Episode 41 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome

to Pointless, the game show where you're always aiming for the lowest score.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Basil.

This is my son, Giles, he's from Birmingham and I'm from West Sussex.

Couple number two.

Hello, I'm Brian and this is my daughter, Gemma

and we're from Crowthorne in Berkshire.

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Geoff and this is Patrick and we're friends from Nottingham.

Couple number four.

Hi, I'm Rachel, this is my husband, Michael,

and we're from Wandsworth in south London.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you, we'll find out more

about you throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce,

a bespectacled ball of string guiding our brave warriors

through a terrifying labyrinth of facts,

while hoping to avoid the man-eating minotaur of ignorance.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

APPLAUSE Hi, everybody. Hiya.

You would say if these weren't long enough, these introductions?

That might be the longest yet,

a new record. It's nice, though, I like it.

-OK, it'll do.

-Now, what a show last time.

Really high-quality stuff,

we got two pairs who were in it last time who very strong, Rachel and Michael,

very good but got knocked out in Round Two, that's how strong a show it was.

And Patrick and Geoff who got all the way through to their head-to-head.

But best of all, Barry and Dave, who were amazing in their final round.

-Two pointless answers, £7,500, back up to Liverpool.

-Yeah.

Good news, yeah?

But, you know, genuinely earned it,

they did terrifically well all the way through the show.

But two very strong pairs, there, on podium three and podium four.

Round One is the sort of thing that would just drive me mad,

if it came up.

It's something that some people might breeze it, but to me,

it's the sort of thing where I look at it and just go, "Oh, no."

You'll have to look up at the ceiling a couple of times

-for this next round.

-Good luck, everyone.

As usual, today's questions have been asked

to 100 people before the show and our contestants, here,

are looking for the answers that those 100 people couldn't get.

If you find a pointless answer, an answer nobody got,

we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as you've gathered, Barry and Dave won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, the pair with the highest

score at the end of the round will be eliminated

and remember there is to be no conferring during the round itself.

OK, our first category today is...

There's a collective sigh from eight people.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

Richard.

Yeah, essentially just a complicated way of saying any countries

that are ahead of the United Kingdom at 31st December.

So, any country whose time zone is ahead of the United Kingdom.

As always, by country, we mean a sovereign state that is a member of the UN in its own right.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, then, Basil and Giles, you all drew lots before the show

and today you are going to go first. Giles, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here, down from Birmingham?

-Yes.

What do you do up in Birmingham?

I work as a retail insight manager for a large retail company.

And what you do in your spare time?

My number one thing is actually spending time with my new daughter,

but my personal thing that I love doing is going to the cinema.

Lovely. That is wonderful, how young is your daughter?

-She's about 22 months at the moment.

-Wonderful, well, congratulations.

Now then, Giles, how do you feel about time zones?

I don't know, I think there's lots of answers, it's...

I'm going to guess, yes, there are.

LAUGHTER

I will say the Philippines.

The Philippines, says Giles, the Philippines.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right!

Good answer, 6!

Great start to the round, Giles, very well done.

Philippines, Rich.

Manila, the capital of the Philippines,

about eight hours ahead of London.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Brian, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here, Brian, where are you from?

-Crowthorne in Berkshire.

-That's right, and what do you do there?

I'm a procurement manager for a company close by

and I'm also a student landlord.

-That's quite fun.

-Yes...

Do you have a management company that deals with them,

or do you deal direct?

-I see. Do they like you, Brian?

-They love me.

LAUGHTER

Will they be watching now?

They don't know I'm on!

-But they might do by the time it shows.

-OK, excellent.

Now then, Brian.

How's your geography?

This is essentially a world geography question, isn't it?

Erm, I think it's going to be OK. I'm going to go for...

Western Samoa.

Western Samoa, says Brian, let's see

if Western Samoa is right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Oh, no!

Oh, Brian.

I'm afraid Western Samoa, an incorrect answer,

scores you the maximum of 100 points.

I can't go home now.

The oldest trap in the Pointless book, there, not a country,

Western Samoa, I'm afraid.

Yeah. OK, now, Geoff.

-Hello.

-Welcome back. Now, last time, head-to-head?

-Yes.

But then what happened?

Madness ensued and I just lost it, unfortunately.

-But...

-That's right, but you knew a really nice,

low-scoring a answer that would have, might have, kept you in the game,

-might have seen you through to the final.

-Indeed.

-We discovered last time, you're an artist.

-Yes.

And what do you do in your spare time?

Well, I paint as a hobby, as well,

which seems odd.

That sounds like just working full-time at being an artist.

-Different medium.

-Yeah? Oh, I see.

-Wow, so for a break from work, you paint in acrylics?

-Yes.

And also, walking, cinema...

-I see.

-The usual suspects.

-OK, now, how do you fancy your chances on geography?

-Well, not bad.

Erm, I think I'll plump for Vietnam.

Vietnam, says Geoff, let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Vietnam.

It's right!

Well, 6 is our lowest score so far.

Vietnam...

equals 6!

APPLAUSE

Well done, Geoff.

Well played, Geoff, Hanoi is seven hours ahead of London.

They have their New Year's Eve the same day as Chinese New Year,

which is 31st January in 2014.

Thanks, Richard. Rachel.

-Hi.

-Now then, it was Round Two last time, Rachel.

-It was, that pesky Florence Nightingale.

-Yeah, I know.

What do you do, Rachel, remind us?

I work for an education charity in marketing and fundraising.

That's right, and what do you like getting up to?

In my spare time, I'm a big foodie and I'm also really into crafts,

so I do a lot of crochet and some more unusual crafts.

What are the more unusual ones?

So, we have a cat that we both dote on and we talk about him so much

that my sister-in-law bought me a book called Crafting With Cat Hair.

But the... Yeah!

But the joke was on her because I made her something first.

-Out of cat hair?

-Yes.

-From your cat?

-Yes.

-How much of that had been spat up by your cat? None of it.

-OK.

-It was all harvested, cleanly, with a brush.

-Harvested?

It's a good word, isn't it?

It is, isn't it? But there's not a lot of fur on a cat.

-Is it very long furred?

-He's very fluffy. OK.

Or he was very fluffy.

-Yeah, he's a bit...bald patches, now.

-Bit threadbare, now.

OK, now then, Rachel, how's your world geography? We'll discover.

Yeah, geography is not my strongest subject,

-but I think I've got an answer.

-OK.

I'm going to go for Kazakhstan.

Kazakhstan, says Rachel, Kazakhstan, let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Very well done, it's right!

Now then, 6 is the lowest we've gone so far,

I wonder if Kazakhstan

will take us below that...

Oh! You've equalled 6.

APPLAUSE

-Very well done.

-Well played, Rachel.

Astana is six hours ahead of us,

obviously we're looking at 31st December here,

but their New Year is the date of the spring equinox.

That's the Kazakh New Year.

Thanks very much, Richard.

We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores, only two scores between the four pairs, 6, 6 and 6.

So very well done, Giles and Basil, Geoff and Patrick

and Rachel and Michael, all on 6, all looking equally strong.

I'm sorry, Brian and Gemma, there you are on 100. Now, Gemma,

who knows what might happen?

But if there is a scenario in which you will go through,

it will involve you scoring five or less...

-OK!

-..and one of these fine people scoring 100.

That's the only way I can see it happening.

Best of luck, we're going to come back down the line,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

-OK, now, Michael. Welcome back.

-Hello.

Welcome back. Now, remind us what you do, Michael?

I work in sales and marketing.

But we also discovered last time that you and Rachel

run a quiz night for a film quiz.

-That's right.

-How long have you done that for?

Erm, while Rachel actually founded it, I think,

six or seven years ago?

And I've been involved since we met five years ago.

How do you feel about time zones?

It's not one of my stronger suits, but...

I was actually thinking along the same lines as Rachel.

So I'm going to say Turkmenistan.

Turkmenistan, Rachel likes that.

If it can score you 93 or less,

you are definitely through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Turkmenistan.

There's your red line.

It's right! You're through.

Let's see if we can break this 6 thing.

4! You've broken the 6 thing.

Well done, Michael, takes your total up to a nice round 10.

APPLAUSE

Well played, very good work on podium four, Ashgabat

is the capital of Turkmenistan, it's five hours ahead of London.

They celebrate New Year's Eve on the same day we do.

Do you know, by coincidence,

you have been counting down the hours to London,

with each successive correct answer?

Yeah, it's gone eight, seven, six, five, hasn't it?

-Do you think we can keep that up?

-Four, three, two...

-That would be awesome.

-Wouldn't it?

-Yeah. That would be awesome.

Thanks very much, OK. Now,

Patrick, welcome back. Remind us what you do, Patrick?

I'm a retired psychology teacher.

But also mad keen on the am dram?

Yes, one of the things I like to do.

-I'm also in an organisation called the U3A.

-Oh, are you?

Yes, the University of the Third Age,

particularly the wine tasting group.

That is one of the best faculties of the U3A, I'd have thought.

Do you get together with all the other wine faculty people?

No, we just drink wine together happily.

You taste wine, you don't drink wine, right?

No, we drink it.

Do you eat...do you eat those table water crackers between sips?

-Yes, loads of those.

-Yeah! Very good.

OK, there you are on 6.

Again, you need 93 or less, Patrick.

I was thinking of going down the same kind of route as podium four,

but I think I'll go for the newest country, which is South Sudan.

South Sudan, South Sudan says Patrick.

Here's your red line.

Let's see if you can get below that, also lets see

if you can find a nice new low score for us.

4 is our current low score. South Sudan, how many people said it?

You're through!

There we are, very well done indeed, Patrick, a pointless answer,

that adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £1,250.

It scores you nothing and it leaves your total at an impeccably low 6.

Very well done, indeed, Patrick.

Well done, Patrick, all we need now is for

Juba, the capital of South Sudan, to be four hours ahead of London.

-Is it?

-It's three hours, what are you doing?

-Oh, no!

Take the money back! Money back, money back!

Thanks very much indeed, now, Gemma.

But Gemma, it's beginning to look quite ominous, this, isn't it?

This inconvenient number on your podium, there.

100, it says.

Gemma, welcome to the show, it's lovely of you

to bring your dad along.

-What do you do?

-I'm a freelance designer.

-What kind of things do you design?

-I specialise in printed interiors.

And when you're not doing that, what do you like to get up to?

I'm quite sporty, I'm very active, I row for my local rowing club,

I studied in Cornwall, so I surf a lot, too. So, yeah.

How's your world geography, Gemma?

I'm not great, but we'll see.

-The proof is in the pudding.

-OK.

I'm going to go for...

..I may as well say, Belarus?

Belarus, says Gemma, Belarus.

No red line for you, you're the high scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Belarus.

It's right.

Well done.

You're welcome.

-3, Gemma!

-APPLAUSE

-There you go.

-That could be good enough,

103 is your total.

-Yeah.

-You're still potentially in the game.

And that's three hours ahead of London, as well,

so we are, actually going in the...

we haven't gone backwards in time, at any point.

We haven't invented a time vortex, yet.

Thanks. Now then, Basil, welcome, great to have you here.

-Where are you from, Basil?

-From Burgess Hill in Sussex.

Don't even...don't even start.

No, we've talked about this before, Basil and I, it's fine.

-There's an entente.

-Really?

The Haywards Heath/Burgess Hill rivalry.

Do you know what? I know why it's suspended,

because they are Fulham season ticket holders.

They are, exactly, that, to me,

it was like the pH was perfectly balanced, there.

So he's from Burgess Hill, so we had a nice...

-So we were about to have a fight...

-I saw you squaring up!

..about which is better, Haywards Heath or Burgess Hill,

which is Haywards Heath, but then Basil mentioned he was a Fulham fan,

so we talked about that instead.

-And that's nice, it brings people together.

-It does.

Interestingly, Burgess Hill is 15 years behind Haywards Heath in its time zone.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much. Now, Basil, how is your geography?

You have to score 96 or less to stay in the game.

If you can do it with a place that is only two hours

ahead of London, that would be wonderful.

I'm going to say Nepal.

Nepal, says Basil.

Nepal.

Let's see if Nepal's right and if it is, let's see how

many of our 100 people said Nepal, there's your red line, Basil.

It's right, and you're through.

Very well done indeed!

2 for Nepal takes your total up to 8.

APPLAUSE

Worth waiting for, Basil.

Well played, Basil, it's a terrific answer.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers, there's loads of them.

There's absolutely loads, a lot of African countries, as well.

Bahrain, Botswana, Burundi - all of those would have been pointless.

Our old friend, the Democratic republic of Congo, Equatorial Guinea,

Liechtenstein, that would have been...

Liechtenstein would have been one or two hours ahead of us.

You could have had Andorra, Angola, Benin, Cameroon, Chad, Comoros, Eritrea, Ethiopia,

Gabon, Kuwait, Lesotho, Malawi, Mauritius, Monaco, Tunisia,

Uganda, UAE, Zambia, Zimbabwe, there's hundreds and hundreds.

Well, not hundreds, that's ridiculous,

there's not hundreds and hundreds of countries.

But there's lots and lots of pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the top-scoring answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

I think lots of us have relatives in Australia,

so we're very aware of how far ahead or behind they are.

Thanks very much indeed.

At the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home

with a high score of 103, I'm sorry, Brian and Gemma,

it is you.

Oh, dear, Western Samoa, Brian, it's done for you.

It was a very low-scoring round, that, though.

Look, only just into double figures with Michael and Rachel, there.

But, yeah, and a fantastic low-scorer from you,

-Gemma, let us not forget.

-Thanks!

Good news is, though, we will see you again

next time, we will look forward to that.

But in the meantime, thanks very much for playing, Gemma and Brian!

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

So, three pairs remain.

Obviously, at the end of this round, we will be saying goodbye to

another pair in time for our head-to-head round.

Very well done, Patrick and Geoff, not only our lowest-scoring

pair, but also, Patrick, you had a pointless answer, so very well done.

The bar has been set high, or low?

I'm not quite sure how we put that, but the bar has been set,

anyway, one way or another.

Very, very best of luck to all three pairs,

our category for Round Two today is...

Can you decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

On each pass, we're going to show you the names of six

UK top 40 singles which have the word mama or papa in their title.

We need you to tell us who had a hit with them in the year shown.

There's going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home, so best of luck.

We're looking for the acts who had hits in the years

shown with these songs featuring the words mama and papa.

Here's our first board of six.

I'll read those all one last time...

There we are. Six tracks with mama or papa in their title, Giles.

Erm...

I will go for Mama Do The Hump, which I believe is Rizzle Kicks.

Rizzle Kicks, says Giles, for Mama Do The Hump and if it's right,

let's see how many people said it.

It is Rizzle Kicks.

-15.

-Well done, Giles.

APPLAUSE

15 for Rizzle Kicks, very well done.

Number 2 hit from 2011, there.

-I'm not sure I'll ever tire of saying the word Rizzle Kicks.

-It's great.

-It's a great name, isn't it?

-Isn't it? Now then, Geoff.

Geoff, are you happy with our selection of mamas and papas here?

Erm, I think I've heard most of them,

-but I'm not entirely sure of the artists involved.

-Yeah.

That's the trouble.

Erm, I'm going to go for...

Take Your Mama, and

Scissor Sisters.

Scissor Sisters, says Geoff, Take Your Mama,

let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

-20.

-Happy.

-Very good.

APPLAUSE

20 for Scissor Sisters.

-Richard.

-From 2004, well played, Geoff.

-Do you remember when we met the Scissor Sisters?

-Yeah!

They were lovely, weren't they? What a nice bunch.

I couldn't believe they were sisters.

LAUGHTER

I know. Rachel. Rachel, you're the last person to have this board.

Do you fancy talking us through it?

Oh, I'm not sure I can.

I don't know what Mama is, I don't know who did that.

I think Mama Told Me Not To Come is Tom Jones,

Papa Loves Mambo, I think might have been Dean Martin.

I only know Tom Jones and I think that will be really high, anyway,

so I'm going to have a bash at Dean Martin for Papa Loves Mambo.

Papa Loves Mambo, Dean Martin, says Rachel.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Dean Martin.

Oh, no, bad luck!

Sorry!

Bad luck, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

scores you the maximum of 100 points.

Sorry, Rachel, it is a crooner, but it's Perry Como, I'm afraid.

Argh!

Would have scored you one point as well, would have been terrific.

Dean Martin did Mambo Italiano.

-Oh, that's what... Yeah.

-Exactly.

And if you'd said Tom Jones for Mama Told Me Not To Come,

it would have been a right answer, would have scored 33 points.

Tom Jones and the Stereophonics, but we would have taken Tom Jones.

Mama, up the top, well done if you said Mama by Dave Berry,

because you just got yourself a pointless answer.

Terrific work. Papa Was A Rollin' Stone...

Thanks very much, Richard. We're halfway through the round,

let's take a look at those scores.

Very well done, Giles on 15 there, that puts you

and your father in a strong position,

then up to 20 where we find Geoff and Patrick

and then we travel up to 100, Rachel and Michael.

Who knows what the next board's going to be like?

Michael, you will get the first bite at it, so use it well.

We're going to come back down the line, now,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more mamas and papas songs up on the board

and here they are.

I'll read those all one last time...

Now, remember, we're looking for the acts who had hits in the years

shown with these songs.

Michael, you're going to try to find the lowest scorer on that board.

-OK.

-How do you find that board?

Erm, not great. There's one I definitely know

and one I think I know.

So, I'm going to say

Papa's Got A Brand New Bag,

James Brown.

James Brown, Papa's Got A Brand New Bag, let's see

if that's right, no red line for you, as you're the highest scorer.

But let's see how many people said James Brown.

It's absolutely right.

20!

APPLAUSE

120.

Well played, Michael, still in it by the skin of your teeth.

James Brown And The Famous Flames, it was their first ever top 40 hit.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Patrick.

How are you feeling about this board?

There's only one I know, erm...

I thought it was James Brown for Papa's Got A Brand New Bag,

but because of the situation we're in,

I'm going to go for Madonna, Papa Don't Preach.

Papa Don't Preach, Madonna. You have to score 99 or less.

If you can do that, you're in the head-to-head.

There's your red line, let's see how many people said Madonna.

It's right.

87.

That's good enough, though.

APPLAUSE

107 is your total, you are in the head-to-head.

Her second number 1 single... that's damage limitation,

it's all you had to do, Patrick, well played.

Thanks very much. Now then, Basil, good news,

you are through to the head-to-head.

Even if you score 100 points, you won't overtake the high score of Michael and Rachel.

Having said that, do you want to take us through the board?

I would if I could, but I can't.

I haven't got any idea about any of them,

so I'll have to have a guess that the last one and say that was...

I don't know, the Eagles.

Mama Never Told Me, the Eagles, no red line, let's see

if it's right, though, how many people said the Eagles if it is?

An incorrect answer, scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to 115.

Actually, really quite close scores

in the end, but you are through.

Yes, a killer board, that one, Basil, I have to say.

Look Mama is a pointless answer

and it was a top 10 single for Howard Jones.

Mama Never Told Me, it wasn't the Eagles,

it was Sister Sledge.

Very well done if you survived that round.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard,

at the end of our second round, the pair who are heading home

with a high score of 120, it's Michael and Rachel.

Oh, I'm sorry, that was a tough, tough board.

Papa Loves Mambo, when you said Dean Martin, I was thinking,

"Oh, I think that's right!" I was sure it was Dean Martin.

I thought it was, and I thought Tom Jones would be really high, so...

-Never mind.

-Oh, sorry.

Anyway, it's been lovely having you on the show, I'm sorry

we have to say goodbye to you now, but thanks so much for playing.

-Michael and Rachel.

-Thank you!

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Patrick and Geoff, Basil and Giles,

you are now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at £1,250.

Now, we have to decide who's going to play for that money

and to do that, you are now going to go head-to-head.

The difference is, you're now allowed to confer as a pair and the

first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

I think this is going to be very, very close indeed, Patrick

and Geoff, you've been here before, you were head-to-headers last time.

But you are up against Basil and Giles, they were very,

very close to you, particularly in that first round.

So, yes, I think now you can both confer,

this will be extremely tight.

Best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head!

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

We're going to see five pictures of famous people now,

all of them have a name, a first name or a surname,

that appears in the title of a Charles Dickens novel.

Can you tell us the title of that novel, please?

Thanks very much indeed, let's reveal our five famous people,

and here they come. We've got...

There we are, five famous people who share one of their names with

the title of a Charles Dickens novel.

Now, Patrick and Geoff, you've played best throughout the show

so far, so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We're going to go for E, Little Dorrit.

Little Dorrit, say Patrick and Geoff for E. Little Dorrit.

Now, Basil and Giles, do you want to talk us through

the rest of the board and supply the answers?

Erm, well, I think A is Nicholas Lyndhurst,

so I guess that's Nicholas Nickleby.

Jamie Oliver, Oliver Twist.

C is Martin Freeman, but I can't put my hand on the Dickens novel

at the moment and D, I think, is Edwin van der Sar,

I think the book is The Mystery of Edwin Drood.

Martin Chuzzlewit is C.

-Martin Chuzzlewit might be the better answer.

-Yeah.

-Martin Chuzzlewit?

-Yeah.

-Martin Chuzzlewit, for C.

OK, C, Martin Chuzzlewit.

So, we have Little Dorrit and Martin Chuzzlewit, Patrick and Geoff said Little Dorrit.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

Oh, very well done, 11.

APPLAUSE

11 for Little Dorrit.

Now then, Basil and Giles have said C, Martin Chuzzlewit,

let's see if that's right and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Martin Chuzzlewit.

It's right.

23 for Martin Chuzzlewit.

APPLAUSE

Well done, Patrick and Geoff, after one question, you are up 1-0.

Yeah, Sid Little and Martin Freeman, there.

Now, gents, Basil and Giles, you did the hard work of recognising

Edwin van der Sar, of course, played for Fulham for many seasons.

What we know about Edwin van der Sar?

Always trust him.

Always trust Edwin van der Sar, he won't let you down

and he wouldn't have let you down here,

because he'd have won you the point.

It is The Mystery Of Edwin Drood and it would have been 5 points,

best answer on the board.

We've heard the other two, Nicholas Nickleby,

that's Nicholas Lyndhurst, of course, would have scored you 41.

Jamie Oliver Twist would have scored you 50.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard, so, here comes your second question.

Basil and Giles, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

Best of luck. It concerns...

Yeah, I was trying to work out what would be more exciting, a round about

Evel Knievel or a round about William Hague and I went with William Hague.

We're going to show you five clues

to facts about William Hague, can you give us the most obscure answer?

Thanks very much indeed, let's reveal our five clues,

and here they come.

I'll read those all one last time.

Basil and Giles will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We're going to go with the first Cabinet position,

Secretary of State for Wales.

Secretary of State for Wales, say Basil and Giles.

Now then, Patrick and Geoff.

-OK.

-The board is all yours.

Right, I'm not sure about the leader,

we think he made his first speech at the age of 16,

he lost to Tony Blair,

we don't know the name of his wife...

Erm, we're going to go for the age. We'll say he was 16.

16, when he addressed the Tory conference for the first time.

OK, so Basil and Giles have said Secretary of State for Wales,

let's see if that's right and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

Very well done, indeed. 3 for that.

Nice one.

APPLAUSE

Patrick and Geoff, meanwhile, have said he was aged 16

when he made his first speech at a Tory conference, let's see

if that is right and let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

17.

Well done, Basil and Giles, back in the game after two questions,

it's 1-1.

Yes, the best answer on the board, you knew the best answer on

the last board, you actually gave us the best answer this time.

Now, succeeded this politician, they had a lot of leaders in

quick succession, the Tories, he actually succeeded John Major.

Lost to Tony Blair, as you say.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Here comes your third question, the decider,

whoever wins this goes through to the final

and plays for the jackpot, best of luck to both pairs.

It concerns...

LAUGHTER

-Richard?

-Oh, you know what? We've done Dickens,

haven't we? We've done Tory politics, it's been a terrific

head-to-head, generally, you've both been great pairs.

What better way to decide it than with the coin toss

that is five S Club 7 singles, but only in initial form?

OK, can you unscramble these, can you work out the most obscure

S Club 7 single? I genuinely wish both teams the very best of luck.

Thanks very much, indeed.

Let's reveal our five S Club 7 singles, and here they come.

I'll read those all one last time.

Patrick and Geoff will go first.

It's been lovely being here.

We've really enjoyed it.

Erm, well, not really a clue at all,

so this really is a toss of a coin.

THEY WHISPER

-Try that, yeah.

-It's all I can think of.

What about...

Don't Stop Me, 2001?

Don't Stop Me, 2001, say Patrick and Geoff.

Now, Basil and Giles.

I was going to go for the same one,

but I think it's something different.

I think it's Don't Stop Moving.

Don't Stop Moving, say Basil and Giles, Don't Stop Moving.

Patrick and Geoff have gone for Don't Stop Me,

let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

Oh, it's not right, which means, Basil and Giles, you merely have

to be correct with Don't Stop Moving and you are through to the final.

Let's see if you are right.

You're right! Very well done, through you go.

35.

APPLAUSE

-Good luck, boys.

-What a rotten category!

35, which means, Basil and Giles, after three questions,

you're through to the final, 2-1.

Terrific work, Basil and Giles, very well played.

Unlucky, guys, it's a tough last question to have.

Four of these singles were number 1

and the other one was number 2, so they were very, very big,

S Club 7.

BIAB is Bring It All Back. That would have scored you...

Two In A Million, that was their number 2 single,

they were slipping.

I love the fact we've got an S Club 7 round

and we don't even have Reach For The Stars on it.

-That's how obscure we're getting.

-It's great, it's good.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

Patrick and Geoff, well, congratulations,

you've been head-to-headers in both appearances on Pointless

and you went from being the highest scorers to the lowest scorers

which was excellent, a really strong performance

in this head-to-head, that could have gone either way, the coin toss.

Even getting down just one song, both of you could

just about go for one

and Basil and Giles, as it turns out, got it right.

But Patrick and Geoff, we've loved having you here, thanks so much for playing.

Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Basil and Giles, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Basil and Giles,

you fought off all the competition

and you've won the coveted Pointless trophy, so very well done.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,250.

Well, you've done very well. A triumph for Burgess Hill.

A triumph for Fulham.

Actually, it would have been a quicker triumph for Fulham

if you had gone with Edwin van der Sar.

You should have had more faith in Giles, Basil!

-I should.

-What would you like to see come up this round?

-Probably sport, personally, or movies.

-Or American history.

-Or American history. OK. Well, Basil, listen to Giles.

-I will.

Now, as always, you get to choose your category,

here are your four options.

They are...

When I said movies and sport, that wasn't quite what I meant.

LAUGHTER

-Elizabeth II?

-Elizabeth II's reign.

-Elizabeth II's reign it is, Richard.

OK, very best of luck, guys. We've got three different options now.

We're looking for the name of anyone who has been Pope

during the reign of Elizabeth II

so from February 1952 all the way through to August 2013.

So any Pope, head of the British Army, or Governor of the Bank of England

during the reign of Elizabeth II.

Very, very best of luck.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers and all you need

to win that jackpot is to find just one pointless answer among them.

The answers you provide can come from any of these categories

and how you spread them across the categories is entirely down to you.

They could all be Popes,

they could be Banks of England, or there could be one from each,

-it's entirely up to you how you spread them. Are you ready?

-Yes.

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock, there they are.

Your time starts now.

Popes, John XXIII, John Paul I, John Paul II, Paul VI.

-We can go with a couple of those.

-Yeah.

-Army? I've got no idea.

Mike Jackson, I think, it's the only one I can think of.

He was the head of the British Army? OK.

-Governors, Eddie George,

-Eddie George,

-who was before then,

-going back a bit, I can't remember.

-No, I don't remember.

You'd have to go older to get any decent one there.

-Well, let's go with two popes and Mike Jackson.

-Yeah.

So let's go with Paul VI, people forget about him,

and let's go with John XXIII.

Yeah, OK.

-OK, you're happy?

-Yeah.

-We will stop the clock.

Very well done indeed. So, what are your three answers going to be?

-Paul VI.

-Paul VI.

-John XXIII.

-John XXIII.

-And?

-General Mike Jackson.

And General Mike Jackson.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Paul VI.

-Paul VI. Your least likely to be pointless?

-John...

-General Mike Jackson, unfortunately.

General Mike Jackson we'll put first

and the other fellow, we'll put in the middle.

OK, let's pop those up on the board in that order and here they are.

We've got...

Well, very, very best of luck. Three very good answers up there.

Now, only one of these answers has to be pointless, remember,

for you to win that jackpot of £1,250.

If you were to win it, Basil, what would you do with your split?

Spend it on the grandchildren.

Very good. Giles?

I'm hopeless at DIY, so I'd probably get someone in to finish

off those bits and bobs around the house.

-That you've half-done?

-Absolutely.

-OK.

You want to see it, too, I've seen 'em half-done.

OK, best of luck.

In the first case, we were looking for heads of the British Army

and you've gone for General Sir Mike Jackson.

Let's see if that's right, if it is right and if it's pointless,

it will win you that jackpot.

So, for £1,250, let's see if it's pointless.

Well, it's a correct answer.

If this goes all the way down to zero, you leave here with £1,250.

Down it goes, through the teens into single figures,

down it goes...

-3 for Mike Jackson.

-It was a good try, a very good try.

APPLAUSE

That is a great answer, lovely low score, unfortunately, we are

only interested in pointless answers in this final round,

so not a pointless answer.

Only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer is John XXIII, in this case

we were looking for Popes during the reign of Queen Elizabeth II.

Again, this has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot,

so for £1,250, let's see how many people said John XXIII.

It's right.

Your first answer was Mike Jackson which took us

all the way down to 3.

John XXIII, now taking us down through the teens into

single figures, still going down...

2!

-APPLAUSE

-2...for John XXIII.

Now, moving in the right direction, this is all very, very promising.

Only one more shot at today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on your third and final answer, Paul VI.

Now, Basil, you said everyone always forgets Paul VI, poor Paul VI.

I'm delighted that we're remembering him today.

Obviously, this has to be correct and it has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot,

so for £1,250, let's see how many people said Paul VI.

Is it a pointless answer?

It's right. So your first answer, Mike Jackson, took us down to 3.

Your second answer, John XXIII, took us down to 2.

Paul VI, your third answer,

is now taking us down through the single figures...

You've done it! Very well done, indeed!

APPLAUSE

Brilliant answer, very well done. Excellent.

Well, congratulations, Paul VI was a pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £1,250.

But even better than that, you ordered it so perfectly.

You put them in the right order - we had 3, then down to 2,

and then down to pointless.

So, double congratulations.

Wait till I tell my parish priest, he'll love that.

Very well done, Basil and Giles, fantastic winners, there.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, gents, very well played.

You played brilliantly from the start, great to see a couple of Fulham fans winning.

As you enjoy spending that money, spending it on the grandkids

and the DIY, you must remember that it's all down to Giles's

-S Club 7 knowledge.

-Absolutely!

-You mustn't ever forget.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers

in the different categories, only two Popes up there.

For the heads of the British Army, I'll just go through

the people who did score points, there's a lot of heads,

but only Mike Jackson and Richard Dannatt scored any points at all,

so if you said any others, very well played.

And let's take a look at the Governors of the Bank of England.

There's a couple of names you'll recognise, here.

Gordon Richardson was there during the '70s and '80s.

Robin Leigh-Pemberton followed him.

Very, very well done if you got any of those at home.

Congratulations in the studio.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Well, thanks once again to our winning players,

Basil and Giles, who go away with today's jackpot of £1,250,

very well done.

Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure

knowledge to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile,

it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

APPLAUSE