Episode 36 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong.

And welcome to Pointless, the show that puts obscure knowledge

to the test. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hello, my name's Stan.

I'm from Horsham in West Sussex. And this is my friend

and colleague, ex-colleague in fact, Adrian from Bromley in Kent.

-Couple number two.

-Hello, I'm Sue and this is my husband, Jon,

and we're from Whalley in Lancashire.

-And couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Jez.

This is my friend Steve and we're from Kinver in South Staffordshire.

-And finally couple number four.

-Hi, I'm Sue.

I'm from Kenilworth. And this is my best friend, Dani,

and she's from Leamington.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much. We'll get to know more about each of you

throughout the show as it goes along. So, that just leaves one more

person for me to introduce - a man with a photographic memory.

And I'm thinking specifically of the photo of me

in the Speedo's on our holiday to Alicante a couple of years ago.

-It's my Pointless friend. It's Richard.

-Hiya. Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Afternoon to you.

-And to you.

Just thinking about how good Mark was on the last show.

-He was very good.

-He was terrific, wasn't he?

-Yeah.

We saw Steve and Jez got knocked out by Mark and Georgie

in the head-to-head. It was a good head-to-head.

And then Mark had to name American presidents with a single

syllable surname. Came up with James Polk as a pointless answer.

So, that's two jackpots in a row we've given away.

And Stan and Adrian were with us last time as well,

but only stuck around for one round.

They had a tough one in that first one,

-but they look like quizzers to me.

-I think they do.

-We might see a little bit more of them today. Do you?

-Let's hope.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. All of our questions on Pointless

have been asked to 100 people before the show.

Today's contestants, of course, like all contestants, are looking for

a pointless answer, that being answer that none

of our 100 people gave.

Find a pointless answer, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Mark and Georgie, as you've just heard, won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, you just have to remember at all times that the pair with

the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.

Our category for the first round today is...

History. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second? And whoever is going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Kings And Queens. Richard.

-We're going to show you the names

of seven monarchs with the years of their reign in brackets.

You need to tell us the country or region they were monarch of.

There's going to be seven on the first board, seven on the second.

-14 to have a go at home.

-OK, thanks very much indeed.

We want the name of the country or region of which these people were

monarchs. Here's our first board of seven.

I'll read those all one last time.

Stan, well, there is a board of monarchs!

So, Stan, remind us what you like to get up to.

Well, I work as a volunteer in the local police office.

It's normally reporting low level, antisocial behaviour,

or criminal damage. But we did have one person who...

A little old lady came in with a plastic bag one day...

-And she pulled a piece!

-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Sort of.

Plopped the bag on the desk.

And fortunately my colleague, who is ex-army, realised that it was

actually a grenade that some boys had been playing with.

And my colleague threw a blanket over it and called the bomb

squad, cleared the area

and the thing was blown up in the local...near the local church.

-Far enough away not to cause any damage.

-OK. I see.

-Wow, that was exciting.

-That's the biggest thing we've had.

OK, well, that'll do. That'll do.

Anyway, Stan, what of these monarchs?

What are you going to go for?

Yeah, well, I think I know one.

It's a slight chance, but I'm going to

go for Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands.

The Netherlands says Stan for Queen Beatrix.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

59.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, a big score there.

She once gave Queen Elizabeth II a horse as a gift.

You have to know someone quite well

before you give them a horse, don't you?

I hope the Queen didn't look at it in the mouth. That would've been...

-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-That would have been terrible.

Your kids go to a party, you mustn't...say,

"Oh, we'll give them a horse." You've got to... That's properly...

Wrapping it up would be a nightmare as well, wouldn't it?

-Wouldn't it, though?

-Yeah.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Sue.

Sue S, more specifically, welcome to the show.

It's great to have you here. What do you do?

I've recently retired as a nursery school head teacher.

That must've been... Was that a fun job? You must have enjoyed that.

It was a really fun job. It was lovely, absolutely lovely playing

with all the children all the time.

-And how long did you do that for?

-I did that for 15 years.

-So, you must miss that.

-I do. I miss it, but I've got five grandchildren,

-so I just play with all of them instead.

-Yes, yes!

What do you now fill your time with apart from the grandchildren?

Grandchildren, taking puppies for a walk.

My two daughters have got two puppies,

-so we go for long walks with the puppies.

-Lovely.

Cooking for all the family. And I love killer sudoku.

Excellent. Good stuff.

Now, Sue, what are you going to go for on this board?

Well, I'm not very good at dates,

but I'm hoping that Philip II is Spain.

Spain, Philip II. Sounds right to me. Let's see if it is right.

Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

Well, 59 is our only score so far. You've passed that.

32.

32.

Yeah, probably the most successful monarch Spain ever had, Philip.

The Philippines is named after him, of course.

He was also in charge of the Armada, which was repelled.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Jez, welcome back.

Jez, remind us what you get up to.

I'm an infrared thermographer.

-Indeed.

-I take pictures of buildings to look at energy loss and defects.

So, what kind of...

Does the equipment for thermography get more and more sophisticated

-as the years go by?

-It gets smaller, which is good.

-I bet.

Where would you say looking over here...

Where would you say most of the heat loss was...

Near Richard, actually.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

I'm always amazed that this isn't hotter.

-I know! That...that...

-It's weird.

It's almost as if there's no electricity going through it.

Yeah, almost. Extraordinary.

-What are you going to go for, Jez?

-Well, I wanted Philip.

I really wanted Philip.

Erm, so now I'm going to have to punt for something fairly

obvious, I think.

Cleopatra VII, I think probably Egypt.

Probably Egypt. Sounds...sounds reasonable enough.

Let's see, Cleopatra VII, is that Egypt?

It's right.

76 for Cleopatra and Egypt.

Yeah, when her father died,

she became co-regent with her ten-year-old brother.

OK, thank you very much indeed.

Sue, Sue G, welcome.

Good to have you here from Warwickshire. From Kenilworth.

-Yes.

-And what do you get up to up there? What do you do?

I play racquetball. I'm a member of the local Kenilworth squash club.

Racquetball is what? That's a...

It's a bit like squash, but it's a bigger racket and a bigger ball.

That sounds like squash, but easier. That sounds great.

-Yeah, less scary than squash. You've played squash as well?

-No.

-Oh, no, that's far too scary.

-Oh, I see. OK.

Excellent. What are you going to go for on this board?

It's all yours if you like. You could talk us through it.

I wish I could. I really haven't a clue. The ones I knew have gone.

I'm went to have to take a complete punt

and I'm going to go for Constantine I and say Belgium.

Constantine I, Belgium.

OK, well, let's find out if Belgium's right,

and if it is, let's see many people said Belgium.

Ooh, I'm sorry not Belgium. I'm afraid, that scores you 100 points.

An incorrect answer there, Sue.

Yeah, he's Prince Philip's uncle, I'm afraid, King Constantine.

And he was Greece.

Would've scored 33 points.

-Mohammad Reza Shah Pahlavi, we knew him as the Shah really.

-Iran.

Iran, yep.

Would have scored you 18. Manuel II, we've already had Spain.

-So, Portugal sounds reasonable.

-Yep.

-Do you know what? I think I know this one.

-Do you?

He was the... He was a Roger Brooke.

And I have a feeling it's Sarawak.

It is Sarawak, yes. A pointless answer, too. Very well done.

Yeah, he worked for the East India Company

and the Sultan of Brunei gave him sovereignty over Sarawak.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores and see where we are.

Well, the best score of that pass was yours, Sue S.

Very well done. Sue and Jon looking very strong at this stage

and then up to 59, where we find Stan and Adrian.

76, Jez and Steve.

And then up to 100, where we find Sue and Dani.

So, Dani, if you found a lovely, low-scoring

answer on the next board, it could be enough to keep you in the game.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more monarchs up on the board, and here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

Dani, remember we're looking for the name of the region or country of

which these people were monarchs. And you're going to try and find the

one you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Dani, here from Royal Leamington Spa.

And what do you do?

I work at the college library, Warwickshire College.

Excellent and do you get holidays

-off or do you work all the way through?

-Yes, I do.

-I'm term-time only...

-Very nice.

-..which is fabulous!

So what do you like to fill that time with?

I'm in two bands at the moment.

One called Reykjavik

and one called It's Mine McGarry, in which I play the mandolin.

I'm learning the mandolin. I'm not...not very good.

So one is it sort of...the mandolin tells me it may be a bit more folky,

-a bit more...

-Sort of

-punky folky.

-Punky folky. Good. And Reykjavik,

-what do they play?

-Erm,

very original, somewhere between Radiohead, Pink Floyd-y...

Excellent.

OK, now listen, you have a job to do here, Dani.

-I do.

-You are currently on 100. We need a lovely, low score from you.

I don't think that's going to happen, unfortunately.

Erm...

..I know quite...more obvious,

but seeing as we've got 100, I think

I'll take a punt...

on Hirohito

and say Japan.

Japan for Hirohito. No red line as you are the high scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Japan.

Absolutely right, of course.

53.

Takes your total up to 153.

Well,

it might be enough to keep you in.

Yeah, Hirohito, the longest-serving monarch in Japanese history.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now Steve.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you.

Remind us what you do, Steve.

I'm an operations manager for a company that imports

and sells hardware products.

And when not doing that, Steve, what do you busy yourself with?

I like music gigs, I go ballroom dancing.

I like karaoke and singing, mostly.

Now Steve, you're on 76.

The high scorers are on 153,

so 76, in fact, is exactly the score you need.

76 or less to get you through.

Yeah, I knew Hirohito.

I know another...

..one that's... But I don't know whether it will get the right score,

so I'm going to take a little bit of a punt.

Haile Selassie I,

I think is Ethiopia.

Ethiopia says Steve for Haile Selassie I.

There is your red line.

Get below that, you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many people said Ethiopia.

It's right. You are through to the next round. Very well done.

48.

124 your total.

Yeah, another good answer. Ethiopia's 225th and last emperor.

Thanks very much indeed.

-OK, Jon, welcome.

-Thank you.

Welcome. What do you do, Jon?

I work in my own outdoor clothing and footwork shop, Alexander.

Oh, now that's fun. And people who work in outdoor clothing

and footwear shops run their own businesses, I think, almost

always cos they have a massive

interest in the outdoors.

Am I right?

-Not really, Alexander.

-Really?

-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

They always seem so knowledgeable.

They can talk about a breathable sock.

Well, my background is

actually textiles, gun manufacturer,

-so that's where I'm coming from.

-I see.

OK, I see.

So, you sell those lightweight sticks for people to walk with.

We do actually, yes. Yes.

-And breathable socks, of course.

-Very breathable socks.

I'm always on the lookout for a breathable sock, Jon.

-Next time you're there, Alexander...

-A structured, breathable sock.

Free pair of socks next time you come, Alexander.

-You're very welcome.

-Next time I'm

in Lancashire, I'm strai... I'm making a beeline right there.

Maybe a pair of boots as well, Alexander.

-Wow!

-Yeah, and they will fit.

-AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Wow, again. So, Jon, there you are. You're on 32.

You are through to the next round. Even if you score 100,

you won't overtake our high scorers. They are on podium four.

What are you going to go for?

I'm going to go for Malcolm III

and hope that he was a Scottish king. So Scotland.

Scotland says Jon for Malcolm III.

Sounds good to me. No red line for you as you are already through,

but let's see how many people said Scotland.

It's right.

-18.

-APPLAUSE

Neatly taking your total up to 50, the lowest total of the round.

Yeah, he killed Macbeth, of course, and then killed Macbeth's stepson

-as well to become king.

-Yeah.

-That guy(!)

-I know.

Adrian, welcome back. Tell us about yourself.

You have retired from your previous job

working for the Department

-of Environment...

-Right, yeah.

-..as a statistician.

-That's right, yeah, working statistics doing

The Environment In Your Pocket, a fine publication.

One should be in every pocket.

-Excellent.

-A bit of a waste of paper.

-Yeah.

-Not if it encourages people to save paper in other ways.

-Yeah, I suppose it could be recyclable paper.

-Yeah.

-I guess.

Listen, there you are. You're on 59.

You have to score 93 or less with your answer.

I think you can do... I hope you can do it.

Talk us through the board and fill in all the blanks you can.

Louis XIV, France. Leopold III was King of the Belgians.

Ivan the Terrible, Russia. And Jigme Singye Wangchuck...

possibly Thailand, somewhere around there.

But I will go for Ivan the Terrible,

-Russia.

-Ivan the Terrible, Russia.

Now, for the first time for a while, we have of red line.

There it is, it's nice and high.

Let's see if Russia can get you below that red line.

It can and it does.

56.

APPLAUSE

115 is your total.

Well played, Adrian. Yeah, filled in the board pretty nicely as well.

Louis XVI, as you say, France,

would have scored you 77 points.

Leopold III, as you say, Belgium.

Scored you fewer. Would have scored you 19.

Now Jigme Singye Wangchuck, it is somewhere near.

It's not a million miles from Thailand. It's Bhutan.

He took over Bhutan when he was 16. Would have scored you 1 point.

And he's...he's helped with democracy in Bhutan and he also was very much

behind their drive to happiness is a more important thing than economics.

-So gross national happiness is one of his things.

-Good man!

He's married to four women.

That'll...that'll help, yeah.

All sisters.

-Whoa!

-Tell you what, Christmas around Jigme Singye Wangchuck's

-house must be quite something, mustn't it?

-Yeah!

-Yeah, Sister Sledge!

-Imagine.

LAUGHING: They formed the Bhutan four-women bobsled team...

for the last Olympics. ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-Sister Sledge.

-Thank you very much indeed.

So at the end of our first round,

the pair heading home with a high score of 153 is Dani and Sue.

But the good news is we get to see you again next time. We look forward

-to that very much indeed. Dani and Sue, thanks so much.

-Thank you.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And so three pairs remain. Obviously, at the end of this round,

we have to say goodbye to another pair.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Books. Could you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who is going to go second? And whoever is going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. The top-selling autobiographies in the UK. Richard.

Yes, interesting question. We're looking for any of the authors

of those 50 best-selling autobiographies all the way from 2001

through to February 2013, please, as according to Nielsen BookScan.

So any person who's written one of the top 50 best-selling

autobiographies in that timeframe. Very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

OK, Stan, it's over to you.

OK.

The one that immediately came to mind is Jordan.

But I'm not sure whether she still goes under that name.

But I'm going to have to go for Jordan.

Jordan says Stan. Jordan. Let's see if that's right.

If it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

32.

APPLAUSE

32 for Jordan.

Very well played.

Being Jordan was the 18th best-selling autobiography.

Goodness. How many did she sell?

A lot.

Jon. Yeah, autobiographies.

I'm...I'm going to go for Sir Alex Ferguson.

Sir Alex Ferguson, says Jon.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

Ooh!

Ugh! I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer, Jon.

And that scores you the maximum of 100 points.

No, a huge bestseller, of course, at the end of 2013,

but this goes up to February 2013, I'm afraid.

So, it wasn't out, but, yeah, I mean, a runaway, huge, huge bestseller.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Jez.

There you are. Let that be a lesson to you there. Yes, stops in 2013.

Richard Hammond.

Richard Hammond says Jez.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many of our 100

people said that. Richard Hammond.

It's correct.

I think that's a good answer on the far podium there.

Richard Hammond is a pointless answer!

Very well done indeed!

That adds £250 to today's jackpot,

which takes the total up to £1,250.

It's... Absolutely nothing. Jez, well done. Richard Hammond.

That's a good answer.

That's a terrific answer. Yeah, On The Edge - My Story, he wrote.

It was just after his near fatal accident as well. He said there's

only one difference between himself before the accident and after the

accident. He says there's literally only one difference,

and that's he now likes celery.

Said everything else stayed the same.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Well, we're halfway through the

round. Let's take a look at those scores. Jez, well done!

That's a fantastic score.

Steve, you've got to be pleased with that.

I would say that's pretty much a free pass through to the next round

because we then go up to 32,

Stan and Adrian, and then up to 100,

Jon and Sue.

You never know, Sue. There's a world in which you could get through

to the head-to-head, but it would involve Adrian making a mistake

and you scoring less than 32.

So, yeah, good luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. Steve, remember we're looking

for the name of anyone who's

written one of the top 50 best-selling autobiographies

between 2001 and 2013.

Erm, it's quite a difficult one cos at times I like my sports,

but again, whether they fit into those years...

So, I think I'm going to play it a little bit safe,

I might be proved completely wrong.

And say Stephen Fry.

Stephen Fry, says Steve. Stephen Fry.

OK. There is your red line.

All you have to be, I would suggest, is correct.

Let's find out if you are. Stephen Fry.

It's right. Very well done.

It's another lovely low score.

4. Very well done, Steve.

4 for Stephen Fry, taking your total up to 4.

Very good play on that last podium.

Yeah, his terrific book - The Fry Chronicles,

one of the best-selling autobiographies.

-OK, Sue. Sue...

-Yeah.

-..now then.

As I said, it is possible.

It is possible that you might get through to the head-to-head,

but we need a very low-scoring answer from you.

Well, I don't read many autobiographies,

but I did read this one. So I'm hoping she's in the top 50.

Dawn French.

Dawn French, says Sue. No red line as you are the high scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Dawn French.

It's right.

Well...

12.

-You've done your side of the bargain, Sue.

-Yeah.

112 is your total.

Yeah, Dear Fatty, the sixth highest selling autobiography in that time.

Goodness! Thank you very much indeed. Now then, Adrian.

Adrian. The high scorers, Jon and Sue on 112,

so 79 or less sees you through.

Erm, I'm trying to think of some sporty ones.

Seb Coe had one, whether that's high enough, I don't know.

Clare Balding had a fairly popular one.

-I'll go for Clare Balding.

-Clare Balding, says Adrian.

There's your red line. If Clare Balding gets you below that red

line, you're in the head-to-head.

Let's find out how many people said Clare Balding.

Ooh, interesting.

That, I'm afraid, is a wrong answer.

Sue and Jon, you're going to... Stop grinning so much.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

We'll come around to the good bits in a minute.

We have to dwell on the more sombre elements of this outcome.

-JON:

-Sorry, chaps.

-That scores you 100 points. I'm really sorry.

Takes you up to 132.

We will discover why that is a wrong answer.

Well, again, not in the top 50. I mean, it was released in 2012,

but perhaps hadn't had enough time to generate enough sales.

I imagine it would be in there if they did the list again.

There's quite a few pointless answers.

Let's take a look at a few of them.

Alice Sebold wrote Lucky, an autobiography. That was in the list.

Bill Bryson. Chris Moyles is on the list at number 49.

George Best you could've had.

Jennifer Worth, John Peel. Sheila Ravenscroft, his wife,

who wrote the book as well.

She was a pointless answer, too.

Kate Adie. There's Richard Hammond and Sheila Hancock,

who wrote about her life with John Thaw.

I'll tell you a few of the smaller scores. You would've got 1 point

for Robbie Williams, Gordon Ramsay, Alan Bennett and Ant & Dec.

Both would have scored you 1.

Keith Richards, Michael Parkinson, both scored 1 as well.

2 points for Lance Armstrong, Jade Goody and Frank Skinner.

3 points for Julie Walters and 4 for Alan Carr and Michael McIntyre.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our second round, I'm afraid the pair

who are heading home with a high score of 132, Adrian and Stan.

Do you know, I was thinking of Clare Balding all the way through

that round, thinking, "I wonder if anyone is going to say her?"

And it was a good answer. I'm really sorry. I thought you were set

fair for a place in the head-to-head and maybe beyond,

but I'm afraid this is where we have to say goodbye. Adrian and Stan,

thanks very much for playing.

But for Steve and Jez, and Jon and Sue,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Steve and Jez, Jon and Sue.

You are now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at...

Now we have to decide who's going to play for that money.

To do that, you're now going to go head-to-head.

The difference is you can confer before you give your answers.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Well, Steve and Jez, you are back.

You weren't our low-scoring pair last time, but this time...oh, yes!

Very good. And Jon and Sue, some great play there.

-A little bit lucky...

-Yes.

-Very lucky.

-..in that last round.

But I did say... I said there was a world in which it could happen, Sue.

-You did.

-Welcome to that world.

-Thank you.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Yep, celebrity moustaches. Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures now of celebrities

with moustaches, can you identify them?

The celebrity, not the moustache.

Let's reveal our five moustaches, and here they are. We have...

There we are.

Five celebrities with moustaches.

Steve and Jez, you've played best throughout the show so far,

so you will go first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

He's seen better days,

but we're going to go for E - Simon Le Bon.

Simon Le Bon. E - Simon Le Bon, you say. I don't know if it's right.

Simon Le Bon. Now, Jon and Sue, talk us through the board.

I wish we could. I only...I only know Tom Hanks,

which I think is going to be very high.

But Jon hopes he knows D.

Yeah, I hope that D

is Joey Barton, the footballer.

Joey Barton say Jon and Sue. Joey Barton.

So, we have Simon Le Bon versus Joey Barton.

Steve and Jez said Simon Le Bon. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

23.

Jon and Sue have gone for Joey Barton, who they think is D.

Let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many people said Joey Barton.

It's right.

And it wins the point for you. Very well done. Joey Barton down to 11.

Good work, Jon and Sue.

And after only one question, you are up 1-nil.

Two good answers there. Let's fill in the rest of these.

A is the actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson, married to

Sam Taylor-Wood, the artist. Would have scored you five points.

B is Tom Hanks, but a big scorer, as you suspected.

Would have scored you 85.

And full marks for trying there, C...that moustache.

It's a very young, Adam Woodyatt. Ian Beale from EastEnders.

-Is that really a moustache or did he just not shave?

-Would've scored 37.

I think it's a deliberate... Given that there's nothing else,

-I think it's a deliberate attempt at having a moustache.

-Right.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, here comes your second question.

Steve and Jez, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

So best of luck. It concerns...

Martin Scorsese. Richard.

We're going to show you five clues now to facts

about film director Martin Scorsese.

Can you give us the most obscure answer?

Let's reveal our five clues, and here they come. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Now then, Jon and Sue, you will go first.

Well, it's very easy for us

because we only can guess at one.

So we are going to guess at it.

And we hope that Michael Jackson,

the video was Thriller.

OK. Jon and Sue. Jon and Sue say Thriller.

Steve and Jez, talk us to the board if you can.

The one we are going to go for,

we both knew,

but Jez probably knows a few more.

I think the band is the Rolling Stones.

I think it's Jim Cavaziel

that was the Jesus.

It's Robert De Niro the bottom one,

Rupert Pupkin in The King Of Comedy.

But we think the voice of Sykes...

He was in Shark Tale.

Was the voice of Sykes, you're saying Shark Tale.

Shark Tale, OK.

So, we have Thriller versus Shark Tale.

Jon and Sue said Thriller, let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many people said it.

No!

Not a correct answer, I'm afraid, which means Steve and Jez,

you merely have to be right with Shark Tale and you will win

the point and be back in the game.

Yep, well done.

Come on, come on!

Wow, look at that! 1.

That's a great answer, Steve and Jez.

The point is yours, you're back in. After two questions, it's one all.

You got a few of the others right as well, but that's the best answer

up there. You're right about the Shine A Light documentary.

It's the Rolling Stones. Would've scored you 10 points.

But The Last Temptation Of Christ was Willem Dafoe.

Would have scored you 7 points.

Now the video...

John Landis directed Thriller

and Martin Scorsese directed Bad.

Would've scored you 15. And you're right about Robert De Niro.

And he would have scored you...

11 points. So, you knew three of them and you picked the right one.

Thanks very much indeed. So, here comes the decider.

Whoever wins this third question goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Iron Maiden. Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you the titles of five Iron Maiden

top 40 hits now, but we've removed one word from each.

Can you fill in those words?

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five Iron Maiden top 40 hits,

and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read them one last time.

Steve and Jez will go first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

-Can I Play With Madness...

-HE WHISPERS INCOHERENTLY

I think we're going to go with Can I Play With Madness.

Can I Play With Madness.

Can I Play With Madness.

OK, Jon and Sue, talk us through the board if you can.

Well, we haven't got a clue on any of them.

-Sue has had a couple of guesses.

-Total guesses, but...

-Go on, what were your guesses?

-Oh, no.

-So, on the basis that it's pretty disgusting...

-And it rhymes.

Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter.

-Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter.

-It rhymes.

OK. Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter.

So, Steve and Jez have said Can I Play With Madness.

Let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right. Can I Play With Madness.

That's a good score. 14.

Jon and Sue meanwhile have gone for

Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter.

Let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

55.

55, well done. Steve and Jez, after three questions,

you're through to the final 2-1.

Yep, Iron Maiden's only number one hit,

Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter.

Their other biggest hit, Run To The Hills, would have scored you 44.

You could've had a good guess at the top one. Simply the...

-Number.

-..The Number Of The Beast.

That would've scored you 25.

And this bottom one's a pointless answer. I mean, guess anything.

-STAMMERS:

-Game And The Gambler.

Oh, it's not. It's The Angel And The Gambler. So, very well done

if you knew that at home. It's the only one up there

-that's not a top-ten hit actually.

-Thanks very much indeed.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, Jon and Sue.

Well, you've done incredibly well.

-Your first appearance on Pointless...

-And we can come back!

Exactly. Took the words out of my mouth.

We get to see you again, which is marvellous news.

We look forward to that very much. But in the meantime,

-thanks very much for playing. Jon and Sue.

-BOTH: Thank you.

But for Steve and Jez, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Steve and Jez. You've seen off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

And at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at...

Well, you see that £250 up there, Jez? That was yours.

That was all yours. Richard Hammond.

Good answer. OK, well, as you know, you get to choose your category.

I say CHOOSE your category -

we give you four, but one of them

let's hope will be close to one of your areas of expertise.

Here are the four categories. They are...

Jez's knowledge of action directors

and directors and films is very good.

But Crime Writers might be all right.

But I think we'd both stand a better chance with Action Directors.

-Yeah, so.

-Yeah.

-OK, Action Directors, it is. Rich.

OK, we are looking for any feature film made for cinema release up

to the beginning of 2014 directed by any of the following three, please.

Any films directed by Wolfgang Petersen,

any films directed by John McTiernan

or any films directed by Tony Scott.

So any feature film made for cinema release for which any of those

three directors have received a directing credit according to IMDb.

Very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. So, as always,

you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers

to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

OK, John McTiernan did a lot

of the Die Hard films.

That was the only bit...

Tony Scott is Ridley Scott's brother,

and I think he did Deja Vu with Denzel Washington, which I think...

Another film, but OK.

-The other John McTiernan was Commando, I think.

-OK.

And I don't know anything

-by Wolfgang Petersen.

-Nor me.

-So, Die...

-Those three.

-We can...

-One of the Die Hards.

-Which Die Hard though, one, two or three?

-With A Vengeance. Was that the last?

-That was the last one.

Well, no, it wasn't the last one. He did the first three, I think.

-So...

-What was the very last one?

Which was it?

It was 4.0 and then there's the awful 5 one. And then...

I think he did the first three.

-So...

-OK, one, two or three?

Ten seconds left.

-Two would be better.

-OK.

-But I can't remember what it's called. Die Hard.

-Die Harder.

-Die Harder.

OK, that's your time up.

Let's have your three answers.

-For Tony Scott, Deja Vu.

-Deja Vu.

For John McTiernan, I think we're going to go with...

Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

-Do you want to go with another Die Hard?

-Yeah.

-You don't want to go with the Commando.

-Don't know anything...

-Commando?

-Yeah, go at that.

-Commando.

-And Commando.

OK, now of those three, which is your best shot at

a pointless answer, do you think?

-I think Deja Vu.

-Deja Vu, we will pop last.

Least likely to be pointless?

-It would be the Die Hard. Die Hard 2.

-OK, Die Hard 2.

OK, well, let's pop those answers up on the board in that order,

and here they are.

We have got...

Well, very best of luck.

Three good answers up on the board. Your first answer was

Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

This is the one you thought was probably least likely to be

pointless, but only one of them has to be pointless for you

to win the jackpot. £1,250 quid, not bad.

What would you do with that, Steve?

We plan to have a pointless party...

And I'll play you, Xander, and Jez will play Richard...

-Yeah, good luck(!)

-Yeah.

The trophy won't be up for grabs. Nor cash, funnily enough, but, yeah.

-That's what we will do.

-OK, well, very, very best of luck.

Let's find out. Your first answer Die Hard 2 - Die Harder.

In this case, we were looking for John McTiernan films.

Let's find out if it's right.

Let's find out if it's pointless for £1,250.

Ooh!

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which means you only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Commando.

Again we were looking for films directed by John McTiernan.

It has to be right, then it has to be pointless for you to win the

jackpot for £1,250. Let's see how many people said Commando.

Ooh! Oh-ho-ho!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid another incorrect answer,

which means you only have one more shot at today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

which is Deja Vu. And in this case, we were looking for films

directed by Tony Scott.

This has got to be correct, surely.

Then it has to be pointless for you to win the jackpot.

So, for £1,250, let's find out how many people said Deja Vu.

Was it pointless?

It's right.

Phew, your first answer Die Hard 2 -

Die Harder was incorrect.

Your second answer, Commando, was incorrect.

But your third answer, Deja Vu, now going down to the single figures.

Down it goes to... Oh, one!

AUDIENCE GROANS AND APPLAUDS

No.

Oh, guys, I am so sorry.

That is so cruel. Two incorrect answers and then a 1 pointer.

I'm afraid you didn't manage to find

that all-important pointless answer,

which means you don't win today's jackpot of £1,250.

That will roll over onto the next show. But we've really enjoyed

having you on, not just this show, but the other you were on as well.

Great performance right across both shows. And you get a Pointless

trophy to take home to show for it. So, very, very well done.

Unlucky, gents. You were absolutely thinking

on the right lines with John McTiernan, and he did Die Hard,

which would have scored you 7 points and he did Die Hard With A Vengeance,

which would have scored you 1 point. But Die Hard 2 was Renny Harlin,

that was his film. And Commando was Mark Lester.

Deja Vu, I haven't seen, though. I sort of feel like I have.

LAUGHTER

Let's... Thank you.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

Let's start with Wolfgang Petersen.

Enemy Mine, Outbreak, the Dustin Hoffman movie would have been

a very good answer there. Shattered, The Consequence also.

One Or The Other also would have been a pointless answer there.

Let's take a look at John McTiernan.

Last Action Hero would have been a terrific answer. Predator as well.

Rollerball, made the remake of that. Hunt For Red October.

Some big films up there also. The Thomas Crown Affair,

his remake of that would have been a pointless answer.

And Tony Scott, some big films here as well.

Beverly Hills Cop II, the De Niro film The Fan.

The Last Boy Scout, Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans, terrific film.

And his remake of The Taking Of Pelham 123.

All of those pointless answers.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Well, thanks. Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to Steve and Jez,

but it's been fantastic having you on the show.

You've been just brilliant in both shows, as I say.

Thank you so much for playing. Steve and Jez, great contestants.

BOTH: Thanks very much.

But sadly, they didn't win the jackpot today, which means it

rolls over onto the next show, when we will be playing for £2,250.

Join us then. See if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye for me. Goodbye.