Episode 44 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the aim of the game

is to find the most obscure answer possible.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hi, my name's Tom, this is my brother, Jon,

and we're from Burnham-on-Sea in Somerset.

Couple number two.

Hi, I'm Liz, this is Emma,

we're both from Ossett in West Yorkshire

and we've been friends for about ten years.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Sarah, and this is my partner Shaun

and we're from Torquay in Devon.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Lorraine, and this is my lovely husband, Steve,

And we are...together for 25 years now.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

If he were an animal, he would be a horse

because he is unpredictable, majestic

and notoriously difficult to lead to water.

It's my pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

APPLAUSE Afternoon, everybody.

-Ah... How are you today?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-We've Liz and Emma back from the last show, haven't we?

-Yeah.

The only returning pair there.

Got through to the head-to-head, got knocked out by...

Well, they really got knocked out by Emily.

There was Dave and Emily, father and daughter.

-Emily was good.

-She was fantastic.

And then in the jackpot round, Dave took over...

-Jackpot.

-Yeah.

-So it was lovely.

A great father and daughter combination there.

Played it superbly. Should be a cracker today.

Round One might upset some people,

Round Two is the sort of round I get asked for all the time.

-All the time.

-Good.

So, a bit of an upset Round One, and then pudding, Round Two.

-Well, lots of people will like Round One, to be fair.

-OK.

-I would like Round One.

-Fair enough.

That's why I put it in. LAUGHTER

OK, well, lots to look forward to there.

-Thanks very much...

-Oh, so much look to forward to.

-Yeah, plenty to look forward to.

-I would be even more enthu...

If I was you and I knew what I knew, I'd be even more enthusiastic.

-LAUGHTER

-Was that a bit...er.

-Do you want me to up a bit...?

-Well, only cos you don't know what's...

You don't know the...glories we have in store here.

It's going to be sen...sational.

With a big gap between the sen and sational

cos it's so sensational. LAUGHTER

I'm going so far, we'll go so far as to say the sen...

..sational. LAUGHTER

Wow. You could drive a car through that, couldn't you?

-Yeah, you really could.

-Amazing.

-You really could.

I'm going to up the enthusiasm. Thank you so much.

-I can't wait for that!

-Aw, that's better.

Aw, these rounds, I have no idea about, they're going to be amazing.

Well, as you'll have gathered, Dave and Emily won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000. There it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

All you have to remember is this -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

You heard what the man said. This is going to be sen...

-..sational.

-LAUGHTER

Our first category today is...

..football! What about that? There we go. Football.

Can you decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is, here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Teams that played in the 2014 FA Cup. Richard.

Yeah, simply looking for the names of any of the 64 teams

that competed from the third round onwards of the 2014 FA Cup.

-Good luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Tom, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Great to have you here. Now...

-That's a good look, Tom.

-Thank you.

That is. I'm suddenly thinking, this is look of the...

What we calling this decade, by the way?

-What the post-noughties decade?

-Yeah, what do we call it? The teens?

-It's a bit rubbish.

-The tens, I would think.

-The tens.

-2010s.

2010s. The tens. But that's a tens look.

I think that's turning into a tens look.

-It is, yes. It's very tens.

-It's a good...

Has it got a, has it got a... I'm sorry to call your look a look.

-I mean, I know it's very individual and very much Tom.

-Of course.

But what do we call that look, Richard?

I would say hipster lumberjack.

-Exactly right, yeah.

-LAUGHTER

-Exactly. Do you play a guitar or a folk related instrument?

-I don't.

-I've actually had this beard since I was about...

-Five.

Not quite, not quite,

but I was known as the bearded boy throughout school.

RICHARD LAUGHS

-Throughout school?

-Secondary school.

-OK, OK.

That's...very slightly less sinister, yes.

So I had the beard before it was cool.

I... Good for you. You led the way.

You are why, my friend, that beard is cool.

-Thank you.

-Very good. And what do you do, Tom?

I'm a retail manager in fashion.

-In fashion.

-Yeah.

-That's why he knows about the look.

-Yeah.

-So then, Tom.

-Yes.

-Do you follow football?

-I do, yes.

-Phew.

-Quite relieved this has come up first.

-Yeah.

Erm... I've decided I'm going to risk it.

Hopefully, Jon will be prepared to bail me out if I get this wrong.

-He won't.

-I am going to go with Peterborough United.

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS

Did you know how popular that was going to be with the audience?

-LAUGHTER

-Is that why you went for it?

-No.

Peterborough United, says Tom.

That does not often get that sort of cheer,

I'm going to be honest with you. LAUGHTER

Peterborough United. Well, let's see if it's right.

Well, it'll be embarrassing if it's not.

Let's see how many people said it if it is.

It's right. Very well done indeed, Tom.

No need for Jon to bail you out after that.

Down it goes.

-It's a pointless answer, Tom!

-CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

That adds £250 to today's jackpot. Takes the total up to £1,250.

It scores you nothing and gets us off to a rollicking start.

Very well done indeed, Tom. What a great start.

Great start to the show, Tom. And confirmation, as if it was needed,

that Peterborough is pointless. I didn't know if that was...

LAUGHTER

We have a group in from Peterborough. LAUGHTER

You know what? A lovely place, Peterborough,

a great football team.

Got through to the third round. They got no further, unfortunately.

-Thank you very much.

-I'm sure it's a lovely place. Is it?

-It's a lovely place.

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

It's particularly lovely if you're wanting to get a train

out to Wisbech, March, Cambridge...

-Peterborough is like a godsend.

-LAUGHTER

-Thanks very much indeed. Now then, Emma, welcome back.

-Hello.

-Head-to-head last time.

-Yes.

-Strong performance, but then you got booted out.

-We did.

You were routed in the head-to-head there, Emma.

We didn't do that bad.

Two-nil... Anyway, it's fine. It's all right.

No, you didn't do badly at all.

-We had two good answers from you, you were just underscored.

-Yes.

-Hm... Football.

-Er, so, yes, football.

-Hmm.

-Not that...

You don't mind football, do you, Emma?

My son plays football, but I'm not, you know,

he didn't play in the FA Cup in 2014.

That was going to be my next question, yes.

I'm going to play it safe.

I'm going to go for a team that I know played in the final.

I'm going to go for Hull.

Hull. OK, Hull. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Hull.

It's right.

That is not bad at all.

-Look at that. 7, Emma.

-APPLAUSE

7 for Hull.

Yeah, a low score, Emma, for a team beaten in the final.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Shaun, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here.

-Thank you.

-From Torquay?

-Yes, indeed.

-What do you do down in Torquay, Shaun?

I'm a business development manager.

-And... For what?

-For an injection moulder.

It's... So we make plastic bits.

It's a glorified salesman.

All that sounds fun.

-An injection moulder...

-Yes.

Tell me about that. What's the injection bit?

Erm, well, basically, we put two bits of plastic together

-and make all kinds of everything you see around you.

-Now, that's fun.

-Plastic is everywhere.

-That is fun, isn't it? That's great.

But you go out and sell the bits that other people have made

-or are you there for the moulding too?

-We do both of it.

-We sell it and we make it.

-Good stuff.

What are your hobbies when you're not doing that?

-I like football, so, you know, this helps.

-Got to be happy with that.

-Obviously, you live right by the sea.

-Yes.

Do you make use of the sea? Are you a surfer? Are you a keen swimmer?

Erm... I'm not a surfer or a keen swimmer really.

-Are you an eater or fish and chips?

-Yes.

-There we are.

We've found something, we've found something. Good.

-So, football, Shaun.

-Yes.

We've got two scores so far - pointless and 7.

Where do you think you're going to come on that scale?

Well, I hope I come low down. Erm...

-Let's see where, see how, where we go.

-OK, OK.

Right, OK, I think I'm going to have choose,

cos we've mentioned it so much,

I'm going to have to choose my local club, Torquay United.

Torquay United.

Two people in the audience very happy about that. This is good.

Let's see if it's right, Torquay United,

let's see how many people said it.

Oh, I'm sorry, Shaun.

I'm sorry, the column has spoken,

and I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

-which means you score 100 points.

-Oh, right, OK.

-Oh, that's news to Shaun.

-Yeah, sorry, Shaun.

They didn't make it as far as the third round, I'm afraid.

It's a lovely place, Torquay, but it's no Peterborough.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Steve, welcome to Pointless.

-Hello, thank you.

-Great to have you here.

And where are you from?

We live in West London now. I'm originally from Brighton.

Right you are. And what do you do, Steve?

I'm a consultant engineer in the oil industry.

-So does that mean you travel around a lot?

-Yeah.

I have done in the past. I don't quite so much of that any more.

Whereabouts have you been? Sort of Central Africa or...?

Yeah, North Africa, Central Africa, South America.

All sorts of rough and ready places.

-Right, quite nice to be back in London, I should think.

-Indeed.

Very good. And what are your hobbies, Steve?

Well, I like sport - I like football, cricket,

all that sort of thing.

I like travel. Like a bit of art now and again.

-Now and again.

-Yeah.

-Not too much.

-Not too much.

-You can have too much of a good thing, can't you?

-Yeah, yeah.

Now, Steve, what are you going to go for?

Well, I'm going to go with the kind of local team at home

which is, in fact, Brighton and Hove Albion Football Club.

Brighton and Hove Albion. Let's see that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

Well, 7 is our highest score

for a correct answer.

Seagulls pass that. Down to 4. Look at that.

Very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Steve. They had a pretty good cup run this year, Brighton,

but got beaten by Hull in a replay.

Thank you very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. Tom, very well done indeed.

A pointless answer right at the top of the show there.

Tom and Jon looking pretty commanding on the back of that.

Then up to 4 where we find Steve and Lorraine,

then up to 7 where we find Emma and Liz,

and then up to 100, I'm afraid, Shaun and Sarah.

Sarah...

anything might happen in the next pass. Anything might happen.

-How good's your football?

-Mm... OK.

Well, listen, it might be enough, it might be enough to keep you in.

-What we definitely need is a score of under 7 from you.

-OK.

Just to keep the flame alive, you know what I'm saying? Best of luck.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium.

So, remember, we are looking for teams

that played in the 2014 FA Cup.

Lorraine, welcome.

-Hello.

-And you said you've been married 25 years.

-No, well...

-Nearly.

-Been together 20... Feels like it.

No, we've been together for 25 years.

-We've been married for 19, I think.

-For 19. Where did you get married?

-Las Vegas.

-Oh, that's fun.

-Who married you?

-Merlin.

-Not Elvis. OK.

-Elvis is dead.

LAUGHTER

-Whoa, spoiler alert.

-No, no...

-LAUGHTER

I think he lives, I think he lives.

-Erm, Merlin.

-Yes.

Because he's very much alive, good.

-So...

-LAUGHTER

How did Merlin conduct the ceremony?

Well, he did ask if we actually wanted to

dress as Arthur and Guinevere and we thought that was tacky.

So we said, "No."

Just the whole pointy beard, spangly...is fine.

-Which he did that anyway.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

What was the thinking behind it?

Well, I don't even know if it was legal, to be honest.

LAUGHTER

-Have you got a marriage certificate now?

-We've got a photocopy of one.

-I don't...

-LAUGHTER

-Has it got a round table emblem on it?

-Yes!

-Yes.

-It sounds...

Does it say Ye Olde Marriage Certificate-e at the top?

-SHE LAUGHS

-Yes.

Were either of you remotely sober at the time?

-Yes, well...

-Partly.

So the Merlin thing was by design or was it just cos he was there?

Well, we got married in Camelot, so...

LAUGHTER

Finally, it's explained. LAUGHTER

Very good.

Now, Lorraine, great answer from Steve in the first pass there.

You're on 4, 95 or less gets you through.

What do you think you're going to go for?

So, um, I'll play it safe then,

so I will say my own team, which is Liverpool.

Liverpool, says Lorraine. Liverpool.

Here's your red line -

if you can get below that red line with Liverpool,

you are through to Round Two.

You are through to Round Two.

52. Takes your total up to 56.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, that's all you had to do there.

Got knocked out in the fifth round as well. Same as Brighton.

-Thanks very much indeed. Now, Sarah, welcome to the show.

-Hello.

-And what do you do, Sarah?

-I'm a staff nurse.

-Staff nurse.

And that doesn't give you a lot of time off, I would imagine?

Um, well, I only work part-time cos I've got two little kids.

-How old are they?

-They're three and two.

-Sleeping now, pretty much.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-They're quite good at sleeping.

-Aw, that's good.

Don't get up too early in the mornings.

-Well...

-Yeah...

-Yeah...

And what are your hobbies aside from looking after those two?

Well, when I get time, after looking after the kids,

I like to just chill out - reading... Um...

-go to the gym, sometimes...

-Excellent.

-Well, you know what it said you had to do.

-Yes.

That time has come. 6 or less, I'd say.

Right, OK. Erm...

I'm going to say...Sunderland.

Sunderland, says Sarah. Let's see if that's right.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Sunderland.

It is right.

20.

APPLAUSE

I'm afraid that wasn't six or less. 120 is your total.

Yeah, they reached the quarterfinals. They also lost to Hull.

This is like a Hull special.

-LAUGHTER

-Thanks very much indeed.

-Now then, Liz.

-Hello.

-Liz, welcome back.

-Thank you.

Remind us all about yourself.

I'm originally from Ossett in West Yorkshire, but now living in London.

-I like to travel, erm... I like cooking and baking.

-Good stuff.

-OK, so, listen, great news, you're through.

-Yay.

You're through to the next round - doesn't matter what you score.

What are you going to go for?

Erm, OK, well, any answer that I give

will be a complete stab in the dark,

because I have not got a clue.

Erm... So I will go for Bolton Wanderers.

Bolton Wanderers, says Liz.

No red line as you're already through,

but let's see how many people said Bolton Wanderers.

It's right.

10 for Bolton Wanderers.

Very well done indeed. Takes your total up to 17.

-Lovely low total there.

-Well done, Liz.

Yeah, they reached the fourth round

but almost uniquely managed to avoid Hull City.

-LAUGHTER

-Don't know how.

-Yeah.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now, Jon, welcome.

-Hello.

Good to have you. What do you do, Jon?

-I work in a hair and beauty salon in Burnham-on-Sea.

-Excellent.

-Is that a unisex hair salon?

-Yes, yes.

Do you do ladies' hair or gentlemen's hair? Do you mind...

-Gentlemen's.

-You just do the gentlemen's hair.

-Yes.

And do you favour a scissor or a comb and a razor?

-I like to mix it up, really.

-Yeah, that's good.

-Um... Yeah.

-The razor's always good. Clippers. Anything.

-Excellent.

Do you put one of those big, heavy, rubbery things over the shoulders?

Yes, the heavier the better.

-What are they called?

-Er...neck mats.

-Nothing imaginative, I'm afraid.

-Of course it's called a neck mat,

that's exactly what it should be called.

Ah... The joy of going to the barbershop.

Isn't it marvellous?

-And what are your interests outside of hair?

-Football.

-I'm an Arsenal fan, so...

-AUDIENCE MEMBER CHEERS

-A lot of vocal fans of all sorts of different things out there.

-I know.

You would think we had an audience of about 40,000, wouldn't you?

LAUGHTER

It's just three very undecided people.

-LAUGHTER

-So, yes,

what are you going to go for, Jon?

Erm... I'm going to go for,

as everyone seems to be keeping it quite local,

I'm going to go through Yeovil Town.

Yeovil Town, says Jon.

Now, Tom got a pointless answer.

-That's pressure that.

-A little bit of pressure.

No red line for you as you're already through,

but let's see how many people said Yeovil Town.

Is it right? How far down the column will it go?

It is right.

It's still going down.

-Oh, 1!

-APPLAUSE

1 for Yeovil town.

It's a great answer - our two best answers there on the first podium.

Takes your total up to 1, of course.

Well played. I would've gone for Yeovil Town as well.

That's when all the Premier League and Championship teams

go in at Round Three and Yeovil was... I knew for a fact they must

have been in it, but they're quite an obscure answer.

Only six pointless answers. So Peterborough was a terrific answer.

The team that Yeovil Town beat, actually, are a pointless answer -

it's Leyton Orient. Let's take a look at some others.

You could've said...

All these teams went out in the third round.

As did these. Oldham Athletic, Peterborough United...

CHEERS

And Plymouth Argyle? CHEERS

There we go. Also all of those are pointless.

You'd have got 1 point for Port Vale, Oxford United and Bristol Rovers.

2 points for Huddersfield, Doncaster, Macclesfield Town,

Ipswich town, funnily enough, Rochdale,

Grimsby Town and Bournemouth. Those were the low scorers.

We'll take look at the top three scorers.

The ones that most of our 100 people said.

Arsenal with 53.

They won it, of course, beating Hull City in the final.

Manchester City, 55.

And as usual, on these questions, Manchester United was 64.

Thank you very much indeed. So, at the end our first round,

I'm afraid the pair heading home with their high score of 120,

it's Shaun and Sarah.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

-Oh, well. My fault.

I'm sorry.

Well... Good to take a punt though. That's what we like.

Going out on a bit of a limb there.

I'm afraid you just went a little bit too far. That was the problem.

-Very true.

-But good new is we get to see you again.

You'll be back next time when I'm sure you'll do much better,

but in the meantime, thanks very much for playing, Sarah and Shaun.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

And so now we're down to three pairs.

Obviously, at the end of this round,

we'll have to say goodbye to one of the pairs in front of me now.

Well, Tom and Jon, what an exemplary turn you had there.

Very, very good indeed. Individually and together, obviously.

Let's hope we get some others. That kind of fell very well for them.

Let's hope that some subjects that fall equally well for Steve

and Lorraine and Liz and Emma. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Let's find out what our category for Round Two is today. It is...

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium

OK, and the question concerns...

Harry Potter films. Richard.

We're going to give you six clues on each pass

which will lead you to the name of an actor

who's appeared in one or more of the Harry Potter films.

Can you name the most obscure actor, please. Best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

let's reveal our first board of six clues, and here they come.

I'll read those all one last time.

Tom.

I'm in a quandary.

I think I only know...one, sadly. Possibly two.

I'm not going to risk it.

I'm going to go for the really obvious one -

played Arthur Kipps in the 2012 film The Woman In Black

and say Daniel Radcliffe.

Daniel Radcliffe, says Tom. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Daniel Radcliffe.

It's right.

44.

Not as high-scoring as you might have expected, actually, Tom,

so maybe you chose rather well there.

Yeah, the lovely, very talented Daniel Radcliffe.

Went through 160 pairs of glasses

in the filming of the Harry Potter films.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Now, Liz.

-Not going to be a good round for me.

Oh, no, this always happens.

People always say, "Ooh, we'd love Harry Potter to come up..."

And then Harry Potter comes up

and everyone says, "Oh, no, not... Oh, Harry Potter, no."

-I've never seen a Harry Potter film.

-ALEXANDER GASPS

I can picture most of the people on there,

but I can't think of any names. I don't think this is right

but I'm going to go for Julie Walters for Mrs Overall.

Julie Walters, says Liz. Well, let's see that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Julie Walters.

It is absolutely Julie Walters.

Passes 44. Down it goes.

32. Very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

Yep. Stars as Mrs Weasley in all but one of the Harry Potter films.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now then, Lorraine, you're the last person to have this board.

Do you want to talk us through it and fill in all the blanks you can?

Er...I'll have a go. I know a couple of them.

So Violet the Dowagess, Dowager, all that,

I think was Dame Maggie Smith.

Hans Gruber, I've no idea who that was.

Easter Bunny, no,

and then the lead singer of Pulp was Jarvis Cocker,

so it's toss-up between Smith and Cocker.

I'm going to go for...

-..Jarvis Cocker.

-Jarvis Cocker, says Lorraine.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said Jarvis Cocker.

It's right.

Well, 44 is our high score. You've passed it.

32 is our low score. You've passed it.

26. Well done.

-APPLAUSE

-Good answer.

Yeah, it's a good answer.

He plays the lead singer of a band in The Goblet Of Fire.

Also wrote three songs for the film as well.

And you were right to go for that rather than Dame Maggie Smith

because she would've scored you a few more points.

She's a right answer, but would've scored you 32. Hans Gruber was...

-I don't know.

-..Alan Rickman.

-Alan... Oh, right.

-Would've scored 12 points.

And the Easter Bunny in The Young Ones...

-Dawn French.

-It was Dawn French, yeah.

And that would've scored you 2.

It's the best answer up there by a mile. Well done if you said that.

Thank you very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 26 the best score of the pass.

Well done to you, Lorraine. You and Steve looking very strong.

Then up to 32, we find Liz and Emma.

Then up to 44, Tom and Jon, our low-scorers from the first round

now the high scorers. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium.

OK, let's put six more clues up on the board, and here they come.

I'll read that one last time.

Who are these actors from the Harry Potter films?

-Steve.

-Hello.

Well, looking strong at this point. Only 26 on your board.

If you can score 17 or less, you are definitely into the next round.

OK, unfortunately, I think I only know one on here,

so I'm going to have to go with...

John Cleese.

-John Cleese...

-Writing and starring in A Fish Called Wanda.

OK, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many people said John Cleese. There's your red line.

It's right.

-33, that scores you.

-APPLAUSE

-Takes the total up to 59.

-It's going to be a close round I think.

-Yeah, he plays Nearly Headless Nick.

-Thanks very much indeed.

-Now then, Emma.

-Hi.

-Emma.

-I think I know three,

and I think I'm to go for the Scottish actress

who plays Margaret Schroeder in the US TV series Boardwalk Empire,

and I think is Kelly MacDonald.

Kelly MacDonald, says Emma. Kelly MacDonald.

There's your red line. Get below that, you're in the head-to-head.

It's right.

Well done.

Very well done indeed.

A pointless answer.

That adds another £250 to today's jackpot.

Takes the total up to £1,500.

It scores you nothing, sees you into the head-to-head round,

leaves your total at 32. Very well done indeed.

Well played, Emma. Terrific answer.

Yeah, well done, she plays Helena Ravenclaw.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now then, Jon. Right, we have a game on our hands here, Jon.

You're on 44.

The high-scorers at the moment are Steve and Lorraine on 59.

14 or less keeps you in the game.

Talk us through that board if you can.

First one's Michael Gambon, but I think that's quite well known.

I don't know the actor that played Trigger in the sitcom,

and I think Emma Watson won Woman Of The Year,

but again, I think that might be too high.

So I'm going to completely risk it...

and don't know if he did direct Thor,

but I think he directed a few Harry Potters

and go for David Heyman.

David Heyman. David Heyman, says John.

OK, well, there is your red line.

Let's see if David Heyman is right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

Bad luck, John.

Good Harry Potter knowledge, he was the producer,

but I'm afraid it's incorrect.

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 144.

Yeah, it would have seen you through if you had got the right answer,

and it's someone who has directed a few things as well

and plays Professor Gilderoy Lockhart.

And it's Kenneth Branagh.

Kenneth Branagh would've scored you 5 points,

would've been a great answer.

Funnily enough, you were right,

those other two answers would have seen you knocked out,

cos Gambon, which is right, Michael Gambon,

he would've scored you 18.

Nearly flipped the car over on that corner, so they named it after in.

And Emma Watson was named Woman Of The Year

at the GQ Men Of The Year Awards,

but she would've scored you 26.

An answer that would have seen you through,

the wonderful, who played Trigger,

-the late Roger Lloyd....

-Roger Lloyd-Pack.

-Would've scored you 14 points.

-Thank you very much indeed.

So, at end of our second round,

I'm afraid the pair we're saying goodbye to is Jon and Tom.

Amazing low score from you in the first round.

I'm afraid Harry Potter didn't serve you quite so well.

But on the strength of that first round alone,

we can look forward to great things when you come back.

Thanks very much for playing. In the meantime, Jon and Tom,

-great contestants.

-APPLAUSE

But for Steve and Lorraine and Liz and Emma,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Liz and Emma, Steve and Lorraine.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £1,500.

Well, very well done getting through here.

-Liz and Emma in the head-to-head for the second time.

-Yeah.

This time, you're our low-scoring pair, so very well done.

We've had some great answers from you, actually.

A pointless answer from you, Emma, in that last round

for Kelly MacDonald which was brilliant.

Steve and Lorraine, very well negotiated.

Some great low scores from you too.

I think now you can put your heads together, this should be very close.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Breeds of horses and ponies.

-Everyone's just kicked a goal.

-LAUGHTER

We're going to show you five pictures now of breeds of horses and ponies,

we just need you to tell us the most obscure.

OK, let's reveal our five horses and ponies, and here they are.

We've got...

Aw...

There we are. Five types of horse or pony.

Now then, Liz and Emma, you've been our low scorers,

so you will go first.

-LIZ SIGHS

-What about B, the H and the N?

We're just going to have to go with Shetland, aren't we?

Erm, I think we're going to have to play safe

and go for the only one that we know for sure,

and that's D, Shetland.

D, Shetland, say Liz and Emma. D, Shetland.

Steve and Lorraine, it's over to you.

Um, so A is Clydesdale,

B, I think it's something German but I don't know what.

C I think is the Lipizzaner.

Erm...and E is a Welsh Cob.

So I think we're going to go for C, Lipizzaner.

Lipizzaner, say Lorraine and Steve. Lipizzaner.

So we have Shetland versus Lipizzaner.

Liz and Emma said Shetland.

Let's see if that's right for D,

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right, of course.

Good score.

Look at that. 15 for Shetland.

APPLAUSE

Surprisingly low score there.

Steve and Lorraine have said that C is a Lipizzaner.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

It's right. Is that going to beat Shetland?

I suspect it will. And yes, it does.

Down it goes to 7.

Not by much.

APPLAUSE

Very narrow victory there, but Steve and Lorraine, well done,

after one question, you're up one-nil.

Took us through the board very nicely, Lorraine.

I wonder how many people though at home were like me

as soon as the first one came up. You went, "Yep, carthorse."

LAUGHTER "Yeah. Pretty much."

But, yeah, it's not a carthorse, it is, as you say, a Clydesdale.

Very well played.

8 points. I so would have gone for that if I was playing.

Now, B, you're right, it is a German one.

It's a Hanoverian. Hanoverian.

It's a pointless answer as well, so well done if you said that at home.

And E is the Welsh Cob, which would have scored you 4 points.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. So here comes your second question.

Liz and Emma, you have to win this one to stay in the game,

so best of luck. It concerns...

-Bjork.

-Yep. We're going to show you five clues now to facts about Bjork.

Can you give us the most obscure answer.

-'Bjerk' we're saying, are we?

-I thought I'd go for 'Bjerk'.

I agree with you. That's right. I was going to do it my way,

and then you said it, I thought, got to do it the same way...

-What was your way?

-I do it the same as you as you're good at accents.

-I just went for the umlaut there. 'Bjerk'.

-I would have said 'Bjerk'.

-What would you have said? Bjork?

-No, I wouldn't say Bjork.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't lost my mind.

-Bjerk.

-Bjerk.

-Bjerk.

-Bjerk.

-Bjerk.

Let's hope one of the questions isn't how to pronounce her name.

-LAUGHTER

-That'd be awful.

Particularly if you got it wrong. 'Bjerk'.

OK, so, let's reveal our five clues to facts about Bjork.

Bjerk, Bjerk...

I'll read those all one last time.

Steve and Lorraine go first.

OK, well, we're going to go with the first one,

the name of her previous band, and we think that's The Sugarcubes.

The Sugarcubes. The Sugarcubes, say Steve and Lorraine.

Now, Liz and Emma, it's over to you.

Er... That's what we were going to go for unfortunately.

Country of her birth is Iceland,

the name of the bird, or the type of the bird, is a swan.

The year that It's Oh So Quiet first reached number five in the UK...

That'd be a bit of a risky guess, so...

And the director, I do know this from somewhere. Erm...

We'll have to go for the type of bird featured in the Oscars.

Er...a swan.

Swan, say Liz and Emma. Swan.

So we have The Sugarcubes versus swan.

Steve and Lorraine said The Sugarcubes.

Is that right for her previous band?

Let's see if it is. Let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

Ooh, that's a good score.

Down it goes to 8. Single figures.

APPLAUSE

Very well done.

Liz and Emma have said a swan was the type of bird

featured in the design of her dress, the infamous dress.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said swan.

It's right.

-21.

-APPLAUSE

Well, a good answer, but The Sugarcubes takes it,

which means very well done Steve and Lorraine,

after only two questions, you're through to the final two-nil.

Very well played. There was actually only one answer

that would've beaten The Sugarcubes and that was the director.

The country of her birth was Iceland, of course.

Would've scored you 61.

It's Oh So Quiet reached number four in 1995.

Would've scored you 9. And the director,

he also directed Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind,

it's Michel Gondry, is the answer to that.

Very well done if he said that at home.

Thanks very much indeed.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid it's Liz and Emma.

-What a great performance today we've had from you.

-Thank you.

Very well done. Low-scorers throughout

and into the head-to-head round as our low-scoring pair.

But I'm afraid a two-nil... like it was last time.

I don't know what it is with you and head-to-heads.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers. You scored 15 and 21.

These are normally winning scores. It's just Steve and Lorraine.

Thank you so much for playing.

-It's been lovely having you on the show.

-BOTH:

-Thank you.

-Liz and Emma, great contestants.

-APPLAUSE

All the best.

But for Steve and Lorraine, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Steve and Lorraine. You fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £1,500.

Well... Whoa!

We've thrown lots at you.

We kicked off with football, then we had Harry Potter,

and then we had horses and then we had 'Bjerk'.

And, actually, you've seen off two pairs who scored pointless answers.

I mean, amazing, amazing.

Well, as always, you get to choose your category

from the four we pop up on the board.

Let's see what we've got for you today.

-Yeah, Blues Brothers, we're not going to...

-Blue, no.

-Tyne and Wear or Scottish music. Yeah.

-You pick.

-No, it's up to you.

Oh. Erm... Shall we go Tyne and Wear?

-Go on.

-Yeah, Tyne and Wear.

-You're going to go Tyne & Wear?

-I don't know why really.

OK, Tyne and Wear it is. Richard.

OK, three very different areas here for your three questions.

We're looking for any UK top 40 single by Roxy Music.

Bryan Ferry, of course, from Tyne and Wear.

We are looking for any person who appeared

in the 1976 Likely Lads film.

So the cast of The Likely Lads film, please.

Or we're looking for -

we started with the FA Cup, we might as well and with it -

anyone who played in the FA Cup final in 1998 against Arsenal.

So anyone who played substituted on during the match.

So Roxy Music singles, the cast of The Likely Lads

or any of the players of that 1998 Newcastle United squad.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers, and all you need to win the jackpot

-is for just one of those answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

Erm, Roxy music... Er... Slave To Love, all the obvious ones.

-How about the Newcastle United squad?

-I don't remember...

-Peter Beardsley?

-Probably, yeah.

-It's 15 years ago.

-He was in the team then?

-Er...

There was a guy called Asprilla, wasn't there,

-but I don't remember his...

-Oh, yes.

You could just say Asprilla.

Erm, Likely Lads was Rodney Bewes...

Yeah, the obvious ones, but I don't know...

And the other fella...whose name we don't know.

What about Roxy Music, kind of going back to the sort of...

-Stick Together.

-Brian Eno.

-Oh, yeah.

-A lot of the old stuff.

Erm...

Avalon. Slave To Love.

-All really obvious ones, aren't they?

-Don't recall any...

How about any more footballers who played for Newcastle?

-Asprilla.

-Shearer. Kevin Keegan?

-Maybe in that day...

Oh, who was that tall fella who played with Shearer?

Ten seconds left.

-Chris Waddle.

-Yeah, all right.

-So shall we go Chris Waddle...

-Yeah.

-Somebody Asprilla.

-Somebody Asprilla.

OK, that is your time up, I'm afraid.

I'm going to need your three answers.

OK, so we're going to go one from, erm...

Well, we'll try a Likely Lads random one.

-So Jimmy Nail.

-Jimmy Nail.

-And then...two footballers?

-OK, yeah.

-So we're going to say Asprilla.

-Asprilla.

-And...Chris Waddle.

-Yeah.

-And Chris Waddle.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Er, Asprilla.

-Asprilla. OK, we'll put Asprilla last.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Jimmy Nail. Jimmy Nail?

-Jimmy Nail, we'll put first.

-All of them really, but...

-LAUGHTER

-OK.

-Jimmy Nail.

OK, we'll just pop those up on the board. And here they are.

We've got Jimmy Nail, we've got Chris Waddle and we've got Asprilla.

Well, very best of luck.

Your first answer was Jimmy Nail. You weren't sure if this was right.

You weren't very confident about this one at all.

Remember, only one of these has to be pointless for you to win that

jackpot of £1,500. We've done quite a good job of bolstering that

jackpot during the show today. What would you do if you won that, Steve?

Well, we're going to go on holiday towards the end of the year

and it's one of Lorraine's significant birthdays,

-so I suspect we'll have a little party while we're there.

-Very good.

Lorraine, anything you want to add to that?

-Well, you're only 30 once, so you need to...

-Exactly.

-..celebrate it.

-Yes.

-Fully.

-Quite so.

Well, very, very best of luck. Three good answers on the board.

Your first, Jimmy Nail. In this case, we looking for cast members

from the film of The Likely Lads. Let's see if it's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

If it's pointless, it'll win you £1,500.

How many people said Jimmy Nail?

Ooh! I'm afraid an incorrect answer there.

Only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your second answer was Chris Waddle. In this case, we were looking for

the 1998 FA Cup final Newcastle United team.

Chris Waddle, let's find out if it's right,

then let's find out if it's pointless.

If it's both of those things, you will win £1,500.

Oh! I'm afraid another incorrect answer,

which means everything is now riding on

your third and final answer, which is Asprilla.

Again, we were looking for players in that FA Cup final.

Let's if it's right, let's see if it's pointless.

Asprilla for £1,500.

Oh! I'm sorry.

APPLAUSE

I'm sorry. Three incorrect answers there.

You didn't manage to find that crucial pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £1,500.

That'll roll over on to the next show.

A really strong performance throughout the show.

Really loved having you on.

You get to take home a Pointless trophy each, so very well done.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

Yeah, sorry about that.

Jimmy Nail, obviously, is a Geordie actor, but not in that film.

Waddle and Faustino Asprilla both played for Newcastle

but not in that team, I'm afraid.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

Roxy Music first.

You could have had Both Ends Burning, Take A Chance With Me,

The Same Old Scene. You could've had Trash.

-Any of those ring a bell?

-Yeah, most of them.

-It's annoying, isn't it?

That 60 seconds doesn't half go quickly.

So actors in The Likely Lads. Lots of great British actors

Linda Robson, obviously better known for Birds Of A Feather now.

Vicki Michelle from 'Allo, 'Allo! All of those pointless answers.

Well done if he said any of those. And the football one.

Newcastle fans will have got all of these. John Barnes.

Steve Howey would've been a great answer. Stuart Pearce, Warren Barton.

You could've had Pistone,

you could've had Andreas Andersson. I don't remember him.

Nikolaos Dabizas. You could've had Steve Watson.

Also Temuri Ketsbaia as well was a pointless answer.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

And that's really, really unlucky.

I mean, you did so well all the way through.

In fact, everyone played well today, didn't they?

And tough to have three 100s in the final,

but you got them because you were going for it.

Thanks very much indeed. Unfortunately, we have to say

goodbye to you, but it's been fantastic having you on the show.

Thank you so much for playing. Steve and Lorraine, great contestants.

Well, sadly, Steve and Lorraine didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show

when we will be playing for £2,500.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-In the meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE