Episode 34 Pointless

Thank you very much. Hello, I am Alexander Armstrong

and welcome to Pointless, the game where we aim for the obscure

and we ignore the obvious. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi there, I'm Simon. This is my brother Stephen

-and we are from Newark.

-Couple number two.

I'm Sharon. This is my good friend Caroline

and we're from Streatham in South London.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Helen.

This is my friend Vinay and we're from Leeds and Bradford.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Sam. This is my neighbour Pat and we're from Chester.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much. We'll find out about you

throughout the show as it goes along.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Today's forecast is overcast

with a 90% chance of an absolute fact storm.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everybody.

Good afternoon.

-A fact storm. I like that.

-Yeah.

-That is good. Four new pairs again.

-I know!

-Happened a few times recently.

-Yeah.

We keep having these newcomers coming in and winning.

-And we've given away four jackpots in a row as well.

-Hm!

The record is six. So, not far off it.

But four in a row is some going.

Yeah, goodness knows what's going to happen.

-Lovely on podium for to have neighbours.

-Isn't that nice?

-Pat and Sam. That is definitely quite rare, but lovely.

-Yeah.

We'll see how that works.

-And look at podium one, they look pretty good, don't they?

-Yeah.

Podium one, brothers, solid as a rock.

Talked to them earlier, not nervous.

That's what they said. Everyone said they weren't nervous

apart from Helen who said she was terrified.

So, at least we know she is the only one telling the truth.

Well, as you have just gathered, Kaz and Chris won the jackpot

last time, so today's jackpot starts off at...

Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

There's kind of only one rule and that is that the pair with

the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.

That and obviously, the no conferring rule for the first two rounds.

Our first category today is...

It's Words. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. Words ending in G-U-E.

-Richard.

-You looked pained already.

-Yeah, I know.

It's one of those ones, there's more than you think.

There are more than you think.

It looks a terrifying combination of letters,

but it's quite common.

We're looking for any word which is its own entry

in oxforddictionaries.com which ends G-U-E, please.

As always, we're not looking for proper nouns,

not looking for any hyphenated words either.

So, very, very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

-OK, Simon. From Newark?

-Yes.

-What do you do up in Newark, Simon?

-I'm a trainer.

A trainer for...racehorses!

No. Of managers and of behaviours.

Of managers. Over what distance? LAUGHTER

And so, how is that? How is the training going? You enjoying it?

-I am, it's great fun.

-What do you do when you are not doing that?

I am involved in a lot of clubs, so football clubs and golf clubs.

You are involved in as in you play or...?

Play, organise, manage. Yes.

Very good, very good indeed.

OK, now, Simon, words ending G-U-E.

I have a couple.

Not sure about the spelling, but I will risk...

Prologue.

That's a good... Yeah, that's good.

Simon says prologue. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see many people said prologue.

Look at that! 11.

Nothing wrong with that.

11 for prologue.

Yeah, an introductory section of a literary or dramatic work.

Also someone who really, really like logs.

LAUGHTER

-And a very fitting opening to the round, therefore.

-Oh, yeah!

That's nice.

Now then, Caroline. Caroline, welcome.

Lovely to have you here. From Streatham.

-That's right, yes.

-And what do you do, Caroline?

-I am a stay-at-home mum.

-A stay-at-home...

How many children have you got?

I've only got the one, but she's a teenager.

-Lovely, lovely.

-So...

She'll be watching as we speak.

Er, yes, probably saying, "Please, Mum, stop embarrassing me."

Oh, you haven't said anything to embarrass her yet.

Breathing, with teenagers, I think.

OK, and what do you like doing

when you are not staying at home and mum-ing?

My favourite things are probably cooking and baking,

making vegetarian food.

Because sadly, I'm a big meat-eater,

but I'm the only meat-eater at home.

So, I do lots of...

They say I'm a whiz with an aubergine, so...

There we are. It's a great thing to be a whiz with, really(!)

Caroline, what about these words ending G-U-E?

Well, sadly, I was thinking prologue.

And I can't think of anything except...

league.

League.

League, says Caroline.

Let's see if league is...is right. I think we...

Let's take it as right. It's right. How many people said league?

It's right.

20.

20 for league.

There's something about G-U-E that's quite nerve-racking.

-Isn't it?

-Isn't there?

Every word you come up with you think, "Is that G-U-E?"

-Yeah, I've got one in the back of my head.

-Do you?

-No, it hasn't come through yet.

-Oh, really?

-Oh, I can sort of sense it.

-All right.

-Vinay, welcome.

-Hi.

Lovely to have you here. One of you is from Leeds,

one of you is from Bradford. Which is which?

-I'm from Bradford.

-What do you up in Bradford, Vinay?

-I actually working Leeds, but I...

-Oh, I see.

Well, they are not terribly far apart.

-Famously, famously close.

-12 miles. Yes.

And what to do in Leeds?

I'm a paralegal for a law firm in the city centre.

Do you know, I...

Cos I'm a fool, I don't know. What is a paralegal?

Basically it's someone who works alongside other people

who work in law, so solicitors and sometimes barristers as well.

It's a barrister, but you have to jump out off

-of a plane before you go to work.

-I always think of a para...

I'm picturing you now working, doing exactly what you said,

-but in a green boilersuit.

-That'd be more interesting, I'll admit it.

And what do you do aside from the paralegals?

I like live music, so I go to a lot of gigs and festivals.

Been to quite a few.

I keep all my ticket stubs as well.

I've got over 150 actually,

-so that shows you where all my money goes.

-Yeah.

-Very good indeed. Well, plenty of it around there, isn't there?

-Yeah.

Famous. Now, Vinay, what are you going to go for?

Erm...

It's kind of stealing the last answer a little bit.

I'm going to say colleague.

Colleague. Colleague, says Vinay. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

9.

-9 for colleague.

-Very nicely done as well.

Yes, putting the 'col' in front of 'league'. Colleague.

-Also a type of dog.

-XANDER CHUCKLES

A bearded colleague. LAUGHTER

-A Border colleague.

-I once had a bearded colleague.

Just beautiful.

Pat, welcome.

Lovely to have you here from Chester.

Are you literally next-door neighbours with Sam?

No, there are four houses between our two houses.

So, not next-door, but very close.

And you've known Sam all his life, have you?

I've known Sam since he was three because Sam and my son are mates.

Right. Very good. Pat, what do you do?

I'm retired now, but I was a teacher.

Very good.

Teachers always do...

Teachers SOMETIMES do well on Pointless.

Words ending G-U-E, though. Pat, this is just a gift, isn't it?

Well, I've had a word my head but as time has gone on,

I've started to doubt whether it exists or not.

I hope it exists. Prorogue.

-Prorogue?

-Prorogue.

-Prorogue.

Prorogue, please can it exist?

How many people said it?

It's right, prorogue.

Whoa!

Look at that! 1.

One person.

That's a great score, Pat.

Frankly, I think it deserved to go all the way down,

but still, you will be pleased with one.

Very, very good answer, that, isn't it? Prorogue.

It's to do with the dissolving of Parliament, isn't it?

Stopping Parliament without dissolving it is a prorogue.

Is that your understanding, Pat, of what it means?

I didn't actually know what it meant.

-LAUGHTER

-You heard it somewhere that's it.

-Just heard it.

-Well, then, I'm telling you that is what it means.

I was disappointed that Pat was a teacher.

I was hoping Pat was going to be a postman

-and Sam was going to be a fireman.

-LAUGHTER

Thanks, Richard. We are halfway through the round,

let's take a look at those scores. Well done, Pat. 1.

Very much the best score of that round.

Then up to Vinay on 9. Vinay and Helen.

Then up to the brothers, Simon and Stephen, on 11.

Then up to 20 where we find Caroline and Sharon.

You are not that far ahead,

but Sharon, we need something more "prorogue" type things, I think.

Good luck with that. We're coming back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, now, Sam, welcome.

Sam, whose idea was it to come on Pointless?

Well, it was kind both of ours, but it was more of a joke.

I didn't actually think it was ever going to happen, to be honest.

LAUGHS: That backfired, didn't it? Look at you, you are on...

Sam, what do you do?

I'm a business management student at Leeds back at university.

-What year are you in?

-I've just finished my first.

Well, listen, there you are.

Pat has set you up absolutely fantastically with 1.

If you wanted to avoid becoming the new high-scorers,

you could score 18 or less, but there we are.

What are you going to go for?

Well, as Pat said, you know, as you think of a word more,

you kind of doubt the spelling of it,

but I'm going to go with intrigue.

Intrigue. Let's see how many people said intrigue.

There is your red line, quite low.

Can you get below that with intrigue, I wonder?

You've done it. Look at that!

Very well done indeed. 10.

Taking your total up to 11.

Very well played.

Yeah, one of those words that nobody knows the etymology of. Nobody.

That's quite... Ooh, what's the word? Mm...

I know!

-That's quite puz...puzzling.

-Puzzling.

-Slightly mystifying, isn't it?

-Mystifying, isn't it?

There we go. OK, now, Helen, you ARE from Leeds.

-Do you actually work in Leeds as well?

-Yes, I do, yeah.

-Oh, what about that?

-Convenient.

That's very convenient.

-What do you do?

-I'm a trainee solicitor.

Excellent, how long before you become a fully-blown solicitor?

-About a year and a half.

-Very good.

-You enjoying it?

-Yeah, it's great!

-The change of it.

Get to change around, move to different teams.

Nice to be out of the boilersuit as well, actually.

Now, Helen, you are on 9.

The high-scorers still are Sharon and Caroline on 20,

so 10 or less keeps you comfortably in the game.

I'm struggling a bit.

I had one and then I think actually stealing

from Pat might help me a bit.

So, am I allowed to say rogue?

Rogue. You are perfectly entitled to say rogue.

-That's something.

-Here is your red line.

Rogue has to get you below that, really.

Let's see how many of our 100 said rogue.

28 for rogue.

37 is your total.

Yeah, unlucky, Helen.

See, Vinay stole by making something more complicated,

but you stole by making something slightly less complicated.

OK, then. Now, Sharon, no longer the high-scorers. This is exciting.

Sharon, what do you do?

I'm an executive assistant for a transport body.

A trans... So, that is a government body?

Yes, it's a consumer body of people who have got

-complaints about their transport in London.

-OK.

Do you field the complaints or do you then go out and...?

Luckily, no, I don't have to do that.

I'm sort of corporate support. In the middle.

Making sure everything works properly.

And how is everything working, Sharon? Are people generally happy?

I think on the whole, it's not bad, actually.

I don't think it's bad at all. I think it runs beautifully.

Beautifully, so hats off to you.

What do you do when you are not doing that?

I like making things.

I like, you know, making clothes and dresses and knitting

and sewing and cooking and, you know, making stuff.

Anyway, listen, there you are. You are on 20.

-You have to score 16 or less to stay with us.

-Yes.

This is not a good round for me. I was dreading it.

And I've got two children, seven and nine,

and I think they could probably come up

with better words than me on this one, so I'm slightly worried.

I was going to say prorogue.

I can't say prorogue, I'm going to say plague.

Plague. Plague. There we are.

Now, here is your red line.

If you can get below that with plague, you are in.

It's right.

-24.

-Sorry.

24 takes your total up to 44.

Any contagious disease that spreads rapidly and kills people.

-Plague. It's nice, isn't it? Keeping it light.

-Yeah. There we go.

Stephen, welcome to Pointless.

Welcome to Pointless. Now, what do you do?

I'm a technical consultant for a telecommunications company.

Oh, technical... I mean, that...

Isn't basically everyone a technical consultant

-at a telecommunications company?

-Yeah.

There we go. And what you do apart from that, Stephen, for fun?

All sorts. Anything outdoorsy.

I love a bit of gardening.

Canoeing, hiking, you name it.

This is good! These are broad interests here.

What sort of gardening do you do? Do you do kitchen gardening or...?

No, just the back garden. We bought a house a couple of years ago.

It was in serious need of a gardener, so...

-Were you a keen gardener before that?

-No, not so much. No.

Same here. I now love gardening.

I'm starting to learn what a weed is and what a flower is now.

I know! Takes a while, but, yeah, it's good.

Now, Stephen, there you are on 11. You have to score 32 or less.

Yeah.

We had a great answer from Simon to kick us off with prologue.

I've got two words left,

but obviously, they started being used up as we went down the line.

I'm going to go with tongue.

OK, you are going to say tongue.

There we are. Here is your red line.

If you can get below that with tongue...

..you are in the next round.

Let's see how many people said tongue.

It's right.

42, Stephen.

42 for tongue.

Oh, that's high.

I'm afraid that takes your total up to 53.

So many people at home and in the studio

after your brother said prologue to start with

-were hoping you were going to say...

-Epilogue.

-Epilogue.

It would have been a lovely way to end.

-It would have been perfect.

-It would have scored 5 points as well.

Epilogue, it would have been a lovely end to the round.

-You got a word?

-Well, I have.

-Meringue, but...

-Meringue...

-Yeah.

..would have scored you 13 points.

But the word I've been trying to wrestle with...

I'm sure there's a word pirogue. Pirogue.

Which is a type of canoe.

-Would have scored you 1 point.

-HE SIGHS

-There we go.

-But you'd have gone for meringue.

-I would've gone for meringue. Yeah.

-Quite right.

Now, let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

Beardtongue, of course(!)

-I can't believe nobody said that.

-Oh, I get that sometimes!

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, I do too.

It's a plant, of course. A type of figwort.

Blague, which is a type of joke.

Distingue, which is the sense of someone being distinguished.

-'Dis-tan-gay'.

-Distin...

Well, I assume it is, 'dis-tan-gay'.

Duologue is obviously a two-person version of a monologue.

Grammalogue, which is a symbol that represents a word.

Ideologue is obviously someone

who is an proponent of a particular ideology.

I never know how to say that word... 'long'.

'Long', which is sort of a language, but as it is spoken.

Merengue which is a Caribbean dance.

It's a better answer than meringue, but very, very similar.

And travelogue also would have been a good answer.

Let's take a look at the top three answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

It's right at the top, I'm afraid,

just behind argue with 49.

There we are. Can't argue with that.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. At the end of our first round,

the pair heading... I am so sorry. The pair heading home,

it's Stephen and Simon, our brothers.

I have to say, we had such high hopes.

We did rather, but next show, maybe.

-They're biding their time.

-They know what they're doing.

They'll be back. It's all tactical.

Stephen and Simon, far too soon to say goodbye to you,

but we'll look forward to seeing you next time.

Meantime, thanks very much, Stephen and Simon.

But for the remaining three pairs, it is now time for Round Two.

And now we're down to three pairs and at the end of this round,

we will be down to two pairs. Well, everyone did very well there.

Great scores there, but particular mention to that far podium there.

Pat and Sam. Pat, prorogue. I mean, really.

This is the stuff of Pointless dreams.

And Sam, very well done as well with intrigue.

-I think you had, didn't you?

-Yeah.

-Lovely low score there.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two today is...

Recent History. Oh, Helen, what...?

It's better than just history, isn't it?

-I mean, recent history...

-OK.

-..is sort of yesterday.

-Things like that.

-I'll be fine.

-SHE LAUGHS

Can you all decide in your pairs who will go first,

who will go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

And the question concerns...

21st Century History. Richard.

Simply six clues on each board.

It's about events that will go down in 21st century history.

Just need you to give us the most obscure answer.

12 in all to have a go at at home. Very best of luck.

OK, let's reveal our first board of six clues. And here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are.

-Sharon.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Dithering between two.

One which I'm more certain of than the other.

I will go with...

I will go with the judicial body

created in 2002 as the International Criminal Court.

The International Criminal Court, says Sharon. Sounds good to me.

Let's see if it's right.

It is right.

Very good indeed.

20 for the International Criminal Court.

It's in The Hague, in the Netherlands.

Thanks, Richard. Now, Helen.

I actually know a few, I think, which is better than I thought.

I think I'm going to go with the politician who became

the first female Chancellor of Germany

and I'm going to say Angela Merkel.

Angela Merkel, says Helen.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Angela Merkel.

Very well done.

Ooh, 74.

74. That's a high one.

That was a big score.

One of the dominant figures of the early part of the 21st century.

Thanks, Rich. Now, Pat, this board is all yours.

Would you like to talk us through it

and then select which one you want to submit?

No, I wouldn't like to talk you through it.

There is only one that I'm left with that I think I know.

So, I'm going to have to go for the global social networking

website as Facebook.

Facebook, says Pat. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Facebook.

Well, 74 is our high score and you passed that comfortably...

67.

Another big score. Yeah, depressing to think that was 2004.

-Yeah.

-Amazing what you can do.

Now, let's take a look at the rest of these.

The Pope was Joseph Ratzinger or Pope Benedict XVI.

7 points for that.

The skyscraper is in Dubai and it's the Burj Khalifa.

Would have scored you 8 points.

-And the African country, a Pointless favourite...

-South Sudan.

South Sudan. Yeah, 11 points for that.

So Pope Benedict XVI, the best answer on the board.

There we are. Well, we are halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at our scores. 20.

Well done, Sharon. Sharon and Caroline looking pretty good.

Then we go up to 67, quite a hike, to Pat and Sam.

And then a tiny walk further up to 74, where we find Helen and Vinay.

So, Vinay, we need a low score from you.

Let's hope it keeps you in the game.

We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more clues up on the board and here they are.

We've got...

I'll read those one last time.

-Sam.

-Yes.

OK, so, the high-scorers, Vinay and Helen, on 74.

You're on 67.

So, really, 6 or less keeps you from becoming the new high-scorers.

The last board would have been a bit better, I think.

-That is tough, that board, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Unquestionably.

There's only one,

which is the royal baby,

which I'm going to say is George.

OK, George, says Sam. Prince George. There's your red line.

You might have done something tactically very shrewd there

by taking the only answer off the board that everyone knew,

but we shall see.

Prince George, how made people said that?

-73. You knew it was going to be high.

-Yeah.

APPLAUSE That takes your total up to 140.

Yes, seven godparents, Prince George. That's a tough gig.

-Isn't it?

-What do you buy him?

-Whoa!

Thank you, Richard. Now, then, Vinay, you are on 74.

You have to score 65 or less.

Yeah, that's much tougher than the first round.

It is. It really is.

Looking at the scores, I'm going to take a gamble

for the Burmese opposition leader and say Li Na.

Li Na, says Vinay. Li Na.

OK, well, let's see if that's right. Here's your red line.

You have to get below that red line to get into the head-to-head.

But is it right? Li Na?

-Bad luck, Vinay. I'm sorry.

-Worth the risk.

Good for you for taking a punt, though,

cos that was a tough one to go for.

Scores you 100 points and takes your total up to 174. I'm sorry.

I'd have to say, naming China's leading female tennis player

really is a risk when you're answering that question.

But, yeah, Li Na, she's a very good...

There are certain rounds for which Li Na is a very good answer.

-This was not one of them, I'm afraid.

-Yeah.

-Now, Caroline.

-Yes.

-Caroline, good news is you're through.

Talk us through that board and fill in where you can.

So, the top one, I don't know.

It's obviously something Gene Project.

The Mars Science Laboratory rover is, I think, Explorer.

The country with the largest power plant -

I'd take a guess at China.

The new international currency is obviously the euro.

Now, the Burmese opposition leader, I feel I should know.

Aung San something.

But I can't quite remember,

so I think I'm going to go with the Mars Science Laboratory rover,

which I think is Explorer.

Explorer, says Caroline. No red line for you.

Let's see how many people said Explorer.

Let's see if it's right.

-Ooh!

-Not Explorer.

Scores you 100 points. Takes your total up to 120.

-You're through anyway.

-Sorry.

-Still the lowest score of the round. Well done.

-Not Explorer.

You did pretty well on the others, though. It's Curiosity.

Curiosity is the answer to that one. It cost 2.5 billion, Curiosity.

-Only eight people have heard of it.

-LAUGHTER

The one at the top is... Do you know that one?

It's the Human Genome Project.

-Ah, yes.

-20 points for that.

You're right. It's China. The Three Gorges Dam. 21 points.

The multinational currency is, of course, the euro.

Big scorer.

Would have scored 67 points. And the Burmese opposition leader?

-Aung San Suu Kyi.

-Aung San Suu Kyi.

Yeah, however you want to pronounce that.

5 points for that, so very well done if you said that at home.

Thank you very much indeed.

At the end of our second round, the pair who are heading home

with a high score of 174, I'm sorry, Vinay and Helen, 'tis you.

But the good news is we will see you again next time.

We'll look forward to that. I'm sure you'll go much further.

Thanks very much, Vinay and Helen.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Pat and Sam. Congratulations, Sharon and Caroline.

You are now this close to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £1,000.

Well, you know the deal here. You can start playing as teams.

The first player to win two questions plays for that jackpot.

This is going to be so close. We've had moments of genius.

Pat, particularly, I'm looking at you. Prorogue.

And we've had some very good, solid play throughout,

but your scores, when taken together, actually are remarkably close,

so this should be very close, very exciting.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question and it concerns...

-LAUGHTER Men In Hats, Richard.

-Yeah.

We're going to show you five pictures

of men known for wearing particular types of hat.

We need you to give us the most obscure person

you can see up there, please.

OK. Let's reveal our five men in hats and here they come.

We've got...

There we go. Five men in hats.

Pat and Sam, on aggregate, you are our low scorers,

so you'll go first.

C?

(Well, it's a risk, but I thought A.)

Not absolutely certain, so it's a bit of a risk,

but we're going to try A, Jacques Tati.

Jacques Tati, say Pat and Sam for A. Jacques Tati.

Now, Sharon and Caroline, do you want to talk us through the board?

Well, we think A is Marcel Marceau.

We think B is Charlie Chaplin,

C is Jimi Hendrix, D is Al Capone,

but we don't know E.

So, we're going to go with A, Marcel Marceau.

Marcel Marceau. Well, only one of you can be right.

We'll have to see who it is.

Pat and Sam said Jacques Tati for A. Let's see if it's right.

Oh! Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

LAUGHTER

Sharon and Caroline have gone for Marcel Marceau.

It just has to be right for you to win. Is it?

Hmm.

15. Very well done indeed. 15.

APPLAUSE Good work, Sharon and Caroline.

After one question, you're up one-nil.

Being mistaken for Jacques Tati -

he'd have a few things to say about that, wouldn't he? Marcel Marceau.

-That's a mime joke.

-LAUGHTER

-It's been quite a long day.

-LAUGHTER

B is Charlie Chaplin.

Chaplin would have scored you 59 points.

C is Jimi Hendrix, of course.

Would have scored 37.

D, Al Capone.

Quite a big scorer, actually. 38 for Al Capone.

And the one the ladies didn't know - E.

-The Edge.

-The Edge, yeah.

David Evans - real name. From U2. 19.

Thanks very much indeed. Here comes your second question.

Sharon and Caroline get to answer it first,

but Pat and Sam, it's you who have to win.

Good luck with that. It concerns...

-The Colour Orange. Richard?

-Yeah, five clues now

to facts that have something to do with the colour orange.

Can you give us the most obscure answer?

OK, let's reveal our five clues and here they come. We've got...

I'll read those one last time.

Sharon and Caroline.

-I think it's going to be the author.

-The author...

-Jeanette Winterton.

-..is Jeanette Winterton.

-You say it.

-BOTH:

-Jeanette Winterton.

-Yeah.

So, we're going to go for the author of Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit

as Jeanette Winterton.

Jeanette Winterton, say Sharon and Caroline.

Jeanette Winterton.

OK. Pat and Sam, do you want to talk us through the board?

I don't. Pat can.

LAUGHTER

The colours are red and yellow. I agree with the author.

I think I might know the film director.

I've no idea about the album. And the football team is Holland.

So, it's whether to take a risk about the film director.

-What do you think?

-Yeah, go for the risk.

So, we'll go for the film director. Stanley Kubrick.

Stanley Kubrick for A Clockwork Orange. OK.

So, we have Jeanette Winterton.

Let's see if that's right from Sharon and Caroline.

Bad luck. Bad luck.

Which means, Pat and Sam, the boot's on the other foot.

You merely have to be correct with this and you win the point.

Very well done. Stanley Kubrick, of course, the answer there.

31 is your total. APPLAUSE

As I said, you only had to be right and you have equalled.

-So, after two questions, it's one-all.

-Well played.

I think you fell into a common trap there.

-Winterton is a more common surname, but it's Winterson...

-Yeah.

..is the author, I'm afraid.

I think you were worried that you'd got the wrong name as well,

but you went for it anyway. 7 points, it would have scored you.

The two primary colours are red and yellow.

That's a big scorer, as you would expect. 60 points.

You're right about the bottom one as well.

It's the Netherlands.

Even bigger scorer for that. 61.

And the best answer, and it's a brilliant album as well,

it's Frank Ocean.

And it's 4 points for that.

Thanks very much indeed.

Here comes your third question. This is the decider.

Whoever wins goes through to the final and plays for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

-Hospital Items. Richard?

-We'll show you five items now

you might typically find in a hospital,

but we've removed alternate letters from each of their names.

Can you fill in those gaps?

The team giving us the lowest score will be playing for the jackpot.

OK, let's reveal our five hospital items.

And we've got...

I'll read those one last time.

Pat and Sam will go first this time.

-So, which ones do you...?

-I'm absolutely terrible at these.

(It's intravenous drip, scrubs.)

Um, we're going to go for the second one

and we're going to say scrubs.

Scrubs, say Pat and Sam. Scrubs.

-Now, Sharon and Caroline, the board is yours.

-Yes.

We think the top one is intravenous drip

and the next one, bedpan, crutches

and surgical mask.

-What shall we go for?

-Which one?

-Bedpan.

-We're going to go for bedpan.

-You're going to go for bedpan.

So, we have scrubs and we have bedpan.

Now, then, Pat and Sam said scrubs. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

Scrubs is 39.

APPLAUSE

Sharon and Caroline, meanwhile, have gone for bedpan.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

-Yeah, you've done it. Ooh, just!

-Oh!

-APPLAUSE

Just 35! I said it was going to be close.

Boy, is it close.

But very, very well done, Sharon and Caroline.

After three questions, you are through to the final, two-one.

Funnily enough, you knew all of them.

That was the biggest score you could have got

from all the ones you knew, but at least it saw you through.

Intravenous drip would have scored you 9.

Crutches, which took me forever to work out...

-Yeah, that's a really hard one.

-..would have scored you 10.

And the best answer is surgical mask down the bottom,

-which only scored 3 points.

-THEY LAUGH

There we go. Well, thanks very much indeed.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm sorry to say, it's Pat and Sam,

who have been our star performers throughout the show.

It bodes very well for your next appearance on the show

and we'll look forward to that. Thanks very much, Pat and Sam.

APPLAUSE

But for Sharon and Caroline,

it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Well, what about that, Sharon and Caroline?

You have seen off all your competition

and you've won the coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have this chance to win the Pointless jackpot.

And the jackpot at the end of today's show stands at £1,000.

But we have thrown everything at you.

We had words ending in G-U-E, we had recent history, we had men

in hats, we had the colour orange, we had things found in hospitals.

I mean, really, very exciting indeed.

Anything you would like to see to round it off?

-A bit of politics I think.

-Politics.

-Or literature.

-Or capitals.

-Capitals, yeah.

-BOTH:

-Capitals.

Let's hope there is something exciting on that board.

You know sometimes it can be awful,

but there will be something there I'm sure you can have a go at.

Today's choice looks like this.

There is no politics.

THEY LAUGH

-Shakespeare's soliloquies we could guess.

-Yeah.

We could make them up.

We are going to go for a Shakespeare's soliloquies.

You are going to go for Shakespeare's...

Shakespeare's soliloquies.

I wonder if we are going to break that record.

OK, let's see Shakespeare's soliloquies. Here we go.

-Yeah, I mean after all, he made them up, didn't he?

-Yeah.

We are looking for any word of six letters or

more in any of the following of Shakespeare's soliloquies.

Any words of six letters or more in any of those three soliloquies.

I wish you the very best of luck.

OK, as always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers.

And all you need to win that jackpot

-is for just one answer to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yeah.

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

None whatsoever.

All the world's a stage,

is that the one that ends up with all the seven stages of life thing?

-Or is that a different one?

-Yes.

-Bawling and mewling...

-Oh, yes.

-Things like that.

-Yes.

-To be or not to be... Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

I can't really think beyond that.

No. I can't think of anything from Macbeth.

No, I don't know if it is though, I don't know

-if that is the right soliloquy.

-All the world's a stage...

All the world's a stage, And men and women...

I think that's right.

But I just don't... Well, if it is right then it's words like...

Arrives on stage mewling and bawling.

And then it goes through the seven stages. Think of a word. Quick.

-So we're going for mewling. Bawling.

-Bawling.

-Ten seconds left.

-What happens when they're old?

-My thoughts are blank.

-Fortune from to be or not to be.

Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Outrageous.

OK, that is your time up.

-It sounds like you have arrived at some answers.

-Yeah, some answers.

What are we going to go for?

-We are going to go for outrageous.

-Outrageous.

-Mewling.

-Mewling.

-And bawling.

-Bawling.

Both from all the world's a stage.

-OK, and outrageous from... BOTH:

-Hamlet.

Exactly.

So which of those you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-They are all great, aren't they?

-Mewling.

-Mewling.

Mewling goes last. Least likely to be pointless?

-BOTH:

-Outrageous.

-Outrageous goes first.

OK, let's put those up on the board in that order. And here they are.

Very, very best of luck. Now what if one of those answers is pointless?

It just might happen.

And you were to carry home that jackpot.

What would you do with your share of that, Sharon?

I think something with the family. Maybe a meal. Nice meal out.

Very nice. Caroline.

I've always wanted to go camping at a festival.

And I've almost persuaded all the women in the family that we

are going to have a girlie trip camping at a festival.

This would just be the incentive?

-That would go into that trip.

-Into that pot.

OK, very good. Well, best of luck. Your first answer was outrageous.

In this case, we were looking for words from

to be or not to be from Hamlet.

It has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

For £1,000, let's see how many people said outrageous.

It's right.

If this goes all the way down to zero,

and it may, who knows, you will leave here with £1,000.

Down it goes.

Through the teens. Into single figures.

Still going down. 6.

What about that? APPLAUSE

6!

SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE

6 for outrageous. Not a pointless answer.

Two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was bawling.

This was from all the world's a stage from As You Like It.

It has to be pointless, of course, for you to win that jackpot.

So, for £1,000, let's see how many people said bawling.

Nope. Not bawling.

Not bawling, I'm afraid.

Which means everything is now riding on your third and final answer.

Which is mewling.

Mewling, again from all the world's a stage soliloquy from As You Like It.

It has to be right and pointless for you to win the jackpot.

So, for £1,000, let's see how many people said mewling.

Is it pointless?

Oh, mewling is right.

-Unexpected.

-There we go.

Your first answer, outrageous, was also right

and took us down to 6.

Your second answer was incorrect.

Mewling now taking us into single figures.

Down it goes. Past 6.

Down it goes. You've done it!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Absolutely brilliant!

Very well done indeed.

Superb.

There we are!

A lovely meal out for Sharon and her family.

-Caroline camping at a festival.

-Yep.

-Oh!

Also, we are nearly there to equal our record,

if we can do it one more time.

Congratulations. Mewling was a pointless answer.

-I don't know where that came from.

-Maybe bawling wasn't there.

Puking. That's what we wanted.

That's the other. Anyway, who cares!

You go home with that jackpot of £1,000. Brilliant.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, five jackpots in a row. Amazing.

As you say, the infant was mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.

Infant and puking both pointless answers as well.

Let's go through some of the pointless

answers on the different soliloquies.

Loads of pointless answers on all of these.

Every single six-letter word in that soliloquy apart from before,

handle, towards, toward, murder, Duncan, Dudgeon and witchcraft.

Some spoilers in that one.

LAUGHTER

Everything else was pointless if you take a look at that soliloquy.

Let's take a look at...

Shuffled off this mortal coil.

Mortal would have scored you some points.

Points for question, nobler, whether, arrows, slings,

outrageous, fortune, suffer, troubles, mortal, against.

Bodkin would have scored you 1 point.

Imagine if you'd come up with Bodkin and

it hadn't been pointless. How furious would you have been?

Ophelia, perchance and opposing, all of those scored points.

Everything else was pointless.

And...

Pantaloon, that's more like it. If you'd had Bodkin

and pantaloon it would have been an exciting end to the show.

Soldier. Everything there apart from players, merely, reputation,

entrances and bubble. Everything else was a pointless answer.

Five jackpots in a row. Congratulations.

-Nice to win with a bit of Shakespeare.

-Isn't it?!

-Yeah.

-And also, a bit of a fluke as well.

I mean, not a fluke really, but unexpected is what I mean.

Unexpected. Thanks once again to our winning players, Sharon and Caroline,

who go away with today's jackpot of £1,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

-to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye for me. Goodbye.