Episode 29 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello.

I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the aim of the game

is to find the most obscure answer possible.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hello. I'm Irene and this is my sister Elspeth.

We're originally from Liverpool,

but we now live in Easton in Gordano, near Bristol.

Fantastic. Couple number two.

Hello. I'm Laurie. This is Ross. And we're friends from Falkirk.

Couple number three.

Hi. I'm Mandy and this is my partner, Dave.

We've come from Wantage.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi. I'm Ryan, and this is my Pointless girlfriend, Sarah,

and we're from Burnley, in Lancashire.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's the cowboy builder of trivia,

knocking a few walls through in your brain,

littering it with useless facts,

then scarpering in an untaxed Bedford Rascal.

It's my Pointless friend - it's Rich.

Hiya. Hey, everybody. Hiya.

APPLAUSE

-How are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

Oh, that was a high-risk introduction from Ryan, wasn't it?

-Yeah. Ooh!

-Blimey. Good luck with that.

-You'd better put on a good performance.

-Yeah, I know.

I have to say, you've only got one returning pair from the last show, Mandy and Dave.

Welcome back. You got through to Round Two.

Hopefully see a bit more of them today.

-A lovely jackpot win last time.

-Wasn't that lovely?

-On musicals.

-Yeah.

-Zoe and Jane. Wasn't it? Did ever so well.

Round One today should be fun. There's some proper obscure answers.

Some very easy answers,

but there are some proper, good obscure answers up there as well.

Good. Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Now, we've asked every question on Pointless

to 100 people before the show.

As ever, the aim of the game is to find a pointless answer,

that being an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As you'll have gathered, Jane and Zoe won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off at £1,000.

There it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

OK, now, the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

That's how it works.

Do everything you can to make sure you are not that pair.

Our first category today is...

..Global Politics.

Glob... There are some obscure answers in there, I bet, yeah.

Global Politics.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

..World Leaders And Their Countries.

World Leaders And Their Countries. Richard?

We're going to show you a board of 15 faces now.

We need you to tell us which countries they are heads of state of

as of March 2014.

So, you're going to see 15 faces.

You just need to give us any country that any of these people

is the head of state of, or the head of government.

As always, by "country",

we mean a sovereign state that is a member of the UN in its own right.

Thanks very much indeed.

As Richard said, we are going to show you 15 faces -

quite literally 15 HEADS of state.

They will remain on that board throughout the round.

We'll go up the line and then come back down.

They won't be changing halfway through the round.

You just have to name any country of which those heads of state are head.

OK, let's reveal the image, and here it comes. We've got this.

There they are.

OK.

Now, Elspeth, great to have you here.

Now, you grew up in Liverpool. When did you leave Liverpool?

When I went to university, when I was 18.

-So, Liverpool in the '60s?

-Yes.

-Oh, that must have been exciting.

-It was. It was good fun.

Were you there? Were you there for all that?

I was there when it happened. Yep.

-Wow.

-And I knew Paul McCartney.

Um...used to go to school with him on the bus.

-Wow!

-And he was actually a bit of a prat.

LAUGHTER

Why? What did he do?

Well, I used to go to school on the bus with him

and we had to wear berets - we went to a very strict school -

and he grabbed it and chucked it out of the window,

so I had to get off and go back and get it,

and miss the next bus to go back and be late for school.

The message there is, if you're ever bullied and someone steals your hat,

get them to autograph it straight afterwards.

LAUGHTER

-That's right.

-Um, Elspeth? Heads of state.

Well, I think I know a few, but I'm not quite sure of a country or two,

so I'm going to go safe

and I'm going to go for Germany, for Angela Merkel.

OK, Germany, says Elspeth. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Germany.

-70 for Germany.

-Oh! A lot!

APPLAUSE

It's a big score, but it's better than 100. Richard?

It is a big score. Yeah, there she is, Angela Merkel, on the second row.

She's got a PhD in physics as well, Angela Merkel.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

-Now, then, Laurie. Welcome to the show. Here from Falkirk.

-Yep.

What do you get up to in Falkirk? What do you do?

Er, well, there's not a whole lot to do, really, in Falkirk,

but in my time, I just go to the cinema, read, go running,

computer games, things like that.

You're an ace computer gamer, aren't you?

Yeah. On a racing game in particular, yeah, Mario Kart.

You're the Scottish champion, aren't you?

Well, I won the Scottish female heats,

and then that got me a place down to compete in Birmingham

against the rest of the UK.

But I didn't win that, so...

What did you get? What was your trophy?

I got a little Shell Cup, and a year's supply of free games as well.

-Oh, that's good. A year's supply.

-Yeah, happy with that.

Yeah, yeah. Do people covet the little cup?

Is that a coveted trophy at all?

I think you can buy it if you've got points, so it's not that coveted.

-Not that coveted at all, no.

-But it's special to me.

Anyway, listen, Laurie. World leaders are waiting for us.

Yeah, erm...

This is not a great round for me.

Um...the person on the top left looks a bit like Christine Bleakley,

but obviously it can't be.

-CHUCKLING

-Anything's possible!

I'm going to... If I get this wrong, it'll be pretty bad,

but I'm going to go for North Korea.

North Korea, says Laurie. Let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said North Korea.

Well, it's right. 70 is our highest score at this point.

North Korea goes beyond that. 55. Well done.

APPLAUSE

A new low.

Yeah, there he is, the Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un.

-He looks fun, doesn't he?

-Well, he looks great.

He came on Pointless Celebrities. He was a lot of fun.

-LAUGHTER

-He was brilliant!

-Wasn't he? He came on with Bobby Davro, uh...

-Yeah.

They went out first round, but he still won the final.

-He was great fun.

-Yeah.

-Hi, Kim, if you're watching.

What do you mean, "if"?

-Yeah, exactly.

-Yeah.

-Mandy, welcome back.

-Thanks.

-Welcome back.

Now, remind us what you do.

I'm a doctor, and I help as part of a team to care for adult patients

who come to hospital with medical problems.

OK, and what are your interests outside that?

I really like walking, and Dave and I usually get out each weekend

and walk the Cotswolds or the Ridgeway.

Do you have a special... one of those walking sticks,

those sort of lightweight aluminium ones?

We actually share them, so we use them

if we're going through brambles or down muddy slopes.

-We don't power walk...

-You don't power walk?

You know, the Nordic walking thing.

I always respect a walker who has a stick like that.

I think, "Whoa. They walk. They walk."

Anyway, now, Mandy, Mandy, all these world leaders.

Some of them are really obvious.

I was actually thinking of North Korea, and that's gone.

I think I'll play safe.

I'm going to go for Afghanistan for the first person.

You're going for Afghanistan? OK, let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's absolutely right.

-APPLAUSE

-37, Mandy.

A very good safe. Our lowest score so far.

Another good answer. That's Hamid Karzai,

who was the first popularly elected president of Afghanistan in 2004.

Thanks very much. OK, now, Sarah.

-Hello.

-Sarah, welcome to the show. Great to have you here.

What do you do, Sarah?

I study English language and French at Lancaster University.

"Pointless girlfriend". That's what Ryan said.

-Yeah, you can take that two ways, can't you?

-Yeah. Yes.

-Well, yes. Let's see. Maybe...

-Yeah, it's not that way!

..this board might be your moment to shine.

What are your interests, Sarah?

Uh, I like going to the cinema. Um...

I don't really want to say cinema,

because then if cinema comes up and I don't get an answer...

No, but "going to the cinema" is different to saying "film".

"Film" suggests that you study Halliwell's

and stroke your chin a lot.

-Yeah. And I don't even get that.

-CHUCKLING

OK. Sarah, what are you going to go for on this board?

I'm going to go for...

..one of only two that I know that's left - Francois Hollande, France.

-OK. France, says Sarah.

-Yeah.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said France.

Well, 70's our high.

You're past that. 37's our low.

45, you get. Well done.

-Second-lowest score of the pass.

-APPLAUSE

Good work, Sarah.

Yeah, Francois Hollande,

the first Socialist president of France for two decades.

-That is the worst pose of the lot, isn't it?

-Do you think?

Perhaps he's saying, "I've invented a tiny invisible pencil. Take a look."

LAUGHTER

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

37 was the best score of that pass.

Very well done, Mandy - safe. That was a great answer.

Then up to 45, where we find Sarah and Ryan,

then up to 55, where we find Laurie and Ross,

and then up to 70,

Elspeth and Irene.

You're the high scorers at the moment,

-but, Irene, I have great faith in you.

-Do you?

I'm sure you'll find a nice low-scoring one.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. We are looking for countries of which these people are the leaders,

as of March 2014.

Ryan, a warm welcome to you to Pointless.

What do you do, Ryan?

I'm a student at Northumbria University.

I'm studying English literature.

Very... Some strong English over there on that last podium.

You've got to be hoping for some fiction or literature

to come up, surely.

What are your interests outside of literature?

Well, I do watch a lot of film.

-Film will probably come up and do me over now, so...

-("Do me over"!)

I watch a lot of football. I'm a big Burnley fan.

OK, well, listen, Sarah has set you up very nicely there.

45 - second-lowest score of the round.

What are you thinking of this board?

I'm thinking...I know two for definite that are left.

I know a few more.

And there's one I could guess at, but I'm just not going to,

because Sarah did a brilliant answer, which I didn't even know,

so I'm going to say Russia, for Vladimir Putin.

Russia, says Ryan. There's your red line.

If you get below that red line, you're definitely in Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Russia.

It's right.

68.

APPLAUSE

Recognisable man on the world stage there,

but that takes your total up to 113.

I would hope that's enough to keep you in the game.

Yeah, there he is, bottom left, Vladimir Putin.

-Another very funny guy.

-Isn't he?

He came on with Su Pollard, didn't he? He got through to the...

They got through to the head-to-head and they...

Oh, just! Cos, yeah...

They just lost out on Northumbrian Castles, didn't they?

-Erm, OK.

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Now, Dave.

-Hello.

Welcome back. Now, remind us what you do, Dave.

I work for a software company

and I look after the tech support function.

-That's absolutely right. Up in Oxford?

-Yes, that's right.

And you commute up there from Wantage?

How far is that commute, Dave?

It's a nice, easy drive. It's a 25-minute drive now.

Do you go anywhere near my favourite place in...?

It's a place called Kingston Bagpuize.

If I took a little detour, I'd go through Kingston Bagpuize.

Oh, it's nice to go through Kingston Bagpuize.

Anyway, listen, there you are. You're on 37.

The high scorers on 113 are Ryan and Sarah.

If you can score 75 or less,

you're in the next round.

Yeah, it's a difficult decision, this,

because I know one answer up there,

but I suspect it will score more than 75.

So I do have to decide, do I take the obvious answer,

or do I go for one I'm just not sure of?

So I think I'll go for the one I'm not sure of.

So I will go with Ireland.

Ireland, says Dave. Let's see.

Now, there is your red line. If you get below that with Ireland, you're safe and sound.

Let's see how many people said Ireland.

It's right.

And you are through. Very well done indeed.

-What about that? 7!

-APPLAUSE

Takes you up to 44.

Very good answer.

Just out of interest, which one do you think is...?

I can't remember the guy's name. Second from left on the middle row.

Yeah, that's the head of the Irish government, Enda Kenny.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Ross.

-Hello.

-Welcome to the show.

What do you do, Ross?

I'm a housing officer at the local council in Falkirk.

And what do you do in your spare time? What are your hobbies, Ross?

Very keen on sport.

I used to play a lot of football, but not any more, unfortunately.

Um, I play squash, um, badminton.

Ultimate Frisbee when the summer's on. So...

Have you seen that brilliant clip - you've probably seen it -

of the guy throwing the frisbee from the bridge,

and the guy in the speedboat catching it?

-Yeah.

-Oh, it's amazing.

-Oh, fantastic!

-It's really good.

-We've all tried that this year.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

Across the Firth of Forth?

Yeah, straight off the Forth Road Bridge onto the boat. Easy.

Now, Ross, there you are. You're on 55.

The high scorers still Ryan and Sarah on 113.

57 or less gets you through.

It's getting a little bit harder now, isn't it?

Yeah. I'm thinking about going very safe and hoping that...

..the next answer is possibly 100.

Um...so I'm going to go safe

and I'm going to say United States of America.

OK. The United States of America, says Ross.

There's your red line. You have to get below that red line to be safe.

Let's see if that's right - the USA. How many people said that?

It's right.

It's 84.

APPLAUSE

Unsurprisingly, I'd say, our highest score so far.

139 is your total.

Yeah, not a bad tactic, Ross. Quite a smart thing to do.

I mean, we'll see if it pays off.

-He actually IS smiling, isn't he, sort of?

-He sort of is, yeah.

Or it could be a look of puzzlement,

as in, "Is that meant to be happening?"

-That kind of look.

-Yeah, maybe.

Who do you think's the grump... Oh, no, I'd better not.

Sorry. What a stupid thing to ask. I'm just asking for trouble there.

Um...Irene.

-Welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

Great to have you here. What do you...

Tell me once again what the name of your place is, where you're from.

-The village? Easton in Gordano.

-Easton in Gordano.

-And it's near Bristol.

-Near Bristol.

-Yeah, about four miles.

Ridiculously, I've never heard of Easton in Gordano,

but it just sounds so exotic.

-Oh, it is! It's very exotic!

-THEY LAUGH

-And you both live in the same village?

-Yes, we do.

-That's lovely.

Did you move there together, or did one go down and say,

"You've got to come down here. It's fabulous"?

Well, I was there first of all, and then Elspeth came back from Canada,

liked it and decided to live there too.

So, Irene, what fills your time?

Well, I'm retired, and I love to play bridge.

And I ring the hand bells, and...

-What are your notes?

-My notes are usually top G and F.

So, neighbouring notes? Top F?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Neighbouring notes.

-Oh, you'd have to. Otherwise it'd be weird.

-Six of us that ring.

I'm the last one, apart from someone playing top A occasionally.

-Do you ever get hurt?

-No!

-Do you ever get injuries?

No, it doesn't hurt at all. It's a flick of the wrist.

-It's very satisfying.

-Yeah. It's great.

Very good. OK, well, you're on 70.

I think you've been handed a bit of a lifeline by Ross and Laurie.

-Very decent of you, Ross and Laurie.

-ROSS:

-You're welcome(!)

If you can score 68 or less, you're through to the next round.

But, Irene, do you fancy just doing some thinking out loud?

Um, well, I definitely know one on the bottom row, Jacob Zuma,

and that's South Africa.

But I...I have a feeling that the woman who is second from the...

..uh, after Hamid Karzai,

I think she is now president of Argentina.

So I'm going to go for Argentina.

-Argentina, says Irene.

-Yeah. I know. It might be...

I like that. I think that's good.

There is your red line. Let's see if you're right with Argentina.

Get below that red line, you're into Round Two.

It IS Argentina, Irene. That's a brilliant answer.

That's a low score. Look at that. 13.

Very well done indeed. The second-lowest score of the round.

83 is your total. You are comfortably through.

Yeah, it turns out, Ross, your tactic wasn't so great, cos Irene's brilliant, so, uh...

LAUGHTER But you know what?

-No, I'm not!

-There it is.

-All right, you're quite good.

-Yeah.

Cos you were right about Jacob Zuma as well.

He's on the bottom there. He would have scored you 16 points.

-Oh, right.

-Now, let's fill in a few of the ones we haven't got.

So, we've got there Hamid Karzai.

There's Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner.

That's Evo Morales of Bolivia. That would have scored you 4 points.

Has the look of Richard Gere about him.

-Or something...something familiar.

-CHUCKLING

Looks like Richard Gere in prosthetics is playing him.

That's exactly it, yes.

Then - she's quite often a pointless answer these days -

that's Dilma Rousseff of Brazil.

Brazil would have scored you 6 points.

Let's take a look at the next row. We've seen the first two.

The guy in the middle is Giorgio Napolitano of Italy,

and that would have scored you 8 points.

We then have Joyce Banda of Malawi, and Malawi is a pointless answer,

so, very well done if you said that.

We've seen our old friend Kim Jong...

THEY LAUGH

Oh, and Vladimir as well there.

There's Jacob Zuma, and the guy next to Jacob Zuma

is the leader of Sri Lanka, Mahinda Rajapaksa.

He would have scored you 1 point.

Well, Sri Lanka would have scored you 1 point.

And then we've got Jose Mujica, who's the leader of Uruguay,

and Uruguay is the other pointless answer on the board.

So, Uruguay and Malawi are the pointless answers there.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

OK, so, at the end of our first round,

the pair who are heading home with their high score of 139 -

I'm afraid it's Ross and Laurie.

Nothing wrong with your answers, but, yes, USA was a high scorer.

We'll see you again next time, Ross, Laurie.

Look forward to that very much indeed. Thanks for playing.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well, so, three pairs remain.

Obviously, at the end of this round, we'll say goodbye to another pair.

Mandy and Dave, very well done, our low-scoring pair.

Ryan and Sarah, whew! We made it through. All is well.

Elspeth and Irene. Elspeth, phew!

A little bit worrying there to start with. But actually, Irene came good.

Argentina was a wonderful answer there.

So, very good. Some great teamwork going on here.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two today is...

..Novels.

Novels. Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

..Books With Adjectives In Their Titles.

Books With Adjectives In Their Titles. Richard?

We're going to show you the titles of six novels on each pass,

but we've missed out an adjective from each title.

Can you fill in the blanks, please?

There'll be 12 in all to have a go at at home. So, very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, let's reveal our books with missing adjectives,

and here's our first board of six.

HE READS THE TITLES

I'll read those all one last time.

Irene?

I know a few of them, certainly.

I think...

..I'll go for The God Of Small Things.

The God Of Small Things, says Irene.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that - let's see if it's right.

It is right, of course.

18.

APPLAUSE

Very good, Irene. Good start to the round.

Very good answer, yes. In Kerala in the 1960s.

It was her first novel and won the Booker Prize in 1997.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Mandy.

I know some of them.

I'm going to go for The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje.

OK, The English Patient. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said English.

It's right.

Well, we have 18 as our only score so far.

-51 for The English Patient.

-APPLAUSE

Yeah, also won the Booker Prize, that,

and of course, was famously made into a movie that won nine Oscars.

Mmm.

OK, now, Sarah. You are the last person to have this board.

-Over to our literary podium over there.

-No!

I know, I shouldn't have said that, should I?

Do you fancy talking us through the board

and seeing how many of these adjectives you can fill in?

I wish I COULD talk you through the board!

Honestly, I don't have a clue.

I couldn't answer one.

So...I'll just guess an adjective...

..with The...

..TOY Soldier?

The Toy Soldier, Ford Madox Ford. The Toy Soldier.

Let's find out. Is it right? How many people said it if it is?

The Toy Soldier.

No. I'm sorry, Sarah.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

It scores you the maximum of 100 points. I'm sorry.

Yeah, sorry, Sarah, not The Toy Soldier.

It's The GOOD Soldier, Ford Madox Ford.

Um, and it would have scored you 6 points.

You wouldn't have had a crack at the top one?

No.

That's The Old Curiosity Shop.

It would have scored you 82 points. Big scorer.

Uh, the James Ellroy book is American Tabloid.

That would have scored you 3.

And do you know the James Joyce one?

Oh, it's the sister adjective to the Dickens. It's Young.

Yeah. Young Man. Absolutely.

A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man, and 36 points for that.

The best answer is American Tabloid. Well done if you got that.

Thanks very much indeed. So, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 18, Irene and Elspeth!

Very strong performance from that first podium there. Very well done.

Then up to 51, where we find Mandy and Dave,

then it's up to 100, I'm afraid, Sarah and Ryan.

It doesn't have to be a disaster, Ryan. You get first board next time.

You might be able to find a low-scoring answer there,

and maybe that'll keep you in the game.

We're going back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more book titles up on the board,

and here they are.

We've got:

HE READS THE TITLES

I'll read those all one last time.

Ryan.

We're looking for the adjective that completes each of these book titles,

and you're going to try and find the one

that you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Well, I should have gone first,

cos I knew pretty much all of them on the last one.

On this one, I only know for sure one,

and I'm just going to have to say it

and make sure we don't get in the 200 Club!

HE CHUCKLES

Uh, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

New, says Ryan. New. Let's see if that's right.

And if it is, how many of our 100 people said it.

No red line for you, as you are the high scorers.

It's right.

-APPLAUSE

-78, Ryan.

Takes your total up to 178.

Yeah, set in AD 2540, Brave New World.

Taken from a line in The Tempest.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, uh, Dave.

Dave, I've got great news for you, Dave.

-You are through to the head-to-head.

-Oh, I'm glad of that.

-Oh!

So, what we need from you is a nice, low score just for the fun of it.

OK. I'll try and get a low score, but I'm not sure it will be right.

I shall go for...

..Gentleman Jim?

Gentleman Jim, says Dave.

-Let's see if that's right.

-I'm not sure if it's right.

Well, we'll discover. Is it right, Gentleman Jim?

No red line, as you're already through.

No, I'm afraid that's not right.

It scores you 100 points, take your total up to 151.

I'll give the correct answer at the end of the pass,

in case Elspeth wants to have a go at the same one.

Now, Elspeth, here's fun.

You can talk us through the board and fill in all the blanks.

I think you'll be good at this.

Um, well, I know three.

I cannot remember the Donna Tartt title, so I won't go for that,

and I can't remember the Anthony Burgess.

The Philip Roth is The Human Stain.

It's Cold Comfort Farm, one of my favourite books.

And it's Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis.

But I think I'll go for Cold Comfort Farm.

Cold Comfort Farm, says Elspeth. Let's see if that's right.

No red line for you, as you're already through to the head-to-head.

But how many people said Cold Comfort Farm?

It's right.

47.

APPLAUSE

47 takes your total up to 65.

Yeah, you got all of those right.

-You chose the biggest scorer, actually, of the ones you knew.

-Oh.

But I think you wanted to say the name of the book you like the most.

-Yes.

-Lucky Jim is correct, and that would have scored you...

..32 points.

The Human Stain would have been a terrific answer, Philip Roth.

That would have scored you 8.

Now, the Donna Tartt book.

She writes one book every ten years, Donna Tartt. This was her first.

And it's The Secret History.

14 points. The best answer on the board is the Anthony Burgess one.

-Do you know that?

-Don't know that one.

Earthly Powers. Earthly Powers. And that's 3 points.

So, very well done if you said that.

Thanks very much indeed.

Oh! I'm so glad.

Cos on one of these rounds, someone might have said Austin.

-LAUGHTER

-Wouldn't that have been funny?

-HE SIGHS

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Well, at the end of our second round, the pair heading home

with their high score of 178,

I'm afraid it is our literary duo over there, Ryan and Sarah.

I'm sorry. We shouldn't have mentioned books at all, should we?

-No.

-I'm afraid, yes, you came a cropper there.

See you again next time. We'll look forward to that.

Ryan and Sarah, it's been lovely having you.

-Thanks so much for playing.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Congratulations to Elspeth and Irene, Mandy and Dave.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for the jackpot,

which currently stands at £1,000.

This is the point where we decide who gets to play for that money,

and to do that, you are now going to go head-to-head.

Obviously, you're now allowed to confer before you give your answers,

and the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for the jackpot.

Mandy and Dave, very well done indeed.

You've come one step further than last time.

And, Elspeth and Irene, I mean, you are just an unstoppable force!

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh, no!

Well, best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

..Pastry Dishes.

Pastry Dishes. Richard?

I'm going to show you the names of five dishes made with pastry,

but we've missed out alternate letters.

Can you fill in the gaps for us?

OK, let's reveal our five pastry dishes, and here they are.

We've got:

HE READS THE LETTERS

I'll read those all again.

Elspeth and Irene, you've been the low scorers so far,

so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

-(Beef...)

-(Chocolate.)

-(Beef Wellington.)

-(Yeah. It's chocolate.)

(Bakewell tart.)

(Chocolate cake? Answer that? Quiche Lorraine on the bottom?)

(Yes. What do you think?)

-(Yeah, OK, we'll go for that one.)

-(Which one?)

-(Beef Wellington.)

-(OK.)

We're going to go for the top one, beef Wellington.

Oh, a very good choice. It's particularly good today.

CHUCKLING

Sorry. It's terrible. Um...

Mandy and Dave, the board is all yours.

Do you want to talk us through it?

Yes. Uh, I think we know all of them.

The second one, I think is sausage roll.

The third one is Bakewell tart.

The fourth one is chocolate eclair.

And the last one is quiche Lorraine.

Out of all of those, what do you think?

Sausage roll or chocolate eclair?

-Sausage roll.

-Chocolate...chocolate...

-Yeah? OK.

-Sausage roll, I think.

-OK.

-OK.

Sausage roll.

Sausage roll, say Mandy and Dave.

So, we have beef Wellington, we have sausage roll.

Elspeth and Irene went for beef Wellington.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

-19.

-APPLAUSE

OK, 19 for beef Wellington.

Mandy and Dave have gone for sausage roll. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said sausage roll.

It's right.

Is it going to beat 19, I wonder?

-Ooh, 34.

-APPLAUSE

Very well done. Elspeth and Irene, after one question, you're up 1-0.

Well played again. There's no stopping you so far.

I think, Mandy and Dave,

you were arguing over which was the next best answer.

That's actually the best answer on the board, beef Wellington.

Chocolate eclair would have been slightly better than sausage roll.

Chocolate eclair would have scored you 31.

That's the second-best answer on the board.

Bakewell tart, obviously in the middle there,

that would have scored 40.

And actually, quiche Lorraine is the biggest scorer by some way.

-It would have scored you 83 points.

-Whoa.

-How about that?

Yes. Well sidestepped there, Mandy.

OK, here comes your second question.

Mandy and Dave, you have to win this one to stay in the game,

so, best of luck.

It concerns...

..Fictional Islands.

Fictional Islands, Richard?

I'm going to give you five clues now to fictional islands

from film, TV and literature.

Can you name the most obscure one of these, please?

OK. Let's reveal our five fictional islands, and here they are.

We've got:

HE READS THE CLUES

I'll read those all one last time.

Mandy and Dave, it's over to you.

(Have a think about the Arthurian legend.

(The name of the Roxy Music album, it's Lady of the Lake -

(Elinor or something like that.

(What one should we go?

(The base of International Rescue of Thunderbirds?)

OK.

OK, we're going to go for, um...

..the second one - Utopia.

Utopia, say Mandy and Dave.

Now, Elspeth and Irene, it's over to you.

Can you talk us through the board?

-IRENE:

-Just can't remember the island for Father Ted. That's gone.

We think the second one is Utopia.

We think the third one might be Bali Ha'i.

The island of Arthurian legend, we think is Avalon.

And the base of International Rescue is Tracy Island, we think.

We'll go for Bali Ha'i.

You're going to go for Bali Ha'i. Bali Ha'i.

So, we have Utopia versus Bali Ha'i.

Now, Mandy and Dave said Utopia. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said Utopia.

It's right.

That's a good answer. 17 for Utopia.

APPLAUSE

Elspeth and Irene have gone for Bali Ha'i.

-Stupid.

-Well, let's see if it's right.

And if it is, let's hope it goes bally low.

LAUGHTER

Let's see how many people said Bali Ha'i.

-It's right.

-Oh, it is!

-Wow!

Is that going to beat 17?

Yes, it is! Look at that. Bali Ha'i. Down to 7.

Very well done indeed.

ELSPETH AND IRENE EXCLAIM

-APPLAUSE

-Very well done.

Elspeth and Irene, after only two questions,

you are through to the final 2-0. Brilliant.

And it's the best answer on the board again.

-Is it?!

-Nothing you can do about that.

Did you know that one, Mandy?

Yes. We actually were tossing up between those two.

-Chose the wrong one.

-And thought... We chose the wrong one again.

Yeah, afraid you did.

Now, Ted, Dougal, Jack and Mrs Doyle live on...

-Craggy.

-..Craggy Island.

-Oh, yes!

-31 points for that.

The Arthurian legend and the Roxy Music album is Avalon, as you said.

Would have scored 15. Would have beaten Utopia as well.

And it was Tracy Island at the bottom there for Thunderbirds.

Slightly higher score, though - 40 points for that. Biggest score there.

So, Bali Ha'i, best answer on the board

for the second question running.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of that round -

I'm afraid it's Mandy and Dave.

Absolutely not a step wrong in this head-to-head round. Great answers.

Sausage roll, Utopia. Brilliant answers.

However, you were up against Elspeth and Irene. They just know it all.

There's nothing you could have done about that.

But you've done much better than last time.

It's been wonderful having you on both shows.

Thank you so much for playing. Mandy and Dave. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Elspeth and Irene, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Well, a massive congratulations.

Elspeth and Irene, you've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Yes!

-I'm thrilled to bits!

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,000.

Well, you've done so well.

We gave you World Leaders, we gave you Fiction,

we gave you Pastry Dishes, we gave you Fictional Islands.

-You just...

-HE CLICKS

..knocked them out of the park each time.

Anything you'd particularly like to see come up in this last round?

They're always tough, these last rounds.

Um, well, we'd quite like Landlocked African Countries.

LAUGHTER

Mmm, but what would you go for?

Don't give the game away too soon.

Songs Of The Proclaimers would be good.

-Um...not films, not pop music.

-No.

-OK, well...

-Oh, not soap opera.

-Oh! No.

-Definitely not.

OK. Well, as you know, you get to choose your category

from the four we put up on the board.

I hope there's one up there that you like. Let's find out what we've got.

World Footballers...

LAUGHTER

..Panel Shows,

Glam Rock,

Classical Mythology In The Movies.

-Oh, ye gods!

-ELSPETH GROANS

I think we can only do Panel Shows there, don't you?

-Oh! Do you?

-Do you know ANYTHING about glam rock?

-I know...

-No!

-Could write it on the back of a stamp, what I know!

-Classical Mythology In The Movies. No, that's hopeless.

-No. No.

Let's... And with football, we only know our division two teams.

So, let's go for Panel Shows. We might have a chance.

-Yeah, OK.

-OK.

-Yeah, Panel Shows.

-Panel Shows it is.

-Yes.

-Isn't it nice to watch this?

-Isn't it just?

Let's take a look at your three options. It's all from 2013 here.

We're looking for anybody, any host, team captain or participant,

who took part in Never Mind The Buzzcocks during 2013 -

that was series 27 of that.

Anybody who took part in Have I Got News For You in 2013 -

that's series 45 or 46.

You're not allowed to have me or Xander, I'm afraid.

-Oh! Shame.

-Like WE'D have been pointless!

-Yeah.

-Yeah!

-We'd have been right up there.

They'd have to invent a new number. 114?

Or we are looking for any participant in Mock The Week in 2013.

That was series 12 that went out in 2013.

So, anyone - host, team captain or guest -

who appeared on one of those three series in 2013, please.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-As we'll ever be!

-Yes.

OK. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

Right. I know...

There was a bloke called Mark Kermode in Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

Was there? OK.

-Have I Got News. We'd know some of them.

-Yes, Stephen Mangan.

-Stephen Mangan.

-Oh, yes. He was good. Um...

-I like him.

-Victoria Coren was a guest.

-Yes.

-Jo Brand has been host.

-Yeah. She's done a lot.

-They weren't as good as these two.

-No, they weren't.

-LAUGHTER

-Shame we can't say them, isn't it?

That's true.

In Mock The Week, there's Russell Howard, Chris Addison, Hugh Dennis.

Frankie Boyce isn't on any more, cos he made a big mistake, I think.

-Right, let's forget him, then.

-So we won't mention him.

-No.

Um, there's... Who else might there be on Mock The Week?

Shall we get... What do you think?

-It's 22 seconds, 21 seconds...

-Right, OK.

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-So we'd better think carefully.

-Shall we go for...

-Stephen Mangan for one?

-Yeah.

-Stephen Mangan was a host for Have I Got News For You.

-We'll have him.

-Ten seconds left.

Shall we have Chris Addison or Russell Howard? One of those two?

Chris Addison would be good.

What about somebody from Have I Got News?

We've got one. Stephen Mangan. And Victoria Coren.

-Yes. Do those two.

-Yes.

-OK.

-OK.

That's your time up. I now need your three answers.

We're having two from Have I Got News For You...

-And they are?

-Stephen Mangan as host...

-Stephen Mangan.

-..and Victoria Coren as a guest.

-Victoria Coren.

-Um...and...

-Who's the next one?

-Chris Addison from Mock The Week.

And Chris Addison from Mock The Week.

-Three lovely people, you've chosen there.

-Yes.

-Yes.

Very well done.

Of those, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Probably S...

-Stephen Mangan, perhaps?

Stephen Mangan? We'll put Stephen last.

First, your least likely to be pointless, do you think?

-Victoria, perhaps?

-OK, Victoria Coren.

And in the middle, we are putting Chris Addison.

-Yes.

-Chris Addison.

-Excellent.

-Yes.

OK, let's pop those up on the board in that order, and here they are.

We have Victoria Coren, Chris Addison and Stephen Mangan.

Well, very, very best of luck.

As I say, three fantastic answers up there on the board.

Surely they're all candidates for pointless. We would hope.

If one of them were to be pointless and you were to win that jackpot...

I'm sorry it's not a bigger jackpot, but £1,000. It's nice to take home.

What would you do with that?

-Oh, well, we know, don't we?

-Yeah. We'd just...

Take all the family out for a big meal.

-It's 16 of us, so...

-Yeah. We'd have a great time.

-Perfect.

We haven't got 16 children! That's all together!

LAUGHTER

Well, excellent. Best of luck. Let's hope.

Fingers tightly crossed that one of those answers at least is pointless.

So, your first answer was Victoria Coren.

It has to be right, then it has to be pointless

for you to win that jackpot.

Let's find out. For £1,000, how many people said Victoria Coren?

It's right.

And we knew it was right.

What we don't know is how far down it's going to go.

If this goes all the way down to zero,

you will leave here with £1,000.

It's in single figures. Still going down. Down it goes!

-You've done it!

-THEY SCREAM

-That's brilliant!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Very well done indeed.

-Oh, thank you!

-Brilliant.

-Oh, wow!

-Oh, fantastic!

Oh! I don't believe it!

Oh, fantastic!

-Thank you!

-Many, many congratulations.

-Victoria Coren...

-Oh, we're so thrilled!

..was a pointless answer,

which means you go home not only with your two Pointless trophies,

but also with our jackpot of £1,000 and all our best wishes.

-Thank you!

-Oh, thank you!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Aw.

-Very well played. That's terrific work.

I tell you what, if Paul McCartney's watching now,

he's going to be regretting throwing your hat out the window.

There's a guy who's done many things in his life,

but he doesn't have a Pointless trophy and you do.

Chris Addison, from Mock The Week - also a pointless answer.

-Oh!

-No!

-Yeah.

-Wow!

-Wow!

-APPLAUSE

Stephen Mangan would have scored you 2 points, though, so...

Come on! What are you thinking?! LAUGHTER

Let's take a look at pointless answers in the different categories.

We'll start off with Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

You could have Dave Myers, one of the Hairy Bikers.

Huey Morgan, who, famously, had a little bit of a tizzy on it.

Jessica Hynes was a pointless answer. Tony Law.

Also could have had Carol Vorderman, David O'Doherty,

Jamie Cullum, Katherine Ryan.

You could have had Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Sara Pascoe -

all of those, pointless answers.

Let's take a look at Have I Got News.

Deborah Meaden, the Dragon from Dragons' Den, was a pointless answer.

Gyles Brandreth. Joe Wilkinson, the brilliant Joe Wilkinson.

John Prescott was a pointless answer as well.

Uh, Bernard Cribbins. Bridget Christie.

You could have had Frank Skinner. Gabby Logan.

-Jacob Rees-Mogg - he was on when you did it.

-Mmm.

Oh, no, Godfrey Bloom was on when you did it, wasn't he?

-And when Victoria was on, too.

-Yeah. That's right, yeah.

-Godfrey Bloom was on.

-He was a pointless answer.

-She was brilliant with him.

-Wasn't she?

-Yes!

ELSPETH LAUGHS You were too.

-Oh, thank you.

-Oh, yeah, you were too! I'm sorry! Yes!

-Oh, no, thank you!

-LAUGHTER

But she REALLY was, wasn't she?

-LAUGHTER

-She was fantastic! She was.

Also could have had Stephen Merchant, Matt Forde and Warwick Davis.

All of those were pointless answers.

Let's take a look at Mock The Week.

Chris Ramsey, you could have had. Hal Cruttenden.

Holly Walsh. There's Katherine Ryan again.

A couple of other answers for that.

You could have had Gary Delaney. Rob Beckett also a pointless answer.

Very well done if you said any of those.

But you've been brilliant from start to finish.

Gutted you're not coming back, but congratulations on winning the jackpot.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you so much. Both of you.

-Yeah, we've loved it.

-It's been fabulous. We've loved it.

And right back at you, Elspeth and Irene.

Well, thanks once again to our winning players, Elspeth and Irene.

-You've just been fabulous.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And who go away with today's jackpot of £1,000.

Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE