who took over at Arsenal and just say Arsene Wenger,

-cos he's my mum's favourite.

-Arsene Wenger.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Arsene Wenger.

It's right.

59.

APPLAUSE

He's my favourite as well, for a non-Fulham manager.

He is a brilliant man.

Very bright, very thoughtful. An amazing coach.

What he's done with that club with the resources he's had...

Absolutely extraordinary manager.

Thank you, Richard. Linda. Now...

I suspect you're going to surprise us here

and be very, very sharp on your football managers.

I know...one that I know is right. And I know a dodgy one.

I know a few of those.

I think the won who won the World Cup as a player...

I think that's Franz Beckenbauer.

Franz Beckenbauer, says Linda.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said that.

It is right.

You passed 59.

Still going down.

13. Well done, Linda.

APPLAUSE

Very impressive.

The only man to have captained and managed World Cup-winning teams.

At time of recording, anyway.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Steve.

You're the last person to have this board.

This could be your moment of glory.

You can take us through the board and fill in all the blanks.

Quite appropriately, I think

it's a case of tactics for this one, really.

Top one, obviously, Sir Alf Ramsey.

Manager, Aston Villa... Could take a stab at that.

Ron Atkinson? Or was he still at United? Not too sure with that one.

Not sure about the Liverpool one.

So I'll go for Brian Clough with the Leeds United,

hoping that too many people

hadn't seen the various books and movies there was on it.

OK, you're going to say Brian Clough. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Brian Clough.

It's right.

59 is our high score - you've passed that.

13 is our low score.

You don't quite pass that but you're down quite close to it.

Very well done.

Well played, Steve.

Yeah, the film and the book The Damned United based on those 44 days.

Have you seen it?

-No, I haven't.

-It's really good.

They'd won the league the last year and the first thing he does,

he tells them all is to take their medals and put them in the bin.

He said, "You didn't win them fairly."

Oohhh.

And 44 days later he was off. Who would have thought?

You're right about Sir Alf Ramsey.

Surprisingly low score, actually.

Sir Alf, he would've scored you 27.

Now, the Bill Shankly answer,

Bob Paisley took over from Bill Shankly.

Another amazing manger. Both of them, Shankly and Paisley.

And he would have scored you...

6 points, would've been a good answer.

The Aston Villa manager is a pointless answer

cos Ron Saunders was the manager when they started that campaign,

and halfway through the season his assistant took over

and it was Tony Barton.

A pointless answer. Very well played if you said that.

Thanks, Richard. Let's take a look at those scores.

Linda and Sarah looking very strong

on 13 after that excellent answer.

Then up to 18 where we find Steve and Joe.

Then 59, Maitland and Andrew. Well, not bad.

You did it, you got through, it's all fine. No mistakes.

Can the second players please step up to the podium.

OK, let's put six more clues up on the board. Here they come.

I'll read those all one last time.

Remember, Joe,

we're looking for the football managers described by these clues.

You're going to try and find the lowest-scoring one you can.

I'm going to go with what I think will be a lowish answer,

and that's the ex-Newcastle manager.

I'm going to go with Kevin Keegan.

Kevin Keegan, says Joe.

The high scorers at the moment are Andrew and Maitland on 59.

There's your red line. If you get below that

you're in the head-to-head.

How many of our 100 said Kevin Keegan?

It's right.

And you're through, well done.

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 49.

Yeah, honestly, if you haven't seen it, worth YouTubing.

One of the funniest television clips of all time.

And they didn't beat them.

They didn't beat them.

Sarah, Linda did very well, didn't she?

There you are on 13.

The high scorers still Andrew and Maitland on 59,

so 45 or less sees you into the head-to-head.

OK, my mind's gone completely blank on one that I should know,

and I was going to go for Kevin Keegan.

So I'll have to say,

Spaniard appointed Bayern Munich manager, Rafa Benitez.

Rafa Benitez, says Sarah. Let's see if that's right.

Here's your red line.

Get below that and you are through to the next round.

Ooh!

That, I'm afraid, is an incorrect answer.

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 113.

Sorry, Sarah.

I'll give you the correct answer at the end of the pass.

-Linda looked silently delighted when you got it wrong.

-No!

I want a trophy.

A little bit of her was, wasn't it?

Now, Andrew.

That's what we call a lifeline, isn't it?

There you are, 59.

The high scorers now Sarah and Linda on 113,

so 53 or less sees you through.

Do you think you can talk us through this board?

I know the top three, including Kevin Keegan.

The second one, the Italian, Fabio Capello.

The bottom three I'd have to have a guess at.

Graham Taylor? But that's just a former England manager.

That's a guess. But I'm going to hope that it is low enough

and say the same answer, Spaniard appointed Bayern Munich manager,

and I'm going to say Pep Guardiola.

Pep Guardiola, says Andrew. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many of 100 people said that. There's your red line.

Very well done.

That's a very good answer - 10.

Very well done indeed, Andrew. That takes your total up to 69.

Sees you into the head-to-head.

Good end to the round, Andrew. Won two Champions Leagues with Barcelona

then took a year out, then turned up at Bayern Munich.

The Italian, you're right, it was Fabio Capello.

Would've scored you 29 points.

The former England manager, not Graham Taylor, it's Terry Venables.

Of course it was.

Who would do that? It was Terry, of course.

Would've scored you 2.

The Celtic head coach who was sacked...

was John Barnes.

Would've scored you 5 points.

He was sacked just after they lost to Inverness Caledonian Thistle

in the cup, which is where the very famous

"Super Cally Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious" comes from.

But it was actually based on a Liverpool headline many years before

when Ian Callaghan played very well against QPR.

And that was "Super Cally Goes Ballistic, QPR Atrocious."

-Oh, very good.

-So it's a direct lift.

And the coach of France was Aime Jacquet.

And that's a pointless answer,

so very well done if you said that. Terrific answer.

Thanks, Richard.

So at the end of our second round, the pair heading home

with a high score of 113 are our sisters, Sarah and Linda.

Lovely low scoring in the first pass there, and...

Stick to Ludo instead of football.

We do support Bolton Wanderers,

so we're used to going out on football rounds.

We look forward to seeing you next time,

it's been lovely having you on the show.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Steve and Joe, Maitland and Andrew,

you're now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for

our jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

We have to decide who's going to play for the money

and to do that you are now going to go head-to-head.

You are now allowed to confer before you give your answers and

the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

You've seen off our only returning pair.

Neither of you has been this far before.

So, yes, I think this is going to be very close.

Only five points between you on aggregate.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

-Richard.

-Going to show you five posters now for Oscar-winning films

but we've removed the titles from the posters.

Can you tell us the names of the films, please?

OK, thanks, Richard.

Let's reveal our five posters. And here they come.

There we are, five film posters.

Steve and Joe, you've played best throughout the show,

so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

I've got two answers for E, basically.

I'm going to go with...

American Beauty.

You're saying American Beauty for E.

Maitland and Andrew.

Do you want to talk us through the board?

OK. A, I think is Argo.

B, I guess, looks maybe a bit West Side Story or something.

-C, not got a clue(!)

-Yeah, no idea(!)

D is Silence Of The Lambs.

-And we're pretty sure on E as well.

-So what do you want to go for?

-A...people wouldn't get the poster.

-Yeah, do you want to do A, then?

-OK.

-We're going to go for A, Argo.

A, Argo.

We have American Beauty and Argo.

Steve and Joe said American Beauty.

Let's see if that's right

and, if it is, how many people said American Beauty.

It's right.

37.

-APPLAUSE

-Not bad.

Now, Maitland and Andrew. You have said that A is Argo.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Argo.

It is Argo.

Has to beat 37...

and it does.

-Oh!

-APPLAUSE

One away from pointless. Look at that.

That's a fantastic answer

and it means after one question you are up 1-0.

Well played, very small score for that. Great film, Argo, isn't it?

B, you were right, was West Side Story.

Would've scored you 23.

C is The Sound Of Music.

A big score, though - 77 for that.

And D, as I think you knew,

was Silence Of The Lambs.

And that would've scored you...

59.

Thank you, Richard. We're on to our second question.

Maitland and Andrew, you will get to answer this one first,

but Steve and Joe, you have to win it, so best of luck. It concerns...

Simply five clues to facts to the USA.

Which is the most obscure answer?

Thanks very much. OK, let's reveal our five clues. We've got...

I'll read those again.

There you are, five clues to facts about the United States.

Maitland and Andrew, you will go first.

Well, we...

know not all of them, so we are going to go with what we think

might be the least obvious, which is the US state surrounded by ocean -

Hawaii.

Hawaii, say Maitland and Andrew.

Steve and Joe, do you want to talk us through the board?

Um...

Number of US states is either 51 or 52. Or 50. Not really sure.

It seems to...change.

So I'm going to leave that one alone. Steve, do you know any?

Date, I'm guessing, is the 4th of July.

Bush...senior. Let's go with...

-Shall we go with four Georges?

-Yeah.

We'll go with number of presidents who have had the first name George,

four.

Four, say and Steve and Joe. Four Georges.

So we have Hawaii and we have four Georges.

Maitland and Andrew said Hawaii. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

62.

APPLAUSE

62. Steve and Joe, that's quite a high score there.

If you're right, you ought to beat that.

-Yeah.

-Let's find out. Have there been four presidents called George?

Bad luck, Steve and Joe. I'm sorry.

That means, Maitland and Andrew, you're through to the final, 2-0.

Unlucky, Steve and Joe,

you just did exactly what everybody at home has just done.

Everyone would have gone,

"Well, George Washington, George Bush Senior and Junior, so that's three.

"There's a long time in-between so it's got to be four or five,

"possibly six."

The answer's three.

It's just the three of them.

It would have scored 25 points.

The number of US states...

You said it changes a lot. Hasn't changed for 54 years.

-Due one, then.

-But it's 50.

Would've scored you 39 points.

The date on which annual Independence Day holiday is celebrated,

it's the 4th of July.

Big scorer, though - would've scored 73.

And the first serving president to travel outside the US,

also the first US President to travel in a motorcar and an aeroplane -

Theodore Roosevelt.

Would have scored 1 point.

Very well done if you said that at home.

OK, thank you, Richard.

The pair leaving us, but you're leaving us a bit wiser -

we're all a little bit wiser now.

We will see you next time,

and on the evidence of how you played today,

not only with your good answering but...you had the nerve to

stick with...to take some pretty good gambles there.

I think we'll expect great things when we see you back here.

Thanks very much for playing, Steve and Joe.

APPLAUSE

But, for Maitland and Andrew, it's now time for our Pointless Final.

Congratulations, you fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's who, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

You've done incredibly well.

Lovely low scoring the whole way through the show.

You have four options to choose from and here they are.

LAUGHTER

Whooppee(!)

-Which one...?

-European Politics.

Think it's worth the risk?

I know nothing about European politics.

-I'd go for...

-European politics?

-That's cos I hate all of the others.

-OK, well I won't be much help.

-No, you...

-No, go on, then. Go, go.

OK, we're going to say European Politics.

LAUGHTER

-Against my best wishes.

-And mine.

Wow. You have just...

In microcosm, that is exactly how committees work, isn't it?

That's extraordinary.

Maitland really didn't want it and Andrew really didn't want it,

so they've gone for European Politics.

Cos it can't be any worse, can it?

Well, let's find out. Richard.

It's not just how committees work,

it's how European politics works as well.

Yeah, we're looking for anything in the following three categories.

We're looking for any Prime Minister of Spain from November 1975

through to October 2013.

We're looking for any French Prime Minister from January 2000

to October 2013.

Or we're looking for any UK MEP as of October 2013, so any MEP

based in the European Parliament as a representative of the United Kingdom

in October 2013.

Very, very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

To win that jackpot all you need to do is find one pointless answer.

The answers can come from any of these categories.

It's up to you how you spread them -

they can all come from one of them, or one from each,

two from one, it's entirely down to you.

-Are you ready?

-No.

-No.

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

Your time starts now.

OK, Francois Hollande and Nicolas Sarkozy.

I think we'll have to go for UK MEP. There must be a BNP one.

-So, like, Nick Griffin.

-What, in the European Parliament?

-Yeah.

-Seriously?

-Yeah, I think he is. There's a Green...

Do the Scottish ones count?

I think there was Jenny Green or something.

-She's Green.

-Who's the head of Green Party?

-I don't know.

-Do you know a Prime Minister of Spain?

-No.

-No, I don't, either.

UK Members of the European Parliament.

There used to be Winnie Ewing years ago.

But she wouldn't be there any more now.

-Is he an MP?

-Who?

-Jacob Hogg-Rees.

-Never heard of him.

He was on Have I Got News For You. Let's go for him.

You could try that.

-Nick Griffin.

-Seriously?

-I think he is.

-Well, fair enough.

And then you can go for...

Prime ministers of France. Who was the very...as opposed to...

Ten seconds left.

Who was the very debonair one?

-Don't ask me.

-No, OK, fair enough.

Are we just doing UK members of the...? I'll say a Prime Minister.

OK, that's your time up. I now need your three answers.

Did you enjoy that round?

-Loved it, didn't you? It was the best thing we could have done.

-Yeah.

What are you going to say?

We're going to go for UK members of the European Parliament.

Two UK members.

-OK.

-And one French Prime Minister.

What are you going to say?

OK, the two UK members of Parliament,

we're going to go for Nick Griffin and Jacob Hogg-Rees.

-And Jacob Hogg-Rees?

-Jacob Hogg-Rees.

-OK.

-And what's your third answer?

-Nicolas Sarkozy.

Nicolas Sarkozy.

OK, there we are. Of those three answers,

which of those do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Mr Hogg...

-Mr Hogg-Rees.

-OK, Mr Hogg-Rees.

Sounds delicious. I've love a Hogg-Rees.

OK, we'll put Jacob Hogg-Rees last.

Which is your least likely to be...?

Well, Sarkozy, but he could have been the president,

-not the Prime Minister.

-We'll put Sarkozy first.

And then, in the middle, we'll pop Nick Griffin.

Never been in the middle before, has he?

OK, let's pop those answers up on the board in that order.

Very, very best of luck. Your first answer was Nicolas Sarkozy.

Only one of these answers has to be pointless, remember.

Let's say one of them is and you win the jackpot,

what would you do with that?

My son would probably like me to share my share with him,

but I wouldn't do that.

I think I would run off to Ascot and put it on the 2:30 or something.

Your son, Andrew, would expect to get 75%?

-At the very least.

-At the very least, yeah.

He would plead student life, you see?

OK, interesting. Good plea.

Good luck with that. Andrew, how about you?

Well, I'm going on holiday soon,

so I think I could put some of it towards that.

OK. Well, best of luck. Nicolas Sarkozy, your first answer.

We were looking for French prime ministers since 2000.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it for £1,000.

Oh, bad luck.

I'm afraid not Prime Minister.

Not a pointless answer,

which means you only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

We're now looking at UK MEPs and your second answer was Nick Griffin.

How sure are you of this?

I'm not sure, I think the BNP definitely have some MEPs.

So Nick Griffin might be one of them.

OK, let's find out. Has to be pointless to win that jackpot.

So let's see how many people named Nick Griffin as an MEP.

It's right.

It's right, Andrew.

Very well done. Your first answer, Nicolas Sarkozy, was incorrect.

Not incorrect with Nick Griffin.

Down it goes, still going down...

You've done it! Very well done!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed. Nick Griffin.

Wow.

Wow. Congratulations.

Nick Griffin was a pointless answer, which means you go home with £1,000.

Wow, very well done.

The other answer you gave, Jacob Hogg-Rees -

you're thinking of Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Who's a British MP. He's not an MEP.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

Adolfo Suarez - later went on to play for Liverpool.

Jose Maria Aznar was Prime Minister for about eight years.

All of the post-2000 French prime ministers were pointless answers,

every single one of them. Not one of them scored a single point.

Jean-Marc Ayrault is the current Prime Minister.

Also Jean-Pierre Raffarin as well, he was a pointless answer.

The members of the European Parliament, I might as well

go through the ones who scored any points at all,

cos there's 67-odd pointless answers.

The only ones that scored points - Nigel Farage, Godfrey Bloom,

Bill Newton Dunn, Derek Clark, Claude Moraes, and Alyn Smith.

Every single other MEP was a pointless answer,

so if you said your local MEP you probably just got a pointless answer.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Well, thanks to our winning pair, Maitland and Andrew,

who go away with £1,000.

Very well done indeed.

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

-to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.