Episode 35 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless,

the show that makes big winners out of the lowest scorers.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

I'm Jill, this is Cheryl and we're old school friends from York.

-Couple number two.

-I'm Chris,

this is my friend, Shaun, and we're originally from Northamptonshire and now live in London.

-Couple number three.

-I'm Jeff from sunny Exmouth

and this is my lovely daughter, Gemma, from Bristol.

And finally couple number four.

Hi, I'm Fee, this is my best friend, Marin,

-and we're students from Winchester.

-And these are today's contestants.

-APPLAUSE

-Thanks very much to all of you,

we'll find out more about you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

If I were to say the word "prodigy",

you'd think of a person of extraordinary intellect

or the '90s hard house techno music genre.

This man has cornered both of those markets,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

APPLAUSE Afternoon, everybody.

-Good afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-How are you?

-Very well, thank you.

Excellent. Should be a cracking show today.

We've got two pairs coming back today.

Fee and Marin got knocked out in round one, which was a shame.

On podium three we've got Gemma and Jeff,

who, in the second round, joined the 200 club, but were very unfortunate.

We had one of those answers where, er,

Jeff just gave us three letters too many.

He gave us The Honorary Consulate

for the name of a Graham Greene novel and it scored 100 points,

whereas The Honorary Consul would've scored zero.

Such are the thin margins between success and failure on Pointless, eh?

-Mm.

-But it should be a lovely show.

Hopefully we'll see a bit more of those pairs, and welcome to our newcomers as well.

-Shall we do it?

-I think we should.

-Come on, let's do it.

-Shall we tarry no more?

Let's hurl ourselves into the giddy maelstrom that is Pointless.

Shall we linger no longer?

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, come on!

Let's just get in there.

-Let's do it, let's do it. I'm tired of prevaricating, are you?

-Yeah.

Time for the talking to end... LAUGHTER

..and the action to begin...

..right about now.

LAUGHTER

Now, Tom and Ad didn't win the jackpot last time

so we add another £1,000 to that.

Today's jackpot starts off at £3,000, there we are.

WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Remember at all times,

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

That's it.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category today is...

World History.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going first and second?

WHISPERING

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

..18th Century History, 18th Century History. Richard.

The good news is this is a bit before everyone's time,

so we're on a level playing field.

We're going to give you seven clues on each pass to

the events and people of the 18th century.

Just give us the most obscure answer you can, please.

14 in all to have a crack at at home. Good luck.

We're looking for the names of these famous 18th century figures

and here is our first board of seven.

We have got...

I'll read those one last time...

There we go. Jill...

-..welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Lovely to have you here. What do you do?

-I work for the ambulance service.

-In York itself?

-The Yorkshire Ambulance Service.

-Are you on the phone?

-I used to be.

Then I despatched and now I look after the emergency call takers.

Very good indeed.

So, Jill, what do you do when you're not doing that?

I've got two young boys that keep me very busy.

-What sort of age are they?

-Two and a half and five.

Perfect. Good ages.

-Yeah.

-Sleeping? Yes.

-Very well.

-Perfect.

-I'm lucky.

-Great.

Now, Jill, what are you going to go for on this board?

I'm not good at anything to do with the world

and I'm not good at history either.

So, I'm going to have to try and play it really safe.

I'm going to go with the author of Emma and Persuasion,

-Jane Austen.

-Jane Austen, says Jill.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Jane Austen.

47 for Jane Austen.

APPLAUSE

Well played, perfectly good start. Born in Steventon in Hampshire.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

-Now, Shaun, welcome.

-Hi.

-Great to have you here. What do you do?

I'm an operations officer

for the British Board Of Film Classification.

What does operations officer mean?

-Projectionist?

-It's kind of like, more sort of admin kind of role,

-sort of, like researching...

-I see.

-So you don't view all the films?

-No, I'm not an examiner, no.

You see them all come in

and watch them come out eight hours later looking slightly green,

-going, "Oh, oh..."

-Square eyes, yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

-And is film an interest of yours? One would hope so.

-Um,

a little bit, yeah. I prefer sports.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Happy in the job?

-Yeah, happy, yeah.

But I am training to be an accountant at the moment.

So, not really happy in the job? Looking for another job?

-Yeah, trying to do something different.

-Very good.

Now, Shaun, what are you going to go for on this board?

It's quite a tough board but I think I know the bottom answer,

which is Captain Cook.

Captain Cook says Shaun. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Captain Cook.

It is right.

47 our only score at this point, you've passed that.

Down to 33. Well done, Shaun.

APPLAUSE

33 for Captain Cook.

With just one ship, he put more than 5,000 miles of coastline on the map,

Captain Cook, Captain James Cook.

-How would you draw a map of a coastline, though?

-Me?

-How would you do it?

-I would do it with a pen. I'd get some paper...

LAUGHTER ..I'd get my best paper,

-I wouldn't do it on lined paper.

-Don't do it on rough.

I would get blank paper, I'd go to a shop,

get some blank paper, colours, actually, is what I'd do as well. I'd probably do it in green.

And I would do the sea first. I'd take blue, I'd do...

Just do the bit right next to the coast.

And I'd do a picture of the boat I was on, like that.

And then maybe a picture of me, smiling.

Would you have some Zephyrs blowing...

-ALEXANDER PUFFS

-..like that, just a bit of wind?

Something like that. Put a sail on there...

-Maybe some monsters in the sea.

-Yeah, some...

RICHARD ROARS There's a monster going...

RICHARD GROWLS ..furious with me about something.

And then I would just look out at the...

-..thing...

-Yeah.

-..the country I was looking at and go...

LAUGHTER

-All the while it's rocking a bit. Wahey, wahey!

-Whoa.

Your coast's a bit wavy there.

-And that's what we've got.

-Your seas...

..that's beautiful. Look at that.

That is how I would draw a map.

-APPLAUSE

-That is...

-Wow.

-Not bad, is it?

-Not bad at all.

-Very good. I love what you did with that.

-Thank you.

-Gemma.

-Yes.

-Gemma, welcome back.

It was round two last time.

-Most unfortunate it was, as well.

-Mm.

We're expecting great things of you this time. Remind us what you do.

I'm a skin cancer nurse specialist.

And what are your hobbies down in Bristol?

Well, I love to sing and I'm also a huge Elvis fan.

-Are you?

-Mm.

-How far do you take this Elvis obsession?

As far as I possibly can.

Do you have...

-..what's the most bizarre item of yours related to Elvis?

-I've got...

..it makes me sound like a loser,

but I've got leaves that I scraped off his grave

at Graceland in a little bag.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

-I know!

-I think...

It doesn't make you sound like a loser...

LAUGHTER

Makes you sound like a...thief? Would that be the word?

LAUGHTER

-A leaf thief.

-A leaf thief.

-Yeah.

Up to that point, I thought you were talking about Elvis Costello, sorry.

LAUGHTER

Now, what have you done with those leaves?

They're vacuum-packed in a special drawer.

Good. I like the vacuum-packed, that's a good touch.

OK, now, what are the answers to these 18th century clues?

Bearing in mind we have to see you go through to the Head-to-Head

-and beyond today.

-I don't think that's going to happen!

I think I would go for Saint Petersburg and say...

-..Russia?

-Russia, says Gemma.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Russia.

It's right. 47 is our high score, 33 our low.

-52.

-APPLAUSE

Not too far ahead there, Gemma. Not bad at all. 52.

A lot of damage limitation going on in this pass. It's a good answer.

I've been to Saint Petersburg, it's lovely.

I've never been to Russia.

-I think it's a good introduction to Russia.

-Excellent.

It's quite, it's not too scary.

-I'll go there.

-It's nice, it's beautiful.

-Brilliant, thank you. Now, Fee.

-Hi.

-What happened last time? It was Round One.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, Switzerland.

Yeah, it was countries in the EU,

which me and Marin aren't very good at!

We'll put all thoughts about that to one side for a moment

and remind us what you do, you're studying...

-Drama and event management.

-Drama and event management.

-Yeah.

How much longer have you got to do that for?

I've just finished my first year so I've got two years left, yeah.

Are you enthused by it?

Of the two options, going into theatre or event management,

which do you think you'll go into?

I kind of want to combine the two, maybe go into venue management

in the arts sector or something like that, I think.

OK, very good.

Fee, you're the last person to have this board,

so lucky you, you can talk us through it

and fill in all the blanks for us.

If I could do that, I would.

But the only one I knew was the Saint Petersburg one

and that's only cos it's in the children's film, Anastasia. Um...

..so I'm going to do a complete guess.

I can't talk through any of them.

And I think the country that gained independence from Great Britain

was...India.

-OK, India, says Fee.

-Yeah.

India. Let's see if that's right and how many people said India.

Sorry, Fee.

Not in the 18th century. That scores you 100 points. Sorry.

Yeah, that was quite a long time later,

1947, India gained independence.

-And this was the United States of America.

-United States.

-Yes.

Would've scored you 23. Now, the artist...

-Canaletto.

-Canaletto, yes.

-Would've scored you 13. The next artist?

-Hogarth.

-Hogarth.

Would've scored you seven.

-And do you know the style?

-Chinoiserie.

Yeah, anyone who watches Flog It and all those things,

would've seen a lot of Chinoiserie.

ten points for that. William Hogarth is the best answer up there.

Thank you. OK, halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

33, the best score of the pass, Shaun, well done,

putting you and Chris at the head of the table.

Then up to 47, where we find Jill and Cheryl.

Then 52, Gemma and Jeff.

Then up to 100, Fee and Marin.

So, Marin, a nice low score from you could keep you in the game.

Best of luck with that.

We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

We're going to put seven more famous 18th century figures

on the board, and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those short novels again...

LAUGHTER

Phew! Now, Marin.

Marin, welcome back. Remind us what you do.

-I'm a student as well at Winchester University.

-Doing theatre.

But what do you combine yours with? Fee does event management.

I do drama and performing arts.

-So very much theatre-based.

-Yeah.

Do you think you'll go on into theatre when you finish?

-Um, hopefully. Possibly.

-Maybe teaching drama or...

That'd be cool.

OK. Now, Marin, this board is all yours.

We need a low score from you.

I'm hoping there's something leaping out at you from that board.

-A nice obscure one.

-No.

-Erm...

-MARIN LAUGHS

I'm going to try.

I think I might know one, but I'm not really sure at all.

But I'm going to try.

I think the storming of the Bastille...

France?

LAUGHTER

-France, says Marin.

-Maybe not. I'm not sure.

Well, let's find out.

No red line for you as you're the high-scorers

but let's see how many of our 100 people said France.

It's right.

-51.

-Yes!

APPLAUSE

151 is your total.

You are just still in the game.

There were only seven prisoners in the Bastille at the time.

There were huge ammunition stores in the same place

and that's what they were really after.

The revolutionaries adopted decimal time,

which is 100 minutes an hour, ten hours a day, ten days a week.

Imagine! People who made calendars must have just coined it.

They were laughing, those guys.

-Cos then they changed it back very soon afterwards.

-Wa-hey!

-Also, it was awful, everyone's iPhones...

-Yeah.

-..you had to sync them, resync them...

-Yeah.

People not making appointments.

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-iPhone.

Yes. Exactly.

They also guillotined 18,000 people.

So it wasn't all larks.

True.

-18,000.

-That's a lot.

-That's back when there weren't as many people.

-Yeah.

I always find it impossible to imagine that history's real, do you?

-Sometimes.

-It's weird, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-And not that long ago, really. Actually, really.

-It's really not.

If you lie lifetimes end to end,

you only have to go a few lifetimes back to get there.

-And then you're there, it's real people doing real things.

-Oh, yeah.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

Now, Jeff.

Jeff, we come back to you.

Welcome back, lovely to have you back.

You were awfully unlucky last time.

It's looking good for you now,

98 or less gets you into the next round.

Remind us, you're a retired schoolteacher.

-That's right, yes.

-Talk us through

some of the lovely things you do down in Exmouth.

I help repair Exmouth Cricket Club,

I collect stamps...

What are the main repairs at Exmouth Cricket Club?

We have about half a mile of hedge to cut every year

-and trees to lop down and weeds to pull out.

-Yeah.

-Nothing to do with cricket...

-All got to be done, though.

All got to be done. And how is the cricket team doing?

Very well, they won the Devon Championship last year.

Excellent. Good stuff.

Is there a shield for well-kept grounds and things like that?

Do you get any thanks, any notice?

Any credit for your expert hedging?

We get free tea and coffee and biscuits on a fairly regular basis.

Can't say no to that.

OK, now, Jeff, there you are on 52.

As I say, 98 or less gets you through.

I think you'll have a good answer from this board.

The Act of Union passed in 1707 was with Scotland.

Scotland, says Jeff.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

Here's your red line, nice and high.

It's right and you are through.

-34.

-APPLAUSE

34, taking your total up to 86.

Well played, Jeff, safely through.

In the 18th century, Scotland was the most well-read nation on Earth.

They had 75% literacy as well.

Better than anywhere else.

-That's good, isn't it?

-It is good.

-Well done, them.

-That's why we joined up with them.

-Yeah, exactly.

-To improve our stats.

-Yeah, exactly that.

-Thank you very much indeed. Now, Chris.

-Hello.

Welcome to Pointless, good to have you here. What do you do, Chris?

I work in HR.

And what do you do as a hobby?

I like to play a bit of football, tennis.

I've got a small baby boy, so I look after him.

-What sort of age?

-Nine months-ish.

Very good, congratulations.

How do you and Shaun know each other?

We're old school friends when we lived up in Northamptonshire

and then we moved to London and lived together for a while.

Um, old buddies, really.

Very good. OK, there you are on 33.

You're through to the next round whatever your score

but let's have a nice low score.

Well...

I could make an educated guess at a couple.

But given that we're already through,

I think Turnip Townshend sounds like a nice name.

OK, Turnip Townshend, says Chris.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

No red line, as you're already through.

It's right.

Down it goes. Look at that, nine for Turnip Townshend. Extraordinary.

-APPLAUSE

-42, your total.

The lowest total of the round.

Well played, Chris. Absolutely right.

The first man in Britain to take turnip seriously.

-Yeah.

-Obviously using them in a crop rotation system,

rather than leaving fields fallow.

-They call you 'Artichoke' Armstrong, don't they?

-They do.

I've never worked out why.

-There must be a reason.

-I'll explain later.

-All right.

-Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Cheryl.

-Hi.

-Am I saying that right, Cheryl?

-Cheryl.

-You don't like Sheryl?

-I don't. I used to cry, but not any more.

Thank goodness, and thank goodness I didn't say Sheryl.

There's nothing worse than a name

that's very close to the proper name.

-It's my mother's fault.

-Is it?

-Yes.

She was most particular? Had to be Cheryl.

Some people call me Alexandra.

That's even the wrong sex.

-I know!

-CHERYL LAUGHS

I stand in front of them and they say, "Name?"

I say, "Alexander Armstrong" and they just write "Alexandra"

on a thing that I have to stick on my lapel.

ALEXANDER STUTTERS

-It's a girl's name. It is a girl's name.

-It is.

-ALEXANDER EXHALES

-I just...Calm down, it's fine.

Anyway, what do you do, Cheryl?

I'm a finance manager for a stately home in Yorkshire.

That's quite fun. Nice place to work?

It's a lovely place to work.

Is it part of a large organisation of stately homes?

It's one stately home but it's got lots of little operations.

It's got some wall gardens and park lodges and...

-Privately lived in?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Excellent. Now, Cheryl, what are you going to go for?

-The good news is you're already through.

-Thank goodness.

But you could always talk us through this board and supply some answers.

I could.

Erm...

..I would say that three British monarchs were Georges.

I haven't got a clue about the economist.

I would guess that centigrade was Fahrenheit,

but I think I'll go Tom Jones and I think it's Henry Fielding.

Henry Fielding, says Cheryl. No red line, you're already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Henry Fielding.

-It's right.

-Phew.

17 that has scored you, taking your total up to 64.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well done indeed.

Well played, Cheryl, well done. You were right about George as well.

There were three British Georges, British monarchs called George.

40 points for that.

The centigrade one is Celsius.

That would have scored you...

..23.

And Adam Smith and David Hume both died in Edinburgh.

-It's the best answer up there, eight points.

-Thank you very much.

At the end of our first round, the pair heading home,

with a high score of 151, I'm sorry, Marin and Fee, it's you again.

Two round ones.

-We haven't seen nearly enough of you.

-Embarrassing!

No, they were quite tough rounds.

I'm sorry we have to say goodbye so soon,

-but thanks very much for playing, Marin and Fee.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well, we're now down to three pairs.

At the end of this round we have to say goodbye to another pair

but, Chris and Shaun, well done, lowest individual score there

and lowest combined score, so, very good.

Then, Jill and Cheryl, you were next.

And then, Gemma and Jeff, you were our high-scorers

so look out over there on the far podium.

One more round to go before you make it to the head-tohead

and you can confer before you give your answers. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Musical Collaborations, Richard.

In a moment we're going to show you a list of four musical artists.

Tell us the name of anyone that's ever had a UK top 40 hit

alongside one of these people.

If they're a named featured artist alongside one of these people

and they've had a UK top 40 hit and that is up to the start of 2014.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much.

So, any artist or band who's collaborated

with any of these four singers.

Let's find out who those four singers are.

Cheryl.

This is about as bad as it can get.

CHERYL LAUGHS

The only person I can think of is Jason Donovan.

OK. You're going to go for Jason Donovan.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jason Donovan.

It's right.

-38.

-APPLAUSE

38 for Jason Donovan.

Perfectly good answer, Cheryl.

It was kept off the Christmas number one slot by Mistletoe And Wine.

But then the next week it went to number one.

There we are. Now, Shaun.

-Hi.

-What are you going to go for?

This is also a tough round for me. Erm...

..I think Rihanna

collaborated with Calvin Harris.

Calvin Harris, says Shaun. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

38, you pass.

That's a great answer, one! Look at that. Calvin Harris, one.

APPLAUSE

Good work, Shaun.

Great answer. The Scottish DJ and producer.

They were number one for six weeks with We Found Love.

-Thanks very much indeed. Now, Gemma.

-Mm...

-Gemma.

-Um...

..oh, I'm torn.

I think I'm going to say Paul McCartney and...

..Stevie Wonder?

Stevie Wonder, says Gemma.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Stevie Wonder.

38 is our highest score, one is our low.

Passed 38.

24.

Not bad at all.

APPLAUSE

They had another number one with Ebony And Ivory,

which was banned in South Africa.

-For many years.

-Really?

-Yes, it was.

-That's taking things a bit far.

-A little bit far.

And also because Stevie Wonder was a vocal supporter

of Nelson Mandela all through the years of Apartheid.

But it was voted the world's worst ever duet by listeners of 6 Music.

-GENTLE LAUGHTER

-It's not a great song.

-No, though we'd all applaud the sentiment.

-Exactly.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's look at the scores. One, the best score, Shaun and Chris.

Then up to 24, Gemma and Jeff. Looking good so far.

Just one more pass to go and you are into the head-tohead.

Then up to 38 where we find Cheryl and Jill. A little bit ahead there.

Jill, get thinking of a nice low-scoring answer

and let's hope it's good enough to keep you in the round.

OK, we'll come back down the line,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

-Right, now then, Jeff.

-Yes.

I'm guessing this isn't your favourite round.

-It's not, no.

-You're on 24.

The high scorers are on 38 so you need to score 13 or less

to be sure of a place in the next round.

Um, David Bowie sang with Mick Jagger, I think.

Mick Jagger, says Jeff.

Mick Jagger. There is your red line.

If you get below that,

you are through to the head-tohead for sure.

Let's see how many people said Mick Jagger.

It's right, Jeff.

-Not bad at all, 27.

-APPLAUSE

I think that's enough to keep you in the game.

Takes your total to 51.

Well played, Jeff. Dancing In The Streets.

It was another number one single as well.

I think that's a pretty bad duet.

-It is pretty bad, yeah.

-And the video is...

..if you haven't seen that video in a while, take a look at it. It's quite something.

-Something's up.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Thanks very much indeed.

-Now, Chris.

-Yes.

You have to score 49 or less.

The only one that I can think of that's definitely right,

I think, is Kylie Minogue did a duet with Robbie Williams.

Robbie Williams, says Chris.

Here is your red line.

Get below this and you are through to the head-to-head.

Let's see how many people said Robbie Williams.

It's right.

You're absolutely through.

-APPLAUSE

-22. Takes your total up to 23.

Lowest score, lowest total.

Well played, Chris. They had a number two hit with Kids.

-It is actually quite a good song.

-It's not bad.

-Mm.

Not bad at all. Now, Jill.

We have a game on our hands.

You have to score 12 or less or we say goodbye to you.

-Pressure.

-12 or less.

-OK.

Robbie Williams was cruelly stolen from me.

However, I believe Michael Jackson did a duet with Paul McCartney.

Michael Jackson, says Jill.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

There's your red line. It's quite low.

Can you get below that with Michael Jackson?

Ooh, 16! So close!

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 54.

I'm so sorry.

That's unlucky. They had two hits, actually.

-They had The Girl Is Mine and...

-Say Say Say.

-Yes.

There's quite a few pointless answers. Let's take a look at a few.

David Guetta teamed up with Rihanna.

Keith Washington teamed up Kylie Minogue,

Lenny Kravitz with David Bowie.

Linda McCartney with Paul McCartney, of course. Ne-Yo with Rihanna.

Pat Metheny Group with David Bowie.

Taio Cruz and Travie McCoy both had hits with Kylie

-and The Frog Chorus, of course, with Paul McCartney.

-Fantastic.

Thank you very much, Richard.

At the end of our second round, the pair who are heading home,

just out in front there,

Jill and Cheryl.

I'm so sorry to be saying goodbye to you now,

but we'll see you again next time.

Look forward to that. Thanks very much for playing.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Chris and Shaun, Gemma and Jeff,

you're one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands

at £3,000. There we are.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed.

So, it's friends versus family.

Chris and Shaun on their first appearance on Pointless

and Gemma and Jeff,

we said goodbye to you last time at the end of Round Two.

You've made it to the head-to-head.

I think you can always relax a bit once you've made it,

you can confer.

Your different areas of expertise can combine.

I think this is going to be very good, very close.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

Famous Moustache Wearers Minus Their Moustaches. Richard.

Absolutely, what more do you need me to add?

We'll show you five people who are famous for having moustaches.

But they don't have 'em here. What do you think about that?

Well, let's see.

-You have to identify them.

-You have to identify them.

The people, not the moustaches.

-Not moustaches.

-There will be no moustaches here.

Of course there won't.

OK, let's reveal our five nakedly upper-lipped moustache-ists.

And here they are. We have...

OK.

Five famous moustache wearers, sans moustache.

Chris and Shaun, you've been our low-scorers so far,

so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

Let's go, let's go B then.

Well, we think we know the first three,

it's just which one's going to be the lowest scorer,

so we're going to go for B and Charlie Chaplin.

B, Charlie Chaplin, say Chris and Shaun.

B, Charlie Chaplin. Gemma and Jeff,

they're all yours. Talk us through them.

Um...

..A is a bit of a heart-throb, isn't he? Tom Selleck.

C I think is, um...

-..David Seaman.

-Mm.

And I don't know any of the others!

-Do you?

-Go through them.

-THEY LAUGH

Um, I think I'd go for C.

Are you sure? Not A?

No, I'm going to go for A, Tom Selleck...

-You think?

-Yeah.

OK, we're going to go for Tom Selleck. A.

We have Chris and Shaun saying Charlie Chaplin.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that for B.

It's right.

20, Charlie Chaplin.

APPLAUSE

Jeff and Gemma, meanwhile, have said A is Tom Selleck.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

-53 for Tom Selleck.

-APPLAUSE

Which means, well done, Chris and Shaun,

after one question, you're up 1-0.

Charlie Chaplin's a very good answer there.

Tom Selleck, in that picture, he's one of those rare men who's got...

-Both of his eyebrows are the size of moustaches.

-Yeah.

Either one of them, they could slide down his face and he'd be fine.

He could use it on an off day.

Now, C is David Seaman. Would've scored you fewer points.

Would've scored you 45.

Let's leave D for a minute.

E, of course, is Burt Reynolds.

Would've scored you 38.

Now, D is a very famous moustache wearer.

Used to paint on his moustache and then grew one in later life.

And it's Groucho Marx.

-Oh, wow.

-Three points.

-It's a good one, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Very good indeed. Thanks very much, Richard.

So, here comes your second question.

Gemma and Jeff, you get to answer first

but you have to win it to stay in the game, so best of luck. It concerns...

Popular Groceries.

We're simply going to show you five items from the shopping basket

they use to work out the Retail Price Index.

We've missed out alternate letters from each one.

Can you tell us what they are, please?

OK, let's reveal our five grocery items, and here they are...

I'll read through those one last time...

Gemma and Jeff, you will go first.

Feel free to confer.

Third one is cheddar cheese.

THEY WHISPER

Do you know what first and second are?

I think we're going to go for the third one down,

cheddar cheese.

Cheddar cheese, say Gemma and Jeff. Now, Chris and Shaun, over to you.

We're going to go for the top one. Cauliflower.

Cauliflower. So, we have cheddar cheese and cauliflower.

-Imagine if someone put those two together.

-LAUGHTER

-Sounds crazy.

-No, but it could be delicious.

-No, no, don't try it.

-Think about it.

-No, no, no. What would you call it?

Like, cauliflower cheese or something?

-Eurgh.

-I was thinking of cheesy-flower or something.

-What do you think?

-That's interesting.

-OK, well,

we'll try it later.

OK, so, in the order they were given,

Gemma and Jeff went for cheddar cheese.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

-28 is what it scores you.

-APPLAUSE

Cheddar cheese, 28.

Now, Chris and Shaun,

let's see what you have got for cauliflower.

It's right.

If this beats cheddar cheese... It does!

Cauliflower goes down to 16, well done.

APPLAUSE

Chris and Shaun, after only two questions,

you are straight through to the Final, 2-0. Well done.

Well played, gents. There is one answer

that would've beaten cauliflower and that's the second one down.

-Salmon fillets.

-Salmon fillets, yeah.

Would've scored you one point.

Then instant coffee.

Would've scored you 40.

And rump steak.

26.

Thank you very much indeed.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head,

I'm afraid, Gemma and Jeff.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers there,

but Chris and Shaun just pipped you in each case.

This is where we say goodbye, but it's been lovely having you on, thank you so much for playing.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But for Chris and Shaun, it's now time for our Pointless Final.

Congratulations, Chris and Shaun,

you've fought off all the competition

-and you have won our coveted Pointless Trophy.

-Excellent.

You now have a chance to win our jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £3,000.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

APPLAUSE

Turning into quite a jackpot. But well done, you.

Lowest scorers in Round One and Two. 2-0 in the head-to-head.

I mean, it's looking pretty good, I have to say.

You get to choose your category from the four we put up on the board.

Today's selection looks like this...

Well, I know about two Japanese animated films.

Jazz Albums, no idea.

I think it's out the bottom two, isn't it?

I'd say probably Science and Maths.

-OK. Go for it. Science and Maths?

-Science and Maths.

Science and Maths it is. Richard.

OK, different sort of category, this.

I'm sure some people at home will enjoy this. I hope you do as well.

We are looking for any of the following:

We are looking for any SI unit,

that's any of the seven base units or 22 coherent derived SI units

that have been given special names.

We are looking for any prime numbers in double figures.

Or we are looking for any number

in the Fibonacci sequence between one and 1,000, please.

So any of those SI units, any prime numbers in double figures,

or any of the Fibonacci numbers between one and 1,000.

-Good luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

You've got up to a minute to come up with three answers and all you need

to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

Your time starts now.

Do you know any Fibonacci numbers?

Yeah, I can't remember. I don't know what SI units are.

I think we'll just have to guess prime numbers.

I think 97 must be a prime number.

-And that is in double figures.

-Yeah.

-You know what prime numbers are?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

97, is there going to be an easier one?

-179?

-70...

..73, would that be? No, that wouldn't.

Not divisible by itself, isn't it? Is that right?

It's only divisible by itself, the prime number. So 73, what's that?

73, 97.

-139?

-That's not double figures, though.

Fibonacci, I can't remember. My dad will kill me.

I can't remember what Fibonacci numbers are.

-67...

-They're kind of a little cycle.

67.

67...

..73...

-..and 97.

-Ten seconds left.

-Is SI units something off, like, elements from the periodic table?

-I've not got a clue.

-SHAUN LAUGHS

-No.

-No.

-I think we'll just have to guess prime numbers.

-So those ones we said.

-Yeah.

OK, that is your time up.

-I now need your three answers. What are you going to go for?

-(Is it 73?)

-Yeah, 73.

-73.

Ninety...

-..seven.

-97.

And 67.

And 67.

OK, three prime numbers.

Which of those is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Any!

-Let's go 97.

97 we'll put last. Least likely to be pointless?

-I think...

-I'm so bad at my maths.

One of them probably isn't a prime number. 67?

-We'll put 67 first.

-Yeah.

Let's put those up on the board in that order and here they are.

There we are, to be absolutely clear. Very best of luck.

Three. Who knows? Maybe they're brilliant answers up there.

I'm afraid I haven't been doing the maths.

Now, only one of them has to be pointless

for you to win that jackpot.

3,000 quid, that's quite a nice jackpot to be taking home.

What would you do with that, Chris?

-I'm getting married in a few months' time.

-Congratulations.

Thank you very much. So maybe the wedding or the stag do.

Can I suggest maybe a bit on each?

-LAUGHTER

-Maybe front-loaded on the wedding.

At least for the cameras, anyway.

Shaun, how about you?

I'm actually his best man

so I probably should be spending it on the stag do...

-Definitely.

-That and probably a holiday after the stag do.

Yeah, you'll probably need it. Well, very best of luck.

Three good answers there.

We are looking for prime numbers in double figures.

Your first answer was 67.

It has to be right, then it has to be pointless for you to win.

For £3,000, let's see how many people said 67.

It is right.

Now it has to go down to zero. Passes 67, which is good.

Down it goes, through the 30s, through the 20s,

through the teens, into single figures,

still going down, down it goes,

down it goes, you've done it!

CHEERING

Super. Brilliant, brilliant. Very well done.

Thank you. Well done, mate!

-APPLAUSE

-Brilliant.

Well, congratulations.

67, your first answer as it turns out

was a pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £3,000.

Very well done indeed.

WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE

Well played, gents.

You came up with three prime numbers in that 60 seconds.

That is the only pointless one, though.

The other two would've scored you one point and four points.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Ordered them wrong, but you won the money. Well played.

67, I don't know why that would be a pointless one.

There's a bit in your head that tells you it's divisible by three, even though it's not.

But nobody mentioned it at all.

Let's take a look at the categories.

The SI units first.

Some people will have cleaned up on this.

A farad would have been a pointless answer. A gray, a kelvin, a weber.

You could've had a becquerel, katal, lumen, lux, radian,

siemens, sievert and a tesla.

All of those were pointless answers. Well done if you said any of those.

Prime numbers, only two of them.

61 and 67. CHRIS AND SHAUN WHISPER

And the Fibonacci sequence, it's the sequence where every number is

the sum of the two numbers before it.

There's five of them, which are over 100 and they were all pointless.

You could've had 144,

233. You add those two together, you get 377.

You add 233 and 377 together, you get 610,

which is also a pointless answer.

And 610 and 377

are 987.

That was a pointless answer, too. Well done if you got any of those at home.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Thanks again to our winning players, Chris and Shaun,

who go away with today's jackpot of £3,000.

-Very well done.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time

when we'll put more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

APPLAUSE